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1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:02,570
Please be home.
2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,950
Please, please, please, please.
3
00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:07,050
[ Phone ringing]
4
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,460
Should I?
5
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,050
Please answer.
6
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,530
I don't know.
7
00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:14,050
Oh. All right.
8
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,430
[ Sneezing]
9
00:00:15,460 --> 00:00:16,530
Hello.
10
00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:18,080
Aunt hilda. I'm so
glad you're home.
11
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,790
I left my history book
on the kitchen counter.
12
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:20,710
Do you see it?
13
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:22,570
Yes. It's right here,
where you left it.
14
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:23,430
Can you send it to me?
15
00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:25,020
Are you alone?
16
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:25,570
Yes.
17
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,050
Stand back.
18
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,600
[ Sneezing]
19
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:29,400
Oops.
20
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,260
What happened?
21
00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,260
I sneezed.
22
00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:32,150
So where's my book?
23
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:33,020
I don't know
24
00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:34,980
but I'm sure it will
turn up somewhere.
25
00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:56,530
This is my biggest fan.
26
00:01:01,570 --> 00:01:03,810
I just don't get why they're
making us read 1984?
27
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,770
When orwell got so much wrong.
28
00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:06,890
Hey guys. I'm selling tickets
29
00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,530
for the sophomore
class trip to funland.
30
00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:09,260
Do you want to go?
31
00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:11,400
Sure. Funland sounds like fun.
32
00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:12,460
How much?
33
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,190
40 bucks.
34
00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:15,120
Whoa. who has that money?
35
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:16,020
I do.
36
00:01:16,050 --> 00:01:17,740
The deadline's the
end of next week.
37
00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:18,770
So let me know.
38
00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:20,530
I can tell her right
now, I'll never be able
39
00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:21,740
to dig up that much cash.
40
00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,980
Me neither. Plus I
can't ask my aunts.
41
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,290
They're on a teach-her-
the-value-of-a-dollar kick.
42
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:27,260
What made them do that?
43
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:28,220
I went on
44
00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:31,190
a blow-my-allowance-
on-dumb-stuff kick.
45
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:32,500
And while I was on hold
46
00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:33,770
I realized I need
47
00:01:33,810 --> 00:01:35,670
one of those shoe buffers.
48
00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:36,600
What?
49
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:37,770
Maxed out?
50
00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:38,880
But that's impossible.
51
00:01:38,910 --> 00:01:42,080
I demand to speak with
your super... hello. Hello?
52
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,050
Salem, what's going on?
53
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,260
I don't believe it.
54
00:01:44,290 --> 00:01:46,430
I had my credit card yanked.
55
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,740
Youhave a credit card?
56
00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:49,880
Yes, I was preapproved
by the good people
57
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,150
of the bank of Newark
58
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:53,290
but now I'm a
little overextended.
59
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,260
I'm sorry to hear that.
60
00:01:54,290 --> 00:01:56,050
I appreciate your concern.
61
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,580
No cause' I was going
to hit you up for a loan.
62
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,770
I was going to
ask you for money.
63
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:00,810
How ironic.
64
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,530
[ Chuckling]
65
00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:03,640
We're doomed.
66
00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:04,150
I guess we're going
67
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,500
to have to get jobs.
68
00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:07,740
[ Knocking]
69
00:02:07,770 --> 00:02:08,980
Coming.
70
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:12,120
Me again.
71
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:12,980
Hello, dirk.
72
00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:14,080
Sorry to disturb you
73
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,910
Ms. Zelda p. Spellman,
but I just finished my rounds
74
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:19,880
when I discovered a straggler
in the bottom of my bag...
75
00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:21,710
For you.Thanks.
76
00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:22,980
Thought it might be important.
77
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,770
I've been preapproved
by the bank of Newark.
78
00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:29,810
Say, uh, I saw you talking
to a fed-ex guy the other day.
79
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,740
Is there something I
should know about?
80
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:33,710
He was dropping off a package.
81
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,430
Yeah. I don't trust those guys.
82
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:38,190
It's not natural for
mail to move that fast.
83
00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:39,530
I agree.
84
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:43,740
And now it's very important
that I close the door.
85
00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:46,190
He has really
got it bad for you.
86
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:49,500
I wish there was some
gentle way to let him down.
87
00:02:49,530 --> 00:02:50,810
I know what you need.
88
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,640
I just saw an ad for
it in modern witch.
89
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:56,050
It's a new perfume
that repels love.
90
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,120
Here it is.
91
00:02:57,150 --> 00:03:00,360
"Somewhere between
disdain and contempt lies...
92
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,840
Revulsion."
93
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,640
Revulsion? Hmm...
94
00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:07,120
"Available at full
moon beauty supply."
95
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:08,290
Let's go.
96
00:03:08,330 --> 00:03:10,300
Can't. Full moon beauty
supply's only open once a month.
97
00:03:10,330 --> 00:03:11,150
When?
98
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:12,980
During the full moon.
99
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:14,190
I knew that.
100
00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:15,220
Accountant?
101
00:03:15,260 --> 00:03:16,290
No.
102
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,330
Crane operator?
103
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:18,600
No.
104
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,880
System's analyst?
105
00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:21,050
Hey, I can do that.
106
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,020
Good system, bad system.
107
00:03:23,050 --> 00:03:25,640
I think you need to know
something about computers.
108
00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:26,740
Hold everything.
109
00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:27,570
Look at this.
110
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,430
"Greater Boston cat show...
111
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,430
Grand prize: $500."
112
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:32,500
A cat show?
113
00:03:32,530 --> 00:03:34,260
I can't see you in a cat show.
114
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:35,770
Don't you think I'm pretty?
115
00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:36,840
Of course.
116
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,050
Then get an application.
117
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,980
This is our chance
for a quick score.
118
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,020
All right.
119
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,980
Okay, "name"?
120
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,400
Salem spellman.
121
00:03:47,430 --> 00:03:50,020
May I remind you i'm
your cat, not your pet.
122
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:51,640
I have my own last name.
123
00:03:51,670 --> 00:03:52,220
You do?
124
00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:53,120
It's saberhagen.
125
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,190
Salem saberhagen.
126
00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:56,360
And what breed are you?
127
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,880
American shorthair
and darn proud of it.
128
00:03:58,910 --> 00:04:01,020
Write that down; The
judges will eat that up.
129
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:03,840
That's all we need... Except
for the five-dollar application fee.
130
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:04,710
Don't look at me.
131
00:04:04,740 --> 00:04:05,740
I'm maxed out.
132
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:09,530
Will you sign me in?
133
00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:11,290
I'm going to grab the last cage.
134
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,150
Sure.
135
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:14,020
It's saberhagen, right?
136
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:15,810
Right.
137
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,360
Here you go.
138
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,290
Are you comfortable?
139
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:20,020
I feel like a caged animal
140
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:22,050
in here.
141
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,050
Look at all these losers.
142
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,640
Hey, you better behave yourself.
143
00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:26,290
I will.
144
00:04:26,330 --> 00:04:28,260
You always say that but...
145
00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:29,460
What am I doing?
146
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:30,610
If people see me talking to
my cat, they'll think I'm nuts.
147
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,670
Look around.
148
00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:33,740
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
149
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,500
You want to bea
winner, think like
150
00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:37,020
a winner.
151
00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:39,710
Okay. We can talk all we want.
152
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:41,260
Hello.
153
00:04:41,290 --> 00:04:43,150
What a pretty cat.
154
00:04:43,190 --> 00:04:45,150
Oh, no ribbons.
155
00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:46,950
This is our first show.
156
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:49,400
Duke has won quite a few times.
157
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,460
See?
158
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,460
It's nice of your cat
159
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,220
to let you wear them.
160
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,050
Oh, yes.
161
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,600
He's a Burmese, you know?
162
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:57,810
What's yours?
163
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,290
An American shorthair.
164
00:04:59,330 --> 00:04:59,840
[ Clearing throat]
165
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,080
And darn proud of it.
166
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,020
Well, the Burmese
judging is up first.
167
00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:05,360
So we'd better
go finish grooming.
168
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,770
Unbelievable. Did you see that?
169
00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:08,740
Her cat had whisker extensions.
170
00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:09,710
How could you tell?
171
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:12,120
It's soobvious.
172
00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:14,220
I got you a good number... 38.
173
00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:15,360
Excellent.
174
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,500
Lucky 38.
175
00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:19,400
Hey, isn't that
176
00:05:19,430 --> 00:05:21,430
Bob Gordon, the
channel eight news guy?
177
00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:23,360
Yeah. I guess he's the judge.
178
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,050
Welcome to the
greater Boston cat show.
179
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,500
I'm Bob Gordon.
180
00:05:28,530 --> 00:05:31,020
Today I will be selecting
for best of breed.
181
00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:32,330
Those winners
will stay overnight
182
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,950
and tomorrow be
judged for best of show.
183
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:37,190
I hope you're all
prepared for a thorough
184
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:39,950
and perhaps even
grueling competition.
185
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,220
Psst. Sabrina.
186
00:05:41,260 --> 00:05:41,950
Yeah?
187
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:43,050
Get the brush.
188
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,640
I'm shedding like crazy.
189
00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:47,530
What is he
190
00:05:47,570 --> 00:05:48,570
looking for?
191
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,220
To see if it's a boy or a girl?
192
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:54,710
This cat has excellent
bone structure
193
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:58,080
a lovely coat and a somewhat
bemused expression.
194
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,670
This is one of my top
three American shorthairs.
195
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:01,600
Whoo-hoo!
196
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,980
Congratulations.
197
00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:07,360
Now let's begin the
parade of semifinalists.
198
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:08,050
Sabrina: Parade?
199
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:08,950
Watch out for Andrew.
200
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:10,150
He'll try to trip you.
201
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,330
Watch out for Mrs. Erickson.
202
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,770
She plays head games.
203
00:06:12,810 --> 00:06:15,150
Watch out for Haley...
She's paranoid.
204
00:06:15,190 --> 00:06:16,810
Here we go.
205
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,150
[ "The alley cat" playing]
206
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,050
This is the cheesiest
thing I've ever done.
207
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,080
Salem: Smile.
208
00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:29,330
Hey!
209
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,570
Did I step on your shoe?
210
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,220
How am I supposed to choose?
211
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,400
Do you mind if I take off?
212
00:06:40,430 --> 00:06:42,050
I'm bored out of my skull.
213
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,150
Go ahead. My
aunts can pick me up.
214
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:47,190
This was fun.
215
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:48,530
Now we will begin
216
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:49,980
the one-on-one
217
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,430
interviews.
218
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:54,120
What can you tell me
about Salem's temperament?
219
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:56,400
Well, he's very
friendly, very focused
220
00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:58,880
and just a little power mad.
221
00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:00,430
Sounds like he's all cat.
222
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:03,330
Right. And he's got a
real head for numbers.
223
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,640
May I demonstrate?
224
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,640
Ask him a simple
multiplication question.
225
00:07:07,670 --> 00:07:08,640
Okay.
226
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,980
Salem, uh, what's
seven times five?
227
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,810
Amazing.
228
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,190
Although we do judge
purely on appearance.
229
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,770
Isn't that life?
230
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:22,710
Will all of our semifinalists
231
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,570
please bring their cats forward.
232
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,150
I will now announce my
best of breed decisions.
233
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,290
[ Maniacal laughing]
234
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:41,330
[ Meows]
235
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,880
And thisis my first-place
American shorthair.
236
00:08:00,910 --> 00:08:03,290
And darn proud of it.
237
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,430
Come on, hilda.
238
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:06,050
Full moon. Let's go.
239
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,020
Coming.
240
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:07,710
Relax.
241
00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:08,950
You'll get your revulsion.
242
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:10,220
Oh, I hope it works.
243
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:13,120
I don't want dirk going
after the u.P.S. Guy again.
244
00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:21,640
Hello.
245
00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:22,500
Welcome
246
00:08:22,530 --> 00:08:24,640
to full moon beauty supply.
247
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,640
May I help you?
248
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,220
I need a bottle of revulsion.
249
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:31,050
Ah, someone's bothering you.
250
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,150
A little or a lot?
251
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:33,810
Well...
252
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,050
Get the bigone.
253
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,980
A pretty girl like you
needs a lot of revulsion.
254
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:39,190
Oh, what's this?
255
00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:42,190
Oh, this is a magic mirror
256
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,020
that shows you at your best.
257
00:08:44,050 --> 00:08:47,050
"The makeover mirror...
It's a nice reflection on you."
258
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,500
Try it.
259
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:52,600
I'm ravishing.
260
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:53,740
I have to have it.
261
00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:56,290
Oh, here. Buy two,
one for each of you.
262
00:08:56,330 --> 00:08:57,400
No.
263
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,570
Hilda, you can't
buy self-esteem.
264
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,050
Yes, I can, and it's on sale.
265
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,460
Try some wrinkle berries.
266
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:08,120
They smooth out your
face and other places.
267
00:09:08,150 --> 00:09:09,430
Here, I give you half a pound.
268
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:10,430
No. Thank you.
269
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,080
We can shop for ourselves.
270
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,120
Fine.
271
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,080
Oh, stress mints.
272
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:16,910
I wonder if they work.
273
00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:19,120
Careful. It says no samples.
274
00:09:19,150 --> 00:09:20,360
I can read.
275
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,290
Hilda, what have you done?
276
00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:27,810
I didn't do anything.
277
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:28,840
Aha!
278
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,220
My no-sample spell works.
279
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,570
I couldn't help myself.
280
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,050
Change me back, please.
281
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:38,290
Okay, but first, you'll
pay for the stress mints
282
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,910
and then you'll buy
a sample antidote.
283
00:09:39,950 --> 00:09:42,290
Then you'll buy
a gift certificate.
284
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:45,770
Oh, sure. Stick
it to the little guy.
285
00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,220
Today best of breed.
286
00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,220
Tomorrow best of show.
287
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:53,150
You should be very proud, Salem.
288
00:09:53,190 --> 00:09:56,570
Here's your milk...
And the economist.
289
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:00,770
And now I have
to go call my aunts.
290
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,260
I guess we're closing
down the place.
291
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:02,810
[ Phone ringing]
292
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,360
Excuse me. Got to go.
293
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,150
Mm-hmm.
294
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,980
[ Clearing throat]
295
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:09,640
Hello?
296
00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:11,530
Who isthis?
297
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:12,770
Yes, I'm alone.
298
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,290
Hmm?
299
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:17,220
In the briefcase?
300
00:10:17,260 --> 00:10:18,740
Oh, dear lord.
301
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:21,400
Where did you get this photo?
302
00:10:21,430 --> 00:10:22,080
Name your price.
303
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,150
I'll pay you anything.
304
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,460
Uh-huh...
305
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,570
Uh-huh.
306
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:27,150
That's it?
307
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:29,910
No, no. No. No problem.
308
00:10:29,950 --> 00:10:32,020
You just keep those
negatives to yourself
309
00:10:32,050 --> 00:10:35,190
and I promise your cat
will be named best of show.
310
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:54,740
Good night again, Mr. Gor...
311
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:57,120
Out of my way.
312
00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:58,050
What's with him?
313
00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,530
The contest is fixed.
314
00:10:59,570 --> 00:11:02,330
The judge is being blackmailed
with an incriminating photo.
315
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,530
Your kidding, of what?
316
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,910
I don't know, but he
took it into his office.
317
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:07,050
I'll go check.
318
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,150
I'll stay here.
319
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,430
There it is.
320
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,670
Incredible.
321
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:21,980
If people only knew.
322
00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:23,840
I thought I'd closed that.
323
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,400
Meow?
324
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:26,360
Meow!
325
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,400
Oh, no.
326
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:32,840
Kitty...
327
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:36,190
How did you get in here?
328
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,810
Okay, there you go.
329
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,500
There you go.
330
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:45,530
Oh, you are a
pretty little kitty.
331
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:47,910
Too bad you don't have a chance.
332
00:11:53,050 --> 00:11:54,080
Salem?
333
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,360
Sabrina, where are you?
334
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,570
Next to you... in a cage.
335
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,290
Salem, this is awful.
336
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:05,020
If I can't point, I
can't turn myself back.
337
00:12:05,050 --> 00:12:05,740
What was that?
338
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:06,530
What?
339
00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:07,750
There's something
in here with me!
340
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:08,500
What?
341
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,640
Oh. It's just my tail.
342
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,500
Hello?
343
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:15,710
Sabrina, are you in here?
344
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,220
Yes. Next to Salem.
345
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,710
Sabrina?
346
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:22,670
Hi... or should I say "meow"?
347
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:25,190
Look how cute the
little blonde kitty is.
348
00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:27,080
I have claws, and
I will use them.
349
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,430
Now, change me back.
350
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:30,400
Here you go.
351
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:31,740
Oh...
352
00:12:31,770 --> 00:12:33,050
Help me, hilda.
353
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:35,770
That feels so much...
354
00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:37,080
[ Screaming]
355
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,360
Change the rest of me!
356
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,430
Sorry.
357
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:43,640
Now what is going on?
358
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:44,880
I'll explain everything
359
00:12:44,910 --> 00:12:47,430
but right now I really have to
get home and brush my teeth.
360
00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:48,600
[ Coughing]
361
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,190
Ugh! Another hair ball.
362
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,050
And to think... They
call Bob Gordon
363
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,950
the most trusted name
in new england news.
364
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:56,980
Who would have thought
365
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,470
the cat show would be
a cauldron of corruption?
366
00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,670
Don't give up.
367
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:02,050
All you have to do is figure
out who the blackmailer is.
368
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,120
The problem is
everyone has a motive...
369
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,500
Everyone wants to win.
370
00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:08,400
But only the blackmailer
took this picture.
371
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:11,840
A "reverse angle" spell
will tell us who that is.
372
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:12,810
There!
373
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,710
And the blackmailer is...
374
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:18,020
A person wearing a loose
robe obscured by shadow
375
00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:20,050
with a big camera
covering his...
376
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,290
Or her... face.
377
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:23,500
There must be some
distinguishing characteristic.
378
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:25,740
All you can see
is the right hand...
379
00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:26,910
Wait a sec.
380
00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:29,120
Does that look like a
whole finger to you?
381
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:31,330
No. Whoever took this photo
382
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,710
is missing half an index finger.
383
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:36,430
And that's who
your blackmailer is.
384
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:37,640
So it's not over?
385
00:13:37,670 --> 00:13:38,950
Not even close.
386
00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:43,840
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have to go meet and greet.
387
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,290
Did I just do a cat thing?
388
00:13:45,330 --> 00:13:46,050
Yeah.
389
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,330
Ugh...
390
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,290
Good morning, Mrs. Erickson.
391
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,610
I just wanted to
wish you good luck.
392
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,050
May the best cat win.
393
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,770
You mean my Duke.
394
00:13:53,810 --> 00:13:54,810
Thanks.
395
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:59,050
Uh, what a nice grooming mitt.
396
00:13:59,080 --> 00:13:59,810
May I see it?
397
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,190
Get your own.
398
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,570
You're the competition.
399
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:05,880
Haley, I just
400
00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:06,810
wanted to say
401
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,260
it's been really great
getting to know you.
402
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:10,500
I don't touch people.
403
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,670
How goes the investigation?
404
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:14,710
Not good.
405
00:14:14,740 --> 00:14:16,050
My three prime suspects
406
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,500
are all cleverly
concealing their hands.
407
00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:20,840
I know how to fix that.
408
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:21,880
Mini-quiches.
409
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:22,880
No one can resist them.
410
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:23,980
Oh, looks good.
411
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:24,840
Those aren't for you.
412
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,500
They're for the blackmailer.
413
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:28,570
Here.
414
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,290
Free quiche!
415
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:30,020
Help yourselves!
416
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,980
Oh! Don't mind if I do.
417
00:14:32,020 --> 00:14:33,460
Well, maybe just one.
418
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:36,220
I did skip breakfast.
419
00:14:36,260 --> 00:14:37,530
[ All gasping]
420
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:39,810
Well, look at that!
421
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,770
I thought I was the only one.
422
00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:43,600
This is amazing.
423
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,260
Shop class?
424
00:14:44,290 --> 00:14:45,710
Farm accident.
425
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:47,640
I used to keep wolverines.
426
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,740
We should start a support group.
427
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,020
Oh, thanks for the quiche.
428
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,120
It's over, Salem.
429
00:14:55,150 --> 00:14:57,050
The blackmailer
has the perfect cover.
430
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,740
Then take me home.
431
00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:02,910
I want to enjoy something
pure, like harness racing.
432
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,060
He's not going to
get away with this.
433
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,050
Mr. Gordon, I need to
talk to you, right away.
434
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,670
I'm about to make the
best of show presentation.
435
00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:10,950
It can wait.
436
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,570
Pushy... like a
young Diane Sawyer.
437
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,460
What is it?
438
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,780
I know you're being blackmailed.
439
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,530
I saw the photo; I
know your secret.
440
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:22,050
So what do you want?
441
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,080
Second place?
442
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,220
No. Look, don't give in
to them... come clean.
443
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,790
You don't have to hide
the fact that you're...
444
00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:28,810
Don't say it!
445
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:29,360
Bald.
446
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,500
Shh!
447
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,640
You have no idea
what this means.
448
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,330
It could destroy my career.
449
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,150
How? Aren't
honesty and integrity
450
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:37,910
the most important
to a journalist?
451
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,190
Not in this decade.
452
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,810
People like people with hair.
453
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:41,980
They've done studies.
454
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:45,120
The public hasn't trusted a
bald man since eisenhower.
455
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:47,640
But they believe in you,
and you're not playing fair.
456
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:49,220
You want to talk about fair?
457
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:52,670
I wore a toupee to
my first frat party.
458
00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:54,530
Don't talk to meabout fair.
459
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,430
Sabrina, I didn't want
460
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,050
to miss Salem's big showdown.
461
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,260
I'm not late, am I?
462
00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:05,150
You didn't miss anything
463
00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:06,840
except confirmation
we live in a rotten
464
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,400
crooked, corrupt,
stinking world.
465
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:11,460
Good.
466
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:14,500
The moment we've all
been waiting for has arrived.
467
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:17,740
What does it take to
be a championship cat?
468
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:19,120
Mrs. Erickson
469
00:16:19,150 --> 00:16:20,880
may I please see Duke?
470
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:23,330
So that's who
the blackmailer is.
471
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,360
Duke is a fine, superb cat.
472
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,020
Note the tail
473
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,360
the bone structure
474
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,640
the excellent tension
in the whiskers.
475
00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:31,840
What... what is this?
476
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,020
That cat has whisker extensions!
477
00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:35,220
Those are illegal!
478
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,950
No they're not. I checked
the rule book very carefully
479
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:40,500
and there's nothing wrong
with whisker extensions.
480
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:41,740
Gordon: Absolutely.
481
00:16:41,770 --> 00:16:43,190
If Mrs. Erickson would like
482
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:45,260
to glue bits of hair
onto her animal
483
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:46,400
to improve its image
484
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:48,120
she can.
485
00:16:48,150 --> 00:16:50,570
It may seem a little desperate
486
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,980
a little silly
487
00:16:52,020 --> 00:16:53,430
a little vain.
488
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:55,120
But who are we to...
489
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:59,460
Oh, dear lord, it's like
looking into a mirror.
490
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,810
It's time to come clean.
491
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,810
Our top story tonight is this...
492
00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:07,290
[ Gasps]
493
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,530
He's bald.
494
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,400
None of you saw this.
495
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,710
Stop. It's over.
496
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:14,430
No, it's just the beginning.
497
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:17,640
Mr. Gordon thought he
needed this to gain people's trust
498
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,770
but trust should not depend
499
00:17:18,810 --> 00:17:20,330
on fake hair.
500
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,020
Trust should depend on
real knowledge, integrity
501
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,500
and accurate reporting.
502
00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:26,460
Sabrina, he's on TV news.
503
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,150
Still, we should
applaud this man
504
00:17:28,190 --> 00:17:29,220
who stood before us
505
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:31,740
and bared his naked head.
506
00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:32,770
Thank you.
507
00:17:33,810 --> 00:17:36,190
Big deal!
508
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,460
Now, can we get on
with the competition?
509
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,770
Who won best of show?
510
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,670
Duke did. He was already
announced the winner.
511
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:43,980
I take it back.
512
00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:45,810
I'm disqualifying
you for attempting
513
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,570
to influence a
cat show official.
514
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,460
And that is in the rule book.
515
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,290
You don't understand.
516
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,910
Duke is getting older.
517
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:54,460
He's not as pretty
as he used to be.
518
00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,600
Oh, god!
519
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,910
I miss my youth!
520
00:17:57,950 --> 00:18:01,120
Talk about cracking
under the pressure.
521
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,530
Enough about people.
522
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:03,840
Who's the best cat?
523
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:09,600
The truth makes
that decision easy.
524
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,500
This weekend, I have met
a rare and extraordinary cat
525
00:18:13,530 --> 00:18:15,290
a cat unlike any other.
526
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,640
Where is Salem saberhagen?
527
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,980
Oh, my god!
528
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,330
Everything's in slow motion.
529
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:26,530
Now, here is a cat
530
00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:29,360
who is not only
attractive but intelligent
531
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,080
and I would like to award it
532
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:33,190
the first-prize blue ribbon...
533
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:34,740
Whoa! Whoa!
534
00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:36,260
Wait a minute.
535
00:18:36,290 --> 00:18:38,980
There isanother cat...
536
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:40,840
The most beautiful little kitty
537
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,220
that I have ever seen.
538
00:18:42,260 --> 00:18:43,980
Where is that blonde cat?
539
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,710
What blonde cat?
540
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:47,710
Wait a sec.
541
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:49,600
I know where she is.
542
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:50,950
What is she doing?
543
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:52,220
Her cat was about to win.
544
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:53,400
Don't worry, Harvey.
545
00:18:53,430 --> 00:18:54,530
Sabrina always lands
546
00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:55,670
on her feet.
547
00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:58,400
Pretend I belong to you.
548
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,770
Is this the cat
you're looking for?
549
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:02,050
Why, yes.
550
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,020
What's her name?
551
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:04,290
Sabrina.
552
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,290
She named her cat Sabrina?
553
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,120
Doesn't that get confusing
around the house?
554
00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:10,460
It's a pretty confusing
place in general.
555
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,570
I am pleased and
proud to announce
556
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,710
and with the utmost integrity
557
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:18,190
that this blonde cat is best
of show grand champion.
558
00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:19,220
Whoo-hoo!
559
00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:22,840
I was so close.
560
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,770
[ Salem crying]
561
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:27,810
No, Harvey.
562
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,050
She's not for sale.
563
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,570
Are you sure?
564
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,460
She's the sweetest,
most beautiful cat
565
00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:33,710
I've ever held.
566
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,640
All set.
567
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:35,500
What did you do?
568
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:36,880
I felt bad for Bob Gordon.
569
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,710
So I left a little
present in his office.
570
00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:46,530
Let's check out the damage.
571
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:50,880
Oh...
572
00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:52,640
My!
573
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:54,810
I look fabulous.
574
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,220
Bobby, baby... Bobby, booby.
575
00:19:58,260 --> 00:19:59,980
I'm Bob Gordon
576
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:03,430
and this is eyewitness
action news center eight.
577
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:07,190
Salem?
578
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,190
Meow.
579
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:09,500
Come on, Salem.
580
00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:10,260
Meow, meow.
581
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:12,430
You have to talk to me sometime.
582
00:20:12,460 --> 00:20:13,600
I've got your chin.
583
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,430
Oh... oh, that feels good.
584
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:17,220
Wait. I'm still
585
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:18,290
mad at you.
586
00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:20,150
I can't believe
you did that to me.
587
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:23,770
I said I was sorry.
My vanity took over.
588
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:24,850
But it all worked out fine.
589
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,130
Harvey and I get
to go to funland
590
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,880
and I promise to
pay off your debt.
591
00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:30,220
I guess the money
is all that matters.
592
00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:31,260
No, it's not.
593
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:34,600
And that's why you
should have this.
594
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,740
The blue ribbon?
595
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,220
You deserve it... after
all, you are the best cat.
596
00:20:40,770 --> 00:20:41,670
Salem?
597
00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:42,360
Just got a little something
598
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,460
in my eye.
599
00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:52,400
[ Knocking]
600
00:20:52,430 --> 00:20:53,950
Dirk. I was hoping
601
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:55,220
you'd stop by today.
602
00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:58,050
I brought your mail
and some Omaha steaks
603
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,600
I found in the
unclaimed mail room.
604
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,880
How thoughtful.
605
00:21:01,910 --> 00:21:03,360
Hey, would you like to come in
606
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,500
for a cup of coffee?
607
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,120
I'd like that.
608
00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:08,810
Wow! It's really happening.
609
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,570
Do you take cream and sugar?
610
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,530
Yes, please.
611
00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:14,570
Hey!
612
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,460
You're reading the
magazine I brought you.
613
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:18,980
Yes and I'm paying the
bills you brought me, too.
614
00:21:19,020 --> 00:21:20,190
I'm sorry about those.
615
00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:22,190
Enough shop talk.
616
00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,430
See, Zelda, my interest in you
617
00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:26,260
is not purely professional.
618
00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:28,910
You are no mere
"occupant" to me.
619
00:21:28,950 --> 00:21:31,290
You're the bright
spot on my route.
620
00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:33,190
Can you meet my
parents this Sunday?
621
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:36,260
I think first you should
get to know the real me.
622
00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:38,570
I think I know you pretty well.
623
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,150
Here's your coffee.
624
00:21:41,190 --> 00:21:42,190
Thanks.
625
00:21:43,430 --> 00:21:44,500
You a little tired?
626
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,980
I'm exhausted.
40145
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