All language subtitles for The Neighborhood s02e14_English

[laughs]
What?

Baby, are you watching Real Housewives?

I was gonna change the channel,
but then somebody

threw a glass of wine
and somebody flipped a table

and two hours later,
I'm Team Teresa.

Well, I'm Team Brandi.

She could get hit by a table
and keep on drinking.

Where's Malcolm?

Oh, he's on a date
with Sofia.

Again?

Wow, this is getting serious.

I can't believe I still
haven't met that girl.

[knocking]

And I can't believe
Teresa thinks she can

flip over that giant...

Oh, no, she did it.

Oh, hey, guys.

Tina, did we order
two white people?

[mouths words]

Uh, no, uh, I did.

But don't worry,
I'll take 'em to go.

So what's going on?

Marty invited us
to trivia night

down at Ernie's Hot Spot.

These Pasadena peeps
can't wait to play.

[imitates buzzer]
Who are the Johnsons?

Let me grab my jacket
and we'll go.

Well, how about you guys?
You want to join us?

Uh, thanks,
but I'm gonna stay in.

I already took my bra off.

Calvin, you want to come?Are you kidding me?

The last thing I want to do
is sit around

with a bunch of eggheads

racing to answer "what's the
biggest lake in Africa?"

ALL:
Lake Victoria.

Trivia isn't exactly
my dad's thing.

The only facts he knows
are the ones that he makes up.

And a lot of the times
he's wrong about those.

Ho, ho. So y'all think
y'all smarter than me?

Ha. Smart enough not to
answer that question out loud.

Well, you don't know
what I know.

I know stuff that I don't know
that I know I know.

Well, so you're in?

Hell yeah I'm in.

And, uh, for your
information, Tina,

penguins can fly.

They just cool where they at.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Come on, Dad, think.
We need your answer.

Okay, hold on, hold on, now.

You want to get this
right, don't you?

I'm gonna order
the buffalo wings.

I'm guessing this
is a slightly

different crowd than
your dart night.

Sure is.
A lot younger.

More man buns.

And I heard some clown
order a gin and juice

with no gin.

Where is my juice? I
ordered it ten minutes ago.

All right! Welcome to trivia
night at Ernie's Hot Spot,

sponsored by
Carla's Fluff and Fold.

Tell her I sent you
and get one free fluff.

Okay, y'all know how it works.

I spin the wheel
and read the questions,

you write down the answers
and order at least three drinks.

"Astronomy." "Shakespeare."
"Foreign Films."

Shouldn't those all be
under one category

called "Who Cares?"

Dad, I like all those things.

I know.
Who cares?

ERNIE:
Okay,

first category is...

Ooh, "World Flags."

Okay,
here we go.

What is the only country

whose flag has five sides?

[laughs]
I got this one.

Stop sign.

Uh, Dad, that's an octagon.

I don't care what kind
of government it is.

Okay, I know this one.

It's on the tip of my tongue.

I know it definitely starts
with an "L".

It's Nepal.Or ends with an "L".

Don't worry, sweetie, you were
about to get it.

You weren't.

Okay, everybody, boards up.

The correct answer

is Nepal.Yes!

And for everybody
who got that right,

hike your way to the bar
and buy yourself a Fuzzy Nepal.

Okay, good warm-up.
Just got to focus.

Which would be so much easier

if I had
my juice!

ERNIE:
Okay...

Ooh!

Chemistry.Yes!

Pb is the chemical symbol

for what common element?

Ah, I know this one.

Plubonium.

Final answer.

Seriously, Dad?
That's not even a...

I said final answer.

Gu-Guys, this is all me.
Just give me a second.

Pb. Pb.

PB and J.
Aw, great.

Now I'm hungry, too.

It's lead.

Boards up.

The correct answer is lead.

Yeah.
Nice, Marty.

All right.
You and me got this.Yeah.

Hey, we're here, too.

Yeah, I know, but I still
think we can win.

Hey, Ma.

Hey. Did you have a good time
with Sofia?

Yes, I did.
It was great.

Oh. How long have you two
been seeing each other?

Uh, I don't know.
Maybe like two...

73 days!

When am I gonna
finally meet this girl?

Look, I don't know, Ma.
Uh, soon, okay?

Well, what's the problem?

You act like you're afraid
to introduce her to me.

I'm sorry if I wasn't
clear on that, Ma.

I am terrified.

Oh, uh...

Malcolm, why?

Because every time
I bring a girl home,

you grill her like she knows
who shot Tupac.

Oh, please.

All moms ask questions.

Oh, really?
Do all moms open with,

"Hey, I'm Tina.
Do you want

and are you able to have kids?"

Well, what can I say?
I'm a people person.

I want her to make me
more people.

Hey, Dave.

Hey, Calvin.

Congrats on the, uh,
big trivia win last night.

Yeah.
You too.

Marty was on fire.

So was Gemma.Yeah.

Did you see how smug he was?She was being such a show-off!

I mean, just because
I didn't go to college,

he thinks he's smarter than me?

Well, technically,
it's not "smarter than me,"

it's "smarter than I."

But yours sounds
way more right.

All I know is
that game wasn't fair.

It was rigged for
book-smart nerds like Marty.

I regret the day
he learned to read.Yeah.

You know, the only reason that
Gemma beat me to those answers

is because I always
overthink things.

Or do I?

I mean, they may have
book smarts,

but we've got street smarts.

Yeah, you know what,
of we had another chance,

we would bust a cat
in their ass.

It's-it's a "cap," Dave,
not a cat.

That does seem a lot easier.

But like you said,

what if we had another chance?

You mean go back
to Ernie's next week?

No. No, no, no.

I got a better idea.

We're gonna level
the playing field.

Oh, I see where you're going.You do?

Not at all, but I trust you.

So, do you eat sushi a lot?Not often.

But I did once swallow
Marty's goldfish on a dare.

Oh, my...

Oh, my goodness.

Malcolm,
what are you doing here?

You mean eating at the place
I told you I would be?

You did?
[laughs]

That must be why
I'm in the mood for sushi.

[laughing]

Ah... So, uh,

aren't you gonna introduce me?

Mom, this is Sofia.
Sofia...

prepare yourself.

It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. Butler.

So nice to meet you, too.

Scoot over, Malcolm.

[chuckling]

Uh, Ma, this is awkward.

Ew, so is eating with sticks.

A sister's gonna need
a fork up in here.

[laughs]

Thanks for
helping us, Marty.

Yeah, us two dummies,

we tried everything,

but we couldn't get
the Wi-Fi to work.

Routers can be pretty
complicated, especially when

you haven't plugged them in.

Oh. Hey, guys.

What are you
all doing?

Well, one of us
is plugging in your router

and the other two are
acting super sketchy.

Dave, what's going on?

It's rematch time!

You two are going down.

Welcome to Trivia Night,
Home Edition.

Sponsored by

Calvin made me do it.

All right, it is game time.

Calvin and Dave versus

Gemma and Marty.

Tonight's drink
specials are

make it yourself.
This ain't my house.

Dad,

why are you doing this?

To prove that me and Dave
are just as smart as you two.

Oh, so you two actually think
you can beat us?

Yeah, the guys who
were both convinced

the tallest peak in California
was Space Mountain.

Uh, hello?

You start on land
and end in space.

All right, then.
You asked for it.

Let's do this.

Ha. Okay.

Before you get too cocky,

we added a couple
of new categories

about some actual
important knowledge.

Yeah.Okay. Uh...

"Making Ends Meet."

"Tools and Their Uses."

"Famous Daves"?

And I'll be one

after I lay
the snackdown.

Dave, it's "smackdown."

No, no, no, I know.

I was just gonna
put some food out.

So, Sofia, you're a teacher.

That means you must
like children.

Oh, yes, I love 'em.

They're like little
gifts from God.

Ooh, a two-for-one answer.

Oh. You got to keep this
one around, Malcolm.

[both laugh]

I'm trying to.

So tell me about your family.
Do they live in town?

Yes.
Boyle Heights.

Oh. It must be nice
to have them nearby.

Do you see them a lot?

All the time.
In fact, Malcolm and I

just had dinner
with them last week.

Is that right?

So you all just met last week?

Can a brother get
some sake up in here?

Oh, no, that's not
when they met.

We all went to a Lakers game
last month.

Well, isn't that nice?
[laughs]

You know, everybody
just meeting and greeting

and going to games.

Ain't nobody met my ass.

All right, look, Ma,
I can explain.

No, no, no, no.
Don't bother.

I've heard plenty.

Sofia, enjoy the rest
of your evening, and Malcolm,

you're dead to me.

Okay, the category
is "Making Ends Meet."

"You just moved,

"you're trying to get
your lights on,

"but you got bad credit.

[mouths]

What do you do?"

[buzz]

Put the bill
in your baby's name.

Correct!Yes! Yes.

What kind
of trivia question is that?

A good one.

One that
someone might

actually use
in their life.

Wait a minute, is that
why my credit history

goes back to
when I was five?

ERNIE:
Okay.

So the score
is Calvin and Dave: eight,

Gemma and Marty: three.

And still zero dollars
in my tip jar.

Okay. Dave, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?

Yeah, but we're right
in the middle...

[buzz]Wrong answer.

I can't believe you.

I know. I totally pulled
"Davy Crockett"

out of my butt back there.

That's not what
I'm talking about.

I'm talking about
how important it is

for you to prove
that you're smarter than me.

No, it's not. And...

technically,
it's "smarter than I."

Maybe, when you're using "than"
as a conjunction

with an implied "am."

But I just used it
as a preposition.

[sighs]

Okay, I owe Calvin an apology.

So I'm better at trivia
than you. Big deal.

Why are you being so insecure?

I'm not insecure.
I'm the most secure.

I-I'm the securest.

Ugh.

And I know that's not a word.

That's just how secure I am.

Fine, don't admit it to me, but
at least admit it to yourself:

you're being a giant baby.

[chuckles] Well, you see,
that's why you're losing.

A giant baby is just
a normal-sized adult.

♪

Hey.

Ah. Look who's home early.

I thought maybe you'd be out
getting a family portrait

with Sofia's parents.

Ma, will you stop?

You met her parents, Malcolm.

More than once, but you wouldn't
let her meet me?

Your father I get, but me?

Do I really embarrass you
that much?

Ma, you asked Sofia
if she'll be wearing white

on her wedding day.

Malcolm, I'm sorry
that you feel the need

to protect your girlfriends
from me.

I didn't realize
I was such a horrible mother.

Look, Ma, I'm not just
protecting them.

I'm also protecting you.

From what?

Every time I introduce you
to a girl,

you get so invested.

You get to know them,
you get close to them,

and when it doesn't work out,
it breaks your heart.

[laughs]:
That is not true.

Oh, really?

When I broke up with Jessica,
you kept

sneaking out to see her
for three more weeks.

I just needed more time, okay?

Look, Ma, you know I love you.

But it's hard enough for me
to get over a girl.

I don't want to have to worry
about you getting over her, too.

I guess I just keep hoping
every girl you bring home

is gonna be the one.

Ah, don't worry about it.
One of them will be.

Hey, maybe Sofia.
We'll see.

[chuckles]

Okay.

Well, as long
as it's not that Jessica.

No, that bougie skank
totally ghosted me.

♪

Okay, we are neck and neck

after an epic collapse
from Calvin and Dave.

What the hell is with you?

You just blew
four answers in a row.

In a question
about "Famous Daves,"

you answered Stephen King.

Well, I'm sorry, Calvin.

I guess I'm just
not that smart.

And I'm totally okay with it.

You're an idiot.

Exactly.

Okay, am I missing
something?

I am. Tips in my jar.

Here's a quarter.

Spin the damn wheel.

Okay, we are all tied up,

and apparently, since I'm
doing this for a quarter,

this will be

our last question.

Ooh. "Auto Parts."

MARTY:
Come on.
That's not fair.

He's a mechanic.

Ah, guys, do you want
to call it now,

or do you want to go
through the humiliation?

I'm just kidding.
I want to see the humiliation.

Okay. "In a car's
engine's cylinders,

the valves..."[buzz]

Lets the fuel in
and the exhaust out.

Final answer.

Incorrect.What?

I did not finish
asking the question.

"In a car engine's
cylinders,

"the valves let the fuel in
and the exhaust out.

This part moves the valves."

MARTY:
Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. I can figure this out.

Um, the spark plugs
ignite the fuel,

which fires the pistons,
which turns

the crankshaft, which is
attached to the timing belt,

which turns the camshaft.

Correct!Yes!

Marty and Gemma win,
and I am out of here.

[coin clanks in jar]

Well, looks like you were wrong.

Clearly, I have
nothing to prove.

Which, if you think about it,
proves I was right.

You know what
it proves to me?

That you're sleeping alone
tonight.

Wait. I take it back.

I was wrong
about being right.

Well, Dad,
I guess I win again.

Well, that's only 'cause I hit
the buzzer too fast.

You know what I mean?

The problem
is my cat-like reflexes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Heads up.Hey... Oh, hey...

You saw how I blocked that,
right? I blocked that.

Come on, Dad,
what's really going on here?

Look, son, just because
you know a few random facts

and have a degree, i-it's not
all the smart that you need.

What are you talking about?

Not everybody gets
to go to college.

I mean, I was
gonna go,

but then your grandfather
got sick

and I had to go to work
at his shop.

I-Is that what this is about?

Dad, I-I don't think
I'm smarter than you.

You don't?

No.

How do you think
I knew all that car stuff?

When I was a kid,
I followed you around,

soaking up everything you said.

And then, because of
all your hard work,

I got to go to college,

where I learned
half of it was wrong.

Well,

thanks to me,
you got out of kindergarten

with an 800 credit score, so...

Seriously, Dad, I'm only
where I am because of you.

So thanks.

You're welcome, son.

Well, would you look at that?

Looks like there are
no losers tonight.

[grumbles]

Well, looks like
I'm sleeping on the couch.

I stand corrected.

Hey.

I thought of another
trivia question.

"Which famous Dave acted
like a total idiot tonight?"

[buzz]

Me.

[sighs] Or I.

I honestly don't know.

Can you please just tell me
why it was so important

to prove you're smarter than me?

Gemma, don't pretend
like you don't know.

Know what?

Well, that everyone thinks

that you're so accomplished
and smart and...

...I'm just some hot
trophy husband.

What are you talking about?

Sweetie, you're the most
amazing man I know.

Really?

Yeah. You've got
this great big heart,

you make me laugh
all the time,

and how can you not
think you're smart,

Mr. Treasurer
of the Kalamazoo juggling team?

I kept the budget low
and the juggling clubs high.

[laughs]

You know, you may have
lost trivia,

but if you go light
some candles in the bedroom,

you might win
something else instead.

Are you talking about what
I think you're talking about?

[buzz]

Correct.

All right.

Uh, uh...

We are talking about sex, right?

Yes.

It's a good thing he's hot.

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