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1
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:07,388
- "Will & Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,426 --> 00:00:08,760
- This is exciting.
3
00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:10,766
You and me,
biking to work together.
4
00:00:10,814 --> 00:00:12,312
Why didn't we do this sooner?
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,663
- Well, A: We've never
worked near each other before.
6
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:17,496
And B: You're afraid of
7
00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:21,671
the truth-revealing properties
of Spandex.
8
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,302
- Speaking of which, what do
you have in your bike shorts?
9
00:00:24,350 --> 00:00:28,526
- You've been dying
to ask that for 30 years.
10
00:00:33,662 --> 00:00:36,253
I packed a banana for later.
11
00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:38,346
But guess what?
12
00:00:38,384 --> 00:00:41,523
I'm hungry now.
13
00:00:44,365 --> 00:00:47,744
You want a peach?
14
00:00:48,579 --> 00:00:52,341
- It's quite the fruit basket
you've got there.
15
00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:54,425
You know the best part
about teaching?
16
00:00:54,473 --> 00:00:55,769
I can ride my bike to work,
17
00:00:55,808 --> 00:00:57,650
'cause I don't have to
get all dressed up.
18
00:00:57,688 --> 00:00:59,945
- Or is the best part that
you're in a position of power
19
00:00:59,983 --> 00:01:02,114
and there's all these
hot, young guys around
20
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,707
and if you ask them out
they have to say yes
21
00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:06,002
or you'd fail them?
22
00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,586
- You do understand
the difference between
23
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:11,435
a law school and a porno
set in a law school, right?
24
00:01:11,474 --> 00:01:14,027
- Come on, there isn't
one teacher you wouldn't mind
25
00:01:14,066 --> 00:01:15,736
swapping briefs with?
26
00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:18,366
- Well, there's
this one guy Paul,
27
00:01:18,414 --> 00:01:19,786
teaches civil procedure.
28
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:21,419
He's been kind of
giving me a vibe lately.
29
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:26,017
- Okay, okay, so he's
a chubby chaser, that's good.
30
00:01:28,272 --> 00:01:30,855
- No, hooking up
with a coworker?
31
00:01:30,903 --> 00:01:34,993
It's frowned upon.
- It's frowned upon?
32
00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:38,793
Heavens no.
33
00:01:38,841 --> 00:01:41,011
Stop playing it so safe.
34
00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:44,477
You're in your early hundreds.
35
00:01:44,525 --> 00:01:48,701
Take a risk for once.
- I take risks.
36
00:01:48,739 --> 00:01:50,495
He is pretty cute.
Maybe you're right.
37
00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:51,753
- Have I ever been wrong?
38
00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:54,969
- Except always, almost never.
39
00:01:55,008 --> 00:01:56,716
- Exactly.
40
00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:59,730
Shall we?
- We shall.
41
00:01:59,768 --> 00:02:02,361
[footsteps clacking]
42
00:02:05,039 --> 00:02:06,997
[footsteps clack]
43
00:02:07,496 --> 00:02:10,385
[footsteps clacking]
44
00:02:16,942 --> 00:02:18,948
[rhythmic clacking]
45
00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:27,424
- Six, seven, now.
[footsteps clacking]
46
00:02:27,472 --> 00:02:30,515
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
47
00:02:30,563 --> 00:02:37,284
♪
48
00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:40,710
- Look, Melania,
I really appreciate
49
00:02:40,758 --> 00:02:41,882
you thinking of me,
50
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,310
and this guy sounds great, but
51
00:02:44,348 --> 00:02:46,230
I'm not ready to start dating.
52
00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,697
I just got a divorce, and--
53
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,118
No, it's super easy.
54
00:02:50,156 --> 00:02:53,084
You just have to
sign a few papers.
55
00:02:53,122 --> 00:02:55,292
Yeah, yeah,
I'll shoot you his info.
56
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:56,251
Okay.
57
00:02:56,299 --> 00:02:58,844
Be best, girl.
[phone beeps]
58
00:02:58,892 --> 00:03:02,693
That was your First Lady
trying to fix me up again.
59
00:03:02,732 --> 00:03:06,446
- Not sure we really trust
her taste in men.
60
00:03:06,494 --> 00:03:10,497
- Like she had a choice.
61
00:03:10,545 --> 00:03:13,214
- Maybe you should think
about getting back out there.
62
00:03:13,262 --> 00:03:15,844
- I'm not ready.
- Who is?
63
00:03:15,892 --> 00:03:18,062
Do you think I was ready
the first time I had sex
64
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,271
after Leo and I divorced?
65
00:03:19,319 --> 00:03:20,615
- Oh, huh, how about that?
66
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:23,956
Only took 45 seconds
to make it about you.
67
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,757
- I am not making it about me.
68
00:03:27,795 --> 00:03:30,301
So I was with this guy,
69
00:03:30,349 --> 00:03:33,353
and I shouted out "Leo!" in bed,
70
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:36,944
so I had to pretend that I was
telling him my astrological sign
71
00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:41,965
but his was Cancer,
so he shouts out "Cancer!"
72
00:03:42,003 --> 00:03:45,593
[laughs]
[snorts, laughs]
73
00:03:45,641 --> 00:03:47,724
[sighs]
74
00:03:47,772 --> 00:03:49,903
Wait,
what were we talking about?
75
00:03:49,941 --> 00:03:52,159
- Me.
- Oh, that's right.
76
00:03:52,197 --> 00:03:54,539
Look, all I'm trying to say
is that
77
00:03:54,578 --> 00:03:56,997
I thought I would
never be ready,
78
00:03:57,045 --> 00:03:59,887
but I forced myself
to get back on the horse.
79
00:03:59,925 --> 00:04:02,603
- I would like to
ride a horse again.
80
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,024
- Mm-hmm.
81
00:04:04,062 --> 00:04:05,311
- Stan was never allowed,
82
00:04:05,359 --> 00:04:09,448
for animal safety reasons.
83
00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:12,712
You know what?
I will go out with this guy.
84
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,553
And thank you, Grace.
85
00:04:15,591 --> 00:04:18,519
I don't want to end up like you.
86
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,065
- But I never said--
87
00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,107
You're welcome.
88
00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:25,200
[elevator dings]
89
00:04:25,238 --> 00:04:27,754
Ooh!
My new fabric from Istanbul!
90
00:04:27,792 --> 00:04:29,962
Oh, thank you, Richard.
91
00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:31,719
Or would you prefer "Rich"?
92
00:04:31,757 --> 00:04:36,192
- I prefer "Steve,"
because that's my name.
93
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,323
- Fair enough.
94
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,368
[soft laugh]
95
00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:42,124
Okay.
96
00:04:47,683 --> 00:04:50,774
- [exhales]
Thank God that's over.
97
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,108
I believe this is yours.
98
00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:53,528
- Malcolm, what
are you doing here?
99
00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,659
And why did you come
in a FedEx box?
100
00:04:55,698 --> 00:04:59,797
- 'Cause I absolutely positively
had to get here overnight.
101
00:04:59,835 --> 00:05:00,843
Where's Karen?
102
00:05:00,881 --> 00:05:02,177
- Actually, she's on a date.
103
00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:04,222
She got back on the horse
and I'm proud of her.
104
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,268
- Me too.
105
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:06,690
I know she couldn't
ride with Stan
106
00:05:06,728 --> 00:05:09,444
because of animal safety issues.
107
00:05:09,482 --> 00:05:11,029
[groans]
I have to see her, Grace.
108
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,083
For the last five months,
she's all I've thought about.
109
00:05:13,121 --> 00:05:15,876
I could barely waterboard
my target in Bahrain
110
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:19,725
because his screams reminded me
of our lovemaking.
111
00:05:19,764 --> 00:05:21,521
- Wait a minute, that's torture.
112
00:05:21,559 --> 00:05:22,893
- You have no idea.
113
00:05:22,941 --> 00:05:24,486
♪
114
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:26,320
.
115
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,077
[upbeat piano music]
116
00:05:28,115 --> 00:05:29,497
[elevator dings]
117
00:05:29,536 --> 00:05:31,130
[dog yaps]
118
00:05:31,168 --> 00:05:33,510
- Morning, bitches.
119
00:05:33,549 --> 00:05:35,603
- Jack McFarland.
120
00:05:35,641 --> 00:05:37,475
You don't remember me, do you?
121
00:05:37,523 --> 00:05:41,027
You remember my sister Zandra.
She was your acting teacher.
122
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,744
And I used to sub for her
whenever she fell prey to
123
00:05:43,792 --> 00:05:45,923
the tragic personal demons,
124
00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:50,011
and also when she played
Old Whore in "One Life to Live."
125
00:05:50,051 --> 00:05:51,644
- Zusanna?
126
00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:54,399
- She never saw the potential
in you that I saw.
127
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,280
I told her,
"Jack has that something
128
00:05:56,318 --> 00:05:58,200
"that's rare and precious
in an actor:
129
00:05:58,238 --> 00:06:00,245
His checks always clear."
130
00:06:00,292 --> 00:06:02,711
Ha-ha!
131
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:05,553
- "Zusanna's
Dog Walking Service?"
132
00:06:05,591 --> 00:06:07,262
Wait, so you're not
teaching anymore?
133
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,606
- Teaching? No.
134
00:06:08,644 --> 00:06:10,363
It robbed me of all
my creative energy.
135
00:06:10,401 --> 00:06:12,408
Teaching is for no-talent hacks.
136
00:06:12,446 --> 00:06:14,116
What are you doing
with yourself?
137
00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:17,331
- So I'm a teacher.
138
00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:20,758
Kind of half-teacher,
half-actor, you know.
139
00:06:20,807 --> 00:06:22,640
But I still
get health and dental.
140
00:06:22,678 --> 00:06:26,279
- Does Tom Cruise have dental?
141
00:06:26,317 --> 00:06:31,251
No, but he's such a good actor
you believe he has teeth.
142
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:37,471
You can't be
half an actor, Jack!
143
00:06:37,509 --> 00:06:41,148
- What's "hoff-en-octa-jock"?
144
00:06:41,187 --> 00:06:42,866
- Precisely.
145
00:06:42,904 --> 00:06:46,082
You must commit to your craft!
146
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,503
All right, I'll do it!
147
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:51,055
I'll temporarily unretire
and I'll teach you again.
148
00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:53,224
- Really?
- [laughing] Yeah.
149
00:06:53,262 --> 00:06:54,732
- I haven't had
an acting teacher
150
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,526
since I got kicked out of
my online master class
151
00:06:56,564 --> 00:06:59,157
with Manny from "Modern Family."
152
00:06:59,195 --> 00:07:01,950
- Well, I will drop by
the rec center later,
153
00:07:01,998 --> 00:07:04,839
and we will embark
on our journey together.
154
00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:07,719
My sister Zandra
said that teaching you
155
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:13,277
was like trying to teach
a donkey to curtsey.
156
00:07:13,316 --> 00:07:17,453
But I will consider it...
an honor.
157
00:07:17,491 --> 00:07:19,335
- Hey, how is Zandra,
by the way?
158
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:20,842
- She's no longer with us.
159
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,589
She was cleaning her gun,
160
00:07:22,637 --> 00:07:26,726
and she accidentally
fell out the window.
161
00:07:26,774 --> 00:07:32,198
Then six months later,
she had a heart attack and died.
162
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,757
- [breathing heavily]
163
00:07:36,796 --> 00:07:40,435
She--she's gone?
164
00:07:40,473 --> 00:07:43,401
Oh, my God, Zandra.
165
00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:44,697
[inhales sharply]
166
00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:46,491
[shrieking]
Zandra!
167
00:07:46,529 --> 00:07:48,911
[dogs bark]
168
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,173
[crying]
Why?
169
00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:54,929
[tearful muttering]
170
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,060
Oh, wait, I knew that.
171
00:07:57,098 --> 00:08:00,238
♪
172
00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:01,822
- Hey, Paul, you teaching today?
173
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,953
- Actually, they, uh,
moved my class right next door,
174
00:08:03,991 --> 00:08:05,921
so looks like we're neighbors.
175
00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:09,137
- Ohh, the gays
are taking over the hood.
176
00:08:09,175 --> 00:08:10,634
- All right, well, let me know
if you need anything
177
00:08:10,682 --> 00:08:12,477
from the boy next door.
178
00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:15,731
- Uh, Paul, you--
- Yeah?
179
00:08:15,779 --> 00:08:18,372
- Want to grab a drink sometime?
- Sure.
180
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:21,165
Wow, I just, uh--
I did not expect that from you.
181
00:08:21,213 --> 00:08:22,960
You kind of seem like
a "rule" guy.
182
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:25,053
- [scoffs] That was
a different Will Truman.
183
00:08:25,091 --> 00:08:28,144
That guy's got
a real stick up his ass.
184
00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:30,189
- Well, does this Will Truman
have a problem with
185
00:08:30,237 --> 00:08:31,983
faculty dating
being frowned upon?
186
00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:34,240
- Frowned upon?
Please.
187
00:08:34,288 --> 00:08:37,004
Who cares?
Not this guy.
188
00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:39,336
♪
189
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:41,266
- Hey.
How was the date?
190
00:08:41,304 --> 00:08:45,605
- I don't want to talk about it.
191
00:08:45,653 --> 00:08:49,953
All right, quit pestering me!
I'll tell you!
192
00:08:49,992 --> 00:08:52,459
He stood me up.
- Oh, Karen.
193
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:56,222
- I am done.
I have had two loves in my life.
194
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:59,601
One divorced me,
the other caused the divorce.
195
00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:01,358
That is it.
196
00:09:01,396 --> 00:09:03,902
- I saw Malcolm.
- What?
197
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:06,206
- He wants to
give it another shot.
198
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,289
Maybe you should think about it.
199
00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:10,218
- Absolutely not.
200
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:11,965
That man ruined my life.
201
00:09:12,013 --> 00:09:13,559
- Okay, okay, look, Karen,
202
00:09:13,597 --> 00:09:17,360
can I just give you
30 seconds of tough love?
203
00:09:17,398 --> 00:09:18,656
- Fine.
204
00:09:18,694 --> 00:09:24,502
But no car antennas
and stay away from the face.
205
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:28,640
- No!
No, Karen.
206
00:09:28,678 --> 00:09:29,849
- What--
207
00:09:29,897 --> 00:09:33,276
- People in healthy
relationships don't cheat.
208
00:09:33,314 --> 00:09:36,242
♪
209
00:09:37,913 --> 00:09:38,085
.
210
00:09:38,124 --> 00:09:40,130
[upbeat piano music]
211
00:09:40,169 --> 00:09:42,511
- Now, let's explore fear.
212
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:46,187
Show me a man
who's afraid of heights.
213
00:09:46,225 --> 00:09:48,107
Yes, yes, now show me a man
214
00:09:48,145 --> 00:09:50,113
who's afraid of
losing his lover.
215
00:09:50,152 --> 00:09:52,283
No, he's still
afraid of heights.
216
00:09:52,331 --> 00:09:53,953
Show me a man
who's afraid of birds!
217
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:55,960
- Birds?
- Of birds!
218
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:58,676
He's afraid of losing his lover.
Now he's afraid of heights.
219
00:09:58,724 --> 00:09:59,933
He's afraid of birds.
220
00:09:59,972 --> 00:10:01,604
He's afraid of
birds with his lover.
221
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:03,361
He's afraid of his lover
on the heights with the birds!
222
00:10:03,399 --> 00:10:04,733
Now he's afraid of his lover!
223
00:10:04,781 --> 00:10:07,325
Lover, lover, lover, lover,
lover, lover.
224
00:10:07,363 --> 00:10:10,628
Lover--now stop.
225
00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:12,585
Now what if I asked you
to show me a man
226
00:10:12,633 --> 00:10:15,178
who's biggest fear is that
he won't make it as an actor?
227
00:10:15,226 --> 00:10:17,434
A man who's taken a safe job
228
00:10:17,481 --> 00:10:19,440
so he doesn't have to
risk everything as an artist.
229
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,991
What would that look like?
230
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:25,497
- It would--
it would look like me.
231
00:10:25,545 --> 00:10:28,300
- That's right, a true artist
doesn't have a safety net.
232
00:10:28,338 --> 00:10:32,687
You have to ask yourself,
"Am I a teacher?
233
00:10:32,725 --> 00:10:38,034
Or am I an actor?"
234
00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:41,163
- I'm an actor.
- What?
235
00:10:41,211 --> 00:10:44,965
- I'm an actor.
- I don't believe you.
236
00:10:45,013 --> 00:10:46,847
- Hi, Mr. McFarland.
237
00:10:46,894 --> 00:10:49,102
- Mr. McFarland is dead, Felix!
238
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:52,740
He was your teacher.
I am an actor and only an actor!
239
00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:58,087
And from this day forward, I am
"Just Jack."
240
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:02,724
♪
241
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,432
- Hey.
- You ready?
242
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,940
- Definitely.
- Oh, good.
243
00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:07,860
I was, uh, kind of worried
you were gonna bail.
244
00:11:07,908 --> 00:11:09,789
- Crossed my mind for a second.
245
00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:11,872
But they say
when you're on your deathbed,
246
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,215
it's not the things you did
that you regret
247
00:11:14,253 --> 00:11:15,673
but the things you didn't do.
248
00:11:15,721 --> 00:11:18,937
And I don't want this to be
something that I didn't do.
249
00:11:18,976 --> 00:11:22,278
- I am flattered that I am
the thing that you want to do.
250
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:24,696
- [soft chuckle]
Let's get out of here.
251
00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:25,781
- You read my mind.
252
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:27,625
- There you are.
- Oh, Liam.
253
00:11:27,663 --> 00:11:29,046
Uh, hey.
- Hi.
254
00:11:29,084 --> 00:11:30,466
[kisses]
I was looking for you all over.
255
00:11:30,505 --> 00:11:32,098
- Oh, yeah, uh,
they moved my class.
256
00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:33,134
Wait, I thought you had
dinner with your sister?
257
00:11:33,182 --> 00:11:34,556
- She cancelled,
then Iris called
258
00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:35,813
to say she couldn't sit.
259
00:11:35,852 --> 00:11:36,898
Everything at once.
- Oh.
260
00:11:36,936 --> 00:11:38,693
- Hi, I'm Liam, Paul's husband.
261
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:39,951
- Will Truman.
[soft chuckle]
262
00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:43,080
Didn't tell me you had a child.
[chuckles]
263
00:11:43,128 --> 00:11:45,259
- I lost Lucy's bunny.
I need the backup bunny.
264
00:11:45,297 --> 00:11:46,632
- Oh, it's, uh, it's in my bag.
265
00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,091
- She's an angel.
266
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:50,807
- Would you
like to hold her, Will?
267
00:11:50,855 --> 00:11:51,940
- Definitely.
268
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,946
- Uh, we will be right back.
269
00:11:53,985 --> 00:11:55,492
- I didn't mean to
bother you at work.
270
00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:58,670
- No-no-no,
don't worry about it.
271
00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:01,838
- Don't look at me like that.
I didn't do anything.
272
00:12:01,886 --> 00:12:03,469
[baby whining]
Okay, yes.
273
00:12:03,507 --> 00:12:05,054
I--I agreed to meet with him.
274
00:12:05,101 --> 00:12:06,810
So I'm complicit.
You raise a good point.
275
00:12:06,857 --> 00:12:10,150
But, um, you know,
I'm not breaking any laws.
276
00:12:10,198 --> 00:12:11,447
Which is a weak defense
277
00:12:11,495 --> 00:12:12,953
with the word "ethics"
written behind you
278
00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:15,583
Fell right into your trap.
Hm.
279
00:12:15,632 --> 00:12:17,802
[sighs] Hope I never
have to face you in court.
280
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,097
You're relentless.
281
00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:20,307
- Thank you, Will.
282
00:12:20,345 --> 00:12:23,820
- Oh, oh, sure.
She's a sweetie.
283
00:12:23,858 --> 00:12:25,155
- Okay then.
284
00:12:25,193 --> 00:12:26,661
I'll see you at home later?
- Okay.
285
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:29,119
- I love you.
- Mm, I love you too.
286
00:12:32,507 --> 00:12:34,341
Well, that was awkward.
287
00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:37,106
- You think?
- [soft chuckle]
288
00:12:37,144 --> 00:12:38,651
- You guys have an arrangement
or?
289
00:12:38,689 --> 00:12:42,030
- Uh, yeah, if I get caught,
he arranges my murder.
290
00:12:42,079 --> 00:12:45,207
Drink?
- No!
291
00:12:45,246 --> 00:12:47,800
You have a husband and a baby.
292
00:12:47,838 --> 00:12:49,509
And not just any
husband and a baby
293
00:12:49,557 --> 00:12:51,178
but a husband
who clearly loves you
294
00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:54,231
and a baby who arguably
has the greatest legal mind
295
00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:56,698
of any baby in our time.
296
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:58,906
- I thought you said
that you were a risk-taker.
297
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:01,373
- Well, I'm not.
298
00:13:01,421 --> 00:13:02,842
I'm a classic rule-follower.
299
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,299
That's why I like the law.
It's all about the rules.
300
00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,094
- Come on, you know
it's different with two guys.
301
00:13:07,142 --> 00:13:10,061
We make our own rules.
- No, we don't.
302
00:13:10,109 --> 00:13:11,030
I don't.
303
00:13:11,069 --> 00:13:11,990
You know,
we spend all these years
304
00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:13,324
saying marriage is marriage
305
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,206
and love is love
till we were blue in the face.
306
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,836
And now that we finally have
what we were fighting for,
307
00:13:17,874 --> 00:13:20,304
we say cheating
is not always cheating?
308
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:23,769
I mean, that just seems like
cheating.
309
00:13:25,314 --> 00:13:27,407
Sorry, Paul, I...
[sighs]
310
00:13:27,445 --> 00:13:30,248
- See you around the hood.
311
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,090
[school bell rings]
312
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:38,264
- Oh, damn it.
313
00:13:38,312 --> 00:13:40,020
♪
314
00:13:41,528 --> 00:13:41,653
.
315
00:13:41,691 --> 00:13:43,985
[upbeat piano music]
316
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,453
- What is he doing here?
317
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,038
- She didn't specify
where I had to be
318
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,458
at the time the call took place.
319
00:13:48,497 --> 00:13:51,847
- I will talk to you
or be in the same room with you,
320
00:13:51,885 --> 00:13:53,642
but I will not do both.
321
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,476
- Fine.
- Fine.
322
00:13:55,524 --> 00:13:57,981
- And I have gotten zero
done today,
323
00:13:58,029 --> 00:13:59,987
so I will be in my office.
324
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:01,917
- Grace, wait.
Please stay.
325
00:14:01,955 --> 00:14:04,249
Karen and I have a long history
of using a middleman
326
00:14:04,297 --> 00:14:06,045
to overcome obstacles.
327
00:14:06,093 --> 00:14:09,011
In 2017, when we couldn't touch,
328
00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:12,150
we both kissed Smitty.
329
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:15,827
- In 2012, when we promised
not to see each other anymore,
330
00:14:15,865 --> 00:14:20,962
we had virtual sex as orcs
in "World of Warcraft."
331
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:23,592
- When we cut off
all communication in 2007,
332
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,810
I gave her a shout-out
by ghostwriting the song
333
00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:30,610
"Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado
featuring Timbaland.
334
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,155
Be our middleman, Grace.
335
00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:35,544
- It could work,
because in the middle,
336
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,798
you resemble a man.
337
00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:44,730
- Fine.
338
00:14:44,778 --> 00:14:47,121
[sighs]
339
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:51,248
You want me to say that?
- Yeah.
340
00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:55,895
- "Karen, I can't
stop thinking about
341
00:14:55,933 --> 00:15:00,858
"your sweet, sweet lady-nest.
342
00:15:00,906 --> 00:15:04,745
It is the only place
I truly feel home."
343
00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:14,191
No, I'm not saying that.
- [yaps]
344
00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:22,005
- "And I have thought,
once or twice,
345
00:15:22,044 --> 00:15:27,016
"about your... skin missile...
346
00:15:29,272 --> 00:15:35,915
"And your
targeted carpet bombing
347
00:15:35,954 --> 00:15:37,710
"and the things
you let me do to you
348
00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:41,722
that no man has ever
let me do before."
349
00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:05,453
- "Like what?"
350
00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:17,067
Wait--what am I doing?
Enough!
351
00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:21,867
How are you two even alive?
352
00:16:23,874 --> 00:16:27,176
Why don't the two of you
just make up already?
353
00:16:27,214 --> 00:16:29,269
- He told Stan about our affair.
354
00:16:29,307 --> 00:16:30,229
- When you cut me
out of your life,
355
00:16:30,267 --> 00:16:31,524
I felt like I was drowning.
356
00:16:31,563 --> 00:16:33,732
And I love you desperately,
Karen,
357
00:16:33,780 --> 00:16:35,988
like Mark Antony
loved Cleopatra.
358
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,745
He threw away the world for her,
359
00:16:37,783 --> 00:16:40,125
because an empire
without her by his side
360
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:41,595
was a prison.
361
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,140
- Oh, Malcolm.
362
00:16:43,178 --> 00:16:49,197
Your words give me feelings
in my... heart area.
363
00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:50,531
But no.
364
00:16:50,570 --> 00:16:51,913
You ruined my marriage
365
00:16:51,952 --> 00:16:53,910
and I don't think
I could ever forget that.
366
00:16:53,958 --> 00:16:56,752
- But you could forgive him.
367
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,595
Look, obviously,
368
00:16:58,634 --> 00:17:03,068
on some deeply weird level,
369
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:07,407
the two of you are
meant for each other.
370
00:17:07,455 --> 00:17:10,585
But without forgiveness,
371
00:17:10,623 --> 00:17:14,136
the past never stops hurting.
372
00:17:14,175 --> 00:17:16,354
It stays with you,
373
00:17:16,392 --> 00:17:21,614
like Fergie's performance
of the national anthem.
374
00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:26,798
[door opens]
375
00:17:26,836 --> 00:17:28,881
[door shuts]
376
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,298
- Excuse me, miss?
377
00:17:44,337 --> 00:17:49,856
Is this Grace Adler Designs?
378
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:52,275
- Why, yes it is.
How can I help you?
379
00:17:52,323 --> 00:17:54,992
- Well, I'm looking for a sunny
little piece for my apartment
380
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,835
and I think I may have
just found it.
381
00:17:56,874 --> 00:17:58,419
- Karen Walker.
382
00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:01,174
- Malcolm Widmark.
[kisses]
383
00:18:01,222 --> 00:18:02,767
Uh, there's a place
around the corner that keeps
384
00:18:02,806 --> 00:18:05,360
a bottle of
Château Lafite Rothschild
385
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:06,483
at the bar for me.
386
00:18:06,521 --> 00:18:11,330
Do you drink?
- A widdle.
387
00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:14,009
- I'd like to
get to know you better.
388
00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:15,381
If I'm being too forward,
389
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:19,394
I truly hope
that you'll forgive me.
390
00:18:21,736 --> 00:18:25,739
- I forgive you.
391
00:18:27,832 --> 00:18:34,513
♪
392
00:18:34,561 --> 00:18:35,684
- Felix!
393
00:18:35,732 --> 00:18:39,735
You are unencumbered
by ability and talent.
394
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:40,992
Go out and take yourself a lover
395
00:18:41,031 --> 00:18:42,749
so you can bring
something to this.
396
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,379
Right now, take a lover,
a big ole lover.
397
00:18:45,418 --> 00:18:48,134
Go.
[groans]
398
00:18:48,182 --> 00:18:53,568
I want to see scars!
399
00:18:53,606 --> 00:18:54,614
- Zusanna?
400
00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:56,496
- Jack, what are you doing here?
401
00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:58,828
- I came to ask Theodore
for my job back.
402
00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,633
I can't lose my dental.
403
00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:04,098
When you slapped me,
you knocked a tooth loose.
404
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:08,188
I swallowed it
on my bus ride home.
405
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,536
What are you doing here?
406
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:15,589
- Well, I work here.
I'm your replacement.
407
00:19:15,627 --> 00:19:17,883
- But you said teaching here--
408
00:19:17,921 --> 00:19:20,888
Wait a minute, you manipulated
me to steal my job?
409
00:19:20,936 --> 00:19:24,363
- Jack, I needed insurance.
So I spun a little tale.
410
00:19:24,401 --> 00:19:27,867
I created a conflict between us
for the greater purpose.
411
00:19:27,915 --> 00:19:29,786
You know what that's called?
412
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:33,636
Acting, Jack.
413
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:36,727
- Oh, that's "octing-jock."
414
00:19:36,765 --> 00:19:38,896
- Yes, it's you, my boy.
415
00:19:38,935 --> 00:19:42,112
That was your first lesson and
you passed with flying colors.
416
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,706
- I did?
- Yes.
417
00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:46,547
You faced your fear
and you leapt into the unknown.
418
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:50,262
A man at your age
and with your limited talent,
419
00:19:50,301 --> 00:19:54,150
it's the greatest leap
I've ever seen.
420
00:19:54,188 --> 00:19:55,609
Oh, Jack.
421
00:19:55,648 --> 00:19:59,996
You know, sometimes I think
of you as the son I never had.
422
00:20:00,034 --> 00:20:03,711
- Do you mean that?
- Yeah--[soft groan]
423
00:20:03,759 --> 00:20:05,468
- I still need money
to go to the dentist though.
424
00:20:05,506 --> 00:20:08,607
- Well, lucky for you,
I know a job opening
425
00:20:08,645 --> 00:20:12,235
that will pay you just enough
to keep you out of poverty
426
00:20:12,284 --> 00:20:16,411
but not nearly enough
to make you feel secure.
427
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:17,669
♪
428
00:20:17,707 --> 00:20:19,089
- I have to pee.
[dogs yapping]
429
00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:21,595
I have to--I let you pee!
I am the alpha!
30743
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