All language subtitles for ODAAT405

A pop original series.

How's your essay going for Yale?

Did you pick a topic yet?

Um, I narrowed it down to a few options.

Maybe you could just send the whole
board and hope for the best.

The website specifically said not to do
that.

But I can't get over how well-rounded I
am. I mean, am I too interesting?

No.

Okay, look, each color represents a
different aspect of my life that is

essay-worthy. Like, red is growing up
Cuban, and orange is my dad abandoned me

but got into recovery, so we're cool
now.

And purple is the general gay stuff.

General gay stuff is also my ranking in
the lesbian army.

Sup, fam?

I was just wondering how the planning is
coming for my kinship.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, well, I thought that since Elena had
a kinship, obviously I would also be

giving a party to celebrate my coming of
age.

This being a house of gender equality
and all.

What the hell is he talking about?

Hey, on the other hand, if it's too much
trouble, you can just give me the cash

instead. Oh, okay.

Now I understand.

You want money.

I thought you were woke. Turns out you
just broke.

I actually love the idea of throwing you
a quince.

You do?

Yeah. I mean, you think it's a special
day for you, but really it's about what

a great mom I am.

I know you came in here trying to scam
us for money, but congratulations, you

paid yourself.

We're doing this.

Finally a day we can focus on papito.

Oh, my God.

We're going to break gender norms and
have a quinceañero.

I get a mother's fondant.

And I get a mistaken for your mother's
fondant.

Okay, no, stop.

I admit it. I don't really want a
quinceañero. Yeah, this isn't about you

anymore.

I just need $500, okay?

$500?

Why?

For once, can't you just give me $500
without asking any questions?

Papito, what are you thinking?

Asking your mommy for so much money.

I'll give it to you.

You know, actually, I would love to see
you pull $500 out of there.

Okay, I'm bluffing.

I am bluffing, but don't worry, Papito.

I will take it out of my savings
account.

I just need to grab my map and a shovel.

It's fine, Abuelita. Forget it. I'm
sorry I asked.

Should I be worried about that?

Oh, wait, I do have money!

It's a ketchup packet.

This is it!

One day...

Hey, Dr. B, what are you doing here? I
wanted to drop off an early baby gift.

I know you're coming by for an
ultrasound in a couple of days, but I

wanted you guys to have this now.

Our first baby gift.

This is so exciting. I know.

Thank you so much. Meet Ruckus the
Clown. He's been in my

family for years, and I wanted to pass
him on to you.

I bet you did.

Oh, Ruckus.

Watched over me when I was growing up.
He was my confidant. He was my

caretaker. And the best big spoon you
ever spooned.

Dr. B, we couldn't possibly take
something so

obviously meant for you.

Yeah, get that guy out of here right
now.

No, no, no, no, no. I've thought about
this long and hard.

Ruckus's cold, pale face is my first
memory, and I want that for your child.

I don't know what to say.

I am so glad that you love him as much
as I do.

Oh, you know, you guys remind me so much
of when Sophie and I had our first

baby. So full of joy and hope.

And then the baby's born and bam, all
gone.

Hope and joy is replaced with fear and
regret.

Oh, and then you start turning on each
other. And that's when the lawyers start

circling like hyenas around the rotting
corpse of your relationship.

Whoa, gotta go.

I get why she doesn't. It's a real power
move.

What are you doing back there? I'll ask
the questions.

Why do you need $500?

Because I googled, what does a teenage
boy need $500 for? And it autofills with

some really disturbing stuff.

Forget it. I'm over it. No, I'm not over
it. I'm spinning out. I'm thinking

exotic pet deal gone wrong. I went on a
whole subreddit about calf implants.

Help me out.

Oh, my God. It's nothing bad.

But... You're going to think it's
stupid.

At this point, I would love to think
it's stupid.

Okay.

I want to take a class in fashion
design.

See, I knew you'd think it was stupid.
No, no, I'm just glad that we don't have

to give Elena's room to a Komodo dragon.

No, Alex, I think that's great.

You do? Yes.

Why didn't you just tell me that? I
don't know.

It's not academic and... I figured you
might think it's a waste of money.

It is a waste of money.

Wait. Why are my curtains already open?

What do you mean? You just opened them.

Okay.

Little papito, why pay for a class when
the world's greatest simsters will teach

you for free?

I am talking about myself.

Thanks, Aurelita, but it's actually a
class about street style.

Oh, I know the streets.

How did you think I get to the farmer's
market?

Mommy, help.

Don't worry, I'm not going to make you
go through what I went through with her.

Excuse me.

Do you remember when I wanted to take
that hip-hop class? You said, why pay

for the class when the world's greatest
dancer can teach you for free?

I'm talking about myself.

I did teach you. There are no castanets
in hip-hop, Mommy.

Well, if there were, it would be
popular.

Papito, imagine you and me wearing
matching, homemade, accurate

outfits.

I am definitely imagining it.

Don't worry, Alex. You can take the
class.

But I'm not giving you the money.

I am investing in the future of fashion,
which is you.

Oh, I can't wait to see you on Project
Runway. Not as a contestant, as a judge,

because that's how we do.

Oh, class, I'm going to look fly as
hell, so I'm in. Oh, my God.

Thank you so much, Mommy. You're the
best.

Well.

I'll get my needle and thread so I can
mend my broken heart.

Do what you need to do, Mommy. I have
made up my mind.

Alex is taking the class.

I love this.

What the hell is going on?

Oh, there's my little genius.

How's the essay going?

I've got nothing.

What? This looks great.

There's just a ball of red yarn away
from cracking this murder case.

No, I stayed up all night writing 15
different essays only to discover that

all of them sucked.

I need Yelp to fall in love with me and
this will just make them file a

restraining order.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Fine? Oh, I should just get my GED and
start backpacking.

Maybe I go back to my first idea about
how I want to put the I in

environmental. I think you put the
mental in environmental.

Can't even tell if that's a good idea or
not.

Okay, yes, I'm fine.

Chaos is part of my process.

Hey. Hey, how was your fashion class?
When does your line come out so I can

bite a year later at Nordstrom Rack?

Jess, tell us what the strangers taught
you.

Show it. Come on. Okay.

It's just a simple pair of shorts.

And it's my first project, so don't get
too excited.

Alex!

This is really good.

Thanks. I mean, I knew you were crushing
it, but damn, my investment is paying

off already.

Mommy, didn't he do a great job?

Well, I wouldn't call it a street tile.

Do you know who wouldn't be caught dead
in this?

Dr. Ick.

You mean Dr. Drake?

Do you mean Drake?

I said what I said.

Keep up the great work. Nice job. And
next week, I'd like to see a skirt for

your mother, the woman that made this
all possible.

I'll see what I can do. Okay.

Mommy, you gotta admit, this is pretty
good. I admit nothing.

It's obvious he got his talent from me.

Good clean lines, good stitching,

made in China.

How far away is this class?

I can make these.

Light ones.

It's worse than you think.

But I clean only.

Please tell me that's your hand on my
butt.

I was just thinking about what Dr. B
said.

Oh, my God, me too.

Do you actually think he expects us to
follow these bath time instructions?

No, I was thinking about how he said his
marriage fell apart after kids.

Oh, yeah.

That freaked me out, too.

But that's not us.

We're totally in love.

We've never even had one fight.

You're right.

Why don't I get this guy out of here?

Yes.

Oh, God.

I've been waiting for you to say that.

Oh, just make sure no one sees it in the
trash. I don't want it to get back to

Dr. B and hurt his feelings.

Uh, why would I put him in the trash?
I'm taking him to the baby's room.

What?

Oh, you're kidding.

You... Wait, what?

This guy's awesome.

I can't believe Dr. B was willing to
part with him. Honestly, I feel safer.

You are not putting that thing near our
baby's crib.

Of course not. You heard the doc. He's a
spooner. He needs to be in the crib.

He's a creepy serial killer doll with
polka dot pants.

And he smells like cheese.

He smells like love.

And a little bit like camembert.

Are we really having our first fight
over ever?

Stupid antique clown!

No. We're having our first fight over my
new best friend. Come on, ruckus.

Oh! Buddy, are you okay?

He's not real!

Hey, bud.

I just want to say one more time, great
job.

Really professional.

Like something you'd find in a store.

Thanks. You know, it took a lot out of
me.

So I'm just going to take a nap.

Yeah. You thought of every detail.

I mean, even a receipt.

You found the receipt? Well, now I don't
have to.

If you were really taking the class, I'd
have you make me a trench coat because

I'm freaking McGruff. Ruff, ruff, you're
busted.

I'm sorry. I can explain.

Yeah, you better because you lied to me.

I quit the class.

I decided I didn't want to go anymore.

Don't worry. I got a refund.

Why didn't you just tell me that?

I wouldn't make you keep going to the
class if I knew you hated it. I'm not

Abuelita pounding out the counts to no
degree with her chancletas.

I didn't hate it.

I loved it.

Okay, now I don't know what's going on.

I loved it, but I chucked at it, so I
quit. And I bought the stupid shirt so I

wouldn't have to have this conversation.

So what was your plan?

You were just going to keep buying
clothes until I showed up to a fake

graduation looking fantastic?

I'm not saying it was a good plan.

But that was the plan.

Alex,

relax. You only took one class.

It's okay not to be perfect. Not in this
family.

I mean, everyone here is killing it. And
a badass.

And a strong, independent woman.

Abuelita came to this country with
nothing.

Made a whole life for herself.

You're a military veteran whose job is
literally saving lives.

Elena's gonna get into every Ivy League
school and become the first doctor

-lawyer president.

I'm just a dude with a great smile.

Come on, you're good at a lot of stuff.

Not fashion.

Everybody else made a pair of shorts. I
spent the whole class trying to thread

the stupid sewing machine.

I mean, I stabbed my finger with the
needle so many times that I needed

stitches, but I didn't know how to do
them.

So I figured that if I'm not gonna be
great, better

not to do it, right?

No.

You gotta keep doing it.

Well, you already said I could quit.

Yeah, that's when I thought you hated
it, but now that I know you love it, I

expect you to work until you're
miserable.

You can't be afraid to fail.

But you think I want to love you any
less because you're not perfect?

I mean, I'd rather not find out.

Oh, love.

I'm sorry. I never meant to make you
feel that way.

Look at me.

It's okay to be bad at some things.

Dare to suck.

The first step to getting good.

And if you love the fashion thing, you
have to keep going back.

And not be afraid to...

Be bad at it for a while.

Because you'll get better.

We're all learning.

It's a process.

Okay.

Thanks, Mom. I'll go back to the
classroom.

What's going on? I heard voices.

No, wait.

You're not coming from in here.

Put this fire out, because Mama's got a
real inferno over there.

Are you insane?

Peanut butter is not healthier than
almond butter.

Tell that to the bees who work their
little fingers to the bone so that you

can have your precious A, B, and J.

You want to have a butter fight?

Let's have a butter fight.

Hey, kids.

Are we ready for the ultrasound?

You better believe it. Oh, don't you
dare.

You're the one who bought almond butter.
I didn't even get a chance to weigh in.

Well, next time you can do the online
shopping. I'm exhausted.

You're exhausted?

There's your baby.

Oh, my God.

That's our baby.

It's the most beautiful, tiniest blob
I've ever seen.

I'm sorry for everything.

I'm sorry, too.

Look at you two.

If my marriage had one ounce of this
love, Sophie and I might still just be

separated.

To be honest, Dr. B, we've been on edge
since you came over the other day and

told us how kids ruin your marriage.

Oh, yeah.

I totally misremember that. No, no, no.

Things didn't go downhill after we had
kids. It was after my wife slept with

her podiatrist.

Ironically, he swept her off her feet.

What the hell, Doc?

We've been fighting all week since you
said that.

Well, that's just crazy. You two are
perfect for each other.

And your baby's perfect, too.

Can you tell whether it's a boy or a
girl?

Yes, of course.

I'm a doctor.

Sort of did want to know.

Hey, but maybe it'd be fun not to.

You know, I ain't creepy.

I'm sorry I got so worked up about
Ruckus.

I'm such a lonely kid. I would have
loved to have a buddy.

Anybody.

Now you have a buddy.

Me. And our baby doesn't need a creepy
stuffed companion.

Because they'll have us.

did it. We got to our first fight.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but
thank you, Ruckus.

You know what the best way to thank him
might be?

Hey, Penelope, you change your hair?

Ruckus?

I'm sick.

I'm sick.

Oh.

I miss you too, old fella.

Mama,

you think a sign is going to stop me?

I'm parked in a loading zone right now.

Okay, class is great.

And this one, I really miss.

It's good. You did good. You see, this
is how you get better.

And I decided if I cannot be your
teacher, I will be your model.

I already slapped Naomi Campbell, but
that's a story for another time.

In a medal on general gay stuff, I
finally wrote the perfect college essay.

My advisor said it was the best one
she's read in years.

That's amazing, honey. Congratulations.

You see, look at us.

We're all killing it.

Although I'm going to tell you, Alex,
I'm a little bummed about us not having

a quinceanero.

Mostly because I was really looking
forward to that mother-son dance.

But, um... Uh-oh.

Is there one starting now?

All right.

I guess you deserve it. Mmm, this.

And you're going to make me one of these
cool jackets.

Lucky for you, I can also rock a vest.

getting a ticket oh crap there is no
ticket

if someone's jealous i don't care about
them

i used to study you