Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,092
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:05,446 --> 00:00:07,058
What do you think of this?
Too cute?
3
00:00:07,102 --> 00:00:08,496
Oh, not at all.
4
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,763
I-- I just, I worry
that the ragtag group
5
00:00:10,807 --> 00:00:14,120
of French pirates
you stole it from...
6
00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:16,038
are-- are gonna riddle our home
with cannon fire.
7
00:00:18,479 --> 00:00:20,092
Will, don't you know
the old adage?
8
00:00:20,136 --> 00:00:22,445
Guys who wore jellies
shouldn't throw stones.
9
00:00:24,363 --> 00:00:26,151
Touche!
10
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:27,458
So, uh,
who are you goin' out with?
11
00:00:27,502 --> 00:00:29,856
- Uh, just a guy.
- Who?
12
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:31,774
Grace: Stay there!
I wanna change my shirt!
13
00:00:34,563 --> 00:00:35,566
[beeping]
14
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:37,222
Jack: Hi, Will.
It's Jack. Listen.
15
00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:39,663
Two things. Very important.
I got a...
16
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:40,404
[beeping]
17
00:00:42,322 --> 00:00:43,238
Jack: Hi, it's me again. I...
18
00:00:43,282 --> 00:00:46,158
[beeping]
19
00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:47,379
Jack: And one more thing, you're
never gonna believe who gave...
20
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,818
[beeping]
21
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,050
Danny: Grace, hey, it's Danny.
Uh, just confirming tonight.
22
00:00:55,094 --> 00:00:56,620
If I don't hear from you,
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
23
00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:58,538
[beeping]
24
00:00:58,582 --> 00:01:00,369
Okay, this better work
'cause it's either this
25
00:01:00,413 --> 00:01:02,418
or the peach bridesmaid's dress.
26
00:01:03,899 --> 00:01:05,426
So you're not gonna tell me
who this guy is?
27
00:01:05,469 --> 00:01:06,907
[chuckles]
Will, it's really no big deal.
28
00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:08,389
No, come on, come on.
I'm just curious.
29
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:11,658
I mean, is it a blind date
or, or a new client
30
00:01:11,702 --> 00:01:13,751
or I don't know,
your ex-fiance
31
00:01:13,795 --> 00:01:15,233
who you wasted
two years of your life with
32
00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:16,628
until you finally
came to your senses
33
00:01:16,671 --> 00:01:18,415
and left him at the altar,
or what?
34
00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:23,166
Grace, why are you doing this?
35
00:01:23,211 --> 00:01:24,649
Tell you what, Will.
Why don't we try something new?
36
00:01:24,692 --> 00:01:27,090
Why don't we experiment
with letting me run my life?
37
00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:28,572
What is that supposed to mean?
38
00:01:28,615 --> 00:01:31,013
Oh, it's just that sometimes,
lately, all the time,
39
00:01:31,056 --> 00:01:33,498
you have a tendency, habit,
compulsion to run my life.
40
00:01:34,674 --> 00:01:36,374
Well, excuse me for caring.
41
00:01:36,418 --> 00:01:38,598
It's just that I'm the one who
always has to clean up the mess.
42
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,079
Now, I-- I'm like the little guy
in the circus
43
00:01:40,123 --> 00:01:42,171
who has to follow the elephant
around with the bucket.
44
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:50,236
- That is a horrible analogy.
- You know what I'm saying.
45
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,110
Nobody asked
for your help, Will.
46
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:53,636
Yeah, uh, said the girl
who dragged me home
47
00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:56,513
for clothing advice at noon!
48
00:01:56,557 --> 00:01:57,690
No, I would-- I wouldn't
go with that scarf.
49
00:01:57,734 --> 00:01:58,954
Oh, you're right.
50
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:03,008
- So just stay out of this!
- Fine, fine. You just...
51
00:02:03,051 --> 00:02:05,187
See, all you had to do was ask.
Fly solo!
52
00:02:05,230 --> 00:02:07,324
Grace: Thank you, that's what
I prefer, to fly solo.
53
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:10,156
Good! Before you do,
I would rethink those pants.
54
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,770
Grace: I heard that.
55
00:02:11,813 --> 00:02:14,733
[theme music]
56
00:02:22,449 --> 00:02:24,367
[instrumental music]
57
00:02:24,498 --> 00:02:26,067
So you want to have
dinner tonight?
58
00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:29,510
Wait a minute.
What, what's going on here?
59
00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:33,695
I like you.
60
00:02:33,739 --> 00:02:34,872
Since when?
61
00:02:36,572 --> 00:02:38,621
Always.
62
00:02:38,665 --> 00:02:40,364
I don't like
where this is going.
63
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:45,552
What? I just...
I-- I want your company.
64
00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:47,338
Okay, Grace has a date
65
00:02:47,382 --> 00:02:49,519
with Danny,
if you can believe that.
66
00:02:49,562 --> 00:02:51,741
Oh, my God, Danny Bonaduce
of the Partridge family?
67
00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:58,585
Uh, no. Good guess, though.
68
00:02:58,629 --> 00:03:00,896
Wait a minute,
Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny.
69
00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:04,078
As in ex-Danny? Mm.
70
00:03:04,121 --> 00:03:06,475
So how long did you wait before
you told her it was a bad idea?
71
00:03:06,518 --> 00:03:09,700
Did you bite her head off and
get to the creamy center? Rrr...
72
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:13,755
There is nothing wrong
with sharing an opinion.
73
00:03:13,798 --> 00:03:16,021
Oh. There is when you do it,
Will. It's called meddling.
74
00:03:16,064 --> 00:03:18,462
- And some of us are sick of it.
- What are you...
75
00:03:18,506 --> 00:03:19,900
What is everybody talking about?
76
00:03:19,944 --> 00:03:21,862
- I don't meddle.
- Oh, no?
77
00:03:21,905 --> 00:03:23,823
Let's put Will through
the meddle detector, shall we?
78
00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:26,264
[imitating machine beeping]
79
00:03:26,308 --> 00:03:28,357
"Jack, he's already
in a relationship."
80
00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:30,754
"Jack, he's a member
of the clergy."
81
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:32,193
"Jack, are you sure
you want to date someone"
82
00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:33,413
"with three strikes?"
83
00:03:36,377 --> 00:03:39,080
Naughty boys need love, too.
You know what I'm sayin'?
84
00:03:39,123 --> 00:03:40,606
[intercom buzzing]
85
00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:42,959
Ellen: Will,
Karen and Rosario are here.
86
00:03:43,004 --> 00:03:45,880
- Send them in.
- She's here with her maid?
87
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,318
Jack's intrigued.
88
00:03:48,452 --> 00:03:50,152
Jack's leaving. Buh-bye.
89
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,418
Oh, come on, let me stay.
Karen and I are lovers.
90
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:56,560
Karen, come on in.
91
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,347
- Oh, hi, poodle.
- Bye, poodle.
92
00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:01,617
Here, go buy yourself
some lunch.
93
00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:03,359
Okay, keep me posted.
I want to know if Ros...
94
00:04:05,365 --> 00:04:07,021
Will, this is Rosario.
95
00:04:07,065 --> 00:04:09,419
It's nice to meet you.
96
00:04:09,462 --> 00:04:12,470
Okay, come on, honey.
Sit-o down-o.
97
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:18,311
Try not to talk-o.
98
00:04:19,924 --> 00:04:20,666
Sit, sit.
99
00:04:22,758 --> 00:04:24,719
You hear how she talks to me?
100
00:04:28,773 --> 00:04:32,347
I speak English, okay?
101
00:04:32,391 --> 00:04:34,702
Oh, yeah,
except when it's time to work.
102
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:40,891
Then it's all,
"No hablo Ingles."
103
00:04:40,934 --> 00:04:42,373
I work like a dog.
104
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:45,424
It's not my fault
that you and Mr. Stan are pigs.
105
00:04:45,467 --> 00:04:47,255
They're pigs.
106
00:04:47,298 --> 00:04:49,303
I don't want to hear it,
Rosario.
107
00:04:49,347 --> 00:04:51,004
[indistinct yelling]
108
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:55,930
I'm nervous, Will.
I can't live without Rosario.
109
00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:58,196
Please,
you've got to help me out.
110
00:04:58,239 --> 00:04:59,678
Maybe you're better off
without her.
111
00:04:59,722 --> 00:05:01,160
How can you say that, honey?
112
00:05:01,204 --> 00:05:02,424
Actually,
I'm talking to Rosario.
113
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,735
[laughs]
114
00:05:04,779 --> 00:05:06,653
Why do you say that
about Ms. Karen?
115
00:05:06,696 --> 00:05:09,268
- I love Ms. Karen.
- Oh.
116
00:05:09,312 --> 00:05:11,099
I thought we talked
about that suit.
117
00:05:16,721 --> 00:05:18,858
- Okay, listen, senorita--
- Don't you start with me.
118
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:22,694
Ho-ho-ho, hey-hey. Wow!
119
00:05:22,737 --> 00:05:24,306
Tonight on "Springer,"
shallow socialites
120
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:25,744
and the maids who abuse them.
121
00:05:29,015 --> 00:05:32,240
Look, um,
we can apply for citizenship
122
00:05:32,284 --> 00:05:34,812
or get a temporary work visa,
123
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,773
but you know,
these things take time.
124
00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:38,212
Uh, know,
short of marrying someone,
125
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,130
I don't see any quick solution.
126
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,743
Well, how would that work?
127
00:05:41,786 --> 00:05:44,009
I mean,
just for argument's sake.
128
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:46,101
Well, she would get married,
but I mean, her groom-to-be
129
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,932
would have to be a US citizen
with no ties.
130
00:05:47,976 --> 00:05:49,502
Someone who's available,
but you know,
131
00:05:49,545 --> 00:05:51,550
not looking
for a romantic entanglement.
132
00:05:51,594 --> 00:05:53,163
Jack: Hey, you guys, look.
133
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:01,140
I'm Will's last boyfriend.
[squealing]
134
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:05,586
What?
135
00:06:05,630 --> 00:06:07,548
[instrumental music]
136
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:12,342
Don't you want to hear about
my date last night with Danny?
137
00:06:12,387 --> 00:06:14,173
None of my business. Schmier?
138
00:06:14,217 --> 00:06:15,830
- Schmaybe later.
- Schmoot yourself.
139
00:06:18,619 --> 00:06:21,497
Anyway, it was,
it was really interesting.
140
00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,719
What a change since
the last time I saw him. He's...
141
00:06:23,763 --> 00:06:27,251
He looks great, he's happier,
he's more focused.
142
00:06:27,294 --> 00:06:30,040
And he's here!
How about that? Hi, Danny.
143
00:06:30,084 --> 00:06:32,220
Morning.
144
00:06:32,264 --> 00:06:34,269
Hey, dude.
[chuckles]
145
00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:37,232
[instrumental music]
146
00:06:42,115 --> 00:06:42,899
[instrumental music]
147
00:06:42,942 --> 00:06:44,120
Hey, Danny. How you doin'?
148
00:06:44,163 --> 00:06:45,994
Alright, I'm alright.
How about you?
149
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:48,609
You, uh, you know, you still
into guys and all that?
150
00:06:49,569 --> 00:06:50,746
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
151
00:06:50,789 --> 00:06:52,707
The antibiotics
just didn't seem to work.
152
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:04,128
Before you say anything,
153
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:06,743
let me just tell you something
about Danny, okay?
154
00:07:06,787 --> 00:07:08,443
He's completely different.
155
00:07:08,486 --> 00:07:11,581
People do change, Will,
and Danny has changed.
156
00:07:11,625 --> 00:07:14,066
In fact,
he's changing right now.
157
00:07:14,110 --> 00:07:15,636
[laughs]
158
00:07:15,679 --> 00:07:17,074
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
159
00:07:20,082 --> 00:07:22,915
No, seriously, Will,
he-- he really has grown.
160
00:07:25,704 --> 00:07:26,620
Okay.
161
00:07:29,236 --> 00:07:30,151
Okay?
162
00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:32,068
Okay.
163
00:07:33,856 --> 00:07:37,954
Okay. Okay.
164
00:07:37,997 --> 00:07:40,830
Why don't you just
punch me in the stomach?
165
00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:44,666
Wow, you just can't hold back,
can you? "Okay."
166
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:47,805
Grace, I mean okay. Well, you
know, whatever you think best.
167
00:07:47,848 --> 00:07:50,464
Now you're just being cruel.
168
00:07:50,507 --> 00:07:53,211
[chuckles]
I know what you're thinking.
169
00:07:53,254 --> 00:07:55,172
You're thinking that-- that
I'm an idiot for going back
170
00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:56,610
into a relationship
that didn't work.
171
00:07:56,654 --> 00:08:00,184
Well, first of all,
how dare you call me an idiot?
172
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,667
And second of all,
did it ever occur to you
173
00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:03,628
that maybe we needed
this time apart
174
00:08:03,672 --> 00:08:05,633
to figure out how important
we were to each other?
175
00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:08,292
Did that ever
cross your mind, huh?
176
00:08:08,336 --> 00:08:10,036
Okay, fine.
You raise a valid point.
177
00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:16,967
Do people really change
178
00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:19,364
or are they the same
football-watching,
179
00:08:19,408 --> 00:08:20,933
steak-knife-giving,
180
00:08:20,977 --> 00:08:22,938
I-gotta-blow-outta-here
frat boy they always were?
181
00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:26,207
- Ah...
- Oh!
182
00:08:26,251 --> 00:08:28,910
[laughs]
183
00:08:28,954 --> 00:08:31,220
- Ho!
- Grace, I just said, "Ah."
184
00:08:31,264 --> 00:08:34,446
Yeah, but clearly, by "Ah,"
you meant okay.
185
00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:37,148
And I think we all know now
what that means.
186
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:40,636
What does it mean?
187
00:08:43,862 --> 00:08:45,693
- Tell me.
- Grace, excuse me.
188
00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:47,261
But yesterday you told me
that-- that you wanted me
189
00:08:47,305 --> 00:08:48,526
to mind my own business.
190
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,182
Why do you now want to know
what I think?
191
00:08:51,795 --> 00:08:52,928
Because...
192
00:08:54,192 --> 00:08:55,413
I was testing you.
193
00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,685
And luckily you passed.
194
00:08:59,729 --> 00:09:01,167
[clapping]
195
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:03,302
Because if you had
given me your opinion
196
00:09:03,346 --> 00:09:06,354
on this very confusing issue,
I really would have been mad
197
00:09:06,398 --> 00:09:07,880
because I don't need it.
198
00:09:07,924 --> 00:09:11,193
I can, I can make my own
decisions for myself, okay?
199
00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:15,029
You know what?
I gotta blow outta here.
200
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:19,606
Okay. Why don't I walk you
to the door?
201
00:09:19,649 --> 00:09:22,351
Yeah, Will, you-- you mind
if I grab a bagel? Just...
202
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,139
- Whatever you think is best.
- Oh, you're good.
203
00:09:26,361 --> 00:09:28,759
So listen, Gracie, it was, uh...
204
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:30,460
- It was great seeing you again.
- Yeah.
205
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,732
What about
maybe going away this weekend?
206
00:09:38,262 --> 00:09:40,529
You know what?
Never mind. Never mind.
207
00:09:40,573 --> 00:09:42,969
I forgot that to have
a relationship with Grace
208
00:09:43,014 --> 00:09:46,151
is to have a relationship
with Will and Grace.
209
00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:48,593
It was always a threesome
and not the good kind.
210
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,180
- I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.
211
00:10:04,765 --> 00:10:05,767
[sighs]
212
00:10:10,998 --> 00:10:12,175
You know, it's funny.
213
00:10:12,218 --> 00:10:14,180
I always imagined myself
a December bride.
214
00:10:16,795 --> 00:10:18,408
But there is something
about a last-minute marriage
215
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,329
to an illegal alien for a $1000
that has a romance all its own.
216
00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:28,478
Ms. Karen, I need a new dress.
I can't breathe in this.
217
00:10:28,521 --> 00:10:30,744
Honey, it fit yesterday...
218
00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:35,060
before the frozen turkey
mysteriously disappeared.
219
00:10:36,585 --> 00:10:39,245
[indistinct yelling]
220
00:10:43,952 --> 00:10:45,740
Jack, honey,
take good care of my angel.
221
00:10:47,919 --> 00:10:49,445
For the honeymoon,
I think I'm gonna bring
222
00:10:49,488 --> 00:10:51,711
Dan instead of Doug.
223
00:10:51,755 --> 00:10:54,632
Rosario,
who are you gonna bring?
224
00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:57,945
Oh, Jack, look at you.
225
00:10:57,988 --> 00:10:59,776
Is this the little girl
I carried?
226
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,048
Okay, I've drawn up your papers.
227
00:11:04,091 --> 00:11:05,616
I'm gonna need you both
to review them
228
00:11:05,660 --> 00:11:07,317
before your meeting
with the immigration people.
229
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,799
Speaking of which, pop quiz:
230
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,981
Jack, what side of the bed
does Rosario sleep on?
231
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,467
She sleeps in a hammock
on the sun porch.
232
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:17,081
How the hell should I know?
233
00:11:19,827 --> 00:11:23,314
Because if you don't know,
she's going to be deported.
234
00:11:23,358 --> 00:11:25,363
Rosario, where does Jack work?
235
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:27,324
He's on "The Guiding Light."
236
00:11:29,853 --> 00:11:31,553
Hey, I sent them
a tape of "Just Jack."
237
00:11:31,596 --> 00:11:33,165
It's just a matter of time.
238
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,257
"Solamente Yak."
239
00:11:36,609 --> 00:11:38,832
- Gracias.
- Okay, Jack.
240
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:40,489
This is serious, okay?
241
00:11:40,532 --> 00:11:42,407
This is not like the-- the time
you pretended to be Jewish
242
00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:44,237
so you could get
that rabbi's phone number.
243
00:11:44,281 --> 00:11:46,721
Ah. What a mistake.
244
00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:48,552
A guy who can't go out
on a Friday night.
245
00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:53,217
Honey, here's my credit card.
246
00:11:53,261 --> 00:11:54,655
Take your bride to lunch
and pump her
247
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:56,617
for some intimate details, okay?
248
00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:58,709
Okay, come on, wifey.
[clears throat]
249
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,804
It's happy hour at Boybar
and if anybody asks,
250
00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,155
you're a drag queen.
251
00:12:04,899 --> 00:12:07,035
As long as they have
chicken wings, I'm fine.
252
00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:11,874
So where's Grace?
I haven't seen her all week.
253
00:12:11,917 --> 00:12:15,012
Mm, I don't know.
Somethin' about work.
254
00:12:15,056 --> 00:12:16,755
I try not to get involved.
255
00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,591
Honey, what, what's this?
256
00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:22,902
What's happening?
What's going on?
257
00:12:22,945 --> 00:12:24,296
Nothing.
258
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:26,520
You're smelling her pencils.
259
00:12:28,394 --> 00:12:30,704
I just wanted to make sure
they're fresh.
260
00:12:32,928 --> 00:12:35,150
Alright, save it for the
laugh shack, honey, I'm busy.
261
00:12:40,817 --> 00:12:43,694
Jack wants a monkey
as the ring bearer.
262
00:12:43,738 --> 00:12:45,961
See you at...
No, I-- I'm sorry.
263
00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:47,094
It's-- it's this whole,
264
00:12:47,138 --> 00:12:48,881
it's this whole
Grace and Danny thing.
265
00:12:48,925 --> 00:12:50,930
I mean, does this not have
gigantic mistake
266
00:12:50,974 --> 00:12:52,325
written all over it?
I mean, I don't want to be a--
267
00:12:52,368 --> 00:12:54,025
Honey, honey, honey, honey.
268
00:12:54,069 --> 00:12:56,161
I sense this is gonna go on
for quite a while,
269
00:12:56,204 --> 00:12:58,428
so let me just boil
all this hoo-ha
270
00:12:58,471 --> 00:13:01,348
down to two important points,
okay?
271
00:13:01,391 --> 00:13:03,396
One, brown is over.
272
00:13:09,543 --> 00:13:13,379
And two, you need to get a life.
273
00:13:13,422 --> 00:13:15,036
- You don't understand, I--
- Get a life.
274
00:13:15,079 --> 00:13:16,778
- But I'm Grace's--
- Life!
275
00:13:18,784 --> 00:13:20,702
Alright, honey, you're done.
That's good.
276
00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:23,666
[instrumental music]
277
00:13:28,156 --> 00:13:29,638
Oh, I don't see you.
I don't see you. This is so fun.
278
00:13:33,953 --> 00:13:36,264
This is so stupid.
279
00:13:37,964 --> 00:13:39,707
I look like a pinata.
280
00:13:42,802 --> 00:13:44,415
Yeah, and if I beat you
with a stick,
281
00:13:44,459 --> 00:13:46,638
I could watch
all my money fall out.
282
00:13:49,907 --> 00:13:51,913
Now, how about a little
appreciation for all of this?
283
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,612
All I want is my green card,
284
00:13:53,656 --> 00:13:56,141
not a party
I have to clean up after.
285
00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:01,764
If it wasn't for this, you'd be
flying back to cucaracha
286
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,159
on Air Guacamole
287
00:14:03,202 --> 00:14:05,164
with live chickens
runnin' up and down the aisle!
288
00:14:06,907 --> 00:14:09,828
Listen, lady,
I'm gonna snap you like a twig
289
00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:11,310
and throw you in a bush.
290
00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:14,449
Yeah, I'd like to see you try.
291
00:14:14,492 --> 00:14:16,061
- Is this the thanks I get?
- Why don't you shut up?
292
00:14:16,104 --> 00:14:17,282
[indistinct yelling]
293
00:14:17,325 --> 00:14:19,853
Crazy lady!
294
00:14:19,897 --> 00:14:21,684
Oh, my God, my little girl
is getting married.
295
00:14:23,341 --> 00:14:26,261
[organ music]
296
00:14:31,623 --> 00:14:34,369
Hi, so nice to see you.
Thanks for coming.
297
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:36,287
Oh, you cut your hair.
It looks great.
298
00:14:36,331 --> 00:14:38,161
Hi, how's the baby?
299
00:14:38,205 --> 00:14:41,648
Oh, somebody better lighten up
on the fusilli there, huh?
300
00:14:41,692 --> 00:14:43,349
I don't know a person here.
How about that?
301
00:14:45,267 --> 00:14:48,187
[instrumental music]
302
00:14:52,982 --> 00:14:55,597
- Oh, something's ripped.
- Yeah, me.
303
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,582
You like my new bracelet?
Danny gave it to me.
304
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:08,762
It's nice.
305
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,682
Thank you all for coming.
306
00:15:11,726 --> 00:15:14,123
I know my husband Stan
would have loved
307
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:15,431
to have been here tonight,
308
00:15:15,474 --> 00:15:17,741
but regrettably,
could not attend
309
00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:20,139
as he is at home
watching the Knicks game.
310
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:27,985
However, I know that he would
echo my sentiments in saying,
311
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:32,562
"Rosario, by marrying Jack,
we are not losing a maid,"
312
00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:34,916
"we are keeping a maid."
313
00:15:40,713 --> 00:15:43,765
He gave it to me over dinner
last night. He cooked.
314
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:45,290
Can you believe
Danny cooks now?
315
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,426
Hm. He's the bomb.
316
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:52,744
Welcome,
"We are gathered here today"
317
00:15:52,788 --> 00:15:56,624
"to join this man,
John Phillip McFarland,"
318
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,192
"and this woman..."
319
00:16:00,721 --> 00:16:05,777
"Rosario Ynez Consuela
Yolanda Salazar,"
320
00:16:05,821 --> 00:16:08,480
"in the bond
of holy matrimony."
321
00:16:08,524 --> 00:16:11,400
"And today, Rosario and Jack
take their first step"
322
00:16:11,444 --> 00:16:13,449
"on the road to true intimacy."
323
00:16:13,493 --> 00:16:14,583
[laughing]
324
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:15,977
Shut up, you guys!
325
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,829
Danny still wants to take me
to the country for the weekend.
326
00:16:25,873 --> 00:16:29,272
- What do you think?
- Depends which country.
327
00:16:29,316 --> 00:16:30,667
Chechnya, no.
328
00:16:34,111 --> 00:16:36,377
I also think I'm falling
back in love with him.
329
00:16:36,421 --> 00:16:39,822
Oh, that is beautiful! God.
Are you out of your mind?
330
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:42,305
I mean, I mean, are you, are you
so intent on ruining your life?
331
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:45,183
My God! Pamela Anderson makes
better choices than you.
332
00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:50,588
Gotcha!
333
00:16:54,162 --> 00:16:55,296
A toaster.
334
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:59,612
Gotcha a toaster.
335
00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:05,147
You're registered for that,
right?
336
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,847
[no audio]
337
00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:15,173
Priest: A marriage ceremony
represents...
338
00:17:15,216 --> 00:17:16,131
I knew it.
339
00:17:17,962 --> 00:17:20,709
I knew that you thought
it was a bad idea.
340
00:17:20,753 --> 00:17:23,194
That's why
I broke up with Danny yesterday.
341
00:17:23,237 --> 00:17:24,980
You wh...
342
00:17:25,024 --> 00:17:27,508
Then why have you been baiting
me for the last ten minutes?
343
00:17:27,552 --> 00:17:29,078
Because I needed to make sure
that you thought
344
00:17:29,122 --> 00:17:30,299
Danny was still a mistake.
345
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,391
Of course,
I thought Danny was a mistake.
346
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:34,091
Well, why couldn't you have
expressed that earlier
347
00:17:34,135 --> 00:17:37,839
and saved me the agony of having
to make my own decision?
348
00:17:37,884 --> 00:17:39,845
Believe me, Grace, I don't want
you making your own decisions
349
00:17:39,889 --> 00:17:41,937
any more than you do,
350
00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:43,681
but you did tell me to butt out.
351
00:17:43,725 --> 00:17:45,337
Oh, don't play that game
with me.
352
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:48,649
You know damn well that butt out
means back off temporarily
353
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,701
until the right moment presents
itself to butt back in again.
354
00:17:51,745 --> 00:17:52,791
Forgive me, I left my
355
00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:55,624
Grace-to-English dictionary
at home.
356
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,020
Next-- next time,
just, you know,
357
00:17:57,063 --> 00:17:58,675
just tell me when to butt in
and when to butt out
358
00:17:58,719 --> 00:18:00,768
and when to do the hokey-pokey
and when to turn myself around!
359
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:08,919
Don't make me seem like
the unhealthy crazy one
360
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:12,886
when you're the one
who wouldn't tell me what to do.
361
00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,894
Hey, hey, hey. How long
have you two been married?
362
00:18:15,937 --> 00:18:18,117
'Cause maybe
it's been long enough.
363
00:18:18,161 --> 00:18:19,860
- We're not married.
- I'm gay.
364
00:18:19,904 --> 00:18:20,950
Well, if you're not married
and you're gay,
365
00:18:20,994 --> 00:18:23,042
what the hell's all this about?
366
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,229
[instrumental music]
367
00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:33,417
Wow.
368
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:36,120
Jack just married Karen's maid.
369
00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:40,740
- Unbelievable.
- I know.
370
00:18:40,783 --> 00:18:42,222
I haven't seen a kiss
that uncomfortable
371
00:18:42,265 --> 00:18:44,227
since Richard Gere
and Jodie Foster in "Sommersby."
372
00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:53,076
[exhales sharply]
373
00:18:55,473 --> 00:18:57,697
Why do I care so much
about your opinion?
374
00:18:59,483 --> 00:19:02,404
Maybe because
you don't trust yourself.
375
00:19:02,448 --> 00:19:04,017
Big question is
why do I care so much
376
00:19:04,061 --> 00:19:07,199
about how
you conduct your love life.
377
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:10,948
Maybe because you've got nothing
going on in your own.
378
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:12,953
Ouch.
379
00:19:14,827 --> 00:19:16,745
Not untrue, but ouch.
380
00:19:18,097 --> 00:19:19,099
Oh.
381
00:19:20,537 --> 00:19:22,587
I want to get married, Will.
382
00:19:22,630 --> 00:19:23,894
Well, maybe you didn't get
the memo, but I--
383
00:19:23,938 --> 00:19:25,289
Not to you, nervous.
384
00:19:27,861 --> 00:19:28,776
[sighs]
385
00:19:31,784 --> 00:19:34,095
I want to kiss a guy
under one of these things.
386
00:19:35,402 --> 00:19:36,143
Me, too.
387
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:39,717
So...
388
00:19:42,594 --> 00:19:45,733
Want to see how it feels to kiss
a guy under one of these things?
389
00:19:45,776 --> 00:19:47,171
[laughs]
390
00:19:55,584 --> 00:19:57,415
I don't think
we should live together anymore.
391
00:19:58,853 --> 00:20:00,640
The kiss wasn't that bad, Will.
392
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,312
I don't think we should
live together anymore, either.
393
00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:12,017
It's just when you moved in,
394
00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,240
it was so we could heal
and then move on.
395
00:20:14,285 --> 00:20:16,987
I know. And I don't feel like
I've moved on.
396
00:20:17,815 --> 00:20:19,210
Have you?
397
00:20:19,253 --> 00:20:20,866
I'm standing here
making out with a girl.
398
00:20:20,910 --> 00:20:23,133
That's the international symbol
for not moving on.
399
00:20:25,966 --> 00:20:27,841
Jack, get your ass
back out there
400
00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,759
and finish your chimichanga!
You're the host!
401
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,028
I don't want to!
402
00:20:33,071 --> 00:20:34,379
Rosario's been doing
tequila shooters
403
00:20:34,423 --> 00:20:36,123
and she's gettin' real handsy.
404
00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:40,439
Jack: Ah, marriage sucks.
405
00:20:40,482 --> 00:20:42,312
You guys are the only ones
who have it figured out.
406
00:20:44,012 --> 00:20:46,758
Come on, Yak,
we're going back out there.
407
00:20:46,803 --> 00:20:49,287
You've still gotta do the napkin
dance with Rosario's mother.
408
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,216
Hey, I've gotta lock up.
You think you two can move on?
409
00:20:59,879 --> 00:21:01,928
- Yeah. I think so.
- Yeah. I think we can.
30713
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof