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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,352
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:05,012 --> 00:00:06,494
Grace: Hi.
Will: Hey.
3
00:00:06,538 --> 00:00:09,067
Grace: Oh, yum. Give me some.
Will: No.
4
00:00:09,111 --> 00:00:10,201
Grace, don't--
5
00:00:12,336 --> 00:00:14,429
Oh, God.
6
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:17,176
That's disgusting. What is that?
7
00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:18,746
Fruit shake.
8
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:20,010
What fruit is gray?
9
00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:23,324
Pears.
10
00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:26,420
What?
11
00:00:28,164 --> 00:00:29,733
- Oh.
- Oh, for--
12
00:00:29,777 --> 00:00:31,434
Oh--
13
00:00:31,477 --> 00:00:33,003
Mondo Fuel?
14
00:00:34,791 --> 00:00:36,230
You're trying to bulk up.
15
00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:37,930
No, it's a...
16
00:00:37,974 --> 00:00:40,022
dietary supplement.
[chuckling]
17
00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:43,555
No, it's not.
18
00:00:43,598 --> 00:00:45,952
You want za big arms,
19
00:00:45,996 --> 00:00:47,784
so you can get za big mens
20
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,182
and lure them into
your den of zoom-zoom.
21
00:00:50,226 --> 00:00:51,839
Okay, thank you very much.
22
00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:53,626
That'll be enough, Grace.
23
00:00:53,670 --> 00:00:55,763
- Oh, my God. What's happening?
- What?
24
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,030
Your buttons are popping.
Your shirt is ripping.
25
00:00:58,073 --> 00:00:59,643
You're hulking up!
You're turning green!
26
00:00:59,687 --> 00:01:01,431
[screams]
27
00:01:01,474 --> 00:01:04,963
Thank you. Excuse me,
this happens to be good for you.
28
00:01:05,573 --> 00:01:07,361
Oh, my God.
29
00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:09,192
It says it also
grows breast tissue.
30
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,767
You want to give it a try?
31
00:01:16,299 --> 00:01:18,915
[chuckles]
32
00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:21,923
You know, I thought I knew
everything about you,
33
00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:24,626
but you're a mystery,
wrapped in a riddle,
34
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,893
surrounded by enigma,
growing boobies.
35
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,036
Anyway, how are you?
36
00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,561
I'm okay.
37
00:01:32,605 --> 00:01:34,000
Karen's going on vacation,
38
00:01:34,044 --> 00:01:36,224
so I need to find
an assistant for the week.
39
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:37,663
Karen files her nails,
and thumbs
40
00:01:37,707 --> 00:01:38,927
through catalogues all day.
41
00:01:38,971 --> 00:01:40,584
What's she gonna do
on a vacation?
42
00:01:40,628 --> 00:01:42,546
I guess office work.
43
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,575
Oh, my God.
44
00:01:52,618 --> 00:01:54,493
Look, don't. It's too easy.
45
00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:57,806
Just give me something
to wear, 'cause I can't
46
00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:00,640
walk another block
in this Klingon suit.
47
00:02:00,684 --> 00:02:03,038
You want us to not make fun
of you looking like that?
48
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,738
That would be...
49
00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:06,701
illogical.
50
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,532
Sit, alien cater-waiter.
51
00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:11,017
Tell us of your pain.
52
00:02:11,061 --> 00:02:13,677
Brandon Schwartz's
Star Fleet Bar Mitzvah.
53
00:02:16,205 --> 00:02:18,255
The decor, USS Enterprise.
54
00:02:18,298 --> 00:02:19,955
The menu, intergalactic kosher.
55
00:02:21,351 --> 00:02:22,746
Not to mention
one of the little Borgs
56
00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:25,493
barfed all over my clothes.
57
00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,890
Captain, after
closer examination,
58
00:02:27,934 --> 00:02:29,460
I believe I have
identified the life form
59
00:02:29,504 --> 00:02:31,335
as, "Gaylien."
60
00:02:36,437 --> 00:02:37,744
We come in peace.
61
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:39,707
Please do not
rearrange our furniture.
62
00:02:42,278 --> 00:02:43,587
Oh, you know what?
63
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,374
Goodbye.
64
00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:47,118
Okay, okay. We'll stop.
65
00:02:47,162 --> 00:02:48,775
No, you won't, because
you can't help yourself.
66
00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:50,868
You were born bitter,
nasty, mean-spirited,
67
00:02:50,912 --> 00:02:53,572
and, of course, chunky.
68
00:02:53,615 --> 00:02:55,533
And, Grace, you're not much
better, you are a follower
69
00:02:55,577 --> 00:02:57,059
without an ounce of decency.
70
00:02:57,103 --> 00:02:59,370
Jack, do you want to work
in my office for a week?
71
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,766
Although you have
the ability to change,
72
00:03:00,809 --> 00:03:02,902
and that's what I've
always liked about you.
73
00:03:02,946 --> 00:03:04,123
Karen's going
on vacation for a week.
74
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:05,649
I need someone to help out
with the phones.
75
00:03:05,693 --> 00:03:07,393
- Hours? Dental?
- Minimal. Lunch.
76
00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:08,395
Yeah. I think we can
work something out.
77
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,791
Great.
78
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,884
Oh, you girls are
gonna have a ball.
79
00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:13,802
Braiding each other's hair,
and talking about boys,
80
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,721
and doing the "Cosmo" quiz.
81
00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:17,857
Oh, you mean, like, how to tell
if your best friend's a bitch?
82
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:19,601
Yeah, I already took it.
You are.
83
00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:25,705
[theme music]
84
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,907
Female #1: Karen Walker's
here to see you.
85
00:03:36,693 --> 00:03:37,783
You're kidding.
86
00:03:39,788 --> 00:03:41,707
Send her in.
87
00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,712
Of course he is.
88
00:03:43,755 --> 00:03:46,022
As a three-dollar bill, honey.
89
00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:52,171
Did she just fall
off the boat, or what?
90
00:03:53,435 --> 00:03:54,699
Karen, what are you doing here
91
00:03:54,743 --> 00:03:57,620
besides outing me
to the front office?
92
00:03:57,664 --> 00:03:59,320
Well, first of a--
93
00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,065
Oh, Will.
94
00:04:01,109 --> 00:04:03,114
The green, no.
[chuckles]
95
00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:06,864
The law books are
kind of cute, though.
96
00:04:06,907 --> 00:04:08,957
And you work in a basement?
97
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,224
Honey, you've gotta
move up from the street.
98
00:04:11,267 --> 00:04:12,924
Otherwise, you're
sittin' around all day
99
00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:14,755
watchin' bad shoes go by.
100
00:04:16,718 --> 00:04:17,895
See, Nine West.
101
00:04:21,426 --> 00:04:23,039
I love this office.
102
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,391
Okay, I mean-- I mean,
look at these moldings.
103
00:04:24,435 --> 00:04:26,309
See, this place has
historical significance.
104
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,402
You know, they filmed
"Serpico" just--
105
00:04:28,446 --> 00:04:29,972
Why am I defending my building?
106
00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,890
K-- Karen, what do you want?
107
00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,678
Well, what I want,
108
00:04:33,722 --> 00:04:35,509
is for you to get a new rug.
109
00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,471
Oh, honey.
110
00:04:37,514 --> 00:04:39,826
It's too busy, it's shoddy,
111
00:04:39,870 --> 00:04:41,875
I'm thinking of leaving
my husband, and--
112
00:04:41,918 --> 00:04:43,968
Oh! Those window treatments!
113
00:04:44,011 --> 00:04:46,365
- What? What? What?
- Bamboo?
114
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:48,720
This is a law firm,
not the Tiki-Tiki Room.
115
00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:51,467
- Karen!
- How can you--
116
00:04:51,511 --> 00:04:53,211
Forget the blinds.
117
00:04:53,255 --> 00:04:55,435
Your husband? What's
happening with you and Stan?
118
00:04:55,478 --> 00:04:58,879
Well, we were just
about to get on our plane
119
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:01,408
to go black pearl shopping
in Bora Bora,
120
00:05:01,452 --> 00:05:03,893
when all of a sudden,
I looked at Stan,
121
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,463
and it dawned on me,
122
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,948
marriage shouldn't
be this much work.
123
00:05:10,171 --> 00:05:12,264
Karen, I'm a corporate attorney.
124
00:05:12,308 --> 00:05:14,227
What you need is
a good divorce lawyer
125
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,450
or perhaps just
a good pharmacist.
126
00:05:19,589 --> 00:05:22,379
The nastiness comes
so easily to your people.
127
00:05:26,783 --> 00:05:28,963
Come on, Will!
Don't patronize me.
128
00:05:29,007 --> 00:05:31,710
I know exactly what
kind of lawyer you are,
129
00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:33,890
an obscure one.
130
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,852
And that's why I need you.
131
00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:37,989
I have to find out about
Stan's corporate holdings
132
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:39,036
without him knowing.
133
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:40,169
Will: Really?
134
00:05:40,213 --> 00:05:43,439
This is so...
Alexis Carrington.
135
00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:46,230
Come on! Look, I'm serious.
136
00:05:46,273 --> 00:05:48,453
The thing is, I'm
starting to feel
137
00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:50,502
as if I don't own
my own husband anymore.
138
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,955
You mean, you don't know
your own husband anymore?
139
00:05:56,999 --> 00:05:58,306
Well, that's what
I just said, honey.
140
00:05:58,350 --> 00:05:59,309
Will: No, you s--
141
00:06:01,097 --> 00:06:02,536
You said, "Own."
142
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,106
No, I said I feel like
143
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:05,588
I don't own my own,
like I don't, like I--
144
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,201
Oh, alright! Ding, ding, ding.
145
00:06:07,245 --> 00:06:09,033
You'd win on "Jeopardy,"
smart guy!
146
00:06:13,567 --> 00:06:15,441
Now, when does
the attorney-client privilege
147
00:06:15,485 --> 00:06:17,883
kick in?
148
00:06:17,927 --> 00:06:20,151
Well, as soon as the client
gives the attorney a check,
149
00:06:20,194 --> 00:06:22,069
but... I don't know, Karen.
150
00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:24,467
Me as your lawyer--
151
00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:26,255
Me as your lawyer,
consider it done.
152
00:06:28,435 --> 00:06:30,266
Jack: Here's something that you
probably don't know about Will.
153
00:06:30,309 --> 00:06:33,536
In elementary school,
Will secretly loved the book
154
00:06:33,579 --> 00:06:35,193
"Are You There God?
It's Me, Margaret."
155
00:06:35,236 --> 00:06:38,114
Yeah. We bonded
over it in college.
156
00:06:38,157 --> 00:06:39,160
Okay, well, did you
know that Will--
157
00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:40,163
Grace: Oh, please.
158
00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:41,166
The day you know more
159
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:42,387
about Will than I do,
160
00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,087
is the day I gladly
kiss your butt.
161
00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,098
Here, do me a favor.
Sort these tassels.
162
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,322
You want me to sort them
by color, by size?
163
00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:51,761
By 5 o'clock.
164
00:06:53,244 --> 00:06:54,725
Oh, you want to be useful,
help the man
165
00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,949
standing behind you
with the big package.
166
00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,258
Grace, don't tease me.
167
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:07,108
- Hello.
- Grace Adler Design?
168
00:07:07,152 --> 00:07:08,199
I'll sign for it.
169
00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:12,210
Uh, just your name, sir.
170
00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:13,474
I don't need
your phone number.
171
00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:17,267
Don't be so sure.
172
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:19,578
Sir.
173
00:07:21,845 --> 00:07:23,720
Jack?
174
00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:24,897
Jack?
175
00:07:24,941 --> 00:07:27,208
Jack! Hi.
176
00:07:27,252 --> 00:07:28,908
Can you put that in the back,
please? Thank you.
177
00:07:30,348 --> 00:07:31,263
[thudding]
178
00:07:33,225 --> 00:07:36,364
Wow, tell me that guy did not
look exactly like Steven.
179
00:07:36,408 --> 00:07:38,239
- Who's Steven?
- Will's Steven.
180
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,029
- Will doesn't have a Steven.
- Well, not anymore.
181
00:07:41,073 --> 00:07:41,901
Jack: But you know--
182
00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:44,430
Oh.
183
00:07:47,831 --> 00:07:50,317
You don't know who Steven is.
184
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:51,798
Oops, butterfingers.
185
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:55,897
I guess one shouldn't make
any promises they can't keep.
186
00:08:02,175 --> 00:08:04,573
With love in your heart,
and a smile on your face.
187
00:08:07,276 --> 00:08:08,759
Jack, just tell me
who Steven is.
188
00:08:08,803 --> 00:08:09,936
I'm waiting.
189
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:13,730
- Two bucks more an hour.
- I'm talking.
190
00:08:13,773 --> 00:08:15,343
Steven was a guy
at his old law firm.
191
00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:16,433
They had a little
fling last summer
192
00:08:16,477 --> 00:08:18,395
while he was
still seeing Michael.
193
00:08:18,438 --> 00:08:20,967
And let me just say,
Hotty McHot.
194
00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:22,014
[hissing]
195
00:08:24,978 --> 00:08:26,984
- Last summer?
- Yeah.
196
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,164
He used to call him a client.
That was his code word.
197
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:30,559
"I'm having dinner
with the client."
198
00:08:30,603 --> 00:08:32,478
"I'm drawing up some
briefs for a client."
199
00:08:32,522 --> 00:08:34,440
Oh. There were
some briefs involved.
200
00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,626
But he wasn't drawin' them up.
201
00:08:45,602 --> 00:08:48,043
- Hey.
- Hi.
202
00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:50,660
Ready to hear what I have
planned for us tonight?
203
00:08:50,703 --> 00:08:53,231
First of all, I'm putting aside
all of my food issues.
204
00:08:53,275 --> 00:08:55,194
So get ready,
tonight, we eat wheat.
205
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,728
So, workin' with Jack.
206
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:00,992
How long did it take
before he took
207
00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,344
one of your silk drapery panels
208
00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:04,306
and wore it like a sarong?
209
00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,456
Why are you looking
at me like that?
210
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,332
"I Know What You
Did Last Summer."
211
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:19,217
Pardon?
212
00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:23,578
The movie. I rented it.
213
00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:24,711
"I Know What You
Did Last Summer."
214
00:09:24,755 --> 00:09:25,671
Oh, I see.
215
00:09:27,022 --> 00:09:29,551
And "An Affair To Remember."
216
00:09:32,603 --> 00:09:34,871
With "The Client."
217
00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:41,933
What do you think?
218
00:09:41,977 --> 00:09:43,634
I think all the good movies
were taken.
219
00:09:45,945 --> 00:09:48,473
I think you're also gonna
have to watch them alone.
220
00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:50,043
Why? Where are you going?
221
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:51,264
Yeah, I gotta meet
with a client.
222
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,498
A what?
223
00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:58,938
A client.
224
00:10:00,507 --> 00:10:02,295
Grace: At 9 o'clock at night?
Will: Yeah.
225
00:10:02,338 --> 00:10:03,691
It's the only time
we could both do it.
226
00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:09,096
- Who is it?
- It's just a client.
227
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:11,843
It's a new client.
I'll see you in the morning.
228
00:10:11,887 --> 00:10:14,154
Oh, and, uh, go easy
on the wheat, huh?
229
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,160
I don't want to come home
and find you lying on the floor,
230
00:10:16,203 --> 00:10:18,079
clutching the phone
with your finger on the nine.
231
00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,264
[dialing]
232
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,930
Jack, good, you're still there.
233
00:10:26,973 --> 00:10:27,670
Jack: Yeah.
234
00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:31,812
Jack: I'm still waiting
for that package.
235
00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:35,824
Grace, where did you get
these drapery panels?
236
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:38,048
Um. Emerald Fabric, why?
237
00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:40,228
No reason.
238
00:10:40,271 --> 00:10:42,800
So, uh, what did Will say
when you asked him about Steven?
239
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,154
Well, I never got to ask him
about that client. Why?
240
00:10:45,198 --> 00:10:46,811
Because he has a new client.
241
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,555
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, like you don't know.
242
00:10:48,599 --> 00:10:49,994
He's seeing someone, Jack.
243
00:10:50,037 --> 00:10:51,259
I can't believe
you kept this from me.
244
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,871
I didn't know anything about it.
245
00:10:52,916 --> 00:10:53,961
No, no, no. It's-- it's
gotta be something else.
246
00:10:54,005 --> 00:10:55,706
Besides, the odds
are against him.
247
00:10:55,749 --> 00:10:58,104
He's only been with five people
in the last eight years.
248
00:10:58,147 --> 00:10:59,717
He's like a humpback whale.
249
00:11:01,854 --> 00:11:03,292
Without the hump.
250
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,565
Oh, my God.
251
00:11:07,608 --> 00:11:09,091
So, what could it be?
252
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,486
I mean, what could it be that--
253
00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:12,230
that he didn't tell you
and he didn't tell me?
254
00:11:13,887 --> 00:11:15,980
It must be something
he didn't want us to know.
255
00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:18,989
Good work, Nancy Drew.
256
00:11:19,032 --> 00:11:20,645
Let's meet up
at Old Mystery Creek.
257
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,444
Jack, just get over here now.
258
00:11:26,487 --> 00:11:27,970
And lose the drapes,
I can hear the fabrics
259
00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:29,147
rustling through the phone.
260
00:11:36,385 --> 00:11:37,824
Can I, uh--
261
00:11:37,867 --> 00:11:40,265
Can I talk to you for a minute
as if we were friends?
262
00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:42,053
Oh, honey.
263
00:11:42,096 --> 00:11:44,015
I know, I know,
I give you a hard time,
264
00:11:44,059 --> 00:11:47,023
and I make jokes about
how you never do any work.
265
00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:48,723
But it's funny
because it's true.
266
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:50,642
[laughing]
267
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:55,046
I know. Karen.
268
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,226
If you're set on divorce,
I can help you with that,
269
00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,583
but it's gonna take
an emotional toll.
270
00:12:00,627 --> 00:12:03,417
Oh, I don't know, Will, I mean,
271
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,467
in a lot of ways,
I have a very good life.
272
00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:08,998
A home in the city, a home
in the country, a boat,
273
00:12:09,042 --> 00:12:11,875
jewelry, art, cars,
a chef, a trainer,
274
00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:12,922
an ass-kicking wardrobe--
275
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,099
Yeah, I get it.
276
00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:18,329
How is the woman inside
277
00:12:18,372 --> 00:12:20,073
the ass-kicking wardrobe?
278
00:12:21,729 --> 00:12:24,214
Nine percent body fat,
and a little bit lost.
279
00:12:25,784 --> 00:12:27,659
Oh, Will, I don't know
what it takes
280
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,490
to make a good relationship.
281
00:12:29,534 --> 00:12:31,496
Oh, well, I'm no expert,
282
00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:34,112
but the key relationships
in my life
283
00:12:34,155 --> 00:12:35,987
are based on communication
284
00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:37,992
and trust.
285
00:12:38,035 --> 00:12:40,608
What is he hiding?
What could be so bad?
286
00:12:40,652 --> 00:12:41,829
Why doesn't he trust me?
287
00:12:44,315 --> 00:12:45,448
I don't know,
maybe it's 'cause
288
00:12:45,492 --> 00:12:47,149
you're rifling
through his stuff.
289
00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:50,332
Don't get me wrong,
I do this all the time.
290
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:53,296
You're just never here
when it happens.
291
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,214
Oh, don't worry.
Your room? Boring.
292
00:13:00,577 --> 00:13:01,754
So, tell me again
what we're looking for.
293
00:13:01,798 --> 00:13:03,455
Something that spells doom.
294
00:13:03,498 --> 00:13:05,155
[gasps]
295
00:13:05,199 --> 00:13:06,855
- What?
- He ate all the Mallomars.
296
00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:10,518
Oh, my God.
He's stress eating.
297
00:13:10,562 --> 00:13:13,309
He's eating because...
his business is folding.
298
00:13:13,352 --> 00:13:14,835
You think his business
is folding?
299
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,273
Well, it all makes sense,
I mean, he actually asked me
300
00:13:16,318 --> 00:13:18,236
when I was gonna
pay back the 25,000.
301
00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,290
No, no, no, no.
That, he would tell me.
302
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:23,816
It has to be something worse.
303
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:26,869
God, what is he
keeping from me?
304
00:13:26,912 --> 00:13:28,176
Oh, my God.
305
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,964
It's drugs.
306
00:13:30,007 --> 00:13:31,883
It's drugs.
307
00:13:31,926 --> 00:13:33,844
He's doing drugs.
[Jack gasps]
308
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,153
Without me.
309
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,951
Not that I do drugs,
but I'd like to be asked.
310
00:13:42,695 --> 00:13:43,916
You know what else he wouldn't
tell either of us?
311
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:45,661
lf he's sick.
312
00:13:45,704 --> 00:13:47,273
He needs a kidney.
313
00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,974
Oh, my God.
He needs a kidney.
314
00:13:50,369 --> 00:13:51,285
Not that I would
give him a kidney
315
00:13:51,329 --> 00:13:52,636
but I'd like to be asked.
316
00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,560
- Jack, go check his bedroom.
- Okay. What am I looking for?
317
00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,348
Doom.
318
00:13:58,392 --> 00:14:00,136
I'll start with his bed.
319
00:14:02,272 --> 00:14:03,580
Jack: Aha! I found something!
320
00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:06,327
- What?
- Will's new jacket.
321
00:14:06,371 --> 00:14:08,377
I'm swimming in it,
but loving the fabric.
322
00:14:11,079 --> 00:14:13,434
I don't think
there's anything here.
323
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,483
Oh, no wonder it's so bulky,
his day planner's in here.
324
00:14:27,342 --> 00:14:28,345
This is wrong.
325
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,697
You think we should
put it away?
326
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:31,528
No, it's the wrong month.
327
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:35,147
Okay, here it is.
328
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:37,108
He's having dinner
at the Astor Cafe.
329
00:14:38,548 --> 00:14:40,771
With K.
330
00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,472
K? Kidney!
331
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,172
But he wouldn't be
having dinner with one.
332
00:14:46,395 --> 00:14:48,968
The Astor Cafe.
333
00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:49,971
- No, I can't.
- You could.
334
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:50,973
- I won't.
- You will.
335
00:14:51,018 --> 00:14:52,020
- You're right.
- Yes.
336
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:55,596
It seems like
despite everything,
337
00:14:55,639 --> 00:14:57,209
you're still in love
with your husband.
338
00:14:57,252 --> 00:15:00,304
Well, I guess in a lot of ways,
I'm kind of like a younger,
339
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:02,484
much more beautiful version
of Leona Helmsley.
340
00:15:04,184 --> 00:15:05,798
First, you marry for money,
341
00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:09,591
and then you find yourself
lovin' the old coot.
342
00:15:09,635 --> 00:15:11,945
Then he drops dead,
and you get the money anyway.
343
00:15:11,989 --> 00:15:13,079
It's a win-win.
344
00:15:14,518 --> 00:15:15,608
My heart is full.
345
00:15:15,652 --> 00:15:16,742
Oh, honey, give me your phone.
346
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,485
I wanna call Stan
right this minute.
347
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,799
Head. Head. Head.
348
00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:22,889
Can I help you?
349
00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:24,415
No, I'm just here
to see someone.
350
00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:27,032
- You need a reservation.
- To see someone?
351
00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:28,819
We like to protect our patrons.
352
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:30,737
What do you think I'm gonna do,
run around the dining room,
353
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:32,089
and oversalt their food?
354
00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:36,667
Who's my puppy, huh?
[chuckles]
355
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:39,283
Who's my naughty,
naughty little puppy?
356
00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:40,984
[laughs]
357
00:15:45,692 --> 00:15:47,524
Wag that tail.
[chuckles]
358
00:15:49,791 --> 00:15:51,491
That's right, wag it.
359
00:15:53,672 --> 00:15:56,113
[gasps]
Uh-oh.
360
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,686
Oh, I know a very,
361
00:15:58,729 --> 00:16:01,302
very bad, naughty puppy
362
00:16:01,345 --> 00:16:03,656
who's gonna have to go
back on his leash.
363
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,793
[laughs]
364
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:07,318
Excuse me,
could I get the check?
365
00:16:07,361 --> 00:16:09,150
And an airlift out of here?
366
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:13,422
Oh, Stan?
367
00:16:13,465 --> 00:16:14,905
I'm-- I'm gonna
have to call you back.
368
00:16:14,948 --> 00:16:17,259
I'm gettin' another call,
but I'll see you later.
369
00:16:17,302 --> 00:16:19,526
Mm-hmm. Start doing
your sit-ups.
370
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:20,485
[chuckles]
371
00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:23,712
Here, honey, you got a call.
372
00:16:23,756 --> 00:16:27,331
And I have to go, uh, reapply.
373
00:16:27,375 --> 00:16:29,860
- Hello.
- Hi, it's me.
374
00:16:29,903 --> 00:16:31,429
Um, I just wanted to know
375
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:33,435
if there was, you know, anything
376
00:16:33,479 --> 00:16:35,004
that you wanted to tell me.
377
00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:36,530
What are you talking about?
378
00:16:36,574 --> 00:16:38,318
Well, you're hiding something
from me. What is it?
379
00:16:38,361 --> 00:16:39,626
How much wheat did you have?
380
00:16:41,457 --> 00:16:43,071
Why didn't you
tell me about Steven?
381
00:16:43,114 --> 00:16:44,030
Will: Steven?
Grace: Yes!
382
00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:46,864
I had to find out from--
383
00:16:46,908 --> 00:16:48,869
Oh! Damn it!
384
00:16:48,914 --> 00:16:50,614
Oh, God, that's the last time
I buy a phone
385
00:16:50,657 --> 00:16:52,314
to get a free pair of pantyhose.
386
00:17:01,383 --> 00:17:04,347
[cell phone ringing]
Hello?
387
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,182
Keeping secrets is
not in our rule book.
388
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:09,274
I know all about K.
389
00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:11,585
Well, actually,
I don't know all about K.
390
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:12,457
Actually, I don't know
anything about K.
391
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:14,158
Who's K?
392
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,555
Hold on. Hello?
393
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,954
What? No. I don't--
394
00:17:18,998 --> 00:17:20,001
[sighs]
Wait a minute.
395
00:17:26,018 --> 00:17:27,456
No, we're all booked up,
but it looks like
396
00:17:27,499 --> 00:17:29,375
we have an opening at 10:00.
397
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:30,508
Bochner, for two.
398
00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:34,214
Window seat? Don't push it.
399
00:17:37,614 --> 00:17:40,057
- Will.
- I am in the middle of dinner.
400
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,887
No, you're not.
You're already on coffee.
401
00:17:41,931 --> 00:17:44,286
Okay, so I'm on cof--
Where are you?
402
00:17:45,550 --> 00:17:47,120
It's a secret.
403
00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:52,265
Now, tell me.
How does that make you feel?
404
00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:54,706
Like a sorority girl
in a bad slasher movie.
405
00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:55,839
Where are you?
406
00:17:57,322 --> 00:17:59,110
Let's just put it this way.
407
00:17:59,153 --> 00:18:02,772
The call is coming
from inside the house.
408
00:18:09,182 --> 00:18:11,274
Grace, you cannot be
here right now. Go home!
409
00:18:11,318 --> 00:18:12,495
- No.
- Go home!
410
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:15,286
- No. No.
- Go!
411
00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:18,512
Excuse me. Would you mind having
that crazed redhead removed?
412
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,085
Listen to me,
I'm Ricky Ricardo.
413
00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:21,957
I'll take care
of it, Mr. Ricardo.
414
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,355
No. Excuse me.
415
00:18:26,229 --> 00:18:28,671
Look, this is insane.
Let her in, please.
416
00:18:41,097 --> 00:18:43,103
Okay, what is it?
Do you need a lung?
417
00:18:43,147 --> 00:18:45,152
I have two. Pick one.
Just no more secrets.
418
00:18:45,196 --> 00:18:47,463
- Grace, I tell you everything.
- Who is K?
419
00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:49,381
I can't tell you.
420
00:18:49,425 --> 00:18:51,867
Grace, what are
you doing here?
421
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:54,482
Honey, what happened to you?
You look like an unmade bed.
422
00:18:56,488 --> 00:18:58,973
Karen, you're supposed
to be on vacation.
423
00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:01,285
Grace, I'd like you
to meet my client, K.
424
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,263
- Hey.
- Hi.
425
00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:11,094
Let me just fill you in on the
rest of my evening, you know,
426
00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:13,143
just so you don't think
I'm keeping anything from you.
427
00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:14,190
Grace: Will.
Will: Uh, on the way home--
428
00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:15,673
I bought a pretzel
from a vendor.
429
00:19:15,716 --> 00:19:17,067
I think his name was Luba.
430
00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,510
And-- and I scraped off
about half the salt.
431
00:19:19,553 --> 00:19:21,602
- Come on.
- Then, I was in the bookstore.
432
00:19:21,645 --> 00:19:23,434
And I was, uh, absentmindedly
thumbing through
433
00:19:23,477 --> 00:19:25,962
"Marilu Henner's Guide To Life."
It was in the bargain bin.
434
00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:27,575
You know, she has
been able to do
435
00:19:27,619 --> 00:19:29,406
the splits since she was five.
436
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,063
And bunions are
her personal hell.
437
00:19:31,106 --> 00:19:32,153
- I get the point.
- Then.
438
00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:33,723
When I was almost home,
439
00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:35,075
I thought I recognized
someone on the street,
440
00:19:35,118 --> 00:19:36,949
so I-- I sort of
half-waved, but then
441
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,345
it wasn't who I thought
it was, so I--
442
00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:40,307
I pretended to scratch
my ear, just so you know.
443
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:43,707
- Enough already!
- What's the deal, Grace?
444
00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,931
I mean-- So I don't
tell you about Steven.
445
00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,196
It was a stupid affair.
446
00:19:47,239 --> 00:19:49,288
I wasn't particularly
proud of it, and I--
447
00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:51,425
I knew if I told you,
I'd have to really examine it
448
00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:53,692
when I really
just wanted it to go away.
449
00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:55,828
But, Will, if I think
you're hiding something,
450
00:19:55,872 --> 00:19:57,311
I'm always gonna think
that you're hiding something
451
00:19:57,355 --> 00:19:59,448
that's much bigger
than it really is.
452
00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:00,842
Why? Why would you think that?
453
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,333
Because I don't want you to
tell me that you're gay again.
454
00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:09,300
What?
455
00:20:09,345 --> 00:20:10,957
When we were in college,
and at Christmas break
456
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,487
you told me you were gay...
457
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:15,623
everything changed.
458
00:20:17,236 --> 00:20:20,463
Of course it changed.
My whole life changed.
459
00:20:20,507 --> 00:20:21,597
So did mine.
460
00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:26,480
Look, everything worked out,
461
00:20:26,524 --> 00:20:29,532
but I guess I'm just still
waiting for you to...
462
00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:32,017
change my world
with your next big secret.
463
00:20:33,194 --> 00:20:34,851
You almost said,
"Rock my world," didn't you?
464
00:20:34,895 --> 00:20:35,853
Maybe.
465
00:20:37,642 --> 00:20:40,213
Gracie.
466
00:20:40,257 --> 00:20:42,306
Coming out of the closet
is something
467
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,269
you only do once in life.
468
00:20:44,312 --> 00:20:45,926
You know,
it's like being born
469
00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:48,716
or watching
Magic Johnson's talk show.
470
00:20:52,597 --> 00:20:55,910
I promise, no more
big surprises.
471
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:56,825
Good.
472
00:20:56,869 --> 00:20:58,788
Well, there-- there is one more
473
00:20:58,831 --> 00:20:59,878
I should-- I should
tell you about.
474
00:21:02,188 --> 00:21:02,842
I'm pregnant.
33671
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