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1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:02,615
[theme music]
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,721
Grace, we're going
to a cabin in the woods.
3
00:00:07,765 --> 00:00:10,514
I'm almost certain you're not
gonna need a sequined purse.
4
00:00:12,871 --> 00:00:14,748
Okay.
5
00:00:14,791 --> 00:00:15,577
Do you need it?
6
00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:22,559
Grace... [scoffs]
With this outfit? No...
7
00:00:25,876 --> 00:00:28,407
So tell me again.
Why are we doing this?
8
00:00:28,452 --> 00:00:31,288
I told you.
I need to see winter.
9
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,514
Come on,
we'll build a snowman,
10
00:00:33,558 --> 00:00:34,561
do funny things
with the carrot.
11
00:00:36,612 --> 00:00:40,584
Well, I do like me vegetables.
12
00:00:40,627 --> 00:00:43,770
But, I mean, a whole weekend
with Jack and Karen...
13
00:00:43,813 --> 00:00:46,563
Oh, come on.
That's the incentive.
14
00:00:46,607 --> 00:00:49,661
Just think about it.
Karen, doing anything in nature?
15
00:00:50,839 --> 00:00:52,280
And Jack chopping wood?
16
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:59,044
♪ To the cabin we will go
and ski upon the snow ♪
17
00:00:59,088 --> 00:01:02,099
♪ We'll see a lot of bears
forgettin' all our cares ♪
18
00:01:02,142 --> 00:01:02,929
♪ Yeah ♪
19
00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:09,038
Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Puff Mommy.
20
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:13,054
Okay, okay, listen.
21
00:01:13,097 --> 00:01:15,497
As far as Will knows,
this is just a fun
22
00:01:15,541 --> 00:01:16,632
impulsive getaway
for the weekend,
23
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,640
so please, no mention of Michael
24
00:01:18,683 --> 00:01:20,778
or the fact that tomorrow would
have been their anniversary.
25
00:01:20,822 --> 00:01:22,436
This is to take his mind
off that.
26
00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:23,572
Oh, look, mittens in a muff.
27
00:01:27,412 --> 00:01:28,721
Is this on?
28
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,994
Ooh, can I have this?
29
00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:33,609
It'll bring out
the chestnut in my eyes.
30
00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:35,092
[sighs]
31
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,751
No. No, that's Will's,
32
00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,671
and that's the last thing
he'd want to see.
33
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:39,981
Michael gave that to him
for his birthday.
34
00:01:41,508 --> 00:01:44,607
Hi, I'm Scarfy.
35
00:01:44,651 --> 00:01:46,920
I'm the gift you give your
boyfriend before you dump him.
36
00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:49,102
I cost $12.
37
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,681
Hey! Sensitivo!
38
00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:55,474
What did I just say to you?
39
00:01:55,518 --> 00:01:57,088
I heard you.
40
00:01:57,132 --> 00:02:00,449
You know, no one took me on
vacation when I broke up with...
41
00:02:00,492 --> 00:02:03,722
what's his face, uh... bleached
hair, tattoo, goatee.
42
00:02:03,765 --> 00:02:05,205
Who am I talking about?
43
00:02:05,249 --> 00:02:06,995
God, I don't know, honey.
44
00:02:07,038 --> 00:02:09,265
You just described
a needle in a gay stack.
45
00:02:11,053 --> 00:02:13,978
[theme music]
46
00:02:20,393 --> 00:02:22,532
[instrumental music]
47
00:02:23,928 --> 00:02:26,154
Alright, everybody,
come on in.
48
00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:27,463
Girls are downstairs,
boys are up.
49
00:02:29,427 --> 00:02:32,613
Hey, people!
Careful with my luggage.
50
00:02:32,657 --> 00:02:35,231
Grace? Honey,
six inches from the walls.
51
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:36,366
I can tell you're a basher.
52
00:02:36,409 --> 00:02:38,636
[thudding]
53
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:42,214
Alright, here you go.
For your troubles.
54
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,877
Karen, you're tipping us?
55
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,666
We're not gonna take your money.
56
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:48,499
Will mum be needing
towels this evening?
57
00:02:50,506 --> 00:02:52,427
- Isn't this fantastic.
- Yeah!
58
00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:57,227
Oh, God, look at it.
There's like no one around.
59
00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:59,322
My God, what if
we got trapped up here?
60
00:02:59,366 --> 00:03:00,457
Who'd we eat first?
61
00:03:01,984 --> 00:03:04,515
Well, Karen's out,
'cause there's nothing natural
62
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,606
or digestible on her body.
63
00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:08,312
And I mean that as a compliment.
64
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,756
And I took it that way, honey.
65
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,855
Well, I'm out,
'cause I'm too petite.
66
00:03:13,899 --> 00:03:16,866
A good soup
is all you're gonna get from me.
67
00:03:16,910 --> 00:03:20,009
It'd have to be someone with
enough mean-slash-fat on him.
68
00:03:20,052 --> 00:03:21,056
Oh, Will.
69
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:23,805
Try not to move around too much.
70
00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:24,590
It'll keep you tender.
71
00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:29,653
Wait a minute.
How come no one wants to eat me?
72
00:03:31,574 --> 00:03:32,577
Both: Too chewy.
73
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:36,331
Karen, did you see this?
74
00:03:36,374 --> 00:03:37,945
It's a note
from the caretaker. Cook's dead.
75
00:03:39,604 --> 00:03:41,611
- Who's Cook?
- Our cook.
76
00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:42,789
Your cook's name is Cook?
77
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,110
No, Grace, he has a name.
78
00:03:47,153 --> 00:03:49,467
I just don't remember it.
79
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:52,565
No, wait a minute, it'll come
to me, it'll come to me.
80
00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:56,406
"Where are my
damn eggs... Paul?" Paul.
81
00:03:59,985 --> 00:04:04,654
God, Paul is dead.
82
00:04:04,698 --> 00:04:06,880
Now who the hell
is gonna cook for us?
83
00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:14,081
I guess this concludes
the mourning period.
84
00:04:14,125 --> 00:04:18,402
Wait. Maybe the passing of Cook
was a blessing in disguise.
85
00:04:18,445 --> 00:04:19,842
I'm gonna cook.
86
00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:23,115
Men, go hunt wild game.
87
00:04:23,159 --> 00:04:25,035
There's a White Hen Pantry
two miles down the hill.
88
00:04:25,079 --> 00:04:25,864
Woo...
89
00:04:27,828 --> 00:04:29,618
Karen, the gays don't catch.
90
00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:38,913
Allow me to go hunt
and gather for the womenfolk.
91
00:04:38,956 --> 00:04:42,579
Jack, don't you think it would
be nice if you went with Will
92
00:04:42,622 --> 00:04:43,713
so that he didn't
have to be alone?
93
00:04:45,503 --> 00:04:46,289
Okay.
94
00:04:50,173 --> 00:04:52,747
Very well, I'll hunt
and gather with our womenfolk.
95
00:04:56,545 --> 00:04:58,901
Thanks again, Karen,
for letting us use your cabin.
96
00:04:58,944 --> 00:05:01,258
This is gonna be
so great for Will.
97
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,742
Ah, no problem, honey.
98
00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:04,269
Stan had to take his kids
99
00:05:04,313 --> 00:05:06,757
to Scarsdale to see
their real mother.
100
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,804
What was her name?
101
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,296
Wait a minute.
It'll come to me.
102
00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:15,921
"Stan, take the kids to see that
bitch, Cathy!" Cathy.
103
00:05:21,246 --> 00:05:22,730
Hey, Mrs. Walker.
104
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:25,218
Campbell, is that you?
105
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:27,094
Karen: Little Campbell?
106
00:05:27,137 --> 00:05:30,018
My, my, look how you've grown.
107
00:05:33,248 --> 00:05:34,644
We saw each other
three months ago.
108
00:05:34,688 --> 00:05:36,651
Oh, well.
109
00:05:36,696 --> 00:05:38,746
I guess everything just looks
bigger in the woods.
110
00:05:41,802 --> 00:05:44,726
- Campbell?
- Oh, my God, Grace Adler?
111
00:05:44,769 --> 00:05:46,864
[chuckles]
Oh, my God.
112
00:05:46,908 --> 00:05:48,305
You two know each other?
113
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,745
High school!
114
00:05:49,788 --> 00:05:51,359
We went to see
"Loverboy" together.
115
00:05:51,403 --> 00:05:54,239
Oh, my God!
That's right, we did.
116
00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:56,159
So you were both geeks
in high school.
117
00:05:58,385 --> 00:06:00,393
Campbell,
what are you doing here?
118
00:06:00,437 --> 00:06:02,445
Little of everything.
Take care of cabins.
119
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:03,666
In the winter, I ski.
120
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:05,150
The summer, I bike.
121
00:06:05,193 --> 00:06:08,380
Yeah. The outdoors
agrees with you.
122
00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:10,780
Works for you.
123
00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:13,355
Does a lot for you.
124
00:06:13,399 --> 00:06:16,279
And stale air and concrete
does a lot for you.
125
00:06:17,414 --> 00:06:18,810
You look good.
126
00:06:18,854 --> 00:06:20,294
You look really good.
127
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,476
I can't believe you're here.
128
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,440
Honey, Campbell
brought the wood in.
129
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,502
Looks like
he'll be leaving with it, too.
130
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,881
I should go finish my rounds.
131
00:06:37,925 --> 00:06:39,321
But do you want to get together
later, grab a beer?
132
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:41,067
Oh, yeah, I'd love to.
133
00:06:41,111 --> 00:06:43,555
Oh, um, I-- I can't.
134
00:06:43,599 --> 00:06:47,351
I came up with friends,
and we have uh... stuff.
135
00:06:47,396 --> 00:06:49,054
Okay, well,
if you change your mind,
136
00:06:49,097 --> 00:06:50,843
I'm working 'til midnight
at Ed's Beachcomber.
137
00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:52,021
It's a local pub.
138
00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:54,858
Okay.
139
00:06:54,902 --> 00:06:57,040
It's really good seeing you.
140
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,480
[chuckles]
141
00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,495
- Alright, uh, take care.
- Okay.
142
00:07:02,539 --> 00:07:03,543
Midnight.
143
00:07:06,554 --> 00:07:07,339
[door closes]
144
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:15,544
Why can't I order that
from the L.L. Bean catalogue?
145
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:17,028
Woman, are you insane?
146
00:07:17,072 --> 00:07:18,032
Go fetch it!
147
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:19,210
Oh...
148
00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,920
No, this weekend is about Will.
149
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,142
We're all here for him.
150
00:07:24,186 --> 00:07:26,368
Oh, I cannot believe you.
151
00:07:26,411 --> 00:07:28,419
We are trapped alone
in a wilderness
152
00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:30,426
with Wayland and Madam!
153
00:07:32,958 --> 00:07:36,231
And you just let Babe
the Blue Ox walk out that door?
154
00:07:39,155 --> 00:07:40,682
Now, you think about that.
155
00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:44,130
[instrumental music]
156
00:07:48,276 --> 00:07:49,760
Jack, that's not a word.
157
00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:51,593
Uh, yeah, it is.
158
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,037
Use it in a sentence.
159
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,791
Every morning, I... spramp
my face with cold water.
160
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,285
Spramp your face?
What the hell is that?
161
00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:05,035
Yes, spramp.
Spramp!
162
00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:07,828
The bubbles from a Jacuzzi
spramp up.
163
00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:13,807
Note how the sea
spramps off the jagged rocks.
164
00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:15,465
Just because you do this,
doesn't make it a word.
165
00:08:17,254 --> 00:08:18,477
I don't know, Will.
166
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,222
Before I get into bed,
I like to spramp on
167
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,706
a little Gardenia for Stan.
168
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,102
No, you don't!
169
00:08:23,147 --> 00:08:25,372
You do not spramp,
because no one has ever spramped
170
00:08:25,416 --> 00:08:27,336
anything in the history
of language.
171
00:08:27,379 --> 00:08:29,518
Geez, what a karpooch.
172
00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:33,227
Tell me about it.
173
00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:36,762
Okay, Jack, let it go.
174
00:08:36,806 --> 00:08:38,639
Sorry, I forgot
this is Will's weekend.
175
00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:39,905
Ow.
176
00:08:39,949 --> 00:08:42,829
- What was that?
- Um, of fun.
177
00:08:42,872 --> 00:08:44,749
Will's weekend of fun.
Are you having fun?
178
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:45,927
- Yeah.
- Good.
179
00:08:45,971 --> 00:08:49,070
- Woo!
- Excellent, perfect, great.
180
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:50,815
"Overacted"
said the New York Times.
181
00:08:50,859 --> 00:08:52,430
"Cheap and transparent,"
said the Boston Globe.
182
00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:56,271
Look, this wouldn't have
anything to do with the fact
183
00:08:56,314 --> 00:08:58,758
that this would have been
Michael's and my anniversary?
184
00:08:58,802 --> 00:09:02,860
- No.
- Come on, get over yourself.
185
00:09:02,904 --> 00:09:05,043
- Okay, I guess so...
- I guess in a way it is.
186
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:09,014
Guys, that's really very sweet,
but it's not a big deal.
187
00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:10,541
Look, Will, we knew
that this was gonna be
188
00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:12,855
a difficult weekend for you,
and we just thought
189
00:09:12,898 --> 00:09:14,295
this would
take your mind off of it.
190
00:09:14,339 --> 00:09:15,298
[alarm dings]
191
00:09:15,342 --> 00:09:16,346
Oh, there's my roast.
192
00:09:17,393 --> 00:09:18,833
Guys, thank you.
193
00:09:18,877 --> 00:09:21,976
It's not that I don't appreciate
your little pity party,
194
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:26,253
but, really, take my word
for it, I'm okay about Michael.
195
00:09:26,297 --> 00:09:27,518
She's such a brave
little toaster.
196
00:09:29,308 --> 00:09:31,708
Okay, here it is.
197
00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,715
[chuckles]
Mmm.
198
00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:41,003
Mmm.
199
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,713
[sniffing]
200
00:09:44,757 --> 00:09:45,935
- What is it?
- It's beef tenderloin.
201
00:09:49,645 --> 00:09:50,823
I don't think it's dead yet.
202
00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:57,108
It just looks mad
and really hot.
203
00:09:57,151 --> 00:09:59,726
Karen, it looks... great.
204
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:01,429
And it-- it smells--
205
00:10:01,472 --> 00:10:02,475
[clears throat]
206
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,611
It smells.
207
00:10:06,535 --> 00:10:08,804
Um, Will, what-- what-- what
does it smell like?
208
00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:12,339
It smells like... Pizza, pizza.
209
00:10:12,383 --> 00:10:13,342
- I'll make the call.
- I'll clear the table.
210
00:10:13,387 --> 00:10:14,565
I'll bury this.
211
00:10:14,608 --> 00:10:15,743
Karen: Hey, wait a minute...
212
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:19,888
Well, I'm bored.
I'm gonna go take my disco nap.
213
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,998
You know, even though you lied
to me and deceived me...
214
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,744
and Karen's here, I'm still
having a good time.
215
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,668
- Thanks.
- Sure.
216
00:10:30,712 --> 00:10:32,633
And if there's anything else
I can do for you...
217
00:10:32,676 --> 00:10:34,553
Now that you mention it,
there is one thing.
218
00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:35,861
You can finish drying.
219
00:10:35,906 --> 00:10:37,782
I'm going upstairs.
220
00:10:37,826 --> 00:10:40,008
Are you sure? 'Cause if you
want, we can make s'mores.
221
00:10:40,051 --> 00:10:41,797
S'mores?
222
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,761
Ms. Adler, of all the counselors
here at Camp Walker,
223
00:10:43,804 --> 00:10:45,070
you're my favorite.
224
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,656
[sighs]
225
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,751
God, I thought he
was never gonna leave.
226
00:10:52,795 --> 00:10:55,501
It's 11:30.
Come on, get it in gear.
227
00:10:55,545 --> 00:10:57,640
- What are you talking about?
- Honey, it's almost midnight.
228
00:10:57,683 --> 00:11:01,349
Time for Cinderella to turn into
a frisky little minx, huh? Huh?
229
00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:02,178
[laughs]
230
00:11:02,221 --> 00:11:03,705
Ooh.
231
00:11:03,749 --> 00:11:05,713
When did you turn into a poker?
232
00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:07,327
Grace, it's 11:30.
233
00:11:07,371 --> 00:11:09,292
Campbell gets off work
in half an hour.
234
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,041
Don't you want to find out
if he's "Mmm-mmm, good?"
235
00:11:14,223 --> 00:11:16,973
- What about Will?
- Oh, what about him?
236
00:11:17,016 --> 00:11:20,376
Come on, Grace.
I mean, look, look out there.
237
00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:22,821
Those squirrels are gettin'
more action than you are.
238
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,705
I don't know.
239
00:11:26,749 --> 00:11:29,193
Me reuniting
with an old boyfriend
240
00:11:29,236 --> 00:11:31,026
when Will's trying
to forget about his?
241
00:11:31,069 --> 00:11:32,771
It just doesn't seem...
242
00:11:32,815 --> 00:11:34,342
Damn,
look at those squirrels go.
243
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,314
Alright, Grace.
You're right, you're right.
244
00:11:38,357 --> 00:11:40,670
Forget about Campbell.
Who needs him?
245
00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:42,678
Who needs his strong,
246
00:11:42,722 --> 00:11:46,125
sinewy arms
and his washboard abs?
247
00:11:46,169 --> 00:11:49,442
His fierce, dark, penetrating
eyes
248
00:11:49,486 --> 00:11:53,108
looking at you as he backs you
up against the sink,
249
00:11:53,152 --> 00:11:56,949
grabs you by the hair, turns you
roughly... not too roughly,
250
00:11:56,992 --> 00:11:59,261
but, hell, what's too roughly?
251
00:11:59,306 --> 00:12:02,142
Hey, you're fogging up
the windows.
252
00:12:02,186 --> 00:12:03,059
- Why don't you go to bed?
- Hmm.
253
00:12:07,903 --> 00:12:09,037
[sighs]
254
00:12:11,002 --> 00:12:13,926
[instrumental music]
255
00:12:20,428 --> 00:12:22,305
[instrumental music]
256
00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:27,280
Jack: Okay, this is the money
hand. Showcase showdown.
257
00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:32,779
Yup, whoever loses this hand
258
00:12:32,823 --> 00:12:34,742
is gonna be showin'
the goodie package.
259
00:12:38,147 --> 00:12:39,631
Honey, well...
260
00:12:39,674 --> 00:12:42,075
- Why are we doing this?
- Well, it's strip poker.
261
00:12:42,119 --> 00:12:43,427
We just keep playing
'til we're both naked.
262
00:12:44,301 --> 00:12:46,046
And then w...
263
00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:48,316
Well, we could...
264
00:12:53,029 --> 00:12:54,381
[gasps]
Did you hear that?
265
00:12:54,426 --> 00:12:55,997
- Yes.
- Oh, my God!
266
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,790
Honey, well... Oh, my God,
do you see that? What is that?
267
00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:02,892
It looks like a big red matted
rodent or something.
268
00:13:02,936 --> 00:13:04,463
Jack: Well, I can't quite...
269
00:13:04,506 --> 00:13:06,645
Oh, there it is!
What the hell is that?
270
00:13:06,688 --> 00:13:08,172
I don't know, but it's
moving around back!
271
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:10,486
I'll get the flashlight.
272
00:13:10,529 --> 00:13:12,537
I- I don't think I've ever seen
that color in nature before.
273
00:13:14,195 --> 00:13:16,203
[all screaming]
274
00:13:16,247 --> 00:13:19,737
- Oh, my God! Is that a yeti?
- No.
275
00:13:19,781 --> 00:13:21,832
It's a single white female
with a terra cotta rinse.
276
00:13:23,884 --> 00:13:26,328
What are you doing?
You scared the crap out of me!
277
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,506
Well, I'm sorry, we thought
278
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:29,121
you were Big Foot's cousin,
Big Hair.
279
00:13:29,164 --> 00:13:30,430
[laughs]
280
00:13:31,434 --> 00:13:33,224
So where were ya'?
281
00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:34,707
Did you go out with "Loverboy?"
282
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:41,297
Yes. And keep your mouth shut
about it, if that's possible.
283
00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:42,824
Well, color you moody.
284
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:45,356
- What's the problem?
- What's the problem?
285
00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:46,970
You want to know
what the problem is?
286
00:13:47,014 --> 00:13:49,807
There's a man out there who
wants me, and I'm not with him
287
00:13:49,850 --> 00:13:52,819
because there's a man upstairs
who needs me.
288
00:13:52,862 --> 00:13:54,695
I'm spramped if I do,
I'm spramped if I don't.
289
00:13:59,452 --> 00:14:00,717
Okay, first of all,
290
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:02,550
that's the incorrect use
of that word.
291
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,220
Second of all,
so, cut to the chase.
292
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,355
Am I gonna be an uncle or not?
293
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:10,406
No, we just kissed.
294
00:14:16,909 --> 00:14:18,436
Okay, then a little
over-the-sweater action,
295
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,488
but that's it.
296
00:14:20,531 --> 00:14:23,674
Grace, I got further
with Jack tonight.
297
00:14:27,732 --> 00:14:29,478
I haven't felt this good
in a long time,
298
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:31,878
and it's all your fault, Karen.
299
00:14:31,921 --> 00:14:34,103
Hey, I have feelings too,
you know?
300
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:38,512
[laughing]
301
00:14:38,556 --> 00:14:41,829
Damn it, I was trying
to keep a straight face.
302
00:14:41,872 --> 00:14:43,007
Shucks.
303
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,927
I'm going to bed.
304
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,458
And by the way, it looks like
"Dr. Zhivago" threw up on you.
305
00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:51,910
[whistles]
She needs help.
306
00:14:51,954 --> 00:14:53,438
Listen, we gotta
clear out of here
307
00:14:53,481 --> 00:14:54,790
tomorrow night so that
Grace can be with Campbell.
308
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:57,583
Uh, there's a gay bar
exactly 5.3 miles
309
00:14:57,627 --> 00:14:58,849
north northwest of here.
310
00:14:58,893 --> 00:15:02,602
- Oh, gaydar?
- Cop at the toll booth.
311
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,061
[instrumental music]
312
00:15:14,604 --> 00:15:15,957
Are you sure this is a gay bar?
313
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,178
♪ First I was afraid
314
00:15:17,222 --> 00:15:19,666
♪ I was petrified
315
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,718
♪ Kept thinking I could never
live without you by my side ♪♪
316
00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:22,721
Hey, let me buy you a drink.
317
00:15:23,201 --> 00:15:24,685
Thank you, Jack.
318
00:15:24,729 --> 00:15:26,562
That's nice of you to offer.
319
00:15:26,605 --> 00:15:29,573
- Twenty enough?
- Yeah, that'll get us started.
320
00:15:29,617 --> 00:15:31,056
What's your pleasure?
321
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:32,890
- Mmm, George Stephanopoulos.
- George Stephanopoulos.
322
00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:34,723
[chuckling]
323
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,691
[instrumental music]
324
00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:42,185
Mmm.
325
00:15:42,229 --> 00:15:46,157
Okay, before we go any further,
326
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,994
I just have to say that I do not
want this getting around school.
327
00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,957
I'm running for class treasurer,
328
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:52,922
and if you blab, I'm only gonna
get the football vote.
329
00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:56,631
Can I tell Billy Wilcox?
330
00:15:56,675 --> 00:15:58,683
Hmm.
I thought you were Billy Wilcox.
331
00:15:59,642 --> 00:16:00,253
Oh, well.
332
00:16:03,308 --> 00:16:04,880
Will: Grace, open up.
I don't have a key.
333
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,276
[door knocking]
334
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,676
- Oh, my God, it's Will.
- Your boyfriend?
335
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,291
No, worse. My gay roommate.
You've gotta hide.
336
00:16:12,735 --> 00:16:16,183
Here, on the porch.
337
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,012
Will: Gracie...
338
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,319
- Hi.
- Hi.
339
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:30,759
What are you doin' home?
340
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,156
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine, I just...
341
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,290
Why be in an empty bar
342
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:34,687
when I can be hangin'
out with you.
343
00:16:34,731 --> 00:16:35,952
- Oh.
- You look flushed?
344
00:16:35,997 --> 00:16:38,876
- Gracie, are you sick?
- Oh. Oh, yeah.
345
00:16:38,921 --> 00:16:40,273
Yeah, I-- I-- I think
I'm contagious.
346
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:41,277
You should stay away from me.
Good night.
347
00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:44,114
[knocking]
348
00:16:49,046 --> 00:16:51,053
[chuckles]
349
00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:53,671
Yeah, you're in a weird mood.
350
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:55,330
You didn't eat any of Karen's
cooking, did you?
351
00:16:55,373 --> 00:16:57,686
'Cause I, I thought I threw that
whole thing in the lake.
352
00:16:57,729 --> 00:16:58,690
[knock on door]
353
00:16:58,733 --> 00:16:59,868
Oh, my God, it's back,
354
00:16:59,912 --> 00:17:01,701
and this time it's personal.
355
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,411
[gasps]
Don't answer that.
356
00:17:05,455 --> 00:17:09,993
It's, it's probably just
the-- the-- the wind...
357
00:17:10,037 --> 00:17:11,914
blowing a pine cone
against the door
358
00:17:11,958 --> 00:17:13,005
three times in rapid succession.
359
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:16,235
What are you talkin' about,
crazy?
360
00:17:16,278 --> 00:17:17,369
It's probably just Jack.
361
00:17:17,413 --> 00:17:19,289
You know what?
Screw him.
362
00:17:19,333 --> 00:17:20,075
No, thank you.
363
00:17:22,387 --> 00:17:24,177
Jack, did you...
364
00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:26,839
Hi. What do you know,
it's winter out there.
365
00:17:28,497 --> 00:17:31,204
Uh, did I interrupt something?
366
00:17:31,247 --> 00:17:34,215
Yeah, and I think
I should be going.
367
00:17:37,226 --> 00:17:39,321
I'm sorry, Campbell.
368
00:17:39,364 --> 00:17:41,241
Am I moving?
I can't feel my legs.
369
00:17:44,558 --> 00:17:46,478
Uh, Grace?
370
00:17:46,522 --> 00:17:47,918
What's with the mansicle?
371
00:17:47,962 --> 00:17:48,966
[Grace sighs]
372
00:17:51,628 --> 00:17:53,025
I am so sorry.
373
00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:55,948
We ran into each other
yesterday, and it just,
374
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,044
it just happened.
I didn't plan on it.
375
00:17:58,087 --> 00:17:59,135
You ran into each other
yesterday?
376
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,575
Why wouldn't you tell me?
377
00:18:00,618 --> 00:18:02,276
I didn't-- I didn't want
to upset you.
378
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:05,113
Why would that upset me?
379
00:18:05,157 --> 00:18:06,423
You know, your anniversary,
and I know that
380
00:18:06,466 --> 00:18:07,427
you're feeling
sort of fragile, and I...
381
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:08,648
Oh, fragile.
382
00:18:08,692 --> 00:18:10,917
So now I'm s...
I'm so lonely and pathetic
383
00:18:10,961 --> 00:18:12,401
that I can't even
handle the fact
384
00:18:12,446 --> 00:18:14,628
that my-- my best friend
is seeing someone? Is that it?
385
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:17,420
No, no. I just-- I-- I--
I wanted to protect you.
386
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,341
But, look, hey,
I don't need you to protect me
387
00:18:19,385 --> 00:18:23,138
from Na-nookie
of the North out there.
388
00:18:23,181 --> 00:18:24,621
I told you I was fine.
389
00:18:24,665 --> 00:18:26,498
I know, Will, but you always
say that you're fine.
390
00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:30,731
Because I am fine! Uh, you think
I care who you sleep with?
391
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:32,128
Sleep with as many guys as you
want, I don't care.
392
00:18:32,172 --> 00:18:33,742
You can sleep with two guys
or-- or six guys
393
00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:35,270
or 11 guys
or 27 guys!
394
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,278
Okay, I get it.
You know a lot of numbers.
395
00:18:37,321 --> 00:18:39,373
Don't feel sorry for me, Grace.
396
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,206
Okay, I'm fine. In fact,
I'm more than fine,
397
00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:42,951
I'm perfectly fine!
398
00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,435
- Then why are you shrieking?
- Because I'm not fine!
399
00:18:46,574 --> 00:18:47,359
[sighs]
400
00:18:51,199 --> 00:18:54,472
I miss Michael.
401
00:18:54,517 --> 00:18:55,563
I don't want to, but I do.
402
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,710
I know and I sympathize.
403
00:18:59,753 --> 00:19:01,281
That's why
I brought you up here.
404
00:19:03,070 --> 00:19:04,074
And the thing that kills me...
405
00:19:04,117 --> 00:19:06,518
[sighs]
What?
406
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:09,616
is that... if a neurotic wingnut
like you
407
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:10,577
can get on with her love life...
408
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:18,694
Okay, losing my sympathy now.
409
00:19:18,737 --> 00:19:20,745
No, no. But, I mean,
you know, if you...
410
00:19:20,789 --> 00:19:24,280
if you can and I can't,
what does that say about me?
411
00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:27,554
Will... it doesn't say
anything
412
00:19:27,597 --> 00:19:30,608
about you.
I just got there first.
413
00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:32,485
I know, I know,
and I'm happy for you.
414
00:19:32,528 --> 00:19:35,671
I think it's great, I just...
415
00:19:35,714 --> 00:19:37,591
can't believe that a lunatic
like you got there first.
416
00:19:39,336 --> 00:19:40,690
Okay, we've been down
that road already, I thought.
417
00:19:40,733 --> 00:19:42,392
Alright, uh, it's...
No, it's great.
418
00:19:42,436 --> 00:19:47,498
I... Maybe I need
to be more of a lunatic.
419
00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:48,763
I think you've got that color.
420
00:19:48,807 --> 00:19:50,466
Yeah.
421
00:19:50,509 --> 00:19:52,473
[instrumental music]
422
00:19:53,564 --> 00:19:56,400
Will: So what happened next?
423
00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:58,626
So then we kissed
for a really long time.
424
00:19:58,670 --> 00:20:00,503
- Breath?
- Perfect.
425
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,947
He had brushed his teeth,
but not right before
426
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:04,911
so it wasn't one of those
"Colgate" kisses.
427
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,526
Blah, blah, blah,
get to the good stuff.
428
00:20:09,232 --> 00:20:12,373
I'm going to bed.
I'll tell you the rest tomorrow.
429
00:20:12,417 --> 00:20:13,901
Wow, it was that good?
430
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:15,341
No, it just doesn't happen
that often.
431
00:20:15,385 --> 00:20:16,651
I have to ration.
432
00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:20,928
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
433
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,692
♪ I wonder how it's gonna be
434
00:20:27,736 --> 00:20:31,445
♪ When you don't know me
435
00:20:31,489 --> 00:20:33,584
♪ How's it gonna be
436
00:20:33,628 --> 00:20:37,643
♪ When you saw I'm not there
437
00:20:37,686 --> 00:20:38,821
♪ How's it gonna be ♪
31542
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