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1
00:00:05,975 --> 00:00:07,265
Will, stop
2
00:00:07,265 --> 00:00:08,890
This dinner is in your honor
3
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Quitting your job and
taking a big risk in your life
4
00:00:11,113 --> 00:00:12,942
I do not want you to life a finger
5
00:00:12,942 --> 00:00:14,512
Oh, Grace, that is so sweet
6
00:00:14,512 --> 00:00:16,895
Considering I already shopped, prepped,
and cooked the entire meal
7
00:00:16,895 --> 00:00:19,875
It's really no big deal to
carry it the last six steps
8
00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:22,224
All right, but I'm clearing
9
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I ain't clearing
10
00:00:25,399 --> 00:00:28,344
Okay, guys, where's Jack?
We gotta move this along
11
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I've got Stella McCartney meeting me
at the manse for a fitting
12
00:00:31,491 --> 00:00:34,496
and I want Rosario to slaughter
a chicken in front of her
13
00:00:38,282 --> 00:00:41,111
It's fun to mess with vegans
14
00:00:42,678 --> 00:00:45,405
Oh, right, the benefit
15
00:00:45,405 --> 00:00:46,416
You know, I think it's great
16
00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:49,190
that the Walker Foundation still gives out
scholarships every year
17
00:00:49,190 --> 00:00:51,985
Mm-hmm. Stan had a big heart
18
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:56,525
Well... not so much "big" as engorged
and filled with cheese
19
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,875
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late
20
00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:03,341
I was in a pitch meeting at Out TV
21
00:01:03,341 --> 00:01:06,432
Oh. Okay, right. "Pitch". Yeah
22
00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:09,410
That's industry speak for when
people get so excited about an idea
23
00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:11,027
they pitch a tent in their pants
24
00:01:11,737 --> 00:01:14,578
Anyway, I'm gonna be a producer
of a talk show
25
00:01:14,578 --> 00:01:15,874
I'm gonna be a household name!
26
00:01:15,874 --> 00:01:17,979
Wow, just like that guy
who produces "Oprah"
27
00:01:17,979 --> 00:01:20,740
whose name I can't remember
is a household name
28
00:01:21,094 --> 00:01:23,828
Exactly. Now I just need a host
29
00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:26,780
Someone who you'd like to welcome
into your living room every day
30
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:29,390
Like Tony Danza
31
00:01:30,107 --> 00:01:33,472
Oh, look at me going on and on about
my job when you were recently fired
32
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I'm sorry
33
00:01:35,686 --> 00:01:37,842
Jack, I wasn't fired. I quit
34
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Oh
Okay. Right, right
35
00:01:41,076 --> 00:01:44,804
Just like I "quit" all my jobs, too
Yeah
36
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,990
Did they bang your hands
with an astray trying to get you
37
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:50,046
to let go of the cappucino machine
while you were "quittin'"?
38
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:54,655
I quit because I wanted to do
something meaningful with my life
39
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:56,907
And, uh, I know what it is
40
00:01:58,073 --> 00:01:59,384
Writing
41
00:01:59,384 --> 00:02:02,031
Well, then I know what I'm not
going to be doing
42
00:02:02,031 --> 00:02:03,561
Reading
43
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:04,580
��
44
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:04,780
�� &
45
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:04,981
�� & ��
46
00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:05,181
�� & ��
47
00:02:05,181 --> 00:02:05,381
�� & ����
48
00:02:05,381 --> 00:02:05,581
�� & ���̽�
49
00:02:05,581 --> 00:02:05,782
�� & ���̽�
50
00:02:05,782 --> 00:02:05,982
�� & ���̽�
51
00:02:05,982 --> 00:02:06,182
�� & ���̽�
52
00:02:06,182 --> 00:02:06,382
�� & ���̽�
53
00:02:06,382 --> 00:02:06,582
�� & ���̽�
54
00:02:06,582 --> 00:02:07,474
�� & ���̽�
55
00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:08,770
7x23 Friends with Benefits
56
00:02:08,770 --> 00:02:10,359
��ũ ����: �̷̹�(hamsuter@nate.com)
�ѱ� ����: �峪��(shin070@nate.com)
57
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:11,889
��ũ ����: ������(mlitm@nate.com)
\���� ��Ʈ: ������(soheejin@nate.com)
58
00:02:12,776 --> 00:02:15,472
Hey, honey... you had a message
59
00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:17,341
From a man
60
00:02:18,433 --> 00:02:22,457
He sounded cute, into you, and straight
61
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,872
"Tom Cassidy"? Ah
62
00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:31,106
- We went to college together
- Ooh. College girl
63
00:02:31,106 --> 00:02:33,480
Look who went to college
64
00:02:36,255 --> 00:02:40,087
We had a fling my senior year of college
65
00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:41,388
He was so romantic
66
00:02:41,388 --> 00:02:45,040
He always made sure that his roommate
was asleep before we'd do it
67
00:02:45,972 --> 00:02:50,658
Tell me more. Tell me more
Like did he have a car?
68
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:54,577
Oh! I know why he's calling
69
00:02:54,577 --> 00:02:56,806
He must have heard about my divorce
70
00:02:56,806 --> 00:02:58,738
Oh, here he comes again
71
00:02:58,738 --> 00:03:01,121
Barking up the Grace tree. Woof!
72
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,225
He sure is
73
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,910
Sniffing after your rotting fruit
74
00:03:08,703 --> 00:03:11,814
Looking for a place to lift his leg
75
00:03:16,383 --> 00:03:18,107
Yeah, that started fun
76
00:03:19,674 --> 00:03:23,342
Well, he said he's gonna stop
by the office today
77
00:03:23,608 --> 00:03:24,936
Gosh, honey
78
00:03:25,345 --> 00:03:27,029
I think I'm kinda jealous
79
00:03:27,392 --> 00:03:31,432
I wish I had a handsome man
visiting me at work
80
00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:33,831
Well, well, well...
81
00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:40,188
Instead, I have the world's oldest girl
82
00:03:42,463 --> 00:03:43,774
Keep it up, Karen Walker
83
00:03:43,774 --> 00:03:47,013
I'll add that insult to my complaint
84
00:03:47,013 --> 00:03:49,698
The only complaint you have
is that the American Kennel Club
85
00:03:49,698 --> 00:03:52,454
hasn't recognized you as a breed yet!
86
00:03:55,031 --> 00:04:00,406
I am slapping you with a lawsuit
for defamation of character
87
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,144
I was hosting a soiree
for the Republican Party
88
00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:05,428
on the flight deck of the Intrepid
89
00:04:05,428 --> 00:04:10,913
Your friend publicly insinuated
that I was a homosexual
90
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:17,041
And?
91
00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:20,803
Oh, Beverley, no!
92
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,040
You must've misunderstood
93
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:28,211
Attention Republicans:
Beverley Leslie is a homosexual
94
00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:32,999
I repeat: Beverley Leslie is a homosexual
95
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:37,806
I demand a public apology
at your benefit tomorrow night!
96
00:04:37,806 --> 00:04:41,814
Oh, all right, fine
Now get out of here, you angry inch
97
00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:46,518
If not, I will destroy you!
98
00:04:54,407 --> 00:04:56,947
Look at those squirrels go!
99
00:04:57,746 --> 00:05:00,234
Oh. I would pay to watch squirrel racing
100
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,086
I'd pay to see the jockeys
101
00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:06,688
That, my friend, is hilarious
You must be a writer
102
00:05:06,688 --> 00:05:10,144
Really? I seem like a writer?
That's fantastic, 'cause that's what I am
103
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,904
Wonderful
My favorite writer is John Steinbeck
104
00:05:12,904 --> 00:05:16,221
Or is it Erma Bombeck?
I get my Becks confused
105
00:05:16,659 --> 00:05:20,202
Uh, one wrote about the Dust Bowl
and the other wrote about the toilet bowl
106
00:05:20,463 --> 00:05:22,736
Ah, very good. Yeah
107
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:26,110
So what's your voice, Will Truman?
What do you want to say?
108
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,020
Well, I... I wanna do some good
109
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:30,212
You know? I wanna make
people think The--
110
00:05:30,212 --> 00:05:31,398
Wait a minute,
how'd you know my name?
111
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:34,777
It's right there on your notebook
above "plus Hugh Jackman"
112
00:05:36,926 --> 00:05:41,725
To be fair, I wrote that a long time ago
You know... before Van Helsing
113
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:44,538
I'm Malcolm
Can I read something?
114
00:05:44,538 --> 00:05:46,795
Oh, I don't think so
You're a stranger
115
00:05:46,795 --> 00:05:49,645
What if I told you I had friends at The New
Yorker who were looking for new talent?
116
00:05:49,645 --> 00:05:51,639
I'd say, "Howdy, stranger,
wanna read an essay?"
117
00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:54,667
Then I'd immediately regret saying "howdy"
118
00:05:54,956 --> 00:05:59,186
Here, this one is, uh, is about how
Wall Street really is a bull market
119
00:05:59,186 --> 00:05:59,884
if you know what I mean
120
00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:03,294
Ouch. That has got "Talk of the Town"
written all over it
121
00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:08,056
Ooh, good first sentence, I'm hooked
122
00:06:08,593 --> 00:06:12,295
Mm-hmm. Hmm. Aah!
123
00:06:12,556 --> 00:06:13,879
I didn't see that coming
124
00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:16,723
I am so glad that I met you, Will Truman
125
00:06:16,723 --> 00:06:18,579
You are the whole package
126
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,219
A great writer...
127
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,630
with a swimmer's body
128
00:06:24,454 --> 00:06:26,133
Don't ever forget that
129
00:06:31,857 --> 00:06:33,472
I put all your pictures of John Stamos
130
00:06:33,472 --> 00:06:35,929
in descending order of his hotness
like you asked
131
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,749
I hope I did it right
132
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,368
Let's see how you did. Okay
133
00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:45,097
This is an abomination!
134
00:06:45,644 --> 00:06:46,697
Jack, hi
135
00:06:47,214 --> 00:06:49,323
Beat it, straighty
Go call your girlfriend
136
00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:52,134
Oh, Jamie
137
00:06:52,134 --> 00:06:55,510
You're abusing heterosexuals
You must have good news. Heh-heh
138
00:06:55,779 --> 00:06:57,284
Tell me we have a host for the show
139
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,638
You're gonna be very happy, Jack
140
00:06:58,638 --> 00:07:03,149
We were lucky to get former child star
current telemarketer, Randall Finn
141
00:07:03,149 --> 00:07:04,331
Randall Finn?
142
00:07:04,331 --> 00:07:06,498
The loveable robot from "Small Boy Robot"?
143
00:07:06,498 --> 00:07:07,717
He's perfect!
144
00:07:07,717 --> 00:07:09,184
Hey, there he is
Randall
145
00:07:09,184 --> 00:07:10,520
Say hello to Jack
146
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,644
What? Who's Jack?
147
00:07:11,644 --> 00:07:15,150
What do you want from me, you beaver?
What? An autograph? A headshot?
148
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:19,269
Well, unless you can trade me
a clean cup of urine, you can forget it
149
00:07:20,548 --> 00:07:24,806
Um, no, I'm your producer
Jack McFarland
150
00:07:24,806 --> 00:07:26,095
Oh, oh, I'm punked to meet you
151
00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:29,120
I can't wait to meet all the people
who are gonna be working on my show
152
00:07:29,411 --> 00:07:30,758
You just did!
153
00:07:31,979 --> 00:07:35,607
By the way, big fan
Loved "Small Boy Robot."
154
00:07:35,607 --> 00:07:40,473
The episode where you thought you could
jump in the pool with the normal kids..Oh!
155
00:07:41,789 --> 00:07:43,332
Tore me up
156
00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:45,398
Hey, so what kind of stuff you
thinking about for my show?
157
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:49,378
Okay, well, I'd like to get you out of
the studio for a segment I like to call
158
00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:52,081
"Gay Man Out On The Street". You know?
159
00:07:52,081 --> 00:07:54,003
It's genius, Jack
I told you he was great
160
00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,352
Jamie, back up or you're gonna be
eating my fist, okay?
161
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:59,126
You're breathing down my neck
like a six-foot hairdryer
162
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:01,368
Sorry, Superstar
163
00:08:01,617 --> 00:08:03,813
You know what?
I don't--I don't like you
164
00:08:03,813 --> 00:08:06,461
You know what you remind me
of is that studio teacher I always had
165
00:08:06,461 --> 00:08:08,491
who was always riding me
about the algebra
166
00:08:08,491 --> 00:08:10,405
You know what, Jamie?
I got some algebra for you
167
00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:14,164
X plus Y equals:
You are barred from the set!
168
00:08:14,446 --> 00:08:16,293
Barred from the set!
169
00:08:20,572 --> 00:08:21,939
Sweet guy
170
00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:30,419
Aw, crap
171
00:08:31,765 --> 00:08:33,429
Crap
172
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:35,239
Oh
173
00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:40,400
Honey, what--
174
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,493
Why don't you just use your fingers?
175
00:08:42,493 --> 00:08:46,368
No. I wanna get it the way
the Chinese do
176
00:08:50,424 --> 00:08:54,190
You know, the last time I saw you, I think
you were trying to get my hand out of there
177
00:08:56,932 --> 00:08:58,671
Good to see you, Tom
178
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,214
Oh, he's cute
179
00:09:01,214 --> 00:09:04,186
And I usually find redheads hideous
180
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:09,343
So... tell me...
181
00:09:09,343 --> 00:09:12,240
does the carpet match the drapes?
182
00:09:16,246 --> 00:09:19,257
I don't know...
I've got wood floors
183
00:09:21,655 --> 00:09:24,019
This is my assistant, Karen
184
00:09:24,019 --> 00:09:26,118
And she was just leaving to drink
in the bathroom
185
00:09:26,118 --> 00:09:28,261
Oh, God, I forgot about that
186
00:09:30,219 --> 00:09:32,998
Uh, listen, Richie Cunningham--
187
00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:40,214
I'd love it if you could come to
my benefit as well. My treat
188
00:09:40,214 --> 00:09:44,260
Anyone who's slept with Grace
deserves a free meal
189
00:09:46,958 --> 00:09:48,756
You know, I'm sure
she's a good assistant
190
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:53,737
but when I called earlier, she answered
"Beverley Leslie is a homosexual"
191
00:09:58,151 --> 00:10:00,219
Look at you
192
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:02,210
It's like I haven't changed at all
193
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,841
You mean, "You haven't changed at all"
194
00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:05,671
Oh, that's sweet
195
00:10:08,939 --> 00:10:10,810
- So...
- Mm-hmm
196
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,003
I guess you're wondering why I'm here
197
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,720
I think I have a hunch
198
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,705
Oh, sorry I'm late
199
00:10:16,958 --> 00:10:18,276
You must be Grace
200
00:10:18,276 --> 00:10:21,098
- Oh, and you must be...
- My wife, Viv
201
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:25,831
Right. Viv. Hi, Viv, wife
202
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,007
- So did you tell her?
- No, he didn't tell me
203
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,274
Well, I haven't had a chance
204
00:10:30,274 --> 00:10:33,328
Grace, Viv and I bought a hotel in Tribeca
205
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:36,199
And we want you to design it
206
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:40,123
Wow. A hotel
207
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:44,061
That is-- That sounds really...exciting
208
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:48,125
Wow! Tom got married
209
00:10:49,538 --> 00:10:52,422
That is so great
210
00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:56,093
- Yeah. Isn't it great?
- I said it was great
211
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:09,594
Welcome to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
for the Stanley Walker Foundation Benefit
212
00:11:09,594 --> 00:11:13,515
Oh. Stanley loved ancient Egyptian culture
213
00:11:13,515 --> 00:11:18,300
They invented the pyramid, which later
became the pyramid scheme...
214
00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:25,254
A way to fool poor people into
thinking that they can be rich
215
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,900
Oh. Enjoy your evening
216
00:11:30,954 --> 00:11:35,227
Where was my apology--
for calling me a homosexual?
217
00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:39,427
Oh, relax, Fruit-ankh-amen
you'll get your apology
218
00:11:40,024 --> 00:11:41,566
Will Truman?
219
00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,606
Malcolm? What a coincidence
220
00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:46,949
Is it? Or have I been following
you all day?
221
00:11:47,964 --> 00:11:49,350
I'm just kidding
222
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:52,296
Maybe you've been following me
If you are, stop it
223
00:11:53,571 --> 00:11:56,017
Oh, um, Grace, this is the, um,
224
00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:58,365
fellow I was talking about
who I met in the park
225
00:11:58,365 --> 00:12:02,523
Oh, the guy who likes Will's writing
You're a real person
226
00:12:04,066 --> 00:12:06,144
I just lost a bet with myself
227
00:12:06,454 --> 00:12:09,392
Well, I wouldn't worry about this one
He's going to become a great writer
228
00:12:09,392 --> 00:12:12,513
like Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath,
Virginia Wolff
229
00:12:12,513 --> 00:12:16,183
- Didn't they all kill themselves?
- But they had fun
230
00:12:18,349 --> 00:12:19,843
Did they?
231
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:23,715
Hey, Karen, uh, thanks for
letting us film here
232
00:12:23,715 --> 00:12:28,163
We're shooting a segment where we ask
straight people questions about gay culture
233
00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:31,929
And if they get 'em wrong--
We throw water on them
234
00:12:32,112 --> 00:12:34,466
- Hey
- Hi, Randall, yes, you're late
235
00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:36,220
So, um, let me quickly
just go over
236
00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:39,151
the two rules to a Jack
McFarland set, okay?
237
00:12:39,151 --> 00:12:41,041
Uh, be on time. All right?
238
00:12:41,041 --> 00:12:45,526
And only members of the crew are
allowed to touch a crew's member. Okay?
239
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:51,974
Just back off my jock, okay, dinkus?
240
00:12:53,464 --> 00:12:56,272
Hey... who's this little fella?
241
00:12:57,582 --> 00:13:00,791
How many fingers old
are you, big guy? Hmm?
242
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:06,126
What? Bitch, I got a beard
and three gray pubes
243
00:13:10,201 --> 00:13:12,569
Oh, you know lots of words
244
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:16,404
- Hey
- Hey
245
00:13:17,454 --> 00:13:20,614
I'm sorry about this afternoon
It was a little weird
246
00:13:20,614 --> 00:13:22,571
Why didn't you tell me
you were married?
247
00:13:22,571 --> 00:13:25,491
I'm sorry, I-- I thought I did when
I sent you an invitation that said
248
00:13:25,491 --> 00:13:27,942
"Tom and Viv are getting married"
249
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:31,214
Oh... I bet it came during my divorce
250
00:13:31,214 --> 00:13:33,880
I didn't open any piece of mail
with calligraphy or
251
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,749
a stamp that said "Love" on it
252
00:13:37,346 --> 00:13:39,492
Anyway, where's Viv?
253
00:13:39,492 --> 00:13:40,807
She left
254
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,186
Somebody asked her
who won the Tony award
255
00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:45,523
for Best Featured Actress
in a Musical in 1975
256
00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:48,619
And when she didn't know
they threw a bucket of water on her
257
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:52,685
Oh, Rosario, I-- Look
258
00:13:52,685 --> 00:13:56,412
I'm doing some writing on social injustice
you know, the battle between the classes?
259
00:13:56,412 --> 00:13:57,773
You want to interview me?
260
00:13:57,773 --> 00:14:01,022
No, no, I just want to jot something down
Could you hold my glass?
261
00:14:02,471 --> 00:14:07,137
Sleep with your lights on, white devil
Your time is coming
262
00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:13,177
- Hey, Grace
- Hey. Will, you remember Tom?
263
00:14:13,177 --> 00:14:16,281
- Oh, of course
- I remember you too
264
00:14:16,281 --> 00:14:20,014
You're the guy that ate half a brownie
and freaked out on my floor that night
265
00:14:20,987 --> 00:14:24,212
Yeah, you could imagine my embarrassment
when I found out there were--
266
00:14:24,212 --> 00:14:26,179
there were no drugs in it
267
00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:29,554
So, Will, if I get Grace another drink
268
00:14:29,554 --> 00:14:32,094
are you gonna get me
kicked out of the dorm again?
269
00:14:40,235 --> 00:14:43,418
I forgot what a narc you were
270
00:14:47,722 --> 00:14:51,368
Excuse me, there was a war
on drugs in this country
271
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:54,078
Plus, I got half a credit for
every guy I turned in
272
00:14:55,154 --> 00:14:56,291
I don't trust him
273
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:57,795
You know, you know he's into you?
274
00:14:57,795 --> 00:14:59,488
Oh, please. He's married
275
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:02,044
You should just worry about your own guy
276
00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,592
Yeah, your "talent scout" from the park?
277
00:15:04,992 --> 00:15:07,235
Malcolm thinks I have a wonderful gift
278
00:15:07,235 --> 00:15:10,251
Or does he think you
have a wonderful package?
279
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,941
All right, I need to word with you, Randall
280
00:15:13,941 --> 00:15:15,978
I need a word with you right now
You listen to me
281
00:15:15,978 --> 00:15:18,626
I'm the producer, all right? Got it?
I'm in charge
282
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,088
So when I say "Jump",
you say, "In what shoes?"
283
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:26,296
Hey! nobody talks to me like that, okay?
284
00:15:26,296 --> 00:15:27,472
You're dead, man!
285
00:15:27,472 --> 00:15:30,016
I'm gonna rip off both your arms
286
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,466
I'm gonna flip you off with one of 'em
287
00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:34,522
and--and then I'm gonna beat you
with the other one!
288
00:15:34,522 --> 00:15:37,645
Are you ready to get your ass kicked?
289
00:15:47,484 --> 00:15:49,166
You slapped me
290
00:15:50,059 --> 00:15:52,188
Well, you were gonna attack me
291
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:57,757
I haven't been slapped since my mom
used to hit me when I didn't get a callback
292
00:15:59,104 --> 00:16:01,944
- Well, I'm sorry, I didn't mean--
- No! Get away from me!
293
00:16:01,944 --> 00:16:04,316
I hate you! And I quit!
294
00:16:04,316 --> 00:16:07,899
You have just become the top
of my list of enemies
295
00:16:07,899 --> 00:16:10,259
You have just leapt
right past Wilmer Valderrama
296
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,178
Congratulations, buddy!
297
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,846
I have a quick announcement
298
00:16:15,846 --> 00:16:22,190
We have raised $250,000 for
the Stanley Walker Foundation
299
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:26,935
It goes to fix the foundation of
Stanley Walker's house on Sag Harbor
300
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:30,920
I'm just kidding!
301
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:37,012
It goes to poor people or chicks or something...
302
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:39,186
Not so fast
303
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,220
Isn't there something else
that you need to say?
304
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:44,046
Oh, right...
305
00:16:44,476 --> 00:16:47,717
What was it that I was supposed to
apologize for, again?
306
00:16:47,717 --> 00:16:49,048
What did I say?
307
00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:51,569
You know...that I was
a homosexual!
308
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:53,568
- Hmm?
- That I'm a homosexual
309
00:16:53,568 --> 00:16:55,910
- What?
- I'm a homosexual
310
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:58,172
I'm a homosexual!
311
00:17:03,186 --> 00:17:05,801
That's right, ladies and gentlemen
you heard it here first
312
00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:09,930
Out loud and proud, Beverley Leslie
Can we give him a hand?
313
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,487
Tickle, tickle, it's Uncle Malcolm
314
00:17:17,547 --> 00:17:18,897
Listen, can I ask you something
315
00:17:18,897 --> 00:17:23,656
and it's-it's unrelated to that whole
sort of Uncle-tickle thing you just did
316
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:26,266
You-- You're not... into me, are you?
317
00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:28,075
No, I'm not. I mean
318
00:17:28,075 --> 00:17:30,570
I think you're a great-looking guy
and all, but I'm into women
319
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:33,630
I don't care if they were born that way
so long as they are now
320
00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:40,795
Well, that's great
So it is my writing that you like?
321
00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:42,424
Oh, I love it, but I may be the only one
322
00:17:42,424 --> 00:17:45,887
I heard from my contacts at The New Yorker
They didn't really care for it
323
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:47,559
Well, what'd they say exactly?
324
00:17:47,559 --> 00:17:49,549
They said they're going to enter
your name into a database
325
00:17:49,549 --> 00:17:53,818
If it comes up again, a warning
will pop up with a deafening alarm
326
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,451
Well, I... Damn it
I quit my job as a lawyer to help people
327
00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:00,214
And I'm not gonna let a few rejections
get in my way
328
00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:01,896
Did you say that you were a lawyer?
329
00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:02,997
I was, yeah
330
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:05,720
Oh, my gosh, now I know why we keep
bumping into each other
331
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:06,825
This is fate
332
00:18:06,825 --> 00:18:08,278
I had my own charitable foundation
333
00:18:08,278 --> 00:18:10,344
and I've been looking for a lawyer
to help me run it
334
00:18:10,344 --> 00:18:13,647
You could be helping needy
children and there's T
335
00:18:14,516 --> 00:18:16,679
- Helping children in need?
- Yeah
336
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:17,953
- That's great!
- Yeah
337
00:18:17,953 --> 00:18:19,312
- And I could write about it too!
- N-n-no!
338
00:18:19,312 --> 00:18:21,285
- The database
- Oh, yeah
339
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:23,426
We deserve a snack
340
00:18:23,426 --> 00:18:25,506
Get your coat, we're going to Serendipity
341
00:18:25,506 --> 00:18:28,190
Five minutes ago, I had no job
and I felt like dessert
342
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,606
Now look at me!
343
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,089
He's on the hook
344
00:18:33,089 --> 00:18:36,786
Operation Getting Will Truman
To Be A Lawyer Again is a success
345
00:18:36,786 --> 00:18:39,134
I know it's long, but it says what it is
346
00:18:39,134 --> 00:18:41,247
And we agreed that I could name
the top secret operation this week
347
00:18:41,247 --> 00:18:42,964
and you could get the bagels
348
00:18:48,323 --> 00:18:51,347
Wow. Wow, I can't believe
how long we've been here
349
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:54,121
And I never even looked
at any of the art. Heh-heh....
350
00:18:54,121 --> 00:18:55,673
Well, we could do it now
351
00:18:56,647 --> 00:18:58,531
Too many stairs
352
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:02,877
You're right
This old crap ain't going anywhere
353
00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:08,233
Well, uh... I guess I should go home
354
00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:10,378
Yeah. Yeah, we start work tomorrow
355
00:19:10,378 --> 00:19:11,630
Mm, bright and early
356
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:12,917
- Goodnight
- Goodnight
357
00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:15,691
- Whoa-- No, no
- What? No--
358
00:19:15,691 --> 00:19:16,455
- You--
- I didn't mean--
359
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,466
- You're married. I don't do that
- I know-- I'm sorry
360
00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:20,149
- It can't happen again
- I won't, I promise
361
00:19:20,149 --> 00:19:23,299
- Okay. Goodnight
- Goodnight
362
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:36,017
Who the hell put this freakin' ram here?
363
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:44,560
My show is gone, Elizabeth!
364
00:19:45,544 --> 00:19:46,892
It's gone!
365
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:49,898
- Oh!
- Oh, hey, Jamie
366
00:19:50,206 --> 00:19:52,001
I'm really sorry about
what happened with Randall
367
00:19:52,001 --> 00:19:52,984
It's okay, Jack
368
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,204
I saw some of that video
from the museum
369
00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:57,727
Sister, you are pretty on camera
370
00:19:59,135 --> 00:20:00,640
Are you asking me out?
371
00:20:01,996 --> 00:20:04,788
No, I was gonna ask you
to host the show
372
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,884
We'll talk about your contract over drinks
373
00:20:08,538 --> 00:20:09,677
Oh, my God!
374
00:20:11,456 --> 00:20:13,442
I'm gonna host my own talk show!
375
00:20:13,442 --> 00:20:15,540
We did it, Elizabeth
we did it!
376
00:20:16,322 --> 00:20:18,963
Oh, forget it!
You even twirl like a straight man!
29382
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