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It's time for RiffTrax!
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RiffTrax!
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[Mike] What? Hal Roach??
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[Kevin] At last! The Little Rascals versus Laurel and Hardy in space!
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♪♪♪
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[Bill] Whoo! I hope I brought enough quarters to get the high score on this movie.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Well, everything I know about space I learned from old Star Treks.
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So, I'm guessing this planet is populated by aliens who look just like humans.
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And they're being forced to recite Shakespeare monologues,
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by a robot that knows about Shakespeare for some reason. (Kevin laughs)
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[Bill] Sounds about right.
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Hey! Christopher Lee's here!
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[Bill] He must have heard Mike mention "space"
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and "Shakespeare" in the same sentence.
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That's like raw catnip for Chistopher Lee.
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[Mike] Neil DeGrasse Tyson just tweeted
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that these names are scientifically implausible.
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♪♪♪ [Kevin] Okay Starship Invasions.
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Stop looking at all the planets, and just pick one to starship invade.
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[Bill] Honestly they are taking longer than my kids trying to choose
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something on the Cheesecake Factory menu.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪
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[Mike] Warren Keillor. Host of Neptunian Home Companion.
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[Bill] Heard he can't keep his hands off the moon.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Oh! And if it isn't my cousins Earl and Norman!
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[Kevin] Never cared for them much. Ha ha! I'm kidding! They're wonderful!
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[Bill] Jiminy.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Written and directed by the same guy. This always goes well for us.
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[Kevin] Ha. Oh boy
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Uh, and then earth drowned and became the sun.
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There. That ought to be enough to found a world religion.
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[Bill] Great. We had our chance to prevent Boston from happening and we blew it!
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Mike] It's Richard Farnsworth from The Straight Story!
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[Kevin] Yep. After that ended he just kept riding
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his tractors through other movies like the energizer bunny. But with more gravitas.
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[Bill] More than the energizer bunny? That doesn't seem likely.
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♪♪♪
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[Bill] Oh here comes Farmer Johnson and his fancy new flying
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disc tractor. Hey Johnson! we see and we're all very impressed.
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Well. Time for my daily cry.
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[Bill] Gotta say I admire this chill approach to starship invading.
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[Mike] Yeah. No need to make a big fuss. Or blow up The White House.
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Just kind of show up and find a place to park.
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[Kevin] Lucrative corn subsidies. Ha ha.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Bill] Oh! It's the boys! They're back in town! Spread the word around!
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[Mike] There was booze in my tractor!
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(buzzing sound)
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♪♪♪
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[Bill] Well, great.
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Looks like some dang alien got me mixed up with the dang president again!
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[Mike] He ain't the president. He's just my dumb husband!
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[Bill] Yes Velma, I'm gonna tell them!
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] Sorry. Guess we could have parked a little closer. Ha ha.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Bill] Hi. We're chess pawns and we're very lost.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Don't laugh at their hats! Don't laugh at their hats!
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♪♪♪
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[Kevin] And. He's convinced.
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[Bill] Easiest time share sales presentation ever.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Oh. He doesn't have TSA pre-check. This could take a while.
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[Kevin] And, you don't want to know where this one goes.
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(buzzing noise)
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[Bill] Mind scan shows nothing except an endless
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loop of the time he saw a raccoon steal a pie.
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[Mike] Look at that crazy raccoon! He loves it!
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[Kevin] We're a Far Side cartoon, aren't we?
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♪♪♪ [Bill] The aliens realize pretty quickly
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weren't gonna much about human civilization from this guy.
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[Mike] Yep. They're in the next room interviewing the tractor.
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♪♪♪
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Hello Rudy.
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[Kevin] I have a message to you Rudy.
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[Bill] Yeah. But behind those arms are a couple of Marvin the Martian faces.
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Gosh Mrs. Robingarblacks! I reckon you're trying to seduce me!
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♪♪♪ [Kevin] At this point, the farmer knows he's in
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step two of a corny old joke but he just doesn't care.
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[Bill] Hey hey! Ho ho!
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♪♪♪
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[Bill] Aliens invented the duck faced Instagram selfie. Used it to conquer earth.
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♪♪♪
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[Mike] Oh. Guess that farmersonly.com profile worked after all.
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Rudy, what you're trying to me is that they took
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you into this flying saucer, and they shined
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a light on you, and put you in a room with a naked woman?
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[Kevin] And that's your defense against these harassment allegations?
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Well we did what we're supposed to do, when in a room alone with a naked lady.
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[Mike] We watched Hee Haw!
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Are you telling me that you had sexual intercourse with this woman?
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I sure did.
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[Mike] And also with those chickens you just heard.
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Must have been some kind of a dream Rudy.
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No no.
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That wasn't a dream. I swear.
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[Kevin] This is how it goes anytime I tell someone I've had sex.
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(laughing) You're going crazy! Ha ha ha!
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[Bill] Oh Kevin.
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[Kevin] Yeah.
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UFO's really exist, why don't the beings that control them, reveal themselves to us?
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[Bill] Sorry could you repeat that?
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I got distracted thinking about this horny farmer I know.
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Wise enough to know that extensive contact with us could be harmful.
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I mean civilizations are individuals.
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Need a belief in their own in their own importance.
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Or else they shrivel up and die.
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[Mike] Also Robert Vaughn's career plan!
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What do you mean by that?
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Well what I mean is, that uh, nothing is more damaging to one's self esteem than.
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[Kevin] Sitting at a small table with budget Frazier Crane.
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Do you think we should continue with the study of UFOs?
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I think that the most important scientific problem that we faced in the first
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third of the 20th century, was relativity.
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And the second third, nuclear physics.
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[Bill] Okay I'll take your word for it.
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Whether we like it or not, the most important
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scientific problem we're going to face, in the last
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third of the century, is the explanation of UFOs.
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[Mike] If this glossy magazine I got from a rack right next
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to Golf Digest can't explain UFOS, then dammit what can?
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(phone rings)
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[Kevin] Maybe it's Art Bell!
Hello?
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Are you the professor I've seen on TV?
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Yes.
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[Bill] Yes. I'm the only professor that's ever been on TV.
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Now what's this about?
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What exactly is on your mind?
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Suppose I told you I was taken into a UFO.
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Would you think I'm crazy?
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[Mike] Or be confused about my nationality?
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No. You're the fifth person today that called to say they saw a UFO.
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Could you give me a few more details about what happened?
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[Kevin] And tell me slow. Maybe put on some music.
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You have seen a UFO. You're not alone.
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I've interviewed airline pilots.
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Scientists, policemen.
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[Bill] All the big boy jobs.
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Military pilots have all seen UFOs.
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Some have even photographed them.
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[Mike] Anyway, looks like your septic tank's backing up huh?
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[Kevin] Well. We're gonna need even more collar!
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You know?
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The way the sheriff treated me, I began to think I imagined the whole thing.
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But it was just real.
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[Bill] I really did lose my virginity before that senior year.
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Active by imagining things.
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That's radioactive?
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Don't worry. It won't hurt you.
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[Mike] Because your brains and insides have already been
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turned into mush by decades of talk radio and Hungry Man dinners.
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I've seen six others.
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Just like this?
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Very similar.
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All slightly radioactive, and ground was completely dehydrated.
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[Kevin] And the victim was always some hideous yokel. I mean!
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I'm glad you told me all those things
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(indistinct) Not get crazy.
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Don't worry, you're not crazy.
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[Bill] You're not crazy at all. This is love it's real! And I feel it too!
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Never has a UFO tried so hard to be seen.
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[Bill] Yoo hoo!
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[Kevin] I'm Christopher Lee. And yes, this is what I'm wearing.
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Until now, only Segnek and I have known the true purpose of our mission.
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[Bill] To get fat lonely farmers all horned up.
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Is in a very dangerous phase.
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And may explode at any moment.
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This, monitors the condition of our planet's sun.
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[Mike] These product launches have gotten so weird since Steve Jobs died.
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Our sun will have become a super nova.
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And exploded.
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[Kevin] Nuts! I hate it when my planet explodes.
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A massive migration has therefore been planned. and will go into effect
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when we find and capture the proper planet, on which to relocate.
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[Bill] They stand very still while they listen to audio books.
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Hiding behind this planet's moon.
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While we complete our work here.
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This planet called earth by its present inhabitants, seems well suited to our purpose.
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[Mike] Our research suggests the girls of this earth are easy.
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Another subject for study.
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We need to examine a member of the opposite sex.
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We need a human female.
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[Kevin] For our company softball team. It's league requirement now.
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Mom? Are there rattlesnakes out there?
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Mm hmm.
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Then can I buy a gun?
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No Billy. Just stay in the car. You'll be alright.
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Okay?
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[Bill] Then you can buy all the guns you want when we get there, I promise.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ (Kevin humming)
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Intercept the vehicle containing the female.
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[Mike] He found the one vehicle in all the world containing a female. Lucky break.
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[Bill] Rare.
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Intercept. What about the man and the child?
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We will use all three.
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[Kevin] It will be a hearty stew.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Bill] Look honey! The Vince Guaraldi Trio is performing above us. ♪♪♪
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What's that?
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♪♪♪ Looks like a flying saucer.
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Oh boy! A real flying saucer!
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Oh my god! We're the only car on this whole road!
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[Mike] Those reactions went from mild, to medium to spicy.
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Set us down.
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What are you doing? Why are you stopping the car?
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What do you mean?
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[Kevin] Really? Doesn't show at all.
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We're not gonna run. We're just gonna stay right here.
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Be safer in here. Now lock the doors.
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Lock the door Billy! ♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ (indistinct)
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[Bill] Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.
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♪♪♪
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♪♪♪ [Mike] I don't think they see us.
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(buzzing noise)
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[Kevin] Okay! Topped off your wiper fluid. Have a good one!
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♪♪♪
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You are feeling very tired.
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The only sound you are aware of is the sound of my voice.
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[Bill] 420?
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You hear nothing but the sound of my voice. You will come with us.
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Now.
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[Mike] You will bring your eight tracks of Bread.
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[Kevin] Whoa!
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You will feel no pain.
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You feel nothing.
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Nothing at all.
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[Bill] So it'll be just like with your husband. Am I right?? Ha ha! Oh comedy.
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(Kevin laughs)
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Have you removed the necessary fluids from the female?
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[Mike] I don't want them or anything. I'm just curious. (Bill laughs)
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She's struggling to speak.
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Let her speak.
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♪♪♪ I'm the one who (indistinct).
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I know what you're going to do.
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[Kevin] You're going to make me wear one of your stupid snake logo turtlenecks.
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Why? Why are you going to kill us?
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Enough!
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[Bill] And why didn't the farmer have to strip down to bra and panties?
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00:14:58,590 --> 00:15:00,470
Going to kill us.
249
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:02,640
(buzzing noise)
250
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:05,630
[Mike] Ugh. These movie auditions are as creepy as they say.
251
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:09,620
♪♪♪
252
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,000
[Kevin] Dear. I'm leaving you for the syringe.
253
00:15:13,020 --> 00:15:17,340
♪♪♪
254
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,740
What are we doing stopped here?
255
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,560
I don't know. You were driving.
256
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:26,240
[Bill] Well you probably forgot to turn on the "don't abduct us" lights again.
257
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:29,760
I'm hungry.
258
00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:32,370
Look at that!
259
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:36,230
[Mike] It happens every time you show affection for our son. So cut it out.
260
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:45,380
[Kevin] Signed headshot from Robert Vaughn? Who would want this?
261
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:51,150
♪♪♪
262
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:54,290
♪♪♪ [Bill] Well done Ansel Adams.
263
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:59,870
♪♪♪ This planet is so perfectly suited to our race.
264
00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:02,850
It is not an accident.
265
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:05,520
The examination of the man's sperm cells.
266
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,270
[Bill] Yeah.
267
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:08,860
Proves that our religious doctrines about
268
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,170
the origins of our race are completely false.
269
00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:15,210
[Mike] That it some seriously heretical sperm.
270
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:23,290
If we are to survive, we must exterminate our own parent race.
271
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,250
[Kevin] Wow. Hey, can we get that guy
272
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:29,270
to jack it into a cup and take down scientology too?
273
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:37,570
♪♪♪ [Bill] That bull has pulled the old rubber udder trick for the last time.
274
00:16:37,590 --> 00:16:44,100
♪♪♪
275
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,830
♪♪♪
276
00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:49,990
[Mike] He just learned that Osh Kosh is discontinuing his favorite model of overalls.
277
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,220
[Kevin] Bagosh.
278
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,530
♪♪♪
279
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,820
[Kevin] Elmer Fudd was not prepared for the ennui
280
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,060
when he finally killed the wabbit.
281
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,290
(buzzing noise)
282
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:09,640
[Bill] Ease up on the drama, man. It's only been ten minutes since you texted her.
283
00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:16,510
(buzzing noise)
284
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:21,430
[Mike] Well, at least we all had to imagine his semen before he died.
285
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:22,730
[Bill] Oh, god.
286
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,540
[Kevin] Ugh.
287
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,660
♪♪♪
288
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:31,740
[Kevin] Housekeeping! Here to surgically adhere your sheets to the bed corners. ♪♪♪
289
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:38,520
[Bill] They didn't leave a tip. ♪♪♪
290
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:43,080
♪♪♪ Prepare to alter the electromagnetic force field.
291
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,060
[Mike] And if you see Aqua Lad, shoot to kill.
292
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,870
♪♪♪
293
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:53,650
(splashing) (Kevin making bubble noises) Take us to your leader!
294
00:17:53,670 --> 00:17:57,570
♪♪♪
295
00:17:57,590 --> 00:18:01,550
The intergalactic league of races maintains a base at the bottom of this ocean.
296
00:18:01,570 --> 00:18:05,980
[Bill] They were priced out of their Manhattan office.
297
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:10,130
♪♪♪ If the League discovers our true purpose here, they will try to stop us.
298
00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:15,160
However, if we are to survive, we cannot allow the league,
299
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:18,630
or anyone else, to interfere with our purpose.
300
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:21,870
[Mike] Hmm. Quoting from the New England Patriots ethics handbook.
301
00:18:21,890 --> 00:18:25,280
(Kevin laughs) ♪♪♪
302
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:30,270
♪♪♪ Prepare to alter pressure fields to normal atmosphere.
303
00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:31,710
[Kevin] Okay I'll just.
304
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,940
Synchronize and resist this.
305
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,260
[Kevin] Yeah, I'm still.
306
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,790
Prepare to alter cabin pressure for normal atmosphere.
307
00:18:36,810 --> 00:18:38,230
[Kevin] Yeah, but you said I had to?
308
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,850
Synchronize all base fields.
309
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,750
[Kevin] Look, can I do one task at a time please?
310
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:45,030
Force fields ready for entry Captain.
Decrease speed.
311
00:18:45,050 --> 00:18:48,080
Engage all force fields to begin entry.
312
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,560
[Bill] This is how baby pyramids are made.
313
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:54,510
♪♪♪
314
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:58,370
♪♪♪ Disengage all force fields.
315
00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:00,500
Activate stationary systems.
316
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,340
Systems activated captain.
317
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,910
[Mike] The off brand roomba is ready.
318
00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:12,920
Remain in the ship until you hear from me.
319
00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,400
All peace to you galactic brother.
320
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:19,880
I am derbal. A model 1240Z android.
321
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:22,530
[Kevin] I loved you as Count Dooku.
322
00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:23,960
I am Ramses.
323
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:25,360
From the planet Alpha in Orion.
324
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:27,180
If you will kindly follow me.
325
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,830
Captain Ramses, I will take you to the base commander for clearance.
326
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:36,640
[Bill] Exterminate!!! Sorry. Just saw a mouse. Need to call the exterminator!!
327
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:40,540
Assigned for scientific study.
328
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,900
That must be very interesting work.
329
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:48,370
[Mike] I recently had a small talk module installed.
330
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,840
The pulsating lights you see are the result of shifting
331
00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:53,810
our magnetic force field from positive to negative.
332
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,730
Without this protection, the tremendous
333
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:59,250
pressure of the ocean would crush us immediately.
334
00:19:59,270 --> 00:20:02,110
[Kevin] (laughs) Sebastian left that part out of Under The Sea.
335
00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:05,280
This is Captain Ramses...
336
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:09,440
Captain Ramses this is doc, our base commander.
337
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:11,900
All peace to you galactic brother.
338
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,110
[Bill] Mmm. Sudden urge to play ping pong.
339
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,460
Captain Ramses what brings you to the earth?
340
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,060
We are on a deep space expedition.
341
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,290
You are free to explore but you must not contact any earth people.
342
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:27,620
As you know, the earth and its inhabitants are protected by the galactic treaty.
343
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,760
[Mike] And if there's one thing earthlings are known for, it's honoring treaties.
344
00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:33,660
Peace be with you.
345
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,470
If there is anything you need, one of the androids will assist you.
346
00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:38,730
I thank you Commander.
347
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:41,550
Peace be with you.
348
00:20:41,570 --> 00:20:45,170
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Megaman's skeptical.
349
00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:49,730
♪♪♪ Would you like to visit our relaxation room Captain Ramses?
350
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,230
Thank you.
351
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:54,230
If you want anything else just ask an android.
352
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:58,420
[Bill] And it will help you 4 months after the Iphone version.
353
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,590
♪♪♪ Hello.
354
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:03,040
Hi.
Hi.
355
00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:08,440
[Mike] All concubines. I was kind of hoping for a foosball table.
356
00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:12,170
My name is Gassett.
357
00:21:12,190 --> 00:21:20,280
[Kevin] I make getting the bends sexy.
358
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:23,480
♪♪♪ [Bill] Well on my planet it's considered quite big.
359
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,990
[Kevin] Uh huh.
360
00:21:25,010 --> 00:21:26,890
Captain Ramses wanted to see the communications room.
361
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,350
All peace to you.
362
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,370
All peace.
363
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,910
These screens monitor the earthling video broadcasts.
364
00:21:33,930 --> 00:21:36,260
Their news, their entertainment.
365
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,830
[Mike] Their battles between network stars
366
00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:42,000
This man claims to have been, taken inside a flying saucer.
367
00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:44,050
Forced to make love to a woman.
368
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,130
Primitive, aren't they?
369
00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:49,820
[Kevin] At least they can last more than 30 seconds.
370
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,540
And he was radioactive.
371
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,830
And the ground where he said the saucer landed...
372
00:21:54,850 --> 00:21:56,850
I've seen enough. I thank you for everything.
373
00:21:56,870 --> 00:22:00,160
[Bill] Wait. JJ was about to say "dynamite!!"
374
00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:05,600
Thousands of witnesses whose testimony would be accepted in any court of law without question.
375
00:22:05,620 --> 00:22:09,860
[Mike] Oh sorry I'm late. The malaise was brutal today.
376
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,470
Hi! Ready to leave soon?
377
00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:13,740
Mm hmm.
378
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,640
Dr Frankenstein isn't.
379
00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:17,640
I'm in the middle of an experiment.
380
00:22:17,660 --> 00:22:19,500
What do you want me to do?
381
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,960
[Kevin] This powder needs to be in Jonestown by Thursday!
382
00:22:21,980 --> 00:22:24,820
No.
383
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,590
You can always leave it and come back to it.
384
00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:32,340
[Bill] Watson would always say that to Crick at happy hour.
385
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:38,020
Okay.
386
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,340
You will observe a reconnaisance ship. down there, on the far left.
387
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:43,870
[Mike] The fake one?
388
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:45,820
[Bill] No. The crappy one behind the fake one.
389
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,770
Now. you have your instructions.
390
00:22:47,790 --> 00:22:51,660
I understand Captain.
391
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,380
♪♪♪ The last ship.
392
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:54,720
It shall be done.
393
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:57,570
[Kevin] So, she banged the ship.♪♪♪
394
00:22:57,590 --> 00:23:02,120
♪♪♪
395
00:23:02,140 --> 00:23:06,360
[Bill] They should really consider a kitchen island. so much floor space.
396
00:23:06,380 --> 00:23:08,100
[Kevin] Yeah.
397
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,710
♪♪♪
398
00:23:11,730 --> 00:23:17,730
♪♪♪ [Mike] Ugh! Damn thing's been out of barbecued Fritos for weeks! ♪♪♪
399
00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:23,670
♪♪♪
400
00:23:23,690 --> 00:23:27,180
[Kevin] Uh are you dubbing in a line? Or uh?
401
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:33,250
♪♪♪
402
00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:38,790
♪♪♪ [Bill] Roxanne was just in here. Ignored the hell out of Sting's advice.
403
00:23:38,810 --> 00:23:42,260
♪♪♪ Yes that ship leaves immediately.
404
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,910
Thank you.
405
00:23:45,930 --> 00:23:51,040
[Mike] This room is for storing UFOs and for developing photographs.
406
00:23:54,870 --> 00:23:58,350
Disengage stationary system.
407
00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:01,490
[Kevin] Just image they're saying Alexa before they give every command.
408
00:24:01,510 --> 00:24:06,780
Fields for flight.
409
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,810
[Bill] They are special effects in the sense in that
410
00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:11,840
It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown was a special.
411
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:24,550
[Mike] Just a reminder. This came out the same year as Star Wars.
412
00:24:24,570 --> 00:24:29,660
[Kevin] Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!
413
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:33,720
Prepare for atmospheric flight.
414
00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:36,440
Ground surface density.
415
00:24:36,460 --> 00:24:39,010
Alter pressure systems accordingly.
416
00:24:39,030 --> 00:24:42,750
[Bill] Oh, and get the ass jammer ready to jam up people's asses!
417
00:24:42,770 --> 00:24:44,450
[Kevin] Wow!
418
00:24:44,470 --> 00:24:46,770
Programming for an observation of area of 1RX5.
419
00:24:46,790 --> 00:24:48,230
Good.
420
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:49,830
That shouldn't be too difficult.
421
00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:51,670
We'll be back at the base in no time.
422
00:24:51,690 --> 00:24:57,330
[Mike] They both sound like any given guy on NPR.
423
00:24:57,350 --> 00:25:01,130
[Kevin] Well, I hope everyone brought their white robes.
424
00:25:01,150 --> 00:25:04,150
We should be at Valley Lodge in no time.
425
00:25:08,490 --> 00:25:12,650
Look! Look!
426
00:25:12,670 --> 00:25:14,310
Look! Outside! It's a UFO!
427
00:25:14,330 --> 00:25:15,650
Where?
428
00:25:15,670 --> 00:25:17,140
It's a real UFO. I saw it!
429
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,410
You sure?
430
00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:23,090
You think I don't know what a flying saucer looks like?
431
00:25:23,110 --> 00:25:26,160
[Mike] Well, that's more than you say for the director.
432
00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:32,600
Well. It's gone now.
433
00:25:32,620 --> 00:25:37,570
Alright Diane. We believe you.
434
00:25:37,590 --> 00:25:39,680
Don't treat me like a child!
435
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:43,870
[Bill] Now can I get a damn juice box and a Gogurt?!!
436
00:25:50,010 --> 00:25:53,790
[Mike] That alien encounter almost excited some viewers
437
00:25:53,810 --> 00:25:56,970
Quick! Balance it out with a lengthy parking scene.
438
00:25:56,990 --> 00:26:01,470
[Kevin] Ugh.
439
00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:05,270
[Kevin] So, this is the Overlook Hotel huh? Pictures made it look bigger.
440
00:26:05,290 --> 00:26:07,340
At last!
441
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,080
Diane.
442
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:10,330
Hi Helen.
443
00:26:10,350 --> 00:26:11,570
How you doing?
444
00:26:11,590 --> 00:26:13,010
Real good.
445
00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:14,320
Here's something for your file.
446
00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:16,090
[Bill] It's written by overalls guy.
447
00:26:16,110 --> 00:26:23,310
I don't think that quite qualifies as scientific data.
448
00:26:23,330 --> 00:26:27,530
[Mike] And that was Renee Magrites's favorite scene in the movie.
449
00:26:27,550 --> 00:26:33,700
(whooshing noise)
450
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,300
[Kevin] And just as he was about to save the day, Ronald Reagan fired him.
451
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:50,010
[Bill] Jonathan Richman. The air traffic controller years.
452
00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:53,720
[Kevin] Sir, the UFO's approaching the Stop and Shop and it's got its radio on.
453
00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:56,720
How's he going to explain a flying saucer?
454
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:59,180
He'll tell him he's crazy.
455
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,060
Yes. That's what they always say.
456
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,810
[Mike] (blandly) I'm having a blast by the way. You?
457
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:06,260
[Kevin] Oh, time of my life.
458
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:11,370
Let's take a closer look.
459
00:27:11,390 --> 00:27:16,720
[Bill] Now, real time scene of it making a giant crop circle wang.
460
00:27:16,740 --> 00:27:19,150
Here it comes again sir. Look at that.
461
00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:20,850
Sir?
462
00:27:20,870 --> 00:27:22,730
I leave you alone with the scope for half an hour and look what happens?
463
00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:25,530
[Mike] You haven't even beat level two. (Kevin laughs)
464
00:27:32,090 --> 00:27:34,620
I can't believe it.
465
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,300
Something's wrong with this scope.
466
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,040
[Kevin] Why even have the scope if you immediately doubt it?
467
00:27:39,060 --> 00:27:42,030
No sir. The scope is working perfectly.
468
00:27:45,260 --> 00:27:48,540
Are you locked onto that?
469
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,370
[Bill] I sure am, guy who sounds like he just inhaled helium.
470
00:27:52,390 --> 00:27:58,100
I can't let this thing come in like this with no identification.
471
00:27:58,120 --> 00:27:59,350
Wait for the jets to check it our sir?
472
00:27:59,370 --> 00:28:00,780
There's no time for that!
473
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,940
[Mike] They're still recovering from the butt fumble.
474
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,890
Okay prepare to fire
475
00:28:04,910 --> 00:28:07,720
Prepare to fire!!
476
00:28:07,740 --> 00:28:09,490
[Kevin] 90% of the dialog is someone telling
477
00:28:09,510 --> 00:28:12,080
someone else to prepare to do something.
478
00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:17,530
(siren sounds)
479
00:28:17,550 --> 00:28:20,500
[Bill] Wait a second. This is just a game of snake.
480
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,580
Fire!
481
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:28,870
Fire!!
482
00:28:28,890 --> 00:28:32,920
[Mike] Wiley Coyote is clinging to that thing.
483
00:28:37,470 --> 00:28:43,310
[Kevin] Boy do I have immense satisfaction for my work.
484
00:28:43,330 --> 00:28:48,060
(buzzer sounds) What's that?
485
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:50,160
Malfunction in the force shield.
486
00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:55,060
[Bill] It says abort, retry, fail? Why would anyone ever pick fail?
487
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,020
(beeping noise)
488
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,370
Check the computer.
489
00:29:02,390 --> 00:29:05,130
[Mike] But I haven't prepared to check the computer!
490
00:29:05,150 --> 00:29:08,760
(beeping noise)
491
00:29:08,780 --> 00:29:11,260
What is that?
492
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,160
[Kevin] Gah! Someone crank the thermostat way up. This is gonna cost us a fortune!
493
00:29:15,180 --> 00:29:16,650
The electrode for the force shield is missing.
494
00:29:16,670 --> 00:29:18,420
No force shield?
495
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,190
[Bill] Can I lick your scalp before we die sir?
496
00:29:20,210 --> 00:29:22,220
[Mike] I thought you'd never AAHHH!
497
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,060
(explosions)
498
00:29:28,980 --> 00:29:32,440
You got it sir.
499
00:29:32,460 --> 00:29:36,900
[Kevin] Hmm. The CEO of Delta is on line two. Wonder what he wants? (Bill laughs)
500
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,560
Get on the phone to general Lennox and tell him what's happened.
501
00:29:40,580 --> 00:29:46,360
[Bill] Aww, General Lennox? He always wants to talk about his ferret. Weirdo.
502
00:29:46,380 --> 00:29:48,730
♪♪♪ Our reconnaissance ship is missing.
503
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:51,850
Investigate and return to base as soon as possible.
504
00:29:51,870 --> 00:29:55,390
[Mike] Take the reconnaissance reconnaissance ship.♪♪♪
505
00:29:55,410 --> 00:30:01,740
♪♪♪
506
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,010
[Kevin] You know? I'm pretty sure this is the plot of every Rush concept album.
507
00:30:06,030 --> 00:30:09,590
♪♪♪ Captain?
508
00:30:09,610 --> 00:30:12,800
Do you know anything about our ship that's missing?
509
00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:14,780
That's no concern of yours.
510
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,410
[Bill] Well, my phone charger was on there. So it kind of is.
511
00:30:18,430 --> 00:30:22,210
If you wish to survive, you will not question me, and you will not interfere with us.
512
00:30:22,230 --> 00:30:26,840
This is a warning. you will not receive another.
513
00:30:26,860 --> 00:30:29,830
[Mike] I can't believe I had disappointing sex with you.
514
00:30:29,850 --> 00:30:34,200
♪♪♪
515
00:30:34,220 --> 00:30:36,330
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Sorry. Soundtrack was stuck in traffic.
516
00:30:36,350 --> 00:30:39,040
But it's here now and ready to get funky!
517
00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:46,120
♪♪♪
518
00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:50,840
♪♪♪ [Bill] Good to see the advanced civilizations still using rotary phone cords.
519
00:30:50,860 --> 00:30:54,620
♪♪♪ Take your positions.
520
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,600
Proceed with the attack.
521
00:30:56,620 --> 00:30:59,610
[Mike] Guys, this is still the best movie I've seen with starship in the title.
522
00:30:59,630 --> 00:31:01,250
(Kevin laughs)
523
00:31:01,270 --> 00:31:03,190
[Mike] Better satire.
524
00:31:03,210 --> 00:31:05,940
Take your positions.
525
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:10,650
[Kevin] And god help anyone who opens their mouth or displays an emotion.
526
00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:13,990
♪♪♪ All peace to you galactic...
527
00:31:14,010 --> 00:31:17,390
♪♪♪
528
00:31:17,410 --> 00:31:21,850
[Bill] Okay, it's gotta be pretty satisfying to shoot someone
529
00:31:21,870 --> 00:31:27,750
who's wishing peace to the entire galaxy. Ironic hit for them.
530
00:31:27,770 --> 00:31:31,730
♪♪♪
531
00:31:31,750 --> 00:31:33,930
♪♪♪
532
00:31:33,950 --> 00:31:37,750
[Mike] You know, this was also the set for Ned Blanford's talk show. (Bill laughs)
533
00:31:37,770 --> 00:31:40,060
Eliminate technicians.
534
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,080
Yes Captain.
535
00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:45,330
[Kevin] First target, quote unquote funny flight attendants.
536
00:31:45,350 --> 00:31:48,000
♪♪♪
537
00:31:48,020 --> 00:31:52,400
♪♪♪
538
00:31:52,420 --> 00:31:58,530
[Bill] Ornette Coleman presents murder! ♪♪♪
539
00:31:58,550 --> 00:32:04,280
♪♪♪
540
00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:08,270
♪♪♪ [Mike] I like to think she escaped.
541
00:32:08,290 --> 00:32:11,030
[Kevin] Whoo. Sequel.
542
00:32:11,050 --> 00:32:14,970
♪♪♪ Hello.
543
00:32:14,990 --> 00:32:16,920
Hi.
544
00:32:16,940 --> 00:32:20,170
[Bill] Nobody out-sexy's me and gets away with it.
545
00:32:20,190 --> 00:32:22,710
(buzzing noise)
546
00:32:22,730 --> 00:32:28,270
♪♪♪
547
00:32:28,290 --> 00:32:34,580
[Mike] Charred corpses of Kodos and Kang were uncovered days later.
548
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:40,000
General Lennox, sir?
549
00:32:40,020 --> 00:32:42,790
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Oh my god! It's so hot! Why would I do that?!! ♪♪♪
550
00:32:42,810 --> 00:32:51,550
What the hell was this? And where did it come from?
551
00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:56,580
♪♪♪ [Bill] Whoo hoo! Crash party! Coming in hot! Look out!
552
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:02,090
♪♪♪
553
00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:05,230
[Mike] Uh, can you guys give us directions to the offramp?
554
00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:10,090
♪♪♪
555
00:33:10,110 --> 00:33:17,290
♪♪♪ [Kevin] (sighs) Isn't anyone gonna remind us he didn't sign up for this (bleep)?
556
00:33:17,310 --> 00:33:25,970
♪♪♪ [Bill] Easy drums.
557
00:33:25,990 --> 00:33:28,540
No one survived that crash.
558
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,230
Return to base.
559
00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:31,920
[Bill] Should we like run some scans or?
560
00:33:31,940 --> 00:33:33,970
[Mike] No. Base. ♪♪♪
561
00:33:33,990 --> 00:33:40,720
♪♪♪
562
00:33:40,740 --> 00:33:44,470
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Oh damn. I was gonna style them.
563
00:33:44,490 --> 00:33:48,100
♪♪♪
564
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:52,820
♪♪♪
565
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:57,090
[Bill] I just feel like these Montessori schools have finally gone too far. ♪♪♪
566
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,650
♪♪♪ [Mike] Garage door openers are lethal to their kind.
567
00:34:06,670 --> 00:34:11,740
♪♪♪ (buzzing noise)
568
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:17,810
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Killed by...babe...I win.
569
00:34:17,830 --> 00:34:23,250
♪♪♪
570
00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:28,640
♪♪♪
571
00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:29,990
[Bill] Just admit we're lost.
572
00:34:30,010 --> 00:34:31,870
[Mike] No, we are not lost!
573
00:34:31,890 --> 00:34:36,090
♪♪♪ Zeta one. Zeta one.
574
00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:38,120
Emergency.
575
00:34:38,140 --> 00:34:40,010
Ramses is attacking the base.
576
00:34:40,030 --> 00:34:41,390
They're killing everyone.
577
00:34:41,410 --> 00:34:45,200
[Kevin] Also, we use radio to broadcast our telepathy? Do I have that right?
578
00:34:45,220 --> 00:34:46,840
Approach base with caution.
579
00:34:46,860 --> 00:34:48,890
Zeta one. Zeta one.
580
00:34:48,910 --> 00:34:52,600
Emergency. Base is under attack.♪♪♪
581
00:34:52,620 --> 00:34:55,910
You were ordered not to interfere.
582
00:34:55,930 --> 00:34:58,310
[Bill] You were also ordered to put on some damn pants.
583
00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:00,540
You are not leaving the house like that young lady!
584
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,790
See?
585
00:35:02,810 --> 00:35:04,640
[Kevin] Guess not.
586
00:35:04,660 --> 00:35:08,710
♪♪♪
587
00:35:08,730 --> 00:35:15,380
[Mike] Well, she died doing what she loved. Barbarella cosplay.
588
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,660
[Kevin] Yeah.
589
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,170
♪♪♪
590
00:35:19,190 --> 00:35:23,930
(Kevin humming)
591
00:35:23,950 --> 00:35:29,390
[Kevin] Hey let's just pretend he's down there to steal her shoes, okay?
592
00:35:29,410 --> 00:35:32,200
♪♪♪
593
00:35:32,220 --> 00:35:38,410
♪♪♪
594
00:35:38,430 --> 00:35:43,020
[Bill] Let's see those Klaatu barada nikto idiots do that. Hmm? ♪♪♪
595
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:49,680
♪♪♪
596
00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:53,800
[Mike] I'll just move this large baked potato out of your way sir.
597
00:35:53,820 --> 00:35:57,830
♪♪♪
598
00:35:57,850 --> 00:36:00,860
(Kevin humming)
599
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:06,140
[Kevin] And this, friends, is what inspired 1977's
600
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:11,810
disco smash, let's Throw a Robot in a Hole.
601
00:36:11,830 --> 00:36:15,440
She sent an emergency message to their ship.
602
00:36:15,460 --> 00:36:18,740
You will intercept them.
603
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,580
Yes Captain.
604
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,130
[Bill] Between takes, I bet Christopher Lee chucked brandy
605
00:36:23,150 --> 00:36:30,090
bottles at extras, and screamed about how he once played Lord Summerisle.
606
00:36:30,110 --> 00:36:34,300
♪♪♪ [Mike] They should need this kind of heat lamp to prosper and grow.
607
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:40,040
[Bill] And don't forget to clean their tank! ♪♪♪
608
00:36:40,060 --> 00:36:47,040
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Hotel room service trays mobilize, phase two.
609
00:36:47,060 --> 00:36:50,580
♪♪♪
610
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:58,470
(Kevin humming)
611
00:36:58,490 --> 00:37:01,590
♪♪♪ [Bill] Sadly, the exciting UFO fight was pre-prempted when
612
00:37:01,610 --> 00:37:06,060
a golden retriever snapped one of the combatants out of mid-air.
613
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,830
It's France's ship. Heading towards us fast.
614
00:37:08,850 --> 00:37:10,700
Climb to the third vector.
615
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:18,040
[Mike] Second vector would be better. But his ex lives there.
616
00:37:18,060 --> 00:37:19,840
They're climbing. Stay with them.
617
00:37:19,860 --> 00:37:22,390
They must not escape.
618
00:37:22,410 --> 00:37:26,510
(Bill humming)
619
00:37:26,530 --> 00:37:27,790
They aim to destroy us.
620
00:37:27,810 --> 00:37:29,290
We will have to fight.
621
00:37:29,310 --> 00:37:30,680
Prepare for battle.
622
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:32,410
[Kevin] But only prepare, okay?
623
00:37:32,430 --> 00:37:37,080
[Bill] Glad we're back to preparing.
624
00:37:37,100 --> 00:37:41,210
♪♪♪ [Bill] I got you!
625
00:37:41,230 --> 00:37:43,290
[Mike] Nuh uh! I got you.
626
00:37:43,310 --> 00:37:46,630
♪♪♪
627
00:37:46,650 --> 00:37:49,860
(buzzing)
628
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:54,940
We've destroyed the renegade.
629
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,950
Yes but our computer has been damaged.
630
00:37:58,970 --> 00:38:03,330
[Kevin] I apologize for my outburst. Too many things have been ruined.
631
00:38:03,350 --> 00:38:05,350
We need new parts.
632
00:38:05,370 --> 00:38:07,920
[Bill] Stop screaming.
It won't be long before they locate us.
633
00:38:07,940 --> 00:38:10,530
It will be difficult.
634
00:38:10,550 --> 00:38:12,790
Then we must make contact with earth people.
635
00:38:12,810 --> 00:38:15,690
They're usually too scared to be of any help.
636
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:19,000
[Bill] She means stupid. They're usually too stupid to be of any help.
637
00:38:19,020 --> 00:38:23,830
Yes.
638
00:38:27,860 --> 00:38:29,370
[Mike] Would you look at that?
639
00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:33,600
I got my steps in during the massacre. Amazing!
640
00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:36,870
(whooshing sounds)
641
00:38:36,890 --> 00:38:38,360
Patrol?
642
00:38:38,380 --> 00:38:40,670
Position extermination unit in orbit around the earth,
643
00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:43,650
and continue search for League of Races ship.
644
00:38:43,670 --> 00:38:46,160
[Kevin] It's the one that looks like a watch battery.
645
00:38:51,740 --> 00:38:55,780
Connect the extermination device and begin transmission immediately.
646
00:38:55,800 --> 00:39:02,480
[Bill] Do They Know it's Christmas? On every station 24/7 people. Let's get her done.
647
00:39:02,500 --> 00:39:06,700
(buzzing)
648
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:09,750
(buzzing)
649
00:39:09,770 --> 00:39:11,750
[Mike] Oh you better re-gap that spark plug there pal.
650
00:39:11,770 --> 00:39:13,840
[Kevin] Oh golly.
651
00:39:13,860 --> 00:39:18,190
(humming noise)
652
00:39:18,210 --> 00:39:19,690
(shot fires)
653
00:39:19,710 --> 00:39:23,200
(shots fire)
654
00:39:23,220 --> 00:39:26,500
[Kevin] I just feel like these purge sequels have run out of ideals.
655
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,310
(humming)
656
00:39:29,330 --> 00:39:34,000
(shot fires)
657
00:39:34,020 --> 00:39:39,080
[Bill] There's no sense in fighting it. I just love a good dossier.
658
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:51,530
[Mike] It's your favorite. Smirnov with a teaspoon of OJ.
659
00:39:56,690 --> 00:39:59,870
[Kevin] Ahh. I always know you're depressed when
660
00:39:59,890 --> 00:40:04,840
you break out your novelty People magazine cover from Six Flags.
661
00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:14,290
[Bill] David and Hazel. The UFO years!
662
00:40:14,310 --> 00:40:19,320
You know this whole UFO thing is really starting to get to me.
663
00:40:19,340 --> 00:40:22,370
[Mike] Yeah. This was me approximately 39 minutes ago.
664
00:40:22,390 --> 00:40:24,830
Probably just coincidence.
665
00:40:24,850 --> 00:40:27,260
That's not what I mean.
666
00:40:29,830 --> 00:40:32,740
I mean your obsession with them.
667
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,100
[Kevin] First it was kinder eggs and now this. It's too much.
668
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,650
Obsessed with them?
669
00:40:37,670 --> 00:40:39,210
Close to that.
670
00:40:39,230 --> 00:40:42,520
It's even starting to affect Diane.
671
00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:45,980
She thinks she's seeing flying saucers now.
672
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,450
[Bill] Hmm. Searching memory for Diane.
673
00:40:48,470 --> 00:40:53,280
Searching, searching? Yeah I got nothing!
674
00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:55,450
I guess when you married an astronomer,
675
00:40:55,470 --> 00:40:58,860
you didn't think he'd turn out to be a UFO kook huh?
676
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:03,070
Just that UFOs are such bizarre things.
677
00:41:03,090 --> 00:41:06,500
[Mike] Being unidentified and flying how they do.
678
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:11,080
Makes me think you're not very happy with me and Diane.
679
00:41:11,100 --> 00:41:12,880
That's not true at all.
680
00:41:12,900 --> 00:41:15,350
UFOs are a mystery.
681
00:41:15,370 --> 00:41:16,790
They're fascinating.
682
00:41:16,810 --> 00:41:18,690
Has nothing to do with my feeling for you and Diane.
683
00:41:18,710 --> 00:41:20,750
That's not how you're acting
684
00:41:20,770 --> 00:41:22,210
[Kevin] Okay. Tell you what.
685
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:23,720
First thing tomorrow I'll take Diane and we'll suck
686
00:41:23,740 --> 00:41:28,520
on chili dogs outside the Tasty Freeze like old times. (Mike laughs)
687
00:41:28,540 --> 00:41:31,500
I'm interested in UFOs too.
688
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,370
But we still have got to have some time to ourselves.
689
00:41:35,390 --> 00:41:39,520
[Bill] Said with the same tone a wife would say "I'm interested in model trains too."
690
00:41:39,540 --> 00:41:42,650
We have some time to ourselves.
691
00:41:42,670 --> 00:41:46,510
Come here.
692
00:41:46,530 --> 00:41:48,760
[Kevin] You're not going to be thinking about UFOS are you?
693
00:41:48,780 --> 00:41:54,700
[Bill] Of course not alien. Let's make sweet love ET.
694
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:57,350
Hmm. Outer space.
695
00:41:57,370 --> 00:42:00,350
(buzzing) Have you located the researcher?
696
00:42:00,370 --> 00:42:02,450
Yes, we will be there shortly.
697
00:42:02,470 --> 00:42:05,040
[Mike] That's alien for "Yes DEAR! I know what I'm doing.
698
00:42:05,060 --> 00:42:07,880
Unless you think you can drive better than me!!"
699
00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:13,060
♪♪♪
700
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,990
[Kevin] Let's turn this into our personal relaxation room huh?
701
00:42:17,010 --> 00:42:20,220
♪♪♪
702
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:25,100
♪♪♪ Sounds like somebody breaking in!
703
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:26,490
[Bill] Or aliens or something!
704
00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:30,080
Anyway it's definitely not a cover for my severe erectile dysfunction.
705
00:42:30,100 --> 00:42:34,690
(Kevin laughs) ♪♪♪
706
00:42:34,710 --> 00:42:37,290
[Mike] Oh. It's just my neighbor Leon Theremin again.
707
00:42:37,310 --> 00:42:40,230
Would you stop messing with that noisy hunk of garbage?
708
00:42:40,250 --> 00:42:42,180
[Kevin] Sorry!
709
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,400
♪♪♪
710
00:42:45,420 --> 00:42:49,080
[Kevin] My bland turtleneck dad sweater comes in peace.
711
00:42:49,100 --> 00:42:54,390
♪♪♪ [Bill] I'm Thumb Head. Hi.
712
00:42:54,410 --> 00:43:01,350
♪♪♪
713
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:04,550
♪♪♪ [Mike] We just made biscuits.
714
00:43:04,570 --> 00:43:09,130
♪♪♪
715
00:43:09,150 --> 00:43:13,250
Ah Hal!
716
00:43:13,270 --> 00:43:22,230
[Kevin] Ah Hal is his real name. Alam for short.
717
00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:27,580
♪♪♪ [Bill] It was an effort to call him "Ahhh haaa lum!" that killed her.
718
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,020
♪♪♪
719
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:36,150
♪♪♪
720
00:43:36,170 --> 00:43:39,230
[Mike] Ewww. I can't wait til we squeeze Robert Vaughn
721
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:45,350
into one of those sexy alien jumpers. Mmm!
722
00:43:45,370 --> 00:43:49,070
♪♪♪ [Kevin] He? He? Help!!
723
00:43:49,090 --> 00:43:52,930
♪♪♪
724
00:43:52,950 --> 00:43:55,480
(indistinct)
725
00:43:55,500 --> 00:44:00,510
[Mike] (laughs) She's still doing it. ♪♪♪
726
00:44:00,530 --> 00:44:05,050
[Bill] They could have stayed on the ground. Saved us some time. Ha ha.
727
00:44:05,070 --> 00:44:08,770
You are inside a space craft.
728
00:44:08,790 --> 00:44:12,960
Everything you suspect about UFOs is true.
729
00:44:12,980 --> 00:44:15,560
[Mike] They DO smell like gas station bathrooms.
730
00:44:15,580 --> 00:44:17,980
[Kevin] Whoo.
731
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:22,930
Has been captured and our space craft has been damaged in combat.
732
00:44:22,950 --> 00:44:27,200
A renegade group intends to exterminate your race and re-populate the earth.
733
00:44:27,220 --> 00:44:30,960
[Kevin] The renegade group is lead by Lorenzo Lamas Jr.
734
00:44:30,980 --> 00:44:32,360
And work with us in obtaining computer parts
735
00:44:32,380 --> 00:44:34,370
and integrating them with our system.
736
00:44:34,390 --> 00:44:36,640
So that we can try and save the earth.
737
00:44:36,660 --> 00:44:37,910
Will you help?
738
00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:39,250
[Bill] What's it pay?
739
00:44:39,270 --> 00:44:42,720
If I do what you want, will you take me back to my home?
740
00:44:42,740 --> 00:44:44,940
Yes.
741
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:49,360
Alright. I know a computer expert.
742
00:44:49,380 --> 00:44:55,110
[Mike] And by "computer expert" I mean drunk guy who doesn't own a computer.
743
00:44:55,130 --> 00:44:57,010
(knock on door)
744
00:44:57,030 --> 00:45:00,800
[Kevin] Burp! Fart! I mean come in!
745
00:45:07,070 --> 00:45:12,160
[Bill] Phew! Glad we got to see the whole trip to the door. Thrilling.
746
00:45:12,180 --> 00:45:13,970
You're back. What is it? You forget something?
747
00:45:13,990 --> 00:45:15,190
No.
748
00:45:15,210 --> 00:45:18,190
Well then. Come on in
749
00:45:18,210 --> 00:45:19,820
There's a great game on.
750
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:22,160
No, come on out here.
751
00:45:22,180 --> 00:45:24,610
[Mike] Okay! Get your biggest probe!
752
00:45:24,630 --> 00:45:29,050
♪♪♪
753
00:45:29,070 --> 00:45:32,960
[Kevin] Yeah. He took a dump on your lawn. Pretty funny huh?
754
00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:37,750
♪♪♪
755
00:45:37,770 --> 00:45:41,070
[Bill] It's time for Robert Vaughn to go to facial expression B.
756
00:45:41,090 --> 00:45:42,880
[Kevin] No!
757
00:45:42,900 --> 00:45:46,570
♪♪♪
758
00:45:46,590 --> 00:45:50,730
[Mike] Bring me to your six pack. I'm kidding.
759
00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:53,380
Name's Zolton. How the hell are ya?
760
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,630
♪♪♪
761
00:45:55,650 --> 00:46:02,260
[Kevin] Whoa! Those jumpers really show off their alien junk.
762
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:09,920
♪♪♪
763
00:46:09,940 --> 00:46:14,740
[Bill] Burning through the engine oil. They oughta get a new timing belt.
764
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:18,490
♪♪♪
765
00:46:18,510 --> 00:46:23,640
♪♪♪
766
00:46:23,660 --> 00:46:28,180
[Mike] Oh man. A guy could drink a lot of beer in here.
767
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,070
Hello Malcom.
768
00:46:31,090 --> 00:46:34,830
Do not be alarmed. No harm will come to you.
769
00:46:34,850 --> 00:46:37,960
[Kevin] Aside from your obviously advanced heart disease.
770
00:46:37,980 --> 00:46:43,880
An unidentified flying object has appeared on our radar
771
00:46:43,900 --> 00:46:46,210
screens over the past week, gentlemen.
772
00:46:46,230 --> 00:46:48,170
[Bill] Sir, Jerry put his hat on our table.
773
00:46:48,190 --> 00:46:49,580
[Mike] Tom did it first!
774
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:50,950
[Bill] Oh!
775
00:46:50,970 --> 00:46:55,590
This could not possibly have come from planet earth.
776
00:46:55,610 --> 00:47:01,250
Therefore, it is our belief, that it is from outer space.
777
00:47:01,270 --> 00:47:04,110
[Kevin] We think it is some kind of plan 9.
778
00:47:04,130 --> 00:47:07,860
This vehicle is orbiting the earth, at a height of about
779
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:12,370
a hundred miles, with a very irregular pattern.
780
00:47:12,390 --> 00:47:16,640
[Bill] Height, altitude, whatever. Just words.
781
00:47:16,660 --> 00:47:20,630
Across a populated area, there is a tremendous
782
00:47:20,650 --> 00:47:24,300
increase in people committing suicide.
783
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,990
[Mike] Also true after someone at a party starts talking about Hamilton.
784
00:47:28,010 --> 00:47:31,010
Committing suicide.
785
00:47:31,030 --> 00:47:36,790
They are being murdered by somebody, some being, some device.
786
00:47:36,810 --> 00:47:39,930
[Kevin] Something called a gun?
From outer space.
787
00:47:39,950 --> 00:47:46,010
Now I can impress on you gentlemen, the importance of secrecy.
788
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:48,800
Any announcement of this to the public, the panic
789
00:47:48,820 --> 00:47:52,760
could mean the end of life as we know it.
790
00:47:52,780 --> 00:47:56,540
[Bill] Or it could be a good panic. Try and see the bright side.
791
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:57,890
Special control.
792
00:47:57,910 --> 00:47:59,810
Continue search in sector 284.
793
00:47:59,830 --> 00:48:04,540
League of Races ship must not escape.
794
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,690
[Mike] Oh great. No time to hit the can.
795
00:48:06,710 --> 00:48:09,620
Takes me an hour to wriggle out of this jumpsuit
796
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:14,720
♪♪♪
797
00:48:14,740 --> 00:48:17,220
We have adjusted the data control circuit.
798
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,580
Prepare gravity two to touch down.
799
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:24,140
[Kevin] And stop playing those kettle drums. It's distracting while I'm trying to fly.
800
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,280
Come on! Knock it off!
801
00:48:27,300 --> 00:48:29,930
[Mike] Why did we bring them?
802
00:48:29,950 --> 00:48:34,090
♪♪♪
803
00:48:34,110 --> 00:48:36,350
You're not gonna believe this.
804
00:48:36,370 --> 00:48:39,450
But a flying saucer has just landed in front of me.
805
00:48:39,470 --> 00:48:43,850
[Mike] So I told you, using a bad Christopher Walken impression.
806
00:48:43,870 --> 00:48:47,300
Alright and don't bother me.
807
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:51,600
[Bill] (sighs) Alright. Get your damn coffee, Roger.
808
00:48:51,620 --> 00:48:57,100
Then we have to get on with the mission!
809
00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:01,820
♪♪♪ We've located the missing ship. They've landed in the middle of a large city.
810
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,880
Excellent.
811
00:49:03,900 --> 00:49:07,390
You have your instructions. Need to set.
812
00:49:07,410 --> 00:49:11,490
[Kevin] Oh crap! I broke it! I am so dead!
813
00:49:11,510 --> 00:49:19,330
♪♪♪ [Mike] Okay. This way for JPEGs of naked Teri Hatcher.
814
00:49:19,350 --> 00:49:25,590
I mean save the world from the aliens. Right, right.
815
00:49:25,610 --> 00:49:30,760
♪♪♪ [Bill] Our computers are down to the size of a double wide trailer.
816
00:49:30,780 --> 00:49:35,200
♪♪♪
817
00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:44,201
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Oh. This is my porn back up drive. I'll keep this.
818
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:50,110
♪♪♪ [Mike] You know? It's nice that they feel they don't have to make small talk.
819
00:49:50,130 --> 00:49:53,130
[Bill] Yeah. Just instantly comfortable with one another.
820
00:49:53,150 --> 00:49:59,330
Sweet.
821
00:49:59,350 --> 00:50:02,340
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Mark David Chapman. Just hanging outside the Dakota. Cool.
822
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:08,230
♪♪♪
823
00:50:08,250 --> 00:50:11,220
Hurry Mo.
824
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:15,250
(indistinct) Cannot be far behind.
825
00:50:15,270 --> 00:50:20,340
♪♪♪ [Bill] Robert Vaughn. The Jascha Heifetz of blandness.
826
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:28,040
Well Alan. Think we finally made the front page.
827
00:50:28,060 --> 00:50:35,190
[Mike] Hmm. Bland idiot missed by no one. Hey!! (Kevin laughs)
828
00:50:35,210 --> 00:50:37,270
Here we are.
829
00:50:37,290 --> 00:50:39,310
They're taking off. We've gotta move fast.
830
00:50:39,330 --> 00:50:41,070
Must not fail.
831
00:50:41,090 --> 00:50:42,400
I know.
832
00:50:42,420 --> 00:50:44,100
We'll come from behind.
833
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:47,160
[Kevin] Their brilliant alien plan sneak up on them in space.
834
00:50:47,180 --> 00:50:50,090
[Bill] Come from behind.
835
00:50:50,110 --> 00:50:51,430
[Kevin] Yes.
836
00:50:51,450 --> 00:50:53,840
Approaching rapidly.
837
00:50:53,860 --> 00:50:56,200
Gentlemen. I suggest you prepare yourselves.
838
00:50:56,220 --> 00:50:58,680
We're about to encounter one of the renegades.
839
00:50:58,700 --> 00:51:01,160
♪♪♪ Time to strike back.
840
00:51:01,180 --> 00:51:04,490
[Bill] Do not be distracted by the shots of pie plates. ♪♪♪
841
00:51:04,510 --> 00:51:09,770
♪♪♪
842
00:51:09,790 --> 00:51:12,400
[Mike] This space battle would have been more exciting
843
00:51:12,420 --> 00:51:17,040
had it been preceded by a long dull council meeting.
844
00:51:17,060 --> 00:51:19,830
(explosions)
845
00:51:19,850 --> 00:51:24,150
[Kevin] Gah! Tell my family I almost finished vacuuming every floor!!
846
00:51:24,170 --> 00:51:26,150
(crashing)
847
00:51:26,170 --> 00:51:28,100
It has not been determined if the two scientists,
848
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,650
supposedly kidnapped by a flying saucer, were aboard the
849
00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:33,730
UFO that collided with the data control center.
850
00:51:33,750 --> 00:51:35,760
Special correspondent Dave Rawls.
851
00:51:35,780 --> 00:51:40,430
[Bill] Go ahead and yell "Ah ha ha Hallen!" if you need to. Go ahead.
852
00:51:40,450 --> 00:51:43,360
Are you thinking of your family?
853
00:51:43,380 --> 00:51:45,290
Yes.
854
00:51:45,310 --> 00:51:49,180
You must try to let go of worrying about your family.
855
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,310
That will do you no good.
856
00:51:51,330 --> 00:51:53,350
And it clutters your own mind.
857
00:51:53,370 --> 00:51:56,610
[Mike] Aliens are mostly concerned with mind clutter. Got it.
858
00:51:56,630 --> 00:52:00,070
The only hope for survival, is the successful completion of our mission.
859
00:52:00,090 --> 00:52:03,240
Is there anything I can do to protect them?
860
00:52:03,260 --> 00:52:06,500
Yes. Help us in any way you can.
861
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:11,740
[Kevin] Yeah. That's what I meant. Kind of looking for specifics Tobor.
862
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,690
[Bill] Help, by helping.
863
00:52:13,710 --> 00:52:15,800
[Kevin] Yes. What star are you from?
864
00:52:15,820 --> 00:52:20,010
We come from a star called Zeta Reticular.
865
00:52:20,030 --> 00:52:23,350
[Bill] Oh god. How long is this story going on? Oh god.
866
00:52:23,370 --> 00:52:28,730
Deep space expeditions.
867
00:52:28,750 --> 00:52:35,300
♪♪♪ Surely as an astronomer, you must have realized where we came from.
868
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,330
[Mike] You know what? This is a nice walk.
869
00:52:37,350 --> 00:52:40,000
I'm glad we parked in the gravel pit. (Bill laughs)
870
00:52:40,020 --> 00:52:44,470
♪♪♪
871
00:52:44,490 --> 00:52:46,660
What's your culture like?
872
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:50,260
[Kevin] Well, we're into leotards. We're vegetarians and we love your earth Hitler.
873
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,610
[Bill] Well that sounds like. Wait, WHAT?
874
00:52:52,630 --> 00:52:54,890
Can be a dangerous thing.
875
00:52:54,910 --> 00:52:56,740
When imparted to an unstable culture.
876
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,090
Such as yours.
877
00:52:59,110 --> 00:53:02,260
Therefore I cannot answer your question directly.
878
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,760
I can tell you that we built the great pyramid
879
00:53:04,780 --> 00:53:08,590
of Giza in Egypt ten thousand earth years ago.
880
00:53:08,610 --> 00:53:11,560
[Bill] It was built by our immortal king Elvis Presley.
881
00:53:11,580 --> 00:53:14,190
(laughs) Sorry. I'm just messing with you.
882
00:53:14,210 --> 00:53:18,160
How we control gravity. and you will understand our culture.
883
00:53:18,180 --> 00:53:22,630
And our morality. ♪♪♪
884
00:53:22,650 --> 00:53:26,900
[Kevin] Alright. Let's go have lunch with the far out space nuts.
885
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:29,480
♪♪♪ Now that our computer is impaired,
886
00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:33,220
we can attempt to rendezvous with our own fleet in deep space.
887
00:53:33,240 --> 00:53:35,180
But first we have to recharge.
888
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,410
[Bill] But we can't go rendezvous with the fleet
889
00:53:37,430 --> 00:53:43,560
in deep space. Pretty much the exact opposite of what you said.
890
00:53:43,580 --> 00:53:46,490
The ship is powered through a burst of electrical magnetism.
891
00:53:46,510 --> 00:53:49,500
Reversing electric and magnetic energy,
892
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,480
allows us to control and overcome gravity.
893
00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:55,910
I recommend that you take one of these.
894
00:53:55,930 --> 00:54:01,080
[Mike] It's a breath mint. That caesar salad you had is destroying the air in here.
895
00:54:01,100 --> 00:54:03,850
Feeling tired and hungry during the long trip ahead.
896
00:54:03,870 --> 00:54:06,170
They are not unlike your vitamin pills.
897
00:54:06,190 --> 00:54:09,980
Although they are considerably more effective.
898
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:12,590
Malcolm why don't try one?
899
00:54:12,610 --> 00:54:16,360
[Kevin] We made it taste like Old Style and cheap polish sausage so you will like it.
900
00:54:16,380 --> 00:54:18,050
[Bill] Well thank you. HEY!!!
901
00:54:18,070 --> 00:54:19,740
[Kevin] Come now. You have to know you suck.
902
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:23,900
[Bill] Yeah. I do.
903
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:29,960
[Mike] Hah ha! I can't believe you ate those.
904
00:54:29,980 --> 00:54:33,580
Those are our planet's mouse droppings. You idiot.
905
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,430
Your friend has a good appetite.
906
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,360
As members of the league of races, our purpose
907
00:54:41,380 --> 00:54:43,530
is to protect the galactic treaty.
908
00:54:43,550 --> 00:54:45,420
[Bill] A league of racists???
909
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,080
[Mike] Yeah. Not a great league.
910
00:54:47,100 --> 00:54:49,250
Progress and evolution.
911
00:54:49,270 --> 00:54:52,890
Ramses is an agent of barbarism and chaos.
912
00:54:52,910 --> 00:54:56,490
We will soon be in a life and death struggle.
913
00:54:56,510 --> 00:54:59,200
[Kevin] Looks like he's a in a life and death struggle to stay awake.
914
00:54:59,220 --> 00:55:03,000
Lose our own lives, we negate our very purpose for existence.
915
00:55:03,020 --> 00:55:05,460
We must win.
916
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:09,210
[Mike] Hmm. Not exactly the St Crispin's Day speech but it'll have to do.
917
00:55:09,230 --> 00:55:12,190
♪♪♪
918
00:55:12,210 --> 00:55:16,280
♪♪♪ Engage.
919
00:55:16,300 --> 00:55:21,460
And reading all charts...
920
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:30,455
[Kevin] Hey Steve! How do I zoom in on this thing? Steve? Steve?? Forget it.
921
00:55:33,220 --> 00:55:35,230
[Bill] Naboo! If you look closely you can see
922
00:55:35,250 --> 00:55:39,230
someone holding someone else, by the lake.
923
00:55:39,250 --> 00:55:45,090
Prepare for lunar gravity.
924
00:55:45,110 --> 00:55:49,860
♪♪♪ [Mike] Look at all the damn golf balls.
925
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,280
The enemy ship has just passed the moon.
926
00:55:52,300 --> 00:55:56,450
Follow and destroy it.
927
00:55:56,470 --> 00:56:00,450
[Kevin] Still sitting here doing this.
928
00:56:00,470 --> 00:56:07,970
[Bill] Vital. Oh. Someone microwaved aluminum again.
929
00:56:07,990 --> 00:56:12,050
(whooshing sound)
930
00:56:12,070 --> 00:56:14,680
(buzzing)
931
00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:18,620
[Mike] Test audiences demanded it. More moon fly bys!
932
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:28,450
I'm afraid that this time the computer is beyond repair.
933
00:56:28,470 --> 00:56:30,730
You know the masses of these planets by memory?
934
00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,990
Yes I think I can remember them.
935
00:56:33,010 --> 00:56:35,870
Then we must make a direct patch into your mind for navigation.
936
00:56:35,890 --> 00:56:38,120
And your friend's mind for computation.
937
00:56:38,140 --> 00:56:40,890
[Bill] The probes for it will go (all guys) Into our anuses.
938
00:56:40,910 --> 00:56:42,730
[Kevin] Into your anuses yes.
939
00:56:42,750 --> 00:56:45,680
[Mike] Yeah.
Let go of all its petty concerns.
940
00:56:45,700 --> 00:56:48,460
Your mind will be moving at a tremendous velocity as our navigator absorbs
941
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:51,680
the necessary information contained in your brain.
942
00:56:51,700 --> 00:56:54,360
[Bill] They're going to find so much dirty stuff!
943
00:56:54,380 --> 00:56:57,370
You will make the required computations.
944
00:56:57,390 --> 00:56:59,320
Remember that until now, you've never used
945
00:56:59,340 --> 00:57:02,360
more than one percent of your mental capabilities.
946
00:57:02,380 --> 00:57:07,280
[Mike] We concluded this after monitoring your Jim Varney movies.
947
00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:09,430
You will experience a tremendous surge of power.
948
00:57:09,450 --> 00:57:12,590
As the vast dormant energy in your mind is released.
949
00:57:12,610 --> 00:57:14,670
Do not be alarmed.
950
00:57:14,690 --> 00:57:16,570
There is nothing to fear.
951
00:57:16,590 --> 00:57:18,240
[Kevin] Feels like Ron Howard should chime in now
952
00:57:18,260 --> 00:57:24,850
with "They have something to fear!"
953
00:57:24,870 --> 00:57:27,320
♪♪♪ How can they pass these planets at that speed?
954
00:57:27,340 --> 00:57:28,900
Increase velocity!
955
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,980
[Bill] Turn on your left turn signal but then go right. Ha ha.
956
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:35,360
♪♪♪
957
00:57:35,380 --> 00:57:42,150
♪♪♪
958
00:57:42,170 --> 00:57:44,290
[Mike] Yep. Back when planets felt safe.
959
00:57:44,310 --> 00:57:47,220
And didn't know they could get kicked out like Pluto.
960
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:49,940
[Bill] Bastard.
961
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:54,730
♪♪♪
962
00:57:54,750 --> 00:57:58,640
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Approaching Jupiter.
963
00:57:58,660 --> 00:58:02,040
Look out for the boys who come to get more stupider.
964
00:58:02,060 --> 00:58:06,010
♪♪♪
965
00:58:06,030 --> 00:58:11,510
[Bill] Get that man a pork product. He's going into withdrawal!
966
00:58:11,530 --> 00:58:20,516
♪♪♪
967
00:58:22,580 --> 00:58:25,160
♪♪♪ [Mike] Hey. Leave Saturn out of this. (Kevin laughs)
968
00:58:25,180 --> 00:58:33,150
♪♪♪
969
00:58:33,170 --> 00:58:36,480
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Look! I can make it say "boobs"!!
970
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:39,660
♪♪♪
971
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:44,030
♪♪♪
972
00:58:44,050 --> 00:58:47,070
[Bill] I wonder if I could pull off a fedora?
973
00:58:47,090 --> 00:58:51,520
♪♪♪ (buzzing)
974
00:58:51,540 --> 00:58:55,380
I think, whether we like it or not.
975
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:57,810
Most important scientific problem we're going to face.
976
00:58:57,830 --> 00:59:00,480
[Mike] Is an uncloggable nacho cheese fountain.
977
00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:02,550
The explanation for the UFOs.
978
00:59:02,570 --> 00:59:05,600
Why don't the beings that control them, reveal themselves?
979
00:59:05,620 --> 00:59:09,530
They have, in a limited way.
980
00:59:09,550 --> 00:59:12,010
Perhaps they're wise enough to know that.
981
00:59:12,030 --> 00:59:14,860
[Kevin] We would mock their unitards mercilessly.
982
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:21,260
Civilizations.
983
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:29,470
[Bill] Whoo. I can convert this room into a crafting studio.
984
00:59:29,490 --> 00:59:35,910
[Mike] And she can do cra HAFting!
985
00:59:35,930 --> 00:59:40,590
First, I gotta get rid of his stupid extra loud clock collection!
986
00:59:40,610 --> 00:59:45,790
(buzzing)
987
00:59:51,050 --> 00:59:52,690
[Kevin] Oh don't worry honey.
988
00:59:52,710 --> 00:59:57,340
He had too much blood in him. So he had to let some out. With a gun.
989
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:03,580
♪♪♪ (radio overheard)
990
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,230
[Bill] Uh oh. We've got a The Happening on our hands!
991
01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:08,610
[Mike] Yep. Here comes Wahlberg.
992
01:00:08,630 --> 01:00:11,330
[Kevin] What?? Ma'am no!
993
01:00:11,350 --> 01:00:19,370
Stay tuned to this station for further bulletins.
994
01:00:19,390 --> 01:00:23,860
♪♪♪ [Mike] Oh don't cry sweetie. They were probably losers anyway.
995
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:29,180
[Kevin] Come on down to Goody's.
996
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:34,280
If you think these suicides are crazy, wait until you see our low prices!
997
01:00:37,610 --> 01:00:40,330
[Kevin] At Goody's.
998
01:00:40,350 --> 01:00:42,140
[Bill] Good lesson for kids.
999
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:46,840
If someone insists out of nowhere that everything's gonna be okay, you are definitely screwed.
1000
01:00:46,860 --> 01:00:49,650
Let's get some groceries.
1001
01:00:56,510 --> 01:01:01,230
[Mike] Let's just grab some of mommy's special relaxation juice.
1002
01:01:11,870 --> 01:01:14,280
[Kevin] Tell basil I never loved it.
1003
01:01:18,330 --> 01:01:23,150
(buzzing noise)
1004
01:01:23,170 --> 01:01:29,790
[Bill] I'll say it was self defense. Yeah. No jury would convict me. Yeah!! (squish!)
1005
01:01:29,810 --> 01:01:32,180
What do you think you're doing?
1006
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,530
Somebody's gotta clean up that mess you know?
1007
01:01:34,550 --> 01:01:36,910
I'm sorry.
1008
01:01:36,930 --> 01:01:39,260
(screaming)
1009
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:43,700
[Mike] Well, she was the tomato's widow. Just couldn't go on without him.
1010
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:47,890
♪♪♪
1011
01:01:47,910 --> 01:01:50,640
(buzzing)
1012
01:01:50,660 --> 01:01:52,140
[Kevin] Yeah. Guess it could have been the device.
1013
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:56,140
But who hasn't thought of ending it all at Trader Joe's on a busy Saturday?
1014
01:01:56,160 --> 01:02:02,240
♪♪♪
1015
01:02:02,260 --> 01:02:03,830
The renegade ship's in pursuit.
1016
01:02:03,850 --> 01:02:05,380
Full velocity!
1017
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:09,160
[Bill] Full velocity guys! Those cup holders are there for a reason.
1018
01:02:09,180 --> 01:02:13,210
♪♪♪
1019
01:02:13,230 --> 01:02:18,240
[Mike] Yep. This is a scene that plays out at
1020
01:02:18,260 --> 01:02:21,550
every Meatloaf concert rehearsal. (Kevin laughs)
1021
01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:24,410
[Bill] Yep. Meat had another MI.
1022
01:02:24,430 --> 01:02:27,820
[Mike] I would do anything. Ugghh!
1023
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:31,300
♪♪♪
1024
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:33,560
Will he be all right?
Yes.
1025
01:02:33,580 --> 01:02:36,520
[Kevin] This post it bears one of our most inspirational quotes.
1026
01:02:36,540 --> 01:02:39,760
♪♪♪
1027
01:02:39,780 --> 01:02:44,760
♪♪♪
1028
01:02:44,780 --> 01:02:48,010
[Bill] Okay uh. I'll just get back to the in flight feature I guess.
1029
01:02:48,030 --> 01:02:51,630
It's Boss baby!
1030
01:02:51,650 --> 01:02:58,840
♪♪♪ Inform Captain Ramses there's a whole squadron of enemy ships out here.
1031
01:02:58,860 --> 01:03:02,020
[Mike] And say it kind of sassy like "I told you so!"
1032
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:04,190
I will join you.
1033
01:03:04,210 --> 01:03:11,210
♪♪♪
1034
01:03:11,230 --> 01:03:16,030
[Kevin] Take off that "My kid anal probed your honor student" bumper sticker.
1035
01:03:16,050 --> 01:03:19,000
Reports to base immediately.
1036
01:03:19,020 --> 01:03:23,240
We shall destroy this league once and for all.
1037
01:03:23,260 --> 01:03:27,210
[Bill] The Magic the Gathering tournament league. They rejected him one too many times.
1038
01:03:27,230 --> 01:03:35,070
♪♪♪
1039
01:03:35,090 --> 01:03:40,610
♪♪♪ [Mike] David Lynch thinks they're overdoing the red rooms.
1040
01:03:50,150 --> 01:03:51,770
You remain here.
1041
01:03:51,790 --> 01:03:53,360
[Kevin] You embarrass me.
1042
01:03:53,380 --> 01:03:55,570
I will instruct you from command ship.
1043
01:03:55,590 --> 01:03:59,580
We shall destroy these aliens with their own technology.
1044
01:04:04,030 --> 01:04:06,770
[Bill] Meanwhile a scruffy hobo dolphin sees that,
1045
01:04:06,790 --> 01:04:10,400
rubs its eyes and throws away a liquor bottle.
1046
01:04:10,420 --> 01:04:13,250
(humming noises)
1047
01:04:13,270 --> 01:04:19,150
(humming noises)
1048
01:04:19,170 --> 01:04:22,180
[Kevin] Hey guys! Now we're an underwater floating object!
1049
01:04:22,200 --> 01:04:23,420
[Mike] Oh shut up Jerry.
1050
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:24,590
[Kevin] You see? It's the same acronym?
1051
01:04:24,610 --> 01:04:25,760
[Mike] I got it, Jerry.
1052
01:04:25,780 --> 01:04:30,920
(buzzing noise)
1053
01:04:30,940 --> 01:04:33,360
[Kevin] Weee! That my favoritest part!
1054
01:04:33,380 --> 01:04:35,270
[Bill] Quiet Jerry.
1055
01:04:35,290 --> 01:04:40,270
(buzzing noise)
1056
01:04:40,290 --> 01:04:48,590
[Bill] So I can relax with my view master for a few minutes? Taj Mahal? Eiffel Tower.
1057
01:04:48,610 --> 01:04:55,670
♪♪♪
1058
01:04:55,690 --> 01:04:57,990
All ships take battle formation.
1059
01:04:58,010 --> 01:05:00,680
[Mike] And I. you know what? I probably don't say this enough.
1060
01:05:00,700 --> 01:05:04,840
But I'm proud of you guys.
1061
01:05:04,860 --> 01:05:07,170
(whooshing sound) (Bill laughs)
1062
01:05:07,190 --> 01:05:11,490
♪♪♪
1063
01:05:11,510 --> 01:05:14,930
[Kevin] Okay everyone. Time to surprise him by spelling out Happy Birthday Boss!
1064
01:05:14,950 --> 01:05:20,390
♪♪♪
1065
01:05:20,410 --> 01:05:23,960
♪♪♪
1066
01:05:23,980 --> 01:05:28,760
[Bill] Director got the idea for this scene while working at a Jiffy Pop factory.
1067
01:05:28,780 --> 01:05:31,840
Captain Ramses is heading towards us with his entire fleet.
1068
01:05:31,860 --> 01:05:33,720
I doubt his mission is one of peace.
1069
01:05:33,740 --> 01:05:36,540
[Mike] Ha ha. He's the funny one!
1070
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:40,310
♪♪♪ We must wait no longer.
1071
01:05:40,330 --> 01:05:42,610
Let us begin.
1072
01:05:42,630 --> 01:05:45,240
♪♪♪
1073
01:05:45,260 --> 01:05:47,380
♪♪♪
1074
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:49,780
[Kevin] See folks? This is why pollution is actually a good thing.
1075
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:52,860
So no one will want our filthy little planet.
1076
01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:56,420
♪♪♪
1077
01:05:56,440 --> 01:06:01,470
All ships! Enemy approaching! All ships take battle positions.
1078
01:06:01,490 --> 01:06:05,560
[Bill] Hmm. Should watch Friday Night Lights. He's not very good at pep talks.
1079
01:06:05,580 --> 01:06:08,720
♪♪♪
1080
01:06:08,740 --> 01:06:12,900
♪♪♪
1081
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:15,590
♪♪♪
1082
01:06:15,610 --> 01:06:22,610
[Mike] Yep. Kids in the 70s were just crazy about flying saucer effects from the 50s.
1083
01:06:22,630 --> 01:06:25,390
Second subordinate.
1084
01:06:25,410 --> 01:06:27,550
Drop to the fifth vector.
1085
01:06:27,570 --> 01:06:29,180
loose formation.
1086
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:30,800
Do not become easy targets.
1087
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,110
[Kevin] Oh, I'm glad you said something.
1088
01:06:32,130 --> 01:06:35,690
Because my plan was definitely to become an easy target. Thanks.
1089
01:06:35,710 --> 01:06:39,110
♪♪♪
1090
01:06:39,130 --> 01:06:41,940
♪♪♪
1091
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,230
[Bill] Like watching someone else play a pinball game.
1092
01:06:44,250 --> 01:06:46,940
But without all the fun and excitement.
1093
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:52,810
♪♪♪
1094
01:06:52,830 --> 01:06:57,080
♪♪♪ [Mike] No you fools! The VGA lasers aren't working.
1095
01:06:57,100 --> 01:07:00,910
Upgrade to super VGA! (buzzing noises)
1096
01:07:00,930 --> 01:07:04,390
(buzzing noises)
1097
01:07:04,410 --> 01:07:07,800
[Kevin] Oh no! Not Chip! He just earned enough to pay for dental school.
1098
01:07:07,820 --> 01:07:10,680
Superior probabilities by using our base computer.
1099
01:07:10,700 --> 01:07:15,100
♪♪♪
1100
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,310
Second squadron is coming now.
1101
01:07:17,330 --> 01:07:20,150
[Bill] Everyone's sweating.
1102
01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:23,120
Thinking about the cyanide pills they keep in their little hats.
1103
01:07:23,140 --> 01:07:25,890
♪♪♪
1104
01:07:25,910 --> 01:07:30,850
♪♪♪
1105
01:07:30,870 --> 01:07:33,940
[Mike] This is why laser weapon technology has never taken off.
1106
01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:42,540
The noises are just too annoying! ♪♪♪
1107
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:48,240
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Nickels shooting glow sticks at each other. Starship Invasions!
1108
01:07:48,260 --> 01:07:52,940
♪♪♪
1109
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:56,340
♪♪♪
1110
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:59,110
[Bill] Someone's shuffling their socks across the carpet.
1111
01:07:59,130 --> 01:08:03,610
(on TV) I think it's really awful. I think it's completely wrong.
1112
01:08:03,630 --> 01:08:06,010
It's immoral.
1113
01:08:06,030 --> 01:08:09,790
They're just digging big holes and dropping people into it.
1114
01:08:09,810 --> 01:08:12,060
Like dead dogs.
1115
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:14,390
What about the disease that these dead bodies could spread through the city?
1116
01:08:14,410 --> 01:08:16,300
People going around killing themselves.
1117
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:18,670
And if they keep doing that, there's not gonna
1118
01:08:18,690 --> 01:08:20,650
be anybody left to get the disease anyway.
1119
01:08:20,670 --> 01:08:23,340
I've seen people who are okay one minute.
1120
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,210
And the next minute.
1121
01:08:25,230 --> 01:08:29,400
[Mike] Hmm. I'd switch this off if it wasn't curbing her son of sam obsession.
1122
01:08:29,420 --> 01:08:32,350
Ran straight at this speeding car.
1123
01:08:32,370 --> 01:08:35,420
Completely insane look on her face.
1124
01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:40,410
[Kevin] The scene brought to you by the many, many shades of mustard.
1125
01:08:40,430 --> 01:08:46,950
(sighs)
1126
01:08:46,970 --> 01:08:49,690
(bowl falls)
1127
01:08:49,710 --> 01:08:51,310
No!
1128
01:08:51,330 --> 01:08:53,970
[Bill] Oil mixed with vinegar? My salad is ruined!
1129
01:08:53,990 --> 01:08:59,820
Oh!
1130
01:08:59,840 --> 01:09:05,090
[Mike] Well, little early in the day for scrawling symbols in blood. But why not?
1131
01:09:09,260 --> 01:09:13,640
[Kevin] She could make a full body cast if she had a CVS receipt.
1132
01:09:13,660 --> 01:09:17,490
♪♪♪
1133
01:09:17,510 --> 01:09:21,500
[Bill] It was between that and the cast of Alice for this week's cover.
1134
01:09:21,520 --> 01:09:26,010
♪♪♪
1135
01:09:26,030 --> 01:09:30,870
[Mike] Plus, wedding bells for Kate Jackson??
1136
01:09:30,890 --> 01:09:39,870
♪♪♪
1137
01:09:40,970 --> 01:09:45,450
[Kevin] Huh. The Andersons built a guillotine!
1138
01:09:45,470 --> 01:09:49,750
Mommy? Oh mommy!
1139
01:09:49,770 --> 01:09:55,460
[Bill] Don't, bury me in that macaroni necklace you made. Looks so stupid.
1140
01:09:55,480 --> 01:09:59,200
♪♪♪
1141
01:09:59,220 --> 01:10:02,420
♪♪♪
1142
01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:04,340
[Mike] Steady now.
1143
01:10:04,360 --> 01:10:07,710
Or you're liable to crash into one of the universe's twenty nine stars.
1144
01:10:07,730 --> 01:10:10,000
[Kevin] Hurt a lot.
1145
01:10:10,020 --> 01:10:14,810
♪♪♪
1146
01:10:14,830 --> 01:10:22,400
[Kevin] Hey! My favorite three blue dudes! how's it hanging?
1147
01:10:22,420 --> 01:10:25,830
♪♪♪ I don't think it would be wise to tell the researcher about his wife at this time.
1148
01:10:25,850 --> 01:10:29,270
We promised we would return him to his family.
1149
01:10:29,290 --> 01:10:33,130
And we will. If we survive.
1150
01:10:33,150 --> 01:10:35,050
[Bill] Vocal track sounds a little tinny.
1151
01:10:35,070 --> 01:10:41,520
Gonna try and boost on the low end.
1152
01:10:41,540 --> 01:10:48,180
♪♪♪ [Mike] Oil, can! I'm kidding. My titanium joints can't rust.
1153
01:10:48,200 --> 01:10:52,010
Receiving weak signal from base.
1154
01:10:52,030 --> 01:10:53,870
Wait. I think it's Durbal.
1155
01:10:53,890 --> 01:10:55,650
[Kevin] I think it's terrible too.
1156
01:10:55,670 --> 01:10:57,690
[Bill] I don't think that's it.
1157
01:10:57,710 --> 01:11:04,450
I think, I can replace, my my power pack.
1158
01:11:04,470 --> 01:11:13,449
[Bill] Oh I inserted right side up. Otherwise we're all scripppp! Whooosh!
1159
01:11:14,570 --> 01:11:21,600
[Mike] He's the robot Boston Dynamics never talks about. ♪♪♪
1160
01:11:21,620 --> 01:11:26,920
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Ugh. Why didn't I pay those loan sharks back?
1161
01:11:26,940 --> 01:11:31,630
♪♪♪ [Bill] Suck my thumbs.
1162
01:11:31,650 --> 01:11:35,860
[Bill] Yeah. I'd avoid any obstacle that could trip up a slinky.
1163
01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:37,520
Durbal?
1164
01:11:37,540 --> 01:11:39,540
You must try and get to the communications room.
1165
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:42,520
I will try.
1166
01:11:42,540 --> 01:11:44,340
[Mike] Hard to believe the fate of the world could be
1167
01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:47,990
so easily swayed by a geriatric stairlift.
1168
01:11:48,010 --> 01:11:51,280
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Durbal.
1169
01:11:51,300 --> 01:11:55,440
He's like a gerbil in that Richard Gere also wants to put it up his.
1170
01:11:55,460 --> 01:11:57,620
[Mike] Alright. That's been debunked.
1171
01:11:57,640 --> 01:12:00,210
The enemy with communications room.
1172
01:12:00,230 --> 01:12:04,840
Durbal? Durbal where are you?
1173
01:12:04,860 --> 01:12:09,840
[Bill] Tragic. He was only two teraflops away from retirement.
1174
01:12:09,860 --> 01:12:14,440
♪♪♪
1175
01:12:14,460 --> 01:12:19,500
[Mike] Awful what a life of rocking him and socking him could do to a robot's brain.
1176
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:22,230
(Bill laughs)
1177
01:12:22,250 --> 01:12:23,850
Answer me Durbal!
1178
01:12:23,870 --> 01:12:25,930
[Kevin] Would it help if I shut down Firefox?
1179
01:12:25,950 --> 01:12:31,050
♪♪♪
1180
01:12:31,070 --> 01:12:36,590
♪♪♪ [Bill] (robot voice) Why haven't you played my demo tape yet?
1181
01:12:36,610 --> 01:12:39,220
You told me it was fresh!
1182
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:42,500
♪♪♪
1183
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:45,570
(buzzing noise) ♪♪♪
1184
01:12:45,590 --> 01:12:48,070
Enemy eliminated.
1185
01:12:48,090 --> 01:12:50,080
Very good Durbal.
1186
01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:55,600
[Kevin] Uh huh. I'm so gonna be replaced by a human, I just know it.
1187
01:12:55,620 --> 01:12:59,500
Base control? Where are you? I'm not receiving you?
1188
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:04,520
[Bill] Just quick. Loosen some lug nuts here.
1189
01:13:04,540 --> 01:13:08,420
[Mike] Durbal.
1190
01:13:08,440 --> 01:13:12,300
♪♪♪ [Bill] Bunching up.
1191
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:15,050
[Mike] Ah ha! Stand on end, earth hair!
1192
01:13:15,070 --> 01:13:19,090
♪♪♪
1193
01:13:19,110 --> 01:13:21,840
♪♪♪ Well done Durbal.
1194
01:13:21,860 --> 01:13:23,820
Excellent.
1195
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,900
This is your captain! What has happened?
1196
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:28,570
Reply immediately. What has happened?
1197
01:13:28,590 --> 01:13:31,300
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Don't hang towels on me okay? (Bill laughs)
1198
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:34,770
(explosion)
1199
01:13:34,790 --> 01:13:42,370
(explosions) ♪♪♪
1200
01:13:42,390 --> 01:13:44,030
[Bill] His mittens are connected by a piece of
1201
01:13:44,050 --> 01:13:45,600
yarn running through his space suit.
1202
01:13:45,620 --> 01:13:48,530
[Kevin] Cute.
1203
01:13:48,550 --> 01:13:50,490
Very good Durbal.
1204
01:13:50,510 --> 01:13:52,520
Keep programming the enemy ship
1205
01:13:52,540 --> 01:13:55,600
[Mike] Yeah. Thanks for the human splaining. I'll take it from here.
1206
01:13:55,620 --> 01:13:57,820
(explosions)
1207
01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:03,160
[Bill] The third act is ALL Durbal!
1208
01:14:03,180 --> 01:14:05,750
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Hey you! Who's in the silver ship? Is it us?
1209
01:14:05,770 --> 01:14:08,060
The tide of the battle has turned in our favor.
1210
01:14:08,080 --> 01:14:12,050
Ramses fleet has been destroyed by his own cleverness, thanks to Durbal.
1211
01:14:12,070 --> 01:14:14,290
Can do now is surrender.
1212
01:14:14,310 --> 01:14:16,890
Captain Ramses?
1213
01:14:16,910 --> 01:14:20,320
Do you read me? Your fleet is destroyed.
1214
01:14:20,340 --> 01:14:21,920
[Bill] And if you think that's a slam on your
1215
01:14:21,940 --> 01:14:25,030
own cleverness, well, you're not wrong pal.
1216
01:14:25,050 --> 01:14:26,610
Peacefully.
1217
01:14:26,630 --> 01:14:28,390
We have no interest in any more killing.
1218
01:14:28,410 --> 01:14:32,300
Captain Ramses? Please respond.
1219
01:14:32,320 --> 01:14:34,370
[Mike] Uh Ramses isn't here.
1220
01:14:34,390 --> 01:14:41,140
Look, it's impossible to do voices with telepathy okay? (Bill laughs)
1221
01:14:41,160 --> 01:14:44,420
Ramses! There's no way you can escape.
1222
01:14:44,440 --> 01:14:46,750
You must surrender now!
1223
01:14:46,770 --> 01:14:48,730
[Kevin] Your watch is dilated to four!
1224
01:14:48,750 --> 01:14:51,710
♪♪♪ I ask you again!
1225
01:14:51,730 --> 01:14:54,200
Please respond!
1226
01:14:54,220 --> 01:14:58,870
[Bill] Right. After the second unreturned voice mail, it's time to move on, man.
1227
01:14:58,890 --> 01:15:00,810
Ramses! Ramses?
1228
01:15:00,830 --> 01:15:05,230
♪♪♪
1229
01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:06,960
♪♪♪
1230
01:15:06,980 --> 01:15:10,500
[Mike] Yes. Please. Try to aim for the dark of the moon and kill those transformers.
1231
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:12,350
[Kevin] Please! Please!
1232
01:15:12,370 --> 01:15:15,620
(explosion)
1233
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:20,840
[Kevin] And property values along the Sea of Tranquility just plummeted.
1234
01:15:20,860 --> 01:15:27,560
[Bill] So. Got anymore of that space ritalin?
1235
01:15:27,580 --> 01:15:35,010
Our work is not yet completed.
1236
01:15:35,030 --> 01:15:37,670
Yes. Proceed to earth.
1237
01:15:37,690 --> 01:15:40,680
[Mike] Set wedgies to atomic. ♪♪♪
1238
01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:46,470
♪♪♪
1239
01:15:46,490 --> 01:15:48,410
[Kevin] A young Phoebe Buffay contemplates a
1240
01:15:48,430 --> 01:15:52,930
life singing folk songs at a Manhattan coffee shop.
1241
01:15:52,950 --> 01:15:58,200
♪♪♪
1242
01:15:58,220 --> 01:16:02,400
♪♪♪ [Bill] Hmm. Wonder if those leftover tator tots are still good?
1243
01:16:02,420 --> 01:16:07,950
♪♪♪
1244
01:16:07,970 --> 01:16:12,840
[Mike] Yes, commander Pippi Longstockings. I will join your army.
1245
01:16:12,860 --> 01:16:18,050
♪♪♪
1246
01:16:18,070 --> 01:16:21,440
♪♪♪ [Kevin] (high voice) Ice cream man! Ice cream man! Ice cream man!
1247
01:16:21,460 --> 01:16:24,680
♪♪♪
1248
01:16:24,700 --> 01:16:29,640
♪♪♪
1249
01:16:29,660 --> 01:16:32,790
[Bill] Daddy! Daddy! Mommy broke a vase!
1250
01:16:32,810 --> 01:16:38,050
♪♪♪
1251
01:16:38,070 --> 01:16:40,700
♪♪♪ [Mike] Well, they're not kidding, when
1252
01:16:40,720 --> 01:16:43,710
they say Europe has a better health care system. (Kevin laughs)
1253
01:16:43,730 --> 01:16:50,060
♪♪♪
1254
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:52,890
[Kevin] Okay now. You'll want to go easy on this lemur brain.
1255
01:16:52,910 --> 01:16:55,670
The last owner was pretty rough on it.
1256
01:16:55,690 --> 01:16:57,670
[Bill] Lemur.
1257
01:16:57,690 --> 01:17:00,700
♪♪♪
1258
01:17:00,720 --> 01:17:02,590
[Bill] Maybe give the formerly deceased some
1259
01:17:02,610 --> 01:17:05,380
time to resuscitate before making passes
1260
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:11,020
♪♪♪
1261
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:15,090
♪♪♪ [Mike] Oh honey! You'll never guess whose lifeless body I knelt over today!
1262
01:17:15,110 --> 01:17:18,760
♪♪♪
1263
01:17:18,780 --> 01:17:25,480
♪♪♪
1264
01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:29,190
[Kevin] Ah ha HALLIN it's you!!
1265
01:17:29,210 --> 01:17:33,770
♪♪♪
1266
01:17:33,790 --> 01:17:42,735
[Bill] Ugh. Did you brush your teeth this past year sweetie? Like at all? Ugh. ♪♪♪
1267
01:17:43,770 --> 01:17:45,600
♪♪♪ [Mike] And uh? Little girl? What's your name?
1268
01:17:45,620 --> 01:17:47,970
[Bill] Diane, you idiot.
1269
01:17:47,990 --> 01:17:54,000
♪♪♪
1270
01:17:54,020 --> 01:17:57,650
[Kevin] Hey aliens! You want to revive the hundred million people who also died?
1271
01:17:57,670 --> 01:18:02,170
[Bill] Sorry. The life gun's at 15%. And I left the micro USB charger at home.
1272
01:18:02,190 --> 01:18:05,120
We'll catch you at the next suicidefest alright?
1273
01:18:05,140 --> 01:18:06,900
[Mike] I truly hope they don't.
1274
01:18:06,920 --> 01:18:10,280
But folks, we do hope you enjoyed our riff of Starship Invasions.
1275
01:18:10,300 --> 01:18:15,750
Starshap I call it. That's my. Guys? I'm good with that. I'm gonna leave that there.
1276
01:18:15,770 --> 01:18:17,530
(Bill and Kevin) StarSHAP.
1277
01:18:17,550 --> 01:18:19,370
[Bill] That's what it's gonna be from now on.
1278
01:18:19,390 --> 01:18:21,460
[Mike] Uh, Kevin Murphy any final thoughts?
1279
01:18:21,480 --> 01:18:23,490
[Kevin] Yep. Suicide is painless!
1280
01:18:23,510 --> 01:18:25,000
[Mike] How about you Bill?
1281
01:18:25,020 --> 01:18:26,490
[Bill] I'm building my own Durbal robot.
1282
01:18:26,510 --> 01:18:28,880
And don't ask what's it's for. Because it's none of your business.
1283
01:18:28,900 --> 01:18:31,210
Does not involve probing.
1284
01:18:31,230 --> 01:18:33,230
[Mike] That's fair.
1285
01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:37,130
And speaking of fair, if you did happened upon this riff of Starshap Invasions,
1286
01:18:37,150 --> 01:18:40,020
anywhere but our site, why don't you head over to RiffTrax
1287
01:18:40,040 --> 01:18:44,600
and square your cosmic energy, will ya?
1288
01:18:44,620 --> 01:18:46,510
See you next time at RiffTrax!
1289
01:18:46,530 --> 01:18:48,300
[Kevin] RiffTrahaaax!
1290
01:18:48,320 --> 01:18:52,530
[Bill] Listen to some Jefferson Starshap!
1291
01:18:52,550 --> 01:18:55,160
♪♪♪
1292
01:18:55,180 --> 01:18:59,200
♪♪♪
1293
01:18:59,220 --> 01:19:03,380
♪♪♪
1294
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:07,570
♪♪♪
1295
01:19:07,590 --> 01:19:11,750
♪♪♪
1296
01:19:11,770 --> 01:19:15,780
♪♪♪
1297
01:19:15,800 --> 01:19:19,960
♪♪♪
1298
01:19:19,980 --> 01:19:23,980
♪♪♪
1299
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:28,150
♪♪♪
1300
01:19:28,170 --> 01:19:32,330
♪♪♪
1301
01:19:32,350 --> 01:19:36,520
♪♪♪
1302
01:19:36,540 --> 01:19:40,690
♪♪♪
1303
01:19:40,710 --> 01:19:44,880
♪♪♪
1304
01:19:44,900 --> 01:19:49,060
♪♪♪
1305
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:53,250
♪♪♪
1306
01:19:53,270 --> 01:19:57,440
♪♪♪
1307
01:19:57,460 --> 01:20:01,640
♪♪♪
1308
01:20:01,660 --> 01:20:05,130
♪♪♪
1309
01:20:05,150 --> 01:20:09,790
It's time for RiffTrax! RiffTrax!
1310
01:20:09,810 --> 01:20:13,260
Copyright by RiffTrax. All rights reserved.
97496
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