All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls.S07E06.Go, Bulldogs!.720p.H265-Zero00

Hello?
Gilmore residence.

Hey, mom, it's me.

I just wanted to
leave you a message

letting you know that unfortunately,
I will not be able to come by tonight

to take a look at
your new curtains.

Lorelai, it's me.

- So, sorry I missed you, but --
- You didn't miss me.

For heaven's sakes,
I'm right here.

- Hello?
- Hello? Lorelai?

- Hello?
- Hello?

Huh. That's weird.

I don't know if your
machine just cut me off.

Is something wrong
with this phone?

Anyway, uh, something came up,

and I just have to take a rain
check on the curtain check.

I'm sure they're beautiful.

No one knows how to pick
out curtains like you.

You're the curtain queen.

Hello? Lorelai,
can you hear me?

Anyway, have a good night,
curtain queen.

Give my best to dad. Bye.

Lorelai? Hello? Hello?

See? I told you it would work.

Wow. How did you
even think to --

Well, it's natural instincts
honed by years of experience.

Wow.

Yeah. Fight or flight, you know.
Fight or flight.

And I just did my nails, so...

- Flight.
- Flight.

Wow.

Où est la station de
métro la plus proche ?

"Where is the nearest
subway station?"

Yeah.

Ou est-ce que je peux
acheter un billet ?

- "Where can I buy a ticket?"
- The hunter and gatherer has returned.

Hey. Listen to how
good I've gotten.

Pouvez-vous me donner un plan de métro,
s'il vous plaît ?

"Could I have a map of
the subway, please?"

Could I have a map of
the subway, please?

- Impressive.
- Right?

I'm practically fluent.

"You're welcome."

Duh.

I thought our stomachs should
start adjusting to french cuisine,

so I got croissants
and café au lait.

I thought café au
lait was spanish.

No, it's french for "coffee
and milk." "Lait" is "milk."

Really? I thought it was "café
olé," like, "coffee! All right!"

You're kidding.

You're not kidding.
You are. You're kidding.

I can't tell whether
you're kidding.

I'm a woman of mystery.

You know, you might want to try
repeating some of those words in french.

No.

We leave for Paris
in two weeks.

Yes, but I don't have to
actually speak french.

I just have to sound french.

That way, if the parisians find
me just another uncouth american,

I can tell them my sad story.

"I was born in Marseille,

"and my parents were killed
in a très tragique accident.

"And so I was sent
to the states

"and adopted by
the evil Gilmores,

"who refused to let
me speak french,

"but I never forgot the
accent of my mother country."

That's a complicated backstory.

I've led a complicated life.

- Somebody gets a lot of mail.
- Yeah, well, I'm a popular gal.

Also, my system is,
I only open my mail once a month.

Your system is to open
your mail once a month?

12 times a year, you know,

because if you open your
mail more than that,

you get a lot of mattress fliers
and bills and another bill.

This way,
I open it once a month,

and I get letters from people
who still write letters

and shampoo samples
and fun stuff.

It's fun.

Hey, what's this?

Something from Yale?

About the parents' weekend.
We should go.

- Nah.
- Why no?

I'm sure it already happened.

No, it's happening this weekend.
Come on. Could be fun.

I got to wash my hair.

Why don't you want to go?

Because -- my hair.

Looks great when it's dirty. The oil
gives it a kinf of sheen and gloss.

Parents' weekend is for lame-o
parents whose kids hate them,

so they need a school-sanctioned
event so they all spend time together.

A professor of geology is giving
a tour of the Peabody Museum.

My kid likes me.

I can go to Yale
any time I want.

51 weekends of the year
is my parents' weekend.

"The gemstones of Yale."
How cool does that sound?

On a scale of 1 to 2?

Listen, parents' weekend is not an
accurate portrait of the school, anyway.

They make special food.
They gussy the place up.

They plant kids under
trees reading Tolstoy,

so it all looks very
collegiate and idyllic.

There's a brunch at
Branford with the provost.

You know,
I've always loved the word "provost."

Although I have no idea
who or what a provost is,

- it just sounds so...
- Idyllic and collegiate?

Yes, or something
from a deli counter.

"Extra provost on
that, please."

Do you really want to go?

It's parents' weekend,
we're Rory's parents,

and we're together,
and why not?

Come on, I'll help you shampoo
your hair the night before.

All right.

But I have to work on sunday,
so we'll have to go saturday,

and you'll have to give
me a nice head massage

- when you wash my hair.
- With shampoo samples.

- And blow it out.
- Done.

- And braid it.
- I'll french-braid it.

Ooh là là. Hello?

- Mom?
- Bonjour, Rory.

Well, if it isn't the
orphan from Marseille.

C'est moi. What are you doing?

- Heading to class.
- Class?

Yes, class, where they teach
you all the college learnin'.

You're a senior. I thought no
seniors went to class before noon.

Nerd alert! Nerd alert!

Says the woman
saying "nerd alert!"

Hey, guess who's coming
to parents' weekend.

Bunch of lame parents
whose kids hate 'em.

- Yes, and your parents.
- No way!

I got to keep you on your toes.
When you think I'll zig, I'll zag.

Then, when you think I'm gonna zag,
I do zag,

just to mess you up for the next time,
when might zig.

Dad's making you zag?

He's dying to meet the provost.

Well, who isn't?

It's your mom who's
all about the provost.

I just wanted to see you and,
you know, check it out.

And I wouldn't mind seeing
the gemstones of Yale.

- The huh?
- The gemstones. The Yale gemstones.

Oh, right.

So is it cool if we come?
It's only for saturday.

Yeah, it'd be great. I mean,
saturday's gonna be pretty busy for me

'cause we have to put out a parents'
weekend edition of the paper,

but I could
definitely do lunch.

- She can do lunch.
- All right, then we'll do lunch.

I'll have extra
provost with mine.

Hey, after lunch,
can we walk Hunky Dan?

You mean, Handsome Dan?

That's his official
mascot name.

"Hunky Dan" is what I call
him when we're alone.

Mom, I got to go.

You know who'd make a great mascot?
Paul Anka.

Mom--

I'm not sure he's the Ivy League type,
though. He might need more

of a hacky-sacking, poetry-reading,
tie-dyeing kind of place --

- Mom!
- Like Reed or Oberlin,

where the air is sweet with
the scent of patchouli.

Mom, I'm not missing the
beginning of this lecture.

Nerd alert!
Nerd alert! Nerd alert!

- What kind of sandwich is that, Luke?
- Ham and cheese.

- Is it stinky cheese?
- Cheddar.

Because you really don't want to pack
April a lunch with stinky cheese.

By lunchtime,
the whole bag will smell,

and people won't believe it when
she says it's just the cheese.

They'll think it's her.
They'll think she's stinky.

Eat your breakfast, Kirk.

- Muffin?
- Yes, muffin?

No, I'm offering.

- Is it bran?
- It's banana.

It could be banana-bran.

- It's just banana.
- Okay.

- Butter?
- Not too much.

- 1 1/2 pats.
- Two pats is too much.

- 1 1/2.
- April, your ride's here.

I'm coming!

- Got everything?
- Yeah.

- Protractor?
- I got it.

- Biology homework?
- Yep.

- Extra sweater?
- Green cardigan in my locker.

- Good, good.
- Bye, dad.

- Wait, what about your swimsuit?
- I got it.

You sure you don't need
a ride to swim practice?

Megan's mom is taking me.
I told you.

She's coming!
All right, so, look --

I'll pick you up at 5:00,
and I'll be there right after work.

- Okay.
- Okay. All right.

All right, already!
She's standing right here! Go!

All right. Bye.

I should go, too.

Have a good day, baby.

You too.

- Bye, Luke.
- Bye, Lulu.

Could someone crack a window?
Because I am suffocating.

- What?
- Tell me you didn't see that.

See what, Kirk?

Lulu! She's smothering me!

Smothering you?

Everywhere I go, there she is.

I'm sitting at the movies.
Who's sitting next to me? Lulu.

I go out to dinner.
Who's sitting across from me? Lulu.

I'm hanging out on the couch,
watching TV.

Who's right there next to me?

- Your mother.
- And Lulu.

And at least mother
respects my personal space.

Sometimes when you're
watching "Antiques Roadshow,"

you just don't want
somebody tickling your arm.

Bye again.

You're pitiful.

I'm just telling you how it is.

You don't tell me how it is.
I tell you how it is.

- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do.

You think you do, but you don't.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.

You're telling me that
you tell me how it is?

That's what I'm telling you.

- We'll just see about that. Lorelai?
- Busy.

- We have a question.
- Busy, busy bee.

Sookie's under the mistaken
impression that she will be

in charge of the front desk
while you are in Paris.

I informed her that
that job falls to me.

Could you please
clear this up for her?

Did I not mention how busy I am?
Busy, like a bee. Bzzz!

Lorelai!

Michel, while I am away,
you're in charge of the front desk.

However, Sookie is a
co-owner of the Inn,

so she is in charge in charge.

That is preposterous.
She does not know the first thing

about running the front desk.

All I have to know is how
to tell your sorry behind

to stand at the front
desk and be courteous

and to check those nice
people in and out.

- Sorry.
- Absurd.

That's right --
back to your station!

Really? Was that
really necessary?

- What?
- To provoke him like that.

You know how sensitive he is.

Well, I'm sorry.
He's been driving me crazy.

He keeps referring to
himself as my supervisor

and insisting that I
call him "captain."

Well now I have to deal all
day with sulky, pouty Michel.

He's a big baby.

He should come to work wearing
a diaper and carrying a rattle.

Maybe while I'm gone,
you can get him to do that.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

- Are you Sookie St. James?
- That's me.

I'm Harvey Tuttle.
I just took over the Tillman farm.

Oh, yeah. Congratulations.
Beautiful property.

Thank you. I still can't
quite believe it's all mine.

Anyhow, this is my first crop,

and I'm offering free samples
to all the local restaurants.

Got some eggplant, some zucchini,
some tomatoes here.

Oh, thank you, but I already
have a vegetable supplier.

Well, you know, technically,
tomatoes are a fruit.

Ah. Fair point.

Well, I have a vegetable
and fruit supplier.

- How about legumes?
- And legumes.

That's okay. Why don't you go
ahead and take this batch anyway?

- Oh, no, no, no.
- On the house.

If you like it and feel like
passing my name along to someone,

I'd greatly appreciate it.

- Okay. I will do that.
- Thank you.

It was nice meeting
you, Sookie.

Nice to meet you, too.

Come on! Everybody should be
in the locker room!

Allison, Haley, no running.

My towel's all wet.

That's what happens when you
throw it in the pool, Laura.

It's a terrific lesson
in cause and effect.

Now, squeeze it out
and go get changed.

Thank you.

- Hi, there.
- Hi. I'm Luke Danes.

April's dad.
She talks a lot about you.

Yeah, you must be
coach Bennett.

- Susan.
- Yeah.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah. You too.

April's in the locker room.
She should be right out.

Okay.

She's doing really great --

definitely one of our most
enthusiastic swimmers.

Yeah, she really
seems to love it.

Good natural technique, too.
Does she get that from you?

Oh, no, not me.
No, I don't really know how to swim.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

I mean, I could doggy-paddle
to shore in a pinch,

but I never really
learned formally, you know.

Luke, that's not good.

I'm pretty good
on land, though.

You need to be certified.

You take April to pools,
lakes, the ocean.

I never really
thought about that.

No worries. I teach an adult swim class
saturday mornings for 1 1/2 hour.

It's an 8-week course. And in fact,
I started new classes last week,

so if you came this saturday, you'll
really not have missed much at all.

Oh, I-I don't know.

Luke, this is not
something I would wait on.

Well, I -- Yeah, okay.
I guess I could do that.

Great.

- Hey, dad.
- Hey.

Oh, this is coach Bennett.

Yeah, we were just meeting.

Well, did she tell you I'm gonna
swim the 100-meter butterfly

and the 4x100-meter freestyle
at our meet next week?

No, but that's great!

I mean, I'm not anchor or anything,
but I'm still pretty fast.

And getting faster
all the time.

And hey, your dad's gonna
take a swim class with me.

Really? You are?

Well, yeah.

Do you even own a bathing suit?

Yeah, I do.
I mean, it's not a Speedo or anything.

That is the funniest
thing I have ever --

can we call mom and
tell her from the car?

Yeah.

Grass is just not this green -- not
outside of "Pleasantville," it isn't.

So, what exactly
are you saying?

I'm suggesting they
brought in sod.

- You suspect sod.
- Yes, yes, or spray paint.

Maybe they spray-painted the grass
when they spray-painted these trees

'cause there's autumnal foliage
and then there's autumnal foliage.

It's over the top, people.

You're onto them. Hey, you think
Yale piped in this crisp fall smell?

Uh, yeah, because Yale is crafty,
Yale is smart.

Yale is Yale, after all.

Have fun, you two!
Go, Bulldogs!

Hello.

Hi!

Let me ask you something.

Do you really go here,
or are you an actress hired by Yale?

What? I go here. I go here.

You're good.
I almost believe you.

I'm sorry?

Hi. We're Rory
Gilmore's parents.

Well, Rory Gilmore's parents,
welcome to parents' weekend.

- Here's a parents' packet.
- Fabulous.

Inside, you should find a map
of the campus. You are here.

So we are.

A schedule of the weekend's
events and a nametag.

Thanks. Great.
Go, Bulldogs.

I was just gonna say that.
Have fun, you two.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

Hey, let's be
Laverne and Shirley.

What? No.

Antony and Cleopatra?
F. Scott and Zelda?

Zinf and Del?

I think I'll stick
with my own name.

Pbht! Señor boring pants?
Mr. Stick-in-the-mud?

"A cappella," "a
cappella." Hmm-hmm.

There's a terrifying number of
a-cappella jams this weekend.

What exactly is an
a-cappella jam?

I don't know,
but it sure sounds painful.

Hey. We're here.

Hey. See if you can get that
editorial to fit on one page.

So, you're here.

With bells on,
and nothing else,

except leg warmers, roller skates,
and Groucho Marx glasses.

- How classy.
- Hi, Rory!

Well, we're your parents.
We're supposed to embarrass you.

Are you at the paper?

Yes, I am, indeed.
Where are you guys?

We are near a big brick
building and a big tree.

- Are you near there?
- Possibly.

We have a lot of brick buildings
and old trees here at Yale.

Tell her we're by the L-shaped
building that from the top

looks like a polaroid camera.

Believe it or not,
I don't know what Yale's buildings

look like from the sky.

How ignorant of you, honey.

Rory says she doesn't give two
figs about Yale architecture.

Not two figs?

1 1/2 figs is all I'll give.

So how are things at the paper?

Busy but good.
I should be done by lunch.

We got this schedule of events.
Any recommendations?

Brunch with the provost!

I might like to
tour the Peabody

or maybe catch one of
the faculty lectures --

There's one called "Plagues and
pleasures" with professor Summers.

Summers is good. He's a bigwig in
the world of molecular biophysics.

Sounds hard.

I doubt there'll be an exam.

How about "the extravagant
universe" with professor Quincy?

Hey, what is with
all the a cappella?

There's a cappella, a cappella,
morning, noon, and night.

I'm not sure I can take
that much a cappella.

Then you should avoid arches. A-cappella
groups tend to hang out under arches.

Arches and any other places
with good acoustics.

Thanks for the tip.

If you hear a pitch pipe, run.
I got to get back to work.

Okay, we're gonna have
brunch with the provost...

or on the provost --
it's still unclear.

- Bye, mom.
- Bye.

Hey.

What is with your nametag?

What do you mean?

It's in the middle
of your chest.

So?

So, you're supposed to
wear it off to the side.

Who wears a nametag in
the middle of their chest?

- Superman.
- Superman's "S"?

That was not a nametag.
That was an emblem.

So, this is my emblem.

"Hello, I'm Rory Gilmore's dad,
Christopher" is your emblem?

Yes.
Yes, it is.

I'm gonna have to ask you to
walk 15 feet in front of me.

And breathe in. And blow.

And breathe in. And blow.

Good, Luke.

But try not to take
such shallow breaths.

Try to take slower,
deeper breaths from your diaphragm.

- Feel that?
- Yeah.

I'm having a little trouble
getting deep breaths over here.

You're doing fine, Ronald.

Now you stopped
breathing altogether.

- Just try and relax.
- Okay.

It's okay.
You'll get the hang of it.

All right, everybody.
That's it. Good work.

You did good today.

- Yeah? Thanks.
- Yeah.

You caught right up.

I'll have you swimming
like a fish in no time.

Oh, good. Thank you.

So... you eat?

- Eat?
- Food.

I was thinking you could call me,
and we could get a bite to eat.

Uh, yeah, sure, sure.

Here. Here's the Young
Dolphins' contact sheet.

My number's right at the top.

Okay. Great. Thanks.

- See you soon.
- Bye.

Look at this propaganda.

Belgian waffles, cloth napkins.

I've had breakfast here before,

and it was paper napkins and
american cereal all the way.

Yeah --
lox, capers, itty-bitty bagels?

Pack of lies.

Coffee?

Uh, coffee.

Coffee.

I'm Lou, Ethan Morton's dad.

Cheers.

I'm Christopher. This is Lorelai.
We're Rory Gilmore's parents.

Rory Gilmore? Sure.
She's a senior, right?

Wow. Did you memorize
the student facebook?

The masthead of the
Yale Daily News.

Ethan's an aspiring journalist
and a big fan of your daughter's.

I love that Rory has fans.

Maybe we should set up a lunch or
something so Rory could meet Ethan.

Lou, honestly.

I apologize on behalf
of my husband,

who can't seem to remember that
Ethan already got into Yale.

The pressure's off. He doesn't
need his booster club anymore.

Daisy.

Hi. Lorelai and Christopher.
We're Rory Gilmore's parents.

Oh, Rory Gilmore's parents.

Oh! Where did you get the
darling little bagels?

Oh, they're right over here.
I'll show you.

You know, Ethan really is an
incredible journalist.

He wrote this editorial
for his high-school paper

arguing that it should be legal
to burn the american flag.

Insightful as hell.

I'd be glad to e-mail you a copy,
if you want.

Where is the provost?

Aren't you dying to
meet the provost?

Sorry if I was
being a bit pushy.

No. Please. You're a proud dad.

Yeah. And we should
be proud, right?

- Our kids done good.
- Yeah.

It's just hard to let go,
you know, after all those years

of looking over their homework
and reading their papers,

practicing lines with
them for the school play,

taking them to karate lessons,
violin lessons,

S.A.T.-prep courses.

What about 5:00 a.m.
hockey practice?

Science projects.

I helped Owen build a
wave generator one year.

$3,200.

That's what it cost me to
replace the kitchen tiles

when the thing exploded in
the middle of the night.

- It exploded?
- I sell ladies' shoes.

What do I know about
wave generators?

Jake -- Owen Huber's dad.

- I'm Christopher. I'm...
- Rory Gilmore's dad.

I was just talking
to your wife.

Um, actually, I'm not his wife.

I didn't say that you were. I was
talking about his wife -- Mrs. Gilmore.

She's over there
by the mimosas.

Unbelievable.

I'm sorry. Will you excuse me?

I'm gonna go talk
to Mrs. Gilmore.

Which lectures are
you guys gonna hit?

And I said to him,
"they've tenured Bill Sunderland?

Who's next -- Carmen Electra?"

Good one, mom.

Lorelai. If you'll excuse us?

- Lorelai.
- Hi.

Well. My goodness.
What on earth are you doing here?

What am I doing here? I think the
question is, what are you doing here?

It's Yale parents' weekend.

Yes, but you are not a parent.

I still can't
believe you're here.

Mother, it's parents' weekend.
I'm a parent.

That's why I'm here.
I'm a parent.

And I'm a grandparent.

Right. A grandparent,
not a parent.

- A grandparent is a type of parent.
- No, it's not.

A grand piano is a type of piano,
is it not?

Well, you got me there, Riddler,
but I hope that logic works

when I crash
grandparents' weekend.

Oh, please, Lorelai.
Your father and I have been attending

Rory's parents' weekends here at
Yale since her freshman year.

It's one of our
little traditions.

Hello, Rachel.
I'll see you at the field-hockey game?

It's one of your little traditions
to pretend to be Rory's parents?

Lorelai. What a surprise.

Yes, it is a surprise. You know why?
'Cause you guys aren't parents.

- Why are you here?
- I'm an alumnus, Lorelai.

Also a visiting faculty member.

And you'll remember,
until recently,

your father and I were the ones taking
responsibility for Rory's tuition.

Yes, I remember.

We felt someone ought to attend,
for Rory's sake.

It's obviously not
your kind of thing.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I'm glad you're here.

Thank you. Me too.
What's that supposed to mean?

You don't like these kinds of things --
things with schedules and nametags.

You mock these kinds of things.

Well, I'm here.
I'm not mocking. I'm brunching.

I think you'll find
parents' weekend great fun.

Thank you. It is. I am --
finding it great fun.

We always tour the campus,
check in here at Branford,

maybe take in a
faculty lecture or two,

and then take Rory
out to dinner.

You're taking Rory to dinner?

We're going to chez
Zinjustin this year,

a fabulous french restaurant.

They have a crème brûlée
that is to die for.

Well, that sounds like fun.

Too bad you're gonna miss the
tour of the gemstones of Yale.

The tour at Peabody?
I thought that was much earlier.

Yes, well, it is --
for the general public.

We signed up for a
special evening one.

Chris and I signed
up weeks ago.

Christopher's here?

Yes, 'cause he's a parent.
It's his weekend, too.

So, we'll go to the tour

and then probably hit a few panels,
go to the --

What is this you have on
your nametag -- "Zinf"?

What is "Zinf"?
Some kind of joke?

Oh, it's an old,
traditional Yale word... thingy.

What is that word --
"Zinf"? Is it hebrew?

Why is it on your nametag?

You guys don't know?
I thought you were all into Yale.

Hello, Emily. Richard.

Christopher. Nice to see you.

Hey, Lor, professor Quincy's
talk is about to start,

and I know you
probably don't --

Don't want to miss a word.
Yes, that's true.

Well, we've got to go.
You enjoy your evening.

Astrophysics waits for no man.

When supernovae explode,
they emit an energy

that is 4 billion times
greater than the sun.

So powerful are these
explosions that even though

they're occurring halfway
across the observable universe,

some 7 billion
light-years away...

My parents have got a lot of nerve,
you know?

That's one thing they've got,
is nerve.

They should put
it to good use --

start a knife-throwing
contest or something.

Lor...

I mean, lunch? Please.

They get dinner,
and we get lunch?

Lunch is such a booby prize.

...we would be able to see

that the expansion of the
universe was slowing down.

I just can't believe Rory didn't tell
us that they were coming, you know.

Berate her. "Rory...
you... little... rat."

But we've learned that the expansion
of the universe is not slowing down --

It's speeding up.

She says that she assumed that
we knew they were coming.

"When you assume,
you make an --"

Shh!

Something else is
happening in the universe

that is counteracting the
powerful force of gravity,

and that's what we
call "dark energy."

Hey, you know what?
We should have lunch at chez Zinjustin.

I hear they have a
crème brûlée to die for.

- Sure. Sounds good.
- Okay.

You can't make a
phone call in here.

I want to make sure
we get a reservation.

...back in the 1930s.

So, it may be that Einstein
was right all along.

Turns out the guy
was pretty smart.

All right,
are there any questions?

Yes?

Yeah, how can we tell
whether dark energy

is the same thing as the
cosmological constant?

Excellent question.

More thorough measurement from
observatories on the ground,

from the Hbble
Space Telescope...

I was making
ratatouille anyway.

Excuse me?

Perfectly good vegetables,
and I was making ratatouille anyway,

and no sense in wasting them.

Did I miss something?

Not like there's anything
to feel guilty about.

Jackson sells his
vegetables all over town.

I'm not just gonna
throw these away.

Just because Lorelai is away
does not mean that I'm obligated

to listen to your
incessant prattling.

I mean,
it would be wrong to waste vegetables.

Wasting vegetables is wrong.

I will listen to you
on one condition.

Call me "captain."

- No.
- Fine.

Okay... captain.

Yes?

The point is that Jackson's
vegetables are top-of-the-line,

first-rate.

But they're his vegetables,
you know, and these aren't.

These have something
different to offer,

and I shouldn't feel
guilty about --

You know what?
It's not worth it.

It's just ratatouille, okay?

Nothing to get all
riled up about.

Caesar, I'm back.

Hey, Luke, you want
to grab a cold one tonight,

- bird-dog some chicas?
- What?

As of 0700 this evening,
I'm going to be a free man.

- You are?
- I am.

Giving Lulu the old heave-ho,
hitting the eject button.

Kirk?

I owe it all to you, buddy.

Me?

You inspired me.

I look at you, and I think,
"this guy's doing it right.

Slave to no master."

You come home at 3:00 in the morning --
no one cares.

You want to eat dessert for dinner --
no one cares.

You walk around in tube
socks and tighty whities --

no one cares.

No one cares what you
do or where you go.

So, what do you say, Luke?

You want to be my wingman,

Goose to my Maverick?

♪ You never close your eyes anymore ♪

♪ When I kiss your lips ♪

♪ And there's no tenderness -- ♪

Listen, you pinhead,

you should be kissing the
ground that Lulu walks on.

Why that sweet girl lets you
within a hundred miles of her

is beyond me, but she does.

You are the luckiest man on the
planet to have a girl like that

looking out for you
and caring about you.

And if you say so much as
one unkind word to her,

I will personally break
every bone in your body.

You got me?

So, what did you end up
putting on the front page?

Don't play dumb, Paris.

My early-admission/early-actions piece.
No kidding.

It was a good article.

I'm hardly ever here anymore,
I'm putting in minimal effort

when I am here, and yet my article
is still the front-page lead.

It's almost too easy.

It's not locked yet, Paris.

Okay, A.K., you're gonna take
care of that Lacrosse caption?

What was wrong with what I had?

Well, you might save the metaphors
and alliterations for poetry class

and give me something
short and snappy.

And you might want
to mention Lacrosse.

You got it.

- I love how bossy she is.
- Well, she is their boss.

Yeah, I love that.

She's like a dictator,
only cute and nonviolent.

And instead of a country,
she has a newspaper.

"Yale Lacrosse team sticks
it to Ivy League rivals"?

Done. Okay, so, A.K.
will take care of that.

And good job, everybody.
Layout is locked.

It's funny. It's almost like I'd have
to work harder not to get the front page.

Oh, hi, parents.

You are the cutest
fascist ever.

So, how was the morning?

Brunch was lovely, except of course
for my parents skulking around,

which no one warned me about.
Hey, I forgot -- I'm still mad at you.

Don't be mad at me.

All right, fine. But only 'cause
you're the cutest despot ever.

What else?

We had a few close
brushes with a cappella.

That was a narrow escape.

We were taking a shortcut on
the way to the lecture hall,

and we almost
shortcutted our way

into a group of guys wearing
tuxedos singing "zombie jamboree."

You guys went to a lecture?

Yes, where I learned that
the universe is expanding

and that your dad is a
big question-asking geek.

Hey, we have come to take you
to lunch at chez Zinjustin.

Wow. Fancy.

Apparently, the crème
brûlée is to die for.

Since when do you
say "to die for"?

Since he got addicted
to "Project Runway."

Make it work.

You guys should meet everybody.

Mom and dad, this is Sheila,
Bill, A.K., Raj, and Joni.

- This is Christopher and Lorelai.
- Hello!

And you know Paris, of course.

Lorelai. It's been too long.

Hi. Oh. Wow. Okay.

And you know Christopher.

I believe we've met in passing.
Good to see you, Chris.

Good to see you.

We're just going to chez
Zinjustin for lunch.

You mean "Chez fancy pants."

My dad took me and my roommates
there for dinner freshman year --

back when he still loved me.
It's supernice.

I hear they match your napkin
to what you're wearing.

I hear they fold your
napkin into an origami swan

every time you leave the table.

I don't know for the napkins, but I
hear the crème brûlée is to die for.

- I heard that, too.
- You know what? You should all come along.

- Who? Us?
- Sure.

- Hey, let's bring the whole gang.
- Oh, dad, you don't have to --

I want to. It'll give me a chance
to get to know your friends.

- People might have plans.
- None.

- There's a shocker.
- I'm starving.

Well, all right, then.
Come on. Lunch on Rory's dad.

- Thank you.
- Cool.

Ah, thank you.
The wine is wonderful.

I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

Hey, this is a french restaurant.
Shouldn't all the servers be french?

Je ne suis pas français, mais je peux
parler français, si vous préférez.

Uh, where is the
nearest subway station?

- Another bottle, sir?
- Absolutely.

Anyway, the chalet in Killington
had this open floor plan,

sort of the way Rory's
apartment's laid out.

I've never exactly
seen Rory's apartment.

Oh yeah?

We mostly just hang at the paper and --
mostly at the paper.

Anyway, I really want to rent a
place at a ski resort this winter,

maybe Killington or Sugarloaf.

That sounds great.

You know, you should come --
totally.

We'll get all of Rory's friends
together for a long weekend,

ski, hang out.
It'b be a blast.

A ski trip sounds awesome.

Who's going skiing?

You are -- this winter.
Everyone's invited.

Right on.

You don't hang out with any of these
people outside the paper, do you?

Not so much.

Okay. Who wants dessert?

I'd love a crème brûlée.
I've never had crème brûlée.

I could do with a cognac.

I wouldn't say no
to a digestif.

Crème brûlée for me.
And a cognac.

You know, I think we'd like to get
crème brûlée and cognac all around.

- Sorry.
- Why sorry?

- Sorry if this lunch is weird.
- No.

- Rory...
- Okay, this lunch is weird.

I feel like we're those
lame-o parents of yore.

Dad is trying kind of hard.

Yeah. Any minute,
he's gonna start juggling plates.

And hanging spoons
off his nose.

Yeah, but it's sweet.

Seriously, whenever you
guys get a 3-day weekend,

- you should totally come up.
- Can we rent skis there?

Sure, or I can lend you a pair.

We'll have you jumping moguls down
a black diamond in no time, Raj.

I guess it's good that I experience
a little bit of lame-o parenting.

I mean, It's part of the quintessential
college experience, isn't it?

I guess.

And it's great that you
got to meet the whole gang

before our big ski
vacation together.

- Uh-oh.
- "Uh-oh" good or "uh-oh" bad?

I guess there isn't really
an "uh-oh" good, is there?

Listen up, guys. A bunch of students
that were protesting the war

took over president
Stewart's office.

It's look like we're gonna have
to rework the whole edition.

Why can't the news stop
while we're eating?

- I know, it's so impolite.
- I just got a text with a photo.

Looks like they're wearing
George Bush masks and...

Are those Condoleezza
Rice masks?

They make Condoleezza masks?

We've got to get on
this, everybody.

Um, so you guys, I'm sorry,
look like we've...

- It's okay, go.
- Duty calls.

Okay, Sheila,
get Keith on the phone

and see if you can get him down there.
Actually, get Samantha down there, too.

I want so many photos of this thing,
I can make a flip book.

Bill and A.K., get back to the office so
you can proof the stories or emailing it in.

Everyone else, you're with me.

- What about the crème brûlée?
- And our cognac?

I have yet to taste the
sweet nectar of crème brûlée.

This is going to
be our front page.

Front page? Really?

I think the front page
is fine as it is.

Paris...

Come on. We all know these
rabble-rousers are just looking
for attention.

- Why indulge them ?
- Let's go.

I want to go.
I want to report this story.

I just want to do it after
I eat my crème brûlée.

I mean, what if tonight
I get hit by lightning

and die a crème-Brûlée virgin?

A crème-Brûlée virgin?

You know what? Enough.
This is a major political protest.

It's a big story,
and it's going to go on our front page.

Now get your drunk, crème-brûlée-craving
asses out of these chairs,

and let's get to work, okay?

Besides the lead,
I'm going to need some color --

what's going on behind the masks,
that kind of things.

Joni, you want to
take a crack at that?

I'm a little tipsy.

Okay, is there anyone
who's not a little tipsy?

Thanks for lunch, dad.

- Thank you.
- Lunch was great.

- Great meeting you.
- See you later.

Well, I hope you're hungry
for some crème brûlée.

Are you sure you want to
fianchetto that bishop so early?

I don't know,
it depends on what "fianchetto" means.

It means I'm gonna kick your
butt if you make that move.

Well, you're kicking my butt anyway,
so I don't see

how one fianchetto is gonna
make much of a difference.

Besides, it sounds fancy and make me seem like
I know what I'm doing.

You're not very good.

April.

Sorry. I can be blunt.

Tell it like it is, sister.

Besides, later tonight,
when we Boggle,

which is what I was told
we'd be playing tonight,

it is your butt that is going to be
kicked, because I've been studying

my 7-letter words that
sound made-up but aren't.

"Palfrey" -- P-A-L-F-R-E-Y.

It's a saddle
horse for a woman.

Impressive.

Okay, so,
coach Bennett and I are gonna go out

and have some dinner together and talk,
and then I'll be home.

Shouldn't be more
than a couple hours.

Just a dinner and some talking.

It would be weird if it was
a dinner with no talking.

Sure.

And you should probably call her "Susan"
tonight, instead of "coach Bennett" --

- I think she'd prefer that.
- Good tip.

We'll hang out
until you get back.

Okay, you got the number
of the restaurant.

I'm gonna have my cellphone on me,
so if there are any problems --

Thank you, Luke. Bye.

- Bye, dad.
- See you later.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

Okay, now,
it's your move, darlin',

unless you'd rather discuss zymurgy --
Z-Y-M-U-R-G-Y --

the branch of applied chemistry
dealing with fermentation.

All right, all right.
We can play Boggle.

Yes!

Hello. Two?

Okay, right this way.

There you go.

Your waitress will
be right with you.

Thank you.
Oh, no. Come sit with me.

- There?
- Yeah. It's cozier.

Oh. Okay.

I hate being so far away.

- Wow!
- I know, right?

It's my favorite restaurant.

And you said you liked
to eat healthy, so --

Yeah. Huh.
I've never eaten this healthy.

So, "vegan" doesn't
just mean "vegetarian."

No --
no animal products of any kind.

No eggs, no milk, no cheese.

Just soy everything.

Soy steak is scrumptious.

I swear you totally can't
tell the difference.

Oh, I bet I can.

So, Luke,
let me ask you a question.

Okay.

Who would play you in
the Luke Danes movie?

- Huh?
- Alive or dead.

Uh... I never really
thought about that.

Take your time.
Do you want to know mine?

Sure.

Marlene Dietrich. Right?

- I don't know who that is.
- Sure you do.

- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

- Think.
- I don't.

"Touch of evil," "The
lady is willing,"

"Destry rides again."

"Your husband would rather be
cheated by me than married to you."

Oh, yeah, sure.

My last boyfriend --
"the ex" --

He was always
calling me "Marlene!"

Oh, you know what?
I think you might know him.

Bob McCullough, Laura's father?

No, I don't think I do.

We lived together
for four months,

and then he just
went totally psycho.

- Psycho!
- ...egg corns.

I swore I wasn't gonna date any
more single dads after that,

but here I am.

You hooked me.

Well, you know what they say --
third time's a charm.

Can I get anybody a drink?

Yes, please.

I heard a bone crack,
several bones cracking.

Crack, crack, crack --
it was like fireworks.

Rugby is a violent sport.

I guess the fact that an ambulance
was parked by the side of the field

before the game even started
should've been my first clue.

They don't park ambulances
next to tetherball matches.

I can't believe we lost.
It was so violent.

I guess they were
just violenter.

Uh, it's Rory.

They're at the paper.
They're still working.

Man!

Half of them are
drunk or hung over.

Joni passed out.

Oh, jeez.

Looks like she's gonna
be there all night.

Oh, that's not good news.

Well, silver lining --

that means she won't get to
have dinner with my parents.

We got the only meal.
We won parents' weekend,

and we didn't even
break any bones.

Yeah. Some meal.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I just --
I... I screwed up.

What do you mean,
you screwed up?

It's my fault that Rory's
got to work all night.

What do you mean?
You staged the student protest?

You wore a condi mask and manacled
yourself to the president's door?

The big meal,
ordering all that wine.

Her staff's a mess.
It's my fault.

Honey, if those kids are
gonna be journalists,

they have to learn
to write drunk.

I'm trying to be
superdad or something.

- Why?
- I don't know.

Does it have to do with the nametag-
in-the-middle-of-the-chest thing?

At the brunch, all the other
dads were talking about how

they took their kids to hockey
practice and violin lessons

and helped them study
for the S.A.T.s,

and I just stood there like a jerk,
nodding my head

like I'd done all those things.

Oh, honey.

I didn't do any
of those things.

First of all, Rory didn't need
someone to check her homework.

She was a self-starter.

Second of all,
she wasn't interested in hockey.

And third of all,
you don't have to try to be superdad.

I feel like I should be.

No. You can just relax,
you know?

Be yourself.
Be the dad that you are --

Clark Kent dad,
Christopher Hayden dad.

I guess.

Totally.

It's just -- it's too late.

I mean, I've got G.G.,
and that's great, but Rory --

Rory's grown up. I missed it.

You didn't miss it.

She's a senior in college, Lor.

We have years of hard
parenting ahead.

She is due for a
quarter-life crisis.

All those years of
stability do not bode well.

We're gonna have plenty to do.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

And the best part is...

we get to deal
with it together.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Quarter-life crisis, huh?

I'm pretty sure she's gonna
spin wildly out of control.

We're gonna have to do an intervention,
put her through rehab,

give her a place to stay while
she's divorcing the hell's angel.

♪ It don't make a difference ♪
♪ If we make it or not ♪

♪ We've both got one another ♪
♪ And that's a lot ♪

♪ For love ♪
♪ Let's give it a shot ♪

♪ Whoooa ♪
♪ We're halfway there ♪

♪ Ohhh, ohhh ♪
♪ We're livin' on a prayer ♪

Divine. The tomatoes
are so fresh and meaty.

The eggplant is what
puts it over the top.

Perfect sweetness.
Your best ever.

Well, I wouldn't say my best.

It is. It's a whole new level of flavor,
like a vegetable symphony.

What do you think, captain?

It's true.
It even surpasses my mother's,

and that woman made
ratatouille for a living.

Well done, Sookie.

Brava, maestra.

It's just ratatouille, okay?

Now, go get back to work.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

- Hey.
- Hey!

- You ready to go?
- Ready, Freddy!

Just dropped the kids
off at the Bstics'.

They made me take
my shoes off again.

They make everybody
take off their shoes.

I can't remember the last time I saw
the Bstics in anything but socks.

Then they had the audacity to
complain that my feet smell.

They really complained?

Well, they made sour faces
when I wasn't looking

- and rolled their eyes.
- Oh, Jackson.

What do they expect?
Of course my feet smell.

I work in the fields all day.

That's why I wear these big zip boots --
in order to contain the smell.

I swear, the next time they
come over to the house,

I'm gonna ask them to take
off their pants or something.

It's outrageous!

- I'm sorry, honey.
- Yeah, well...

I know the Bostics
are a little nutso.

Very nutso.
Who irons their couch?

But Martha and Davy
love going over there

and playing with Kayla and Ryan,
and when they come back,

they're so polite and cordial
for like an hour, which is nice.

That is a bonus, but still.

I know. I'll get my purse.

No!

- What?
- Ooh! Bad batch!

Saving it for the horses.

But you never mess
up your ratatouille.

Everyone's allowed a mistake
or two here and there.

You know what?
I'm just gonna -- just junk it.

Are you sure?
It smells fantastic.

I'm sure. Trust me --
it's awful.

Hey, you know what
I was thinking?

What do you think about a
nice romantic dinner, huh?

How about Cicero's?

Wow. Cicero's.

Yeah.

They have good ratatouille.

Okay, so long as I
can keep my shoes on.

Unless Cicero's has suddenly gone
japanese, I think we're good.

The first name that
I'm going to call is...

A.J.

She was very well-behaved.

Glad to hear it. Lane?

- Hey, Luke.
- I'm home.

You zonked out about
20 minutes ago.

Well, I should probably do the rest
of my zonking in my own apartment.

Thank you for hanging out
with me tonight, April.

My pleasure.

- See you tomorrow, Luke.
- See you tomorrow, Lane.

So, you guys had fun?

Totally. Lane's awesome.

How about you?

It was nice, you know?
We had vegan food.

Ooh. You couldn't
have liked that.

I did not, but coach Bennett
really seemed to enjoy it.

So, you're still calling
her "coach Bennett"?

I think she'll just remain
"coach Bennett" to me.

That's cool.

Hey, is that pizza
still up for grabs?

- Go crazy.
- Oh. I'm starving.

Real cheese.

We also ordered sticky buns.

Bring it on.

No quote from
president Stewart yet?

Nothing.

Have we picked the photo?

Sheila's got some
options for you.

- Layout's coming along.
- Good. Okay.

Keep it moving.
We have a deadline here.

Ow! Who made this
phone so loud?

Yale Daily News.

Will do.

We got ourselves a quote.
Steve's e-mailing it in now.

Great. Okay, would you mind
inputting these corrections?

Anything to get away
from that phone.

Hey, gang.

Hey.

We come bearing
doughnuts and coffee.

Gather 'round.
The chocolate eclairs are to die for.

Thanks, guys.

We figured you'd need some
all-nighter supplies.

Hey. So, um, I'm sorry about
getting your staff drunk.

Oh, don't worry about it.

You seemed pretty upset
at the restaurant.

I was just stressed out.
It's no big deal.

- So, you're not mad?
- No.

But dad, I think I would've liked
it better if on parents' weekend,

I could've just had
lunch with my parents.

Yeah, that would've
been better.

Next year --
grad-school parents' weekend.

Hey, if it's okay with you,
you mind if we hang out

- and watch you in action?
- Oh, I don't think you can hang out,

- 'cause you're gonna be late --
- Late for...

For your dinner reservations
at chez Zinjustin.

I told grandma and grandpa
that I couldn't make it,

but I accidentally told them
that you guys were free.

- You're evil.
- You were mad.

Isn't that a coincidence that they
had a reservation there, too?

Oh, don't eat that doughnut,

'cause I hear they have
a crème brûlée that is --

Don't.

Come on, get your lame-o-parent
selves out the door.

You don't want to be late.
That'll tick them off.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Bye-bye.

Transcript : Raceman
Subtitles : Willow's Team
www.forom.com