All language subtitles for Sirens (2014) - 02x05 - All the Single Ladies.KILLERS.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,861 --> 00:00:04,895 I can't believe you got us 2 00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,496 working the goddamn night shift, Brian. 3 00:00:06,498 --> 00:00:08,065 It's essential to my training. 4 00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:09,699 Night shift sucks. 5 00:00:09,701 --> 00:00:11,735 Too many drunks and none of them are me. 6 00:00:11,737 --> 00:00:13,170 Can't bring me down, guys. 7 00:00:13,172 --> 00:00:17,207 Tonight we are saving lives in the dark. 8 00:00:17,209 --> 00:00:19,676 Oh, my God, Brian, look at you... you're so excited. 9 00:00:19,678 --> 00:00:21,144 Can you tell? 10 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,780 Brian, if you had a tail, it'd be wagging right now. 11 00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:26,316 I can't believe you let this shit happen, mousse. 12 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,618 You do realize... Of course I realize. 13 00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:29,719 What? 14 00:00:29,721 --> 00:00:32,722 - Big sports week. - Not big, colossal. 15 00:00:32,724 --> 00:00:34,057 Three major professional athletic seasons 16 00:00:34,059 --> 00:00:36,460 intersect this week... Only happens twice a year. 17 00:00:36,462 --> 00:00:38,361 - Really? - Uh, yeah, really. 18 00:00:38,363 --> 00:00:41,031 'Cause of you, we're missing five of the best games all year. 19 00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:42,632 - Five. - Five. 20 00:00:42,634 --> 00:00:44,701 You guys ever think maybe you shouldn't place 21 00:00:44,703 --> 00:00:47,003 so much of your life happiness on games other people play? 22 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,105 No. 23 00:00:48,107 --> 00:00:49,239 I don't understand the question. 24 00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,507 All right, who wants to get their drink on 25 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,842 and responsibly take public transportation home? 26 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,143 I would like that. I would like that very much. 27 00:00:53,145 --> 00:00:54,911 You would like that? Would you like that? 28 00:00:54,913 --> 00:00:56,413 - Would you? - Pick me. 29 00:00:56,415 --> 00:00:58,081 Have fun, guys. 30 00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,484 - See ya later. - Bye. 31 00:01:00,486 --> 00:01:03,253 You fellas have a good evening. 32 00:01:03,255 --> 00:01:05,288 Go, just go. God. 33 00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,894 Hey, day-pussies, welcome to the night. 34 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,629 What's up, Dinero? 35 00:01:12,631 --> 00:01:14,965 There's only one thing you all need to know. 36 00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:18,568 There are six ice-cold black cherry sodas in the fridge, 37 00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,103 and if any of you touches one, 38 00:01:20,105 --> 00:01:22,139 you won't live to see your precious sun. 39 00:01:22,141 --> 00:01:23,974 Black Cherry sodas. 40 00:01:23,976 --> 00:01:25,475 That's what I like about you, Dinero, 41 00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:27,444 always keeping it old school. 42 00:01:27,446 --> 00:01:30,614 I told you before, Dinero's not my goddamn name. 43 00:01:30,616 --> 00:01:31,615 It's Luis. 44 00:01:31,617 --> 00:01:34,017 Right. Sorry, Dinero... Luis. 45 00:01:34,019 --> 00:01:36,620 Stupid mouth. 46 00:01:36,622 --> 00:01:37,621 Thank you. 47 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:02,761 Sync & Corrected by Darcade - Addic7ed.com - 48 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,025 Was that a gunshot? 49 00:02:15,027 --> 00:02:17,527 Yeah, Brian, it was a gunshot in Chicago at night. 50 00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:19,496 What'd you think this was gonna look like? 51 00:02:19,498 --> 00:02:21,898 I don't wanna say. 52 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,300 Well, now you gotta say. 53 00:02:23,302 --> 00:02:25,835 Let me preface this by saying that I had three cups of tea 54 00:02:25,837 --> 00:02:27,837 trying to reset my circadian rhythm for the night... 55 00:02:27,839 --> 00:02:29,673 Oh, spit it out. 56 00:02:29,675 --> 00:02:31,942 The Thriller video, I thought it'd be like the Thriller video 57 00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:35,545 with a touch of Smooth Criminal, which is not that crazy 58 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:38,648 because the song was originally called Chicago 1945. 59 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:39,816 I remember that video. 60 00:02:39,818 --> 00:02:41,251 Michael Jackson had the Tommy Gun, right? 61 00:02:41,253 --> 00:02:42,252 Yeah, he had that cool lean. 62 00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:43,787 You know you tried that lean. 63 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:44,854 Dude, I could do that lean right now. 64 00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:46,790 No way, bro. He had special shoes. 65 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,158 What, you saying my shoes ain't special? 66 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,927 Not that special. 67 00:02:50,929 --> 00:02:54,464 - All right, boys in blue. - Wow. 68 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,533 - It's only 8:15. - Yep. 69 00:02:56,535 --> 00:03:01,004 Hey, 14, I'm one Black Cherry short. 70 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:03,373 Hey, Dinero, wasn't me. Was it you, Johnny? 71 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,574 Certainly not. 72 00:03:04,576 --> 00:03:05,709 How about you, Brian? 73 00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:07,043 Oh, hey, what's that sound? 74 00:03:07,045 --> 00:03:08,612 It sounds like it's coming from Brian's bag. 75 00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:11,081 Brian, what's rattling around in your bag? 76 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,116 - Oh! - Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! 77 00:03:13,118 --> 00:03:14,918 I didn't put it there. I was framed. 78 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:15,919 Hey, we found it, Dinero. 79 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:17,254 I don't wanna name names 80 00:03:17,256 --> 00:03:19,556 'cause we all in it together, but it was Brian. 81 00:03:19,558 --> 00:03:21,491 You better not open it, son. 82 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,726 Brian! 83 00:03:22,728 --> 00:03:25,562 - He brazen. - No, no, I'm not that brazen. 84 00:03:25,564 --> 00:03:26,730 Listen, Luis, please. 85 00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:28,431 I'll deal with you later, vato. 86 00:03:29,434 --> 00:03:32,135 Mmm. 87 00:03:32,137 --> 00:03:34,537 Oh, my God, what does vato mean? 88 00:03:34,539 --> 00:03:36,072 Relax, it means "dude." 89 00:03:36,074 --> 00:03:38,241 I like that. 90 00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:42,012 My first night shift and I already have a killer nickname. 91 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,547 Vato wants a hit of that Black Cherry. 92 00:03:44,549 --> 00:03:49,352 Night shift. 93 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,588 Whoa, packs a wallop. 94 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:54,291 Ambulance needed, 625 Valtierra Street. 95 00:03:54,293 --> 00:03:57,294 Ambulance 14 responding. What we looking at? 96 00:03:57,296 --> 00:03:59,663 I couldn't tell you. There was a lot of screaming. 97 00:03:59,665 --> 00:04:02,299 Buckle up, Bri. You got your night shift. 98 00:04:12,777 --> 00:04:14,644 This doesn't look so bad. 99 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,150 Whatever's on the other side of this door is your fault, 100 00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:21,151 Brian. 101 00:04:22,521 --> 00:04:24,087 They're here. 102 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,655 We're not supposed to let strangers in. 103 00:04:25,657 --> 00:04:26,956 Ooh, they're cute. 104 00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:29,059 Uh, is somebody hurt, girls? 105 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,995 Caitlyn's mom is dying. 106 00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,496 Shut up, MacKenzie. 107 00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,098 She's not dying. She just tripped. 108 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,566 Don't be so emo. 109 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,702 That sound she made, it's the exact same sound 110 00:04:38,704 --> 00:04:40,603 my grandpa made when he died. 111 00:04:40,605 --> 00:04:42,539 - Okay. - Can you tell me where she is? 112 00:04:42,541 --> 00:04:43,807 My mom's in the kitchen. 113 00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:44,908 - Right this way? - Where's the kitchen at? 114 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:45,909 - Through here? - Right over there. 115 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:47,043 - Take a left. - Okay. 116 00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:50,613 Could you just watch them, just 45 minutes? 117 00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:51,748 I understand. Look... 118 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,417 Oh, the paramedics are here. I gotta go. 119 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,721 - Hi, hi, I'm Sheila. - Hi, Sheila, what happened? 120 00:04:57,723 --> 00:04:59,022 Oh, my wrist. 121 00:04:59,024 --> 00:05:00,757 I, um, I'm such a klutz. 122 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,726 I... I was carrying the karaoke machine, 123 00:05:02,728 --> 00:05:05,895 and I guess I just slipped on some ice cream. 124 00:05:05,897 --> 00:05:07,197 Zoe. 125 00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:09,099 Yeah, ma'am, looks like you have a fracture. 126 00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,834 We're gonna have to take you to the hospital. 127 00:05:10,836 --> 00:05:13,103 I don't have anyone to watch the kids. 128 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:16,139 Is this something that I could just put off until tomorrow? 129 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,941 Aren't you in a lot of pain right now? 130 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:20,210 Not nearly as much as the last three years. 131 00:05:20,212 --> 00:05:22,145 I'm joking... ah!... ish. 132 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:25,014 We're gonna put an air cast on this just to stabilize it, 133 00:05:25,016 --> 00:05:28,051 but then we gotta take you in. 134 00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:29,819 All right, okay, um, 135 00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:32,555 I'm sorry, girls, it looks like the slumber party is over. 136 00:05:32,557 --> 00:05:33,790 Everyone needs to call their parents. 137 00:05:37,662 --> 00:05:39,562 Mom, please, it's my birthday. 138 00:05:39,564 --> 00:05:41,798 I've been waiting for forever for tonight. 139 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,434 I'm really sorry, sweetie. 140 00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:45,668 I thought 11 was going to be different, 141 00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:47,971 but it's just more of the same. 142 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,706 It's exactly like when we had to go home 143 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:51,541 from Jodi's sleepover. 144 00:05:51,543 --> 00:05:54,511 That was so lame, it ruined her. 145 00:05:54,513 --> 00:05:57,013 - Who's Jodi? - Exactly. 146 00:05:57,015 --> 00:06:01,584 Okay, I can get you in and out of city hospital in an hour. 147 00:06:01,586 --> 00:06:03,052 These guys can watch your girls for you. 148 00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:04,554 - What? - Great idea. 149 00:06:04,556 --> 00:06:06,122 Johnny and the vato will take care of it. 150 00:06:06,124 --> 00:06:08,158 No, no, no, I'm not watching a bunch of little girls. 151 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,359 Yeah, I don't know. 152 00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:11,361 They work in an ambulance, Mom. 153 00:06:11,363 --> 00:06:13,329 They're like the safest people on the whole planet 154 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,064 - you could leave us with. - Yeah! 155 00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:17,100 And Johnny's girlfriend's a cop, so... 156 00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:18,802 - What's her name? - Is she pretty? 157 00:06:18,804 --> 00:06:21,871 Oh, so pretty, so pretty. 158 00:06:24,542 --> 00:06:26,543 Okay. 159 00:06:26,545 --> 00:06:28,411 - Yeah! - Yes! 160 00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:30,013 Thank you. This is so nice of you guys. 161 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,648 - Oh, no, absolutely. - Thank you. 162 00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:32,949 I'm hungry. 163 00:06:32,951 --> 00:06:35,485 Oh, um, hey, can I have a word with you for a second? 164 00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,520 Brian, will you get this young lady something to eat? 165 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,889 Hope you like grilled cheese. It's my specialty. 166 00:06:39,891 --> 00:06:42,192 Thank you so much. This is so nice of you guys. 167 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,726 - No. - Come on, man. 168 00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,428 This woman's clearly on her own. You know how hard that can be. 169 00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:47,363 Yeah, but why do you get to take her? 170 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,165 - Seniority. - Oh, please. 171 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,400 Reparations. 172 00:06:50,402 --> 00:06:51,534 That's why I give you rides to the airport. 173 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,535 I helped you move into your new place. 174 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,837 I gave you pizza and beer. 175 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:55,271 Since when did people decide that pizza and beer 176 00:06:55,273 --> 00:06:56,606 was enough of a thank-you for helping someone move? 177 00:06:56,608 --> 00:06:57,974 It's not enough. It's never been enough. 178 00:06:57,976 --> 00:07:00,210 Come on, Sheila. Let's get you to the hospital. 179 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,145 Don't let them eat anything with tree nuts. 180 00:07:02,147 --> 00:07:03,513 Like, three of them are allergic. 181 00:07:03,515 --> 00:07:07,550 And don't let them watch any R-rated movies. 182 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,352 Uh, what about sports? 183 00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:10,353 Which sport? 184 00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:12,055 - Hockey. - Okay. 185 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,357 Caitlyn, you be on your best behavior. 186 00:07:14,359 --> 00:07:16,459 - Promise. - Okay. All right. 187 00:07:16,461 --> 00:07:19,929 So did anybody here like the movie Frozen? 188 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,735 Yeah. 189 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,570 We're gonna have quite a night. 190 00:07:34,706 --> 00:07:37,640 - This is nice. - Huh? 191 00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:40,978 I haven't been out past 9:00 P.M. without my kid in years. 192 00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:42,846 Mm. 193 00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:46,784 Let alone with a handsome man. 194 00:07:46,786 --> 00:07:47,951 Gay. 195 00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:49,453 What? 196 00:07:49,455 --> 00:07:51,388 Gay. I'm gay. 197 00:07:51,390 --> 00:07:52,423 Gay, gay, gay. 198 00:07:52,425 --> 00:07:54,191 Really gay. 199 00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:58,896 Oh, that is even better. 200 00:07:58,898 --> 00:08:01,565 Oh, to be honest, I was already a little exhausted 201 00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:03,000 just getting up the nerve to hit on you. 202 00:08:03,002 --> 00:08:06,069 Besides, I am so in the market for a gay best friend right now. 203 00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,906 Not that type of gay. 204 00:08:08,908 --> 00:08:10,307 What? 205 00:08:10,309 --> 00:08:12,242 Not a girl's gay. Look. 206 00:08:12,244 --> 00:08:13,310 I'm flattered, but I promise you, 207 00:08:13,312 --> 00:08:14,478 I'm not what you're looking for. 208 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,914 I do not go dancing. I do not go shopping. 209 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:19,450 I do not watch Dance Moms and make bitchy comments. 210 00:08:19,452 --> 00:08:21,418 What is your stance on wine tastings? 211 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:25,222 - Beer. - Just checking. 212 00:08:25,224 --> 00:08:28,325 You know, I used to have a ton of gay best friends. 213 00:08:28,327 --> 00:08:30,928 In college, I had, like, three. 214 00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:33,130 And then they all drop you when you get married. 215 00:08:33,132 --> 00:08:34,765 I bet they all showed up to the wedding, though. 216 00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:36,433 They were in every goddamn picture. 217 00:08:36,435 --> 00:08:39,069 Mm-hmm, typical. 218 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:45,476 Great cartwheel, Caitlyn. 219 00:08:45,478 --> 00:08:47,744 Nailed that high note, MacKenzie, I'm serious. 220 00:08:47,746 --> 00:08:49,613 Johnny! Johnny, over here! 221 00:08:49,615 --> 00:08:51,482 - Johnny, look here! - That's cool. 222 00:08:51,484 --> 00:08:53,217 Johnny, you're supposed to watch the show. 223 00:08:53,219 --> 00:08:54,952 These girls are performing their hearts out for you. 224 00:08:54,954 --> 00:08:56,820 So are the Backhawks. They're up two to one. 225 00:08:56,822 --> 00:08:58,522 - Can I braid your hair? - No. 226 00:08:58,524 --> 00:08:59,756 You can braid my hair. 227 00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,992 Uh, Johnny's hair is way prettier. 228 00:09:01,994 --> 00:09:03,727 Mine has more body. 229 00:09:03,729 --> 00:09:07,764 Okay, everybody, the next act in the show is going to be... 230 00:09:07,766 --> 00:09:09,600 Beyonce! 231 00:09:09,602 --> 00:09:12,069 Great, wonderful. Which song? 232 00:09:12,071 --> 00:09:13,937 Maybe a little Single Ladies, perhaps? 233 00:09:13,939 --> 00:09:16,206 That song came out when we were, like, born. 234 00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:17,374 Drunk In Love. 235 00:09:17,376 --> 00:09:20,177 Yeah,Drunk In Love, and I'm Beyonce. 236 00:09:20,179 --> 00:09:22,145 It's my house. I get to be Beyonce. 237 00:09:22,147 --> 00:09:24,281 It is her house, Susan. 238 00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:25,849 I could be Beyonce. 239 00:09:25,851 --> 00:09:27,885 Okay, you can't always be Beyonce 240 00:09:27,887 --> 00:09:28,886 just because you're black. 241 00:09:28,888 --> 00:09:30,454 That's racist. 242 00:09:30,456 --> 00:09:32,389 Well, maybe you're racist because you think 243 00:09:32,391 --> 00:09:34,625 I only wanna be Beyonce because I'm black. 244 00:09:34,627 --> 00:09:37,494 You're racist because you think I think that. 245 00:09:37,496 --> 00:09:40,297 Maybe Beyonce's black and white, like Obama, 246 00:09:40,299 --> 00:09:42,132 so you're both racist! 247 00:09:42,134 --> 00:09:44,701 Beyonce is black. 248 00:09:44,703 --> 00:09:47,004 Johnny, which one of us is racist? 249 00:09:47,006 --> 00:09:49,306 You can... you can all be racist or Beyonce. 250 00:09:49,308 --> 00:09:50,440 Hell, you can be president. Dream big, girls. 251 00:09:50,442 --> 00:09:52,042 Whoa, they can't all be Beyonce. 252 00:09:52,044 --> 00:09:53,577 I mean, there's only one Beyonce. 253 00:09:53,579 --> 00:09:55,846 Well, I have the most dance experience. 254 00:09:55,848 --> 00:09:57,080 Tap doesn't count. 255 00:09:57,082 --> 00:09:59,917 Again, it's my house and my birthday. 256 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:02,952 Brian, what is going on? 257 00:10:02,955 --> 00:10:04,588 Um, I'm trying to put on a show. 258 00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:08,592 Yeah, well, I'm gonna watch the game in the kitchen. 259 00:10:08,594 --> 00:10:10,827 Call me if somebody draws blood. 260 00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:17,100 Maybe we should have some Beyonce tryouts, girls. 261 00:10:17,102 --> 00:10:18,101 Not now! 262 00:10:18,103 --> 00:10:20,404 Okay, okay, sorry. 263 00:10:20,406 --> 00:10:22,806 Don't worry, I'm gonna pull some strings 264 00:10:22,808 --> 00:10:25,342 and get you back home before you know it. 265 00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:28,679 And while we're at it, maybe we can find you a new best friend. 266 00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:30,614 A lot of gay men at this hospital. 267 00:10:30,616 --> 00:10:31,982 At all hospitals, actually. 268 00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:33,150 Yeah, why is that? 269 00:10:33,152 --> 00:10:36,219 Grey's Anatomy. Hey, Carlos! 270 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:37,454 Now, that's Carlos, 271 00:10:37,456 --> 00:10:38,956 former competitive ballroom dancer. 272 00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:39,990 Promising. 273 00:10:39,992 --> 00:10:41,925 Lives to shop, just an okay kisser... 274 00:10:41,927 --> 00:10:44,261 Not that that's relevant to you. 275 00:10:44,263 --> 00:10:46,830 I just want someone who can make me feel like a woman again, 276 00:10:46,832 --> 00:10:48,932 - you know? - Hmm, no. 277 00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:50,434 Like sometimes, I wanna be whisked away. 278 00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:52,235 Hi, pretty lady. 279 00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:53,770 Looks like you're my V.I.P. tonight. 280 00:10:53,772 --> 00:10:55,939 It's already happening. 281 00:10:55,941 --> 00:10:58,542 Mm-hmm. I got faith. 282 00:11:00,379 --> 00:11:02,112 Make 'em stop laughing at us. 283 00:11:02,114 --> 00:11:04,982 Okay, yeah, girls, that does sound like mean laughter, okay? 284 00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:06,450 Well, they're tattletaling. 285 00:11:06,452 --> 00:11:09,052 That's... that's true, so one demerit for each. 286 00:11:09,054 --> 00:11:10,387 So moving forward, girls. 287 00:11:10,388 --> 00:11:12,521 Brian, make them share the nail polish with us. 288 00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:14,825 It's not fair. 289 00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:16,793 I don't have to share my personal nail Polish 290 00:11:16,795 --> 00:11:19,029 with anyone if I don't want to... It's the law. 291 00:11:19,031 --> 00:11:20,564 Susan, please. 292 00:11:20,566 --> 00:11:22,065 Too bad being a bitch isn't against the law. 293 00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:24,001 Ooh! 294 00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:25,435 Nope, no, no, no, okay, uh, 295 00:11:25,437 --> 00:11:26,903 how about we play light as a feather, 296 00:11:26,905 --> 00:11:28,972 stiff as a board, huh? Right? 297 00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:31,541 Or we could make friendship bracelets. 298 00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,275 Don't be so lame, Brian. 299 00:11:35,914 --> 00:11:37,414 Johnny? 300 00:11:37,416 --> 00:11:39,416 They're turning on each other, John. 301 00:11:39,418 --> 00:11:41,551 Hang in there, man. It's tied in the third period. 302 00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:43,320 You can cut the tension with a knife in here, John. 303 00:11:43,322 --> 00:11:46,523 You're fine! 304 00:11:46,525 --> 00:11:49,393 Oh! No! Oh, hey! 305 00:11:49,395 --> 00:11:51,094 No, no, no, you with the remote, come back here! 306 00:11:51,096 --> 00:11:52,829 Oh, no! 307 00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:57,934 Okay, okay, I'm calling for backup. 308 00:11:57,936 --> 00:12:02,305 This is... ow, ow! Ow, ladies, that's really tight. 309 00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:04,408 That's... ow! Ow! 310 00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:05,409 Is this funny? 311 00:12:08,113 --> 00:12:11,048 Hey, Mousse, it's me. 312 00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:12,849 No can do. We're playing darts. 313 00:12:12,851 --> 00:12:17,154 Your girlfriend is on my team, and she is throwing fire. 314 00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:19,556 - Theresa! - Nailed it! 315 00:12:19,558 --> 00:12:22,559 I know this sounds totally crazy, 316 00:12:22,561 --> 00:12:23,694 but I almost feel like 317 00:12:23,696 --> 00:12:26,029 Carlos gave me too many compliments. 318 00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:27,297 Oh, you are not crazy. 319 00:12:27,299 --> 00:12:29,366 There is nothing emptier than a compliment 320 00:12:29,368 --> 00:12:31,201 from a gay man to a straight woman he just met. 321 00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:33,970 And again, tell me if I'm wrong here, 322 00:12:33,972 --> 00:12:37,974 but I just felt like he was talking so much about himself. 323 00:12:37,976 --> 00:12:39,609 Oh, I know. It's like, "Hello. 324 00:12:39,611 --> 00:12:40,744 There are other people in the room." 325 00:12:42,014 --> 00:12:43,280 I just don't know that I can handle someone 326 00:12:43,282 --> 00:12:45,248 who takes up that much emotional space. 327 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,417 Well, you said you wanted a gay best friend, right? 328 00:12:47,419 --> 00:12:50,353 Yeah, but I already have one ten-year-old girl in my life, 329 00:12:50,355 --> 00:12:51,521 - you know? - Point taken. 330 00:12:51,523 --> 00:12:53,223 - Forget Carlos. - Yeah, forget Carlos. 331 00:12:53,225 --> 00:12:54,958 You know who you're going to like? 332 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,993 One of the X-ray techs, Adam. 333 00:12:56,995 --> 00:12:58,462 Hey, Hank. How's it going, buddy? 334 00:12:58,464 --> 00:13:01,965 Uh, no offense, Auggie, but could you send Adam in? 335 00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,633 Oh, yeah, yeah. 336 00:13:03,635 --> 00:13:05,469 I got it. Adam? 337 00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:07,404 Well, what's his deal? He was cute. 338 00:13:07,406 --> 00:13:08,739 Not gay. Only dates Jewish girls. 339 00:13:08,741 --> 00:13:10,607 - Oh. - But you're gonna like Adam. 340 00:13:10,609 --> 00:13:11,942 I mean, not the most traditional choice, 341 00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:14,511 but he's interesting, funny, 342 00:13:14,513 --> 00:13:18,148 kind of nerdy, but, you know, cute... 343 00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:20,550 Oh, I resent that, Hank. 344 00:13:20,552 --> 00:13:21,952 Loving Adam. 345 00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:24,287 Yeah, there's a lot to love. 346 00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:27,390 Well, obviously, they can't all be Beyonce. 347 00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:29,092 Obviously. 348 00:13:29,093 --> 00:13:30,392 Brian's trying to distract them right now 349 00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:31,394 with a game of Truth or Dare. 350 00:13:31,396 --> 00:13:32,896 Are you guys stupid? 351 00:13:32,898 --> 00:13:34,931 Truth or Dare is the worst possible thing that you could do 352 00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:36,600 with a group of girls who are mad at each other. 353 00:13:36,602 --> 00:13:37,601 What? 354 00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:38,902 Hell, with a group of girls 355 00:13:38,904 --> 00:13:41,104 who like each other. 356 00:13:41,106 --> 00:13:42,839 Friendships end because of that game. 357 00:13:42,841 --> 00:13:44,908 I thought you all just dared each other to call boys 358 00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:46,376 and then got in pillow fights. 359 00:13:46,378 --> 00:13:47,778 Oh, I know you don't understand this 360 00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,513 because you are a guy, 361 00:13:49,515 --> 00:13:52,015 but sleepovers are the real deal. 362 00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:54,751 It's like Judge Dredd, you know, everyone's trying to climb 363 00:13:54,753 --> 00:13:56,620 the social ladder before the sun rises. 364 00:13:56,622 --> 00:13:59,122 One's just staring at me. 365 00:13:59,124 --> 00:14:03,460 I don't even know how long she's been there. 366 00:14:03,462 --> 00:14:06,096 She's looking into my soul, T. 367 00:14:06,098 --> 00:14:07,097 I need you. 368 00:14:07,099 --> 00:14:08,799 Oh, suck it up. 369 00:14:14,828 --> 00:14:15,894 - Okay, okay. - We got the door. 370 00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:17,595 We'll be right back in a second. 371 00:14:17,597 --> 00:14:20,198 It all happened so fast. 372 00:14:21,301 --> 00:14:22,667 - Johnny! - Johnny, over here! 373 00:14:22,669 --> 00:14:23,935 Okay, we'll be right there in a second! 374 00:14:26,406 --> 00:14:30,174 Oh, my God, you guys look like Katy Perry got knocked up 375 00:14:30,176 --> 00:14:31,843 by a slutty My Little Pony. 376 00:14:31,845 --> 00:14:32,844 Yeah, well, it was the only thing 377 00:14:32,846 --> 00:14:34,078 that kept them from fighting. 378 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,279 So they're in there. Go. 379 00:14:35,281 --> 00:14:37,348 Okay, but what are they fighting about? 380 00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:39,150 - Oh. - Uh... 381 00:14:39,152 --> 00:14:40,952 - The little one was pissed. - The little one... yeah. 382 00:14:40,954 --> 00:14:42,520 You guys don't know, do you? 383 00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:44,322 No. 384 00:14:44,324 --> 00:14:46,157 - They all talk really fast. - And really high. 385 00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:47,158 - Mm-hmm. - Like dolphins. 386 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,593 Come on. 387 00:14:48,595 --> 00:14:51,829 If you guys just took a second to actually listen to them, 388 00:14:51,831 --> 00:14:55,600 then you'd know how this started and you'd know how to end it. 389 00:14:55,602 --> 00:14:57,168 Forget it. I'm wasting my breath. 390 00:14:57,170 --> 00:14:59,604 I'm just gonna go in there and sort this out. 391 00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:00,638 Please. 392 00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:06,511 Yo, that color really makes your eyes pop. 393 00:15:06,513 --> 00:15:08,146 Did you do that? 394 00:15:08,148 --> 00:15:09,580 No, Billy, the girls did. 395 00:15:09,582 --> 00:15:11,949 Dang, some really good contouring, bro. 396 00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:16,621 Okay, so I figured out the problem. 397 00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:19,524 Susan's a bitch. 398 00:15:19,526 --> 00:15:21,259 All right, Sheila, that is the last time 399 00:15:21,261 --> 00:15:24,729 I pump you with low doses of deadly radiation, I swear. 400 00:15:24,731 --> 00:15:27,231 It's like you can see right through me, Adam. 401 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,633 And you know what I see? 402 00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,568 A broken woman. 403 00:15:30,570 --> 00:15:32,403 Actually, just a broken radius and ulna. 404 00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:34,739 The rest of you seems really great. 405 00:15:34,741 --> 00:15:36,841 Thank you, Adam. 406 00:15:36,843 --> 00:15:39,243 Now, that is a sincere compliment. 407 00:15:39,245 --> 00:15:41,179 Maybe the two of you can get coffee sometime. 408 00:15:41,181 --> 00:15:43,347 - I disagree. - Oh. 409 00:15:43,349 --> 00:15:44,582 I think we should skip the coffee 410 00:15:44,584 --> 00:15:45,716 and go straight to cocktails. 411 00:15:45,718 --> 00:15:47,218 Oh. 412 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:50,221 I'm gonna write my number down for you right now. 413 00:15:50,223 --> 00:15:52,390 That would be great. 414 00:15:52,392 --> 00:15:53,558 My God, he's so perfect. 415 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,927 Glad I could help. 416 00:15:55,929 --> 00:15:57,662 - Call me. - Great. 417 00:15:57,664 --> 00:16:00,631 Now let's get you in a cast and get you home for your daughter. 418 00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:02,200 - Okay. - You have kids? 419 00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:04,335 Just one, Caitlyn, she's really... 420 00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:07,138 I'm sorry, kids are a deal breaker for me. 421 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:11,075 Children are just... 422 00:16:11,077 --> 00:16:12,944 We wouldn't have to hang out with her. 423 00:16:12,946 --> 00:16:14,078 You wouldn't even have to meet her. 424 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,681 Sheila, don't. 425 00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:19,784 - Okay. - Come on, let's go. 426 00:16:19,786 --> 00:16:24,422 There are a lot of nice gay doctors on duty. 427 00:16:24,424 --> 00:16:26,457 Why did you have to bring up the kid? 428 00:16:26,459 --> 00:16:28,159 I'm just saying, I don't have a problem with Susan. 429 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,927 You don't know her, Johnny. 430 00:16:29,929 --> 00:16:31,429 She acts all nice when you're around. 431 00:16:31,431 --> 00:16:32,630 Yeah, I'm not surprised by that. 432 00:16:32,632 --> 00:16:34,298 She's just like Maeve. 433 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,901 She's that girl who'll steal your boyfriend and then 434 00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:39,871 change her entire personality to fit whatever's popular. 435 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,739 She's ten, and you were with her for a minute. 436 00:16:41,741 --> 00:16:42,773 It doesn't matter. 437 00:16:42,775 --> 00:16:45,710 There's always a Susan, trust me, 438 00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:46,911 all throughout history. 439 00:16:46,913 --> 00:16:48,779 Marie Antoinette, total goddamn Susan. 440 00:16:48,781 --> 00:16:50,481 See, I think you're bringing some of your personal stuff 441 00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:51,949 into this situation. 442 00:16:51,951 --> 00:16:54,085 Hey, I cannot believe that you are taking her side. 443 00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:55,086 I'm not taking her side. 444 00:16:55,088 --> 00:16:56,354 I'm just saying that maybe Susan 445 00:16:56,356 --> 00:16:57,722 and her friends were a little defensive because... 446 00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,790 And I'm only quoting Emma here... "You strolled in here 447 00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,659 like you thought you were everything." 448 00:17:01,661 --> 00:17:03,394 Which one's Emma, huh, the little blonde slut? 449 00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:04,395 - Whoa. - Oh, God. 450 00:17:04,397 --> 00:17:06,497 You guys are so blind. 451 00:17:06,499 --> 00:17:08,666 Susan has completely hijacked this sleepover 452 00:17:08,668 --> 00:17:10,534 and created a toxic environment. 453 00:17:10,536 --> 00:17:11,969 It is Caitlyn's house. 454 00:17:11,971 --> 00:17:13,271 It is Caitlyn's birthday. 455 00:17:13,273 --> 00:17:17,708 So she keeps saying. It's like, "we know." 456 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,110 Jackpot, found the hooch. 457 00:17:19,112 --> 00:17:21,312 Oh, no, no, no, we're gonna get in trouble. 458 00:17:21,314 --> 00:17:23,481 So we'll add water later. No one will know. 459 00:17:23,483 --> 00:17:26,317 - But, Maeve. - Don't be lame, Brian. 460 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,419 You know what? I'm gonna go talk to her. 461 00:17:28,421 --> 00:17:29,854 To Susan? What are you gonna say? 462 00:17:29,856 --> 00:17:31,289 Yeah, I don't know, but I'm gonna figure it out. 463 00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:34,625 Is Theresa being uncool at a slumber party? Shocker. 464 00:17:34,627 --> 00:17:36,327 Whatever, you were the one that used to call dad 465 00:17:36,329 --> 00:17:37,695 to pick you up before midnight, 466 00:17:37,697 --> 00:17:38,896 and guess who had to go too 467 00:17:38,898 --> 00:17:40,298 because he didn't want to make two trips. 468 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,166 I have tried to explain this to you. 469 00:17:42,168 --> 00:17:44,769 Leaving a slumber party early is a power move. 470 00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:47,138 This is why you weren't cool in middle school. 471 00:17:50,776 --> 00:17:51,776 You know what I'm gonna tell Susan? 472 00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:53,244 Hmm? 473 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:55,212 I'm gonna tell her to come in here and look at her future. 474 00:17:55,214 --> 00:17:56,714 You are being such a Caitlyn right now. 475 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:58,049 You ruined middle school for me. 476 00:17:58,051 --> 00:18:02,153 Your unibrow ruined middle school for you. 477 00:18:02,155 --> 00:18:03,821 Well, I don't have a unibrow now. 478 00:18:03,823 --> 00:18:05,656 It is burned into your soul. 479 00:18:05,658 --> 00:18:08,092 We are all still who we were in middle school. 480 00:18:08,094 --> 00:18:10,861 You're still uncool, Brian's still lame, 481 00:18:10,863 --> 00:18:12,964 Johnny's still a weirdo, 482 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,932 and I'm still dating the hottest guy in the room. 483 00:18:14,934 --> 00:18:16,400 Oh, thanks, babe. 484 00:18:16,402 --> 00:18:18,369 Yo, y'all ready to see the show? 485 00:18:18,371 --> 00:18:19,737 They put the show together? 486 00:18:19,739 --> 00:18:21,238 Well, I helped them a little bit. 487 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,506 Oh. 488 00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:24,408 That's... that's fine. That's great. 489 00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,477 I'm just happy the show's happening. 490 00:18:26,479 --> 00:18:28,479 Yeah, these girls are so sweet. 491 00:18:28,481 --> 00:18:30,848 Guess what. They picked me to be Beyonce. 492 00:18:30,850 --> 00:18:33,084 They keep calling me Billyonce, yo. 493 00:18:33,086 --> 00:18:35,453 - Aw. - Should've been Lily. 494 00:18:35,455 --> 00:18:37,922 Why, 'cause she's... 495 00:18:37,924 --> 00:18:39,523 No, because I think she's got the chops. 496 00:18:39,525 --> 00:18:43,160 Come on, man, you and I both know that ain't true. 497 00:18:43,162 --> 00:18:45,396 Yeah. 498 00:18:46,732 --> 00:18:50,534 Thank you so much for tonight. 499 00:18:50,536 --> 00:18:53,304 I would say "let's do it again sometime," but... 500 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:56,707 I'm sorry it didn't pan out with the doctor. 501 00:18:56,709 --> 00:18:58,943 Guess I should've checked to see if he was actually gay first. 502 00:18:58,945 --> 00:19:01,712 Honestly, I was offended by how much he was offended. 503 00:19:01,714 --> 00:19:03,280 I know. 504 00:19:03,282 --> 00:19:05,649 Anyway, I'm sorry we didn't get you a gay best friend. 505 00:19:05,651 --> 00:19:06,884 It's fine. 506 00:19:06,886 --> 00:19:09,520 It just sucks being a single parent sometimes. 507 00:19:09,522 --> 00:19:11,622 You never get the chance to have fun, 508 00:19:11,624 --> 00:19:13,024 so then no one thinks you're fun, 509 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,993 - and then no fun ever happens. - Mm. 510 00:19:15,995 --> 00:19:17,828 My kid thinks I'm the least fun person on the planet. 511 00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:19,363 Okay, I just wanna state, for the record, 512 00:19:19,365 --> 00:19:21,065 that gay men are not human accessories. 513 00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:25,836 We do not exist to fill the fun hole in straight women's lives. 514 00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:28,339 Jesus. 515 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:31,876 Okay, I got it. 516 00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,545 I will not look to gay men to fill any of my holes. 517 00:19:43,222 --> 00:19:46,223 Okay, okay, here's the deal. 518 00:19:46,225 --> 00:19:47,958 I won't do any of that other gay shit with you, 519 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,395 but I do like brunch. 520 00:19:51,397 --> 00:19:53,831 I love brunch. 521 00:19:55,422 --> 00:20:00,178 Five, a-six, a-five, a-six, a-seven, eight. 522 00:20:00,178 --> 00:20:02,778 And slide and slide. 523 00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:05,081 And body roll, body roll, 524 00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,350 and slide and slide. 525 00:20:07,352 --> 00:20:10,119 And body roll, body roll. 526 00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:12,622 And roll it and roll it. 527 00:20:12,624 --> 00:20:14,957 And freestyle time, a-freestyle time, 528 00:20:14,959 --> 00:20:17,126 let me see your hips moving freestyle time. 529 00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:19,428 A-freestyle time, okay. 530 00:20:22,734 --> 00:20:25,234 Mom, you're back! 531 00:20:25,236 --> 00:20:27,937 Hey, you know, your mom's a total rock star. 532 00:20:27,939 --> 00:20:29,438 You know she broke her arm in two places? 533 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,009 - Ew, gross. - Whoa! 534 00:20:33,011 --> 00:20:35,344 Hey, who wants to sign Caitlyn's mom's cool cast? 535 00:20:35,346 --> 00:20:37,313 Me! 536 00:20:37,315 --> 00:20:38,314 Caitlyn, you get the glitter. 537 00:20:38,316 --> 00:20:40,316 - I'll get the markers. - Okay. 538 00:20:40,318 --> 00:20:43,319 Well, I see Susan's put herself in charge again. 539 00:20:43,321 --> 00:20:45,688 - Right? - There's always a Susan. 540 00:20:45,690 --> 00:20:47,490 Word. 39454

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