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1
00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,004
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,180 --> 00:00:05,835
- We still on for lunch?
- I can't.
3
00:00:05,879 --> 00:00:07,839
- Well, what about dinner?
- I can't.
4
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,843
Well, how about I wake you up
at 3 a.m. for some calamari?
5
00:00:09,887 --> 00:00:12,936
[sighs]
Can, but won't.
6
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,896
Grace, you've been working
seven days a week.
7
00:00:14,939 --> 00:00:17,206
I haven't seen you
in, like, forever.
8
00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:19,078
The children don't even know
what you look like anymore.
9
00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:22,651
Tell them I look like
a young Rita Hayworth.
10
00:00:22,694 --> 00:00:24,916
- Mm...
- What? I've been told.
11
00:00:27,748 --> 00:00:30,492
Will, I promise
we'll do something soon.
12
00:00:30,535 --> 00:00:32,235
And if not, the day after soon.
13
00:00:32,278 --> 00:00:33,628
Nah, soon is no good for me.
14
00:00:33,672 --> 00:00:34,456
I'm having lunch
at the whatchamacallit
15
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,893
with what's-his-name.
16
00:00:38,028 --> 00:00:40,119
Hi, Jack. Bye, Jack.
17
00:00:40,163 --> 00:00:41,644
Dad, was that you?
18
00:00:43,996 --> 00:00:45,347
Okay, my court date
is this afternoon.
19
00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:46,959
Do you have
any last-minute advice?
20
00:00:47,002 --> 00:00:48,614
Yeah. You shouldn't have slapped
a meter maid.
21
00:00:51,272 --> 00:00:53,406
Honestly, Jack, sometimes
I don't know where your head is.
22
00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:56,847
- Mom, is that you?
- Alright.
23
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,329
You remember what I told you
to tell the judge?
24
00:00:58,373 --> 00:01:02,336
Yes, it's not bad,
but I've made a few adjustments.
25
00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:04,558
It's just the writer in me.
26
00:01:04,602 --> 00:01:08,131
Jack, listen to me.
Don't recite any soliloquies.
27
00:01:08,174 --> 00:01:09,481
Don't sing any show tunes.
28
00:01:09,524 --> 00:01:11,659
Don't do
the whole Perry Gayson thing.
29
00:01:12,748 --> 00:01:13,663
Okay?
30
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,282
What time
are you heading downtown?
31
00:01:19,326 --> 00:01:20,807
Oh, uh, when I...
32
00:01:20,851 --> 00:01:22,855
♪ Forget all my troubles
forget all my cares ♪
33
00:01:22,898 --> 00:01:24,989
♪ And go downtown ♪
34
00:01:25,033 --> 00:01:26,166
Yo.
35
00:01:31,698 --> 00:01:32,743
Petula?
36
00:01:34,312 --> 00:01:36,229
It's nice to see
you're taking this so seriously.
37
00:01:36,273 --> 00:01:39,147
Actually, I am, that's why
I would like a loan for $50,
38
00:01:39,191 --> 00:01:41,282
that I don't have to pay back,
for some blond highlights.
39
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:46,553
I feel it will soften me
in the eyes of the jury.
40
00:01:49,341 --> 00:01:51,476
There's the fridge. Get a lemon
and rub it on your head.
41
00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:55,875
[elevator bell dings]
42
00:02:02,105 --> 00:02:04,980
♪ Ba-da-pa-pum
bada-bada-pa-pum ♪
43
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:08,291
♪ Ba-ba-da pa-rum-pum ♪
44
00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:09,641
♪ Bum-bum ♪
45
00:02:16,438 --> 00:02:19,356
[scatting]
46
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:23,102
♪ Bum-bum
47
00:02:23,146 --> 00:02:25,804
[scatting]
48
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,380
♪ How can you... ♪
49
00:02:35,169 --> 00:02:36,477
I'm going downtown.
[chuckles]
50
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,220
[theme music]
51
00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:49,980
[instrumental music]
52
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:58,432
And they said Tinky-Winky
was the only gay Teletubby.
53
00:03:02,702 --> 00:03:06,186
Nice advice, counselor. I got
40 hours of community service.
54
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:08,408
I have to pick up trash
for the next two weeks.
55
00:03:08,452 --> 00:03:10,586
Yeah, at least this trash
won't call you the next morning.
56
00:03:12,285 --> 00:03:13,418
This is so stupid.
57
00:03:13,462 --> 00:03:15,422
I can't believe
my hard-earned tax dollars
58
00:03:15,466 --> 00:03:16,903
are being spent
prosecuting guys like me
59
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,559
who did nothing wrong.
60
00:03:18,602 --> 00:03:21,956
Okay, Jack. A, nothing you've
ever made has been hard-earned.
61
00:03:24,178 --> 00:03:26,400
B, you never paid taxes
until this year
62
00:03:26,443 --> 00:03:29,144
and, C, you did something wrong.
63
00:03:29,188 --> 00:03:30,756
You Zsa Zsa'd a meter maid!
64
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:35,329
You know,
it-- it's against the law.
65
00:03:35,373 --> 00:03:37,029
Yeah, well,
the law sucks, darling.
66
00:03:41,298 --> 00:03:44,130
Oh, now I've gone
and worked up an appetite. Ah.
67
00:03:44,173 --> 00:03:47,832
Take me to dinner tonight,
you know, for my last meal.
68
00:03:47,876 --> 00:03:50,447
Sorry. Deadbeat walking.
69
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,627
Grace and I have plans.
70
00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:55,848
Oh, right.
The missus before the mistress.
71
00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:57,765
[telephone dialing]
72
00:03:59,159 --> 00:04:00,989
Grace Adler Designs.
73
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,819
Hi, Karen.
74
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:05,519
Grace, the reason you're not in
a relationship is on line one.
75
00:04:10,747 --> 00:04:11,705
Hey, what's up?
76
00:04:11,749 --> 00:04:12,707
Hey, are we still on for dinner?
77
00:04:12,751 --> 00:04:13,883
'Cause there's this new, uh,
78
00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,844
kosher-Chinese place
around the corner.
79
00:04:15,887 --> 00:04:18,457
I'm in the mood for a little
sweet and sour oy-my-back.
80
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:23,119
I can't. Big problems with
the Schneiderman townhouse.
81
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,689
I have to rip up all
the curtains and the carpet.
82
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:28,259
Apparently, the only rug
Mr. Schneiderman's interested in
83
00:04:28,303 --> 00:04:29,958
is the one that's on his head.
84
00:04:32,441 --> 00:04:34,924
Hey, hey, tell,
hey, tell Karen I love her.
85
00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:38,452
Yeah. I'll-- I'll wait.
Let me wait.
86
00:04:38,496 --> 00:04:40,369
No, eat without me.
I'm gonna be late, late.
87
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,591
Late, late?
Why? Why, why, why, why?
88
00:04:42,635 --> 00:04:46,294
Because, because, because,
because, because.
89
00:04:46,338 --> 00:04:47,993
Okay, Dorothy, I gotta go.
[sighs]
90
00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:50,520
- Well... What?
- Hey, hey, tell...
91
00:04:50,564 --> 00:04:51,783
Hey, tell Karen
I want to French kiss her
92
00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:53,613
when I see her.
93
00:04:53,657 --> 00:04:55,748
- I'll see you when I see you.
- Bye.
94
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,932
Poor Will. Now he's being
blown off by women.
95
00:05:00,975 --> 00:05:02,195
[chuckles]
96
00:05:07,335 --> 00:05:09,601
[humming]
97
00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:12,911
Ooh, hey,
it's the elevator chanteuse.
98
00:05:12,955 --> 00:05:15,656
[laughing]
99
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,269
I caught your act
between floors nine and two.
100
00:05:18,313 --> 00:05:21,101
Ah, all those years on the
escalator have really paid off.
101
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,455
- I'm Will, by the way.
- Oh, I'm Val.
102
00:05:24,499 --> 00:05:26,285
I just moved in to 15-F.
103
00:05:26,329 --> 00:05:28,681
15-F? Nice apartment.
104
00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:31,992
- Good divorce lawyer.
- Oh, sorry.
105
00:05:32,035 --> 00:05:34,824
- Was it messy?
- Actually, it was...
106
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:37,045
You know what? I'd really
rather not talk about it.
107
00:05:37,089 --> 00:05:40,095
It just still
sort of hurts my feelings.
108
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:42,665
Oh, Val, I'm s... I-- I wouldn't
have brought it up if I...
109
00:05:42,708 --> 00:05:43,667
It's okay, I'm just kidding!
110
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,366
[laughs]
I'm kidding!
111
00:05:45,409 --> 00:05:48,197
- You, yeah.
- I was kidding.
112
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,157
[laughs]
113
00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:53,730
But, no, actually,
he was-- he was,
114
00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:56,648
he was just a real jerk, though,
you know?
115
00:05:56,693 --> 00:05:58,871
Whenever we argued, he used to,
116
00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:01,310
he used to talk about himself
in the third person.
117
00:06:01,353 --> 00:06:03,880
He'd be like, "Um, Val, Jerry
needs his space right now."
118
00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:05,579
And I'd be like, "Um, Jerry"
119
00:06:05,622 --> 00:06:06,973
"Val's gonna take
half your money right now."
120
00:06:07,016 --> 00:06:08,367
[laughing]
121
00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:13,246
Will wonders
why Val married Jerry.
122
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:16,775
Well, as it turns out,
I was a jackass magnet,
123
00:06:16,819 --> 00:06:18,386
but I've now been demagnetized,
124
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:21,697
so all the creepy guys
just slide off of me.
125
00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:22,960
[clapping]
126
00:06:23,004 --> 00:06:25,270
Hey. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
127
00:06:25,313 --> 00:06:27,840
- You funny lady.
- And you gay fella.
128
00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:28,798
[laughs]
129
00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:36,378
Which actually kills me
'cause you're so cute.
130
00:06:36,421 --> 00:06:38,774
Yeah. What was the giveaway?
131
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,821
I guess the abundance
of boxer briefs.
132
00:06:40,865 --> 00:06:42,651
Ah. Yes.
133
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,088
The homosexual
is the leading exponent
134
00:06:44,132 --> 00:06:45,788
of the underpant hybrid.
135
00:06:47,835 --> 00:06:49,970
Hey, do you want
to have dinner later?
136
00:06:50,013 --> 00:06:52,148
You're probably busy or is that
weird that I just asked you--
137
00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:54,630
No. No, no, I just got canceled
on, actually, for tonight.
138
00:06:54,674 --> 00:06:55,808
Well, you know,
there's a, there's a
139
00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:57,201
kosher-Chinese place
around the corner.
140
00:06:57,245 --> 00:06:58,334
Really? Hey, man.
141
00:06:58,377 --> 00:06:59,684
I could
really go for some moo shu.
142
00:06:59,727 --> 00:07:00,904
It wouldn't kill you
to call your mother.
143
00:07:00,947 --> 00:07:02,211
[laughing]
144
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,173
[instrumental music]
145
00:07:08,615 --> 00:07:10,444
What is this
overstuffed bigness?
146
00:07:11,926 --> 00:07:13,799
This chair
is where foam goes to die.
147
00:07:16,456 --> 00:07:17,894
It's no good.
It's gotta go back.
148
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,638
Oh, my God.
I'm so stressed out.
149
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,426
Honey, you know,
whenever I get stressed out
150
00:07:23,470 --> 00:07:24,602
I always like to...
151
00:07:28,959 --> 00:07:30,919
You always like to what?
152
00:07:30,963 --> 00:07:32,662
Gosh, I don't think
I've ever been stressed out.
153
00:07:32,705 --> 00:07:35,275
[laughs]
154
00:07:35,319 --> 00:07:36,712
I mean, why would I be?
155
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,629
I've got practically
no responsibilities
156
00:07:38,673 --> 00:07:40,895
and my job's a breeze
and I got a killer rack.
157
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,335
Good morning!
[laughs]
158
00:07:46,994 --> 00:07:48,562
Oh!
159
00:07:50,043 --> 00:07:52,569
Oh, whoo!
[laughs]
160
00:07:58,233 --> 00:08:01,544
Aw, you know,
when you just said that,
161
00:08:01,587 --> 00:08:04,550
you got the cutest
little wrinkles right there.
162
00:08:04,593 --> 00:08:06,074
- What? Where?
- Yeah.
163
00:08:08,209 --> 00:08:09,952
Feel that? That's stress.
164
00:08:15,484 --> 00:08:16,747
- Hey.
- Hi.
165
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:18,229
Grace Adler. Val Bassett.
166
00:08:18,272 --> 00:08:19,840
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- How you doin'?
167
00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:21,278
- Nice to meet you.
- And this is Karen Walker.
168
00:08:21,322 --> 00:08:24,240
She, uh, I-- I use this term
loosely, works here.
169
00:08:24,283 --> 00:08:25,983
Oh. Nice to meet you.
170
00:08:26,026 --> 00:08:28,727
Well, any friend of Will's is...
171
00:08:30,078 --> 00:08:31,471
Grace.
172
00:08:34,042 --> 00:08:37,048
Val, you know, uh, Will has just
said the best things about you
173
00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:39,922
and it kills me that I can't
have lunch with the two of you
174
00:08:39,966 --> 00:08:41,361
'cause I have too much work
to do.
175
00:08:41,404 --> 00:08:43,756
No, you're not canceling again.
176
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,673
I thought we could all
have lunch together in Soho.
177
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:48,113
Oh, yeah, and after, we gotta go
by Prince Street to see that guy
178
00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:49,506
who can put himself
through the tennis racket.
179
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:51,990
Frank. I love Frank.
180
00:08:52,034 --> 00:08:53,471
- That guy rakes it in.
- I know.
181
00:08:53,514 --> 00:08:55,214
He's like the richest
homeless guy in Manhattan.
182
00:08:55,257 --> 00:08:57,261
I know, he-- he actually made
the "Misfortune 500."
183
00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:01,007
- I was just going there.
- I know, I beat ya.
184
00:09:01,051 --> 00:09:02,532
Get out already!
185
00:09:05,276 --> 00:09:08,108
You, I'll see sometime
before autumn, you know,
186
00:09:08,152 --> 00:09:10,983
unless, of course, there's
another design emergency!
187
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:13,118
Okay, I'm gonna need
ten CCs of chintz, stat!
188
00:09:13,162 --> 00:09:14,294
[laughs]
189
00:09:14,338 --> 00:09:15,253
Clear!
190
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,308
Isn't it amazing, Val?
191
00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:24,357
Will is a guy and yet he can
achieve multiple sarcasm.
192
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,925
[chuckles]
Yeah.
193
00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:29,628
Well, I'm really glad
that we got to meet, you know?
194
00:09:29,671 --> 00:09:30,805
- Me, too.
- Ooh.
195
00:09:30,848 --> 00:09:32,547
You got a little eyelash
right there.
196
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,420
- Mm.
- Ooh, make a wish.
197
00:09:36,859 --> 00:09:38,385
No, she's still here.
198
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:42,436
Bye. Nice to meet you. Bye.
199
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,352
Grace: Oh.
200
00:09:44,396 --> 00:09:49,580
She's sweet. What?
201
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,760
I don't like the way she's
so chummy with your husband.
202
00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,209
Please don't refer to him
as my husband.
203
00:10:00,253 --> 00:10:02,213
Alright, fine,
I don't like how chummy she is
204
00:10:02,257 --> 00:10:04,348
with your non-romantic
life partner.
205
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,316
Also bad, so please stop, okay?
206
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,104
I'm glad he has a new friend,
especially, since I'm so busy.
207
00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:18,941
Your sexless lover!
208
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,643
[instrumental music]
209
00:10:23,603 --> 00:10:26,173
Um, dirty linen shirts?
Uh, your ex-husband.
210
00:10:26,217 --> 00:10:27,219
Things you take to the cleaners.
211
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:28,395
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
212
00:10:28,438 --> 00:10:30,834
Okay. Um...
Oh, egg whites.
213
00:10:30,878 --> 00:10:32,533
- Uh...
- Thoroughbred horses.
214
00:10:32,577 --> 00:10:33,579
- Um...
- Uh.
215
00:10:33,622 --> 00:10:34,798
Eh, James Brolin.
216
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,149
- Things that are whipped.
- Yeah!
217
00:10:36,193 --> 00:10:40,156
- Yeah!
- Time! Time, time!
218
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,378
You guys are amazing. Okay,
I'm gonna total up your time.
219
00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:43,729
Add it up, honey.
220
00:10:43,773 --> 00:10:44,949
Yeah, that's generally
what I mean
221
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:46,430
when I say
I'm totaling it up, Rob.
222
00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:49,523
- Mm. Sorry, honey.
- Oh, gosh.
223
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,527
- Hey, may be a record, Will.
- Record, Will.
224
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:54,359
- Record! Whoo!
- Record! Whoo!
225
00:10:54,402 --> 00:10:57,278
- Hiya!
- Oh, hi.
226
00:10:57,321 --> 00:10:59,106
- Hey!
- Hey.
227
00:10:59,150 --> 00:11:00,893
- Hi. Hey, guys.
- What, what are you doing home?
228
00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:03,638
- I thought you had to work?
- Uh, yeah, I, I do.
229
00:11:03,681 --> 00:11:05,597
I just came home to change
before my meeting.
230
00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:09,213
- We're playing Pyramid.
- I see.
231
00:11:09,257 --> 00:11:10,651
You know,
Will and I are champions.
232
00:11:10,694 --> 00:11:12,307
Oh, I don't know, Grace.
233
00:11:12,350 --> 00:11:13,570
Looks like
you got some competition.
234
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,922
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah!
235
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,969
[laughing]
I don't think so, Rob.
236
00:11:18,013 --> 00:11:19,669
Oh, I don't know.
Val is awesome.
237
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,454
Ooh.
238
00:11:21,499 --> 00:11:24,417
Remember the time that Will and
I finished an entire round in...
239
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:25,985
- Two minutes and 14 seconds.
- Two minutes and 14 seconds.
240
00:11:26,029 --> 00:11:28,250
- Oh!
- Oh, man!
241
00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:29,993
Hey, Grace, we're the same.
242
00:11:33,783 --> 00:11:34,915
Oh, you guys, come on,
we gotta hurry
243
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:35,656
if we're gonna make
that reservation.
244
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,530
Okay, you have
245
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,534
a good meeting and remember.
246
00:11:39,577 --> 00:11:41,014
There's no diviner designer.
247
00:11:41,058 --> 00:11:43,367
[chuckles]
248
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,022
- Bye, Will.
- Bye, Val.
249
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,638
- Did I just call you Val?
- Yeah.
250
00:11:48,681 --> 00:11:50,424
[laughs]
That's funny.
251
00:11:50,468 --> 00:11:53,387
[laughing]
252
00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:56,784
Things that aren't funny.
253
00:12:01,532 --> 00:12:04,233
[instrumental music]
254
00:12:04,364 --> 00:12:05,758
So I walk in
and-- and this woman
255
00:12:05,802 --> 00:12:07,893
that he met, like,
five minutes ago
256
00:12:07,937 --> 00:12:11,334
is in our house playing with
our friends using our coasters.
257
00:12:12,641 --> 00:12:13,861
And he's dipping her.
258
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:18,784
He actually dipped her.
259
00:12:18,827 --> 00:12:22,705
Oh, it's the oldest story
in the world, honey.
260
00:12:22,748 --> 00:12:23,445
[sighs]
261
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,933
Boy meets girl,
boy meets new girl,
262
00:12:28,977 --> 00:12:31,591
boy dips girl,
boy sleeps with boys.
263
00:12:35,512 --> 00:12:38,649
Wait a minute, maybe that's
not the oldest story.
264
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,521
Maybe that's
the Sal Mineo story.
265
00:12:40,565 --> 00:12:43,484
[laughing]
266
00:12:45,226 --> 00:12:47,579
But-- but, honey, you know, if
you wanna hold on to your man,
267
00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,234
you gotta work it a little bit.
268
00:12:49,278 --> 00:12:52,632
I mean, a slinky negligee,
a nice perfume.
269
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:55,289
Speak to him in a Dutch accent
like his childhood nanny.
270
00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,081
[sighs]
I'm gonna call him for lunch.
271
00:13:00,125 --> 00:13:02,303
Oh, honey, if you're calling him
at work, don't bother.
272
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,915
- He's home sick.
- No, he's not.
273
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:07,574
Yeah, he is. Mm-hmm. I called
his office this morning.
274
00:13:07,618 --> 00:13:09,186
Stan's going hot-air ballooning
275
00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:11,321
and I wanted to review
my prenup.
276
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:16,461
I can't believe
I didn't know Will was sick.
277
00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,203
Why didn't he call me?
278
00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:20,468
I mean, who could take
better care of him than I can?
279
00:13:21,166 --> 00:13:22,516
Oh.
280
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:23,736
Val: Hello?
281
00:13:25,174 --> 00:13:25,958
Hello?
282
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,276
Taking care of him
when he's sick.
283
00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:37,110
Could she be more hateful?
284
00:13:37,153 --> 00:13:39,811
[instrumental music]
285
00:13:42,468 --> 00:13:45,213
[sighs]
Val? What a surprise!
286
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:47,434
Oh. Hi, Grace.
287
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:48,741
- Hey.
- Hey.
288
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:50,789
I came as soon as I heard.
How are you feeling?
289
00:13:50,832 --> 00:13:52,923
Oh, I'm at death's door.
290
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:54,623
Only the bouncers
won't let me in
291
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:57,629
'cause I don't look cool enough.
292
00:13:57,672 --> 00:14:00,111
Do you have any Jane's Krazy
Mixed-Up Salt?
293
00:14:03,204 --> 00:14:04,119
No.
294
00:14:06,558 --> 00:14:08,039
Val, what are you doing here?
295
00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:10,523
Oh, just helping out
our friend, sickie, here.
296
00:14:12,614 --> 00:14:16,012
Oh. Thanks. Well,
I'm home now, so you can go.
297
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:19,235
I'll help out sickie.
298
00:14:19,279 --> 00:14:21,239
Oh, no, go back to work, Grace.
We got it covered.
299
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:23,287
I just made a pot
of split-pea soup here
300
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,772
so sickie won't be sickie
anymore.
301
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,522
Well, sickie doesn't like
split pea.
302
00:14:32,566 --> 00:14:34,788
Uh, could you stop
calling me sickie?
303
00:14:34,831 --> 00:14:37,270
Or sickie's gonna get pukey.
304
00:14:37,314 --> 00:14:38,970
[instrumental music]
305
00:14:39,013 --> 00:14:41,235
Can you believe
what I've been reduced to?
306
00:14:41,278 --> 00:14:43,413
I bitch-slapped the law
and the law won.
307
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:51,821
My poor little misdemeanor.
308
00:14:54,957 --> 00:14:56,831
Honey, your skin looks great.
What are you doing different?
309
00:14:56,874 --> 00:14:58,659
- Just pore strips.
- Oh.
310
00:15:00,969 --> 00:15:03,887
I hate this. I mean, New Yorkers
are such pigs. Look at this.
311
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:07,939
Ugh, chicken bones and broken
lipsticks and candy wraps.
312
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:09,769
Looks like the inside
of Grace's purse.
313
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:14,953
You know, why don't people just
use the garbage can? I mean...
314
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:17,696
- Look at this. Oh.
- Oh.
315
00:15:17,741 --> 00:15:20,311
Who would throw away
their phone bill in the street?
316
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:22,010
I mean, would it be so hard for
317
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,449
"Soon-Yi Allen"
to walk two feet?
318
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:28,457
- Oh, my God.
- Oh.
319
00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:30,592
We have Soon-Yi Allen's
phone bill.
320
00:15:30,635 --> 00:15:33,816
Mamma mia!
And I mean that literally.
321
00:15:37,867 --> 00:15:40,524
- Karen, what should we do?
- Make a prank phone call.
322
00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:44,227
- Come on.
- No. That would be wrong.
323
00:15:44,271 --> 00:15:45,664
There's one thing I've learned
from this experience
324
00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:47,799
is that you need to respect
the rights of others.
325
00:15:49,062 --> 00:15:51,546
[laughing]
326
00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:52,635
Get the phone, get the phone,
get the phone...
327
00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:53,637
I can't believe
I got that all out
328
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:54,944
with a straight face.
329
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,904
[instrumental music]
330
00:15:58,515 --> 00:15:59,648
[sighs]
I'll get the soup for you.
331
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:00,780
- I got it.
- I'll do it.
332
00:16:00,824 --> 00:16:01,739
- I'm already doing it.
- It's my bowl.
333
00:16:01,782 --> 00:16:02,741
- My soup.
- My stove.
334
00:16:02,784 --> 00:16:06,182
- My recipe.
- My God!
335
00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:09,188
- My skin is burning.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
336
00:16:09,232 --> 00:16:11,018
God. What is the matter
with you two?
337
00:16:11,062 --> 00:16:13,588
It's not feed a cold,
scald a fever.
338
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,382
Grace, can I say something
to you? And I...
339
00:16:19,426 --> 00:16:23,173
I really, I really mean this
in the most supportive way...
340
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,307
but you seem
very threatened and insecure.
341
00:16:29,271 --> 00:16:32,146
And I mean this
in the most supportive way.
342
00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:33,540
Get out of my house,
you wing-nut.
343
00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:37,548
Okay, I'll go.
344
00:16:37,591 --> 00:16:38,854
I just want to let you know
you have a little soup
345
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:39,595
there on your blouse--
346
00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:40,771
I got it.
347
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:46,522
Look what you did!
348
00:16:46,566 --> 00:16:48,918
This was
a really expensive blouse!
349
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:51,924
Hey.
350
00:16:56,324 --> 00:16:58,719
Sorry, you had a little bit
of that delicious split pea
351
00:16:58,763 --> 00:17:00,549
on your collar.
352
00:17:05,342 --> 00:17:07,171
I'm so sorry,
I thought that was soup,
353
00:17:07,214 --> 00:17:09,262
but I guess
it was part of the pattern.
354
00:17:11,702 --> 00:17:13,444
You know what? This is crazy.
355
00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,406
We-- we are grown,
mature women here.
356
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:19,673
Yeah. Crazy, right?
357
00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:21,503
Okay, I'm gonna get my coat.
358
00:17:21,547 --> 00:17:23,464
[screaming]
359
00:17:24,553 --> 00:17:27,472
[indistinct yelling]
360
00:17:29,998 --> 00:17:33,396
Once again, girl-on-girl action
and it's totally lost on me.
361
00:17:36,315 --> 00:17:39,930
Hey! Hey, Gabrielle, Xena,
break it up.
362
00:17:45,158 --> 00:17:46,422
What is going on?
363
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:47,815
- She started it.
- You did.
364
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,122
- Nuh-uh!
- Okay, okay.
365
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:51,867
Nuh-uh was just uttered
by an adult.
366
00:17:55,178 --> 00:17:58,184
You're both taking a time-out.
Go to your corners. Go on.
367
00:17:58,227 --> 00:17:59,229
- Bitch.
- Psycho!
368
00:17:59,273 --> 00:18:01,014
Hey! Hey!
369
00:18:03,629 --> 00:18:05,807
- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing.
370
00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:07,244
Well, fine, then I'll just
go back to my room
371
00:18:07,288 --> 00:18:08,856
and you two can work it out
in Thunderdome.
372
00:18:11,644 --> 00:18:14,171
It's just that...
373
00:18:14,215 --> 00:18:15,478
You know,
I've just been really busy
374
00:18:15,521 --> 00:18:18,266
and I turn my back
and I've been replaced
375
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:19,399
by that wacko.
376
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:23,057
It takes one to replace one.
377
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,202
Wait a min...
Wait a minute, Grace, I...
378
00:18:30,246 --> 00:18:31,291
Are you jealous?
379
00:18:31,335 --> 00:18:32,990
[laughs]
380
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:35,430
No. Are you kidding?
381
00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:36,649
Like, I would be, like...
382
00:18:36,693 --> 00:18:38,914
I would even...
Yes, I'm totally jealous.
383
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:42,357
What are you lookin' at?
384
00:18:50,023 --> 00:18:51,897
The role of Will's best friend
385
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,510
has always been
and will always be filled
386
00:18:54,554 --> 00:18:57,124
by one scrappy little
Grace Adler.
387
00:18:57,168 --> 00:18:59,520
Really? 'Cause it hasn't
felt that way lately.
388
00:18:59,564 --> 00:19:02,264
Yeah, but you haven't
been around lately.
389
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,052
Grace, you've gotta let me...
date other women.
390
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,934
I know.
391
00:19:10,977 --> 00:19:12,458
I guess it's only fair.
I date other men.
392
00:19:12,502 --> 00:19:14,070
Yeah.
393
00:19:14,114 --> 00:19:16,553
- I even sleep with some.
- Oh. Lucky.
394
00:19:20,344 --> 00:19:22,172
You two have something
you want to say to each other?
395
00:19:24,438 --> 00:19:25,702
Sorry.
396
00:19:25,745 --> 00:19:27,139
I'm sorry.
397
00:19:28,141 --> 00:19:30,798
And I'm-- I'm-- I'm...
398
00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:33,979
I'm really sorry that I get
a little crazy sometimes,
399
00:19:34,022 --> 00:19:36,897
you know? Can I sit down?
400
00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:41,340
It's just that sometimes I just
get a little envious of...
401
00:19:41,385 --> 00:19:43,344
I mean, it's like...
402
00:19:43,388 --> 00:19:46,350
I mean, I've never had
a Will before, you know?
403
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,966
I just moved in here after
a very painful divorce and...
404
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:51,360
You know, I don't know anybody
405
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:54,453
and I just so wanted
to connect with someone
406
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,938
who didn't want anything
back from me, you know?
407
00:19:57,981 --> 00:20:01,511
Oh, Val. I feel so awful.
408
00:20:01,554 --> 00:20:03,732
I'm just kidding! I'm kidding!
409
00:20:06,912 --> 00:20:10,266
I'm totally kidding.
[laughing]
410
00:20:12,793 --> 00:20:14,274
Like, there aren't,
like, there aren't
411
00:20:14,318 --> 00:20:17,542
a million gay guys in New York,
you know?
412
00:20:17,585 --> 00:20:19,502
- You're a little nuts, right?
- I've been told.
413
00:20:19,546 --> 00:20:21,637
[laughing]
414
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,686
Well, I admire that in a woman.
415
00:20:24,730 --> 00:20:26,297
Oh.
416
00:20:26,341 --> 00:20:27,953
I like that little bra
that you're wearing.
417
00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:31,656
Oh. And I liked
your split-pea soup.
418
00:20:31,699 --> 00:20:34,008
I got a little taste when
you shoved my face in the rug.
419
00:20:34,051 --> 00:20:35,968
[laughs]
420
00:20:38,059 --> 00:20:39,628
Hey, do you have a-- a shirt
that I could borrow
421
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,152
to wear for the elevator ride?
422
00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:42,634
Oh, yeah. You know what?
423
00:20:42,678 --> 00:20:44,115
I have-- I have
a great turtleneck
424
00:20:44,158 --> 00:20:46,467
that'll cover up that welt
that I gave you.
425
00:20:46,511 --> 00:20:48,384
Oh, really?
426
00:20:48,428 --> 00:20:51,434
- Do you like blue?
- Yeah.
427
00:20:51,477 --> 00:20:53,742
Straight guys have gotta be
out of their minds.
31385
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