Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,726
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:07,344 --> 00:00:09,567
Oh, that's okay.
I'll just wait for the next one.
3
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,657
Oh.
[clearing throat]
4
00:00:12,617 --> 00:00:13,837
Or not.
5
00:00:17,193 --> 00:00:18,936
I was going down but I don't
have to go straight down.
6
00:00:21,681 --> 00:00:22,901
We're all so goal-oriented.
7
00:00:28,349 --> 00:00:29,917
It's really all about
the journey, isn't it?
8
00:00:32,052 --> 00:00:33,316
And the company.
9
00:00:35,189 --> 00:00:37,325
I'm, uh, Peter.
10
00:00:37,369 --> 00:00:39,896
So, I see.
11
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,597
Uh, Grace. Grace Adler.
12
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:45,343
Well, just, Grace Adler.
13
00:00:45,387 --> 00:00:48,044
Be a little weird if, Grace,
was my middle name too.
14
00:00:48,088 --> 00:00:52,533
Yeah, yeah. Imagine how,
Boutros Boutros-Ghali, feels?
15
00:00:52,577 --> 00:00:54,494
I'm, uh, movin' into 12-D.
16
00:00:54,537 --> 00:00:56,412
Oh, yeah.
I've been in that one.
17
00:00:56,455 --> 00:00:58,633
It's a...
It's a two bedroom, right?
18
00:00:58,677 --> 00:01:00,682
Uh, no.
Just a one bedroom.
19
00:01:00,725 --> 00:01:02,904
- Just me.
- Just good.
20
00:01:10,181 --> 00:01:12,448
Oh, uh, actually.
I'm goin' up.
21
00:01:12,491 --> 00:01:15,018
Oh, well, that's okay.
I'm a Scorpio.
22
00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:17,022
We love to travel.
23
00:01:20,509 --> 00:01:22,775
Is everyone in this building
good-looking?
24
00:01:22,819 --> 00:01:26,566
Oh, no. We-- we make
the ugly ones take the stairs.
25
00:01:26,609 --> 00:01:28,484
You, uh, moving in?
26
00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:30,488
Yeah. yeah.
She's a little small.
27
00:01:30,531 --> 00:01:32,230
But, uh, I got some ideas.
28
00:01:34,279 --> 00:01:35,542
I'm Will.
29
00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:37,547
Uh, Peter. 12-D.
30
00:01:37,591 --> 00:01:39,944
12-D?
31
00:01:39,987 --> 00:01:43,386
That's a... studio, isn't it?
32
00:01:43,430 --> 00:01:45,042
[theme music]
33
00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:58,681
Oh, sorry I'm late.
34
00:01:58,725 --> 00:02:02,777
My driver hit a pedestrian
on 57th Street.
35
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:06,046
And we had to stop
and blah-blah, ugh.
36
00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:11,101
Oh, my God.
Is he okay?
37
00:02:11,144 --> 00:02:13,061
Mm, a little rattled.
38
00:02:13,105 --> 00:02:15,677
But, he always gets like that
when he hits someone.
39
00:02:17,855 --> 00:02:20,164
Karen...
40
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,213
you have to do
something about him.
41
00:02:22,256 --> 00:02:24,566
Eventually, you know,
he's gonna kill someone.
42
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:25,742
[chuckles]
43
00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:32,148
You understand
44
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:34,545
that would be wrong, don't you?
45
00:02:36,637 --> 00:02:37,639
Yeah. I guess.
46
00:02:39,512 --> 00:02:41,299
Fire him.
47
00:02:41,343 --> 00:02:43,608
Grace, he is old
and sweet and helpless.
48
00:02:43,652 --> 00:02:47,749
I can't just fire him because
he's a raging incompetent.
49
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,709
I mean, maybe you could,
but not me.
50
00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:52,542
Karen, if that were true,
we wouldn't be
51
00:02:52,586 --> 00:02:54,241
having this conversation.
52
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:59,339
You know. I guess I should
just cut him loose.
53
00:02:59,383 --> 00:03:01,997
[phone ringing]
I mean, as Gandhi once said
54
00:03:02,041 --> 00:03:04,307
"You're only as strong
as your weakest servant."
55
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,531
[phone ringing]
56
00:03:07,575 --> 00:03:11,149
I think he said that.
[phone ringing]
57
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,458
Or maybe it was,
"Wow. this sand is hot!"
58
00:03:13,502 --> 00:03:15,419
[laughing]
59
00:03:17,554 --> 00:03:19,036
[phone ringing]
Oh...
60
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,517
Honey, are you gonna get that?
61
00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:21,955
It's kinda distracting.
62
00:03:23,742 --> 00:03:26,183
Grace Adler Designs.
63
00:03:26,226 --> 00:03:28,535
Hold on.
64
00:03:28,579 --> 00:03:32,109
One. Two. Three.
65
00:03:33,503 --> 00:03:34,680
This is Grace.
66
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,514
Oh, Peter, hi.
67
00:03:38,558 --> 00:03:40,475
Who's Peter?
68
00:03:40,518 --> 00:03:44,092
Oh, tonight? Oh, um, uh,
let me check my book.
69
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,837
One. two. three.
Yeah, it seems like I'm free.
70
00:03:46,881 --> 00:03:48,886
Yeah, like you need a book
to tell you that.
71
00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:53,679
Great. Sounds like a plan.
I'll see you at 8:00.
72
00:03:53,723 --> 00:03:54,725
Cue the laugh.
73
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,989
[laughs]
74
00:03:58,298 --> 00:03:59,387
And the hair toss.
75
00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,739
Uh-huh.
76
00:04:05,532 --> 00:04:07,275
Okay. Bye-bye.
77
00:04:08,626 --> 00:04:10,804
So, what's up?
What's goin' on?
78
00:04:10,848 --> 00:04:12,155
Who's gettin'
some slap and tickle?
79
00:04:14,291 --> 00:04:15,293
- I am.
- Are not.
80
00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:16,382
- Am too.
- With who?
81
00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:17,733
- A guy!
- Hey-hey-hey. Game's over.
82
00:04:21,045 --> 00:04:25,054
♪ Fish gotta swim
and birds gotta fly ♪
83
00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:28,932
♪ I gotta love one man
till I die ♪
84
00:04:28,976 --> 00:04:33,289
♪ Can't help
lovin' that man of mine ♪
85
00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:34,989
♪ Hey listen sister
86
00:04:35,032 --> 00:04:38,780
♪ I love my mister man
87
00:04:38,824 --> 00:04:41,438
♪ Tell me he's lazy
tell me he's slow ♪
88
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,486
♪ Tell me I'm crazy
maybe I know ♪
89
00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:46,450
♪ Can't help
lovin' that man of mine ♪
90
00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:47,669
Take it, Jackie!
91
00:04:47,713 --> 00:04:48,977
And pas de bourree, and pas de
bourree...
92
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:50,153
And souffle.
93
00:04:50,197 --> 00:04:51,156
I'm gay!
94
00:04:56,908 --> 00:04:58,303
- So what's goin' on with you?
- What?
95
00:04:58,346 --> 00:04:59,915
We haven't sung
a show tune since
96
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:01,091
Jimmy Swaggart
got caught with a hooker.
97
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:05,187
Both: I have sinned!
98
00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:10,896
So what's cookin'
average lookin'?
99
00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:14,426
Okay.
100
00:05:14,469 --> 00:05:16,430
This guy moved into
our building.
101
00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:19,001
And, um, I like him.
102
00:05:19,044 --> 00:05:20,788
[gasps]
Oh, my God.
103
00:05:20,831 --> 00:05:22,792
She's alive. Alive!
104
00:05:24,317 --> 00:05:26,366
Tell me everything!
105
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:27,629
Okay.
106
00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:30,026
We met on the elevator and...
107
00:05:30,069 --> 00:05:31,028
No, no, no.
Wait-wait-wait.
108
00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:32,553
Are you gonna pay attention?
109
00:05:32,596 --> 00:05:34,775
Or are you just gonna drift off
and think about,
110
00:05:34,819 --> 00:05:37,695
I don't know, what your ass
looks like in 501's?
111
00:05:37,739 --> 00:05:39,482
I'm totally listening.
I'm all ears. Go.
112
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:44,319
Okay.
Half an hour ago he calls
113
00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:46,933
and invites me
to dinner, tonight.
114
00:05:46,977 --> 00:05:48,328
So I'm thinking...
115
00:05:48,371 --> 00:05:49,635
I've lost you already!
Where are you?
116
00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:51,639
- I'm listening.
- No. you weren't.
117
00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:52,816
- Where did you go?
- I'm paying attention.
118
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,297
Don't mistake me
for your mother.
119
00:05:57,827 --> 00:06:00,050
Okay. New shoes.
120
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,880
Good.
121
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:03,579
These are good.
122
00:06:03,623 --> 00:06:05,583
These'll work.
123
00:06:05,628 --> 00:06:07,327
These are painful.
124
00:06:08,503 --> 00:06:09,811
Ow. Ow.
125
00:06:11,641 --> 00:06:13,036
Numb.
126
00:06:14,952 --> 00:06:16,391
- Hey.
- Hey.
127
00:06:16,434 --> 00:06:18,526
No time to talk.
There's something I have to do.
128
00:06:18,570 --> 00:06:20,530
What was it again?
Oh, yeah, a date.
129
00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:21,968
- I have a date.
- Oh, my God!
130
00:06:22,012 --> 00:06:24,932
You have a date?
I'm so excited!
131
00:06:24,975 --> 00:06:27,459
I want to hear all about him
but not now because...
132
00:06:27,503 --> 00:06:29,115
I have a date too!
133
00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:30,422
- No.
- Yes!
134
00:06:30,466 --> 00:06:31,512
- No!
- Yes!
135
00:06:31,555 --> 00:06:32,644
- We have a date!
- Woo!
136
00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:34,823
Woo!
137
00:06:37,046 --> 00:06:39,050
Wait a minute.
138
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:42,013
Don't losers get that
excited about dates?
139
00:06:42,057 --> 00:06:43,669
Losers don't have dates.
We have a date!
140
00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:44,890
Oh!
141
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:45,935
Woo!
142
00:06:48,593 --> 00:06:49,727
- Grace: Should I wear the--
- Will: No!
143
00:06:49,770 --> 00:06:51,164
- Grace: What about the--
- Will: No!
144
00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:52,515
- Grace: Okay. I'll go with--
- Will: Good.
145
00:06:54,651 --> 00:06:55,783
Will: What about me?
Should I wear the thing--
146
00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:57,047
- Grace: No!
- What about the sweater--
147
00:06:57,091 --> 00:06:58,224
- Grace: No!
- Should I just leave on the--
148
00:06:58,267 --> 00:06:59,357
- Grace: Yup!
- Will: Okay.
149
00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:03,975
Two buttons or three?
150
00:07:04,019 --> 00:07:06,024
Well, it's the difference
between "I'll call you"
151
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,157
and "I'll wake you."
152
00:07:09,553 --> 00:07:10,904
What about me?
Two buttons or three?
153
00:07:10,948 --> 00:07:12,473
- Oh, definitely two.
- Yeah?
154
00:07:12,517 --> 00:07:14,216
It's the difference between
"I'll call you"
155
00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:15,654
and "I'll sell you
an area rug."
156
00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:19,881
Okay. I'm taking
the Merlot Jack stole
157
00:07:19,924 --> 00:07:21,101
from the restaurant
after they fired him
158
00:07:21,145 --> 00:07:22,627
for stealing the Cabernet.
159
00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:25,372
- Will: Grab me one!
- Grab my shoe.
160
00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:28,553
- How do we look?
- I'd sleep with us.
161
00:07:28,596 --> 00:07:29,860
Yeah, me too.
162
00:07:31,298 --> 00:07:33,303
- Here.
- So where are you guys goin'?
163
00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:35,743
- Actually, not too far.
- Mm.
164
00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,225
- What about you?
- Not too far either.
165
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,243
Will: Look. Look. Look. Look.
166
00:07:45,286 --> 00:07:47,813
If we're gonna do this,
let's agree on one thing, okay?
167
00:07:47,857 --> 00:07:49,600
If-- if-- if either
of us gets the feeling
168
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:53,043
that kind of I-like-you-more-
than-a-friend vibe
169
00:07:53,086 --> 00:07:55,047
the other will
bow out gracefully.
170
00:07:55,090 --> 00:07:58,184
- Like a gentleman.
- Or a lady.
171
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,405
Or a gentleman.
172
00:08:00,494 --> 00:08:01,757
Did you eat salami today?
173
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:08,119
No. Did you wash your face
with ugly soap?
174
00:08:09,645 --> 00:08:11,213
- Hi.
- Hi.
175
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,869
Hi. This is, uh, weird,
but being my
176
00:08:12,913 --> 00:08:14,308
first night in New York,
I was afraid to check.
177
00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:19,231
Whoa!
178
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:22,762
Oh, a 1985 Merlot.
Always an excellent choice.
179
00:08:24,243 --> 00:08:27,293
And a, uh, 1985 Merlot.
180
00:08:27,337 --> 00:08:29,342
Still an excellent choice.
181
00:08:29,385 --> 00:08:30,518
Come on in.
182
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:35,921
So, uh, clearly,
you two know each other.
183
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:38,187
Well, sort of.
We're, uh...
184
00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:39,887
- We live together.
- As roommates.
185
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,151
- In a two bedroom.
- In two beds.
186
00:08:41,194 --> 00:08:42,981
In separate rooms.
187
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:45,028
It's okay. I get it.
You're married.
188
00:08:48,472 --> 00:08:49,517
Just kidding.
189
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:52,611
- Good.
- Come on in. Sit down.
190
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:54,223
I'll open the wine.
191
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,923
Wow.
192
00:08:55,966 --> 00:08:58,102
I can't believe
you just moved in.
193
00:08:58,145 --> 00:08:59,452
The place already looks great.
194
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,934
Really great.
195
00:09:00,977 --> 00:09:03,461
Really, really great.
196
00:09:03,506 --> 00:09:05,292
Thanks. But, uh,
it is only the living room.
197
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:07,602
Trust me you don't
want to see the bedroom.
198
00:09:07,645 --> 00:09:08,560
- Maybe later.
- Maybe later.
199
00:09:12,308 --> 00:09:13,310
Go on, go on.
Sit down.
200
00:09:17,711 --> 00:09:20,369
I am so glad you two
could make it.
201
00:09:20,413 --> 00:09:22,678
You're officially
my closest friends in New York.
202
00:09:22,723 --> 00:09:23,812
Oh...
203
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:24,857
Except for the guy who peed
204
00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:27,210
on my car this morning.
205
00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:28,475
Ah, he's more like family.
206
00:09:30,479 --> 00:09:32,178
I know what you mean. My-- my
uncle does the same thing.
207
00:09:37,974 --> 00:09:39,674
That's a lie.
208
00:09:43,770 --> 00:09:45,382
- To new friends.
- New friends.
209
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:56,058
You know, you have
the most beautiful smile.
210
00:09:56,101 --> 00:09:58,411
Oh, it's-- it's
a little crooked.
211
00:10:00,154 --> 00:10:02,681
- Now, so was Audrey Hepburn's.
- Oh, come on now.
212
00:10:05,645 --> 00:10:07,780
I hate my smile.
213
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,043
Well, then stop smiling.
214
00:10:13,837 --> 00:10:16,800
You know, I thought we'd
start off with some veggies
215
00:10:16,844 --> 00:10:20,592
or at, uh, $4.99
a pound crudites.
216
00:10:20,635 --> 00:10:22,726
Great.
Well, you know the old saying.
217
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,251
"Crudites, gone tomorrow."
218
00:10:25,341 --> 00:10:26,561
[snorting]
219
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:34,623
Yeah, that's hot.
220
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:43,164
I-- I love
221
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,430
love, love-love
that sculpture.
222
00:10:45,473 --> 00:10:46,737
Oh, yeah.
223
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,480
I got that in Africa.
224
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:50,397
I found that traveling
through Mombasa.
225
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,664
Ah, yes. Mombasa.
226
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:59,767
Was it last week
you were in Mombasa, Will, or...
227
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,292
never?
228
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:04,734
Oh, look.
Golf clubs.
229
00:11:04,778 --> 00:11:06,172
Yeah, yeah.
You play?
230
00:11:06,216 --> 00:11:09,614
Well, a little.
I gotta work on my swing.
231
00:11:09,658 --> 00:11:12,142
I have such a hard time getting
the ball in the clown's mouth.
232
00:11:17,371 --> 00:11:19,027
Oh, your-- your address
is all wrong.
233
00:11:19,071 --> 00:11:20,116
- Here.
- Yeah?
234
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,380
Let me show you.
235
00:11:25,738 --> 00:11:28,788
You just want to pull back...
236
00:11:28,832 --> 00:11:31,663
and follow through.
237
00:11:31,707 --> 00:11:32,536
Pull back...
238
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,116
Pull back...
239
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:40,205
- Head down.
- Mm.
240
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,257
Follow through.
241
00:11:44,301 --> 00:11:46,523
- Better?
- Much better.
242
00:11:46,567 --> 00:11:48,527
Yeah, thank you.
243
00:11:48,572 --> 00:11:50,663
[bell dings]
Oh, I gotta check on dinner.
244
00:11:50,706 --> 00:11:52,668
I-- I hope you like
veal marsala.
245
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,237
I slaved for hours
over the takeout menu.
246
00:11:56,458 --> 00:12:00,337
Wow! You smell great.
247
00:12:01,731 --> 00:12:05,304
Thank you.
248
00:12:05,348 --> 00:12:07,701
What are you wearing?
249
00:12:12,451 --> 00:12:13,758
Just me.
250
00:12:15,981 --> 00:12:17,506
That's a lie.
251
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:20,512
I'll be right back.
252
00:12:24,565 --> 00:12:25,568
Well...
253
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,925
- I think it's pretty clear.
- You're right.
254
00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:31,102
- Go home.
- Go home.
255
00:12:31,146 --> 00:12:32,932
- You go home!
- You go home!
256
00:12:32,976 --> 00:12:34,588
- Peter is not gay.
- Oh, please.
257
00:12:34,631 --> 00:12:36,723
You think everybody is straight.
He's gay.
258
00:12:36,767 --> 00:12:38,423
So you can just stop flirting.
259
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,776
Oh, wrongo, Marilu.
He's straight.
260
00:12:44,044 --> 00:12:48,750
So you can stop posing
with that fake interested look
261
00:12:48,794 --> 00:12:51,582
"Ah, yes. Mombasa."
262
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:54,589
Oh-- oh-- oh, hello?
263
00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:57,640
"I hate my smile."
264
00:12:57,683 --> 00:12:59,993
Well, what about
your charming fake laugh?
265
00:13:00,037 --> 00:13:01,082
[laughs mockingly]
266
00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:03,218
Oh-- oh-- oh-- oh!
267
00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:05,745
That doesn't compare
to your fake laugh with the...
268
00:13:05,788 --> 00:13:06,965
[laughing]
269
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,671
[both mimic]
270
00:13:13,676 --> 00:13:15,114
Oh, that's a good one, Grace.
That's good.
271
00:13:19,035 --> 00:13:21,955
Oh, my God.
272
00:13:21,999 --> 00:13:25,049
Ugh. This is so stupid. I didn't
come here to compete with you.
273
00:13:25,093 --> 00:13:26,966
Well, neither did I.
274
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:28,884
Can't we just...
275
00:13:28,927 --> 00:13:31,324
sit here and behave like
normal human being people?
276
00:13:34,069 --> 00:13:35,333
- Deal.
- Deal.
277
00:13:38,514 --> 00:13:41,695
Okay.
I hope this is alright.
278
00:13:41,739 --> 00:13:44,658
One question.
Is veal supposed to have a beak?
279
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:47,186
[both laughing]
280
00:13:49,626 --> 00:13:51,152
Karen: Believe me, Driver.
281
00:13:51,195 --> 00:13:54,985
This has been harder for me
than it has for you.
282
00:13:55,029 --> 00:13:56,816
Mrs. Walker.
283
00:13:56,860 --> 00:13:59,735
Am I fired because
I'm-- I'm a bad driver?
284
00:13:59,779 --> 00:14:02,612
No. no.
You're very good at what you do.
285
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:04,529
I just think it's time
for a change.
286
00:14:04,572 --> 00:14:06,621
I mean, I know that you want...
287
00:14:06,664 --> 00:14:07,927
Honey, I'm over here now.
288
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:17,776
I remember that
you always wanted
289
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:19,389
to do other things
in your life.
290
00:14:19,432 --> 00:14:23,136
Why, I recall you having
an interest in woodworking.
291
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:26,186
- That was Cook.
- Oh, that's right, I'm sorry.
292
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:28,191
You loved the clarinet.
293
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,154
That was Maid.
294
00:14:31,197 --> 00:14:33,769
Honey, you're gonna have a lot
of free time on your hands now.
295
00:14:33,812 --> 00:14:37,080
Find a hobby.
296
00:14:37,124 --> 00:14:38,910
We've had some good times,
Mrs. Walker, haven't we?
297
00:14:38,954 --> 00:14:41,351
Oh, it has been fun.
298
00:14:41,394 --> 00:14:43,181
Why, I remember the time that...
299
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:53,029
Why, I remember the time that
Stan and I were in the car.
300
00:14:53,073 --> 00:14:55,861
and we blew a fan belt
and you had to push the car
301
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,213
all the way to New Jersey.
302
00:14:58,694 --> 00:15:02,006
Almost lost a toe
to frostbite.
303
00:15:02,049 --> 00:15:03,095
Those were the good times.
304
00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:07,104
Oh, and how about
when we used
305
00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,891
to take our little
country drives
306
00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:11,200
and play our favorite game,
"Spook The Horse?"
307
00:15:14,338 --> 00:15:17,475
Oh, they do hate the sound
of that horn, don't they?
308
00:15:19,306 --> 00:15:21,267
Well, I'm gonna
miss you, Driver.
309
00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:22,705
But I'm sure you'll land
on your feet.
310
00:15:22,748 --> 00:15:23,881
Unlike those people you hit.
311
00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:29,764
Will, come on.
He's perfect for me.
312
00:15:29,808 --> 00:15:31,594
Except for one little problem.
He's perfect for me.
313
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:33,730
I need this more than you.
314
00:15:33,773 --> 00:15:36,388
Oh, please! You've had plenty
of dips in the love pool.
315
00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:40,963
I'm still in the cabana
trying out floaties.
316
00:15:43,882 --> 00:15:45,103
Okay.
317
00:15:46,585 --> 00:15:47,848
- Give me the phone.
- Get...
318
00:15:48,676 --> 00:15:49,983
No!
319
00:15:50,027 --> 00:15:53,730
No. No. No. No. No!
320
00:15:53,775 --> 00:15:54,777
- Agh!
- Give it to me!
321
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,127
Put it in my hand!
322
00:16:00,355 --> 00:16:02,751
You can have it
when I'm done!
323
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,320
Ow!
You're hurting me with it!
324
00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:08,329
You're gonna break it!
325
00:16:08,373 --> 00:16:10,943
Will, I told you, you live with
a hetero long enough
326
00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:12,207
you're going to catch it.
327
00:16:17,784 --> 00:16:19,135
Fine.
328
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,922
You want him so bad,
you can have him.
329
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:24,103
- Even though he's gay!
- He is not gay.
330
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:26,108
What's this?
331
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,243
A question
of sexual orientation?
332
00:16:30,117 --> 00:16:31,425
The doctor is in.
333
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,608
- Oh, Jack--
- No. no.
334
00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:39,965
Jack has the most finely tuned
gaydar in the tri-state area.
335
00:16:40,008 --> 00:16:41,490
Do-do-do-do-do ding!
336
00:16:45,892 --> 00:16:47,198
He can name a gay guy
in one note.
337
00:16:48,854 --> 00:16:51,687
Ah, yes. Many, have sought my
counsel on this subject.
338
00:16:51,731 --> 00:16:54,040
They say "Jack is a wise man.
339
00:16:54,084 --> 00:16:56,044
Jack is a dangerous man.
340
00:16:56,088 --> 00:16:57,483
Jack is a great man."
341
00:16:57,526 --> 00:16:59,575
No. Jack is just a man.
342
00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:04,106
A man who knows men
who like men.
343
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,381
- Bring to me the facts.
- Okay.
344
00:17:10,424 --> 00:17:12,342
In his bathroom,
he had three magazines
345
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:15,174
and one of them was
"Martha Stewart's Living."
346
00:17:15,218 --> 00:17:18,442
He also had
"Basketball Digest."
347
00:17:18,486 --> 00:17:20,839
Ah, you both make
compelling points.
348
00:17:20,883 --> 00:17:25,066
But I believe the truth is to be
found in the third magazine.
349
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,375
- "Vanity Fair."
- Unless it's "Vanity Fair."
350
00:17:29,947 --> 00:17:32,256
You're right, Will.
He is good.
351
00:17:32,299 --> 00:17:34,391
Now, there is one question
you can ask
352
00:17:34,435 --> 00:17:35,786
that will reveal the truth.
353
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:38,444
I hesitate to share
this secret with you
354
00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:39,795
for it has awesome power.
355
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:45,678
What would that question be?
356
00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:48,685
Are... you... gay?
357
00:17:54,262 --> 00:17:55,614
Thank you. Homo Won Kenobi.
358
00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:02,106
[door knocking]
359
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:03,543
Who is it?
360
00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:05,679
Peter: Oh, hey, guys, it's me.
361
00:18:05,723 --> 00:18:07,117
Wha-wha-wha, hey-hey-hey-hey!
362
00:18:07,161 --> 00:18:08,643
How about bringin'
the desperation level
363
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:09,949
down about three clicks, huh?
364
00:18:13,741 --> 00:18:15,309
Not attractive.
Open the door.
365
00:18:19,449 --> 00:18:20,670
- Hey.
- Hi.
366
00:18:20,713 --> 00:18:21,933
Want to go to a movie?
367
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,807
- Movie. That's a good idea.
- Oh, yeah.
368
00:18:23,851 --> 00:18:25,027
- Why don't you come in?
- Oh, thanks.
369
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:26,204
We really want you to meet
friend of ours.
370
00:18:26,247 --> 00:18:28,121
Um, this is, Jack.
371
00:18:28,164 --> 00:18:30,039
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
372
00:18:30,082 --> 00:18:31,171
Hello.
373
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,708
I know.
374
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,512
So, uh, there's a couple of
movies I was into checkin' out.
375
00:18:47,555 --> 00:18:51,303
Hey, Peter, uh,
before we go
376
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,829
there's something
I wanna ask you.
377
00:18:52,872 --> 00:18:54,658
- Will, don't.
- Grace, I need to ask him.
378
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:55,705
- No, you don't.
- I think it's important.
379
00:18:55,749 --> 00:18:57,229
- Not now. No.
- I need to know.
380
00:18:57,274 --> 00:18:59,582
Grace wants to know
if you like boys or girls.
381
00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:00,716
Will!
382
00:19:04,986 --> 00:19:07,906
Eh, do I like boys or girls?
383
00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:09,039
Isn't it obvious?
384
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:11,087
- Yes. I've been trying to...
- Yes.
385
00:19:11,131 --> 00:19:11,959
- No. We're having trouble.
- I have no idea.
386
00:19:14,399 --> 00:19:15,837
I gotta tell you.
387
00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:19,018
this has never happened
to me before.
388
00:19:19,062 --> 00:19:21,066
Look, we're...
389
00:19:21,109 --> 00:19:24,770
We're just trying to figure out
which one of us you're dating.
390
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,958
Dating?
391
00:19:31,002 --> 00:19:32,919
Who said anything
about dating?
392
00:19:32,962 --> 00:19:35,708
I thought we were friends.
393
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:40,239
Well, it started out
as friends but...
394
00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:43,116
you sniffed me.
395
00:19:43,159 --> 00:19:45,294
Yeah, and-- and then
you let me hold your club.
396
00:19:49,957 --> 00:19:51,699
Oh, my...
397
00:19:51,744 --> 00:19:53,356
- Where you-- where you--
- Where you going?
398
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,842
You know, I'm-- I'm gonna take
a rain check on the movie.
399
00:19:56,886 --> 00:19:58,585
This is what I get
for movin' to New York.
400
00:20:01,984 --> 00:20:04,467
And to clarify things
401
00:20:04,511 --> 00:20:05,427
you're not my type.
402
00:20:13,139 --> 00:20:14,054
Wow.
403
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:17,845
- That was embarrassing.
- Yeah.
404
00:20:21,027 --> 00:20:22,421
How do you feel?
405
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,347
What do you mean,
how do I feel?
406
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:30,222
Sweetie, you just got dumped.
407
00:20:31,702 --> 00:20:32,879
Oh, I don't think so.
408
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:36,496
You got dumped.
He's clearly gay.
409
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,240
Oh, please!
410
00:20:38,283 --> 00:20:40,548
- What are you talking about?
- Come on. Let's eat.
411
00:20:40,592 --> 00:20:42,989
He's straight.
You think everybody's gay.
412
00:20:45,647 --> 00:20:48,305
Okay. We never go after
the same guy again.
413
00:20:48,349 --> 00:20:50,005
- Unless it's George Clooney.
- Agreed.
414
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,665
In which case we share.
415
00:20:55,234 --> 00:20:57,325
Hi.
416
00:20:57,369 --> 00:20:59,200
- Hi.
- Hi.
417
00:20:59,243 --> 00:21:00,768
Going down?
418
00:21:02,642 --> 00:21:04,037
- We'll take the stairs.
- We'll take the stairs.
28931
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof