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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,330 --> 00:00:02,290 (Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Isn't it a wonderful time of year? 2 00:00:02,590 --> 00:00:04,250 Is it me, or is the whole city 3 00:00:04,250 --> 00:00:05,210 just twinkling? 4 00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:10,110 Okay, there's my Christmas cheer, divided amongst yourselves. 5 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,110 Can I have some coffee, please? 6 00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:15,110 Coming right up. 7 00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:16,050 Just made a fresh pot. 8 00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:17,450 Ooh, fresh coffee. 9 00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:18,850 Who had December in the pool? 10 00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:24,130 Well, I can't wait for Christmas. 11 00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:26,290 I'm gonna go out shopping and then curl 12 00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:28,270 up in front of a roaring fire with 13 00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:29,510 this great new guy. 14 00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:30,190 What guy? 15 00:00:30,590 --> 00:00:31,030 I don't know. 16 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:32,130 That's what I'm shopping for. 17 00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:34,710 I'm with John. 18 00:00:35,010 --> 00:00:36,730 I'm dreading Christmas this year. 19 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,870 Amanda and I are spending the holiday with 20 00:00:38,870 --> 00:00:41,550 my nana, who affectionately refers to Amanda as 21 00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:42,870 that little whore. 22 00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:45,610 You know, I can beat that. 23 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,550 Louis is cooking Christmas dinner again this year. 24 00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:49,830 That sounds nice. 25 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:50,690 Mm-hmm. 26 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:54,090 Last year, the turkey exploded. 27 00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:57,410 You know that little bag of giblets? 28 00:00:58,070 --> 00:01:00,530 Shot out of the kitchen, ricocheted off the 29 00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:03,209 credenza, and knocked out the cat. 30 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,770 Well, that's a walk in the park compared 31 00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:08,290 to spending Christmas with my mom at the 32 00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:08,510 home. 33 00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:11,270 Believe me, when death takes a holiday, that's 34 00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:11,750 where we go. 35 00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:15,950 Well, maybe you'd all feel differently about Christmas 36 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:17,770 if you stopped whining about your own lives 37 00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:18,990 and tried to help someone less fortunate. 38 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:20,810 Reg, look around you. 39 00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:22,790 By the time you find someone less fortunate, 40 00:01:22,970 --> 00:01:23,710 it'll be Easter. 41 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:28,350 I'm talking about these dear Santa letters from 42 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:29,290 underprivileged kids. 43 00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:30,830 The post office gives them out so that 44 00:01:30,830 --> 00:01:31,970 people can grant them their wishes. 45 00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:32,930 Oh, why do that? 46 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,610 You know, you're just giving the kids false 47 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:34,950 hopes. 48 00:01:35,030 --> 00:01:36,850 20 years from now, they're gonna be bitter 49 00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:38,850 because some do-gooder didn't fix the rest 50 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:39,570 of their lives. 51 00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:43,270 Is that what happened to Dr. Becker? 52 00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:48,350 It would explain a lot. 53 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,230 You know what, Reg? 54 00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:51,030 I'll take one. 55 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:52,310 Me, too. 56 00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:53,630 I'll have one. 57 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:54,210 Give me one. 58 00:01:55,930 --> 00:01:56,450 Thanks. 59 00:01:59,630 --> 00:02:00,150 John. 60 00:02:01,110 --> 00:02:02,450 I was gonna take it. 61 00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:07,190 Oh, my kid wants a robot. 62 00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:09,449 And my little girl wants a doll. 63 00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:11,690 Oh, this kid just wants a card. 64 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:16,850 Let me see that. 65 00:02:17,110 --> 00:02:18,390 Oh, fine, fine. 66 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,510 I'll get him the damn CD player he 67 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:20,770 wants. 68 00:02:20,770 --> 00:02:22,910 You know, what I ought to do is 69 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,430 give him something to prepare him for the 70 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:24,830 future. 71 00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:26,390 You know, an apron, a hairnet, and a 72 00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:26,850 spatula. 73 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:29,590 Hey. 74 00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,610 Oh, I'm sorry, Reg. 75 00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:32,990 Yeah, I forgot. 76 00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:33,710 Yeah, sorry. 77 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:46,720 Doctor's office. 78 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:48,200 Hi, Daddy. 79 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,700 Oh, you're coming for Christmas? 80 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:51,440 That's great. 81 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:52,360 I wanna make... 82 00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:54,260 What? 83 00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,020 Oh, why do you have to bring your 84 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,060 slutty new girlfriend? 85 00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:01,080 And doesn't she mind when you call her 86 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:01,380 that? 87 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,040 All right, all right. 88 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:05,820 I'll see you on Christmas. 89 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:09,840 I don't wanna alarm anybody, but there's a 90 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,380 naked guy standing out there wearing nothing but 91 00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:13,320 a Santa hat. 92 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:15,800 Count your blessings. 93 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,460 He used to be standing in here. 94 00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:22,800 So, you took a nice, long lunch. 95 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,940 Did you at least buy a gift for 96 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:25,500 your kid? 97 00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:25,900 Huh? 98 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,160 Oh, right, right. 99 00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:28,380 The poor kid. 100 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:30,280 Uh... 101 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,120 No, I'm gonna wait till the last minute, 102 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,320 you know, when all the stores have their 103 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:33,640 sales. 104 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,240 What's up here? 105 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:36,160 Okay. 106 00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:38,840 A little girl ate a whole gingerbread house. 107 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,420 A lady stepped on a broken ornament, and 108 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,580 some guy threw out his back hauling fruitcakes. 109 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:44,420 Oh, boy. 110 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,760 You know, I'd hate to be a delivery 111 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,660 guy this time of year. 112 00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:50,480 Actually, he's an ambulance driver from Bellevue. 113 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:52,960 Oh. 114 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,720 All right, what can I do for you, 115 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,420 Mr. Ellison? 116 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,820 Doc, I need something for, uh, gas. 117 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:13,720 Sure. 118 00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:15,660 Uh... 119 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:20,519 I'm gonna have to examine you, because, uh, 120 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,080 gas can be a symptom of something more 121 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:23,520 serious. 122 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,460 Oh, it's serious, all right, but it's not 123 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:25,740 me. 124 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:26,860 See, it's my boss. 125 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,740 We're two halves of a reindeer. 126 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,460 You're the wrong half. 127 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,280 Why are you laughing? 128 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,020 It's not funny. 129 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,800 I need something that I can drop in 130 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,020 my boss's eggnog, or I'm gonna die. 131 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:45,820 No, no, you can't just slip him something 132 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:46,300 like that. 133 00:04:46,380 --> 00:04:47,720 You're gonna either have to tell him or 134 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,380 live with it. 135 00:04:49,620 --> 00:04:52,480 As I may have mentioned, I'm gonna die. 136 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:54,840 Yeah, I'm sorry. 137 00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:56,880 But, hey, look on the bright side here. 138 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,780 A couple of hours with your nose in 139 00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:00,420 your boss's butt, you might get a promotion. 140 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:05,040 Yeah, real funny, Doc, real damn funny. 141 00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:15,290 You know, Reg, that was a great idea, 142 00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:16,290 answering those kids' letters. 143 00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:17,490 Oh, what'd you get? 144 00:05:17,690 --> 00:05:18,230 I don't know. 145 00:05:21,710 --> 00:05:24,010 The department store was so crowded, I just 146 00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:25,350 grabbed whatever I could and got the hell 147 00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:25,750 out of there. 148 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:28,070 What did I get? 149 00:05:29,210 --> 00:05:30,950 A Game Boy and a strainer. 150 00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:32,490 Oh. 151 00:05:33,390 --> 00:05:34,030 Merry Christmas. 152 00:05:36,910 --> 00:05:37,550 Thank you. 153 00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:39,950 I got my kid a robot. 154 00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,370 It walks, it talks, and it picks stuff 155 00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:42,670 up. 156 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,970 Which is already one more thing than Louis 157 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:45,210 does. 158 00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:49,010 I not only got my kid the Barbie 159 00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,470 doll, but I got her a whole wardrobe, 160 00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:53,130 the beach house, the pink Corvette, the little 161 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:54,930 plastic bimbos living better than I am. 162 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,330 Hey, guys. 163 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:00,930 So, John, did you buy your gift yet? 164 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:03,090 Yeah, for your information, I got it, like, 165 00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:03,890 three days ago. 166 00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:04,950 Oh, really? 167 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:06,210 What did you get him? 168 00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:09,110 Yeah, I've been really busy, Margaret. 169 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:12,430 I can't believe you took that letter and 170 00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:13,710 you're not gonna send that kid anything. 171 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,870 That kid's gonna wake up Christmas morning thinking 172 00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:17,410 that Christmas is a giant sham. 173 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:18,830 It is a sham. 174 00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,450 So when you think about it, I just 175 00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:22,090 gave that kid the gift of truth, which 176 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,650 is, you know, way too big to wrap. 177 00:06:25,830 --> 00:06:27,590 Oh, save it, John. 178 00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,470 I already bought him a CD player. 179 00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:31,030 It's wrapped and on your desk. 180 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,350 All you have to do is address it 181 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:33,130 and mail it. 182 00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:34,210 Wow. 183 00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:36,030 Boy, it really does feel good to give, 184 00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:36,410 doesn't it? 185 00:06:38,110 --> 00:06:44,060 I can't believe this. 186 00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:46,600 Now my mother's coming for Christmas and she's 187 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,540 bringing her boyfriend. 188 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,700 I don't know why she's bringing him to 189 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,200 my house. 190 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,560 It's not like I have a pool to 191 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:51,840 clean. 192 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,560 Yeah, David just has a cold. 193 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,500 A few days in bed, he'll be fine. 194 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,000 Bye-bye. 195 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:03,440 Boy, I tell you, we need more patients 196 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,480 like that at Christmas. 197 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,840 Calm, not going crazy, just taking the holiday 198 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:08,660 in stride. 199 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:10,480 You mean kids? 200 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:11,960 No, Jews. 201 00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:16,220 Hey, you know what? 202 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,900 If this is it, why don't you take 203 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:18,780 the rest of the day off? 204 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,440 A whole hour early? 205 00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:22,640 With pay? 206 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,000 Ah. 207 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,520 Well, hey, you know, what the hell? 208 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:28,720 Merry Christmas, Margaret. 209 00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:31,040 Merry Christmas, John. 210 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,300 Hey, did I hear something about people leaving 211 00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:35,600 early? 212 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:36,960 Oh, yeah, go ahead. 213 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:37,700 Take off, Linda. 214 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,000 Oh, do me a favor, though, will you? 215 00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,720 If you're going by a post office, mail 216 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:41,240 this for me. 217 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:42,240 Here's the address. 218 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,620 It's too late to mail anything. 219 00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,040 The post office is closed. 220 00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:46,840 Oh. 221 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,000 Well, I tried. 222 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,000 If you really want that little boy to 223 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,400 get his gift, you could drive it out 224 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,100 to his house. 225 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,160 Are you nuts? 226 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,560 He lives out in Queens. 227 00:07:57,700 --> 00:07:58,640 That's not just time. 228 00:07:58,860 --> 00:07:59,290 That's tolls. 229 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,840 You know, Dr. Becker, by taking that letter, 230 00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:05,800 you made a promise to that child, and 231 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,580 you should keep it. 232 00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:08,620 It's the right thing to do. 233 00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:12,980 Why do I have to go out to 234 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:13,380 Queens? 235 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,400 This is the Bronx. 236 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,880 I could throw this out a window and 237 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,760 hit a poor kid. 238 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,900 Right thing to do my ass. 239 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,120 Excuse me. 240 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,520 Go away. 241 00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:50,560 I need a ride into Queens. 242 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:51,560 You going over the bridge? 243 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,300 Does it look like I'm going anywhere? 244 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,120 Listen, if you had another passenger, you could 245 00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,520 use the carpool lane. 246 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,320 Oh, it is cold out there. 247 00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:07,980 Thanks. 248 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,920 My car broke down. 249 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,500 Oh, I've been out there freezing for an 250 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:14,740 hour. 251 00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,880 You're the first person to even talk to 252 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:17,940 me, let alone help me. 253 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,040 I got to tell you, when a stranger 254 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:21,840 goes out of his way for... 255 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:22,660 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 256 00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,640 Oh, I love this one. 257 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,800 Bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum, bum-bum 258 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,480 -bum-bum, bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum. 259 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,480 So where is this carpool lane? 260 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,400 Actually, you're already in it. 261 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,920 I just thought I'd help you avoid a 262 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:37,140 ticket. 263 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,180 Bum-bum-bum, bum-bum-bum, bum-bum 264 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:41,860 -bum, bum-bum-bum. 265 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:46,240 Ma? 266 00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:50,580 Ma? 267 00:09:54,350 --> 00:09:55,430 G-47. 268 00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:56,090 Bingo! 269 00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:00,950 I'm sorry, Ma, did I wake you? 270 00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,270 Bobby, come over here. 271 00:10:05,030 --> 00:10:06,970 That wasn't nice. 272 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,830 Now give me a kiss. 273 00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:12,590 So what the hell are you doing here? 274 00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:14,590 It's Christmas, Ma, don't pretend like you don't 275 00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:14,830 know. 276 00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:16,890 A cigarette? 277 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:17,850 Are you crazy? 278 00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,310 You can't smoke in here, that's an oxygen 279 00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:19,790 tank. 280 00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:21,570 Relax, it's not lit. 281 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:23,410 But if they ever tell me I have 282 00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,030 five minutes to live, I don't want to 283 00:10:25,030 --> 00:10:26,330 waste it looking for a cigarette. 284 00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:28,290 All right, all right, fine. 285 00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:32,410 So, where is it? 286 00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:33,410 Where's my gift? 287 00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:35,890 I didn't have time to shop this year. 288 00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:36,770 What? 289 00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:38,490 Relax. 290 00:10:38,490 --> 00:10:40,470 I'm yanking your chain. 291 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:43,850 Here, Merry Christmas, doll. 292 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:47,130 Oh, man, it's a police car. 293 00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,510 Oh, I know you love cars. 294 00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:52,070 And it's got a remote control. 295 00:10:52,810 --> 00:10:54,470 And I know you hate moving. 296 00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:58,370 Ma, this is really expensive, you shouldn't have. 297 00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:00,270 Ah, forget it, it fell off a truck. 298 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:00,810 Enjoy. 299 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:03,490 Thanks, Ma. 300 00:11:03,610 --> 00:11:04,170 You bet. 301 00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:06,870 Okay, now you have to open yours. 302 00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:09,050 Fancy bag. 303 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:14,740 It's perfume. 304 00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,360 The saleswoman at the store says it gets 305 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,300 rid of that old lady smell. 306 00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:22,840 Bobby, come over here. 307 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,580 That wasn't nice. 308 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,240 Now give me a kiss. 309 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:29,920 Can I try it? 310 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,380 Well, I can't return it. 311 00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:34,840 This is so cool. 312 00:11:36,140 --> 00:11:37,040 Code blue! 313 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:38,020 Code blue! 314 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,760 Sorry about that, guys. 315 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,420 Oh, look at that. 316 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:55,660 It's starting to snow. 317 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,980 And on Christmas Eve, how's that for a 318 00:11:57,980 --> 00:11:58,240 miracle? 319 00:11:59,660 --> 00:12:01,980 Those are ashes from the car fire up 320 00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:02,360 ahead. 321 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,700 Still, it's a beautiful night. 322 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,880 So quiet, so peaceful. 323 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,260 And move it, you jackass! 324 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,660 I guess it's hard to be patient. 325 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,900 We've all got someplace to be. 326 00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:17,580 I mean, I'm supposed to meet up with 327 00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,500 a couple old college buddies, but I guess 328 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,200 we'll all just get there when we get 329 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:22,540 there. 330 00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:25,520 The important thing is to be grateful for 331 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,360 all the goodness in life. 332 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,340 Oh, you know, that's it. 333 00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:28,620 You know, I'm gonna go see what the 334 00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:29,680 hell's taking so long. 335 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,280 You mind if I listen to Christmas music 336 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:33,940 while you're gone? 337 00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:37,000 Actually, that'd be the best time to listen 338 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:37,900 to Christmas music. 339 00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:45,100 Hello, Bobby. 340 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,140 Mmm, this is delicious. 341 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:50,780 It's canned turkey, Ma, just like you used 342 00:12:50,780 --> 00:12:51,020 to make. 343 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,780 Okay, Ma, it's officially after dinner. 344 00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:57,980 Now, you know what that means. 345 00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:58,820 What does that mean? 346 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:05,680 May I? 347 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,000 May you what? 348 00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,260 Come on, Ma, don't pretend like you don't 349 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:08,460 know. 350 00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:09,220 We have to dance. 351 00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:10,280 It's our Christmas tradition. 352 00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:11,600 All right, all right. 353 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,500 I'm coming, I'm coming. 354 00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:22,930 Oh, honey. 355 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,650 Bobby, this is so nice. 356 00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,190 Yeah, it is, Ma. 357 00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:28,950 Yeah. 358 00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:30,270 Shall we dip? 359 00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:31,490 Yeah, why not? 360 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:32,510 Just a second. 361 00:13:35,550 --> 00:13:36,150 You ready? 362 00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:37,610 Go for it. 363 00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:45,370 No, honey, this really tired me out. 364 00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:47,030 I gotta rest up for my date. 365 00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:47,750 Really? 366 00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:48,350 You got a date? 367 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:48,730 With who? 368 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,390 Mr. Bellows across the hall. 369 00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:54,150 We're gonna watch Midnight Mass from St. Peter's. 370 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:00,590 Directly across the hall? 371 00:14:01,330 --> 00:14:01,770 Yeah. 372 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:03,990 I get the feeling he'll be getting to 373 00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:04,950 St. Peter's a little early. 374 00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:07,150 Fine. 375 00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:09,310 He can wait for me for a change. 376 00:14:11,690 --> 00:14:15,350 Bobby, thanks for coming over. 377 00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:24,060 You know, Ma, I just wanna tell you, 378 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,180 I'm really gonna turn things around this year. 379 00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:28,160 I can just feel it. 380 00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:29,800 Oh, honey. 381 00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,520 I'm proud of you just the way you 382 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,100 are. 383 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,100 Thanks, Ma. 384 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,580 Now, who's my best little boy? 385 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:39,140 Me. 386 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,080 Who's me? 387 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:42,360 Bobby. 388 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,620 And what is Bobby? 389 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,420 I'm your best little boy. 390 00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:52,060 I love you, Ma. 391 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,020 I love you, too, babe. 392 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:57,500 Merry Christmas, Bobby. 393 00:14:58,680 --> 00:14:59,680 Merry Christmas, Ma. 394 00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:07,750 Well, they finally got the burning car hooked 395 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:08,830 up to the tow truck. 396 00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:10,590 Now the tow truck's on fire. 397 00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,010 That's... 398 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:14,870 that's great. 399 00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:17,810 That guy takes off and leaves a classic 400 00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:19,330 car just sitting here. 401 00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:23,730 Where's my gift? 402 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,570 That son of a bitch ripped me off. 403 00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:28,930 I can't believe that. 404 00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:31,190 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 405 00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:31,710 All right. 406 00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:34,710 Oh. 407 00:15:36,950 --> 00:15:38,170 Oh, come on, lady. 408 00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:39,410 Put your finger away. 409 00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:40,190 It's Christmas. 410 00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:53,500 Oh, hey, guys. 411 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:54,380 How were your holidays? 412 00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:56,920 An old black lady, an Asian girl, and 413 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,760 a blind guy got into a bar fight. 414 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,520 And, no, I'm not telling you a joke. 415 00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,940 I'm describing Christmas morning. 416 00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:08,260 Mine wasn't much better. 417 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,940 I spent Christmas with my cousin Audrey and 418 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:10,360 her son. 419 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,460 Cute kid, but he's got, like, 17 different 420 00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,060 personalities. 421 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,000 Oh, that's weird. 422 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,960 Well, on the plus side, one of them's 423 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,380 a 38-year-old lawyer, and he said 424 00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:18,780 he'd call. 425 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:20,720 He won't. 426 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,860 So, Bob, how was your Christmas at the 427 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:25,060 home? 428 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:25,700 Horrible. 429 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,980 Old people complaining, lousy food. 430 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,600 My mom thinks I'm, like, 10 years old. 431 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,100 She got me a remote-control car. 432 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:33,900 What, like a little race car? 433 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,360 No, this was, like, a really cool police 434 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,480 crew with lights and assignments. 435 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,180 It was pathetic. 436 00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:44,460 You're awfully quiet, Becker. 437 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,840 But if that's my Christmas present, thank you. 438 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:47,700 It's what I've always wanted. 439 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,200 I may have... 440 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,700 I may have witnessed a miracle. 441 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:54,900 What are you talking about? 442 00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:58,320 Well, something weird happened to me on Christmas 443 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,080 Eve, and I have no other explanation for 444 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:01,260 it. 445 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,339 I was on my way to give that 446 00:17:04,339 --> 00:17:06,319 kid his gift, right, and I got stuck 447 00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,400 in traffic, and this guy came up to 448 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:08,859 the car. 449 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,960 He asked me for a ride. 450 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,480 I said, okay. 451 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,180 Oh, my God. 452 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,000 You help someone? 453 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:18,839 That's not the story. 454 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:20,839 Hello, everyone. 455 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:23,119 Just tea, please, Rich. 456 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:24,700 Coffee for me, please. 457 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:25,540 In a minute, guys. 458 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,140 Go ahead, Becker. 459 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,140 Well, it turns out the guy I picked 460 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:31,280 up stole everything out of my car, including 461 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,220 that kid's gift. 462 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,520 But now, the weird thing is, when I 463 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,020 got to work this morning, I had this 464 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:38,240 thank-you note from the kid's mom. 465 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,060 But, you know, there's no way that gift 466 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:41,840 could have gotten there. 467 00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,120 It didn't have an address on it. 468 00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:44,560 Then how'd he get it? 469 00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,820 I think that's the point of my story, 470 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:47,200 Jake. 471 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,160 And there was no return address, either. 472 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,680 So how did she know where to send 473 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:53,760 the thank-you card? 474 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,520 So, this guy you picked up, who was 475 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:56,660 he? 476 00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,000 I-I don't know. 477 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,300 He was just a-a stranger, you know? 478 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,240 Came out of nowhere and then disappeared into 479 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:03,640 nowhere. 480 00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,200 And he was creepy, you know? 481 00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:11,760 All...happy. Do you have any idea where he 482 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:11,940 went? 483 00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:12,800 No, no. 484 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:15,200 Yeah, he said he was gonna go to 485 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,520 Queens to see two of his friends from 486 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,100 college. 487 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,380 Three college guys, huh? 488 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:23,940 Sort of like the Three Wise Men. 489 00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:27,860 Was there a star burning in the east? 490 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:29,200 No. 491 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,360 But there was a Buick on fire. 492 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,560 And in the eastbound lane. 493 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,560 Look, how long were you stuck out there? 494 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:42,300 Oh, I don't know. 495 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,180 It didn't clear it up until after midnight. 496 00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:47,580 It came upon a midnight clear. 497 00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:51,760 Wow, maybe you're right. 498 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:52,820 Maybe it was a miracle. 499 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,120 No, no, no. 500 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,800 There's got to be another word for it. 501 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:56,800 I mean, just hearing you say it, it 502 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,680 sounds so crazy. 503 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,120 I can't believe I said it. 504 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,300 No, damn it, damn it. 505 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,540 Something was going on out there. 506 00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:05,840 I mean, who was that guy? 507 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,380 Maybe he was an angel. 508 00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:11,940 Or... 509 00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,040 the spirit of Christmas. 510 00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:15,240 Yeah, I-I don't know. 511 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:15,760 I don't know. 512 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:19,920 You know, but what happened really was what 513 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,680 she said. 514 00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:24,360 You know, it calls into question everything that 515 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:27,380 I've ever believed in or not believed in. 516 00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,080 Maybe it was a sign. 517 00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,600 Maybe I need to start being different. 518 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:35,480 You know, better. 519 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:36,640 Yeah. 520 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,100 Oh, hey, listen, if I forgot to say 521 00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,020 this a couple of days ago, Merry Christmas. 522 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,420 Hey, Merry Christmas, buddy. 523 00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:44,140 Hey, Jake, Merry Christmas, buddy. 524 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,240 Oh, stop it! 525 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,220 What? 526 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,000 As tempting as it is to have you 527 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,100 walk out of here a believer, this is 528 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,500 not the way it's supposed to happen. 529 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:56,100 I mail the gift. 530 00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:58,640 Excuse me? 531 00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:00,960 Oh, I knew you wouldn't mail it on 532 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,520 time, so I did it for you. 533 00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:03,900 But you left it on my desk. 534 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,140 I left a gift for you on your 535 00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:06,460 desk. 536 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:11,440 For me? 537 00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:13,300 What was it? 538 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,120 Did you open it? 539 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:15,840 No. 540 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,560 Then it was a very expensive watch. 541 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,300 So, wait a minute. 542 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:25,260 All that really happened here was I did 543 00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:27,240 a good deed for some guy on Christmas 544 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,380 Eve and he turned around and robbed me. 545 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,040 Oh, I know. 546 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,100 It's terrible, John. 547 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,940 No, no, it's wonderful. 548 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,300 I always thought Christmas sucked. 549 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:36,440 Now I have proof. 550 00:20:40,980 --> 00:20:41,500 Hey, yeah. 551 00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:42,760 Move it, Tiny Tim. 552 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,580 I don't have all day. 553 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:49,740 You had to tell him. 554 00:21:22,600 --> 00:22:25,610 You had to 555 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:25,710 tell him. 33347

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