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1
00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:03,744
Grace: Nope.
2
00:00:03,788 --> 00:00:04,746
Nope.
3
00:00:04,790 --> 00:00:05,836
No.
4
00:00:06,664 --> 00:00:08,234
No.
5
00:00:08,278 --> 00:00:09,498
No.
6
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:10,675
Oh. whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
7
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,376
"Intimate Portrait
of Molly Ringwald."
8
00:00:15,427 --> 00:00:17,345
And we're stopping because?
9
00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:20,745
Just to absorb the shock.
10
00:00:22,445 --> 00:00:23,491
It's official.
11
00:00:23,535 --> 00:00:25,061
They've run out
of intimate people.
12
00:00:25,104 --> 00:00:26,064
Yeah.
13
00:00:28,243 --> 00:00:30,858
Ugh! Look at this.
14
00:00:30,901 --> 00:00:32,471
[screams]
15
00:00:32,515 --> 00:00:36,133
Jack, warn people
before you do that.
16
00:00:36,177 --> 00:00:38,225
Oh, God. That reminds me, Will.
17
00:00:38,269 --> 00:00:40,143
- We're out of ricotta cheese.
- Mmm.
18
00:00:45,156 --> 00:00:47,293
I haven't worked out
in two days.
19
00:00:47,336 --> 00:00:48,774
I'm fat.
20
00:00:48,818 --> 00:00:50,692
Je suis fatty gay.
21
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:54,834
I got busted at the gym.
22
00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:57,188
For what? Feeling something
other than "the burn?"
23
00:00:58,844 --> 00:01:00,370
Block.
24
00:01:02,942 --> 00:01:04,250
Thanks, Grace.
25
00:01:07,258 --> 00:01:08,565
No, they finally got
hip to the fact
26
00:01:08,609 --> 00:01:09,873
that I have an illegal
membership card.
27
00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:11,617
It's about time.
28
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:14,406
You've been "Juan Mendez"
for like three years now.
29
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,894
Poor Juan.
30
00:01:17,937 --> 00:01:20,335
Sitting around wondering
what happened to his wallet.
31
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:23,081
His thighs dimpling.
32
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,912
This isn't funny!
33
00:01:24,955 --> 00:01:26,263
I have to work out.
34
00:01:26,307 --> 00:01:27,963
I come from a very fat family.
35
00:01:29,271 --> 00:01:31,102
We store more fat than otters.
36
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,197
Why don't you join our gym?
37
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:36,769
Oh, no, no, he,
he couldn't afford our gym.
38
00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,210
Oh. no-no-no. It's easy, uh,
Will has an extra buddy pass.
39
00:01:39,254 --> 00:01:40,300
It's good for a month.
40
00:01:40,344 --> 00:01:41,608
That is actually
not my buddy pass.
41
00:01:41,651 --> 00:01:43,308
That's my things-to-do list.
42
00:01:43,352 --> 00:01:45,008
Oh. Look at number one here.
Pinch Grace.
43
00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:47,580
Ow.
44
00:01:49,455 --> 00:01:53,508
Put the kettle on, Mary.
We're goin' to the gym! Ow!
45
00:01:53,552 --> 00:01:55,426
Let's work out
during the day, buddy.
46
00:01:56,996 --> 00:01:58,914
Unemployed guys
are so much hotter.
47
00:01:58,957 --> 00:02:00,919
Will: Eh. Jack?
48
00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:03,011
It's not really that kind
of a gym.
49
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,060
You know, I've got a lot
of clients that work out there.
50
00:02:05,104 --> 00:02:06,455
You know, I've been known
to do business there.
51
00:02:06,499 --> 00:02:09,899
And you won't find
anybody dancing on a box.
52
00:02:09,943 --> 00:02:12,209
You're just afraid I'm gonna cut
into your gym action.
53
00:02:12,252 --> 00:02:14,433
[gasps] Listen to me. I'm
talking like a crazy person. Oh.
54
00:02:20,186 --> 00:02:23,107
[theme music]
55
00:02:36,054 --> 00:02:37,580
Okay. You should have warned me
56
00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:40,064
they let naked old men walk
around in here.
57
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,606
Would you keep it down?
58
00:02:47,649 --> 00:02:50,483
Ooh. Look. there's a guy over
there who can bench 300 pounds.
59
00:02:50,527 --> 00:02:53,752
And I'd like to be
a 160 of 'em.
60
00:02:53,796 --> 00:02:55,190
Hello. Press this.
61
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,501
No.
62
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:02,471
Listen... Swish burger.
This is not like your old gym.
63
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:05,783
Look around.
Nary a nipple ring in sight.
64
00:03:05,827 --> 00:03:08,224
No men in Flash dance collars.
65
00:03:08,268 --> 00:03:10,012
And behold. Women!
66
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,063
There were women at my old gym.
67
00:03:13,107 --> 00:03:14,502
Not on their birth certificate.
68
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:19,777
Fine. Fine. Let's just do some
crunches then.
69
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:20,954
Fine.
70
00:03:30,806 --> 00:03:32,854
What's that?
71
00:03:32,898 --> 00:03:35,295
What? I'm wiping off my mat.
72
00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:38,041
Well... Do you have to do
the little flourish?
73
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,655
It's like we're doing
the Mikado here.
74
00:03:39,698 --> 00:03:43,840
Just-- gimme--
Wipe the mat.
75
00:03:43,883 --> 00:03:45,583
Wow.
76
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,283
Somebody's sports bra's
a little snug.
77
00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:51,686
I'm just saying is it so hard--
78
00:03:51,729 --> 00:03:53,168
Will?
79
00:03:53,212 --> 00:03:55,347
Richard, that's weird.
80
00:03:55,391 --> 00:03:56,350
I was just thinking about you.
81
00:03:56,394 --> 00:03:57,615
What were you thinking?
82
00:03:57,658 --> 00:03:58,617
I'm thinking we should get
together and--
83
00:03:58,660 --> 00:03:59,620
Hello, there. I'm...
84
00:03:59,663 --> 00:04:02,148
Here's the thing.
85
00:04:02,191 --> 00:04:04,066
There's just a few sticking
points on the Fellner merger.
86
00:04:04,109 --> 00:04:06,768
I'm not at all happy
with the contracts.
87
00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:08,338
Well, fine. We'll get together
sometime next week.
88
00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:09,646
- Good.
- Thanks, counselor.
89
00:04:11,869 --> 00:04:14,702
A little rusty.
But I'm impressed.
90
00:04:14,746 --> 00:04:16,576
You've still
got the moves, Truman.
91
00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:18,887
What are you talking
about, crazy?
92
00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:21,546
You know, swoopin' in
with the old "jock block."
93
00:04:23,246 --> 00:04:24,947
The what?
94
00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:27,300
The jock block, Will, or as they
say, south of the border.
95
00:04:27,343 --> 00:04:29,916
"El jocko blocko."
96
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,267
You're gonna have
to help me here.
97
00:04:31,311 --> 00:04:32,880
I don't speak pidgin homo.
98
00:04:35,539 --> 00:04:37,981
The jock block, Will. Hello.
99
00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:41,076
You saw me goin' for that guy
and you cut me off at the pass.
100
00:04:41,119 --> 00:04:42,994
Oh, busted.
101
00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:44,737
That's exactly
what I was doing, Jack.
102
00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:46,350
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
103
00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:48,965
Shielding a desirable carcass
from a much hotter vulture.
104
00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,147
This is what happens
when you watch
105
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:54,719
"Wild Kingdom" and gay porn
with picture-in-picture.
106
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:03,917
No. I will not lower my voice.
You're my husband!
107
00:05:03,961 --> 00:05:05,967
Who the hell else
am I gonna yell at?
108
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,151
Yeah. I know what I saw, Stan.
109
00:05:10,194 --> 00:05:13,028
You were looking at her. Oh,
or maybe you were looking at,
110
00:05:13,072 --> 00:05:14,162
I don't know, a lamp.
111
00:05:14,205 --> 00:05:16,733
Then her ass
just got in the way!
112
00:05:18,390 --> 00:05:19,479
Um, Karen, maybe I-- I should--
113
00:05:19,523 --> 00:05:21,703
- Sit!
- I'm sitting.
114
00:05:21,746 --> 00:05:25,845
What? No. No-no-no. No more
from you, Stan. You're done.
115
00:05:25,888 --> 00:05:29,331
I said that'll do,
you unibrowed freak!
116
00:05:31,729 --> 00:05:34,083
God, I am so sick of Stan.
117
00:05:35,521 --> 00:05:38,006
Karen, maybe you should talk
to your shrink about this.
118
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:42,322
My shrink? Honey, I only
go to him for refills.
119
00:05:45,853 --> 00:05:49,558
Maybe-- maybe you just need
a night away from Stan.
120
00:05:49,602 --> 00:05:52,915
Well, the nights
are definitely worse.
121
00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:56,010
His new thing
is garlic pills. Oh!
122
00:05:57,971 --> 00:05:59,802
No, Karen, what...
123
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:02,374
What I meant was call one
of your girlfriends, you know.
124
00:06:02,417 --> 00:06:04,771
Go out and have fun.
125
00:06:04,815 --> 00:06:06,166
You're right.
126
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:09,697
Maybe I should call someone
and do something.
127
00:06:30,752 --> 00:06:35,416
Did... you want to...
do something with--
128
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,160
Oh, no-no-no, honey. No.
129
00:06:37,204 --> 00:06:38,860
Oh, right. Of course.
130
00:06:38,904 --> 00:06:40,342
No.
131
00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:43,917
Oh...
132
00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:50,717
But... if I did...
133
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:55,513
what would that be?
134
00:06:57,954 --> 00:06:59,175
Um...
135
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:03,489
You could come over
this weekend.
136
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:06,890
We could hang out,
watch movies...
137
00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:08,111
talk.
138
00:07:11,423 --> 00:07:12,731
Talk?
139
00:07:14,388 --> 00:07:19,314
And how... would that go?
140
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,501
Well. Nell...
141
00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:29,035
You might say something
142
00:07:29,078 --> 00:07:32,217
and I might respond.
143
00:07:33,655 --> 00:07:36,663
And if it were
interesting enough
144
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:39,235
you might be moved to...
145
00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:43,158
Say...
146
00:07:45,251 --> 00:07:46,559
something...
147
00:07:48,825 --> 00:07:49,915
back?
148
00:07:51,528 --> 00:07:54,100
Yes! Yes!
149
00:07:54,143 --> 00:07:57,195
You've done this before.
150
00:07:57,239 --> 00:08:00,551
Well, once at Betty Ford.
But it just got boring.
151
00:08:09,182 --> 00:08:10,883
Okay, her.
152
00:08:10,926 --> 00:08:12,888
Could I ever have
a body like hers?
153
00:08:12,931 --> 00:08:15,111
She appears to be
of Nordic descent.
154
00:08:15,155 --> 00:08:18,424
They tend towards
the lithe and bosomy.
155
00:08:18,468 --> 00:08:19,819
So as to help their buoyancy
156
00:08:19,862 --> 00:08:21,693
whilst navigating
down the fjords.
157
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:26,315
So, no?
158
00:08:26,358 --> 00:08:27,666
Grace.
159
00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:29,191
You don't want
that kind of a body.
160
00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:31,545
You're a heartier
peasant stock.
161
00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:33,245
Yours is a body built for...
162
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,386
What. Line backing?
163
00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:38,825
No. No, you know.
164
00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,743
Picking and carrying baskets
of onions to market...
165
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:42,835
on your head.
166
00:08:44,362 --> 00:08:46,323
- What are you doing to me?
- Oh, relax.
167
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,938
If this were 1805, you'd be
the hottest babe in the shtetl.
168
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:53,559
Okay. This is how that should
have gone.
169
00:08:53,602 --> 00:08:56,305
I ask you if I could ever
have that body
170
00:08:56,349 --> 00:08:57,657
and you say, "Honey,
171
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,531
why would you wanna go
down a notch?"
172
00:09:02,539 --> 00:09:05,460
Maybe I'm just working through
some of my anger towards you.
173
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:06,549
What did I do?
174
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,554
You inflicted
Jack on my gym life.
175
00:09:08,599 --> 00:09:10,517
You're mad at that?
176
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,699
You know my, my new client,
Richard Keller?
177
00:09:13,742 --> 00:09:16,445
He's in here the other day and,
of course, Jack has to meet him.
178
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:18,973
And then he accuses me of trying
to prevent him
179
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,063
from picking the man up.
180
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:21,196
You jock blocked him?
181
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,111
No. I didn't...
182
00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:25,730
How do you know
the jock block?
183
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:26,994
[with Norwegian accent]
Oh, jeez.
184
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,520
I overheard it at the salon.
185
00:09:28,564 --> 00:09:30,263
"Those gay fellas
are a real hoot."
186
00:09:32,312 --> 00:09:33,664
What do you mean
how do I know? I know.
187
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:36,846
I didn't block anyone's jock.
188
00:09:36,889 --> 00:09:39,941
Richard is straight
and he is a new client.
189
00:09:39,984 --> 00:09:42,687
And Jack was just being Jack.
190
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:44,256
You're overreacting.
191
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,521
Who cares if Jack's at the gym?
192
00:09:45,564 --> 00:09:47,918
Well, sometimes he's just...
193
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,228
I don't know sometimes he is
just such a...
194
00:09:50,272 --> 00:09:51,754
fag.
195
00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:56,593
Wow.
196
00:10:17,473 --> 00:10:19,086
Hey, Willie boy,
how you doin', man?
197
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,524
How's it hangin'?
198
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:27,631
Hangin' well, thanks for asking.
199
00:10:27,674 --> 00:10:28,851
Yeah, d'you catch
the Knicks game last night?
200
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,202
It rocked, huh?
201
00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:36,043
Can't be National Butch Day
'cause the banks are still open.
202
00:10:38,092 --> 00:10:40,795
Hey, Betty, nice rack.
203
00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:42,800
- You're an idiot.
- Thanks.
204
00:10:44,762 --> 00:10:46,156
Probably a lez, huh?
205
00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:53,132
You just spat on your shoe.
206
00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:55,747
What are you doing?
207
00:10:55,791 --> 00:10:57,316
Well, you know
the old saying, Will.
208
00:10:57,359 --> 00:11:00,760
A rolling fag gathers no moss.
209
00:11:00,804 --> 00:11:03,288
What? Yeah, you can
lead a fag to water
210
00:11:03,332 --> 00:11:06,340
but you can't make him drink.
211
00:11:06,383 --> 00:11:08,868
A penny saved is a fag earned.
212
00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:11,527
Jack, you--
213
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,053
I heard what you called me
the other day.
214
00:11:15,406 --> 00:11:17,935
Oh.
215
00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:21,815
Jack, I'm sorry you heard that,
but you've got to understand.
216
00:11:21,859 --> 00:11:23,602
I work with some
of these people
217
00:11:23,646 --> 00:11:26,087
and you... I wish you'd just
tone it down a little.
218
00:11:26,131 --> 00:11:27,263
You're pathetic and gross,
and there's nothing
219
00:11:27,308 --> 00:11:28,310
wrong with my tone.
220
00:11:31,144 --> 00:11:32,538
Yeah, except that whenever you
open your mouth
221
00:11:32,582 --> 00:11:33,759
a purse falls out!
222
00:11:37,377 --> 00:11:38,598
What are you so afraid of?
223
00:11:38,641 --> 00:11:39,513
That everybody is gonna find out
you're gay?
224
00:11:39,556 --> 00:11:40,908
- Oh...
- Oh.
225
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,477
They don't all know yet,
do they?
226
00:11:42,521 --> 00:11:44,656
I don't know.
Some do, some don't.
227
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,096
I don't exactly put it
on my business card.
228
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,929
"Will Truman. Gay.
Member since 1982."
229
00:11:48,972 --> 00:11:50,759
'82? Try '78.
230
00:11:50,803 --> 00:11:52,677
Mister-One-Time-At-Sleep-Away-
Camp-Doesn't-Count.
231
00:11:52,721 --> 00:11:56,035
Whatever. Look, the point is,
I tell people when I'm ready.
232
00:11:56,078 --> 00:11:57,168
On my timetable.
233
00:11:57,212 --> 00:11:58,170
Oh, I know what this is,
234
00:11:58,214 --> 00:12:00,350
the 15 faces of Will.
235
00:12:00,394 --> 00:12:02,050
Well, listen,
Will, I am what I am.
236
00:12:02,093 --> 00:12:04,186
And that makes you what,
the gay Popeye?
237
00:12:09,984 --> 00:12:11,858
I'd rather be a fag
than afraid.
238
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:25,241
Hi.
239
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:27,900
Jack heard what I said
at the gym.
240
00:12:27,944 --> 00:12:30,211
Oh. Ouch.
241
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,090
What are you doing?
242
00:12:34,134 --> 00:12:35,747
Oh, nothing.
243
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:37,446
I have a friend coming over.
244
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,898
I have girlfriends...
besides you.
245
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:49,086
- Am I a bad gay man?
- Yes.
246
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,660
How can you answer that
so easily?
247
00:12:52,704 --> 00:12:54,578
Because yesterday, when I saw
that you didn't leave me
248
00:12:54,622 --> 00:12:55,886
any milk for my coffee,
249
00:12:55,929 --> 00:12:59,678
I remember saying, "Bad gay man!
Bad gay man!"
250
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,514
It's just that...
251
00:13:03,558 --> 00:13:06,086
Jack said this thing about
how there are 15 Will Trumans.
252
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,092
- Oh, that's so wrong.
- Thank you.
253
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,664
There are at least 25.
254
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,276
If you include
Grumpy Morning Will
255
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,194
and Disco Will
256
00:13:14,238 --> 00:13:16,592
and Sublimate-his-rage-
with-cashmere Will--
257
00:13:16,635 --> 00:13:19,687
Okay, this is, this is absurd.
258
00:13:19,730 --> 00:13:21,954
Maybe I don't wear
my sexuality
259
00:13:21,997 --> 00:13:24,308
like a-- a sash and a tiara
the way Jack does.
260
00:13:24,352 --> 00:13:27,098
But I am willing to put my
gayness up against anybody's.
261
00:13:29,190 --> 00:13:31,196
You know what I mean.
262
00:13:31,239 --> 00:13:33,070
Wow.
263
00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:34,988
You're really embarrassed
by Jack, aren't you?
264
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:38,824
No. Sometimes.
Can you blame me?
265
00:13:38,867 --> 00:13:40,349
Hmm.
266
00:13:40,393 --> 00:13:42,006
What does that mean, "hmm?"
267
00:13:42,049 --> 00:13:44,098
Well, you know,
sometimes the things
268
00:13:44,142 --> 00:13:45,972
we don't like in others
269
00:13:46,016 --> 00:13:50,375
are the things
we really don't like in, uh...
270
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,378
ourselves.
271
00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:53,689
Thank you. Princess Of Tides.
272
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:59,966
Look, what you called Jack
was pretty harsh.
273
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:02,581
I mean, what do you say
about me behind my back?
274
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:03,932
That you should never wear
Capris pants.
275
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:05,589
[gasps]
276
00:14:08,335 --> 00:14:11,474
Okay, you keep that
behind my back.
277
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,174
Alright, all I'm saying is
278
00:14:13,218 --> 00:14:16,966
Jack has always been
your best friend.
279
00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:18,406
What's changed?
280
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:21,369
Really?
281
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,944
I'm gonna go out.
282
00:14:27,995 --> 00:14:29,434
- Ah!
- Oh.
283
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:32,180
Honey, sorry I surprised you.
284
00:14:32,224 --> 00:14:33,880
Oh, you didn't surprise me.
285
00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:43,078
Hi, come on in.
286
00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:47,176
Uh, my mother told me
never to show up empty-handed
287
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:50,663
but I didn't have time to shop,
so...
288
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:52,799
Here's a dozen shares of GE.
289
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,605
Great.
290
00:15:01,648 --> 00:15:04,176
I'll go put them in water.
291
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,223
Please, sit.
292
00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:06,531
Oh, thank you.
293
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:09,974
- Okay, you ready?
- Mm-hm.
294
00:15:10,018 --> 00:15:11,194
I'm gonna make some popcorn.
295
00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:12,677
I have Ben and Jerry's
softening.
296
00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:15,423
And I rented the last copy
of "Hope Floats."
297
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:17,428
- I'll get the booze.
- There you go.
298
00:15:20,611 --> 00:15:23,051
Okay. Ready? Go.
299
00:15:31,552 --> 00:15:33,470
Okay, so where was I?
300
00:15:33,514 --> 00:15:36,391
Mm... Oh, yeah, the guy was
drooling all over your neck.
301
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,050
Oh! Oh, right, the drool.
302
00:15:39,093 --> 00:15:43,889
So Ira is floppin' on top of me
like a horny trout.
303
00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:48,378
And then, all of a sudden,
he lets out this scream
304
00:15:48,422 --> 00:15:51,517
that sounds something like...
305
00:15:51,561 --> 00:15:55,963
"Ga-ga-ga! Ga... ga."
306
00:15:57,881 --> 00:16:01,282
And, pfft, it's over.
307
00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:03,287
And that's how
I lost my virginity.
308
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,159
Oh!
309
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,962
Oh, that is such a sweet story.
310
00:16:14,664 --> 00:16:15,667
You know, I didn't know
there were people
311
00:16:15,711 --> 00:16:17,629
who were actually named Ira.
312
00:16:20,026 --> 00:16:22,250
I don't know if there are people
named Ira either
313
00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:23,993
but that was his name.
314
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,224
So what was
your first time like?
315
00:16:29,268 --> 00:16:30,837
Oh, it was awful.
316
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,886
He kept twistin' 'em
like he was trying to open
317
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,107
up a jar of peanut butter.
318
00:16:39,948 --> 00:16:42,389
But... it did get me
319
00:16:42,432 --> 00:16:45,091
out of having to write
that term paper.
320
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:51,194
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! No!
321
00:16:51,238 --> 00:16:53,505
Oh, yes.
322
00:16:53,548 --> 00:16:57,384
Let's have a toast to Mr. Tyler
and his big A plus.
323
00:17:00,131 --> 00:17:02,093
Okay, to Mr. Tyler.
324
00:17:10,157 --> 00:17:11,900
He's a state senator now,
you know.
325
00:17:20,531 --> 00:17:22,188
Ira's a nurse.
326
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:28,683
Did you know that
you're wearing my clothes?
327
00:17:28,727 --> 00:17:30,994
Yeah, honey,
and you're wearing mine.
328
00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:33,696
Ah! I am!
329
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:35,092
When did that happen?
330
00:17:35,135 --> 00:17:37,620
Well, uh, you wanted
to try on my sweater,
331
00:17:37,663 --> 00:17:39,189
and I wanted to see what
332
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:41,761
synthetic fabrics felt like
and...
333
00:17:45,205 --> 00:17:47,951
Bippity-bobbity-boop, we're
wearin' each other's clothes.
334
00:17:49,738 --> 00:17:51,438
Hey, you know what?
This is kinda fun.
335
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:52,790
Yeah!
336
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:55,667
I love you! Ah!
337
00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:57,803
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
338
00:17:57,846 --> 00:18:00,113
- I love you too!
- Oh!
339
00:18:03,906 --> 00:18:06,086
Hey, buddy boy.
340
00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:08,221
Need a, need a spot?
341
00:18:08,265 --> 00:18:11,665
No. Actually, I'm looking
for a spot remover.
342
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:14,281
- Buh-bye.
- Jack.
343
00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:16,286
- I'm sorry.
- Talk is cheap, Will.
344
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,289
Okay. Fly. Fly.
345
00:18:17,332 --> 00:18:18,291
I mean it.
346
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,645
- Please forgive me.
- No.
347
00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:23,914
Or as they say
south of the border, "No."
348
00:18:23,958 --> 00:18:25,484
Jack, come on.
349
00:18:25,527 --> 00:18:27,271
You know, you might want
to scoot away from me, Will.
350
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:28,186
If the other kids
see us playing together,
351
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:29,450
they might think you're a sissy.
352
00:18:31,238 --> 00:18:34,856
♪ Won't you take me
to Funkytown ♪
353
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:38,822
♪ Won't you take me to
Funkytown... ♪
354
00:18:38,866 --> 00:18:40,174
Will, I'll see you tomorrow at
the meeting.
355
00:18:40,217 --> 00:18:41,307
Yeah, alright.
356
00:18:41,351 --> 00:18:42,877
Uh, wait, Richard...
357
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:44,141
wait a minute, uh,
before you go...
358
00:18:44,185 --> 00:18:46,800
♪ Won't you take me to
Funkytown... ♪
359
00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:49,372
You see the guy
singing "Funkytown" over there?
360
00:18:49,415 --> 00:18:51,987
Yeah, he's kind of hard to miss.
361
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,905
♪ Funkytown... ♪
362
00:18:53,949 --> 00:18:55,301
He's way out there.
363
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:56,565
Yes, he is.
364
00:18:56,608 --> 00:18:58,439
I want you to meet him.
365
00:18:58,483 --> 00:18:59,747
Is this about business?
366
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:01,708
No.
367
00:19:01,752 --> 00:19:03,365
Will, I'm straight.
368
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,978
Oh, I know. I'm not.
369
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:06,285
But it's not about that.
370
00:19:06,329 --> 00:19:08,509
Come on.
371
00:19:08,552 --> 00:19:10,601
Richard.
372
00:19:10,644 --> 00:19:12,084
This is Jack.
373
00:19:12,127 --> 00:19:13,783
My best friend.
374
00:19:13,826 --> 00:19:15,047
Hi.
375
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,099
Nice to meet you.
376
00:19:19,842 --> 00:19:22,414
So, if there aren't any other
singers you want me to meet...
377
00:19:22,458 --> 00:19:23,461
I'll see you tomorrow.
378
00:19:23,504 --> 00:19:24,245
Jack.
379
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,776
Well, that was almost
a nice thing
380
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,128
you did there, Will Truman.
381
00:19:29,171 --> 00:19:30,131
It's a start.
382
00:19:30,174 --> 00:19:31,612
What more do you want?
383
00:19:31,656 --> 00:19:33,356
I'd like you to realize that
this is not about me,
384
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,358
this is about you.
385
00:19:34,402 --> 00:19:35,971
I do realize that.
386
00:19:36,015 --> 00:19:36,974
And I'd like an apology.
387
00:19:37,018 --> 00:19:38,413
I'm sorry.
388
00:19:38,456 --> 00:19:39,546
And a little respect.
389
00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,028
You have that.
390
00:19:41,072 --> 00:19:42,946
And a full-time membership
to this gym.
391
00:19:44,341 --> 00:19:46,390
I respect you too much
to pay for--
392
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:47,654
Okay, forget the respect.
393
00:19:47,698 --> 00:19:49,093
- Just the full-time membership.
- Fine.
394
00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,147
Ugh, I feel sick.
395
00:19:53,191 --> 00:19:54,759
I can't believe
you made me eat so late.
396
00:19:54,803 --> 00:19:57,026
Certain foods should only be
eaten after midnight.
397
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,944
Like kielbasa and stuffed derma.
398
00:19:58,988 --> 00:20:00,252
Anything encased.
399
00:20:00,296 --> 00:20:01,865
You know, anything that,
anything that practices
400
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,086
"safe pork."
401
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:10,409
Sufferin' Sappho.
402
00:20:10,452 --> 00:20:11,761
You know, it's a shame.
403
00:20:11,804 --> 00:20:14,637
An image like this
is completely wasted on us.
404
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:20,086
I don't want to be here
when they wake up.
405
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:21,568
Let's see if we can make
last call.
27989
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