All language subtitles for Unhung Hero

[ silence ]

[ light laughter ]

>> And it's not sore or...?

It doesn't, like, leak or
anything?

>> No. No.

>> Okay.

Okay, and is this 50
milliliters?

That's 50 milli-- so, that's
how much will be in --

[ sighs ]
Okay. Okay.

>> [ chuckles ]

>> My name's Patrick Moote.
I live in Los Angeles, and
apparently I have a small penis.

I didn't know that it was small
because no one had ever told me

that until I proposed to my
girlfriend and she said no

because of it.

>> You know those "kiss cams"
they have at sporting events?

>> Yeah, I'm sure you've seen
them.

Well, they had one at UCLA, and
you probably will cringe

watching this, but take a good
look at what happened two days

before Christmas.

>> What's going on?

Wait a minute!
This might be a little more
than a kiss.

[ cheers and applause ]

No. This --

[ crowd murmuring ]

>> Whoo-hoo-hoo!
>> "Yes" is the answer!

>> Yes!

[ crowd ohhs ]

>> Oh, my God.
>> She went running!

Sometimes we get a little
camera-shy.

I understand. It happens.

>> Ohh, painful.

Clearly not the response that he
was expecting.

Video of a proposal gone wrong
hit YouTube on Monday.

>> ♪ Hey ♪

>> I just don't understand
why you said no.

Like, that's cold-blooded.

>> I think she just was so,
like, shocked and embarrassed.

>> The guy is just left there in
shame.

>> What the hell is wrong with
you?!

>> A really embarrassing moment
for a UCLA basketball fan.

>> [ speaking native language ]

>> You must feel like
a real ass, man.

[ crowd ohhs ]
[ laughter ]

>> Aw!
>> Who do you feel sorry for
here -- her or him?

>> It's so ugly.

>> I mean, I feel bad for both
of them 'cause she probably was

shocked and didn't know what to
do in the moment.

>> I think it goes deeper than
that, much deeper than that.

>> I didn't realize that size
matters that much.

In fact, I don't think that size
matters that much.

I didn't know that you could say
no to a marriage proposal

because of...That.

I think that the men of the
world deserve an answer to this

question, and so I'm gonna find
it [breathes deeply] with this

cock-umentary.

>> ♪ Hey ♪
>> Hey!

>> Over 50% of the world's male
population feels inadequately
hung.

That means that almost two
billion men worldwide think that

their penis is too small.

>> Put it in.

[ breathing heavily ]
>> It is in.

>> But with so many size
statistics out there, where do I
fit in?

>> The school put the sizes of
all our penises up on a big

chart in the school hallway!

>> Our whole lives, we've been
fed the idea that bigger is
better.

So, I've asked a couple buddies
to help me make a film to answer

the question, "Am I too small?"

>> [ gasps ]
[ chuckling ] I'm really sorry.

>> I was in the pool!

I was in the pool!

I got to get out and see what
real people think about what
happened.

>> When I saw that and you to
get denied like that --

especially in public -- is
absolutely ridiculous.

>> Yeah, I know. That's hard.

>> That's so embarrassing, man.

>> She told me that one of the
main reasons that she didn't

think that we were right for
each was because my penis was a

little too small for her.

>> I think that sex is a very
important part of a
relationship.

Like, if you're willing to
commitment yourself to one

person, like, they better be
able to make you come.

[ laughter ]
>> How it feels -- if it's

tiny -- you know, at times, if
it's tiny, you can't feel it too
much.

If it's bigger, you like feel
it, you know?

>> You guys comfortable with
your --

>> Oh, yeah.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Very much?

Have you ever had a situation
where maybe you're too big?

>> Yes.
>> Really? What was that like?

>> It sucked 'cause she cried.

>> She cried?

>> Yeah.

>> Oh, honey, please.

It's not the ocean in the
motion.

It's about how you work it.

>> Okay.
>> And look at your lips.

Come on. Oh, please!

Hello? Pretty.

>> I know.
>> Who would not do this?

If I weren't married, I would do
him.

>> Could you love someone who
had, like, no penis at all?

>> You mean like a vagina?

>> Well -- [ chuckles ]
>> There's some pills, I
think...

>> Really?
>> ...That helps it grow.

It's called, like -- [ laughs ]
what's them pills called?

>> [ speaking indistinctly ]
>> Yeah.

>> What's it called?
Extenze.

>> Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I've heard of that.

>> Yeah. It could help you.

You should try it.

>> I'm heading home to Seattle
to see what my friends and
family think.

You know, I just go talk to some
of them and tell them what

happened and, you know, just
prove to everyone that this
isn't a problem.

I grew up on Whidbey Island,
population 58,000.

I was raised on a small farm
along with my brother, Brian,

and my loving parents.

Then my brother and I ran off to
L.A. to become comedians, but

I'm more the serious actor.

>> Darren!

>> Sorry, bro.

>> This is my home.

Let's see if mom's here.

[ dog barking ]
Hello? Hey, quiet.

Quiet, you guys.

>> Patty.
>> Hi, mom.

>> How are you?
>> Good. How are you?

>> I'm good.
>> Good to see you.

>> Good to see you, too.
>> I think that's my sweatshirt.

>> It is. You shrunk it.

Now it's mine.
>> Now it's hers.

This is everybody.

>> Hi, everybody.

Okay, you can grab hay and throw
it in the back.

That's Lexie.

>> Lexie. Oh, easy now!

Whoa, look at how big its mouth
opened.

Ah!

>> So, this proposal --
>> Mm-hmm.

>> It was filmed?

>> Uh-oh.

>> And it did end up on the
internet.

>> Oh.

>> She wasn't super thrilled
about it.

>> Well, I would ask what she
said, but I probably don't want
to know.

>> She said that -- oh, God,
this is so weird -- um, that my

penis is too small.

>> Ah!

She said that to you?

>> Yeah.
>> Ohh. Ouch.

She's obviously not who you
thought she was.
>> Right.

>> Not who I thought she was.

>> You know, I really cared
about her.

>> Mm.

Oh, sweetie, there's plenty of
people out -- there's someone
out there...

>> Yeah.
>> ...That isn't going to run
you down like this.

That's just -- that's --
[ sighs ] I'm sorry, sweetie.

>> What are you looking for?

>> I don't know, like yearbooks
or...

>> Oh, they're in this box.

>> Are they?
>> Yeah.

>> Ah! Nice.

>> Right next to the
Jose Canseco dream team card.

>> The Jose Canseco dream --
look at that.

That's a hot Canseco.

>> Yeah, it is.

>> Here are the yearbooks.

>> So full of optimism.

>> Hadn't discovered yet that my
penis was small.

>> And confidence.

Look at that face.

>> Wow.

>> Prom 2002.

>> These are all notes from my
ex-girlfriend.

>> I wonder if any of them says
anything about your wiener size.

>> Let's read one.

"I just wanted to say that I am
so sorry for the way that I

overreacted, and I'm sorry for
hurting you when I walked down

the road with Derek.

I was being a bad girlfriend.

I'm sorry a thousand times."

>> I think you need to realize
that it was just this chick.
>> Right.

>> And she just knew that it
would hurt you, and she wanted

to -- girls do that, man.

They're mean.

>> I -- yeah.
>> And don't just get wrapped up
in it...

>> I get what you're saying.

>> ...'cause you can let this
kind of stuff make you crazy.

>> Like, sure, maybe I'm
realizing that it hit a soft

spot because, yes --
>> Because your little, flaccid

penis was a soft spot?

>> You're such an asshole.

>> I'm joking. Sorry. Right.

>> Squared it up over your right
foot, straight up, follow
through.

Oh, my God, that looked like
Charles Barkley.

>> [ chuckles ]
There were several reasons why

she thought we shouldn't get
married, but one of them was --

she said that my, uh -- she said
that my penis is too small for
her.

>> [ chuckling ] She said that?

>> Yeah.
>> [ chuckles ] Uh...

Does that have any bearing on
heredity?

>> I don't know. Does it?

>> [ laughs ]
>> Well, I got to tell you I'm a
small hanger.

>> Right.
>> I probably was a little bit
amiss in not talking in more

detail with you about all these
things when you were growing up.

It was a rather embarrassing
topic to talk about.

>> It still is.

There's a lot of similarities
going on here, I know.
>> I see.

But I'll tell you what -- when
the time comes, I'm just shocked

at how adequate I do become.

>> We're at my buddy Aubrey's
house, having a little barbecue.

Got some friends from old school
hanging out.

So, I set up a camera where
people can talk about me,

candidly, you know, what they
remember about me from high

school, any stories that they
have, anything funny.

I wanted to set this up, though,
so that people felt a little
more comfortable.

I don't know if people are gonna
be as honest to my face.

>> Patrick and I had a -- his
first experience in the bedroom.

I don't remember much.

I thought we were just making
out, but apparently I took his
virginity.

>> [ laughs ]
>> So...

>> Our buddy asked one of Pat's
ex-girlfriend's, you know, "How
big is Pat?" You know?

"Is Pat small in the pants?

How big is it? How big is it?"
You know, putting-up-his-hands
kind of thing.

And she raised up one hand and
then closed it down and went
like this.

And we all died.

>> He definitely can talk a good
game.

>> I think he uses his comedy to
cover up his insecurities.

>> And so Jason Shire came up
with the term of "pickle dick."

"Patty Pickle Dick."

"Patty Whack Pickle Dick."

And it just kind of stuck with
him, and it got under his skin

really, really bad.

>> "What's up, Pickle?"
And he'd like give me this like
glare or whatever.

And I was kind of like, "Fuck
you," you know?

Like, "It's your nickname."

Are you kidding me?

Ever since this, like, it's
never -- you know, it's never

left me, the fact that, you
know, I've heard about...

>> What?
>> You might be a little small.

>> Shut the fuck up.

>> Whatever. I'm just saying.

I wasn't surprised to hear that.

>> Uh...

Okay.

>> At 10, 11, you were what we
would say is a little bit above
average height.

By the time you were 13 and 14,
you were average height, and

there's a reason for that.

You would be a guy who was maybe
a little bit more late than

average to start going through
puberty.

>> My situation occurred, and I
became very insecure about my

body and became very kind of
interested in where these

insecurities come from in men.

>> When I was a kid and you had
a P.E. class, 40, 50 guys,

they'd go into the locker room,
everybody gets naked, you put on

your jockstrap and your shorts
and your t-shirt, and you go out

and do P.E. class.

Then when you're done, you come
back, you take all that stuff

off, you take a shower, put your
clothes on, you go back to
class.

Now -- unh-unh.

A lot of kids do not see a lot
of other naked people.

>> I never did.

I would never get naked in gym
class.
>> Yeah.

The guys in football and that
kind of stuff -- they'd either

shower in their shorts, or
they'd go home and shower.

>> I would go home and shower.

>> And guys my age just go,
"What?"

>> What effect do you think that
not having that experience as a

young person nowadays has on
them?

>> I think people worry more,
actually, I would guess.

And certainly if you had half a
dozen women say something to you

and this is important enough to
you, you're probably gonna go

after the penis enlargers.

So, I think the easiest way to
go about this to keep things

straight -- because I'm a little
disorganized at times -- is to

put everything up on my bulletin
board.

Ex-ladies -- girls that I've
dated, people that would know.

[ sighs ]

All right, this is it.
[ indistinct conversations ]

Hey. Um...
Do you -- do you have a second?

>> Right now?

>> Yeah, right now.

>> All right.

Do you want to know the truth?

I mean, yeah, I would like the
truth.

>> Yeah, it could be bigger.

I mean, yeah.
>> I could be bigger?

Three...?

Like a three? Come on.

All right, well, she's obviously
pissed at me or something 'cause

scale of one to 10 -- a three?

That's ridiculous.

>> Do you remember anything
about my maybe, like, size,

in particular, like...?

>> What?!

>> If I want a real answer, I
need a professional opinion.

No more angry girlfriends.

This is the office of
Dr. Jennifer Berman.

She's actually a really famous
urologist.

If ever there was a person who
could tell me kind of where I

fit, in terms of size, she's the
one.

>> The average penile size is
anywhere between 4" and 6",

on stretch.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> That's normal.

The other thing that men are
concerned about is girth, is
width.

Was that something that she
talked about or...?

>> We really didn't get into the
specifics.

>> 'Cause it could be that she
couldn't come up with anything
better to say.

She may not have realized that
the absolute worst thing you

could probably say is that.
>> Yeah, that was pretty bad.

>> So, I'll examine you, and
either way, you need to get back
on the horse.

The more you obsess, the more
you focus, the more you

ruminate, you know, the next
thing that's gonna be happening

is that you're gonna have
trouble getting an erection.

So, let's examine.

I'll bring you back here.

Hang on one sec.

So, you guys aren't gonna be in
here when this happens, are you?
>> Nope.

>> [ chuckles ]
>> You're not gonna laugh or
anything?

>> [ chuckles ]
No, I'm laughing at them in
here, like, grooving on this.

Okay, so, guys, we're gonna have
you go out, and then I'll
examine you, okay?

>> Cool.

>> Okay, so, go ahead and --
>> We can do it -- I mean, how

should -- what's easiest?

Standing, maybe?
>> Yeah.

[ unzipping ]
>> [ clears throat ]

I mean, it's basically official.

As Dr. Berman put it, I am the
male equivalent of a girl with

an "A" cup.

Come here. Jump.

Good boy.

>> What do you think Boss
thinks?

Does Boss feel your pain?

>> He feels it. He knows.

He's got a tiny dick, too.

I've seen it.

Pathetic.

As far as I'm concerned, there's
only one thing left to do, and

that is...

Fix it.

>> Most men wish they could have
a bigger penis.

>> But until recently, there was
little a man could do to improve

on what nature had given him.

>> I say go long with Extenze!

>> And we spend almost
$5 billion a year on

penis-enhancement products.

That's more than the entire
budget for the red cross.

One of these has to work for me.

So, we're headed down to
San Diego, to meet Dr. Kaplan,

the king of the penis pumps.

>> The ladies want the guys to
have a big penis, guys want to

have a big penis, and the gay
guys want to have big penises.

Everybody wants to have a big
penis.

This is the home office.

>> Wow.
>> There's all the pumps we have
here.

But with a pump, you're bringing
blood flow into the penis.

The capillaries expand and
dilate, break down and rebuild

like bodybuilding.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> The muscle tissue does
expand, and you do get bigger
permanently.

You try to get your penis as
erect as possible.

Put it over there.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And then your penis will get
hard, and then you pump up.

And as your penis gets hard --
and this is the hand pump.

You want the penis to look
natural and create an erection,

which is slightly larger than
your natural erection.

Hold your hand out, and we'll
show you how we can get a nice
suction here.

Let's turn this way here.

Yeah, let go of this hand, and
I think -- yep.

>> Whoa.
>> Science.
>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, it's holding a suction.

Now, listen. Listen.
I'm gonna pull this off, and
you'll hear it.

[ pump pops ]
>> [ chuckles ]

>> It's a pretty large snap
here.

Women with inverted nipples or
even some of the bodybuilders

typically -- sometimes even gay
men -- typically like nipple
cylinders.

>> These are for -- I was
looking at those, like, "That is

for the tiniest penis in the
world."

>> No, no, no, no, no.

Oh. Yeah, I don't think.

>> That would be close to the
tiniest penis in the world.

>> Baby penis. I don't know.

We're going to turn on the
electric pump...

>> Okay.
>> ...See if we get get a nice
suction in here.

Gonna put it up to the maximum.

Um...My key's in.

>> All right.

>> Then we'll put these on the
nipples.

There we go! Oh, my --
>> Gah!

>> Oh, my God!
>> Ah!

>> Women with small nipples, a
lot of the bodybuilders who work

their chest -- they want their
nipples to stick out.

It should feel good. Are you?

>> Feels okay.
>> Yeah.

>> Squeeze a little juice out
there.

>> Yeah, what's with the juice?
>> I don't know.

>> [ laughs ]
Actually, that's very common.
>> Okay, good.

>> All right, there we go.
No problem.

>> [ exhales sharply ]
>> You'll live.

>> Yeah. No. It's okay.

I've never seen my nipples
balloon like that before.

>> Well, you'll be amazed when
you put the cylinder on your
penis.

It's gonna be --
>> I can imagine.

>> B-boom!

>> All right, let's...

There we go.

Stockroom.

Hi. How are you?

[ mid-tempo music playing ]

>> Are you looking
for toys or...?

>> Do you guys have, like,
enhancement kind of stuff?
>> Yeah.

Um, like, for your penis?

>> Yes.

>> Well, if you don't mind,
let's just --

>> Yeah, yeah, sure.

>> There's some stuff up here...

>> Teach me.
>> ...That might work.

[ laughs ]
>> Whoa.

>> So, okay, I guess what I
would say, just as far as, like,

making your penis look bigger
and a little bit, you know,

harder, longer...
>> Right.

>> ...Cock rings can be really
awesome for that.

>> Is that -- this is a cock
ring?

>> Yeah, these are the neoprene
ones, which is kind of rad

because they stretch.

So, if you've never used it
before --
>> Mm-hmm.

>> Have you ever used it before?
>> No, no, I didn't even know
that they had those.

>> So, these are the pumps, and
basically, you know, your penis
goes in here.

>> Right.

>> And this is the air tube and
the valve that basically pumps
it.

>> Okay.

>> What about like pills or
anything like that?

Do you know anything about those
or...?

>> I mean, I know that we have
them.

I just -- I just kind of began
working here.
>> Okay.

>> So, this is my --
>> You're not like a "sexpert"
or anything?

>> No.
>> Okay.

Yeah, this looks like a good
start.

I've got material.
>> Cool. Rad.

>> I have some money here
somewhere.

Hi.
>> Hi.

Are you with these guys?

>> With -- no, huh-unh.

I don't know who those guys are.

>> What's that?

>> It's nothing.
>> That's a fucking camera.

>> No, it's not.
>> Get the fuck out of my store.

>> Okay, I'm going.
I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

[ up-tempo music playing ]

>> Well, I can tell you
a little bit of why I wrote my
book. >> Mm-hmm.

>> I'm a tall guy.
>> Right.

>> I don't know if you noticed,
but I'm a black guy, as well.

>> Yeah, that was something I
noticed.

>> So, there are certain
stereotypes about both tall guys

and black guys.
>> Mm-hmm.

>> And growing up -- 'cause I am
who I am -- I always thought

that I was on the small side.
>> Mm-hmm.

>> I mean, I'm just basically
trying to find a technique
that -- something that'll work.

>> Well, I can tell you about
jelqing.
>> Okay.

>> It's based on the premise
that you will create micro-tears

in the inside of your penis...
>> Mm-hmm.

>> ...Sort of like you do with
muscles when you work out.

You tear the inside of your
muscles, and they grow back
bigger and stronger.

So, choose a balloon that best
represents your size.

>> Mnh.
>> I'm just kidding.

>> You don't have any smaller
ones, do you?

[ chuckles ]
>> And then what you do is you

create a tight hold on it.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> And then you slide it down
the edge, forcing the blood into

the top of the head and then
through.

For the first five days, you do
it 40 times.

And every five days, you
basically add another 40...

>> Okay.
>> ...Up until you get to 200.
>> Okay.

>> After nine days, I increased
by half an inch.
>> Wow.

>> Yeah, and then -- not until
after three months did I get up

to a full 1 3/4."
>> Mm-hmm.

>> You know, before I had a
penis enlargement, I was
insecure.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> I was hesitant to take off my
pants in front of a woman.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Now I am not.

>> So, my daily routine is
pumping and pills in the morning
and jelqing at night.

>> ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
>> The penis is just like a
muscle.

If I work it out every days, the
cells will break down and grow
to a larger size.

Last of this pack.

Plenty more to go.

Ah.

Every day, I measure my penis
length, and after the 15th day,

my penis is already an 1/8"
longer.

The initial results are
promising, but I can't just sit
around, waiting for the payoff.

I need some real professional
advice about penis size.

>> [ rapping ]
Size don't matter.
I put my size on a platter.

And I can shut that up, put a
dick in her mouth, no chatter.

Be quiet.
I'm coming to start a riot.

I want to fuck your girl.

Yeah, I got to try it,
freestyle, off the top.

You can't fuck with me.

All day, size don't matter.

Come fuck with me.

>> I proposed to a girl that I
was dating.

She said that she couldn't marry
me because she said my penis

was, like...

>> Too small?

>> A little bit.

>> Ouch!

>> Right.
>> Ouch.

>> It's not, like, broken small.

It's like --
>> I mean, is it bigger than
your fingers?

>> Yeah!
>> That's a step in a positive
direction, right?

[ chuckling ] As long as it's
bigger than your fingers.

>> Right.

>> Whoo!

>> It's a rowdy cock.

>> When anybody says that size
doesn't matter, that's guy with

small dicks that say that.

>> Always focus on the clit.

>> Focus on the clit?
>> Always focus on the clit.

>> Like, I'm so used to giving,
like, a nice rhythm, that when

there's not enough length to do
that, my rhythm is off big time.

[ laughs ]
>> If you need to compensate for

having a smaller cock, the girl
lays down on the bed, kind of in

missionary, but like this, to
the side.

And the guy -- you're like
fucking missionary -- it's like
sideways.

That's a good one.

>> What advice would you give to
a guy like me?

>> I think you should just
experiment and research all the

different types of fetishes that
are available.

I have a foot fetish, and I like
getting fucked by feet.

So, if you really like something
big, put a foot inside of your

vagina and see what that feels
like.

>> The camera has only so much
space in which we can see what's
happening.

If I got a guy who's not, you
know, above average, then it's

difficult for us to see what's
going on in there.

>> Well, it depends on the
vagina, too.

Even though my vagina is really
small, it's also very

stretchable, to where it doesn't
hurt me.

>> You don't want to feel like
a hot dog down a hallway.

>> Right, right.

>> But, for example, to
stimulate a woman's g-spot, you

are at an advantage if your
penis is small because the

g-spot is about, you know, like
2 1/2" inside a woman's vagina.

So, a long penis will go right
past it.

>> The advantage of being long
is you can put in less.

Now, if you're thick, you're
stuck, you know?

You can't tell a girl, "I'll
make it thinner for you.

>> Do you have to have a giant
dick?

>> A good tongue is more
important.

>> What chick?

Do you have a...?

>> Right here.
>> An extra one of these?

>> Oh, my God.

>> Do you, uh -- do you remember
me, from your --

>> Yeah, you know you're not
supposed to take pictures in

there, and then you're talking
to me about -- what the fuck
were you doing?

That got me in a lot of trouble.

>> We're making a documentary
about size, and I'm sorry that

you got in trouble for that.
I really am.

I mean, how can we make this
good?

>> How can we make the cameras
work in your favor instead of --

>> Put this on.

>> The dress?
>> Let everybody know.

>> If it would make you happy
and be able to bury the hatchet

here, I will wear that dress.
I swear to God.

I'll put my hair up like yours,
I'll grab these, and I will walk

around in those heels, which is
dangerous 'cause I have very
weak ankles.

Seriously.

You know, I'd feel bad if...

>> All right. It's okay.

>> Okay.
>> Thanks for apologizing.

>> It turns out her name is
Kassia.

She's got a rock band, and she's
actually pretty cool, when

you're not almost getting her
fired.

But as much as I'd like this
movie to be about her, right now

I need to stay focused on my
penis.

>> ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪

>> The porn starts taught me I
have a lot to learn about sex,

and San Francisco is the most
sexually liberated city in
America.

I need to go to a place like
that.

>> I think this will be good,
man.

>> What are you talking about?

This is ridiculous.
I look like a big, dumb idiot.

People aren't gonna take me
seriously.

I'm a giant hot dog wearing a
sign that says "Wiener Talk?"

Do you think that size matters
to women?

>> Yeah, you got to have some
girth.

>> You got to have some girth.
>> You got to have some girth.

If you go too long -- the cervix
is only so long -- you know,
you're deep, 8", pow, pow.

They say, "ow." it's over with.

>> Do you like really big --
>> Biased opinion.

>> Would you break up with a guy
if his penis was too small?
>> Yep.

>> Have you ever had a situation
with a girl where you were

either too big or too small?

>> I was too drunk once -- well,
actually, a lot of times.

>> Ah!

>> [ chuckles ]
>> Whoo!

>> Tell me when to stop, when
you think I'm at what's average.

>> That's -- that's average.
>> That's average?

>> 7 1/4."
>> Do you feel better naked?

>> Oh, yeah, everyone does.

>> Really?
>> Yeah.

>> What if I'm like a little
small, so I feel a little
insecure?

>> No, no, no, everyone should
be naked.

>> Is it a dealbreaker?

Like, if you were with a guy
who --
>> No.

>> Was too small?

>> No, but I do like a large
wiener.
>> You do?

Well, then, looks like we're a
perfect couple.

>> I like a big...

>> If a guy said that there was
something wrong with you, would

you change that to be with him?

>> No.
I would say, "Fuck you,
motherfucker!

I have my fucking bachelor's
degree!
I support your fucking ass!

And I'm not gonna do it anymore!

I am not gonna do it anymore.

>> That sounds like a really
specific --

>> Grow the fuck up!

>> Are you talking to someone in
particular right now?

[ indistinct shouting ]
Oh, my God.

Too big is bad.

>> No, no, no, too big is bad,
too small is bad.

>> Average?
>> Average is perfect.

>> What if it's a little below
average?

>> Bad.

>> Hello?
>> Hello.
>> Hi.

>> Robert Lawrence.

>> I'm Patrick.
>> Hello, Patrick.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> This is a community sex
space.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> And it's the first like it in
the nation.

>> Wow.
I mean, that's awesome.

>> And we produce various
events, as long as they have

some sort of interest about sex
or gender in them.
>> Mm-hmm.

>> Also harbor something called
the Masturbate-a-thon Gil tells.
>> Wow.

>> Masturbate-A-Thon is a group
of people getting together in a
room to masturbate.

>> Okay.

>> And they pay money to do so,
and that money goes to deserving
nonprofits.

>> In terms of what you guys do,
pretty much anything goes here,
sexually?

>> No, we don't allow people to
piss on people in this venue.

It's hard on the floors.
>> Yeah.

>> We don't allow other body
fluids that are from down there,

let's say, more discreetly, to
be put on the floors or to be

put on people because of
concerns about smell and
sanitation.

>> How do you think that size
kind of plays into an

individual's kind of
personality?

>> Believe me, there are lots of
women who would say, "Oh, God.
Thank God he isn't big."

>> Right.
>> You know?

Or "I prefer a smaller one," or,
"I really love anal sex."

The human anatomy will allow you
to put that entire thing inside
somebody.

>> Your first?

>> It's a workshop called
fisting, and you can learn how
to fist people.

Or you can use many fingers.

You can supplement using your
fingers.

You can slide fingers into
people while you're engaged in
intercourse, like so.

If I were in your pants, so to
speak, I would simply say, "You

know, I'm really good at anal
sex, I have a small dick, and I
like to lick things."

>> Do you think it matters more
for guys or girls?

>> I think it matters more for
guys.
>> You do?

>> In the gay world, yeah.

>> In the gay world?
>> A big dick is like big tits.

>> Sweet Jesus.

>> That's good.

>> That's good?
[ ding! ]

>> Honestly, having a lot of

"straight" girlfriends who have
boyfriends, they always complain

how men do not go down on them
enough.

>> Eat it.

Eat that pussy all night long.

>> If you have a small penis...
>> Yes.

>> ...Take a knife to your
throat and end it all right now.

>> That's good advice.

Robert Lawrence suggested that I
go see Annie Sprinkle.

She's a former prostitute and
porn star, not to mention a

world-famous sexpert and author.

She has some new-age sexual
techniques that could definitely
help me.

How long have you been doing
your research?

>> Well, I was a prostitute for
20 years.
>> Okay.

>> And then I got my Ph.D. in
human sexuality, so I'm a
sexologist.

And now I'm doing research in
eco-sexuality.
>> Mm-hmm.

>> You know, we could think of
the Earth as mother.

With eco-sexuals, we think Earth
is lover.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> So, we make love through the
senses.

Lay down on the Earth.

[ chuckles ]
And just kind of like...

>> Yeah, think of the Earth as
your lover.

Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

Hah, hah -- the low sounds --
ah, ah, ah.

>> Both: ah, ah.

>> And eee, eee!

>> Ah! Ah!

>> Eee!

You're a tantrica.

You are truly a sex guru.

I can see it in your eyes.

You are just...

This is so great you're on this
path 'cause you're a sexually
gifted person.

I can see that. You are.
>> Thank you.

>> You are.

>> I'm taking another one of
these -- Extenze.

>> Is that Nexium?

>> This?
>> Yeah.

>> It's Extenze.

>> [ laughs ]
>> That's it.

>> Why you laughing?

>> That is the appropriate
reaction.

>> [ laughs ]
>> It's okay.

>> Is it really?
>> Yeah, it is.

>> [ laughs ]
>> Well, that's what the
documentary is about.

>> What would you say the
average size is for a male?

During? Like that?

Ish?

>> That's depressing.

>> [ laughs ]
>> All right.

>> Uh-oh.
>> Thank you. I know. I know.

>> [ laughs ]
[ pump squeaking ]

>> It's in there.

>> I mean, promising,
potentially?

>> Hey, dude, I don't know.

Put your dick in a vacuum tube
and tell me how promising it

feels like things are.

It looks bigger right now, but
when I take it off, it

constantly just goes back to
normal.

[ sniffs ]
Sure, yes, it's promising.

This whole situation is full of
promise.

Pumping, pills, and jelqing?

It seems like the more I try,
the less results I see.

Plus, my penis is exhausted
right now.

[ rock music plays ]

Hi.
I was trying to get a little
information about your product.

Extenze.

I've been taking it for about 30
days and not really seeing any

results or changes or anything.

It doesn't make it grow by any
means?

Why did they -- why was I led to
believe that it would make it
grow, then?

It actually says, "The male
enhancement pill that can make

you larger," and it stays
"larger" in big, red letters.

But they choose not to market it
like that.

That's such garbage.

>> Here are two variants.

They're not necessarily super
long because there really is a

variant of woman coming in to
buy a dildo, going, "I don't

want it to be too long.

That bounces into my cervix --
not so fun."

Some women like that sensation.
Many women don't like it.

This, for example -- a little
longer than those -- has a

really pronounced coronal ridge.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> If there's a pretty
pronounced ridge there, this all

by itself is sort of a pleasure
maker for some women,

particularly for g-spot
stimulation.

>> You said that a lot of men
come in here now.

Is this kind of a common
problem?

>> We used to carry a suction
pump, and we had to always warn

guys away from using it too much
because you can do permanent

damage to your penis using a
pump.

Not so good, really can cause
actual scarring inside the
penis.

Some guys find that they, over
time, pump a lot and get softer

and softer and softer erections,
which is probably
counterintuitive.

For starters, the penis is not a
muscle.

>> It's not?
>> No. It's got some muscles.

But it isn't a muscle.

I mean, we call it the love
muscle, muscle of love, muscle
of whatever.

No, it's not a muscle.

>> Right.

There was another method that we
came across for enlargement

that's called jelqing.

>> What concerns me about that
kind of a procedure is that if

you pull the ligaments too much,
you'd run some risk of a rebound

effect, like a "rubber band
coming back" effect.

>> So, you'd stretch it out, and
you could possibly shrink your
penis.

>> That would be my concern.
>> That would be awful.

Apparently, I'm not the first to
find out that enlargement
products can be misleading.

In 2010, Extenze had to pay out
$6 million in a lawsuit for
false advertising.

I've tried the best methods
available in the U.S. --

pumping, pills, and jelqing.

But they were all a total bust.

But it's a big world out there.

It's time I take this journey
international.

Passport.

That's hot stuff.

Malarone -- it's malaria pills.

One piece got to have --
hawaiian shirt -- indicates

to possible thieves that I'm
traveling and probably got money
on me.

Man's obsession with his schlong
has been pretty well documented

throughout human history.

The ancient Egyptians had a god,
Osiris, with a golden wiener.

The ancient Greeks had Priapus,
a fertility god whose penis was
bigger than him.

The 2,000-year-old "Kama Sutra"
illustrated how to get the most

pleasure out of your penis.

And in Komaki, Japan, they've
had penis festivals for the last

1,500 years.

In 16th-century Europe, it was
considered cool to dangle your
dong.

But it was in 1948 when the
father of American Sexology,

Alfred Kinsey, published the
first comprehensive study of
penis size.

Since then, Kinsey's penis-size
statistics have set the
standard.

But the Kinsey Report was
self-reporting, which means that

men measured their own penises
and sent in their size.

Do I think that they were being
honest?

Probably not.

So, we're heading to Malaysia to
meet a true size expert, an

international condom maker named
Klaus Richter.

Klaus.
>> Oh, hi. You're Patrick?

>> Yes.
>> Welcome to our factory.

>> Yeah, thank you.

Thanks for having me.

>> Have a hat.

>> A hat, a gift --
Richter Rubber Technologies.

How many condoms do you make a
day?

>> A day, we make a million.

>> A million?

>> It measures the volume going
in and the pressure inside.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> And see, this is the standard
format, 55 by 55.

>> So, when I buy a condom at
the store, this is the size that
I get.

>> Depends.
If you buy it in Thailand, for
example --

>> Uh-huh.
>> Westerners have big problems
'cause the sizes are --

it's very crazy.

>> How big is below average?

>> They say Asian condoms need
to be 49 millimeter, flat width.

And actually, in Germany, we
always had a standard of 51 or
52.

African size, a little bit
bigger, is 53, 54.

>> And what about the length?

>> Okay, the length of a condom
doesn't have anything to do with

the penis size.

Because the condom is definitely
longer than the use.

>> Right, right.

>> Right?

We are the only company
definitely who make all sizes.

So, we have, altogether at the
moment, 55 different sizes...

>> 55 different sizes.

>> ...Measured over length and
width.
>> Mm-hmm.

Klaus offers to help me measure
my condom size so that I can

determine how I measure up
against the rest of the world.

>> The length -- we have to see,
okay, how long, right?

>> Say, there?

So, then we place this against
the skin.

61, which is the shortest.

>> Yeah. So, not so short.

>> No, it's not too short.

The girth?
>> Yeah, yeah, you become an
"M."

"M" is here, 49.
>> 49.

>> Asian size!

>> Koreans have, on average, the
smallest penises on the planet.

I want to see how they deal with
their small size.

But I discovered something
pretty unexpected.

Although Koreans have the
smallest dicks in the world,

they have the largest dick
statues.

On average, Korean men are the
smallest.

Is that something that Korean
women talk about?

Look at this guy.

Yeah!

Get a wide shot, soak it all in.

Hello!
>> Hello!
>> Hi.

There is so much dick in this
country, they've got to have
some answers.

Otherwise, what's with all the
dick?

I may be small, but compared to
a Korean, maybe I'm huge.

I'm going to seek some advice
from a class of Korean

university students.

I proposed marriage, and she
said no because she said that my

penis is too small.

[ laughter ]
Because I never thought about my
size, really.

I mean, I thought about it, and
I had always been like, "Man, it

would be super cool if I had,
like, a giant one.

I'm always thinking about my
penis now, and I'm thinking that

every time I've had a
relationship with a woman and it

hasn't worked, it's because
she's thinking, "Oh, his penis

is a little too small."

[ laughter ]
[ laughter ]

Get my confidence back?

Yeah?
Is that a good place to boost
your ego?

Okay. That's good advice.

>> Hey! Hey!

>> No! No!

>> [ shouting in Korean ]
>> No, no, no!

No!

No! No! No! Stop!

[ indistinct shouting ]
Hey!

[ indistinct shouting ]
Okay, so, nobody likes having

their penis secretly filmed.

And I may have broken several
laws.

So, for now, I'm gonna get out
of Korea and check out Taipei,
Taiwan.

Taipei is a city rich with
history and tradition.

Among these traditions are
several ancient methods for male
enhancement.

So, I'm going to Snake Alley,
where they trade in traditional

Chinese medicine.

Try a little bit of snake.

There's bones in it.

Ow!

Mmm.

Oh, turtles!

Whoa.

Look at those dead turtle heads.

God!

[ laughter ]

That thing's like 13" long.
Here we go.

That's not bad.
That's actually pretty good,
yeah.

Okay. Down the hatch.

It's like a cherry tomato
full of balls.

Ugh.

I have no idea, dude.

[ chuckles ]
Ugh.

After eating rooster testicles
in Snake Alley, I need a drink.

I found a bar where a local
Taiwanese girl was willing to

talk to me about size.

>> Ah. Size?
>> Uh-huh.

>> Okay.
>> The size.

>> Ah, well, I have to say, I'm
a bit shy sometimes.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

Do, like, a lot of American
guys, like, hit on you?

No?
I find that incredibly hard to
believe.

>> No, no, no.
>> Do you think they're, like,
attractive?

You don't?
You don't think American men are
attractive?

Damn it!
Who do you find the most
attractive?

Like, what kind of guys?

Like, Asian guys or...?

>> I prefer black guys.

>> You prefer black guys?
>> Yeah.

>> Do you like the bigger penis?

Is that...?
>> No.

First of all, you have to like
this person.

>> Right, right.

>> Then you will see his penis,
and it's something like a gift.

>> It's like a gift.

>> Yeah, you open your gifts,
and sometimes it's "ooh!" and

sometimes "ah."

>> [ laughs ]
>> But you still have to pretend

that it's, "wow!"
>> Right, right.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Did you know that a 500-pound
silverback gorilla has a

3-centimeter penis, whereas
humans have a 13-centimeter
penis?

[ sloop! ]
This is due to a phenomenon

biologists call sexual
selection.

Human females tend to prefer
mates with bigger penises.

So, over time, the human penis
has evolved to a size way bigger
than necessary.

[ ding! ]
And that's my problem -- no

woman will ever choose me over a
guy with a bigger dick.

It's human nature.

So, today I'm more determined
than ever to find a cure for my
problem.

I think this is it.

This is Master Tu's studio.

Hi. Master Tu?

>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. I'm Patrick.

>> Hi. How are you?

>> Thank you.
Thank you so much for meeting
with me.

What exactly is it that you guys
practice here?

And what are the benefits that
someone can get from doing these
things?

Master Tu learned the ancient
method of penis weight hanging

through his father's teachings.

By lifting weights with your
penis, you increase your body's

natural energy and penis length.

So, it actually does increase
your size?

So, if I were to try it for my
first time, it would

be just very small amount.

Like this. This size?

That's -- this is pretty --

Master Tu is gonna start me out
with a 5-pound lift, but first I
need to warm up my chi.

So, Master Tu and his assistant
take me through the process.

>> Rub. Rub. Rub.

>> Rub? Rub?

Now I slap it?

>> [ speaking Chinese ]
>> [ speaking Chinese ]

>> How I should tie it?

Okay.

Okay!

[ chuckling ] Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

[ exhales sharply ]
[ breathing deeply ]

>> Stand. Stand.

>> All the way up?

>> [ speaking Chinese ]
>> Swing?

>> Rock a little bit.

>> [ exhales sharply ]
I'm crazy.

I am crazy.

>> How's it feel?

>> Feels all right.

[ breathing deeply ]

This is actually happening.
This is really happening.

[ breathing deeply ]
>> [ speaking Chinese ]

>> Yeah. Yeah.

[ exhales sharply ]
Ah.

>> [ speaking Chinese ]
>> He said, okay, besides, the

pain down there, do you feel
like your whole body's been
re-invigorated?

>> I feel like very light, like
very, uh -- also very sweaty.

>> [ speaking Chinese ]
>> He said that's the hormones
kicking in.

>> That's the hormones kicking
in?

I can feel it working.

>> They're about ready.

[ conversing in Chinese ]

>> How much is this?
>> That's 20 kilograms.

So, it's close to 350.

>> Close to 350 pounds.

[ conversing in Chinese ]

[ applause ]
That's -- that is amazing.

That --
>> [ speaking Chinese ]

>> That is amazing.

Wow.

>> [ speaking Chinese ]
>> This guy has got to be huge.

While weight-hanging seemed
promising, that guy's junk

didn't look too great, and mine
kind of feels like a pair of old
shoelaces.

Whoa!
Hey, fucker, what are you doing?

Don't...

But there's still hope.

We're on our way to the last
country on our journey.

Papua New Guinea is one of the
most remote countries in the
world.

Several of the tribes here have
traditional virility rituals

handed down from pre-colonial
times.

Our guide is
Professor Gil Herdt, the

foremost anthropologist working
in the country.

>> There's so many different
ways in which the penis

represents power...

>> Yeah.
>> ...Represents domination,
represents...

>> Masculinity.

>> ...Masculinity.

>> Sambia will tell the story --
this is the tribe that I work

with in New Guinea.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> And I knew a lot of warriors
who really had killed, who

really had led battles.

They would say that, when
charging into battle, the

warrior who was usually the war
leader, would have an
erection...

>> Hmm.
>> ...Which symbolized his
ability to win over on his

enemy.

And if you really wanted to get
the life essence of a guy...

>> Mm-hmm.
>> ...After you attacked him and
he was dying and he was having

spasms in his body and he had an
erection, you tried to get the
semen.

And if you could take that into
your body, you got his power.

And the notion was not focused
on the size of your penis.

As far as I know, that didn't
really happen.

But it appears to be coming up
now.

>> I mean, if you go -- in a
society where you, you know,

hundreds and maybe even
thousands of years thinking that

it's not important, how do these
ideas, these seeds, get planted

in the men's head and then in
the women's head, too?

>> Handheld cellphones and
seeing porn stores with big
dicks.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> These guys sort of talking
about these penis implants,

putting things in their penis.

At first, I didn't quite believe
it, and then, the more they

talked about it, I thought --
and then I saw some photos.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> And so I said to them,
"Where's this coming from?"

And this is what I didn't
believe until they told me.

They said, "It's because our
girlfriends say we're too small.

And I said, "You've got to be
kidding."

>> So, now we're driving out to
a remote bush region.

We will meet a tribe whose
traditions date back many
centuries.

Hello. How are you? Hi!

You're friendly.

Hey, buddy.

The village spans across several
hundred acres.

Upon entering, we are met with
the traditional tribal greeting.

This is their equivalent to a
handshake.

>> [ chanting in native
language ]

>> Pat, can you do that?

>> Can I do that?

Can I make fire?

Ready? Watch this.

>> Ah!
>> Ah! Cheating.

Eh.

It's not nearly as impressive.

The tribe has been very
welcoming.

Gil tells them of my problem,
and they introduce me to their
witchdoctor.

He prepares a ritual and pleads
with the gods.

>> [ speaking native language ]

[ whooping ]

>> It seems that this ritual is
more spiritual than physical.

Apparently, most tribes care far
more about fertility than size.

But there's still a tribe that
may have the solution I'm

looking for.

We meet up with the Sambia
people.

These are Gil's friends for
several decades, and they claim

that enlargements are common in
this region.

>> When he was a boy, he fell
down from a tree.

He was about 5.

>> 5 years old.

>> And he fell on his scrotum
and spliced his scrotum open.

And they're all laughing and
laughing and laughing.

And I was the medical assistant
to this area at the time.

So, I slung him up over my
shoulder, and I carried him down

the mountain.

And I had blood all over my
body, from your balls.

>> Wow.

[ laughter ]
>> Right. That's my story.

The Sambia people welcome me to
their neighborhood.

>> And then do this.

Bam!
[ laughter ]
Then we head to the market to

seek out enlargement prospects.

[ conversing in native
language ]

>> You explain to him.

Him Patrick.

You can talk Sambia on Patrick.

>> This is the number you want.

>> Oh, for the --
>> Yes.

>> Really?

>> Extend.

>> For the big -- yeah, the --

And when you do the procedure,
the needle -- how many times do
you put it -- do you put it in

once, put all the oil in, or do
you have to go into different

areas of the penis?

I don't like needles, so...

>> 10 shots.
>> 10 shots.

>> That's 50 mils.

>> 50 mils, 10 shots.

>> One 5 milliliter, 10, 15, 20,
25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, two in
the middle.

>> From the men that you've
done, does it appear to be a

painful procedure, or is it
fairly painless?

And it's safe.

It's a safe procedure.

And it's not sore or...?

And it doesn't, like, leak or
anything?

>> No. No.

>> Okay.

Were you nervous when you...?

Mm-hmm.

Just a little bit of blood?

Can you put it in the syringe
just so I can see how much?

And that's -- so, 10 of those?

>> You don't have to do it if
you don't feel comfortable, man.

>> It's...

[ sighs ]
Okay.

So, how -- should I stand --
stand up?

I'm so scared right now.

Ohh.

Okay, uh...

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ah, okay. Hang on.

[ sighs ]
Mnh. I feel a little...

I feel a little...

>> Go get some fresh air.

>> Okay. Hang on.

Just one -- yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Okay.

[ clears throat ]
[ exhales sharply ]

Definitely...

Dude, would you do this?

Should I do this?

Is this fucking crazy?

I'm afraid to eat the fucking
food here.

I'm not gonna let that guy stick
a needle in my penis.

I'm not doing it.

Just give him the money and tell
him that I can't do it.

>> Don't worry.
>> Okay. Okay.

I feel like...

When I was staring down at that
needle, I realized just how

desperately I want this
enlargement.

This is something I have to do.

But I have to do it a smart way,
a safe way.

So, I'm headed back to Korea.

Apparently, it's the
plastic-surgery capital of the
world.

[ rock music plays ]

So, not only does Korea
have the smallest penises
in the world.

They also have the most plastic
surgery that goes down.

So, we've come to this area.

This particular district has the
most plastic-surgery centers in
all the world.

>> ♪ I got second thoughts about
thinking twice tonight ♪

>> That's what we're hoping.

Holy grail.

Hi.

I'm here to see Dr. Lee.

Yeah.

>> Don't worry.
>> Okay.

>> [ laughs ]

>> Right, right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

>> [ speaking Korean ]

>> Dr. Lee explains that his
surgery is done in two ways.

One is by harvesting a section
of skin and fat from a dead body

and elongating the penis with
the extra flesh.

The other and more popular
procedure involves harvesting

fat from the patient's abdomen
and inserting it under the skin

of the penis shaft, thus adding
several centimeters of girth and

a very natural appearance.

Dr. Lee invented this procedure,
and it's become the industry
standard.

It's considered to be very safe
and effective.

Dr. Lee invites me to meet one
of his current patients.

>> [ laughs ]
>> Hi. Hi.

>> Good morning.

>> Good morning. Good morning.

>> [ speaking Korean ]
>> [ chuckles ]

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

>> [ laughs ]
>> Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you.

I mean, it was pretty big.

I mean, if he was really small
enough to come in and consider

having this procedure done --
I mean, what I saw was, you

know, pretty girthy-looking.

[ phone line ringing ]
>> Yes?

>> What up, man? It's Pat.

Uh, nothing, dude.

I went and met this doctor, the,
like, penis-enlargement guy.

He's like the most famous penis
doctor in the world, and he like

developed this procedure.

He did it.
It's his -- like, from his
brain, he made it up.

>> [ chanting in native
language ]

>> I feel like if maybe I can
see how the procedure is done,

it'll kind of settle my fears a
little bit, you know, if I know

what, you know, I'm actually
getting my dick into.

But, I mean, he said it's
like -- you know, there's

literally no pain.

You recover in like a day.

So, I mean, it can't be that
bad.

>> Have you see before --
operation?

>> Mnh-mnh.
>> No?

>> Mnh-mnh.
>> First time?

>> Mm-hmm.
>> For the experience?

>> Mnh-mnh.

[ vomits ]
>> [ coughing ]

>> Dude, here. Here.

>> [ sniffs ]

No. No way.

You ever have one of those
moments where you just step

outside yourself and kind of
take a look at what you're doing

and realize that you're just not
being yourself anymore?

And honestly, I don't really
know what I'm doing here
anymore.

I don't understand what it's
about.

Everything we do isn't working.

I'm making a complete fool of
myself in front of the entire
world.

Who's gonna want to be with me
after seeing this film?

I look like an insecure,
narcissistic freak with a tiny
dick.

>> It's your movie!
>> Yeah, if you didn't see this
coming from a mile away, then

you're oblivious, man.

>> Hey, Patty.

How are you doing?

>> Um...

I've been having second thoughts
about the film.

It's just a little intense.

So, I told everybody that I'm
done.

>> You're asking a question of
male identity that is beyond

just you.

It's a big question.

So I understand it would be
confusing at a certain point.

But I still don't understand why
you would get this far and then
quit.

>> I don't know what I'm doing.

It's harder than I thought it
was gonna be, I guess.

>> It's all hard, Patty, you
know?

I don't want to bring up the old
history, but you walked out of

two S.A.T.S.

You wanted to quit basketball.

Did you quit? I can't remember.

You did.

I would have given you totally
different advice three months

ago, but now I feel like you've
really grown from the experience

and asking the questions.

And, you know, in growth, there
is pain, and it's painful right

now, but just keep growing.

Don't give up.

>> Why does size matter so much?

And where does this obsession
come from?

And how can you help people who
feel insecure about it?

There's no good way for me to
get a bigger dick, but maybe I

can find a way to live with the
one I've got.

In New York, there's a man that
I'm terrified to meet.

His name is Jonah Falcon, and he
has the world's biggest penis.

As far as you know, is yours
like the biggest?

>> As far as I know.

It was measured on camera
13 1/2."

Without using a ruler, I go from
here to here, and I'm at this
thickness.

>> How has having a penis that
large changed your life?

>> Well, I was 8" when I was 10,
so it's sort of like normalcy
for me, you know?

>> Right.
>> The only thing that changes
is people's reaction to me.

>> Mm-hmm.
>> You know?

So, it makes sex easier.
It doesn't make relationships
easier.

You know, I've had
relationships, but none of them

have really lasted more than,
say, eight months.

>> Why do you think that is?

>> I mean, people tend not to
think of me in that sort of way,
you know?

They tend to think of me as more
of a, you know, "Let's see what
he's like."

>> So, it's more of like a
curiosity, fascination.

>> Basically, yeah.
>> Right.

>> I mean, I've had one partner
say, "I don't love you.

I just want you to fuck me."

>> Mm-hmm.
>> You know?

Which is really a -- that's
really a bullet to my heart

because --
>> Right.

>> You know, I think that
there's something deeper, but

apparently it's -- you know,
where I think it's here, they

think it's here, in terms of
depth.

>> I mean, I hear you.

I mean, like, I haven't really
had very many substantial

relationships, and it is fairly
obvious now that I am probably

maybe a little below what is
average.

>> Believe it or not, I have
been broached by this topic by

other guys, as well, and one of
my favorites is, "Man, if I had

what you had --"
and my answer is, "What?

What would you do?

What would be different?

It would be you plus a few extra
inches, but guess what.

You're still you.

And people are gonna like you
either way."

>> It started as "Pickle."
>> Mm-hmm.

>> And that pissed me off, and I
felt it immediately.

Like, the high school rage came
back.

>> Why are you doing this
documentary?

>> I don't know.
>> [ laughs ]
>> I don't know.

>> It sounds like a really
unpleasant experience.

>> It hasn't been great.

I'll tell you that much.

And that kind of started this
whole project.

I'm now under the impression
that probably I'm like a little

below average.

>> Half of everyone is.

>> Right. Right. Um --
>> And "too small" is relative.

>> "Too small" is relative?

>> Too small for her.

>> Right.
>> We've passed this point where
the male body, once upon a time,

was not subject to a critical
gaze.

And now it is.
And now men's genitals are a
subject of scrutiny and debate

and, you know, thumbs up or
thumbs down, in a way that they

didn't used to be, and in the
way that tits always were.

She had good tits.
She has bad tits.

She has big tits.
She has a nice rack.
She doesn't have a nice rack.

>> Where do you think these kind
of ideas are coming from?

>> Well, we live in a porn-ified
culture.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Porn is a skewed sample.

People aren't seeing a
representative sample of
penises anywhere.

All they're seeing is porn
penises.

>> Well, the first penis I ever
saw looked like it had crashed

landed on this planet.

>> [ laughs ]
>> And it, you know, thoughts
and feelings.

>> And, you know, I've been with
guys who have that penis.

And it's not fun.

>> I think guys have this idea
that when they're not around,

women are constantly talking
about their penises.

>> The size of their penises.

I think pop culture gives guys
that idea.

I'm a fag, and I hang out with
women when there aren't straight
guys around.

And it almost never comes up.

You know, there's one famous
study that showed that women --

the long-term partners of men
with small penises reported

higher levels of sexual
satisfaction than long-term

partners of men with
above-average penises...
>> Hmm.

>> ...Because the guys with
smaller penises didn't just rely

on their magic dicks to get
their girlfriends off,
necessarily.

>> Right.
>> They felt like they had to go
the -- make some extra effort.

You had to know how to have sex.

I was with a guy who had a small
dick, who wouldn't shut up about
it.

I didn't care about the size of
his dick.
I really didn't.

But listening to him complain
about his dick and project his

insecurities onto me all the
time was emotionally exhausting.

I was fine with his dick.

I wasn't fine with his
assumption that I wasn't fine

with his dick, and eventually it
contributed to our breakup.

Somebody with a below-average
dick isn't gonna satisfy

somebody who's a cock-hound or
a size queen, and so what?

You just don't, then, marry a
size queen.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> You have to find somebody who
like your junk and it works for
them and run off together.

>> Right.
>> That's what everybody has
to do.

You have to find somebody who
likes everything you bring to
the table.

>> The only way that I can move
on is to find somebody who likes

everything that I bring to the
table.

I need to get back on the horse.

So, I've decided to ask Kassia
out on a date.

She's the girl from the sex
shop.

[ rock music playing ]

>> ♪ My heart beats ♪
♪ My heart is feeling love ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My heart beats stronger ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My heart is feeling love ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My heart beats stronger ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My heart is feeling love ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My love beats stronger ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My heart is feeling love ♪
♪ My heart beats ♪

♪ My love beats stronger ♪
♪ And what are we doing? ♪

♪ Where have we been? ♪
♪ No, no ♪

♪ A stupid bad chat ♪
♪ Two on the floor ♪

♪ And was that the night... ♪

>> All right, so, what
about tonight?

Did you have a good time
tonight?

>> Yeah.

>> Is that for real? You did?

>> Yeah. I did.

I mean, I'm still having the
time.

>> Still having the time?

>> Yeah. I'll get back to you.

>> Get back to me after it's
over?

What about me?
What do you think about me?

Am I just a weirdo?

>> It's all about you.

>> [ laughs ]
>> It seems like you're awesome.

I just feel like you are a
little obsessed with this whole
thing.

>> [ sighs ]
Do I seem obsessed?

Is that kind of how I come off?

>> [ laughs ] Um --
>> As I hold a camera in your
face?

>> Yes.
>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, it's weird.

I don't understand, like --
there's so much more going on,

I feel.

>> Like --
>> If you want to have a

relationship, if you want to be
intimate, if any of that
matters.

I mean, I don't know how men
feel.

It's so not all about your dick.

>> Hmm.

>> If you guys care, P.S., if
this ever makes it, it's not all

about your dick.

>> Uh-oh. Your turn?

>> Yeah.

>> [ sighs ]
I like it on the other side of
the camera.

It's a lot less --
>> It's better, huh?

>> Yeah, it's way better.

Whatever it is you need, needs
to happen before I feel like we

could even go get a drink
without you thinking about it.

>> I thought I could fix my
problem, but maybe I am the
problem.

I have the honor of bringing up
your next comedian.

Please make some noise for my
good buddy Patrick Moote,

everybody, Patrick Moote!

[ cheers and applause ]

>> Andrew Sleighter, everybody.
Give it up.

So, Andrew told you guys I just
got back.

Whoo! Back!

[ cheers and applause ]
Thank you, guys.

It was pretty cool.

I got to go around the world,
see some stuff...

In order to make my penis
bigger.

[ laughter ]
and in Taiwan, there's a group
of people.

They're these martial artists,
and they tie up their whole

situation with a rope, and then
they hang weights, which, in

Taiwan, is probably cool.

24 hour fitness?

Oh, not so much.

[ laughter ]
Plus, it's like fucking

impossible to find a spotter.

You're like, "Hey, you want to
spot me, bro?"

[ laughter ]
"My dick? Down there?"

You know? It's been --
this whole thing that I've been

doing has been crazy.

It's been weird, and it's been
awesome.

But the thing that I realized
the most is that, you know, it's

not about the insecurities that
you have, you know?

You got to find somebody who's
right for you.

>> It's not all about the penis.

>> I think they're all
beautiful, just like I think all

trees are beautiful, in their
own way.

>> It's what it is, and it's
fabulous.

It's got nerve endings.

It's your friend.

[ rock music plays ]

>> My penis took me to places
I never thought I would see.

It made me do things I never
dreamt I would do.
>> Hey!

>> And along the way, I met some
really great people.

>> [ laughs ]
>> [ laughs ]

>> [ laughs ]
>> Bye!

>> Yeah. Bye.

>> Ah!

>> [ chuckles ]

I started this journey with
a question -- does size matter?

And it did -- to me.

But you know what?

It doesn't anymore.

>> Ha!

>> Ah! Ah!

>> [ chanting in native
language ]

>> I think the biggest thing,
the whole thing that I've

learned throughout this entire
journey, is that, just be cool

with yourself, you know?

Just be good with yourself.

Don't worry about it.

[ cheers and applause ]
The average depth of the female

vagina is 3.2."

The average length of the male
penis is 4.4."

So, what's the problem?

>> Man, you got plenty of people
in your life that really care

about you, and, you know,
there's fucking millions of

girls out there, bro, all right?

Take it easy.

>> Thanks a lot!

It's been good.
My name is Patrick Moote.

[ cheers and applause ]
>> Patrick Moote, everybody!
[ chuckles ]

>> So, I guess that's about it.

I think I can safely say that,
at this point, I am sick of

talking about my dick.

And I'm pretty sure that you're
all sick of hearing about it, so

I will shut up about my dick and
talk about this young lady...

>> [ chuckles ]
>> ...Who is awesome.

>> Mm. Super.

>> ...And amazing, kind of
pretty...

>> Mm-hmm.
>> ...Great attitude, like --
>> Why are you being so weird?

>> I'm not being weird.

I'm just telling you that I
think you're great.

>> You're not gonna propose to
me, are you?

>> What? Is that --
[ laughs ] Come on!

>> ♪ 'Cause everything moves
Everything pulses ♪

♪ Everything lies in the eyes
of you ♪

♪ Everything moves
Everything pulses ♪

♪ Everything lies in the eyes
of you ♪

♪ Everything lies in the eyes
of you ♪

♪ In the eyes of you
In the eyes of you ♪

♪ Ramble on, chug along
And if the beat stops thumping

♪ Then something's wrong
Ignore it, son ♪

♪ It's just a song
But I can see your ♪

♪ White-knuckled hand from
holding on ♪

♪ So lately I wonder why we rely
on the sure thing ♪

♪ It's too damn comforting
To stay alive, overdrive ♪

♪ Till we find something new
To keep the pulse alive ♪

♪ In you
So many angles ♪

♪ So many lines
So many ways to see the ♪

♪ Sunrise
Cause everything moves ♪

♪ Everything pulses
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything moves ♪

♪ Everything pulses
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
In the eyes of you ♪

♪ In the eyes of you
Even though I don't know ♪

♪ Quite what to do
The time will show what we ♪

♪ Know is hardly ever true
I'd rather have then never ♪

♪ Had the spinning room
The feeling that I moved ♪

♪ No more standing
still at your will, but you can
try until you ♪

♪ See the motion's moving you
'Cause everything moves ♪

♪ Everything pulses
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything moves ♪

♪ Everything pulses
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Everything lies in the eyes ♪

♪ Of you
Eyes of you ♪

♪ In the eyes of you
In the eyes of you ♪

♪ In the eyes of you ♪