All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S08E15 - The Definition of Marriage 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

Okay. Everything's all
set for the wedding.

Coffee, please.

We're meeting the justice of the
peace at the court house at 4:15,

so I've arranged for a car
to pick us up at 3:45, okay?

And I laid a dress out
for you on your bed.

Oh, and I also changed your sheets,

because I didn't want
to lay the dress down

on what appeared to be the
better part of a Denver omelette.

Will, calm down. It's
a green card wedding.

I don't need to brush my teeth,
fix my hair, or put on lipstick.

Hell, I don't even need a head.

Grace. If you're having
second thoughts about this,

it is not too late to call it
off. You know I'll understand.

Me too. Even though if you do back
out, I'll be deported back to Canada

and my life will be destroyed.

Have you ever been to Canada?

It's like Michigan without any culture.

I'm not backing out! I'm
really looking forward to this.

If for no other reason than to send a
holiday photo of James and me to my mom.

- Well, look... I just want to say
- I know--

- Yeah, but I need--
- I think it's sweet of you--

- So you know?
- I do.

I'm glad I got a
chance to say it to you.

Oh, there they are.

The Jewish woman and the black
man who are about to get married.

I get such a kick that that's legal.

So, James....

You didn't show up at your
bachelor party last night.

Wait. What bachelor party?

Jack offered to throw me a bachelor
party for the two of us. Me and him.

I don't know how you missed it.
My invitation was very clear.

"What: Bachelor Party. Where: My
Place. When: After Will Falls Asleep."

Honey, I made some arrangements
for your wedding today.

I've reserved St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I know you're Jewish, but I couldn't
find a bank or deli on such short notice.

WILL AND GRACE
The Definition of Marriage - S08 E015

Transcript: http://www.durfee.net/
Syncro: ovidurex

What the...

Surprise!

Smile!

Whoa. You're not gonna like that one.

What's going on?

A surprise wedding!

Since we couldn't do St. Patrick's
because of the funaway bride here--

Okay. I just came up with that just now.

See, it's clever because there's
a movie called Runaway Bride

and she took the fun away
from planning the wedding.

So I called it "funaway bride"!

Instead of runaway bride!
Runaway Bride's the real title!

This is the first time I thought
I could actually kill her.

Well, look at this. All my
friends together in one room.

And Rosario. Hey.

Karen, I told you that I didn't
want to make a big deal about this.

Oh, my God. Why do I
smell Polident and cabbage?

BOBBI: Hello, dear! I hear
you're marrying a gay, black man.

Wouldn't have it been
easier to just run me over?

Hi, mom.

Your wigs on backwards.

BOBBI: Oh! I really need
to draw an arrow inside it.

Excuse us.

Did you know about this?

Of course not! I would never
let them invite your mother.

Hell, if I'd been planning this,

I wouldn't have invited
a single person in there.

We can hear you!

You didn't let me
finish. Except for Larry.

I think I patched that up. So, look.

I don't want to do this either.

So why don't we just
go inside and tell them

that we want a simple thing
at the Justice of the Peace?

Hey, guys.

Or we march my very hot
boyfriend into that apartment

and show him off to all of my friends?

Sorry I'm so dressed up, Grace.

But Karen can be very
persuasive when you're in the tub

and she's there with a
toaster and a garment bag.

Hey, kids. Everything okay?

No, it's not okay. What did you do?

I didn't do anything. I'm
against this whole charade.

Did I pronounce that
correctly? A-gainst. Yep.

Honey, you've gotta make the
wedding look real for the INS.

Now, come on. I got
you a dress and a ring.

And Rosario's gonna take some pictures.

Believe me, she's better behind
the camera than in front of it.

Ugh. All this for a pretend wedding.

I'm not even getting
laid at the end? Am I?

- No.
- Let him answer!

JOE: I have to say Will, when I heard
James was Canadian, I though "yechh."

But I didn't know they
made them like that.

Yeah. I'm glad you guys like him.

Like him? I'd sell my mother to a cult
just to see him take off his shirt.

And Grace gets to marry
him. Heh. I hate her.

Well, you know, James
isn't just good looking.

He's also charming
and smart--

And could pound me like a piece of veal.

What? You guys where thinking it.

- I was.
- I am now.

You know, you didn't hear it from
me, but, uh, Will is going bald.

It's not going to be pretty.

Look at my head.

- May I kiss it?
- No.

Well, what's going on here?

Yeah, um, I don't see
this working. Okay? There.

I said it. I didn't want to say it.

But now I've said it. I
don't see this working.

If he comes too close
again, blow this whistle.

I know we wanted to do a simple thing at
the courthouse, but this is kind of fun.

This is exactly the way
I'd do my wedding, you know?

Only Stevie Wonder would be
here to sing my favorite song.

"Superstitious"?

Why? Is it bad luck to have a
blind guy sing at your wedding?

No, the song.

No, no. He'd sing "As".

You know, I won a lip sync
contest at my high school

doing a Stevie Wonder medley
that ended with "Ebony and Ivory."

My performance really
brought everybody together.

Kids of all races beat me up.

Excuse me? Is this the
Adler and Hanson wedding?

Yes. Are you Hall and Oates?

Actually, it's Oates and Hall now.

Yeah. Every 25 years we flip it.

Uh, when I agreed to that, I
didn't think we'd last that long.

God, it is so weird seeing
myself in a wedding dress again.

It's freaking me out a little
bit. I'm actually sweating.

Honey, you're finally
wearing a quality fabric.

Your body's not sweating,
it's crying with relief.

It is an incredible dress.
Thank you so much for doing this.

It probably is better that
it look real for the INS.

That's not the only reason
that I'm doing all this, honey.

I think what you're doing for Will

is the most generous thing I've
seen one friend do for another.

And it made me want
to be generous to you.

I'm just really proud of you, Gracie.

I just got sick to my stomach.

Yeah, well, screw you!

I was just making conversation,
you ungrateful bitch!

No! No, Karen, come back. Come back.

It's not what you said.

I think it's just, uh, because
I'm squeezed into a size two.

- It's an eight.
- Four.

- Six.
- I'll take it.

Hey, the justice of the peace is here.

My God, you look incredible.

Well, thank you, Will. You're
not looking too bad yourself.

I was talking to Grace.

Yeah, well, screw you,
you ungrateful bitch!

Okay. Sweetie, if you're ready?
Let's go marry my boyfriend.

Yeah, just give me--
Just give me one second.

Ever since I put this dress on,
I've been feeling a little sick.

Wait a minute. You really not feel well?

Or is it just having a
wedding dress on again

is bringing up all sorts of Leo stuff?

I don't know. Maybe a little bit.

But, I still want to do this.

So, get out there.
I'll be there in a sec.

Oh, quick question, Karen.

Did you hire Hall and
Oates for this wedding?

Yes, I did. And I was lucky to get them.

Honey, that's one of the most successful
acts in the history of pop music.

Oh, and after the service, Oates
will do your caricature for a dollar.

Look. Anything
you need--

Jack!

All right. [TO HALL
AND OATES] All right.

The second she walks down that
aisle, I want to hear music.

And I don't want to hear a
track from your last album.

This is a wedding, not the Ellen show.

Okay, I understand, I
understand. [QUIETLY]

Listen. Let me ask you something.

Did we sleep together
in Dayton, Ohio in 1981?

Maybe. Were you in the pile with
Chrissie Hynde and Joan Jett?

Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.

Grace, may I walk you down the aisle?

That's so sweet.

Here she comes.

Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up.

Here she comes. She's a maneater.

Funny. Who knew Hall and
Oates were such a riot.

Okay. Let's do it again.

This time, put down those guitars
and just hum "The Wedding March".

That way you can still walk
around and refill drinks. Hit it.

I can't believe she gets to
wear that beautiful dress.

I kind of want to trip her.

What? You were both thinking it.

- I was.
- I am now.

Now it's time for your vows,

which I was told you
prepared yourselves?

Oh. No. We're not doing that.

Right. And you can just skip the
whole "kiss your bride" thing, too.

No, that we're doing.

I wanna hear vows.

I payed 500 large for this
shindig. Brown sugar goes first.

Karen, I have asked you
not to call him that.

It's offensive. And it makes a
little less special when I do it.

Okay, uh, Grace... I love... your hair.

It's a kind of red that you really don't
see that often, outside the Raggedy family.

Well, he's quick on his feet. I
don't know what I would have said.

James. I vow to stand
by you, or whatever.

And I, uh, vow to, um...
Wow, I just got dizzy.

Okay, just got a little barfy.

So beautiful. Oh, my God, I'm crying...

Are you okay? Can we
get some water here?

Thanks, Oates.

Here.

No, I'm-- I'm okay. I don't
even know what happen--

- Grace-- - I'm fine.
I'm fine. I'm fine.

It's just a little hot
in here, or something.

Okay, let's just keep going.

No, no, no. We're not doing this.

I'm sorry, James. We
need to talk. Come here.

Oof. Not her day.

How dare you drag me out of my wedding!

I wanted everything to be perfect!

I'm totally kidding. What's up?

"What's up"? You just fainted.

I didn't faint. I
barely Lindsay Lohan'd.

I don't think you want to marry James.

What? Of course I do.

I know you say you're okay
with it, but look at you.

You're falling apart.

I mean, maybe your
body's trying to tell you

that you're really not okay with this.

Will, my body's not that smart.

If it were, it would have stopped
my feet from growing at age twelve

and would have focused all
of its energy right up here.

It's the dress.
It's-- It's too tight.

I swear I wanna do this.

I just wanna make sure
you've thought this through.

Because after today,
that's it. You're married.

Um, maybe you haven't noticed,

but there hasn't been a
lot going on with me lately.

No, no, I've noticed. And
what if you meet someone?

I don't want my relationship with
James to be the thing that stops you.

It's two years.

And I get a gorgeous husband who
doesn't care if I cheat on him?

A girl could do worse.

So, you're sure?

I'm sure.

'Cause you're the most important
person in the world to me

and if there is anything that I can do to
help ensure your happiness, I'm gonna do it.

What did I do to deserve you?

A million things.

And you're gonna do a million
more to keep deserving me.

This is going to be a really
expensive two years for me, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

Hey. Tall and Oates. I'm not
paying you two to stand around.

I guess I should have hired Men at Work.

Maybe you should get in there
and pick up some dirty plates.

HALL: I can't go for that. No can do.

OATES: Whoops. Now you got to put
a dollar in the "Old Lyric Jar."

HALL: You and that jar. Sometimes I think
we're never gonna have that pizza party.

Excuse me. You guys know Will pretty
well, don't you? Should I be worried?

Oh, no. No, Will and
Grace do this all the time.

They're always crawling off into rooms
to whisper, or fight, or God knows what.

That's a relief. Sorry for
freaking out on you guys like that.

JOE: That was freaking out?

I don't know.

Karen gave me what she swore was a mint,

but she shook it out of an envelope
and now I can't feel my tongue.

Anyway, thanks.

It's nice to not be the
only black guy in the room.

I figured you out. You
hate Canada. You do.

You hate Canada so much that
you're willing to marry Grace

and pretend to be in
love with fat, bald Will

so you don't have to go back to that
awful frozen prison where Superman lives.

You know, I used to think
that you were jealous of Will,

but now I'm beginning to think that you're
jealous of me for getting to be with Will.

Well played, Canada. Well
played. But you're wrong!

This has all been a test to see if your
feelings for my best friends are really true.

And you passed. This
time. But know this!

I will always be coming
on to you. Always.

When you turn a corner,
I'll be there. Nude.

To test you. Did I mention
you're allowed to fail one test.

Will, he has earned you.

Take good care of him.
And remember... nude.

Did Jack just threaten to
be nude around the corner.

It's hard to be threatened by a guy

who still writes "L" and "R"
on the bottom of his shoes.

He took my whistle, Will.

Oh, sweetie, come here.

It's so crazy today. I just wish
we could get a little time alone.

Yeah.

HALL AND OATES: Private eyes.

They're watching you.
They see your every move...

Oh, grow up, Hall and Oates!

Okay. I'm ready.

BOBBI: Oh, dear, are you alright?

Oh, your make-up is so
thick, I can't get a read.

At least mine doesn't
come off in one piece.

Whoo! The wedding zinger!

Okay. See what I did?

The movie is called The Wedding Singer,

but Grace made a joke and I changed it

from The Wedding Singer
to The Wedding Zinger!

So darned clever. All I did
was literally change one letter.

Let's go, James.

The quicker we do this, the
quicker I get out of my dress.

- It's a size two.
- I heard it was an eight.

- You want me to do this?
- Okay.

Grace, you look so radiant. Turn around.

Wow. It looks like I'm going
to be in Photoshop all night.

Well, all right
then. Do you, Grace--

I sure do.

Do you,
James Allen--

Can you just hold off for a second.

I mean, I do, but let me
just do this quick thing.

I know this is supposed to be our day,

but I just want to do
something for our best man,

since I didn't have time
to buy him any cufflinks.

As around the sun the earth
knows she's revolving...

Stevie Wonder.

And the rosebuds know
to bloom in early May...

As hate knows loves the cure,

You can rest your mind assure,
that I'll be loving you always.

Oh, yeah.

I'm-a test you.

As rocky as that wedding started
out, it turned out to be pretty great.

My favorite part? When you
sang Stevie Wonder to me.

I sang Stevie Wonder?

Yeah. You sang "As".

Wow. Karen's pills were amazing.

You don't remember singing it?

I don't even know that song.

Hey, Will. Hey, Grace. I
love your hair like that.

Karen, silly, that's not Grace.

That's James, Grace's other gay husband.

- Tempted?
- No.

What if I hadn't just eaten herring?

There you are. Where did
you get off to so early?

Oh, I, uh, I still wasn't feeling well
this morning, so I went to the doctor.

Oh, sweetie, you are sick.

No, I'm not sick. I'm pregnant.

To be continued...