Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,661
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:07,543
I just met the cutest guy...
3
00:00:09,244 --> 00:00:12,211
at the video store,
shamelessly flirting with me.
4
00:00:12,254 --> 00:00:14,479
Through his girlfriend,
but I picked up on it.
5
00:00:16,921 --> 00:00:18,056
- What movie did you get?
- "Star Wars."
6
00:00:18,099 --> 00:00:19,887
Oh, again?
7
00:00:19,931 --> 00:00:21,850
Jack, I'm dreaming
of Jabba the Hutt.
8
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:25,427
That's 'cause you live with him.
9
00:00:26,996 --> 00:00:29,047
Anyways, I'm collecting data
to put on the Internet.
10
00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:31,315
The world should know
the truth about C-3PO.
11
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:36,549
Jack, C-3PO is not gay,
he's British.
12
00:00:40,126 --> 00:00:43,092
[imitating C-3PO]
Oh, R-2. Come back here.
My circuits burn for you.
13
00:00:46,233 --> 00:00:48,762
You really should get another
hobby besides outing robots.
14
00:00:50,201 --> 00:00:52,121
He thinks every robot is gay.
15
00:00:52,165 --> 00:00:54,040
Uh, hello?
"Lost In Space?"
16
00:00:54,083 --> 00:00:56,657
"Danger, danger,
Will Robinson."
17
00:00:56,701 --> 00:00:58,620
Big space queen.
18
00:00:59,841 --> 00:01:01,150
[telephone rings]
19
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,197
- Oh, I'll get it.
- No.
20
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,115
We're screeners.
21
00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:07,125
You don't screen
when I call, do you?
22
00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:09,175
- No.
- Mmm, no, no.
23
00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:11,966
Grace: Hi, we're not in.
Leave a message at the tone.
24
00:01:12,011 --> 00:01:13,144
[phone beeps]
25
00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:14,759
Bobbi: Hi, Grace.
26
00:01:14,802 --> 00:01:16,111
You should change
your message.
27
00:01:16,154 --> 00:01:17,637
Have a little fun, like
28
00:01:17,681 --> 00:01:18,640
♪ We're Will and Grace
29
00:01:18,684 --> 00:01:20,036
♪ And we're not home
30
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:23,264
♪ So leave a message
on the phone ♪
31
00:01:23,307 --> 00:01:26,579
♪ Scooba-doo-biz-ah-doo-wah
oh yeah ♪♪
32
00:01:26,623 --> 00:01:28,498
[laughing]
Oh, I just made that up.
33
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:31,552
Anyhoo, I'm coming to the Grand
Apple for a few days...
34
00:01:31,595 --> 00:01:33,252
It's the Big Apple.
35
00:01:33,296 --> 00:01:36,000
Bobbi: I'll see you
when I get in, honey. Bye.
36
00:01:36,044 --> 00:01:37,091
[beeps]
37
00:01:37,134 --> 00:01:38,836
Who the hell was that nut?
38
00:01:41,278 --> 00:01:44,244
That nut was my mother.
39
00:01:44,288 --> 00:01:45,858
[imitating C-3PO]
Danger, danger, Grace Adler.
40
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,653
[theme music]
41
00:01:55,759 --> 00:01:57,678
[instrumental music]
42
00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,426
Will, let's go over it again.
43
00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,127
Gracie, I think you're ready.
44
00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:04,003
Will, my mother's
coming in without
45
00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:05,878
my father, a.k.a. the buffer.
46
00:02:05,922 --> 00:02:07,798
I need to be prepared.
47
00:02:07,842 --> 00:02:10,066
Okay, mother shield up.
48
00:02:13,075 --> 00:02:15,998
Judgment deflector activated.
49
00:02:18,223 --> 00:02:19,575
[sighs]
Fire away.
50
00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:23,020
[imitating Bobbi]
Honey, I'm just so thrilled
51
00:02:23,064 --> 00:02:25,071
about you and your
little pillow store
52
00:02:25,114 --> 00:02:27,426
but did I tell you the
"Schenectady Times" said that
53
00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:29,825
my performance
in "Rent" stole the show!
54
00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:32,223
[laughing]
55
00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:34,623
Well, I'm not surprised.
56
00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:35,932
I mean, look at you, mom.
57
00:02:35,975 --> 00:02:37,458
You were born to play
an adolescent struggling
58
00:02:37,502 --> 00:02:39,028
with homelessness
and heroin addiction.
59
00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:42,605
[chuckles]
And uh, by the way
60
00:02:42,648 --> 00:02:45,396
that little pillow store
61
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,097
is actually a thriving
enterprise that--
62
00:02:47,141 --> 00:02:49,452
Hey, hey, you're getting
a very high hostility reading.
63
00:02:49,496 --> 00:02:51,197
[imitating Geiger counter]
64
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,993
God, oh, God.
I'm goin' down.
65
00:02:55,036 --> 00:02:56,650
She-- she-- she's gonna nail me.
66
00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,307
I could... I bet you,
within the first five seconds,
67
00:02:58,351 --> 00:02:59,660
she's gonna be all over my--
68
00:02:59,703 --> 00:03:00,750
- Hair? Nails?
- No. No.
69
00:03:00,793 --> 00:03:01,928
- Clothes?
- Okay.
70
00:03:01,971 --> 00:03:04,632
This is a little too much
fun for you.
71
00:03:04,676 --> 00:03:07,031
- Love life?
- No, stop it!
72
00:03:07,074 --> 00:03:08,993
She's gonna say
that I'm ruining my life,
73
00:03:09,038 --> 00:03:10,345
that I'm never gonna meet anyone
74
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,567
because I'm living
with a gay guy.
75
00:03:11,611 --> 00:03:13,312
A gay guy?
Is he cute?
76
00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:16,322
Not at the moment.
77
00:03:16,365 --> 00:03:18,154
[knock on door]
78
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:21,381
Okay, deep breath. Chin up.
79
00:03:21,425 --> 00:03:23,300
You always part your hair
like that?
80
00:03:23,344 --> 00:03:25,045
I'm kidding, the hair is good.
The hair is good.
81
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,018
♪ You'll be swell
82
00:03:30,061 --> 00:03:31,719
♪ You'll be great
83
00:03:31,763 --> 00:03:35,251
♪ You can have the whole world
on a plate ♪♪
84
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:40,573
Will, I think
my mother's here.
85
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:43,234
Come on, darling.
Give mother a hug.
86
00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:47,421
- Hi, mom.
- Mmm, you look gorgeous.
87
00:03:47,464 --> 00:03:50,256
Change the shoes.
88
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,135
Shoes?
How could I miss that?
89
00:03:53,179 --> 00:03:54,967
Is it my imagination,
90
00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:56,930
or do you get handsomer
and handsomer?
91
00:03:56,973 --> 00:03:58,544
Mm. Well, it's true.
92
00:03:58,587 --> 00:03:59,940
I get handsomer
by the minute.
93
00:03:59,983 --> 00:04:02,644
I've got time-lapse photos
that would amaze you.
94
00:04:02,687 --> 00:04:04,519
Grace, Grace,
how do you like my new suit?
95
00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:06,133
Look, look, look, no panty line,
96
00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:09,317
because no panties.
97
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:18,608
Oh, there was just
no preparing for that one.
98
00:04:18,651 --> 00:04:19,917
[instrumental music]
99
00:04:23,624 --> 00:04:26,939
Mini muffins.
They think they're so cute.
100
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,344
Hmm. Someone sent those
to the house for Rosario,
101
00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:35,575
but she's in the hospital having
her stomach stapled, so...
102
00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:38,498
I don't think
she'll be needing them.
103
00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:41,638
Your maid is having
her stomach stapled?
104
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,688
No, honey, I'm having
her stomach stapled.
105
00:04:47,657 --> 00:04:49,010
♪ Good morning good morning ♪
106
00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:51,365
Come on, girls.
Jump in.
107
00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:52,804
Ma, there's no singing here.
108
00:04:52,847 --> 00:04:54,636
♪ It's great
to stay up late ♪
109
00:04:54,679 --> 00:04:56,773
♪ Good morning
good morning to you ♪
110
00:04:57,776 --> 00:04:58,780
♪ Woo
111
00:04:58,824 --> 00:05:00,263
[laughing]
112
00:05:01,528 --> 00:05:04,014
Mmm, honey, I love you.
113
00:05:04,058 --> 00:05:05,977
Oh, honey, so do I.
114
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,902
Oh, let's go shopping.
115
00:05:09,946 --> 00:05:11,168
We'll spend your dowry.
116
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,479
Might as well
put it to some use.
117
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:18,321
[laughing]
Alright.
118
00:05:18,365 --> 00:05:19,760
Okay, mom,
but before we go, get it out.
119
00:05:19,804 --> 00:05:21,113
What?
120
00:05:21,156 --> 00:05:22,116
What you've been
dying to tell me
121
00:05:22,159 --> 00:05:23,119
ever since you got here.
122
00:05:23,162 --> 00:05:25,517
Oh, let's see, I did the, uh,
123
00:05:25,562 --> 00:05:29,007
I did the office, I did
the shoes. What'd I leave out?
124
00:05:29,051 --> 00:05:32,410
Oh, um, hair, makeup,
combination skin...
125
00:05:32,453 --> 00:05:35,245
Hello? You work for me.
126
00:05:35,288 --> 00:05:37,207
That's what I'm doin', honey.
127
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:44,361
Honey, just tell me
what you want me
128
00:05:44,404 --> 00:05:46,193
to criticize,
and I'll do it.
129
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:48,461
I want you to be happy.
130
00:05:48,504 --> 00:05:51,732
[laughs]
Okay, mom, uh,
131
00:05:51,775 --> 00:05:53,956
you want to tell me that
I should get my own place
132
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,571
because I'm wasting my life
133
00:05:55,614 --> 00:05:57,403
and my time
living with a gay man,
134
00:05:57,446 --> 00:05:59,801
so, come on, tell me.
135
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,807
And why would I say that?
Will's great.
136
00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:04,861
I think you should live with
Will as long as you want.
137
00:06:04,904 --> 00:06:06,519
Okay, I don't know
what kind of sick game
138
00:06:06,562 --> 00:06:09,659
you're playing, lady,
but I want no part of it.
139
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,320
There is no game, dear.
I love Will.
140
00:06:12,364 --> 00:06:16,725
As a matter of fact,
what would really make me happy
141
00:06:16,768 --> 00:06:19,691
is that
the two of you got married.
142
00:06:19,735 --> 00:06:23,093
[laughing]
I'd like to see that one.
143
00:06:24,794 --> 00:06:28,981
Wait, wait. What?
Mom? Mom, Will is gay.
144
00:06:29,025 --> 00:06:32,122
Oh, I know that.
I'm in the theater.
145
00:06:32,165 --> 00:06:34,609
That's why it's so perfect.
146
00:06:34,652 --> 00:06:36,658
You know, how long do you think
147
00:06:36,702 --> 00:06:38,926
the "sex" thing
is going to last?
148
00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:42,983
Hmm? You see, the best
relationship ends up
149
00:06:43,026 --> 00:06:45,164
like the two of you are now,
good friends.
150
00:06:45,207 --> 00:06:47,999
So jump in.
I think a June wedding.
151
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:51,096
I'd like to go strapless.
152
00:06:51,139 --> 00:06:53,321
Well, that would certainly
fit in with no panties.
153
00:06:55,065 --> 00:06:57,115
- Mom, you're insane.
- Why?
154
00:06:57,159 --> 00:06:58,903
You know, I-- I think
that you may even have
155
00:06:58,947 --> 00:07:00,735
topped the time
that you came on
156
00:07:00,779 --> 00:07:02,829
to my prom date
as Zsa Zsa Gabor.
157
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:06,624
Oh, but darling,
I adored his ruffled shirt.
158
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,506
Ladies and gentlemen,
159
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:14,824
fresh from 45 minutes
of butt-robics, I give you...
160
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,307
my ass.
161
00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:22,850
You must be Jack.
162
00:07:22,893 --> 00:07:25,773
And you must be Bobbi Adler?
Of course.
163
00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:28,869
Fabuloso Jewess
from Schenectady. Loving you!
164
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,315
Loving your whole tribe.
Come here.
165
00:07:32,358 --> 00:07:33,493
- Oh!
- Gimme a kiss.
166
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:36,022
Oh, well,
we'll start with that.
167
00:07:38,073 --> 00:07:42,347
Anybody want to touch,
feel, poke? Caress?
168
00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,834
Only if I can get a Silkwood
scrub-down afterwards.
169
00:07:46,447 --> 00:07:48,890
I'll take a shot.
170
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:51,507
Oh, you've done this before,
haven't you?
171
00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:56,654
Okay, that just bought me
five years on the couch.
172
00:07:57,831 --> 00:07:59,576
Come on, honey,
we'll go shopping,
173
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:02,630
and we'll get you
a nice yellow blouse, on me.
174
00:08:02,673 --> 00:08:04,331
And since I hate yellow,
that's exactly
175
00:08:04,374 --> 00:08:07,166
where it'll end up. On you.
176
00:08:07,209 --> 00:08:08,867
Ooh, free food.
177
00:08:08,911 --> 00:08:11,309
Well, thank God they're gone.
178
00:08:11,353 --> 00:08:13,621
Listen, Jack, I need to talk
to you about somethin'.
179
00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:14,930
It's kind of important.
180
00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:16,499
I'm all ears...
and one high butt.
181
00:08:16,544 --> 00:08:18,637
Yeah.
182
00:08:18,681 --> 00:08:20,818
Well, actually,
it's kind of a funny story.
183
00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:22,912
A few weeks ago,
it was Stan's birthday,
184
00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:25,398
and I forgot
to get him a present.
185
00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,666
[sighs]
I mean, how am I supposed to
remember something like that?
186
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,629
Right.
187
00:08:29,672 --> 00:08:34,034
Anyway, long story short,
I think I might be pregnant.
188
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,866
[laughs]
Oh...
189
00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:38,309
Oh, Karen, I-- I...
190
00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:40,752
hope you don't forget
my birthday.
191
00:08:40,795 --> 00:08:42,714
[instrumental music]
192
00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:47,469
Okay, boys, last card.
193
00:08:47,512 --> 00:08:49,169
Down and dirty.
194
00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:51,612
And feel free to come down
and get me dirty sometime.
195
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,314
[chuckles]
196
00:08:53,357 --> 00:08:55,887
Hah! Gin!
197
00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:57,894
Well, I'll be darned,
that is gin.
198
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,463
It's too bad the rest of us
are playing poker.
199
00:09:01,862 --> 00:09:03,433
Yeah, that is too bad.
200
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,091
[laughing]
201
00:09:05,134 --> 00:09:09,191
No, Karen, we're all playing
poker, even you.
202
00:09:09,234 --> 00:09:12,942
Wow. The gays really love
their rules.
203
00:09:15,340 --> 00:09:16,605
What do you got, Jack?
204
00:09:16,649 --> 00:09:18,830
One pair of fabulous cheeks.
205
00:09:18,874 --> 00:09:21,185
[laughs]
206
00:09:21,229 --> 00:09:23,977
Oh, I got nothin'.
207
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:26,943
Well, read 'em and weep, ladies.
208
00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:30,737
Full house, aces over tens.
209
00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:33,791
Oh, poor little old me, and all
I have is these little twos.
210
00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:37,368
- Oh.
- Four of these little twos.
211
00:09:38,938 --> 00:09:41,511
Mother... Adler wins again.
212
00:09:43,561 --> 00:09:45,349
Well, I think I'm gonna
have a drink. Who's with me?
213
00:09:45,393 --> 00:09:48,272
Martini, honey. And don't waste
any space with those olives.
214
00:09:50,061 --> 00:09:51,936
Hang on.
She'll have a ginger ale.
215
00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:53,899
Karen, we talked about this.
216
00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,297
[imitating crying baby]
217
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,629
Jack, I don't even know
if I'm... yet.
218
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,330
Well, when are you gonna
take the...
219
00:10:12,131 --> 00:10:15,403
Look, Mummenschanz,
220
00:10:15,446 --> 00:10:18,325
I don't want
to take that test, okay?
221
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,986
[whispers]
Honey, have you found
yourself in a family way?
222
00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:22,948
Oh, no, no, no.
223
00:10:22,992 --> 00:10:24,693
But I think
I might be pregnant.
224
00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:29,491
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
225
00:10:29,535 --> 00:10:31,323
Yeah, join the club.
226
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,604
You know, honey,
I think I liked you better
227
00:10:37,648 --> 00:10:39,348
with your hair straighter.
228
00:10:39,392 --> 00:10:41,660
Ching, ching.
Right off the mom shield.
229
00:10:45,455 --> 00:10:48,945
Miss Kitty there is winning back
your college tuition.
230
00:10:48,988 --> 00:10:50,209
Oh, honey, would you tell him
about the time
231
00:10:50,253 --> 00:10:52,041
I played poker
with that Neil Farber
232
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,699
and left him nothing
but his skivvies.
233
00:10:53,742 --> 00:10:55,618
She left Neil Farber
with nothing but his skivvies.
234
00:10:55,661 --> 00:10:57,755
Okay, everyone, up to speed
on that one? Good.
235
00:10:59,936 --> 00:11:01,550
Oh, by the way, Will.
236
00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:04,080
Guess what Mrs. Bobbi Adler,
237
00:11:04,124 --> 00:11:06,261
the loin of my fruits,
238
00:11:06,305 --> 00:11:08,311
suggested to me this afternoon?
239
00:11:08,354 --> 00:11:11,058
Um, "Stop calling me
the loin of your fruits?"
240
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,686
No, honey. She said that you
and Grace should get married.
241
00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:17,906
[laughs]
242
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:19,826
Grace and me?
243
00:11:19,870 --> 00:11:21,483
Married.
244
00:11:21,527 --> 00:11:23,403
It was just a suggestion.
245
00:11:23,447 --> 00:11:24,580
I think
it's a wonderful idea.
246
00:11:24,624 --> 00:11:26,805
She'll make
such a beautiful bride.
247
00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:27,808
Grace, you'll look pretty, too.
248
00:11:27,851 --> 00:11:29,553
Karen: Oh!
[laughing]
249
00:11:34,525 --> 00:11:37,099
Yeah, this would be us
three weeks in.
250
00:11:37,142 --> 00:11:39,280
- Honey, I'm having an affair.
- Me too.
251
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,592
- His name is Donald.
- Me too!
252
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,249
[laughter]
253
00:11:44,906 --> 00:11:48,614
Can't you just hear it? "Will,
you may now kiss the beard."
254
00:11:51,012 --> 00:11:52,408
I mean, it's so absurd.
255
00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:54,633
Even if I was straight,
I wouldn't marry Grace.
256
00:11:54,676 --> 00:11:56,378
[laughing]
257
00:12:01,830 --> 00:12:03,182
[instrumental music]
258
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:09,376
What did Will mean by that?
259
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:11,339
I mean, if I were gay,
I would marry him.
260
00:12:14,086 --> 00:12:17,053
I mean,
if I were a gay man...
261
00:12:17,096 --> 00:12:20,630
and I lived in Amsterdam,
or ancient Greece.
262
00:12:21,502 --> 00:12:23,770
And... You know what I mean.
263
00:12:23,814 --> 00:12:25,776
Well, honey,
maybe you're just needy.
264
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:27,608
You see,
when you're with a man,
265
00:12:27,652 --> 00:12:28,524
what you need to do
is to find out what he--
266
00:12:28,568 --> 00:12:30,007
Oh, no, no, no.
267
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,188
- He-- he--
- Thank you.
268
00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:35,198
Anything but relationship advice
from you.
269
00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:36,375
- Why?
- Ladies.
270
00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:37,815
Are you ready to order?
271
00:12:37,859 --> 00:12:40,170
Uh, I'm not-- I'm not eating.
272
00:12:40,214 --> 00:12:41,827
And your sister?
273
00:12:41,872 --> 00:12:43,747
Sister?
[laughs]
274
00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:46,669
Well, honey,
I mean, I love you.
275
00:12:48,327 --> 00:12:50,508
I'll have an order
of you to go.
276
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:52,252
[laughs]
277
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:54,128
Why don't I give you ladies
a few minutes to decide.
278
00:12:54,172 --> 00:12:56,134
Alright,
that's cute, cute.
279
00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:00,976
Why won't I take your advice?
That's why.
280
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:02,765
Well, what was I gonna do, dear?
Ignore him?
281
00:13:02,808 --> 00:13:05,817
He was flirting with me.
It's my youthful skin.
282
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:07,998
It's the only thing that
283
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:11,532
dreadful grandmother
of yours gave me.
284
00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:13,494
Mom? Mom, what I-- what I'm
285
00:13:13,538 --> 00:13:15,588
trying to say to you is that
286
00:13:15,632 --> 00:13:19,208
[sighs]
you always need
to be the center of attention,
287
00:13:19,252 --> 00:13:21,476
in-- in a restaurant,
in your marriage,
288
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,049
you always
have to be the star.
289
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,969
God cast me in the role.
290
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,994
You know, Will has a theory
about relationships.
291
00:13:34,039 --> 00:13:36,612
One person is the gardener,
who tends,
292
00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:38,749
and the other person
is the flower,
293
00:13:38,793 --> 00:13:41,540
who gets tended to
and, mom,
294
00:13:41,584 --> 00:13:44,594
I say this with love,
you're a big stinkin' rose.
295
00:13:46,687 --> 00:13:48,345
Sorry, ladies.
My turn to be late.
296
00:13:48,388 --> 00:13:50,787
No, you're just in time. My
daughter's hating me for lunch.
297
00:13:50,832 --> 00:13:52,401
- Ah.
- I don't hate you.
298
00:13:52,445 --> 00:13:54,146
I hate you.
299
00:13:55,411 --> 00:13:57,591
This is gonna be
a pleasant lunch.
300
00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:59,686
What's everybody having?
301
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:00,951
I'm not eating,
302
00:14:00,994 --> 00:14:02,084
my mother's having
the snapper,
303
00:14:02,128 --> 00:14:03,873
and why the hell
wouldn't you marry me?
304
00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,232
Can I, at least,
have a bread stick first?
305
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:12,378
Why wouldn't you marry me?
306
00:14:12,422 --> 00:14:14,036
You're just
not my type of woman.
307
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,348
Okay, I prefer someone taller
308
00:14:16,391 --> 00:14:18,310
and, uh, with a hairy chest.
309
00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:20,404
[laughs]
310
00:14:20,448 --> 00:14:21,757
It's funny.
311
00:14:23,283 --> 00:14:24,897
Well, ignore me.
Keep going.
312
00:14:24,941 --> 00:14:26,293
You said specifically
313
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:27,993
that if you were straight,
you wouldn't marry me,
314
00:14:28,038 --> 00:14:30,000
and I'm just curious
as to why, huh?
315
00:14:30,044 --> 00:14:33,184
- Why, huh? Why, huh?
- Alright...
316
00:14:33,228 --> 00:14:35,234
I'm not gonna talk to you
when you're like this, okay?
317
00:14:35,278 --> 00:14:37,415
Okay, okay. You're right,
you're right.
318
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:40,076
I'm, I-- I-- I'm just
overreacting.
319
00:14:40,119 --> 00:14:41,558
But look, I really think
it would be good
320
00:14:41,602 --> 00:14:44,132
for me to know,
so, so please, tell me.
321
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,441
It's nothing.
322
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,796
It's nothing to do
with our relationship.
323
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,893
It has more to do with the way
you are with your boyfriends.
324
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:52,856
Do you really want to discuss
this in front of your mother?
325
00:14:52,899 --> 00:14:55,647
Oh, please, I used to take her
temperature in the tushy.
326
00:14:59,529 --> 00:15:01,580
Nothing shocks me.
327
00:15:01,623 --> 00:15:04,719
Just ignore me.
Go, go, go.
328
00:15:04,764 --> 00:15:07,468
- How am I with my boyfriends?
- Oh, you know how you are.
329
00:15:07,512 --> 00:15:10,172
Will, obviously, I don't.
How am I? Will?
330
00:15:10,216 --> 00:15:14,534
Okay, you have a tendency...
331
00:15:14,577 --> 00:15:17,544
You kind of need to be the star
of your relationships.
332
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:19,114
You know, I mean,
it-- it's all about your stuff.
333
00:15:19,157 --> 00:15:20,553
Your boyfriends
are like gardeners,
334
00:15:20,596 --> 00:15:21,861
and-- and you're
sort of like--
335
00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:25,177
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
336
00:15:25,221 --> 00:15:26,573
Do not call me a flower.
I am not a flower.
337
00:15:26,616 --> 00:15:28,448
I am a gardener, damn it.
338
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:30,193
I do plenty of hoeing.
339
00:15:32,243 --> 00:15:34,031
That's just what a mother
likes to hear.
340
00:15:35,863 --> 00:15:37,825
Okay, okay. You know what?
You know what?
341
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,356
I think I am just, I am done
with this-- this lovely lunch.
342
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:42,973
I do not have to sit here
and be criticized
343
00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:45,023
and insulted by my best friend.
344
00:15:45,066 --> 00:15:47,640
That is why
my mother is in town.
345
00:15:47,683 --> 00:15:49,602
Grace, you asked me
a question.
346
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:52,263
You are describing the wrong
person at this table.
347
00:15:52,307 --> 00:15:54,618
I-- I, I am giving
and nurturing
348
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:58,195
and-- and loving and selfless
with my boyfriends.
349
00:15:58,239 --> 00:16:00,071
I, Will Truman, am no star.
350
00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:05,698
[instrumental music]
351
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,015
[alarm dings]
Oh.
352
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:11,456
Oh, that's 15 minutes.
353
00:16:11,499 --> 00:16:13,592
Yeah. So, uh,
354
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:16,995
if the stick is blue,
we're pregnant.
355
00:16:20,659 --> 00:16:21,575
Okay.
356
00:16:35,096 --> 00:16:38,411
Well, nothin' doin'
on mine. Karen?
357
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,243
Well, nothing here, either.
358
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:43,427
Well, thank God
for that. Oh.
359
00:16:43,471 --> 00:16:45,259
- You okay?
- Okay?
360
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:47,047
Oh, honey,
I'm relieved.
361
00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:50,232
I can't have a kid right now.
We just recarpeted.
362
00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:54,070
Well, you know, I knew
there'd be nothing on mine.
363
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,423
I mean, I'm not insane.
364
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:57,210
It's just...
365
00:16:57,255 --> 00:16:59,959
Still, I'm a little... sad.
366
00:17:01,703 --> 00:17:04,887
Oh, honey. Well, here,
take my platinum.
367
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:07,766
Charge yourself
a little happy.
368
00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:09,336
No, thanks. I think I'm just
gonna hit the gym
369
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,779
and work out some of these
feelings... and my delts.
370
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,807
Uh, don't hate me
for doing this, but...
371
00:17:20,852 --> 00:17:22,159
I love you.
372
00:17:33,588 --> 00:17:35,201
Hello, Stan?
373
00:17:35,245 --> 00:17:37,688
Hi. Put your kids on,
I want to talk to them.
374
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,352
Yes, I'm serious!
375
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:43,969
[instrumental music]
376
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,639
Grace: April 16th, 1980.
377
00:17:49,683 --> 00:17:52,997
Dear Diary. Well, tonight was
really my night.
378
00:17:53,042 --> 00:17:55,877
Adam and I won best couple at
the Hawthorne Junior High prom.
379
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,403
Adam looked like Adam,
but everyone said
380
00:17:57,447 --> 00:17:58,842
I looked like Debbie Harry,
381
00:17:58,886 --> 00:18:00,631
only prettier
and with red hair.
382
00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:02,419
How psyched am I?
383
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,560
Ew.
384
00:18:10,576 --> 00:18:12,887
June 5th, 1995.
385
00:18:12,931 --> 00:18:14,938
Tonight was really my night.
386
00:18:14,981 --> 00:18:16,115
Danny got promoted
to vice president
387
00:18:16,159 --> 00:18:17,729
of his investment firm.
388
00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:19,867
At the company dinner,
everyone told him
389
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:22,571
how lucky he is to have
a girlfriend like me.
390
00:18:22,615 --> 00:18:25,013
[chuckles]
I'm so proud of him.
391
00:18:25,057 --> 00:18:26,584
I love the dress
that I wore.
392
00:18:26,628 --> 00:18:30,116
And my new shoes,
ooh la la.
393
00:18:32,341 --> 00:18:35,264
How did I get like this?
394
00:18:35,307 --> 00:18:37,096
Well, tonight was really
my night.
395
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,148
I was walking down Columbus,
396
00:18:40,193 --> 00:18:41,893
and these kids
were shooting a commercial
397
00:18:41,937 --> 00:18:43,202
about, I don't know what.
398
00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:45,034
It was juice or pants
or something.
399
00:18:45,077 --> 00:18:47,913
Anyway, they put me in it.
Your mother's gonna be on TV.
400
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:50,573
[laughs]
They even gave me a line
401
00:18:50,617 --> 00:18:52,580
"It's chew-rrific."
402
00:18:55,197 --> 00:18:58,643
I'm guessing
it wasn't pants.
403
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:03,048
Look, Grace, I know that
you've been sitting in here
404
00:19:03,092 --> 00:19:06,363
ever since lunch, scared
to death about turning into me.
405
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,195
No.
406
00:19:08,238 --> 00:19:09,722
I already know I'm you.
407
00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:14,606
What I'm scared of is...
408
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:16,395
[sighs]
what that means
409
00:19:16,438 --> 00:19:18,925
for my romantic life.
410
00:19:18,969 --> 00:19:20,408
I mean, I can't even
get a gay guy
411
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,153
to hypothetically marry me.
412
00:19:24,683 --> 00:19:27,343
Let me tell you something, dear.
413
00:19:27,387 --> 00:19:30,266
I joke about your father,
but I love him.
414
00:19:30,309 --> 00:19:33,711
You can ask him any time,
day and night,
415
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:34,933
who is the love of his life,
416
00:19:34,976 --> 00:19:38,030
and he'll say,
"I married her."
417
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:39,949
"And move over,
you're blockin' the TV."
418
00:19:42,696 --> 00:19:44,485
Maybe you just
got really lucky.
419
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:48,411
No. No, I'm not lucky.
I'm terrific.
420
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,679
And you're terrific, Grace.
421
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:54,866
Oh, honey,
you are a wonderful woman.
422
00:19:54,910 --> 00:19:58,486
Tsk. Grace,
embrace who you are.
423
00:20:02,543 --> 00:20:04,855
Mmm. Mmm.
424
00:20:07,952 --> 00:20:09,740
I'm sorry, I must be
in the wrong apartment.
425
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,575
What's going on?
426
00:20:12,618 --> 00:20:15,149
What's the matter
with you, Will?
427
00:20:15,192 --> 00:20:17,286
How could you not
marry my daughter?
428
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:20,514
Um, I'm gay?
429
00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,956
Well, that's not the point.
430
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,788
Where else could you
be lucky enough
431
00:20:24,831 --> 00:20:27,013
to find a girl like this?
432
00:20:27,056 --> 00:20:30,153
Because gardener,
flower, star, co-star,
433
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:33,860
call it whatever you want to,
it works for us Adler girls.
434
00:20:33,904 --> 00:20:36,259
Mmmwah!
435
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,961
- Oh, oh, okay, mom.
- Oh, dear. Uh-oh, oh...
436
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,488
- In the hair. In the hair.
- I'm sorry, sorry.
437
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:41,537
I'm sorry, darling.
438
00:20:41,581 --> 00:20:44,024
Oh, well, I'm late
for my manicure.
439
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,071
We'll meet for dinner at 8:00.
440
00:20:45,114 --> 00:20:46,466
Oh, reminds me of a song!
441
00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:49,388
♪ She gets too hungry
for dinner at eight ♪♪
32104
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof