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1
00:00:01,398 --> 00:00:03,195
What?
2
00:00:04,460 --> 00:00:07,312
Baby, are you watching
Real Housewives?
3
00:00:08,983 --> 00:00:11,085
I was gonna change the channel,
but then somebody
4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,770
threw a glass of wine
and somebody flipped a table
5
00:00:13,858 --> 00:00:16,375
and two hours later,
I'm Team Teresa.
6
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:18,622
Well, I'm Team Brandi.
7
00:00:18,780 --> 00:00:21,820
She could get hit by a table
and keep on drinking.
8
00:00:23,439 --> 00:00:24,527
Where's Malcolm?
9
00:00:24,614 --> 00:00:26,633
Oh, he's on a date
with Sofia.
10
00:00:26,945 --> 00:00:28,312
Again?
11
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,915
Wow, this is getting serious.
12
00:00:30,003 --> 00:00:31,905
I can't believe I still
haven't met that girl.
13
00:00:33,828 --> 00:00:35,827
And I can't believe
Teresa thinks she can
14
00:00:35,915 --> 00:00:37,506
flip over that giant...
15
00:00:37,594 --> 00:00:39,803
Oh, no, she did it.
16
00:00:41,866 --> 00:00:43,215
Oh, hey, guys.
17
00:00:43,303 --> 00:00:44,931
Tina, did we order
two white people?
18
00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:49,069
Uh, no, uh, I did.
19
00:00:49,157 --> 00:00:51,172
But don't worry,
I'll take 'em to go.
20
00:00:51,727 --> 00:00:53,022
So what's going on?
21
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:54,721
Marty invited us
to trivia night
22
00:00:54,838 --> 00:00:56,578
down at Ernie's Hot Spot.
23
00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,055
These Pasadena peeps
can't wait to play.
24
00:01:00,524 --> 00:01:03,204
Who are the Johnsons?
25
00:01:03,579 --> 00:01:05,228
Let me grab my jacket
and we'll go.
26
00:01:05,394 --> 00:01:06,701
Well, how about you guys?
You want to join us?
27
00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:09,166
Uh, thanks,
but I'm gonna stay in.
28
00:01:09,283 --> 00:01:11,336
I already took my bra off.
29
00:01:12,954 --> 00:01:15,376
Calvin, you want to come?
Are you kidding me?
30
00:01:15,468 --> 00:01:17,339
The last thing I want to do
is sit around
31
00:01:17,427 --> 00:01:18,777
with a bunch of eggheads
32
00:01:18,865 --> 00:01:21,719
racing to answer "what's the
biggest lake in Africa?"
33
00:01:21,889 --> 00:01:23,438
- Lake Victoria.
- Lake Victoria.
34
00:01:24,578 --> 00:01:26,580
Trivia isn't exactly
my dad's thing.
35
00:01:26,676 --> 00:01:29,219
The only facts he knows
are the ones that he makes up.
36
00:01:29,485 --> 00:01:32,047
And a lot of the times
he's wrong about those.
37
00:01:32,165 --> 00:01:35,816
Ho, ho. So y'all think
y'all smarter than me?
38
00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,819
Ha. Smart enough not to
answer that question out loud.
39
00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:41,604
Well, you don't know
what I know.
40
00:01:41,705 --> 00:01:44,493
I know stuff that I don't know
that I know I know.
41
00:01:44,681 --> 00:01:45,977
Well, so you're in?
42
00:01:46,165 --> 00:01:47,656
Hell yeah I'm in.
43
00:01:47,922 --> 00:01:50,258
And, uh, for your
information, Tina,
44
00:01:50,346 --> 00:01:52,087
penguins can fly.
45
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,751
They just cool where they at.
46
00:01:56,994 --> 00:01:59,423
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
47
00:01:59,511 --> 00:02:01,188
♪ Welcome to the hood ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
48
00:02:02,531 --> 00:02:04,531
Season 02 Episode 14
Title: "Welcome to Trivia Night"
49
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:07,948
Come on, Dad, think.
We need your answer.
50
00:02:08,035 --> 00:02:09,600
Okay, hold on, hold on, now.
51
00:02:09,688 --> 00:02:11,360
You want to get this
right, don't you?
52
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,415
I'm gonna order
the buffalo wings.
53
00:02:20,425 --> 00:02:21,639
I'm guessing this
is a slightly
54
00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:23,172
different crowd than
your dart night.
55
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,944
Hm. Sure is.
A lot younger.
56
00:02:26,032 --> 00:02:27,954
More man buns.
57
00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:30,185
And I heard some clown
order a gin and juice
58
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,969
with no gin.
59
00:02:32,795 --> 00:02:35,782
Where is my juice?
I ordered it ten minutes ago.
60
00:02:37,107 --> 00:02:40,811
All right! Welcome to Trivia Night
at Ernie's Hot Spot,
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00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,897
sponsored by
Carla's Fluff and Fold.
62
00:02:42,985 --> 00:02:45,899
Tell her I sent you
and get one free fluff.
63
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:48,902
Okay, y'all know how it works.
64
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:51,483
I spin the wheel
and read the questions,
65
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:54,962
you write down the answers
and order at least three drinks.
66
00:02:56,485 --> 00:03:00,008
"Astronomy." "Shakespeare."
"Foreign Films."
67
00:03:00,172 --> 00:03:02,089
Shouldn't those all be
under one category
68
00:03:02,176 --> 00:03:03,665
called "Who Cares?"
69
00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:06,725
Dad, I like all those things.
70
00:03:06,815 --> 00:03:09,016
I know.
Who cares?
71
00:03:09,407 --> 00:03:10,407
Okay,
72
00:03:10,495 --> 00:03:12,360
first category is...
73
00:03:15,587 --> 00:03:17,462
Ooh, "World Flags."
74
00:03:17,672 --> 00:03:19,071
Okay,
here we go.
75
00:03:19,446 --> 00:03:21,397
What is the only country
76
00:03:21,524 --> 00:03:24,252
whose flag has five sides?
77
00:03:25,565 --> 00:03:26,840
I got this one.
78
00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,700
Stop sign.
79
00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:33,996
Uh, Dad, that's an octagon.
80
00:03:34,084 --> 00:03:37,200
I don't care what kind
of government it is.
81
00:03:38,690 --> 00:03:40,059
Okay, I know this one.
82
00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:41,341
It's on the tip of my tongue.
83
00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:43,237
I know it definitely starts
with an "I".
84
00:03:43,325 --> 00:03:45,801
It's Nepal. Or ends with an "I".
85
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,442
Don't worry, sweetie, you were
about to get it.
86
00:03:49,942 --> 00:03:51,168
You weren't.
87
00:03:51,739 --> 00:03:53,997
Okay, everybody, boards up.
88
00:03:54,566 --> 00:03:55,661
The correct answer
89
00:03:55,749 --> 00:03:57,535
- is Nepal.
- Yes!
90
00:03:57,622 --> 00:03:59,237
And for everybody
who got that right,
91
00:03:59,325 --> 00:04:02,903
hike your way to the bar
and buy yourself a Fuzzy Nepal.
92
00:04:04,064 --> 00:04:06,159
Okay, good warm-up.
Just got to focus.
93
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,284
Which would be
so much easier
94
00:04:07,371 --> 00:04:08,981
if I had
my juice!
95
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:10,522
Okay...
96
00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:14,812
Ooh!
97
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,423
- Chemistry.
- Yes!
98
00:04:16,727 --> 00:04:20,127
Pb is the chemical symbol
99
00:04:20,215 --> 00:04:22,212
for what common element?
100
00:04:22,299 --> 00:04:23,866
Ah, I know this one.
101
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,090
Plubonium.
102
00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:27,991
Final answer.
103
00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:29,326
Seriously, Dad?
That's not even a...
104
00:04:29,413 --> 00:04:31,379
I said final answer.
105
00:04:31,557 --> 00:04:34,027
Gu-Guys, this is all me.
Just give me a second.
106
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:36,313
Pb. Pb.
107
00:04:36,646 --> 00:04:38,839
PB and J.
Aw, great.
108
00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:40,796
Now I'm hungry, too.
109
00:04:42,272 --> 00:04:43,490
It's lead.
110
00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:45,122
Boards up.
111
00:04:45,849 --> 00:04:48,150
The correct answer is lead.
112
00:04:48,238 --> 00:04:49,892
Yeah.
Nice, Marty.
113
00:04:49,979 --> 00:04:51,854
All right.
You and me got this.Yeah.
114
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,623
Hey, we're here, too.
115
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,049
Yeah, I know, but I still
think we can win.
116
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:01,626
Hey, Ma.
117
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:04,432
Hey. Did you have a good time
with Sofia?
118
00:05:04,602 --> 00:05:06,517
Yes, I did.
It was great.
119
00:05:06,604 --> 00:05:09,440
Oh. How long have you two
been seeing each other?
120
00:05:09,548 --> 00:05:11,217
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe like two...
121
00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:13,580
73 days!
122
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:19,526
When am I gonna
finally meet this girl?
123
00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:21,619
Look, I don't know, Ma.
Uh, soon, okay?
124
00:05:21,706 --> 00:05:22,877
Well, what's the problem?
125
00:05:22,965 --> 00:05:25,445
You act like you're afraid
to introduce her to me.
126
00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,893
I'm sorry if I wasn't
clear on that, Ma.
127
00:05:28,049 --> 00:05:29,322
I am terrified.
128
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:31,238
Oh, uh...
129
00:05:31,326 --> 00:05:32,526
Malcolm, why?
130
00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:34,668
Because every time
I bring a girl home,
131
00:05:34,756 --> 00:05:37,362
you grill her like she knows
who shot Tupac.
132
00:05:38,026 --> 00:05:39,072
Oh, please.
133
00:05:39,159 --> 00:05:40,744
All moms ask questions.
134
00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,233
Oh, really?
Do all moms open with,
135
00:05:43,321 --> 00:05:45,078
"Hey, I'm Tina.
Do you want
136
00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:47,291
and are you able to have kids?"
137
00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:51,869
Well, what can I say?
I'm a people person.
138
00:05:52,557 --> 00:05:54,713
I want her to make me
more people.
139
00:05:59,179 --> 00:06:00,441
Hey, Dave.
140
00:06:01,213 --> 00:06:02,494
Hey, Calvin.
141
00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:06,385
Congrats on the, uh,
big trivia win last night.
142
00:06:06,751 --> 00:06:09,057
Yeah.
You too.
143
00:06:10,915 --> 00:06:12,604
Marty was on fire.
144
00:06:13,362 --> 00:06:15,330
- So was Gemma.
- Yeah.
145
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:18,776
- Did you see how smug he was?
- She was being such a show-off!
146
00:06:19,392 --> 00:06:21,487
I mean, just because
I didn't go to college,
147
00:06:21,575 --> 00:06:23,012
he thinks he's smarter than me?
148
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,283
Well, technically,
it's not "smarter than me,"
149
00:06:25,371 --> 00:06:27,830
it's "smarter than I."
150
00:06:28,425 --> 00:06:30,807
But yours sounds
way more right.
151
00:06:31,231 --> 00:06:33,017
All I know is
that game wasn't fair.
152
00:06:33,105 --> 00:06:36,021
It was rigged for
book-smart nerds like Marty.
153
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,055
I regret the day
he learned to read.
154
00:06:38,143 --> 00:06:38,956
Yeah.
155
00:06:39,044 --> 00:06:42,309
You know, the only reason that
Gemma beat me to those answers
156
00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:44,393
is because I always
overthink things.
157
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:47,260
Or do I?
158
00:06:48,127 --> 00:06:49,517
I mean, they may have
book smarts,
159
00:06:49,605 --> 00:06:50,917
but we've got street smarts.
160
00:06:51,005 --> 00:06:52,832
Yeah, you know what,
of we had another chance,
161
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:55,230
we would bust a cat
in their ass.
162
00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:01,308
It's-it's a "cap," Dave,
not a cat.
163
00:07:03,902 --> 00:07:06,496
That does seem a lot easier.
164
00:07:07,903 --> 00:07:09,600
But like you said,
165
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,644
what if we had another chance?
166
00:07:11,884 --> 00:07:13,668
You mean go back
to Ernie's next week?
167
00:07:13,756 --> 00:07:14,996
No. No, no, no.
168
00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:16,172
I got a better idea.
169
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:18,214
We're gonna level
the playing field.
170
00:07:19,215 --> 00:07:21,487
- Oh, I see where you're going.
- You do?
171
00:07:21,614 --> 00:07:24,041
Not at all, but I trust you.
172
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,346
- So, do you eat sushi a lot?
- Not often.
173
00:07:29,445 --> 00:07:32,971
But I did once swallow
Marty's goldfish on a dare.
174
00:07:34,815 --> 00:07:36,330
Oh, my...
175
00:07:37,912 --> 00:07:39,901
Oh, my goodness.
176
00:07:40,049 --> 00:07:42,107
Malcolm,
what are you doing here?
177
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:45,635
You mean eating at the place
I told you I would be?
178
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,064
You did?
179
00:07:48,470 --> 00:07:51,448
That must be why
I'm in the mood for sushi.
180
00:07:54,104 --> 00:07:56,330
Ah... So, uh,
181
00:07:56,495 --> 00:07:58,714
aren't you gonna
introduce me?
182
00:07:59,427 --> 00:08:02,019
Mom, this is Sofia.
Sofia...
183
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,500
prepare yourself.
184
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,175
It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. Butler.
185
00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:09,136
So nice to meet you,
too.
186
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:11,221
Scoot over, Malcolm.
187
00:08:13,072 --> 00:08:15,915
Uh, Ma, this is awkward.
188
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,526
Ew, so is eating with sticks.
189
00:08:17,614 --> 00:08:19,912
A sister's gonna need
a fork up in here.
190
00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:25,020
Thanks for
helping us, Marty.
191
00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:26,891
Yeah, us two dummies,
192
00:08:26,978 --> 00:08:28,284
we tried everything,
193
00:08:28,371 --> 00:08:30,634
but we couldn't get
the Wi-Fi to work.
194
00:08:32,528 --> 00:08:35,370
Routers can be pretty
complicated, especially when
195
00:08:35,458 --> 00:08:37,364
you haven't plugged them in.
196
00:08:38,989 --> 00:08:41,075
Oh. Hey, guys.
197
00:08:41,508 --> 00:08:42,639
What are you
all doing?
198
00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:44,379
Well, one of us
is plugging in your router
199
00:08:44,466 --> 00:08:46,677
and the other two are
acting super sketchy.
200
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:50,341
Dave, what's going on?
201
00:08:50,524 --> 00:08:52,466
It's rematch time!
202
00:08:53,856 --> 00:08:56,486
You two are going down.
203
00:08:57,507 --> 00:09:01,044
Welcome to Trivia Night,
Home Edition.
204
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:04,935
Sponsored by
205
00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:06,935
Calvin made me do it.
206
00:09:12,493 --> 00:09:15,148
All right, it is game time.
207
00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:17,103
Calvin and Dave versus
208
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,497
Gemma and Marty.
209
00:09:18,631 --> 00:09:20,354
Tonight's drink
specials are
210
00:09:20,442 --> 00:09:22,849
make it yourself.
This ain't my house.
211
00:09:23,622 --> 00:09:24,802
Dad,
212
00:09:24,903 --> 00:09:26,378
why are you doing this?
213
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,507
To prove that me and Dave
are just as smart as you two.
214
00:09:29,594 --> 00:09:32,583
Oh, so you two actually think
you can beat us?
215
00:09:33,028 --> 00:09:34,565
Yeah, the guys who
were both convinced
216
00:09:34,653 --> 00:09:38,138
the tallest peak in California
was Space Mountain.
217
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:40,358
Uh, hello?
218
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:43,872
You start on land
and end in space.
219
00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:48,286
All right, then.
You asked for it.
220
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:49,856
Let's do this.
221
00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:51,877
Ha. Okay.
222
00:09:51,964 --> 00:09:53,836
Before you get too cocky,
223
00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:55,825
we added a couple
of new categories
224
00:09:55,927 --> 00:09:57,927
about some actual
important knowledge.
225
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,489
Yeah.Okay. Uh...
226
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:03,036
"Making Ends Meet."
227
00:10:03,723 --> 00:10:05,977
"Tools and Their Uses."
228
00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:07,825
"Famous Daves"?
229
00:10:08,348 --> 00:10:09,546
And I'll be one
230
00:10:09,634 --> 00:10:12,325
after I lay
the snackdown.
231
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:15,294
Dave, it's "smackdown."
232
00:10:15,552 --> 00:10:16,604
No, no, no, I know.
233
00:10:16,692 --> 00:10:18,356
I was just gonna
put some food out.
234
00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:22,259
So, Sofia, you're a teacher.
235
00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:23,792
That means you must
like children.
236
00:10:23,887 --> 00:10:25,344
Oh, yes, I love 'em.
237
00:10:25,431 --> 00:10:27,310
They're like little
gifts from God.
238
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:30,356
Ooh, a two-for-one answer.
239
00:10:30,825 --> 00:10:34,112
Oh. You got to keep this
one around, Malcolm.
240
00:10:35,388 --> 00:10:36,705
I'm trying to.
241
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,104
So tell me about your family.
Do they live in town?
242
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:42,449
Yes.
Boyle Heights.
243
00:10:42,599 --> 00:10:44,940
Oh. It must be nice
to have them nearby.
244
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:46,307
Do you see them a lot?
245
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,352
All the time.
In fact, Malcolm and I
246
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,411
just had dinner
with them last week.
247
00:10:52,871 --> 00:10:54,650
Is that right?
248
00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:58,117
So you all just met last week?
249
00:10:58,204 --> 00:11:00,552
Can a brother get
some sake up in here?
250
00:11:01,782 --> 00:11:03,557
Oh, no, that's not
when they met.
251
00:11:03,652 --> 00:11:05,436
We all went to a Lakers game
last month.
252
00:11:08,486 --> 00:11:10,517
Well, isn't that nice?
253
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,972
You know, everybody
just meeting and greeting
254
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:15,638
and going to games.
255
00:11:15,911 --> 00:11:18,181
Ain't nobody met my ass.
256
00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:21,479
All right, look, Ma,
I can explain.
257
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,778
No, no, no, no.
Don't bother.
258
00:11:23,903 --> 00:11:25,144
I've heard plenty.
259
00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:28,338
Sofia, enjoy the rest
of your evening, and Malcolm,
260
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,966
you're dead to me.
261
00:11:32,195 --> 00:11:36,403
Okay, the category
is "Making Ends Meet."
262
00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:39,158
"You just moved,
263
00:11:39,380 --> 00:11:41,823
"you're trying to get
your lights on,
264
00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:44,645
"but you got bad credit.
265
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,340
What do you do?"
266
00:11:48,685 --> 00:11:50,833
Put the bill
in your baby's name.
267
00:11:51,964 --> 00:11:54,278
- Correct!
- Yes! Yes.
268
00:11:54,724 --> 00:11:56,698
What kind
of trivia question is that?
269
00:11:56,831 --> 00:11:58,333
A good one.
270
00:11:59,048 --> 00:12:00,528
One that
someone might
271
00:12:00,615 --> 00:12:02,786
actually use
in their life.
272
00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:05,141
Wait a minute, is that
why my credit history
273
00:12:05,228 --> 00:12:07,230
goes back to
when I was five?
274
00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:11,177
Okay.
275
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:14,364
So the score
is Calvin and Dave: eight,
276
00:12:14,489 --> 00:12:16,354
Gemma and Marty: three.
277
00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:19,903
And still zero dollars
in my tip jar.
278
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:24,065
Okay. Dave, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?
279
00:12:24,153 --> 00:12:26,593
- Yeah, but we're right in the middle...
- Wrong answer.
280
00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:32,356
I can't believe you.
281
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:34,432
I know. I totally pulled
"Davy Crockett"
282
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,356
out of my butt back there.
283
00:12:37,153 --> 00:12:38,755
That's not what
I'm talking about.
284
00:12:38,957 --> 00:12:41,003
I'm talking about
how important it is
285
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:42,961
for you to prove
that you're smarter than me.
286
00:12:43,048 --> 00:12:44,746
No, it's not. And...
287
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:48,216
technically,
it's "smarter than I."
288
00:12:49,968 --> 00:12:52,106
Maybe, when you're using "than"
as a conjunction
289
00:12:52,194 --> 00:12:53,710
with an implied "am."
290
00:12:53,798 --> 00:12:56,349
But I just used it
as a preposition.
291
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:02,567
Okay, I owe Calvin an apology.
292
00:13:02,894 --> 00:13:05,974
So I'm better at trivia
than you. Big deal.
293
00:13:06,158 --> 00:13:07,810
Why are you being so insecure?
294
00:13:07,945 --> 00:13:10,354
I'm not insecure.
I'm the most secure.
295
00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:12,556
I-I'm the securest.
296
00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:14,036
Ugh.
297
00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:16,038
And I know that's not a word.
298
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:18,802
That's just how secure I am.
299
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:23,380
Fine, don't admit it to me, but
at least admit it to yourself:
300
00:13:23,513 --> 00:13:25,286
you're being a giant baby.
301
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,630
Well, you see,
that's why you're losing.
302
00:13:29,929 --> 00:13:32,401
A giant baby is just
a normal-sized adult.
303
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:42,800
Hey.
304
00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,575
Ah. Look who's home early.
305
00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:48,112
I thought maybe you'd be out
getting a family portrait
306
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,060
with Sofia's parents.
307
00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:53,625
Ma, will you stop?
308
00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,772
You met her parents, Malcolm.
309
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:59,124
More than once, but you wouldn't
let her meet me?
310
00:13:59,212 --> 00:14:01,096
Your father I get,
but me?
311
00:14:02,746 --> 00:14:05,026
Do I really embarrass you
that much?
312
00:14:05,114 --> 00:14:07,102
Ma, you asked Sofia
if she'll be wearing white
313
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,651
on her wedding day.
314
00:14:09,635 --> 00:14:11,868
Malcolm, I'm sorry
that you feel the need
315
00:14:11,956 --> 00:14:13,791
to protect your girlfriends
from me.
316
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:16,228
I didn't realize
I was such a horrible mother.
317
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:21,495
Look, Ma, I'm not just
protecting them.
318
00:14:21,712 --> 00:14:23,417
I'm also protecting you.
319
00:14:23,815 --> 00:14:25,142
From what?
320
00:14:25,237 --> 00:14:27,196
Every time I introduce you
to a girl,
321
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,643
you get so invested.
322
00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:30,820
You get to know them,
you get close to them,
323
00:14:30,984 --> 00:14:33,114
and when it doesn't work out,
it breaks your heart.
324
00:14:33,684 --> 00:14:36,143
That is not true.
325
00:14:36,557 --> 00:14:37,665
Oh, really?
326
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,557
When I broke up with Jessica,
you kept
327
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,073
sneaking out to see her
for three more weeks.
328
00:14:43,128 --> 00:14:45,245
I just needed more time, okay?
329
00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:49,579
Look, Ma, you know I love you.
330
00:14:49,667 --> 00:14:51,760
But it's hard enough for me
to get over a girl.
331
00:14:51,856 --> 00:14:54,448
I don't want to have to worry
about you getting over her, too.
332
00:14:55,190 --> 00:14:57,672
I guess I just keep hoping
every girl you bring home
333
00:14:57,768 --> 00:14:59,180
is gonna be the one.
334
00:14:59,268 --> 00:15:01,796
Ah, don't worry about it.
One of them will be.
335
00:15:02,748 --> 00:15:05,146
Hey, maybe Sofia.
We'll see.
336
00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:08,284
Okay.
337
00:15:08,673 --> 00:15:11,307
Well, as long
as it's not that Jessica.
338
00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:14,378
No, that bougie skank
totally ghosted me.
339
00:15:16,503 --> 00:15:19,112
Okay, we are neck and neck
340
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:23,448
after an epic collapse
from Calvin and Dave.
341
00:15:24,932 --> 00:15:26,237
What the hell is with you?
342
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,496
You just blew
four answers in a row.
343
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:30,495
In a question
about "Famous Daves,"
344
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,948
you answered Stephen King.
345
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,050
Well, I'm sorry, Calvin.
346
00:15:35,138 --> 00:15:37,151
I guess I'm just
not that smart.
347
00:15:37,239 --> 00:15:40,590
And I'm totally
okay with it.
348
00:15:41,237 --> 00:15:42,358
You're an idiot.
349
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:43,768
Exactly.
350
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:45,812
Okay, am I missing
something?
351
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:48,284
I am. Tips in my jar.
352
00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:51,729
Here's a quarter.
353
00:15:52,194 --> 00:15:53,464
Spin the damn wheel.
354
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:57,284
Okay, we are all tied up,
355
00:15:57,372 --> 00:16:00,675
and apparently,
since I'm doing this for a quarter,
356
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:01,917
this will be
357
00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:03,518
our last question.
358
00:16:07,306 --> 00:16:09,291
Ooh. "Auto Parts."
359
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:10,716
Come on.
That's not fair.
360
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,108
He's a mechanic.
361
00:16:12,242 --> 00:16:14,265
Ah, guys, do you want
to call it now,
362
00:16:14,353 --> 00:16:17,221
or do you want to go
through the humiliation?
363
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:21,432
I'm just kidding.
I want to see the humiliation.
364
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:26,366
Okay. "In a car's
engine's cylinders,
365
00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:28,260
the valves..."
366
00:16:29,284 --> 00:16:31,854
Lets the fuel in
and the exhaust out.
367
00:16:31,942 --> 00:16:32,997
Final answer.
368
00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:34,745
- Incorrect.
- What?
369
00:16:36,651 --> 00:16:39,323
I did not finish
asking the question.
370
00:16:39,589 --> 00:16:41,729
"In a car engine's
cylinders,
371
00:16:41,895 --> 00:16:45,370
"the valves let the fuel in
and the exhaust out.
372
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,516
This part moves the valves."
373
00:16:48,682 --> 00:16:50,337
Okay, okay, okay.
374
00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:51,753
Okay. I can figure this out.
375
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:55,279
Um, the spark plugs
ignite the fuel,
376
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,978
which fires the pistons,
which turns
377
00:16:58,099 --> 00:17:01,352
the crankshaft, which is
attached to the timing belt,
378
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,635
which turns the camshaft.
379
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,292
- Correct!
- Yes!
380
00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:11,776
Marty and Gemma win,
and I am out of here.
381
00:17:15,807 --> 00:17:18,495
Well, looks like
you were wrong.
382
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,348
Clearly, I have
nothing to prove.
383
00:17:20,436 --> 00:17:24,229
Which, if you think about it,
proves I was right.
384
00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:26,198
You know what
it proves to me?
385
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,948
That you're sleeping alone
tonight.
386
00:17:30,503 --> 00:17:31,635
Wait. I take it back.
387
00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:33,589
I was wrong
about being right.
388
00:17:34,982 --> 00:17:37,737
Well, Dad,
I guess I win again.
389
00:17:38,104 --> 00:17:40,323
Well, that's only 'cause I hit
the buzzer too fast.
390
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,604
You know what I mean?
391
00:17:41,692 --> 00:17:44,362
The problem
is my cat-like reflexes.
392
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,425
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
393
00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:48,862
Heads up.Hey... Oh, hey...
394
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:52,893
You saw how I blocked that,
right? I blocked that.
395
00:17:53,561 --> 00:17:56,042
Come on, Dad,
what's really going on here?
396
00:17:56,245 --> 00:18:00,612
Look, son, just because
you know a few random facts
397
00:18:00,823 --> 00:18:04,370
and have a degree, i-it's not
all the smart that you need.
398
00:18:04,468 --> 00:18:05,644
What are you talking about?
399
00:18:05,732 --> 00:18:07,951
Not everybody gets
to go to college.
400
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:09,453
I mean, I was
gonna go,
401
00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,294
but then your grandfather
got sick
402
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:14,151
and I had to go to work
at his shop.
403
00:18:15,573 --> 00:18:17,252
I-Is that what this is about?
404
00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:19,768
Dad, I-I don't think
I'm smarter than you.
405
00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:21,060
You don't?
406
00:18:21,148 --> 00:18:22,237
No.
407
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,689
How do you think
I knew all that car stuff?
408
00:18:24,823 --> 00:18:26,503
When I was a kid,
I followed you around,
409
00:18:26,591 --> 00:18:28,088
soaking up everything
you said.
410
00:18:28,338 --> 00:18:29,580
And then, because of
all your hard work,
411
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:31,297
I got to go to college,
where I learned
412
00:18:31,385 --> 00:18:33,112
half of it was wrong.
413
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,182
Well,
414
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,760
thanks to me,
you got out of kindergarten
415
00:18:39,848 --> 00:18:41,862
with an 800 credit score, so...
416
00:18:44,148 --> 00:18:47,807
Seriously, Dad, I'm only
where I am because of you.
417
00:18:47,945 --> 00:18:49,963
So thanks.
418
00:18:50,412 --> 00:18:52,002
You're welcome, son.
419
00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:55,696
Well, would you look at that?
420
00:18:56,291 --> 00:18:58,393
Looks like there are
no losers tonight.
421
00:19:00,815 --> 00:19:03,689
Well, looks like
I'm sleeping on the couch.
422
00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:06,940
I stand corrected.
423
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:16,884
Hey.
424
00:19:21,332 --> 00:19:23,144
I thought of another
trivia question.
425
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,613
"Which famous Dave acted
like a total idiot tonight?"
426
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:31,925
Me.
427
00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:35,386
Or I.
428
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,269
I honestly don't know.
429
00:19:38,436 --> 00:19:41,134
Can you please just tell me
why it was so important
430
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,788
to prove you're smarter than me?
431
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:44,518
Gemma, don't pretend
like you don't know.
432
00:19:44,606 --> 00:19:45,694
Know what?
433
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,213
Well, that everyone thinks
434
00:19:47,301 --> 00:19:50,086
that you're so accomplished
and smart and...
435
00:19:51,498 --> 00:19:53,744
...I'm just some hot
trophy husband.
436
00:19:56,308 --> 00:19:58,223
What are you talking about?
437
00:19:58,311 --> 00:20:02,141
Sweetie, you're the most
amazing man I know.
438
00:20:02,229 --> 00:20:03,448
Really?
439
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,377
Yeah. You've got
this great big heart,
440
00:20:06,465 --> 00:20:08,284
you make me laugh
all the time,
441
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:10,069
and how can you not
think you're smart,
442
00:20:10,157 --> 00:20:13,080
Mr. Treasurer
of the Kalamazoo juggling team?
443
00:20:15,103 --> 00:20:17,229
I kept the budget low
and the juggling clubs high.
444
00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:22,131
You know, you may have
lost trivia,
445
00:20:22,219 --> 00:20:24,877
but if you go light
some candles in the bedroom,
446
00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:27,705
you might win
something else instead.
447
00:20:28,558 --> 00:20:31,526
Are you talking about what
I think you're talking about?
448
00:20:33,012 --> 00:20:34,744
Correct.
449
00:20:36,096 --> 00:20:37,557
All right.
450
00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:41,143
Uh, uh...
451
00:20:41,361 --> 00:20:43,619
We are talking about sex, right?
452
00:20:44,728 --> 00:20:45,933
Yes.
453
00:20:46,482 --> 00:20:48,483
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
454
00:20:48,570 --> 00:20:50,195
It's a good thing,
he's hot.
455
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:51,782
Sync & corrections by srjanapala
32367
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