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1
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:05,714
Ah, Douglas, just the man I wanted to see.
2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,174
Give my resume a once-over,
will you?
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:09,467
Your resume? What's that about?
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,885
What, you... You want to go back to work?
5
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:12,220
Yeah.
6
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,139
I just can't take it anymore, Douglas.
7
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:16,433
Sitting alone in that basement all day.
8
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,602
To be honest with you,
I'm starting to have some...
9
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,604
very strange thoughts.
10
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,523
Really? Huh.
11
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,024
Hadn't picked up on that.
12
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,903
So, this going to land me a job, or what?
13
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,031
Well, my first thought is,
14
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,073
you might not want to do it
15
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,158
in magic marker.
16
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:35,535
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
17
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,537
Hmm...
18
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,873
and which Little Rascal were you?
19
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,625
Onions, beloved by millions,
20
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,503
till that bastard Alfalfa
took it all away.
21
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,799
All right, this, see, I got to
throw a flag on this, okay?
22
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,801
Somebody's going to check with NASA.
23
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,470
That's for me to worry about.
24
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,055
All I wanted was for you to double-check
25
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:56,264
my spelling and grammar
26
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,141
and not nitpick at every little detail.
27
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,476
Okay! Fine!
28
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,019
You spelled GPA wrong.
29
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,103
Other than that, it's perfect.
30
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,066
Thank you.
31
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,809
So there I am,
32
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:42,519
watching TV with my mom,
33
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:43,853
and I turn to her and go,
34
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,939
"Hey, when is Aunt Gwinnie getting here?"
35
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:49,150
So I hear Larry King on the TV say,
36
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,485
"She'll be with us at 7:00."
37
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,321
See, he was talking about a guest.
38
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:56,032
Uh, I think it was Joyce Dewitt
or Cindy Williams.
39
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,700
I always get those two mixed up,
40
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,037
but it sounded like he was answering me.
41
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,081
That's so weird, isn't it?
42
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,877
I wonder where Doug is.
43
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,421
I bet you wish to God
44
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,173
you hadn't lost your house key.
45
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,716
No, no. This is...
46
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,468
This is nice.
47
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,636
Did you read that thing in The Times
48
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,763
about how some men can lactate?
49
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,225
-That was awesome!
-I'm telling you,
50
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,560
it's a rush every time you get on.
51
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,311
-Hey.
-Hey, babe. What's up?
52
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,231
Oh, not much. I was just out
riding on Richie's hog.
53
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,567
Okay. Please rephrase that.
54
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,360
I got a motorcycle.
55
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,696
-Really?
-Yeah. It's unbelievable.
56
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,489
We went from here
to, like, Modells and back
57
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,782
in, like, two minutes. It's so fast.
58
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,325
You zip in and out through traffic,
59
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,077
and I got to level with you.
60
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,579
There was a breeze blowing up my shorts
61
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,831
that felt like Christmas.
62
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,251
Very nice. House key, please.
63
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,419
Oh, right.
64
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:50,879
God, that was so cool.
65
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,714
Everybody's looking at you,
like, whizzing by...
66
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,841
and then, out of nowhere,
Richie just pulls this wheelie.
67
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,427
I wasn't going for one.
You just leaned back.
68
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,889
Uh, you know, from here,
69
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,223
it sounds like Mr. Doug
70
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:04,309
wants to buy himself a motorcycle.
71
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,351
You know what?
72
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,769
I am a little tempted.
73
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,730
Moose, you should see the guy
that I got mine from.
74
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,148
He's got some real beauties cheap,
75
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,482
and they run like new.
76
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:12,817
You know what? Give me his number.
77
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,569
Maybe I'll--
78
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:16,821
You're not getting a motorcycle.
79
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:17,906
-Why not?
-Okay, Doug,
80
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,908
did you not hear my buzzer noise?
81
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,201
This is not going to happen.
82
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,328
Why not?
83
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,537
Because they're too dangerous,
84
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,039
and people die on them.
85
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:27,916
I don't want to have to
constantly worry about you.
86
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:28,917
Yeah, but, Carrie, I wouldn't--
87
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,085
Doug, no motorcycle.
88
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,629
If you want, I'll buy you a Schwinn,
89
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,297
we'll put a baseball card in the spokes.
90
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,465
It'll sound almost the same...
91
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:36,966
Okay?
92
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,260
Screw that noise.
93
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,137
I can get one if I want.
94
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,305
Okay, Doug, give me your hand.
95
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,932
I want to make this easy for you.
96
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:44,891
No.
97
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,102
No.
98
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:49,729
Now, give me the keys.
99
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:51,147
I don't want to miss The Real World.
100
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,273
I love you. Don't be home late.
101
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,399
-Bye, guys.
-Goodnight, Carr.
102
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,400
Bye.
103
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,238
What?
104
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,323
Nothing. So, uh...
105
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,492
you want to shoot some pool,
Mrs. Heffernan?
106
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,788
Yeah, we could spot you two balls.
107
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,378
Hey, so much for traditional gender roles,
108
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:14,545
huh?
109
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:18,925
I'm going to use the bathroom.
110
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,263
So, yeah, you want to shoot a game?
For real.
111
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,473
No. You know what? No, thanks.
112
00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,100
Come on, man, we're just kidding around.
113
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,893
It's not you. It's Carrie.
114
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:29,936
I mean, what was that about?
115
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,271
"No. No discussion."
116
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:32,355
Sorry.
117
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:34,607
Sorry!
118
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,109
Easy. Easy.
119
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,778
I just thought marriage was supposed to be
120
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:42,031
this mutual sharing dialog thing.
121
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,533
No.
122
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,036
Well, you know what? Ours is. Usually.
123
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,288
Oh, really?
124
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,956
Last year, uh...
125
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,541
Where was it you wanted to go on vacation?
126
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,876
-Baseball Hall of Fame.
-Baseball Hall of Fame.
127
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:54,919
Cooperstown,
128
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,171
and, uh, where'd you end up going?
129
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,173
Antiquing in Connecticut.
130
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,884
So you did, and, uh, last week,
131
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,595
when we were renting movies
to watch with the wives, uh...
132
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:05,763
what did we end up renting?
133
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,557
I don't know.
134
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,516
I can't remember.
135
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,310
No, no. What did we rent?
136
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:11,394
-I don't know.
-What did we rent?
137
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:12,353
Hope Floats, all right?
138
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,063
There it is! Hope Floats!
139
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,315
You see what I'm saying?
140
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,066
You're married.
141
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:17,984
Don't fight it.
142
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,068
You just got to...
143
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,029
Focus on a point on the wall and...
144
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,780
let it happen.
145
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,741
No. No, you know what?
146
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,242
You focus. Not this guy.
147
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,452
I'm picking up my own soap,
148
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,037
and I'm getting out of the shower.
149
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,455
Soap?
150
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:31,622
What the hell are you talking about?
151
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,624
I don't know. What are you talking about?
152
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,338
She's pretty sweet, huh?
153
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,506
Oh, that she is.
154
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,591
Richie's right. You, uh...
155
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:42,592
You do nice work.
156
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,010
Yeah. I hollowed out the cams,
157
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,344
put in bigger piston heads.
158
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,971
You know, give it a couple more horses.
159
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,682
Good. Yeah, because I, uh...
160
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,684
I probably would've
hollowed them out myself.
161
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,227
Now I don't have to. That's good.
162
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,480
So, you want to do the deal?
163
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,356
Hmm. I don't know.
What do you want for it?
164
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,233
-1200.
-Hmm.
165
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,569
It's a nice bike, but I don't
know if it's 1200 nice.
166
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,987
-1200.
-It is nice.
167
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:06,574
Still, I don't know, you know?
168
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:07,992
1200...
169
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,330
What are you looking for?
170
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,833
I don't know. Here's 1200.
171
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,173
Darling, I need to borrow the iron.
172
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,800
Dad, I told you.
173
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,885
If you want a grilled cheese sandwich,
174
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,386
I will make you one.
175
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,763
No, no.
176
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:31,057
I just wanted to press my pants.
177
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:34,060
I got a job interview in the morning.
178
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,436
Really?
179
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,479
Good for you.
180
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,814
What for?
181
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,025
Head of Pediatrics, Long Island Jewish.
182
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,072
Great.
183
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,740
Sure hope you don't get it.
184
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,702
Okay, I think I know where that came from.
185
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:52,912
Now, look,
186
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,580
I love you.
187
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,040
When I go back to work,
188
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,501
you will not become a latchkey child.
189
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,379
That is my pledge to you.
190
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,094
-Hey, babe.
-Hi.
191
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,597
What happened?
192
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:53,556
I thought you were coming home
193
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,807
right after work.
194
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,559
Uh, actually, I stopped...
somewhere first.
195
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,687
In fact, I, uh... I need to talk to you.
196
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,564
Let me just get dinner started real quick.
197
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,732
Uh, dinner can wait. You know
198
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:03,983
I want to get this out now.
199
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,610
Dinner can wait?
200
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,529
Okay. Now you're really scaring me.
201
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:13,993
Well?
202
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,119
What?
203
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,037
Carrie,
204
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,914
sometimes in a marriage...
205
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,376
there comes a time when...
206
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,004
one of the...
207
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,174
members of that marriage
208
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,009
needs to express themselves
209
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,177
in a way that--
210
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,762
Douglas, that is one bad-ass motorcycle
211
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:33,679
you got out there.
212
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,931
Nice work, kiddo.
213
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,987
You got a motorcycle?
214
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,405
Can I finish my story, please?
215
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,866
You got a motorcycle?
216
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,201
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got a bike.
217
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,244
I got a bike. I got a bike.
218
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,203
There, I said it. I don't care.
219
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,246
I said it. It's out there.
220
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,792
By the way, Douglas,
221
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,710
did Carrie tell you I got a job interview?
222
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,047
Honey, you can't run from this.
223
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,549
Daddy needs to work!
224
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,842
Douglas, get her.
225
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,054
Have you lost your mind?
226
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,264
And we discussed this.
227
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,557
No, no, we didn't discuss it.
228
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,683
You discussed it.
229
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,268
I barely got a sentence in.
230
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,479
Doug, I specifically forbade you
from buying this.
231
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,023
Forbade me? Forbade? You can't forbade me.
232
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:27,984
Are you insane?
233
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,819
I mean, what the hell
do you think you're doing here?
234
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,195
I knew you would overreact like this.
235
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,155
Look, I just wanted one.
Huh? It'll be fun.
236
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,407
Fun? Really?
237
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,200
Will it be fun
when you're in a wheelchair?
238
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,160
Maybe.
239
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:40,997
This is going back tomorrow.
240
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,124
No, it's not going back tomorrow.
241
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,917
Oh. Oh, it is.
242
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:45,876
Uh-uh. It's not.
243
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,919
It's so going back.
244
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,588
It's so not going back.
245
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,299
Hey, Doug, not only
are you stupid for buying this,
246
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:54,093
but you're arguing about it
in a really annoying way.
247
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:55,261
Tough noogies.
248
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,891
Look, I'm keeping the motorcycle.
249
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,060
For once, I'm wearing the pants
in the family.
250
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:04,061
Fine. Fine.
251
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,313
Keep the damn bike.
252
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,272
-I will.
-Fine.
253
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,231
-I will.
-Fine.
254
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,108
-I will.
-And by the way,
255
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,526
if you want to wear the pants,
256
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,320
you might think about pulling them up.
257
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,248
Well, peaches,
258
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,667
I think congratulations are in order.
259
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,753
Your father got himself a job.
260
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,298
Well, I'm going to assume
it's not the head of Pediatrics.
261
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:34,925
No, no. Unfortunately,
262
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,761
they did a little fishing around,
263
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,473
so instead, I accepted an offer
from an enterprise
264
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,224
known as "A Big Hot Pretzel."
265
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:47,271
Well, the important thing is,
you still get to work with kids.
266
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,065
Congratulations.
267
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,566
I'm proud of you.
268
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,651
Thank you.
269
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,110
The pay's not great,
270
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,904
but they agreed to let me work evenings.
271
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,365
That way, you and I can have
our days together.
272
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,243
I'd love to, Dad, but you know,
I work during the day.
273
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,453
Come on, darling.
274
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:03,829
You're going to have to be flexible
275
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,289
if we're going to make this work.
276
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,626
Okay, well, I guess my only other option
277
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:09,960
is to quit my job?
278
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:11,337
That's my girl.
279
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,465
Sewing kit? Here we go.
280
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,674
Got to let the crotch out
281
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:17,009
on these trousers.
282
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,928
After all, I'm selling pretzels,
283
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,554
not myself.
284
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,186
What's up?
285
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,489
Hey, babe.
286
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,241
Kiss?
287
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,494
You, uh, you want to know where I was?
288
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,912
I was...
289
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:45,996
I was out cruising.
290
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,333
Good for you, sweetie.
291
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,169
I was on my motorcycle.
292
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:54,130
I know. I know.
293
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,464
I'm fine with that.
294
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,632
You are?
295
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,426
Yeah, you know, I had
a good night's sleep,
296
00:11:58,509 --> 00:11:59,677
thought things through,
297
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:00,970
and I figured, hey, you know what?
298
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,681
If a motorcycle makes you happy,
299
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:06,183
then I'm happy too, because you know what?
300
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,810
Life's too short
301
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,979
not to do the things that make you happy.
302
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,313
Right?
303
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,236
Right.
304
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,197
So, you want to split an egg roll?
305
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,283
-Do you?
-All right...
306
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,244
What are you doing here?
307
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,329
What? Oh. Oh, this?
308
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,123
I'm just doing what makes me happy.
309
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,583
Oh, you know what?
310
00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,543
These are so smooth.
311
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,670
We've come a long way, baby.
312
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,965
So you're going to get cancer
to make a point?
313
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,468
Sure. I'll be in an iron lung,
you'll be in a wheelchair.
314
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,344
Hey, you know what? Maybe we can chip in
315
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,929
and share a helper monkey.
316
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,724
Well, you know what?
It's not going to work.
317
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,017
You can smoke all you want.
318
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,310
-I don't care.
-Well, I'm glad
319
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,978
you feel that way, sweetie.
320
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,646
Oh, I do.
321
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,273
I do. I do. You know?
322
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,858
Look, I'm not going to play games, Carrie.
323
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,027
I'm not going to that place
where you want me to go here.
324
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,112
If you want to ruin your lungs,
then that's...
325
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,366
All right.
326
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,493
Put her out.
327
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,869
I can't eat in that stink.
328
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,329
Well, then go eat with your motorcycle,
329
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,664
because I likes to smoke while I eat.
330
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,877
Fine. You know what? I will. I will.
331
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,045
You know what? I will.
332
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,254
and you can smoke all you want,
333
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,423
because I'm keeping my motorcycle.
334
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:20,716
Duck sauce.
335
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,497
Oh, don't mind me.
336
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,374
I'm just looking for something.
337
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,377
Oh, thank God.
338
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,462
You know,
339
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:41,881
if you lose one of these things,
340
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,424
it comes right out of your paycheck.
341
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,134
I already owe them
342
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,385
for that stupid soda machine.
343
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,098
So, uh... you...
344
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,684
You still enjoying the chopper?
345
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:54,935
Hmm?
346
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,395
Oh, uh, yeah.
347
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,813
It's great.
348
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,649
Don't let Carrie get you down.
349
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,777
You know, when I had my motorcycle,
350
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,404
her mother was the same way.
351
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,530
You had a bike?
352
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,407
Sure. Loved it too.
353
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,576
The great open road.
354
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,244
Rumble of your machine.
355
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,623
Camaraderie of your gang brothers.
356
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,044
You were in a gang?
357
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,128
Not really.
358
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,338
I asked them to let me in,
359
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,173
but they drank heavily all weekend
360
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,342
and beat me pretty severely...
361
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,639
Okay.
362
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:35,184
and I think I may have been compromised
363
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,685
by a gentleman named...
364
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,646
Road Dog.
365
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,877
God, I hate you!
366
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,589
Carrie!
367
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:06,674
Up here.
368
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,056
Hey.
369
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,642
Want to have sex?
370
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,561
I'm getting rid of the bike.
371
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,105
-You are?
-Mm-hmm.
372
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,356
Selling it tomorrow. You happy?
373
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:23,899
Well...
374
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,234
yeah.
375
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,778
What happened? You get sick of it?
376
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,698
No. Sorry. I didn't get sick of it.
377
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,075
You got sick of it.
378
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,618
-No.
-Yes!
379
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,036
No. Let me tell you something,
Carrie, okay?
380
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,037
I love that bike, okay?
381
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,622
I'm a free spirit on that bike.
382
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,666
Me and that bike are like this, okay?
383
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,668
Then why you getting rid of it?
384
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:45,879
Why, you ask me?
385
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,298
Because it just so happens
386
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,050
that I love this...
387
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,135
more.
388
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,179
This is why
I'm getting rid of the bike,
389
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,180
and no other reason,
390
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,390
and you know what?
391
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:57,808
If you can't understand that,
392
00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,226
then...
393
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,645
how sad your world must be.
394
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,114
Ah, there she is.
395
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:15,451
The harpy who made her husband
sell his motorcycle.
396
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:16,577
Dad, please.
397
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,078
Please, nothing. I know why you did this,
398
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,246
but let me tell you one thing.
399
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,873
Motorcycle or no motorcycle,
400
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,750
I'll find a way to get to work.
401
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,210
-Dad!
-I'll take the bus if I have to.
402
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,671
Sure, the bus can't pick me up
at my front door
403
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,591
or make my tushy feel good
with its rhythmic vibrations--
404
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:31,800
Dad, wait.
405
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,469
Would you just listen to me, please?
406
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,471
I'm glad you got a job.
407
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,264
I made Doug get rid of the motorcycle
408
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,974
because they're way too dangerous.
409
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,184
Uh-huh.
410
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,852
Well...
411
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,021
you know what's more dangerous?
412
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,231
What?
413
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,609
Having somebody resent you
414
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,070
for making them give up their dream...
415
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,240
and you know what's even more dangerous?
416
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,868
Leaving a pair of boxer shorts
417
00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,119
drying on a space heater,
418
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,746
so if you'll excuse me...
419
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,005
Aah!
420
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,597
I sold you.
421
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,102
Oh, shoot. You're home already.
422
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,269
I didn't get a chance
423
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,687
to put the bow on it yet.
424
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:26,647
Well...
425
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,773
here.
426
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:28,732
What...
427
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,858
What have you done?
428
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:31,652
I felt really guilty
429
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:32,903
about making you sell it,
430
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:33,946
and I didn't want you to hate me
431
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,989
for the rest of your life, so...
432
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,741
I bought it back.
433
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:38,951
You bought it back! That's...
434
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,619
You bought it back.
435
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,122
So what's the deal?
436
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,248
I don't get a hug for this?
437
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,666
Oh, yeah!
438
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:46,792
Yeah.
439
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:49,753
Now...
440
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,131
no riding at night,
441
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,549
no riding on the expressway,
442
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,134
and no riding in bad weather.
443
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,468
-You got it?
-Yeah. Yeah.
444
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,345
Oh, wait. I have another surprise for you.
445
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,848
They just keep coming, don't they?
446
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,478
Now we can go riding together.
447
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:07,771
Look at me.
448
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,984
I'm Pinky Tuscadero.
449
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,193
Come on.
450
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:14,736
Let's take it for a spin.
451
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,530
Let's bust some heads, baby.
452
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:17,614
Okay.
453
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,118
Come on!
454
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:23,412
Okay! Yeah! Okay!
455
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:24,913
All right.
456
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,964
Honey, don't you need to, like...
457
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:35,632
start it or something?
458
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:40,679
Funny story.
459
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,598
Uh, hey, get ready to laugh.
460
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,267
It turns out I hate the bike.
461
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:47,686
What?
462
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:48,604
I hate it.
463
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,730
Hey, let's go buy you a gift.
464
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:50,981
Come on.
465
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:51,940
Doug!
466
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,609
What do you mean you hate the bike?
467
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,235
I thought you loved this thing.
468
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,486
I don't love it, okay?
469
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,197
I mean, I get rained on,
470
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,656
people laugh at me,
471
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:00,991
and at night, no one can see you.
472
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,035
At night, you're going to die.
You might as well just face it.
473
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,286
You're going to die.
474
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,247
Well, then what was that
load of crap you gave me
475
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,457
about how much you loved it,
476
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,251
but you loved this more?
477
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,544
I was embarrassed, all right?
478
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,462
I was just trying to get out of this
479
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,796
with a shred of manhood.
480
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:15,839
And you thought you'd do that
481
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,132
by making me feel guilty
482
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,634
for the rest of my life?
483
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,469
It felt right at the time, yeah.
484
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,763
What is wrong with you?
485
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,848
I fell there!
486
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,726
Look, it was your fault too.
487
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,144
-My fault?
-Yeah, that...
488
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,438
That buzzer noise
is so insulting, you know?
489
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,358
I don't like it when you do it
in front of my friends...
490
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,736
and I really don't like it
when you do it during sex.
491
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,281
Anybody would've buzzed you on that one.
492
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,533
Hello. It was dark. I was disoriented.
493
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,703
Okay.
494
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:50,374
I'm sorry I buzzed you
about getting the motorcycle.
495
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,918
I just did it because I love you.
496
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,628
I know. I...
497
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,630
I love you too. Come here.
498
00:20:58,966 --> 00:20:59,883
All right.
499
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,927
Well, let's see where we're at
500
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:02,970
with this thing.
501
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,014
We got a bike that we don't want
502
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:07,766
that we bought twice
503
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:09,935
and I'm addicted to smoking.
504
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,522
Yeah, but we, uh...
We still got this, right?
505
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,983
Hmm? Oh, yeah. We still have this.
506
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,151
Okay, um...
507
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,362
I guess I'll just call Dirk tomorrow
508
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,989
and see if I can get my 800 bucks back.
509
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,323
Eight?
510
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,574
You, uh, you got the bike for eight?
511
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:27,869
Yeah. He wanted 1200.
Can you believe that?
512
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:30,455
That's ridiculous.
513
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:38,171
Hey, honey.
514
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:39,631
Hey. How you feeling?
515
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,133
Great.
516
00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:43,218
This nicotine patch really works.
517
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,220
It's like, "Cigarette?"
518
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:46,763
"No, thanks."
519
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:48,807
Good. I'm glad you feel that way.
520
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,435
You know, I think we're getting
521
00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:52,394
a little low on shampoo.
522
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,021
Can you pick up some later?
523
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:55,105
You got it.
524
00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:56,606
Oh, and don't forget,
525
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,233
we're having dinner with Deacon and Kelly
526
00:21:58,317 --> 00:21:59,234
on Thursday.
32517
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