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1
00:00:06,112 --> 00:00:08,860
Good morning, Elizabeth.
Is that today's mail?
2
00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:12,585
Yeah... Can you start calling me Dave?
3
00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:15,067
My girlfriend found out about
this whole "Elizabeth" thing
4
00:00:15,067 --> 00:00:19,408
and now she calls me that, and
you know, I try to be cool with it,
5
00:00:19,408 --> 00:00:21,613
but it's kind of weird
when we're making out.
6
00:00:22,673 --> 00:00:25,760
Well, of course it's weird.
You're making out with a woman.
7
00:00:29,979 --> 00:00:31,728
That'll be all, Elizabeth.
8
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,140
Ah! Yeah, yeah!
9
00:00:38,568 --> 00:00:41,006
You like that, don't ya, straighty?
10
00:00:42,767 --> 00:00:44,099
Hey, honey.
11
00:00:44,099 --> 00:00:46,242
Hey, Kare. You know what this is?
12
00:00:46,242 --> 00:00:49,945
A letter saying gays shouldn't
be allowed on television?
13
00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:54,486
Because that would be
horrible. And early.
14
00:00:54,486 --> 00:00:57,112
That thing shouldn't have
gotten here until tomorrow.
15
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:00,232
No, no, it's a piece of fan mail,
16
00:01:00,232 --> 00:01:03,757
from Tommy Shields of
Lorain County, Ohio.
17
00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:07,621
He and his parents just visited New York
and he saw an episode of "Jack Talk."
18
00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:10,969
"It was neat to see how
comfortable you are being gay.
19
00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:14,126
It made me want to come
out, but I am too scared."
20
00:01:14,126 --> 00:01:16,403
Aww, this is so sad.
21
00:01:20,171 --> 00:01:22,340
Okay, alright, but then it gets funny.
22
00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:26,799
Oh, but then it gets sad again.
23
00:01:27,848 --> 00:01:31,220
Ah! He ended funny.
Good for him. All right.
24
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:33,188
Karen, this is what
I've been waiting for.
25
00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:35,539
The opportunity to make
it seem like you can read?
26
00:01:39,260 --> 00:01:43,488
No! Can't you see? I have to go to
Ohio and help little Tommy come out.
27
00:01:43,488 --> 00:01:45,799
That way he can come on
my show and tell his story.
28
00:01:45,799 --> 00:01:47,525
This could be my Oprah moment!
29
00:01:49,639 --> 00:01:52,842
And then we goes to greet
me, we'll do the Oprah hug.
30
00:01:52,842 --> 00:01:53,822
What's that?
31
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,052
- Here. Try to hug me.
- Okay.
32
00:01:57,714 --> 00:02:00,148
Good for you, good for you!
33
00:02:01,806 --> 00:02:03,798
WILL AND GRACE
Cop To It - S08 E013
34
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:06,485
Transcript: http://www.durfee.net/
Syncro: ovidurex
35
00:02:19,493 --> 00:02:21,445
You know what? I bet
Ellen's having another baby.
36
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:24,053
How many kids is this for
Rob and Ellen? Five? Six?
37
00:02:24,521 --> 00:02:26,180
And which one am I godmother to?
38
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:29,029
The cross-eyed one, or
the one with the weird ear?
39
00:02:29,952 --> 00:02:32,211
It's so annoying.
Another kid, another gift.
40
00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:35,147
I'm tired of rewarding straight,
married couples for not wearing a condom.
41
00:02:36,744 --> 00:02:39,842
I know, right. How
many kids do you need?
42
00:02:39,842 --> 00:02:42,653
It's like they're trying for a good
one, and that's not gonna happen.
43
00:02:47,028 --> 00:02:50,140
And the thought of them going
at it, just rutting like pigs--
44
00:02:56,783 --> 00:02:59,360
Thank you guys for meeting
us at our favorite restaurant.
45
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,695
You know, on two separate occasions,
Ellen's water broke right over there.
46
00:03:03,070 --> 00:03:05,346
Yeah, we were here one of those nights.
47
00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:07,673
I remember because I
was wearing sandals.
48
00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:14,954
So... Someone looks like
they've pudged out a little.
49
00:03:14,954 --> 00:03:16,788
Is there something
you'd like to tell us?
50
00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:19,792
Sure. First of all, I'm not pregnant,
51
00:03:19,792 --> 00:03:22,119
so you just called me fat for no reason.
52
00:03:23,605 --> 00:03:24,994
- And secondly...
- Let me tell them.
53
00:03:24,994 --> 00:03:26,755
- No, let me.
- Let's do it together.
54
00:03:26,755 --> 00:03:30,387
- Fine. Ready?
- One, two, three.
55
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:32,141
We're separated!
56
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:38,388
Yep, we did it. Splitsville,
Sayonara-town, Separation Station.
57
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:44,019
No! No, no! You guys
can't get separated.
58
00:03:44,019 --> 00:03:47,763
You've been together since college. You
have five beautiful children... or so...
59
00:03:49,375 --> 00:03:51,950
I gotta say, you guys seem
really okay about this.
60
00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:53,730
Actually, we have never been better.
61
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,593
We used to fight all the
time when we were together.
62
00:03:55,593 --> 00:03:58,264
And now that we're apart, it's
like we're best friends again.
63
00:03:58,264 --> 00:03:59,152
Yeah.
64
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:00,417
Well, I'm really happy for you guys.
65
00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:05,106
I'm not. You guys are the reason
I believe marriage can still work.
66
00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:08,935
I mean, someone's gotta stay together
besides Ben Stiller's parents.
67
00:04:12,512 --> 00:04:16,000
Grace, you know, for some couples,
breaking up is the right thing to do.
68
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,793
Will, you know that
cop you used to date?
69
00:04:17,793 --> 00:04:20,590
Vince? Perfect example of
breaking up being the right thing.
70
00:04:20,590 --> 00:04:23,331
I mean, I know that I've
definitely grown and matured.
71
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:25,092
No, I mean he's over there.
72
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:27,269
Vince is here? Oh, God,
please don't let him see me.
73
00:04:27,269 --> 00:04:30,405
Criss-cross-applesauce.
74
00:04:31,044 --> 00:04:32,921
Will, whatever happened
between you and Vince?
75
00:04:32,921 --> 00:04:36,546
They broke up after he
got fired from the force.
76
00:04:36,546 --> 00:04:38,488
Vince was kind of a mess
and they agreed
77
00:04:38,488 --> 00:04:41,046
that he should take some
time and get his act together.
78
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:43,499
Buona sera. Anybody
want something to drink?
79
00:04:44,676 --> 00:04:48,050
- Will?
- Vince? You work here?
80
00:04:48,658 --> 00:04:50,674
Yeah.
81
00:04:51,645 --> 00:04:54,147
I think Will's water just broke.
82
00:04:58,691 --> 00:05:01,426
So, Tommy e-mailed me
and said to meet him here.
83
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:05,336
His job is spraying the shoes
before renting them out to bowlers.
84
00:05:05,336 --> 00:05:10,017
Oh. When I was a boy, I
worked in a supermarket.
85
00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:19,156
Oh! Did I say I was a boy.
'Cause I wasn't. I was a girl.
86
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:22,794
Excuse me, do you bowl?
87
00:05:23,106 --> 00:05:27,843
Sure. I love to "bowl." You wanna do it
here, or out by the garbage cans?
88
00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:34,697
I'm pretty sure these middle-aged women
are asking you if you want to bowl.
89
00:05:34,916 --> 00:05:36,681
I'm 29.
90
00:05:37,010 --> 00:05:38,996
Welcome to Ohio.
91
00:05:41,012 --> 00:05:43,480
We're in a league and we're one short.
92
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,251
Is there any way you can fill in?
93
00:05:45,673 --> 00:05:47,620
Oh, I don't think so.
94
00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:50,658
Our friend Peg couldn't make it
because her hatchback wouldn't start.
95
00:05:50,658 --> 00:05:52,796
Your story has moved me. I'm in.
96
00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:55,604
Great. I'm Jean and this is Rhonda.
97
00:05:56,395 --> 00:05:58,973
Anastasia Beaverhousen.
98
00:06:02,756 --> 00:06:03,662
Nice to meet you.
99
00:06:03,662 --> 00:06:06,786
Now. I'll need a 12-pound ball
and a big plate of fried food.
100
00:06:06,786 --> 00:06:10,286
From the looks of this place, my ass
has got a lot of catching up to do.
101
00:06:13,554 --> 00:06:17,348
So, Vince... You're a--
You're a waiter. That's great.
102
00:06:17,348 --> 00:06:19,600
Yeah. This is my gun now.
103
00:06:20,117 --> 00:06:22,511
You have the right to
remain bland! Heh-heh...
104
00:06:25,394 --> 00:06:29,865
Vince, anything you say can and
will be used to make me laugh.
105
00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:35,412
It's so great to see you, Vince.
106
00:06:35,412 --> 00:06:37,869
Hey, you, too, Grace. How you doin'?
107
00:06:37,869 --> 00:06:40,724
Okay. You know, uh, let's see...
108
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:45,130
Work's great, still living with Will, but
I'm gonna get out of there any day now.
109
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:52,678
What else? Yeah, we're still waiting on
waters and it's been, like, 10 minutes.
110
00:06:54,817 --> 00:06:56,257
The busboy gets that.
111
00:06:56,257 --> 00:06:57,975
Oh, gosh! Of course, I'm sorry.
112
00:06:57,975 --> 00:07:02,883
That was so obnoxious. It's just
that the pitcher's just right there.
113
00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:09,147
I forgot you were like this.
114
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:15,914
God, how sad is that? He's working
as a waiter at The Pasta Village.
115
00:07:15,914 --> 00:07:18,810
Can you imagine anything more
pathetic? I'd kill myself.
116
00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:22,200
Hi. I'll be your new waiter.
117
00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:25,416
And while I'm still
alive, I'll be serving you.
118
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,890
You-- You're our waiter?
What happened to Vince?
119
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:31,900
I think we're gonna need another minute.
120
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,403
I'm still trying to decide
121
00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:37,276
if I want the lobster spelled with
two "B"s and a trademark symbol.
122
00:07:37,937 --> 00:07:42,905
Grace, it is better than the real
thing. The shell is made out of bacon.
123
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:50,574
And then they inject it with cheese.
And it's spelled with five "E"s.
124
00:07:54,449 --> 00:07:55,607
Can you believe that?
125
00:07:55,607 --> 00:07:57,627
I know. I am totally getting it.
126
00:07:59,388 --> 00:08:02,419
No! Not that. Vince sent another
waiter to cover our table.
127
00:08:03,356 --> 00:08:06,123
God, this must be so awkward for him.
128
00:08:06,123 --> 00:08:09,003
You know, he went from crime
doesn't pay to soup of the day.
129
00:08:15,513 --> 00:08:18,707
Go talk to him. So he's a waiter.
130
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,107
There's no reason
this has to be awkward.
131
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,981
You're right, Grace.
132
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,983
Oh, my God, I can't believe he's
actually going over to see Vince.
133
00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:29,028
And I totally thought
tonight was gonna be boring!
134
00:08:36,105 --> 00:08:37,543
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy....
135
00:08:37,543 --> 00:08:40,458
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy....
136
00:08:42,948 --> 00:08:48,131
Confusion in his eyes, no product
in his hair... That's my boy.
137
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:55,647
Hi. You need some help, don't you?
138
00:08:55,647 --> 00:08:57,293
Yeah, I do.
139
00:08:57,293 --> 00:08:59,167
Jack's here. Now.
140
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,931
I know it can be very difficult
to admit that you're gay.
141
00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:05,399
I'm not gay. I'm just looking for
someone over 21 to buy me beer.
142
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:09,710
All right, you might want to
go talk to that lady over there.
143
00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:11,763
She can get you real messed up.
144
00:09:13,698 --> 00:09:15,119
If that's not Tommy...
145
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:20,837
Jack?! Jack McFarland? It's me, Tommy!
146
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,838
Nope, not him either...
147
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,454
Hey. Vince, look. I don't want
this to be weird between us.
148
00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:40,235
So you went from "I'll read you your
rights" to "I'll bring you your Sprites."
149
00:09:40,235 --> 00:09:42,323
Knock it off!
150
00:09:45,029 --> 00:09:47,965
You know, that's a little
condescending, Will.
151
00:09:48,169 --> 00:09:50,246
Waiting tables is an important job.
152
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:53,125
Without waiters, people
couldn't, like, eat.
153
00:09:53,435 --> 00:09:55,173
They could cook themselves.
154
00:09:55,173 --> 00:09:56,705
Yeah, but they couldn't
eat in a restaurant.
155
00:09:56,705 --> 00:09:58,685
Well, they could go to
places that have self-serve.
156
00:09:58,685 --> 00:09:59,404
Will, what are you doing?
157
00:09:59,404 --> 00:10:02,387
I'm sorry. I
didn't mean to--
158
00:10:02,387 --> 00:10:05,499
Just drop it, okay?
I'm in the weeds, man.
159
00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:08,139
Two busboys called in sick, so
I'm picking up all my dirties.
160
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:10,060
My hands are covered
in sauce and influenza,
161
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:12,531
and I'm freaking out because
I just touched my eye.
162
00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:15,905
MAN: You know that guy?
163
00:10:15,905 --> 00:10:17,142
Yeah, he's my ex.
164
00:10:17,142 --> 00:10:18,740
MAN: That isn't going to be
a problem, is it, detective?
165
00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:22,333
No. I'm sorry. I
couldn't get rid of him.
166
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:25,206
I just-- I'll just tell him
I'm undercover on a drug bust.
167
00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:27,283
That's called
blowing your cover.
168
00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:29,344
Just keep it together
until the hand-off happens.
169
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:30,928
Then we move in. Got it?
170
00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:35,863
Sir? I am totally focused on
catching these sons of bitches.
171
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,678
A birthday. I'm head clapper.
172
00:10:39,887 --> 00:10:41,950
One, two, three, four. Happy, happy...
173
00:10:46,516 --> 00:10:49,079
Getting separated was a really
hard decision, but once we made it--
174
00:10:49,079 --> 00:10:53,039
- How'd it go with Vince?
- ...we felt really good about it.
175
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:54,831
I think we should leave.
176
00:10:54,831 --> 00:10:59,316
Really? 'Cause the first basked of
unlimited bread sticks just got here.
177
00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:03,768
I mean, if we want, they can
just keep coming... forever.
178
00:11:05,019 --> 00:11:07,053
Vince can't even talk to me.
179
00:11:07,053 --> 00:11:09,580
For some reason, he thinks
I'm going to judge him.
180
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:13,845
Oh. Okay. So we're doing that again.
181
00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,224
Doing what?
182
00:11:15,791 --> 00:11:17,737
You're gonna leave him
because he's a mess.
183
00:11:17,737 --> 00:11:19,556
Looks like that's turning
into a pattern with you.
184
00:11:19,556 --> 00:11:22,612
No, no, he broke up with me because
he wanted to get his act together.
185
00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:25,064
Oh, come on. You left him
when he needed you most.
186
00:11:25,064 --> 00:11:26,536
You know, Ellen and
I did the same thing--
187
00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:29,581
Okay, shush. I'm talking.
188
00:11:30,258 --> 00:11:33,709
Maybe this is my fault.
I feel stuck with him.
189
00:11:33,709 --> 00:11:36,146
What is it with me that I leave
people when they need me most.
190
00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:37,254
You know, we
need you guys--
191
00:11:37,254 --> 00:11:39,364
Not now, Rob.
192
00:11:41,458 --> 00:11:42,308
You know, Grace...
193
00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:46,556
We invited you guys here to talk
about me and Rob... And, well...
194
00:11:46,556 --> 00:11:50,397
I feel that you're not really
listening to us. That was hard.
195
00:11:50,397 --> 00:11:54,164
You did great, honey. You really did.
196
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:56,229
No, I'm listening.
197
00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:59,982
The two of you are both making the
biggest mistake of your lives. Got it.
198
00:11:59,982 --> 00:12:03,242
Wh--? No, Grace. We
want to be single again.
199
00:12:03,242 --> 00:12:04,976
I want to experiment.
200
00:12:04,976 --> 00:12:08,046
I wanna go out and buy a
Corvette and use a condom.
201
00:12:08,806 --> 00:12:12,307
Me, too! I feel all hot and sexy again.
202
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:14,368
I wanna wear a belly shirt, Grace.
203
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:17,266
You know... I wanna go to
clubs and eat angel dust.
204
00:12:21,668 --> 00:12:24,495
Wait a minute. That's what
this is about? You want to date?
205
00:12:24,495 --> 00:12:25,807
Yeah.
206
00:12:25,807 --> 00:12:30,245
Oh, wow. Okay, well,
you know, good luck.
207
00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:34,182
'Cause I've been out there
for the past two decades
208
00:12:34,182 --> 00:12:39,640
and it takes work to find
someone who can stand you.
209
00:12:42,355 --> 00:12:44,794
And Ellen, God love
you, but a belly shirt?
210
00:12:44,794 --> 00:12:46,604
I mean, you've been
pregnant, like, thirty times.
211
00:12:46,604 --> 00:12:49,266
Every shirt you own is a belly shirt.
212
00:12:49,266 --> 00:12:51,234
Hey, what are you laughing at dough boy?
213
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:54,295
You think some sexy co-ed is gonna
wanna hang out at the Pasta Village
214
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:56,425
with a forty-year-old
accountant whose idea of sexy
215
00:12:56,425 --> 00:13:00,108
is making honking sounds while
squeezing them? Honk honk...
216
00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:03,764
You said you liked that.
217
00:13:03,764 --> 00:13:05,889
Well, it's better than...
218
00:13:11,822 --> 00:13:15,883
Look. You're getting old.
You're not very interesting.
219
00:13:15,883 --> 00:13:18,183
And you're both losing your hair.
220
00:13:21,295 --> 00:13:23,369
You belong together.
221
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:28,337
If not for love, then for the mere
fact that no one else is gonna take you.
222
00:13:31,899 --> 00:13:35,134
I am not losing my hair!
223
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,891
I starting plucking the grey
ones and I couldn't stop.
224
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:46,499
You proud of yourself? Go get it.
225
00:13:50,466 --> 00:13:52,249
Honey, I just got a strike!
226
00:13:52,591 --> 00:13:57,873
And a fungal infection under
my nail. Isn't that exciting?
227
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,841
All I need is a factory job and a
grey tooth and I'll fit right in.
228
00:14:04,498 --> 00:14:09,568
Karen. You see that old
man over there? He's Tommy.
229
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:12,690
Man, the Midwest takes
a lot out of a teenager.
230
00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:18,906
I was looking for an Oprah
moment, not a Willard Scott moment.
231
00:14:19,343 --> 00:14:21,720
There's no way I'm
putting him on "Jack Talk."
232
00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:24,798
Jack, I can not believe
that you won't help that man!
233
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,718
Why should I? He mislead me.
234
00:14:26,718 --> 00:14:30,826
By using the name Tommy, he implied he
was young, innocent, muscular and curious.
235
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:37,471
Honey, if that man only had one day left
and you could help him to live it honestly,
236
00:14:37,471 --> 00:14:40,204
then that's what you should be doing.
237
00:14:40,517 --> 00:14:44,033
What is more important than living
life as your most authentic self?
238
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,017
You're up, Anastasia.
239
00:14:47,407 --> 00:14:48,614
Stop following me around.
240
00:14:48,614 --> 00:14:49,939
You're not supposed
to be in the kitchen.
241
00:14:49,939 --> 00:14:52,250
I just want you to know how sorry I am.
242
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:56,067
It's fine. Just forget
it, okay? Now go sit down.
243
00:14:56,067 --> 00:15:00,518
I still got ten more lobsters to pump
full of cheese and paint little eyes on.
244
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:04,001
Waiter, can I talk to you?
245
00:15:04,258 --> 00:15:06,945
I'll be right with you, sir
246
00:15:08,703 --> 00:15:13,585
Well, we're back together. We
figured it's best for the kids.
247
00:15:13,585 --> 00:15:17,836
Yeah. We might as well make it all the
way to the finish line. You know... death.
248
00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:21,972
That's a cheerful way to put it.
249
00:15:21,972 --> 00:15:23,374
It's better than your
way. "Best for the kids"?
250
00:15:23,374 --> 00:15:25,796
- The kids hate you.
- The kids hate you!
251
00:15:29,138 --> 00:15:31,484
See, this feels right.
252
00:15:32,314 --> 00:15:33,488
Sorry your entrees are late.
253
00:15:33,488 --> 00:15:34,580
We're gonna comp your appetizer.
254
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:37,227
What? No, we're not. Get lost, Will.
255
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,350
Vince, this isn't you.
256
00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:39,892
Yes, it is. Now leave me alone.
257
00:15:39,892 --> 00:15:41,973
Look. Why won't you let me help you.
258
00:15:41,973 --> 00:15:43,206
You are not being true to yourself.
259
00:15:43,206 --> 00:15:44,791
- You are not a waiter.
- Yes, I am.
260
00:15:44,791 --> 00:15:46,164
I think we both know you're a cop.
261
00:15:46,164 --> 00:15:48,099
- Will, be quiet.
- I will not be quiet.
262
00:15:48,099 --> 00:15:50,333
You are a cop, Vince. You are a cop!
263
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:51,620
Cops! Let's go!
264
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:54,104
Man! They're going to
the parking lot. Move!
265
00:15:56,552 --> 00:15:59,678
Would you look at that? He is a cop!
266
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:03,480
By the way, I would avoid
the ricotta cheesecake.
267
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,457
There was a cat sitting on the box.
268
00:16:08,019 --> 00:16:13,388
Okay, Tommy, listen up. I have decided
to help you come out. All right?
269
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:16,709
I'm not gonna lie. Initially,
I had some reservations.
270
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,877
Because it's such a huge responsibility
271
00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:21,324
helping another person
through this journey?
272
00:16:21,324 --> 00:16:25,492
No, it's because you're
not what I call eye candy.
273
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:31,053
You're more eye patch candy.
274
00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:34,298
Are you being bitchy? I heard of that.
275
00:16:34,298 --> 00:16:36,578
They do it all the time
on "Designing Women"!
276
00:16:38,157 --> 00:16:41,463
All right, the first step in coming
out is updating your references, okay?
277
00:16:42,054 --> 00:16:45,053
The second step, is
telling your parents.
278
00:16:45,053 --> 00:16:47,159
I am so nervous, Jack.
279
00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:51,066
No, no, no. Look. I know this is hard,
but it's so much better on the other side.
280
00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:54,117
I promise. Hey, why don't we
start with someone here? All right?
281
00:16:54,117 --> 00:16:56,722
You know, for practice.
Like, um, this guy over here.
282
00:16:56,722 --> 00:16:59,324
Excuse me, sir? Could
you come over here?
283
00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:01,660
Yeah, great. This gentleman has
something he'd like to tell you.
284
00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:02,475
Jack, I
don't think--
285
00:17:02,475 --> 00:17:04,600
No, no, no. Don't think
about it. Blurt it out.
286
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,553
Trust me. It'll make
you feel better. Go.
287
00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:10,431
Yeah, what is it?
288
00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:12,507
I'm gay!
289
00:17:12,507 --> 00:17:15,121
Oh, my God. Dad, you're gay?
290
00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:21,527
Yes, Josh. And where
did you get that beer?
291
00:17:21,527 --> 00:17:23,446
Wow. Two after school specials in one.
292
00:17:27,995 --> 00:17:30,963
Hey, I'm sorry. I had no
idea you were undercover.
293
00:17:30,963 --> 00:17:33,225
It's okay. We caught 'em
in, like, two seconds.
294
00:17:33,225 --> 00:17:36,311
They were exhausted from the
lobster. It's got turkey in it.
295
00:17:39,086 --> 00:17:42,291
Mmm. So, you're back on the force,
obviously. That-- That's great.
296
00:17:42,291 --> 00:17:44,037
Yeah. And I made detective.
297
00:17:44,037 --> 00:17:46,787
Wow! I gotta tell you.
298
00:17:46,787 --> 00:17:50,602
You know, I thought when we broke
up, things sort of fell apart for you.
299
00:17:51,248 --> 00:17:53,635
Yeah, well actually, things got better.
300
00:17:54,187 --> 00:17:57,651
Yeah, I mean, you know, I got a
promotion, and I'm dating a great guy.
301
00:17:57,651 --> 00:18:01,276
And I just found out I got one foot bigger
than the other, so I got that going on.
302
00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:07,477
It seems like things are really
going well for you. A guy, huh?
303
00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:11,557
Yeah. Hey, this is
what you wanted, right?
304
00:18:11,837 --> 00:18:14,619
For me to get more independent,
and get my act together...
305
00:18:14,619 --> 00:18:17,794
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. I'm happy for you.
306
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:21,884
Thanks. Well... I should go.
307
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,388
I gotta go interrogate that
piece of crap drug dealer.
308
00:18:24,713 --> 00:18:28,930
I probably don't have to worry
about bagging up his dinner, right?
309
00:18:29,198 --> 00:18:31,838
I already did.
310
00:18:35,089 --> 00:18:36,649
Well, it was really good seeing you.
311
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,903
Yeah. You too.
312
00:18:58,109 --> 00:19:02,057
You okay? What happened with Vince?
313
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:06,307
He's not a waiter, he's dating
someone... and he's happy.
314
00:19:07,152 --> 00:19:14,012
Sweetie, I'm sorry. It's hard
to find out your ex is happy.
315
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:19,652
He's got one foot bigger than the
other, so it's not all wine and roses.
316
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,760
Did I make a mistake, letting him go?
317
00:19:27,029 --> 00:19:31,739
I don't know if it's
possible to ever really know.
318
00:19:33,530 --> 00:19:36,293
Come on! 11% is a generous tip!
319
00:19:36,293 --> 00:19:37,577
I don't know what's grosser about you.
320
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:41,609
Your cheapness, or the tiramisu you spit
on the back of my neck. You make me sick!
321
00:19:41,609 --> 00:19:43,531
You make me sick!
322
00:19:47,362 --> 00:19:49,429
Well... I did that.
323
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:57,464
Pulaski's Bail Bonds is
going to the semi-finals!
324
00:19:58,913 --> 00:20:01,850
You suck me, Barry Animal Hospital.
325
00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:07,400
Karen. I'm such a good person.
326
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,274
I helped that buxom old man.
327
00:20:09,851 --> 00:20:14,477
I can't wait to tell his story on "Jack
Talk." I really do feel like Oprah.
328
00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:18,290
Thank you, Jack. I feel
alive for the first time.
329
00:20:18,623 --> 00:20:21,602
Good for you, good for you!
27637
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