All language subtitles for Will & Grace (1998) - S10E13 - The Real McCoy 1080p WEBDL h264 AAC 2.0

- "Will & Grace" is recorded

in front of
a live studio audience.

- Hey, uh,

I've got something
I need to tell you guys

about the wedding.

Oh, boy.

I think you should
all be seated.

At my wedding!

What!
Whoo!

Okay, I just finished
the chart.

Karen and Grace, you'll be
up front with your plus ones,

Noah and Malcolm,
and Will--ooh.

This is a little Awkwafina.

You're way back at the, uh...

singles table.
[laughs]

- I fully intend to bring
someone to your wedding.

- You do?
Who?

- I might find somebody.
- [chuckles]

- I love that you think that.

- Okay, girls and girls,
I gotta get out of here.

I got an election
to illegally ri--

whoops, almost said it
out loud.

- I'm gonna go call
some designers

and drum up votes.

Once again,
I find myself

begging gay men to love me.

- So you came all the way

down here just to rub it
in my face

that I'm at the singles table?

- Nobody's rubbing anything
in your face,

which is why
you're at the singles table.

- You're loving this,
aren't you?

You get married,
me not having anybody.

- Absolutely not.

I take no joy in letting
you know you're sitting

[lightly]
at the singles table.

- You can't even say it
without smiling.

- Of course I can.

You
[singsongy] uh...

Are at...

[laughing] Singles table.

[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

♪

- Will, our building
is on the news.

[news theme plays]
- What?

Wow, that is our building.

- Bird lovers are talking
about this nest

on the Upper West Side
where an extremely rare

red-tailed hawk awaits
the arrival of her chicks.

With temperatures dropping,
it's imperative

that those eggs
are always kept warm.

That's why mama bird must sit
on those eggs at all times.

Otherwise they may not hatch
at all.

- Thank you, Angela.

And finally it's time
for "The Real McCoy."

- That's McCoy Whitman.
You went out with him.

- Yeah, once, but he's just
into meaningless hookups

with hot, superficial
dumb-dumbs.

- So he's a guy.

♪

- And that's when I realized

I've been wrong
all these years.

This is actually my best side.

That's why I go, "It's time
for 'The Real McCoy.'"

See--what was
the question again?

- If you have any brothers
or sisters?

- Yeah, one brother.

Also a newscaster.
Smaller market.

Is he jealous?
I'd rather not say.

He is.
- Okay. [coughs]

McCoy.

I like you.
- I like you too.

- So you don't have to do this.

- Do what?
- Impress me.

Convince how successful
and attractive you are.

Can't we get past
the surface stuff?

I wanna know
the real Real McCoy.

- Wow.

Nobody ever wants to know
what's on the inside.

- Well, I do.
That stuff matters.

- Okay.

Well, it hasn't been easy
for me.

Here, let me show you a picture
of me in high school.

Maybe you'll see
where I'm coming from.

- Oh, I get it.

We all had
those awkward teen years.

I had zits and braces and--

Holy scoliosis!
You were gorgeous!

- Exactly.

I've always been
this good looking.

- You'd have called me
the wrong name in high school,

and I would have let you.

And this has been rough
for you how?

- Because this is
all people see me as.

They don't want to hear
about who I am or what I feel.

But you do.

I knew there was something
special about you.

That's why I couldn't stop
thinking about you.

And then we're doing
a story about that hawk,

and it's on your building.
It was like fate.

I knew that I needed
to see you again

[crying] because you see me.

[sobbing] You really see me.

[weeping] Thank you.

- Okay, okay.

[blows through nose loudly]

[sniffles]

Okay, is this what
you're looking for?

- Sure, but--[clears throat]

- [sighs] I'm sorry.
I need a minute.

[breathing heavily] Oh.

Whoo.

You've peeled back
the first layer.

I can't wait to show you
the others.

♪

[elevator dings]

- Hello, Grace.
- [high-pitched scream]

Val, I didn't see you

squeezed in the corner
back there.

- Why so jumpy?

- No reason.

Just things you've said, done,
stolen from my garbage.

- Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]

Well, it turns out
my "erratic behavior"

and "violent tendencies"
were caused

by a Vitamin B deficiency.

I'm way better now.

- Were you given that diagnosis

from a "real doctor"?

Or from "your cat"?

- Cats can't be doctors,
only nurses.

Besides, that's the old Val.

The new Val just wants
to be friends.

Oh, by the way,
good luck in the election.

- How do you know about that?

- Well, years ago when I could
only self-soothe

by pretending to be you,

I became a designer

and joined the Guild.
Again, old Val.

- So you're a voting member.
- Mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Can I count on your vote?
- No, I'm still undecided.

New Val really likes

to think things through.
[elevator ding]

♪

.

[upbeat jazzy music]

- [tapping rapidly]
Val is a voting member?

This is a disaster.

Would it have killed you
to be nice to her?

- Maybe.

I think she wanted to make me
into a Slim Jim.

- Damn it, Grace.

Don't you know
what's at stake here?

This is the Presidency

of the people who tell people
where to hang wallpaper!

[taps clipboard]

- So what are we supposed
to do?

- "We" aren't supposed
to do anything.

Mama will take care of this.

- So what, you'll talk to her?

- [laughs]
Oh, I'll talk to her.

- Nothing shady or underhanded.

- Nothing shady.
[clicks tongue twice]

- Or underhanded.

- Or...

[clicks tongue twice]

Underhanded.

- Oh, God, this is so hard.

I want to win so much,
but at what cost?

- Oh, get it together, Grace!

We're so close

I can smell victory!

- Fine. Do what you have to do.

But I don't want
to know about it.

♪

- Hey, um,

I felt really bad
about how I acted yesterday,

so I wanted to bring you

your wedding invitation
in person.

[mumbles]

- Thank you.

"Will Truman plus zero."

You had this printed?

- [unevenly] It does not
make me happy, Will.

And, hey, there's nothing wrong
with the singles table.

And you'll be the oldest one.

You can be their leader.
Yay!

- You know what?
I'm not gonna be at that table.

I will be inviting
the hottest guy

in New York to be my plus one.

- Ugh.
Of course you are.

Oh, I've seen this movie.

On the day of the wedding,

he'll suddenly be called
back to Canada.

[guffawing]

[coughing]

It's McCoy Whitman!

- Hi, Jack.
- Yeah, yeah, we're on a date.

But before you go, uh,

McCoy, short notice, but Jack's
getting married soon,

and I wondered
if you wanted to go with me.

- Yeah, I would love to.

- But you don't know
when it is!

It could be very inconvenient
for you.

- I can make it work.
- Put me down for a plus one.

- How nice.

I guess I'll just put you
at the celebrity table

with J.Lo, Cher,
and "Teen Wolf"'s Tyler Posey.

- Jack, it's your wedding.

It's not like everybody's gonna
be looking at my hot plus one

and not the sweaty groom
with anxiety farts.

- You're loving this,
aren't you?

- No.

Not at all.
[laughs]

You don't really have to go--
- [sobbing]

Okay, McCoy, broadcast face.

[breathes deeply]

First you open my heart,

and then you invite me
to your best friend's wedding.

This is a huge step for us.

- For us?
You know, McCoy, I think

we should just--
- Let's go to bed, Will.

- [scoffs]

Okay.

♪

[voicemail beeps]

- Hey, McCoy.
Sorry I missed you.

I just wanted to say
thanks for the flowers

and the champagne

and the fun socks.

I, uh--I assume
the little stick figure men

holding hands are us.

It's all--it's a little much
for me.

And--
[knocking at door]

Uh, just call me.

Okay?
We need to talk.

- Hey.

- I was just leaving you
a message.

- I know.

I didn't pick up because I knew

I was gonna see you
in a second,

and then I get to hear
your voice again later.

- Aw, that's scary.

- [laughing] You're so funny.

And smart and handsome
and kind.

How did I get so lucky?
- Not always so nice.

Look, the message
I was leaving--

- No, stop.
Look, I'm new to this.

And maybe this is wrong,

but I am feeling
so much right now.

I just need to say these words
out loud before I burst.

- I think I need to say
my thing first.

- No, Will, I have never said
these three words

to any man before in my life.
- Then don't.

- I...
- Please.

- Love...
- Please don't.

- You...
- There it is, there it is.

- I love you, Will Truman.

Again, new to this.

Does the other person
always take this long

to respond?

.

[jazzy music]

[knocking at door]

- Hello, Grace.
It's me, Val.

I wasn't sure you'd recognize
me in my fancy clothes.

No, I'm just kidding.
I knew you'd recognize me.

- Wow.
Val, you look amazing.

So, um, did Karen talk to you,
by any chance?

- Yes, she did,
and thank you for telling her

to buy me these things
so that I would vote for you.

- Oh, I didn't tell her
to do that.

- Oh, when you're lying,
you have to go like this--

[clicks tongue twice]
at the end.

- Yeah, but I'm not lying.
- No, like this--

"I'm not lying."
[clicks tongue twice]

You'll get it.

- Okay, well, um, so...

do I have your vote?

- Sorry, I can't vote
for a dirty politician.

♪

- Yes, Judith, Will's bringing
him to the wedding.

Ugh! Yes, he's cute!

No, you cannot sit
at his table!

I'm in a lot of pain, moth--
hey, buddy.

- Sorry, Jack.

It looks like I won't be coming
to your wedding after all.

Will dumped me.

- Oh.

It's opposite day.
[chuckles]

- It's my fault.
I came on too strong.

I've known him two days,

and I already know
his mother's name,

where she lives,

and what her house
looks like on Google Earth.

- At least you don't know
what Kevin Bacon's garbage

smells like.
[laughs]

- I'm such an idiot.

And I really liked him.

- You poor dear boy.

You know, you remind me of a...

slightly older version
of myself.

- You think I'm older than you?
'Cause I was born in--

- Let's not get caught up
in math, kay?

Look, I know what it's like

to fall in love
for the first time.

It's like when you first try
cotton candy,

and you think,
"This is all I want to eat

and I want to eat it
all right now!"

And your mom's like,
"You're gonna get sick."

And you'll all, [yells]
"I know my own body, Judith!"

And you end up with blue vomit
all over your clothes.

But you got to ease into it,
you know?

If you really want to make it
work with Will,

let him know you're willing
to take it slow.

- Why are you helping me?

Kind of got the sense
that you're rooting

against us being together.

- Whaaat?

Weird.

Will's my best friend,

and you seem like a decent guy,

As much as it kills me
to say this

because I'm rooting
against you,

he deserves to be happy.

- Thanks, Jack.

♪

- I have to tell you I'm very
disappointed in you, Grace.

I need some air.

- Val.

This is just
a big misunderstanding, Val.

I mean, we have history.

You hit me in the head
with a snow globe,

and that's friendship.

- Is that a drone
delivering a pizza?

- They do that now?

- What are you doing?
- I can't let you win, Grace.

The Guild deserves a leader
with a moral compass like me.

- You can't just show up
and run at the last minute.

- Article 172 of the bylaws
says that I can.

- We have bylaws?

- Yes, we do,
as established in Article 1.

Good-bye, Grace.
- Wait, Val! No!

[banging, rattles handle]

Val, come on!

Oh. Oh, no.

[sirens wailing in distance]

[whispering] Oh, God.
Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[grunts]

Okay, I can do this.

[lengthy gasp]

[wails]

I can do this.

Just have to get to the window.

And then I'll be
on the staircase

that smells like diapers,
and I can handle that.

[exhaling heavily]

[lengthy gasp]

Oh, my God.

The hawk.
[gasps]

You're so beautiful.

[hawk caws]

Oh! Oh, no!
Come back!

Your babies will freeze
if they're left uncovered!

Freezing your eggs should
not be an impulse decision!

Who's gonna keep them warm now?

Aw, crap.

♪

- Grace, I know you always
tell me not to leave

long, rambling messages, but
you gotta listen to this one.

I don't know what to do
about McCoy.

The guy's way too into me
after one date.

You think sleeping with him
when he was vulnerable

and in tears was sending
a mixed message?

Oh, here he is on the TV.

God, he's pretty.

You know, this isn't a problem.
Don't call me back.

- So we're left
with the question:

With the mother hawk
nowhere in sight,

how much longer can the woman
squatting over the eggs

continue to keep them warm?

- What are you looking at?

This is what
a good New Yorker does.

- Well, this was bound
to happen sooner or later.

- Oh, God.

Oh!

I forgot about you.

[laughing] Yeah.
Yes.

[hawk cawing]

Mama bird, you're back!

Hi!

Look! Look!

I kept them warm for you.

[hawk cawing]

What's that look in your eye?

[hawk cawing]

No!
[screaming]

.

[jazzy music]

- Hello, Karen.
- [laughs]

- Do you like my new outfit
that I bought

with my own money?
[clicks tongue]

- I do, and I don't expect

anything in return.
[clicks tongue]

[both laugh]

- It's so nice to finally play
with someone

who gets the rules.
- Yeah!

- Okay.

Now, now,

everyone, can I please
have your attention?

I have no idea where Grace is,
probably in a bar.

Uh...

but I don't know for sure,
but since she's not here,

I feel compelled to throw
my hat into the ring.

- Damn you, Article 172!
[sighs]

- And speaking of Grace,
what kind of a person

throws a victory party
for herself

in her own office
for an election

and doesn't even show up?

What's that?

[raspy voice] "A crazy person!"

Sir, sir, that's not fair.

I don't like that one bit.

But I must say
that I do agree with you.

It is a little crazy.

- Who are you calling crazy?

This wackadoo locked me
out on a ledge,

and then I had to sit
on hawk eggs

and keep them warm,
and I sang to them,

and I loved them in my own way.

[breathing shakily]

And then the mommy hawk came
back, and did she thank me?

No...

♪

- Honey, cheer up.

You had to know
this was gonna happen.

- No, I didn't know
I was gonna win.

They knew I was corrupt,
and they voted for me anyway.

- Honey, they voted for you
because you're corrupt.

Where have you been?

- You know what?
I'm gonna redeem myself.

It'll take a lot of work,
but I'm up for the challenge.

- Stop moping.
You're President of the...

Helena Bonham Carter
something something.

♪

[knocking at door]

- McCoy?

- Look, I know I've been
going too fast.

And I know saying "I love you"
to someone

you've gone on two dates
with is crazy.

I went too far,
and I freaked you out.

Jack helped me realize that.

- Jack?
- Yeah.

- He said that relationships
are like cotton candy

and that I shouldn't
give up on us.

- Jack McFarland?

- Yeah.

He's a pretty deep guy.

- Jack McFarland,
the jumpy ferret-man

who lives across the hall?

- Yeah. Look, the truth is,

I've never been
in a real relationship before.

I don't really know how to be.

- Well, you're doing
pretty good right now.

- So what do you say?
Can we give it another shot?

- [clears throat] Yeah.
I'd like that.

But let's just take it slow.

Okay? Fewer gifts
and on-air declarations.

- Got it.

So... I'll call you.

- Where are you going?

- I thought you wanted
to take it slow?

- Let's talk about it tomorrow.

I'm in the mood
for cotton candy.