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- "Will & Grace"
is shot before
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00:00:07,030 --> 00:00:08,873
a live studio audience.
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00:00:08,911 --> 00:00:10,630
- Well, I'm off
to Divorce Attorney.
4
00:00:10,668 --> 00:00:13,048
Wish me money.
5
00:00:13,087 --> 00:00:14,804
- So, you and Stan
are really over?
6
00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:16,052
- Yep.
- Do you wanna talk?
7
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,474
- Why?
8
00:00:17,522 --> 00:00:19,565
- Must have all kinds
of feelings.
9
00:00:24,366 --> 00:00:26,583
Is it the word "feelings"
that's bumping you?
10
00:00:26,621 --> 00:00:28,464
- Honey, feelings are
for poor people
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00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:30,681
and the liberals who love them.
12
00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:34,146
- Okay, but, you know,
13
00:00:34,185 --> 00:00:38,360
I'm here if you ever
change your...personality.
14
00:00:39,742 --> 00:00:41,661
- What up, Smudge?
- [screams]
15
00:00:43,332 --> 00:00:45,300
- Heads up.
Your sister's here.
16
00:00:47,344 --> 00:00:48,976
- Uh, when were you
gonna tell me?
17
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,983
- [screams]
- [screams] What?
18
00:00:53,449 --> 00:00:55,369
- I just saw
what you're wearing.
19
00:00:58,287 --> 00:01:00,965
[stammers slightly]
20
00:01:04,478 --> 00:01:05,975
It's pretty.
21
00:01:06,023 --> 00:01:08,855
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
22
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:15,833
♪
23
00:01:18,051 --> 00:01:19,759
- Janet, did you sleep here?
- Yeah, well,
24
00:01:19,807 --> 00:01:21,688
you were such a douche about
me staying at your place.
25
00:01:21,727 --> 00:01:23,185
- Well, that's because
the last time,
26
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,154
you brought that weird
guy with the anxiety rat.
27
00:01:25,192 --> 00:01:28,331
- Uh, that's a real thing.
That rat has his own bus seat.
28
00:01:29,953 --> 00:01:31,623
Did you ever find it?
29
00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:38,688
- What do you mean,
did I ever find it?
30
00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:43,238
- Never mind.
31
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,371
- Janet, you gotta
get out of here.
32
00:01:44,409 --> 00:01:46,002
I've got a client coming.
33
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,085
- I'm in crisis, Smudge--
not that you asked.
34
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:49,803
Frank's cheating on me.
- Janet...
35
00:01:49,841 --> 00:01:51,473
- If I had any balls,
I'd tell him it's over,
36
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,729
but his wife just got back
from active duty.
37
00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:58,490
- I'm sure they'll both
thank you for your service.
38
00:01:58,528 --> 00:02:02,291
[upbeat piano music]
39
00:02:02,329 --> 00:02:03,961
- Good night, Mr. Truman.
40
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,255
- Really?
"Mr. Truman" is so formal.
41
00:02:06,303 --> 00:02:09,729
Call me William, guys,
or Professor Truman...[laughs]
42
00:02:09,768 --> 00:02:12,859
- But you're not a full Profe--
- Good night, Jill.
43
00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:16,075
- Oh, hey, kids.
Yeah.
44
00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:19,252
Swell of you to visit the
elderly in your spare time.
45
00:02:21,546 --> 00:02:23,388
Another study group?
46
00:02:23,427 --> 00:02:25,309
- I like being the teacher all
the kids wanna hang out with.
47
00:02:25,347 --> 00:02:28,360
- Yeah, no, they seemed
really eager to stay.
48
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:30,108
- I'll have you know
they invited me
49
00:02:30,156 --> 00:02:31,787
to a warehouse party.
50
00:02:31,825 --> 00:02:33,707
- Ooh, a rave, yeah.
51
00:02:33,746 --> 00:02:36,126
Remember those nights?
All those hot guys?
52
00:02:36,174 --> 00:02:38,804
- Yeah, you dancing along on a
box in nothing but short shorts
53
00:02:38,842 --> 00:02:41,933
and a retainer?
54
00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:45,523
- And you with your little
baggy of orange slices?
55
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:50,293
♪ Key change
56
00:02:50,332 --> 00:02:51,503
Check it out.
57
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:52,924
- You bought
your wedding rings?
58
00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:54,258
- I did.
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00:02:54,297 --> 00:02:57,061
First ring I'll ever wear
on my finger.
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00:02:57,099 --> 00:02:59,393
- You and Estefan are
really getting married.
61
00:02:59,441 --> 00:03:00,813
- Our time has come.
62
00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:02,532
Before I was ready
to settle down,
63
00:03:02,571 --> 00:03:04,740
I just had to get a couple
guys out of my system.
64
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,589
And then in my system.
- Mm-hmm.
65
00:03:09,884 --> 00:03:11,843
- And then back out
of my system.
66
00:03:16,316 --> 00:03:19,781
- You wrote, "To my soulmate"
inside his ring.
67
00:03:19,829 --> 00:03:21,326
- Well, he is...
[chuckles]
68
00:03:21,374 --> 00:03:24,129
Never thought I'd meet
my soulmate, but I did.
69
00:03:24,168 --> 00:03:25,675
- Well, I'm gonna cry.
70
00:03:25,713 --> 00:03:26,922
- Maybe you should
save your tears
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00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:28,218
until you get your Amex bill.
72
00:03:28,266 --> 00:03:30,685
[both laugh]
73
00:03:30,723 --> 00:03:32,816
I kid!
74
00:03:32,854 --> 00:03:34,275
...You not.
75
00:03:34,323 --> 00:03:36,530
♪
76
00:03:36,578 --> 00:03:38,211
- Listen, Grace,
I've already been here
77
00:03:38,249 --> 00:03:39,497
longer than I wanna be here,
so let's wrap this up.
78
00:03:39,545 --> 00:03:41,042
I've got ten minutes.
- [stammers]
79
00:03:41,090 --> 00:03:42,213
Wait, I have
so much to show you.
80
00:03:42,261 --> 00:03:44,095
- Nine.
- Oh, okay, I understand.
81
00:03:44,143 --> 00:03:46,935
Um, I've got some--
some fun paint ideas
82
00:03:46,974 --> 00:03:48,903
that I'm gonna show you,
and this time, I am confident
83
00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:51,994
that it won't give you,
as you put it, eye herpes.
84
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:53,492
[door shuts]
- Hey, Grace.
85
00:03:53,540 --> 00:03:56,332
How dark is pee supposed to be?
86
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:57,714
Oh, sorry.
87
00:03:57,753 --> 00:03:59,471
- Don't be.
That's a legitimate question.
88
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:02,687
It's supposed to be
the color of pale hay.
89
00:04:02,726 --> 00:04:06,066
- Then I should see a doctor.
90
00:04:06,114 --> 00:04:08,033
- You're adorable.
Who are you?
91
00:04:08,071 --> 00:04:09,329
- Janet.
- Janet.
92
00:04:09,367 --> 00:04:12,881
That's a beautiful name.
93
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,091
Have a drink with me.
94
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,722
- Sure, but I'm straight.
- Are you?
95
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,728
- Yes, yes.
- Are you? Are you?
96
00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:19,859
- You tell me.
97
00:04:19,898 --> 00:04:23,823
♪
98
00:04:23,862 --> 00:04:25,407
- What is this?
99
00:04:25,455 --> 00:04:27,087
Chocolate milk?
100
00:04:27,125 --> 00:04:29,717
Guess one of the kids
must have left it.
101
00:04:29,755 --> 00:04:31,051
You know what?
102
00:04:31,089 --> 00:04:32,260
I'm doing it...
[laughs]
103
00:04:32,308 --> 00:04:34,852
This is our rave.
104
00:04:34,890 --> 00:04:37,358
I'll drop one bread
and two fats tomorrow.
105
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:40,995
Oh, mmm.
- Gimme some.
106
00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:46,879
- Takes you back, right?
107
00:04:46,927 --> 00:04:49,308
- Yeah, totally.
108
00:04:49,346 --> 00:04:51,525
- Hey, you need to do something
about your doorman.
109
00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:54,318
He's a little handsy.
- We don't have a doorman.
110
00:04:55,575 --> 00:04:57,908
- Oh, makes sense.
111
00:04:57,956 --> 00:05:01,921
What kind of doorman would
test people for colon cancer?
112
00:05:05,808 --> 00:05:07,939
- So, did you have time to
look over my divorce papers?
113
00:05:07,977 --> 00:05:09,859
- Oh, yeah, uh,
114
00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:12,412
looks like Stan
got the cabin in Vermont,
115
00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:14,293
but you got Vermont.
116
00:05:14,331 --> 00:05:17,671
- Suck it, New England...
[growls]
117
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,553
- Jack used to have
a tank top that said that.
118
00:05:19,591 --> 00:05:22,480
- Oh?
119
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,189
So, now what?
120
00:05:24,228 --> 00:05:26,023
I just sign these
and that's it?
121
00:05:26,071 --> 00:05:27,741
- Pretty much.
122
00:05:27,779 --> 00:05:29,833
Once you've done that, you're
no longer Mrs. Stanley Walker.
123
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,502
- Hm, it's that easy...
[chuckles]
124
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,836
- You okay?
125
00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:35,593
You gotta be struggling
with how hard this is.
126
00:05:35,631 --> 00:05:38,683
- I had a tank top
that said that too.
127
00:05:40,315 --> 00:05:42,023
- Good Lord,
why is everybody
128
00:05:42,071 --> 00:05:43,905
making such a big deal
out of this?
129
00:05:43,953 --> 00:05:46,832
What, do you want me to sing
a torch song or something?
130
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:49,798
I'm fine.
- Oh, Karen.
131
00:05:49,837 --> 00:05:52,342
I know this is hard to swallow.
132
00:05:52,390 --> 00:05:55,730
Yes, a T-shirt...
[mumbles]
133
00:05:55,769 --> 00:05:58,024
- [scoffs]
It's a piece of paper.
134
00:05:58,072 --> 00:05:59,569
It doesn't mean anything.
135
00:05:59,617 --> 00:06:03,707
It's like a
restraining order, or...
136
00:06:03,745 --> 00:06:07,172
the Constitution.
137
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:11,232
- Are you sure you're okay?
138
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,353
- Honey, I am better than ever,
139
00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:15,197
and I'm ready
for my second act.
140
00:06:15,235 --> 00:06:16,703
- Now,
that's a great attitude
141
00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:17,999
to take into
your next 100 years.
142
00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:19,957
- Ah.
143
00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:22,127
Ooh, is this choc-y milk?
144
00:06:22,175 --> 00:06:24,968
- You drink chocolate milk?
145
00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:27,147
- It's my own vice.
146
00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:32,032
Shh.
147
00:06:32,071 --> 00:06:35,248
I'd love to stick around, but
we all know that's not true.
148
00:06:36,294 --> 00:06:38,799
[door slams]
- God, this stuff is addictive.
149
00:06:38,838 --> 00:06:41,305
I don't remember chocolate milk
being so good.
150
00:06:41,343 --> 00:06:43,474
- Will...
151
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,068
I feel kind of funny.
152
00:07:01,107 --> 00:07:03,238
Wait, those kids
were going out to party.
153
00:07:03,276 --> 00:07:04,659
Do you think they put
something in this?
154
00:07:04,697 --> 00:07:06,540
- No, they're law students.
155
00:07:06,578 --> 00:07:07,998
They wouldn't
do anything illegal.
156
00:07:08,037 --> 00:07:09,506
- Oh, okay...
[laughs softly]
157
00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:10,802
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
158
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,808
I gotta get that butterfly
off your shoulder.
159
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:17,569
- Thanks...
[chuckles]
160
00:07:17,607 --> 00:07:19,613
Must have come from over there.
161
00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:26,217
I don't remember putting in
a butterfly door,
162
00:07:26,255 --> 00:07:27,926
but I like it.
163
00:07:31,602 --> 00:07:31,775
.
164
00:07:31,813 --> 00:07:35,029
- ♪ Ha-ba-da,
bee-ba-da ♪
165
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:37,448
Oh, street meat.
166
00:07:37,496 --> 00:07:40,087
It's my one vice.
Shh.
167
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,094
One, please.
168
00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:45,971
[mystical music]
169
00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:48,726
Huh, that's unusual.
170
00:07:48,774 --> 00:07:55,541
♪
171
00:07:56,501 --> 00:07:58,047
Oh, crap.
172
00:07:58,085 --> 00:08:01,223
I forgot
I was performing tonight.
173
00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:04,228
Oh, thanks, honey.
174
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,608
Testing, testing.
Is this thing on?
175
00:08:06,656 --> 00:08:08,653
Check, check, one.
Check, one, two.
176
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,168
[upbeat piano music]
177
00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:13,087
- So, shall we look at fabrics?
- Hold on.
178
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,796
I want my girlfriend
to weigh in.
179
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:16,264
- Of course. I didn't know
you were seeing anyone.
180
00:08:16,303 --> 00:08:17,935
- She's new.
Babe!
181
00:08:17,973 --> 00:08:19,432
Never been good
at relationships,
182
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,235
probably 'cause I'm a bitch.
183
00:08:22,273 --> 00:08:24,577
- Okay, so, for the sofa,
I was thinking that--
184
00:08:24,615 --> 00:08:26,075
- What up, Smudge?
185
00:08:26,123 --> 00:08:27,159
- Janet,
what are you doing here?
186
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,173
- Her.
187
00:08:30,211 --> 00:08:32,678
- You have got
to be kidding me.
188
00:08:32,716 --> 00:08:34,138
- I'm a lesbian now.
189
00:08:34,186 --> 00:08:36,066
Deal with it.
190
00:08:36,105 --> 00:08:38,946
- [gagging]
191
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:41,826
- [scatting and vocalizing]
192
00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:43,496
[jazzy piano music playing]
193
00:08:47,546 --> 00:08:49,053
- Poor thing.
194
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,973
- [continues scatting]
195
00:08:51,021 --> 00:08:52,893
- I'm gonna take her shoes.
196
00:08:52,941 --> 00:08:56,119
[mellow piano music]
197
00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:04,556
- Your skin is so soft.
198
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:08,270
It's so...soft.
199
00:09:08,309 --> 00:09:09,566
It's so, like--
200
00:09:09,604 --> 00:09:11,400
what is the word
I'm thinking of?
201
00:09:11,448 --> 00:09:13,914
- Soft?
- Yes!
202
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,371
You always find the word.
203
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:18,339
- I know so many words.
204
00:09:18,378 --> 00:09:19,674
- Like what?
205
00:09:19,721 --> 00:09:21,891
- Cassoulet...
206
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,147
oh, I know there are others.
207
00:09:24,185 --> 00:09:25,903
- It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
208
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,487
Words are just
things people say.
209
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,366
- Yes, yes, yes.
It's like we're beyond words.
210
00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:33,130
- Those are words.
211
00:09:33,169 --> 00:09:35,424
- "Soulmate."
There's a word.
212
00:09:35,463 --> 00:09:37,431
It's like that's the
biggest word there is--
213
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:38,937
not in terms of letters--
214
00:09:38,976 --> 00:09:41,193
Cassoulet is longer--
but the idea.
215
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,901
- Yeah.
- What is a soulmate?
216
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:46,617
- Soulmate, soulmate.
Hey, let's look at the word.
217
00:09:46,665 --> 00:09:48,873
Let's look at it.
- Huh?
218
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,925
Oh, air-finger cursive.
219
00:09:51,964 --> 00:09:54,267
It's a lost art.
220
00:09:54,306 --> 00:09:57,646
- Right?
Write?
221
00:09:57,694 --> 00:09:59,776
- Right? [mouths]
- [chuckles]
222
00:09:59,824 --> 00:10:03,040
Soulmate--a soulmate
is someone who knows you
223
00:10:03,078 --> 00:10:05,545
better than anyone,
who takes care of you,
224
00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:09,049
someone who knows what
you need before you e--
225
00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:14,779
Why did you just hand me...
[sneezes]
226
00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:16,488
A tissue?
227
00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:18,456
Are you my soulmate?
228
00:10:20,711 --> 00:10:23,380
- I might be.
How would we know for sure?
229
00:10:23,428 --> 00:10:26,682
- [exhales]
230
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,358
Whoever this ring fits,
231
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,739
is my soulmate.
232
00:10:34,245 --> 00:10:36,837
- Ow.
Ow.
233
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,421
Ow...
[gasps]
234
00:10:38,460 --> 00:10:40,091
It fits!
235
00:10:40,129 --> 00:10:44,516
♪
236
00:10:44,564 --> 00:10:46,272
- Okay, okay,
this is happening.
237
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,741
- Told you she'd be
weird about it.
238
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,363
She doesn't want to think
about her sister having sex.
239
00:10:49,411 --> 00:10:52,330
- Well, who does, besides
Angelina Jolie's brother?
240
00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:55,381
- This conversation makes me
wanna do heroin again.
241
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,091
Let's look at fabrics.
242
00:10:57,138 --> 00:10:59,183
- Yes, fabrics.
Of course.
243
00:10:59,222 --> 00:11:01,602
Um, and I also brought
some new carpet samples--
244
00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:03,195
- She's already seen
a new carpet sample.
245
00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:05,326
- Soon as it came out
of my mouth.
246
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:06,746
♪
247
00:11:06,785 --> 00:11:08,542
- How did we not
notice this before?
248
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:09,924
- My soulmate was
right across the hall!
249
00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:11,469
- Mine too!
250
00:11:11,507 --> 00:11:13,638
I mean, it's so obvious.
We finish each other's--
251
00:11:13,677 --> 00:11:17,065
- Penises.
- That's what I was gonna say.
252
00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:18,899
- Okay, what am I thinking
right now?
253
00:11:18,947 --> 00:11:22,200
- I'm not getting anything.
- I wasn't thinking anything!
254
00:11:22,238 --> 00:11:24,580
Do you know what this means?
Do you know what this means?
255
00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:26,587
I have to tell Estefan you're
my soulmate before I marry him.
256
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:28,046
- He'll totally understand.
Call him now.
257
00:11:28,095 --> 00:11:29,764
- Oh, okay.
Excellent.
258
00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:31,434
I just have to wait for that
rabbit to get off the phone.
259
00:11:31,472 --> 00:11:34,736
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
260
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:36,282
Wanda, Wanda, listen, no.
261
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,286
You're the one who wanted
an open relationship.
262
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,543
- Oh, I'm so glad
you're my soulmate.
263
00:11:40,582 --> 00:11:42,003
- Me too.
264
00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:43,299
- I'm gonna make you
a sandwich.
265
00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:45,007
- I don't want a sandwich.
- Excuse me?
266
00:11:45,055 --> 00:11:46,812
I said I don't need you
to make me a sandwich.
267
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,357
- Of course you do.
I take care of you.
268
00:11:48,395 --> 00:11:51,063
I'm your soulmate.
- I already ate with Estefan.
269
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,867
- Well, just un-eat with him.
270
00:11:53,905 --> 00:11:55,076
- I refuse!
271
00:11:55,124 --> 00:11:56,794
- You bitch!
272
00:12:03,101 --> 00:12:04,435
Get out!
I never wanna see you again.
273
00:12:04,483 --> 00:12:06,441
- I never wanna be seen by you!
274
00:12:09,368 --> 00:12:09,531
.
275
00:12:09,570 --> 00:12:11,701
[mellow piano music]
276
00:12:11,749 --> 00:12:14,378
- Hey, babe, what are we
feeling about the wall color?
277
00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:15,501
- Why?
Do we think it's too dark?
278
00:12:15,549 --> 00:12:16,923
- I think we might.
279
00:12:16,971 --> 00:12:18,468
- Oh, I think
we think it works.
280
00:12:18,516 --> 00:12:20,224
And how about we leave the
designing to the designer
281
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,778
instead of the woman who thinks
the paper flip-flops you get
282
00:12:22,816 --> 00:12:25,868
after a pedicure are okay
to wear synagogue?
283
00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:27,078
- That's homophobic.
284
00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:28,624
- Uh, okay.
It's not.
285
00:12:28,662 --> 00:12:30,380
And you are not a lesbian.
286
00:12:30,418 --> 00:12:33,221
You're an Adler.
We don't work that hard.
287
00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:34,517
I'm sorry.
288
00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:37,435
Donna, my sister is
just as straight as I am.
289
00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:39,988
- Are you? Are you? Are you?
- Yes, yes.
290
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:43,578
- Watch out.
This is where it happens.
291
00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,171
[doorbell rings]
- Oh, that must be
292
00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:48,137
my intervention
I keep rescheduling.
293
00:12:48,176 --> 00:12:50,182
You always think
you're gonna have time.
294
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,602
[applause]
295
00:12:51,641 --> 00:12:52,851
- Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
296
00:12:52,899 --> 00:12:54,396
Thank you so much.
297
00:12:54,444 --> 00:12:57,487
Benny and I are going to
take it down a notch.
298
00:12:57,535 --> 00:12:59,665
This one is for my man...
299
00:12:59,703 --> 00:13:01,125
[moody piano tune]
300
00:13:01,163 --> 00:13:03,591
The one that got away.
301
00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:07,057
- Jack?
Jack!
302
00:13:07,095 --> 00:13:09,312
- [sobbing]
Will, Will!
303
00:13:09,351 --> 00:13:10,896
Will!
- I'm over here.
304
00:13:10,944 --> 00:13:12,777
- Will, I was so lost.
305
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,908
- What's happening to us?
306
00:13:14,956 --> 00:13:17,797
- I don't know.
307
00:13:17,836 --> 00:13:19,880
But I don't feel comfortable
talking about it
308
00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:21,598
in front of her.
309
00:13:23,854 --> 00:13:25,601
- Praise be.
- Under his eye.
310
00:13:25,649 --> 00:13:27,694
[upbeat piano music]
311
00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:29,325
- What are you doing?
312
00:13:29,364 --> 00:13:32,118
Just because you go out
with guys without jobs, cars,
313
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:34,921
or all of their fingers
doesn't make you gay.
314
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,802
- Why can't you
be happy for me?
315
00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:39,558
- Because, honestly, I think
that this is a little pathetic.
316
00:13:39,596 --> 00:13:40,729
- I am not pathetic.
317
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:42,648
You say I'm not pathetic.
- No.
318
00:13:42,686 --> 00:13:43,819
- Pick a city.
- No!
319
00:13:43,858 --> 00:13:45,029
- Pick a city!
- Philadelphia.
320
00:13:45,077 --> 00:13:48,292
- P-H-I-L-A--
- Ow, ow, ow, ow.
321
00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:51,460
- [whimpers]
Why don't I ever say LA?
322
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,261
Fine!
Be a lesbian.
323
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:58,898
Have a Pussy Riot!
Whatever.
324
00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,154
Just don't screw up
this job for me.
325
00:14:01,192 --> 00:14:03,582
- How am I screwing it up?
- Because it's what you do.
326
00:14:03,622 --> 00:14:06,549
You always make my life
so difficult.
327
00:14:06,587 --> 00:14:09,342
I mean, my God,
you are my older sister.
328
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,645
You're supposed to be
the one to take care of me.
329
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,479
- It's true.
I'm a terrible big sister.
330
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:15,773
- Come on, Janet.
- What? I am.
331
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,451
And I hate that.
332
00:14:18,489 --> 00:14:20,831
When you were born, mom put
you in my arms and said,
333
00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:22,876
"This is your baby.
334
00:14:22,924 --> 00:14:24,969
You have to take care of her."
335
00:14:25,007 --> 00:14:26,975
And I wanted to.
336
00:14:27,014 --> 00:14:28,981
I loved you so much.
337
00:14:29,019 --> 00:14:32,570
- You put me into a basket
and threw me into a pond.
338
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,038
- That's what Moses' mom did.
339
00:14:35,076 --> 00:14:37,207
I was trying to give you
a better life.
340
00:14:42,179 --> 00:14:44,310
- You are not a failure.
- [scoffs]
341
00:14:44,349 --> 00:14:46,816
- If anything, I am.
342
00:14:46,854 --> 00:14:49,321
Mom said,
"Life is harder for Janet.
343
00:14:49,369 --> 00:14:51,701
Be kind to her."
344
00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:53,496
And I haven't been.
345
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:57,010
Look, if you are a lesbian,
I will support you happily.
346
00:14:57,048 --> 00:14:59,476
- I don't know if I am...
[sighs]
347
00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:01,809
Donna's cool.
348
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:04,573
And she played me like a banjo.
349
00:15:08,710 --> 00:15:11,800
[sighs deeply]
350
00:15:15,141 --> 00:15:18,107
- Well, you just ruined
Mumford & Sons for me.
351
00:15:19,988 --> 00:15:22,993
- I'm a mess.
- Who isn't?
352
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,341
- Now that mom's gone,
353
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:31,017
maybe we should do that thing
she always wanted us to do.
354
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:34,482
- Neither one of us is
gonna marry Josh Groban.
355
00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,323
- No.
Look out for each other.
356
00:15:38,744 --> 00:15:40,951
Isn't that what sisters do?
357
00:15:40,999 --> 00:15:42,881
- I love you, Janet.
358
00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:44,887
- I love you so much.
359
00:15:44,926 --> 00:15:46,807
[moody jazzy music playing]
360
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:49,351
- ♪ Good riddance
361
00:15:49,399 --> 00:15:52,566
♪ Good-bye
362
00:15:52,614 --> 00:15:56,416
♪ Every trick of his
363
00:15:56,454 --> 00:16:01,263
♪ You're on to
364
00:16:01,301 --> 00:16:04,728
♪ But fools will be fools
365
00:16:04,766 --> 00:16:06,522
♪ And where's he
366
00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:11,620
♪ Gone to?
367
00:16:11,658 --> 00:16:14,836
♪ The road is rougher
368
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:18,636
♪ It's lonelier and tougher
369
00:16:18,675 --> 00:16:21,228
♪ With hope you burn up
370
00:16:21,266 --> 00:16:25,115
♪ Tomorrow he may turn up
371
00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:28,206
♪ There's just no letup
372
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:30,251
♪ The livelong night
373
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:35,136
♪ And day
374
00:16:35,184 --> 00:16:40,320
♪ Ever since
this world began ♪
375
00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:43,449
♪ There is nothing
376
00:16:43,496 --> 00:16:48,344
♪ Sadder than
377
00:16:50,888 --> 00:16:57,694
♪ A one-man woman
378
00:16:59,948 --> 00:17:02,963
♪ Looking for
379
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:09,941
♪ The man that got
380
00:17:11,486 --> 00:17:18,253
♪ Away
381
00:17:18,878 --> 00:17:21,881
♪ The man
382
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:27,526
♪ That got
383
00:17:29,446 --> 00:17:36,127
♪ Away
384
00:17:36,175 --> 00:17:41,982
♪
385
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,986
- Bravo!
[cheers and applause]
386
00:17:47,741 --> 00:17:48,115
.
387
00:17:48,163 --> 00:17:51,714
[mellow piano music]
388
00:17:51,753 --> 00:17:53,424
- How you feeling?
389
00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:57,723
- Better, although
I do miss the butterflies.
390
00:17:57,771 --> 00:17:59,777
Oh, God!
Oh.
391
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,789
- Do I need to say
anything to the school
392
00:18:03,829 --> 00:18:06,497
about my students lacing
chocolate milk with drugs?
393
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:08,377
- Depends, I mean,
394
00:18:08,425 --> 00:18:09,636
do you wanna do
the right thing,
395
00:18:09,674 --> 00:18:12,390
or be the cool teacher
that all the kids like?
396
00:18:12,429 --> 00:18:15,269
- Eh, they're adults.
- Yeah.
397
00:18:17,113 --> 00:18:19,953
You know, all that stuff
we said about soulmates
398
00:18:19,992 --> 00:18:22,623
and sandwiches--
that was because of the--
399
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:23,918
we were chocolate
milking, right?
400
00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:26,845
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
401
00:18:26,884 --> 00:18:29,773
I mean...
402
00:18:29,812 --> 00:18:32,566
- What?
- Nothing, I...
403
00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:34,362
When you get married,
404
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:36,368
you're still
gonna need me, right?
405
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,335
I mean,
Estefan can have "soulmate,"
406
00:18:38,373 --> 00:18:41,215
but I'm not losing
"best friend."
407
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:44,181
- Ugh.
You're so obsessed with me.
408
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:49,863
Of course you're
my best friend, silly.
409
00:18:49,901 --> 00:18:51,495
- Well, let's make it official.
410
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,381
Jack, I'm asking you,
411
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:58,550
in front of God,
412
00:18:58,598 --> 00:19:01,477
and all the high-end
male erotica in this apartment.
413
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:06,738
Do you promise to be
in my life forever?
414
00:19:07,995 --> 00:19:10,002
- I do.
415
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,803
I promise to be here through
all your weight fluctuations...
416
00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:15,511
- Mm-hmm.
417
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:18,602
- Every relationship you trick
a man into being a part of...
418
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,445
- Mm.
419
00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:22,527
- All the botched
cosmetic surgery I'm sure--
420
00:19:22,575 --> 00:19:24,457
- Okay, you're done.
You're good. You're good.
421
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:27,211
And I--I promise
422
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,005
to always lend you money,
423
00:19:30,053 --> 00:19:34,190
to not get mad when you return
my suit with the ass cut out,
424
00:19:34,228 --> 00:19:37,070
- It said, "business casual."
425
00:19:40,707 --> 00:19:42,714
- I know, buddy.
- [chuckles]
426
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,593
- Hey, Will.
- Mm, yeah?
427
00:19:45,631 --> 00:19:48,511
- You can make me
that sandwich now.
428
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:50,565
- I'd love to,
but when we were high,
429
00:19:50,604 --> 00:19:54,443
I used all the bread
to retile the bathroom.
430
00:19:54,491 --> 00:19:56,324
♪
431
00:19:56,372 --> 00:19:57,284
[car honks]
432
00:19:57,332 --> 00:20:00,174
[moody jazz music]
433
00:20:00,212 --> 00:20:07,229
♪
434
00:20:15,877 --> 00:20:17,547
[electricity crackles]
435
00:20:22,893 --> 00:20:24,775
Good-bye,
436
00:20:24,813 --> 00:20:27,741
Mrs. Stanley Walker.
30343
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