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1
00:00:03,731 --> 00:00:07,240
Yes, mom, the "Italian" and I broke up
2
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:09,575
No, not because he stole from me!
3
00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:11,665
Why would you say something like that?
4
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:15,853
Oh. Well, that wasn't because
Miguel was Puerto Rican
5
00:00:15,853 --> 00:00:18,021
That was because he was addicted to drugs
6
00:00:19,215 --> 00:00:21,112
I-I gotta go
I got another call
7
00:00:21,328 --> 00:00:22,718
I do too!
8
00:00:29,067 --> 00:00:30,292
Guess what this is
9
00:00:31,494 --> 00:00:33,506
Grace used your shower again?
10
00:00:34,587 --> 00:00:37,048
One of Bernadette Peters' curls
11
00:00:38,926 --> 00:00:41,119
She was standing
in front of me at Duane Reade
12
00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:44,738
Luckily, I was buying
a pair of toenail clippers
13
00:00:47,259 --> 00:00:51,324
Now I have hair from Bernadette Peters
Betty Buckley, and Idina Menzel
14
00:00:51,856 --> 00:00:55,291
All I need is Patti LuPone and my
Broadway diva wig will be complete!
15
00:00:57,609 --> 00:01:01,267
Yeah, I don't know why the red states
are so afraid of gays
16
00:01:02,736 --> 00:01:04,268
What's wrong with you?
17
00:01:04,504 --> 00:01:07,505
Your spirits are sagging
lower than your breasteses
18
00:01:09,385 --> 00:01:13,539
Just tired of moping around this apartment
thinking about my break-up with Vince
19
00:01:13,901 --> 00:01:16,186
Well, I know exactly what you need
20
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,759
I'm gonna take you out
21
00:01:17,759 --> 00:01:19,781
No, Jack. I don't think I'm up for it
22
00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:24,667
Come on. What good is
sitting alone in your room?
23
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,857
Come hear the music play
24
00:01:27,996 --> 00:01:30,754
Life is a Jack-aret, Old Chum
25
00:01:31,915 --> 00:01:33,709
Come see how Jack is gay
26
00:01:36,839 --> 00:01:38,833
Really? You and me?
Guy's night out?
27
00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:41,095
Yeah, someone to be there for you
Let me do it
28
00:01:41,661 --> 00:01:43,233
Okay, sure
29
00:01:43,529 --> 00:01:44,890
Maybe it'd cheer me up
30
00:01:44,890 --> 00:01:48,142
You know, I mean, first me and Vince,
then Brad and Jen
31
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,390
America's in mourning
32
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:49,590
��
33
00:01:49,590 --> 00:01:49,790
�� &
34
00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:49,991
�� & ��
35
00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:50,191
�� & ��
36
00:01:50,191 --> 00:01:50,391
�� & ����
37
00:01:50,391 --> 00:01:50,591
�� & ���̽�
38
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:50,791
�� & ���̽�
39
00:01:50,791 --> 00:01:50,992
�� & ���̽�
40
00:01:50,992 --> 00:01:51,192
�� & ���̽�
41
00:01:51,192 --> 00:01:51,392
�� & ���̽�
42
00:01:51,392 --> 00:01:51,592
�� & ���̽�
43
00:01:51,592 --> 00:01:52,484
�� & ���̽�
44
00:01:52,484 --> 00:01:53,557
7x14 Partners
45
00:01:53,557 --> 00:01:54,608
��ũ ����
�̷̹�(hamsuter@nate.com)
46
00:01:54,608 --> 00:01:55,659
�ѱ� ����
�躴��(myiuno@nate.com)
47
00:01:55,659 --> 00:01:56,710
���� ��Ʈ
�̷̹�(hamsuter@nate.com)
48
00:02:01,583 --> 00:02:02,935
Honey, sorry, I'm late
49
00:02:03,761 --> 00:02:05,569
Wait a minute. No, I'm not
50
00:02:06,524 --> 00:02:09,952
Why do I say things I don't mean?
It demeans us both
51
00:02:10,954 --> 00:02:13,836
Honey, you look so pretty in that dre--
Okay, there I go again
52
00:02:13,836 --> 00:02:15,380
I can't stop
53
00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:19,670
Karen... No more coming in late
54
00:02:19,953 --> 00:02:22,819
This restaurant could be huge for us
We both need to be at the top of our game
55
00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:24,986
Now I want you to open up that pill box
56
00:02:24,986 --> 00:02:28,616
and throw out anything
yellow, green or orange
57
00:02:30,051 --> 00:02:31,314
No orange?
58
00:02:33,107 --> 00:02:36,382
Honey, that's my hormone pill
There's no telling what could grow back
59
00:02:40,212 --> 00:02:41,245
It's our new client
60
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,231
Hello?
61
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,696
Yes, I'm very excited about the job
62
00:02:47,696 --> 00:02:48,909
The whole staff is
63
00:02:50,314 --> 00:02:53,014
Uh, Charles, you can go ahead
and distribute those memos
64
00:02:53,313 --> 00:02:58,302
Uh, Dana, tell your department I'll be postponing
the presentation in Conference Room B
65
00:02:58,302 --> 00:03:00,052
Don't gimme that look!
66
00:03:03,704 --> 00:03:05,809
Sure, I'm coming right over
67
00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:08,076
Looking forward to meeting you. Okay
68
00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:11,843
Good Lord, honey
You have lost it
69
00:03:13,155 --> 00:03:15,138
"Charles" and "Dana"?
70
00:03:15,138 --> 00:03:17,836
They haven't worked here in months!
Sheesh...
71
00:03:21,850 --> 00:03:25,413
Karen, I need you to hold down the fort
72
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,588
Well, I did it at the Alamo,
I can do it here
73
00:03:31,492 --> 00:03:36,061
Jesus loves me, this, I know, for the--
74
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:37,158
Hello, Karen
75
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,362
Scott Woolley
76
00:03:42,621 --> 00:03:47,407
Yes, oh, you're so wise to remember
the name of your sworn enemy
77
00:03:47,407 --> 00:03:50,436
Actually, you've got a dry cleaning tag
hanging off your shirt
78
00:03:52,059 --> 00:03:57,344
Well... I never thought I would see you again
after I foiled your plan to take over Walker, Inc
79
00:03:57,344 --> 00:03:59,226
What the hell are you doing here?
80
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:04,644
Hmm. I just dropped by to see
how my campaign to destroy your life
81
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,737
is progressing. Mm-hmm
82
00:04:07,287 --> 00:04:10,088
What? What are you talking about?
83
00:04:10,088 --> 00:04:13,899
Now unless you've come here to deliver
a baby, get outta here, you big stork!
84
00:04:15,442 --> 00:04:21,040
Uh, maybe you've been wondering who's
been calling your voice mail and hanging up
85
00:04:21,288 --> 00:04:22,749
Voice mail?
86
00:04:22,749 --> 00:04:25,725
I don't even know what that is
How can you mail a voice?
87
00:04:27,278 --> 00:04:30,476
You're even crazier than
you are tall and birdlike
88
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:36,317
Yeah, but that's nothing compared to
the final phase of my second plan to ruin...
89
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,579
your...
life
90
00:04:40,382 --> 00:04:44,182
Yeah, well, I hope it's better than your first plan
because that one sucked!
91
00:04:44,182 --> 00:04:47,084
Other than "Let's beat Bush by running
another mopey stiff with a horse face,"
92
00:04:47,084 --> 00:04:49,549
that was the worst plan I've ever heard!
93
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,484
Except this one's gonna work
94
00:04:54,484 --> 00:04:59,779
And when it does, I finally get to break out
my bottle of 1954 Salon le Menuille
95
00:04:59,779 --> 00:05:02,066
The world's most expensive champagne,
96
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:07,619
which I've been saving for the moment
when I finally bring you down. Ciao
97
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:10,269
And, uh, when next you see me,
98
00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:14,456
you're gonna be crying bitter tears
99
00:05:18,997 --> 00:05:20,770
Do I need a key for the men's room?
100
00:05:30,773 --> 00:05:32,639
Are you sure this is a gay club?
101
00:05:33,222 --> 00:05:35,166
Middle-aged women keep bumping into me,
102
00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:37,452
and this song is, like, 28 years old
103
00:05:37,452 --> 00:05:41,365
It's a straight club right now
It doesn't turn gay until 9:00
104
00:05:42,222 --> 00:05:45,113
I had a roommate in college
who was the same way
105
00:05:47,859 --> 00:05:50,147
Yeah, well, we just have to hold out a bit
106
00:05:50,147 --> 00:05:53,443
It should be changing in exactly...
five seconds
107
00:05:53,443 --> 00:05:57,511
I find it hard to believe that a club
could just instantly turn gay
108
00:06:05,647 --> 00:06:08,809
Yeah, we have to leave in exactly two hours
109
00:06:08,809 --> 00:06:11,698
unless you want to be tossed around
by a bunch of bikers
110
00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:14,379
Thanks, Jack
This is just what I needed
111
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:18,068
You know, spend a little time with my friend
take my mind off of everything
112
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:20,892
I know. I pee a little bit when I dance too
113
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,791
That's not what I said
114
00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:27,211
I said it's great spending time with you
115
00:06:27,465 --> 00:06:28,691
Oh, well, good
116
00:06:28,691 --> 00:06:30,218
'Cause I'm yours for the night
117
00:06:30,546 --> 00:06:32,650
- I'm gonna get us a couple drinks
- I'll come with ya
118
00:06:32,650 --> 00:06:35,662
No, no, no, no, you have to save
our spot on the dance floor
119
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,667
This is the premiere spot
120
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:39,966
We're away from the smoke
The lighting is perfect
121
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,919
And we got a balls-eye-view
of the go-go boys
122
00:06:44,964 --> 00:06:46,329
Okay, I'll save it
123
00:06:48,211 --> 00:06:49,627
No, not like that
124
00:06:49,627 --> 00:06:51,940
You gotta save it for both of us
You gotta dance wide!
125
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:57,994
Yeah, that's good
126
00:06:58,344 --> 00:06:59,866
That's good. I'll be right back
127
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:06,300
Mr. Osment is running late
If you need anything, I'm Filip
128
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,209
Thank you, Philip
129
00:07:07,531 --> 00:07:10,396
Yeah, uh, No,
it's "Fil-lip" with an "F."
130
00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:16,565
- What did I say?
- "Philip" with a "P-H."
131
00:07:19,066 --> 00:07:20,345
Ah, he's ready for you
132
00:07:21,881 --> 00:07:24,302
Wait...here
133
00:07:28,556 --> 00:07:29,563
Aah!
134
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,562
S-sorry. Hello
Miss Adler?
135
00:07:32,766 --> 00:07:35,917
- Oh, you must be Mr. Osment
- Please call me Haley Joel
136
00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:41,931
"Haley Joel Osment"?
137
00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:43,360
Like the kid
138
00:07:44,534 --> 00:07:46,385
Uh, yes...
139
00:07:46,385 --> 00:07:48,394
Uh, I was named after him
140
00:07:50,546 --> 00:07:53,529
My parents were big fans. Big fans
141
00:07:54,318 --> 00:07:56,413
Anyway, let's look at those design plans
142
00:07:56,792 --> 00:08:00,867
Oh, oh, I don't have the plans
We're really not at that stage yet
143
00:08:02,302 --> 00:08:05,125
But your office assured me
that you'd be bringing 'em
144
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:08,718
That woman, uh, told me--
145
00:08:08,718 --> 00:08:10,357
Oh, boy, now I'm not gonna
remember her name
146
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:13,444
Um, Klaybin, Klaron, Karbin...
147
00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:16,272
- Karen?
- Yeah, oh, yes, Karen
148
00:08:16,886 --> 00:08:20,077
- She promised that I'd be bringing plans?
- Yes, she absolutely did
149
00:08:20,077 --> 00:08:22,047
Oh, I apologize for the misunderstanding
150
00:08:22,047 --> 00:08:23,496
Well, it's just ridiculous
151
00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:26,925
How're you gonna do the job if you
can't even handle your own assistant?
152
00:08:26,925 --> 00:08:28,585
I think you should fire her
153
00:08:29,045 --> 00:08:31,287
I-I can't fire her
154
00:08:31,287 --> 00:08:36,253
It would be like cutting off my arm
My drunk, useless arm
155
00:08:40,742 --> 00:08:42,726
- Do you want this job?
- Of course, I do
156
00:08:42,999 --> 00:08:46,553
Then fire...
Karen... Walker
157
00:08:54,846 --> 00:08:56,039
Okay, get this
158
00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:58,062
That guy that I met last night, Craig,
159
00:08:58,062 --> 00:09:02,397
lives in the same building
as Patti LuPone's dog walker
160
00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:06,779
After that, how could I not sleep with him?
161
00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:11,637
Oh, Patti... I'm getting closer
162
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:18,870
Sometimes, I imagine her singing
while I'm cutting her hair
163
00:09:20,455 --> 00:09:22,963
No, Jack, one dream at a time!
Stop it
164
00:09:24,038 --> 00:09:25,250
How was your night?
165
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,386
How was my night?
My night was horrible
166
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:30,669
You dumped me!
167
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:33,198
I sweated through my jeans dancing wide
168
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,498
Then I had to do four
body shots off of Betty Lynn
169
00:09:36,498 --> 00:09:39,053
before Squirrel would drive
me home on his Harley!
170
00:09:41,556 --> 00:09:44,023
All right, you want an apology
171
00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:47,082
Come on, let's do it in the mirror,
so we can see how cute I look doing it
172
00:09:47,832 --> 00:09:49,653
Save it, Jack. I'm not in the mood
173
00:09:50,104 --> 00:09:52,465
The one time I needed you to be there for me--
174
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:54,264
I don't know why I'm surprised
175
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,683
You don't give a crap
about anyone but yourself
176
00:09:57,112 --> 00:09:59,833
Will! I'm sorry, really
177
00:10:00,175 --> 00:10:01,747
Now come on, let's go have lunch at Barney's
178
00:10:01,747 --> 00:10:04,623
so we can watch women
with giant lips try to eat soup
179
00:10:09,078 --> 00:10:11,050
Forget it, Jack. I'm done
180
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,496
I don't know what you're talking about, honey
Nobody named Osment called
181
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,820
and I never promised nobody nothin', ya hear?
182
00:10:26,390 --> 00:10:28,289
Look, he gave me an ultimatum
183
00:10:28,289 --> 00:10:31,556
He said I either fire you or I lose the job
184
00:10:31,556 --> 00:10:35,112
And he was talking about opening
these restaurants all over the country
185
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:39,592
I mean, I could be the designer of
Woolley's Revenges everywhere
186
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,595
"Woolley's Revenge"?
187
00:10:44,595 --> 00:10:47,351
I know, bad name
I go straight to "diarrhea."
188
00:10:48,623 --> 00:10:49,743
Wait a minute, wait a minute
189
00:10:49,743 --> 00:10:53,363
Honey, this guy that you're working for
describe him to me
190
00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:57,941
Oh, I don't know
Really tall, long-limbed, attractive
191
00:10:59,255 --> 00:11:01,722
Kinda like a big sexy whooping crane?
192
00:11:03,851 --> 00:11:05,643
Now that you say it, yeah
193
00:11:05,947 --> 00:11:07,391
I knew it. It's the same guy!
194
00:11:07,391 --> 00:11:10,994
Oh, no. Wait a minute, my guy's name
is Scott Woolley, not Osment
195
00:11:10,994 --> 00:11:12,256
Okay, forget it
196
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:19,228
Mmm
197
00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:22,478
Excuse me
These candies are delicious
198
00:11:22,478 --> 00:11:25,154
- What do you call them?
- Sugar cubes
199
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,191
Yummy
200
00:11:33,548 --> 00:11:34,313
Oh
201
00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:36,867
Will! Thanks for coming
202
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:38,595
I'm not here to see you
203
00:11:38,595 --> 00:11:41,635
I'm here to do an interview
for the premiere issue of Briefs
204
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,757
a magazine for cute gay lawyers
205
00:11:44,605 --> 00:11:47,751
Which I just realized does not exist
206
00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:50,082
You'd think I'd been tipped off
207
00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:54,116
when the message was left by
managing editor Pat McGroin
208
00:11:57,071 --> 00:11:58,603
At your service, laddie
209
00:11:59,503 --> 00:12:01,163
- I don't have time for this
- No, no, no, but wait, wait
210
00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:04,016
I wanna be here for you
Now, come, come, sit
211
00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:07,926
I reserved a nice quiet table in the corner
for us to talk for as long as you need
212
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:12,206
Yeah, until a cute guy walks by
or you notice your reflection in a spoon
213
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:15,697
No. Now I can be a good friend
214
00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:20,553
Now, I would like to hear everything
that's going on with you
215
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:22,753
- You would?
- I would
216
00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:24,844
You must be serious
217
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,612
The word "would" was just used three times,
and you didn't giggle
218
00:12:29,894 --> 00:12:30,859
Okay
219
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:35,487
It's, uh... I don't know,
it's--it's been hard
220
00:12:36,217 --> 00:12:38,066
Wow, still no giggle
221
00:12:40,685 --> 00:12:42,263
It just--it's, like...it's--
222
00:12:42,585 --> 00:12:45,951
What Vince and I had just felt so right
223
00:12:45,951 --> 00:12:48,041
And you're wondering if you're
ever gonna find that again
224
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:49,129
Yeah, I am
225
00:12:49,129 --> 00:12:52,336
I mean, it's like, am I even capable of
having a relationship?
226
00:12:52,336 --> 00:12:53,568
Of course
227
00:12:53,568 --> 00:12:56,451
You just haven't found anyone
who's good enough for you yet
228
00:12:57,055 --> 00:12:58,710
Thanks
229
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,649
Oh, you know, I should wash my hands
230
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:04,920
The subway stopped short, and I accidentally
put my finger in an old man's ear
231
00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:07,305
I'll be right back
232
00:13:07,305 --> 00:13:08,973
Okay, and I'll be waiting right here
233
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:12,385
As far as I'm concerned, we're the only
two people in the whole world
234
00:13:13,262 --> 00:13:16,087
I have a reservation for tea
Patti LuPone
235
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:23,320
Miss Adler
236
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:27,839
I can only assume that this means
that you've fired Karen Walker
237
00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:32,142
I did. But I'd really rather not talk about it
It's just too upsetting
238
00:13:32,438 --> 00:13:34,610
Oh, yes. No, I understand
239
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:39,111
Um, so how did she take it?
Um, maybe not well?
240
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,725
She was devastated
241
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:46,611
She said that that job was the most
important thing to her in the world
242
00:13:46,611 --> 00:13:48,222
Go on, go on
Keep going, don't mind me
243
00:13:48,222 --> 00:13:50,450
I may close my eyes a little bit,
go ahead
244
00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:54,686
After that, she became violent
245
00:13:55,055 --> 00:13:56,619
I had to have her arrested
246
00:13:56,908 --> 00:13:58,932
Then when the police where
shoving her into the squad car
247
00:13:58,932 --> 00:14:00,940
they accidentally ripped her ear off
248
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:05,886
They were gonna try and put it back on,
but a dog ran up and ate it
249
00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:10,343
Wow, that sounds like,
uh, her life is ruined
250
00:14:10,343 --> 00:14:12,389
- Does it sound like that to you?
- It does
251
00:14:12,389 --> 00:14:16,009
But to Karen it only sounds half as bad
because she only has one ear
252
00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:21,762
I feel...
253
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:23,487
just awful
254
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,435
Oh. You know what a sad
occasion like this calls for?
255
00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:28,680
A glass of 1954 Salon le Menuille
256
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,586
The world's most expensive champagne
257
00:14:31,532 --> 00:14:34,846
I've waited so long for this moment
258
00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:38,575
No champagne will ever taste as sweet
259
00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:45,758
It tastes like cat pee!
260
00:14:58,138 --> 00:15:00,090
That's because it is
261
00:15:04,697 --> 00:15:08,945
Miss LuPone, I just wanna say
I saw you in Evita when I was 16
262
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:11,160
I came out by intermission
263
00:15:12,809 --> 00:15:14,150
I hear that a lot
264
00:15:14,595 --> 00:15:18,460
Sometimes I think I'm personally
responsible for the West Village
265
00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:22,761
By the way, you look fabulous
266
00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:26,415
Thanks. My hair's a little long
I need to get it cut
267
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:37,849
Sorry
268
00:15:43,983 --> 00:15:46,659
This is really, really sweet of you
to do, Jack. Thank you
269
00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:48,256
Well, I'm happy to
270
00:15:48,256 --> 00:15:49,601
There's nothing more important
to me than you
271
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:51,269
Patti-- Fatty-- Will!
272
00:15:53,582 --> 00:15:55,148
Are you--are you okay?
273
00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:57,044
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfect
274
00:15:57,044 --> 00:15:59,380
So heartbreak and sorrow, go
275
00:15:59,997 --> 00:16:01,733
Oh, no, my earring
276
00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:06,255
Oh, my God. Is that Patti LuPone?
277
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:07,976
No, I don't think so. Heh heh
278
00:16:07,976 --> 00:16:09,720
- I really think it is
- Really?
279
00:16:10,009 --> 00:16:11,249
Oh, what do you know, it is
280
00:16:14,093 --> 00:16:15,119
I'm sorry
281
00:16:15,411 --> 00:16:17,572
My head was practically in your lap
282
00:16:18,373 --> 00:16:21,070
So... Do I get the part?
283
00:16:25,930 --> 00:16:28,692
Jack. What are you doing?
284
00:16:28,692 --> 00:16:30,517
You've been trying to track down Patti LuPone
285
00:16:30,517 --> 00:16:32,292
ever since you came home with that
clump of hair from Bea Arthur
286
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,362
and finished your Golden Girls wig
287
00:16:36,191 --> 00:16:37,244
William
288
00:16:37,244 --> 00:16:39,542
Now for the last time, nothing
can distract me from you
289
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:40,773
Now, please continue
290
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:45,172
Um, I hate to ask this
and I feel really awkward...
291
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:47,434
Ohh, it's okay. I know
292
00:16:47,736 --> 00:16:50,657
You want me to sing
"Don't Cry For Me, Argentina."
293
00:16:50,657 --> 00:16:52,347
Well, it's my birthday
294
00:16:52,347 --> 00:16:53,773
I would love to
295
00:16:53,773 --> 00:16:55,504
But I don't wanna be rude
296
00:16:55,504 --> 00:16:58,688
I'll just ask these gentlemen
if they don't mind
297
00:16:59,321 --> 00:17:00,353
Excuse me
298
00:17:01,915 --> 00:17:03,350
Hello?
299
00:17:04,406 --> 00:17:07,963
Jack, Patti LuPone is
trying to get your attention
300
00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:09,861
Would you mind if I sang?
301
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:11,765
Shut up, Patti LuPone!
302
00:17:14,362 --> 00:17:17,075
Shut your brassy, magnificent trap!
303
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:20,220
I don't wanna hear you sing
I don't wanna cut your hair
304
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:23,144
And I certainly don't wanna hear you
singing while I'm cutting your hair!
305
00:17:25,135 --> 00:17:26,025
Got it?!
306
00:17:26,025 --> 00:17:29,298
Now I'm talking to my best friend
so stand back, Buenos Aires!
307
00:17:34,323 --> 00:17:37,296
People either love me, or they hate me
308
00:17:39,338 --> 00:17:41,349
I don't believe you just did that
309
00:17:42,014 --> 00:17:45,052
You spurned a Broadway legend for me
310
00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:49,669
Well, I wanted to prove to you
that I really care about you, Will
311
00:17:50,458 --> 00:17:52,444
- And you did
- Really?
312
00:17:53,288 --> 00:17:54,985
Yes. And thank you
313
00:17:55,473 --> 00:17:56,627
Now come on
314
00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:58,374
We've got a diva to scalp
315
00:17:59,471 --> 00:18:00,748
Thank you, Will
316
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:03,970
I just hope she's not a screamer
like that prissy Rue McClanahan
317
00:18:14,675 --> 00:18:15,753
Excuse me
318
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,979
I don't mean to bother you
during your man cry
319
00:18:22,078 --> 00:18:23,911
But I forgot my portfolio
320
00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:25,258
Um, hold me
321
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,824
Hold you? No, I'm not going to hold you
322
00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,702
You tried to destroy my best friend
323
00:18:31,702 --> 00:18:34,361
And you wasted my time on
some bogus design job
324
00:18:34,361 --> 00:18:37,110
Oh, no, sweetie, I was always
gonna pay you. Here's your check
325
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:38,686
Come to mamala
326
00:18:42,584 --> 00:18:44,146
I'm--I'm pathetic
327
00:18:44,146 --> 00:18:48,125
What if I can never defeat Karen Walker
then what's the point of my whole life?
328
00:18:48,125 --> 00:18:49,548
Oh, don't talk like that
329
00:18:49,983 --> 00:18:52,751
You are smart, good-looking, rich
330
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:55,013
Don't waste all your energy on Karen
Just let it go
331
00:18:55,013 --> 00:18:57,864
I can't! She's all I think about
332
00:18:57,864 --> 00:19:00,831
I imagine what she's doing
every moment of every day
333
00:19:00,831 --> 00:19:04,059
I look for her in crowds
I listen for her voice
334
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,930
When I'm pulling a pineapple cake
out of the oven
335
00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:08,063
I'm thinking, "Is she doing the same thing?"
336
00:19:10,523 --> 00:19:13,540
If I didn't know any better
I'd say that you had a little crush on her
337
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:15,785
No, I just told you. I hate her
338
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:18,553
She's evil and monstrous and cold
339
00:19:18,553 --> 00:19:21,307
- And sexy?
- So hunkin' sexy
340
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:24,732
Oh my God in heaven
341
00:19:25,209 --> 00:19:25,948
You may be right
342
00:19:25,948 --> 00:19:28,845
I think I-- I do have a little--
a little crush on her
343
00:19:28,845 --> 00:19:32,001
See, now you don't have to
devote your entire life to ruining her
344
00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:35,346
Oh, you're so right. Thank you
Thank you, Grace
345
00:19:35,346 --> 00:19:36,782
Gee, you freed me
346
00:19:36,782 --> 00:19:43,042
Now I can devote my entire life to...
making her my girlfriend
347
00:19:50,285 --> 00:19:54,972
Don't cry for me, Argentina
348
00:19:54,972 --> 00:19:59,048
The truth is I never left you
349
00:19:59,048 --> 00:20:01,639
All through my wild days
350
00:20:01,639 --> 00:20:04,009
my mad existance...
351
00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,703
I kept my promise...
352
00:20:06,703 --> 00:20:10,376
Don't keep your distance
27291
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