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1
00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,137
(Electricity crackling)
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,538
Announcer: Fargo.
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,674
All new wednesdays at 10:00.
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,509
On fx.
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,645
Woman: Son of a bitch!
6
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:16,849
Woman (Announcing):
Fxx presents Archer.
7
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,123
(Schnuckiputzi purring)
8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,959
So, uh, what are we doing?
9
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,293
Are we just
jumping right into this,
10
00:00:28,295 --> 00:00:29,628
or what's the deal?
11
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:30,896
(krieger whistling)
(Door opens)
12
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,197
(Growls)
13
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,466
Alrighty!
And how's our patient?
14
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:38,237
And, follow up,
where is our patient?
(Meows)
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,872
Meaning?
(Meows)
16
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,340
Okay, you know what?
17
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,075
You're about as helpful
as tits on a--
18
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,677
(yells)
You!
19
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,579
(Meows)
Look what you've done to me!
20
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,582
(Hoarse voice):
Yeah, right?
I'm a monster!
21
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,052
You're a miracle!
You didn't even have feet!
22
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,754
Now look at you,
walking around on new legs,
23
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,157
with hands
that can crush steel--
24
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,860
(high-pitched voice):
And, I mean, don't try it
right now, obviously, but--
25
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,029
(gasping)
Look at me!
26
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:05,864
I'm a goddamn freak!
27
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,667
And I don't know
who I'm gonna kill first,
28
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,003
you or that
son of a bitch len trexler.
29
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:13,238
Well, first of all,
it's "whom."
30
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,773
Uh, no, it isn't.
31
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,341
It absolutely is.
Doesn't matter.
32
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,177
But if it'll
help you decide,
33
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,446
this serum, which is sort of
the key to the whole deal,
34
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,880
I call factor-k.
35
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,917
And?
And your body will
reject its new components,
36
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,285
and you will die in agony,
37
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,786
unless you get
an injection of it.
38
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:30,189
Wha-- well,
give it here, shitbeard.
39
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,092
Uhh! Goddamn it.
40
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,461
Ow. Okay,
that kind of hurt,
41
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,729
and I'm already
in a pretty bad mood,
42
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,431
so I'm gonna
kill you first.
43
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,266
So, any last words?
44
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,202
Every 12 hours.
45
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,770
Cryptic. Nice.
46
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,738
Usually people just
blubber and beg,
47
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,641
and those big gloobs of snot
run outta their nose, but you--
48
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:52,544
if you don't get a shot
of factor-k every 12 hours,
49
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:53,812
you will die.
50
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,048
Bullshit.
Which-- and that's
fair, but--
51
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:57,449
let me guess.
52
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,952
You're only gonna make enough
for one injection at a time.
53
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,920
(Chuckling)
Well, I am now.
54
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,890
Goddamn it!
Yeah, so, like
an insurance policy.
55
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,993
How long does it take you
to make it?
I don't know. An hour?
56
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:10,896
Well, then, I guess I'll
wake you up in about 11 hours.
57
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,298
Wake me--
(Grunts)
(Body thuds)
58
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,503
What the-- are you...
59
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:21,106
Dreamland... has a whole goddamn
60
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:24,610
Nazi robot farm
in the basement.
61
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,345
In this economy!
62
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,514
Figgis:
Hello?
63
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,016
Hello! Son of a--
64
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,518
hang on.
(Lighter clicks)
65
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,587
What the--
oh, for the love of cocks!
66
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:39,525
(Sighs)
I mean, seriously, just...
67
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:42,361
Goddamn it.
68
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,830
� �
69
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,938
hello!
Can anybody hear me?
70
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,541
Man, that thing
is outta control.
71
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,743
Hello! Hello!
72
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,079
Somebody! Hey!
(Flame whooshes)
73
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,982
What the--
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
74
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:40,385
Help! My pubes!
(Sobbing)
(Thudding)
75
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,654
My goddamn pubes
are on fire!
76
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,856
(Muffled)
All right.
I guess let him out.
77
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,592
Now that second lunch
is ruined.
78
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,728
(Sobbing, yelling)
(Coughing)
79
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,164
Aw, man!
Some of it got in my mouth.
80
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,433
(Scoffs)
How long was I in there?
81
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,867
How should I know?
82
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,770
Usually dead people don't just
climb out of these drawers
83
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,572
with their big bushy
birds on fire,
84
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,941
so for all I know,
you're that zombie
85
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,043
that got walked with!
That what?
86
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:08,347
In the movie
I walked with a zombie.The zombie titular.
87
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,681
I'm not a goddamn--
88
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,452
I am lieutenant cyril figgis,
LAPD, you sentient shit-sacks!
89
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:17,089
I showed you my shield!
And if you'd show
it to me again--
90
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,757
I don't--
whoever hit me took it.
91
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,293
(Gasps) Goddamn it!
And my service weapon!
92
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,462
And yet they left you
your lighter.
93
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,398
Wait. When I got pistol-whipped,
i was talking to an English guy.
94
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,699
We don't have
an English guy.
95
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,735
I-- you have to remember me!
96
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:33,038
Uh, actually, I don't.
And also, I don't, so--
97
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,208
oh, you think you're
pretty smart, huh?
I mean, smart enough to know
98
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,710
you cut a finger
off one of my cadavers--
which, ew.
99
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:42,881
And also gross abuse of a
corpse, which is punishable by--
100
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,417
I know all about
gross abuse of a corpse!
101
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:48,720
Yeah, that's kind of
my whole point.
(Growls)
102
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,423
As the lord our god himself
is my witness,
103
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,226
upon the conclusion
of my current business,
104
00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:56,495
I shall return to this place
105
00:04:56,497 --> 00:05:00,666
and visit upon you an apocalypse
of such terror and destruction
106
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:04,903
that you will rue-- rue the very
fact of your miserable birth!
107
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:08,573
I'll be here.
108
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,911
I actually won't.
Well, unless it's before Friday.
109
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,414
Oh, yeah, that's right.
What's it you're leaving to do?
110
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:18,450
Lumber inspector.
Huh. Didn't know
that was a thing.
111
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,419
That's because
you have no vision.
112
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,322
This, Danny--
(Sniffs) This is your world.
113
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,490
Yeah.
114
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,427
Please, figgis, for your sake,
tell me you're joking.
115
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,761
It's just a temporary setback,
116
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,197
but I am going to fix this, trust me.
117
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,599
That's the whole point.
I don't trust you.
118
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:38,503
I wouldn't trust you
to fix potato (Bleep) Salad!
119
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,839
You're probably
one of those assholes
120
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,708
who puts relish in it!
121
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,945
I mean, first my whores,
and now Charlotte vandertunt?
122
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,314
How many women can one man lose?
123
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,016
Oh, plus your wife.
Would you--
124
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,051
oh! Mr. trexler,
125
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,722
I swear to god that I will
get you your million dollars.
126
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,623
You know, you say that with the confidence of a man
127
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,158
who has a lot longer to live.
128
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,626
I--
(Click, dial tone)
129
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,663
How'd that go?
130
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,298
How do you think it went?
131
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,666
Not great.
Ya think?
132
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:08,800
Yes.
133
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,335
Because while I was
getting pistol-whipped
134
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,037
and shoved in a drawer
at the morgue--
135
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,973
losing precious time, not to
mention my gun and my shield--
136
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,309
you were supposed to find
Charlotte vandertunt.
137
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,643
And, so, how did that go?
(Pounds desk)
138
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:21,246
Also not great.
But more importantly--
139
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,215
because we know Archer
broke her out of jail,
140
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,083
and we know he's working
for mother, so--
141
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,351
son of a bitch!
142
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,320
I bet she's gonna try
to ransom Charlotte!
143
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,889
Wait. Shut up.
"More importantly" what?
144
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,325
What is that smell?
What is what smell?
145
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:37,062
(Sniffs)
That. Smells like cuy.
146
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,564
What the hell is cuy?
Roasted Guinea pig.
147
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,033
Huh?
They blowtorch the hair
right off of it.
148
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,169
It's like the national dish
of Peru.
(Sighs) Did--
149
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,405
or is it Ecuador?
Did you--
150
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,407
which one's the native habitat
of the spectacled bear?
151
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:51,042
Did--
wait. Shit.
They both are.
152
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,612
Hang on.
Uh, hey, let me see
your service weapon.
153
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,347
Huh? Yeah. Here.
154
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,849
Now, Peru has
the pisco sour, but--
155
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,217
did you find
Charlotte vandertunt?
156
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,752
Tell me before, so help me god,
157
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:03,422
I put a bullet in your
big fat stupid face!
158
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,391
(Clears throat) First of all,
that's just hurtful.
159
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,593
(Gun cocks)
And second of all,
160
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:12,264
it doesn't matter where she is,
just where the ransom money is.
161
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,599
Hmm. Presumably
with the vandertunts.
162
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,701
So all we gotta do is--
163
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,104
insinuate ourselves
into this whole deal,
164
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,572
like we're there to help,
165
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,374
and steal the ransom
during the exchange.
166
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,742
Yeah. It's a piece of piss.
167
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,410
Now, aren't you glad
you didn't shoot me?
168
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,545
(Sighs) For now.
169
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,546
Although I'm sure
at some point
170
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:28,613
I'll regret that
decision, so--
171
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,248
why is there blood
on the barrel?
172
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,885
What? No.
That's, um, hot sauce.
173
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,388
Well, why is there
hot sauce on it?
174
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,623
With a couple of hairs
stuck in it.
175
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,892
Oh, sweet Christ.
What?
176
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,561
Did you beat a Guinea
pig to death
177
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,762
with your service weapon,
178
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,964
slather the thing
in hot sauce and eat it?
179
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,232
Yep!
180
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:49,134
Well, I officially regret
my decision.
181
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,103
(Chuckling)
Man, I almost always do.
182
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:55,340
(Gong bangs)
(Chattering in Chinese)
183
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:59,311
Hey! Who keeps leaving
the goddamn seat down?
184
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,246
Looking your way, huizhong.
185
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:09,321
Poovey:
So, how are we gonna play this
with the vandertunts?
186
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,523
We're gonna play it that
you keep your fat mouth shut--
187
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,992
again, hurtful.
...While I explain to them
188
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,461
that the cavalry
is finally here.
189
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,464
Yes, it's right here,
as per your demand--
190
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,700
a million dollars
in unmarked, untraceable
191
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,768
20, 50,
and 100-dollar bills.
192
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,437
Okay. Good. Good. That's--
193
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,672
sheer idiocy on your part, frankly.
194
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,674
I'm sorry?
As well you should be.
195
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,676
What do you--
i mean, including the bag,
196
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,345
which, by the way,
was a gift,
197
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,847
the whole thing must weigh a good 50 pounds.
198
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,350
Well, too bad. I--
i mean, an envelope
199
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:41,386
with a hundred sammies
would've been so much easier.
200
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,021
A hundred what?
Sammies.
201
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,456
After salmon p. Chase,
202
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,191
the man on the $10,000 bill?
203
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,026
Well, what the hell
am I supposed to do
204
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,961
with a $10,000 bill?
205
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,330
Well, what does one do with a twenty-dollar bill?
206
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,232
Buy a single orange?
That's--
207
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,635
just make sure the money's
at the drop by midnight,
208
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:59,337
and that you follow
my instructions to the letter.
209
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:02,340
Mmm, like a reverse
scavenger hunt.
(Sighs)
210
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,675
And once we have the money,
211
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,677
we'll arrange for the return
of your sister.
212
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,413
Oh, right. Yes. Sorry. I forgot that part.
213
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,715
And that's a firm firm?
Yes.
214
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,218
And no cops,
at all, anywhere.
215
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,253
No police.
Also a firm firm?
216
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,557
Yes, it's a firm firm! Wait. Why?
217
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,559
What? I-- I don't know.
No reason.
218
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,727
I'm sorry.
This is my first kidnapping.
219
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,163
Well--
(In spooky voice):
Or is it?
220
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,332
(Evil chuckle)
Jesus Christ.
221
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,168
(Click, dial tone)
Ciao!
Alrighty, then.
222
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,237
Who's for cuy?
223
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,838
(Figgis yells, gags)
224
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,006
(Muffled gag)
225
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,508
(Sniffs)
Yes,
226
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,710
that's probably why
you smell burnt hair.
227
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,712
But don't judge them
by their looks.
228
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,914
They may seem appalling...
(Chomping)
229
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,017
But trust me,
they're quite delicious.
230
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,386
(In spooky voice)
Yes, delicious.
231
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,755
Like all taboos.
232
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,791
(Muffled):
You're frickin' weird.
233
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,393
I mean, just weird.
Lana:
What is?
234
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,862
(Gasps)
Lana! Uh, I mean, miss Kane.
235
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,398
I-- I mean, uh--
"Lana" is fine.
236
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,233
I'll say.
You'll say what?
237
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:05,036
Nothing.
Ah. A man of mystery.
238
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,539
Well, you know,
mainly in the sense
239
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:10,108
that I try to solve them,
you know--
240
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,743
on your own.
Well, yeah.
241
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,945
I mean,
since my partner died.
242
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,581
Which I actually
should really--
i meant without the police.
243
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,816
Without the who now?
244
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,385
"No cops,
at all, anywhere,"
245
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,420
I believe were
your exact words.
246
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,623
My exac--
were you eavesdropping on me?
247
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,057
Yes.
248
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,059
Did you have a follow-up
to that, or--
249
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,095
no, actually,
because you caught me
250
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,097
totally off guard
by not denying it.
251
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,099
But how much of that
did you hear?
252
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,901
Depends.
What's your angle, shamus?
253
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,938
(Chuckling)
Well, uh, probably
about 30 degrees.
254
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,674
(Rimshot)
Gillette:
Diminishing returns, cliff!
255
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,776
But I'm not working
any angle, so--
256
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:47,278
so, then, you wouldn't
need any help?
257
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,615
No, i--
why are you so interested?
No reason.
258
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:53,618
Just thought maybe you could
make it worth my while.
259
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,620
Well, i-- I can't, so--
260
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:58,356
what if I made it
worth your while?
261
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,358
Umm...
262
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,494
No.
263
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,629
No what? Wait. What?
264
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,765
What? At the club,
i said, "umm,"
265
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,966
and then I was gonna say, "no,"
266
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,467
but then you didn't
let me finish.
267
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,871
Oh, you finished, all right.
Yeah. Maybe try woolite?
268
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,006
Which, by the way,
makes one of us!
269
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,043
Oh, please!
Wait. Seriously?
Get out.
270
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,311
'Cause I'd be happy to,
you know--
271
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:24,049
get--
(Chuckles)
...St-stay and watch you finish.
272
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,151
...out!
Jesus!
273
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,253
Look, if you-- ehh!
274
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,523
(Sighs)
Great.
275
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,058
Now I have no liquor.
276
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,161
Just a big fat pair
of blue lady-balls.
277
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,363
Torrent downloaded from RARBG
278
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,666
(Speaking German)
(Meows, purrs)
279
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:44,235
(Spits, groans)
That's my mouth!
(Whining)
280
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,371
Get outta here!
(Spits) Oh!
281
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,374
(Spits) If I wanted your
asshole on my mouth,
282
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,009
I'd do it while
you were asleep!
283
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,344
Which we've never
talked about, but-- ow!
284
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,980
My face!
How long was I out?
285
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,982
(Meows)
Oh, that helps.
286
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:00,919
Man, I gotta warn trexler
Dutch wants to kill him.
287
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,922
Mainly because trexler
hasn't paid me for my work yet,
288
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,557
but also because--
289
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:09,027
say what you will about
der robotik ubermenschen.
290
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,495
Sure can punch good.
291
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:14,065
(Man laughing)
I'm sorry, darlin',
292
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,500
but you're gonna
have to repeat that.
293
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,335
(Clears throat)
I said,
294
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,337
"i had a little towel,
295
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,506
"but I lost it walking here,
296
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,342
so I need your clothes,
your boots,
297
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,844
and your motorcycle."
298
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,513
(Laughter)
Oh, is that all?
299
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,181
Yeah.
That oughta do it.
300
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:33,084
You, uh, sure you don't need me
to, uh, check your oil?
301
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,186
(Laughter)
302
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,056
Oh, okay.
And by that remark,
303
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,892
I assume you're referring
either to my robotic limbs
304
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,460
or offering to plunge
your finger,
305
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,529
and/or penis,
into my anus.
306
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,365
(Men)
Ohhh!
I'll plunge my fist into your--
307
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,100
(chuckles)
Were you gonna say "anus"?
308
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,268
(Bones crack)
(Screaming)
309
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,270
'Cause a finger's one thing.
310
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,972
But a whole fist?
Aaahhh!
311
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,141
That's like...
(Yelling)
312
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,876
I just never
understood that.
313
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,978
(Crying out)
314
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,647
And I'm not trying to judge.
(Grunting)
315
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,917
But it's like, at some point,
you gotta question your choices.
316
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,219
(Yells)
317
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,621
Whoo!
318
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:18,163
I don't know.
If it's two consenting adults,
(Zipper zips up)
319
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,831
I'm like,
"live and let live."
320
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,833
But if you want me
to let you live, chief,
321
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,401
I'm gonna need those keys.
322
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,270
Here. (Whimpers)
Take 'em!
323
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,938
Hey, thanks.
324
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,607
Oh, and if turns out
you lose that arm,
325
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,242
just give me a call.
326
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,244
(Chuckles)
I got a guy.
327
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,612
He what?
328
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,282
Uh, is going to kill you.
Was I not--
329
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,117
what are you talking about?
330
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,618
Why?
Stop it!
331
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,620
What, I should be calm
when you tell me
332
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,123
a goddamn robot
wants to kill me?
333
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,492
No, not you.
Wha-- wha-- then who?
334
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,328
No. Sorry. You.
He wants to kill you.
335
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,263
The good news is,
without my help,
336
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,299
he'll be dead in...
Ten hours.
337
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,534
Okay, well, my house is a fortress.
338
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,670
I got a ton of guys. We'll outlast him.
339
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,839
Yeah. You say that...
340
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,276
Feels pretty good, huh, Dutch?
(Chuckles)
341
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:09,581
Yes, it does, other Dutch.
Yes, it does.
342
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,689
(Sighs)
Goddamn it.
343
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,562
Mother:
I think you're confused, doll.
344
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,865
Charlotte:
I am not in the least confused!
345
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,400
I don't care if my family
does pay the ransom.
346
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,735
I'm not going back there!
347
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,871
I meant you were confused
about me caring
348
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,572
what you did after the payoff.
349
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,007
You're not planning
to blindfold me
350
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,242
and hide me in
a bomb shelter
351
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,244
with limited oxygen
and send my family cryptic notes
352
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,579
about how to find me in a race
against time for my life?
353
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:45,683
Who are you, collective
pseudonym Carolyn keene?
354
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,086
What?
Who would go
to all that trouble?
355
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,988
Johann schmidt,
aka the red skull,
356
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,689
in my Nazi
kidnap-slash-rape fantasy.
357
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,224
(Growls)
Ew!
358
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,993
Right?
Shut up.
359
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,095
Look, tonight your brother
is going to drop
360
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,764
the ransom money
at the Griffith observatory.
361
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,834
Archer is going to retrieve it
and bring it to me.
362
00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:04,569
And if nobody screws up,
363
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,372
once I have the money,
you're free to go.
364
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,440
Well, but that's my whole point.
365
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,277
(Sobs)
Go where?
366
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,445
(Growls)
Who knows?
Maybe a handsome
367
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:17,048
young Nazi scientist
will take you in.
(Door opens)
368
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:20,218
Do what now?
(Gasps)
What the hell are you doing?
369
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,753
Just filling
the coolers with ice.
370
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,923
You know,
normal bartendery stuff.
371
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,592
Oh, so suddenly
you work here again?
I--
372
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,427
what happened
to your face?
I--
373
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,462
did someone
catch you snooping?
(Zerk growls)
374
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:35,199
Uh, no, I walked into a door...
Repeatedly.
375
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,201
Oh, yeah.
My mother used to do that.
376
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,904
Well, you better not have been
snooping on me, mister.
377
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:43,908
Are you-- pfft! Come on!
I wouldn't do that!
378
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,645
(Quietly):
So, Archer's the bagman
for a kidnapping, huh?
379
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,448
Okay, then.
380
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,117
Because you know
what happens to snoops.
381
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:56,154
They get... poops?
What?
382
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,889
Cecil:
It's just that the kidnappers
383
00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:01,426
were extremely clear
on that point.
384
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,594
No police, at all, anywhere.
385
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:06,097
Well, of course they're gonna
say that, but trust me--
386
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,166
I trust him.
He brought me a finger.
387
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,434
(Chomping)
388
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,836
(Sighs)
Only you.
What?
389
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:14,939
All I had today was some cuy.
(Gulps)
390
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:16,507
Oh, and congee.
391
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,910
Oh, and a bunch
of salted duck eggs.
392
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:21,079
Look, we'll be right behind you,
393
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,780
so just follow
their instructions,
394
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,782
drop the ransom off,
and with a bit of luck,
395
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,818
we'll get it and the kidnappers.
396
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:30,621
Okay, but I have
a bad feeling about this.
(Engine starts)
397
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,357
Well, I don't care.
398
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,359
Hmm. Fair enough.
399
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:41,265
Do you wanna go?
(Belches)
400
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,267
(Hot dog thuds)
401
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,470
Archer:
I thought I made it pretty clear
to the little weirdo
402
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:47,605
that I didn't wanna see any cops
near the drop.
403
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,341
I guess you can't
blame the guy for trying.
404
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,378
Plus, it's not like I can't
handle figgis and poovey.
405
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,546
But I may have to
wait them out.
406
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,815
Whatever.
You paid for an hour.
407
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,050
Well, that's my whole point.
408
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,019
It may take a lot longer
than an hour--
409
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,021
well--
and I'm not paying you
any extra.
410
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,456
What?
But feel free to hike
the five miles
411
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:07,358
back to sunset
in those heels.
412
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:12,397
What the hell?
Who brings a hooker?
413
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:20,238
Cecil (Quietly): Okay.
Here's the topiary garden.
(Car door opens, closes)
414
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,474
Which I wish I could buy it so
i could burn it to the ground.
415
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:26,210
Topiary.
My god, what rubbish.
416
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,513
Shrubbish!
(Laughs)
417
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,182
So freakin' weird.
Cecil:
Hmm.
418
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,584
Well, I suppose
that looks like a mushroom.
419
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,421
What? It's clearly
a mushroom.
420
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,189
Well, then...
(Grunts)
421
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:41,526
(Loudly):
All right, then. I'm off.
422
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:46,764
Alone, as I arrived,
with no police anywhere!
423
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:47,932
(Sighs)
I mean...
424
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,033
Seriously.
425
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:52,203
Okay, Archer.
It's your move.
426
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,038
(Car engine starts)
Damn it.
I gotta at least tip her.
427
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,441
This is definitely gonna take
longer than an hour.
(Car departs)
428
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,076
Man, I wish I had a--
429
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:01,045
smoke grenade?
What the shit?
430
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,714
Poovey (Coughing):
Goddamn it!
431
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,049
Figgis:
Will you come on?
432
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:07,118
No, no, no, no, no, no!
433
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,887
God...Damn it!
(Car departs)
434
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:14,192
(Sighs)
I guess it's not his move.
435
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,394
(Engine starts)
(Screams) Jesus!
436
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,029
Sorry. Here. Take these.
437
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:19,430
What the hell are these for?
438
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,065
Um, I guess, parting gifts?
439
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,534
What?
I don't know. Maybe you can
sell 'em or whatever.
440
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:26,571
Because, listen, this car chase
is gonna get a little crazy--
441
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,806
well, then, let me out!
Stop the car!
442
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,775
Let me finish!
Because my point is,
443
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,143
I don't really
have time to stop.
444
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,412
(Screaming)
But I'm not gonna have that,
445
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,047
so I'm gonna need you
to kind of jump out.
446
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:38,616
Are you nuts?
I'll slow down a little,
obviously,
447
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,718
but when you
hit the ground,
(Screams)
448
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,286
You're gonna wanna
kind of roll.
449
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,721
(Grunts)
(Body thudding)
450
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,724
Yeah, just like that!
Good instincts!
451
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:50,595
Asshole!
452
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,497
Seriously!
453
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,165
Figgis:
They're gaining on us!
Step on it!
454
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,601
Trust me,
it's totally stepped on!
455
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,769
Oh, son of a...
(Cocks gun)
456
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,004
Oh, shit.
457
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:01,772
(Gunshots)
(Tires screeching)
458
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:05,977
(Yells)
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
459
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,246
(Engine sputters, stops)
460
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,081
(Sighs)
Goddamn it.
461
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,482
Did ya get 'em?
462
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,117
No. I got somebody, though.
463
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,286
(Laughing)
Wow. Good policin'.
464
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,687
(Cocks gun)
Shut up.
465
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:28,966
Son of a...
(Tires screeching)
466
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,835
No, no, no, no, no, no!
467
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,973
(Crashing)
468
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,175
(Crashing stops)
469
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:40,711
(Coughing)
Oh, goddamn it.
470
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,580
(Crash)
471
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,284
So...
472
00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,854
How was your evening?
473
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,456
(Clears throat)
Uh, not g-great.
474
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,392
(Growls)
475
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,394
(Knuckles crack)
476
00:19:56,396 --> 00:20:00,731
And I assume
about to get worse.
477
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,900
� �
478
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:34,065
man:
Made in Georgia.
479
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,133
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
480
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,406
man: Dateline,Los Angeles, California, 1947.
481
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,909
Forecast: It's going to rain...
482
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,510
Lead!
483
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:50,514
(Sinister laughing)
484
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,117
So you're just-- (Groans)
Straight-up crazy.
485
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:54,385
(Blows raspberry)
486
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,454
Archer: Dreamland.
All new wednesdays at 10:00.
487
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,989
On fxx.
488
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:02,760
It's gonna take an hour
at this time.
489
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,363
Wow, look at Stan's yard.
490
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,531
Someone's been busy.
(Laughs)
491
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,701
Clearly not in ours.
Maybe Henry can do
some work today.
492
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,703
Yeah.
493
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,139
I forget your back
is always bad
this time of year.
494
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:16,874
Only when
there are leaves--
495
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:23,180
when did you
wash this last?
496
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,783
The Americans.
(Engine starts)
497
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:29,020
All new Tuesdays at 10:00.On fx.
498
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:31,989
(Wind whistling)
499
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:35,259
(Footsteps crunching)
(Man grunting)
500
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:36,827
(Gunshots)
501
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:41,265
(Hissing, squeaking)
502
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:45,036
Announcer:
Fargo. All-new wednesdaysat 10:00 on fx.
503
00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:56,247
Man: I'm getting paid to learnhow to run a business,
504
00:21:56,249 --> 00:21:58,949
do things when I wantand how I want,
505
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,119
get paid morethan some office job.
506
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,754
I got freedom.
507
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,856
(Siren wailing)
508
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:07,692
Freedom from all of it.
509
00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:12,997
(Dog barking)
510
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,365
(Siren wailing continues)
511
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,200
(Man exhales)
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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