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1
00:00:03,922 --> 00:00:06,718
- "Will and Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,766 --> 00:00:08,016
- What do you mean,
I can't meet your daughter?
3
00:00:08,054 --> 00:00:09,649
- I didn't mean you couldn't
ever meet her.
4
00:00:09,688 --> 00:00:11,359
Obviously you will--
when the time is right.
5
00:00:11,407 --> 00:00:14,915
- And when will that be?
- When the time is right.
6
00:00:19,229 --> 00:00:21,526
- Hi. Hello.
Good evening to you both.
7
00:00:21,564 --> 00:00:23,198
I'm in the middle
of memorizing my lines
8
00:00:23,236 --> 00:00:26,292
for my one-man show
"Gaybraham Twinkin',"
9
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:29,175
so if you could keep it down
that would be...
10
00:00:29,223 --> 00:00:30,933
[kisses]
chef's kiss.
11
00:00:32,691 --> 00:00:34,114
Noah, always a pleasure.
12
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:37,083
Grace, we talked about
a side pony after 40.
13
00:00:38,332 --> 00:00:40,388
[door closes]
14
00:00:40,426 --> 00:00:41,724
- "When the time is right."
15
00:00:41,762 --> 00:00:44,068
You just said you loved me.
- I did say that.
16
00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:46,115
And by the way, I feel like
we're forgetting,
17
00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:47,624
that's the headline here.
18
00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:49,498
Today's the day I said
I love you.
19
00:00:49,546 --> 00:00:51,304
- Yes, but today's also
the day I found out you have
20
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:53,601
a daughter I can't meet.
That's the other headline.
21
00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:55,110
- Yeah, you can't have
two headlines.
22
00:00:55,148 --> 00:00:58,078
It's just bad journalism.
Look, I'm sorry.
23
00:00:58,116 --> 00:01:00,624
I love you, and I'm not ready
for you to meet Katie.
24
00:01:00,672 --> 00:01:02,171
Both those things are true.
25
00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:04,478
I gotta look out for her.
- "Look out for her"?
26
00:01:04,517 --> 00:01:06,813
What do you think I'm gonna do?
27
00:01:11,252 --> 00:01:13,299
[sighs]
- Hi.
28
00:01:13,338 --> 00:01:15,057
Good evening.
29
00:01:15,096 --> 00:01:17,229
Maybe I wasn't clear...
30
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:20,112
but this 21st century
hetero argument
31
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,080
is kind of killing
the 1860s homo-realism
32
00:01:23,129 --> 00:01:25,301
I'm trying to create here.
33
00:01:28,356 --> 00:01:30,441
Noah.
34
00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:32,785
Always a pleasure.
35
00:01:33,747 --> 00:01:36,630
- Look, Grace,
you will meet Katie, okay?
36
00:01:36,678 --> 00:01:39,185
When I feel the time
is right.
37
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,482
- Okay, Noah.
38
00:01:40,521 --> 00:01:42,068
Um, when you're in
a relationship,
39
00:01:42,116 --> 00:01:43,615
you share your life.
40
00:01:43,663 --> 00:01:46,882
That's how you grow,
and you are not ready for that,
41
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,342
so call me when you are.
42
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:51,475
Wait, wait, wait.
Why am I giving you the power?
43
00:01:51,523 --> 00:01:55,155
I'll call you when I'm ready
for you to be ready.
44
00:01:57,538 --> 00:01:59,633
- What part of--
ah, very good.
45
00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:02,727
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
46
00:02:02,766 --> 00:02:09,549
♪
47
00:02:11,384 --> 00:02:14,066
- Listen, I don't know much
about this guy
48
00:02:14,104 --> 00:02:15,776
but it sounds like you found
another one
49
00:02:15,814 --> 00:02:18,120
who's not batting
for our team.
50
00:02:19,119 --> 00:02:21,041
- Karen, I've been
dating Noah for two months.
51
00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:24,645
You split a calzone with him
three days ago in the office.
52
00:02:25,308 --> 00:02:28,027
- That doesn't sound like me.
53
00:02:28,076 --> 00:02:30,583
I like a full calzone.
54
00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:33,380
- I'm so sorry, sweetie.
55
00:02:33,428 --> 00:02:35,849
I know it was a tough call
to make.
56
00:02:35,888 --> 00:02:38,530
But you feel like
you did the right thing?
57
00:02:38,568 --> 00:02:40,326
- 100%, mm-hmm.
58
00:02:41,998 --> 00:02:44,083
What?
- Nothing.
59
00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:47,476
No, I just--he was only asking
for a little more time
60
00:02:47,514 --> 00:02:50,319
for his daughter's sake, and...
- What?
61
00:02:50,359 --> 00:02:51,742
- Do you really want
to date someone
62
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,250
who doesn't put
their kid first?
63
00:02:54,961 --> 00:02:57,968
- Fine, I'll tell him
I'll meet Katie on his terms.
64
00:02:58,016 --> 00:03:00,063
[yells]
Happy?
65
00:03:00,101 --> 00:03:01,773
- Why are you mad at me?
- Because I don't want
66
00:03:01,822 --> 00:03:03,369
to be mad at me.
67
00:03:03,408 --> 00:03:05,454
- See you at the office.
68
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,337
That's an expression, right?
69
00:03:09,768 --> 00:03:11,690
- Oh, Marilyn.
- Mom, what are you doing
70
00:03:11,729 --> 00:03:14,285
in the city?
- I needed to see you.
71
00:03:14,323 --> 00:03:15,332
- Oh, uh, Marilyn?
72
00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:17,081
Um, I--I have to run,
73
00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:18,877
but it is so nice seeing you.
74
00:03:18,926 --> 00:03:21,059
Mom.
75
00:03:22,980 --> 00:03:25,950
- Grace, neither of us
enjoy that.
76
00:03:28,419 --> 00:03:29,880
- What's going on?
Everything okay?
77
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,340
- Well, I have
some devastating news,
78
00:03:31,389 --> 00:03:33,185
and I don't know how
I can tell you.
79
00:03:33,224 --> 00:03:36,068
- Hey, Marilyn. Ooh.
I love what you're wearing.
80
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,663
- Oh, thank you, Karen.
81
00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:39,536
They just opened--
- Mom!
82
00:03:39,584 --> 00:03:42,679
What's the devastating news?
- Well...
83
00:03:44,264 --> 00:03:46,359
Your brother died.
84
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:48,405
- What?
- He was doing his business
85
00:03:48,444 --> 00:03:50,327
in the neighbor's yard,
starting shaking,
86
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:53,047
and then he "pff"--
just fell over.
87
00:03:53,095 --> 00:03:55,266
- My God.
- Oh...
88
00:03:55,305 --> 00:03:57,477
Poor Dr. Silly.
89
00:03:57,525 --> 00:04:00,494
- Wait, your dog?
90
00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:04,261
I thought you meant
Sam or Paul!
91
00:04:04,299 --> 00:04:08,354
And you made me picture them
pooping in the neighbor's yard!
92
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,121
Pooping and then dying!
93
00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:15,167
That's my--that's
my worst fear!
94
00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:18,981
- Dr. Silly was much more
than a dog, William.
95
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:21,528
He was a member of the family.
96
00:04:21,566 --> 00:04:24,036
He was your brother!
- Mom.
97
00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:27,091
- Oh, oh, was he the one
who dated Grace
98
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,512
and Will got all mad?
99
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,271
Yeah, and Will's like,
"You can't date
100
00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:33,692
my mother's dog!"
101
00:04:34,576 --> 00:04:37,632
- In any case, I'm collecting
video testimonials
102
00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:39,928
to show at the service,
and I was hoping
103
00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:42,436
that you would make one.
- Oh, sure, sure.
104
00:04:42,475 --> 00:04:44,320
Maybe I'll talk about
how much he loved
105
00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:47,414
chasing marbles
or humping the ottoman.
106
00:04:47,452 --> 00:04:51,219
Though I--I kind of wanted
to save that for Jack's eulogy.
107
00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:54,399
- Jokes, William?
108
00:04:54,438 --> 00:04:57,158
I thought you of all people
would understand.
109
00:04:57,196 --> 00:05:00,463
- What--Mom.
- I'm going to lie down.
110
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,548
- I...
111
00:05:02,596 --> 00:05:03,894
- You know...
112
00:05:03,932 --> 00:05:06,565
I never really got
the pet thing.
113
00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:09,245
I mean, if you want
something with four legs
114
00:05:09,284 --> 00:05:13,089
and a chip in its neck
I'd just hire two more maids.
115
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:17,855
- What did that mean,
"me of all people"?
116
00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:20,786
She never shows her emotions
and I never know how
117
00:05:20,824 --> 00:05:23,005
to deal with it
when they suddenly pop out.
118
00:05:23,044 --> 00:05:25,139
- Honey, the woman is grieving.
119
00:05:25,177 --> 00:05:28,310
It is time for you
to dig down deep
120
00:05:28,358 --> 00:05:30,318
and pull out one of your sad,
121
00:05:30,366 --> 00:05:33,834
low-limit credit cards
you have...
122
00:05:33,873 --> 00:05:35,795
and buy her something.
123
00:05:35,843 --> 00:05:38,188
- Well, she does like presents.
Thanks.
124
00:05:38,226 --> 00:05:40,109
You'll-you'll stay here
with her?
125
00:05:40,147 --> 00:05:42,242
- Oh, no, honey.
Not really my thing.
126
00:05:42,281 --> 00:05:44,539
We don't have much in common.
- She's scared of foreigners
127
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,172
and loves to drink.
- Well, maybe I could stay
128
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,181
for a little while.
129
00:05:48,219 --> 00:05:51,736
♪
130
00:05:51,775 --> 00:05:52,899
- Morning, boss.
131
00:05:52,947 --> 00:05:54,830
Um, as you know
I'm in rehearsal
132
00:05:54,869 --> 00:05:57,251
for my original one-man show
based on Abraham Lincoln's
133
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,933
secret gay romance,
"Gaybraham Twinkin'."
134
00:05:59,971 --> 00:06:01,643
- Let me guess. You're trying
you skip out of here
135
00:06:01,681 --> 00:06:02,652
early again today.
136
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:03,690
- I find your use of the word
137
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,332
"skip" slightly homophobic.
138
00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:09,714
But yes, I will need to prance
my gay ass out of here by 2:00.
139
00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:11,761
- Hold on!
140
00:06:11,809 --> 00:06:13,606
This is your job, Jack.
I need you here.
141
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:15,816
Not out doing
some ridiculous play, okay?
142
00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:18,285
- "Ridic..."
143
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:19,708
Need I remind you
144
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:22,802
what Abraham Lincoln
represents to this country?
145
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,858
- I don't think you need
to remind me.
146
00:06:24,897 --> 00:06:27,193
- Abe represents
this nation's struggle
147
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:30,210
for gay men to celebrate
their love freely, in the open,
148
00:06:30,249 --> 00:06:32,718
where people of all creeds
and colors can watch,
149
00:06:32,757 --> 00:06:36,437
and based on appearance
perhaps join in.
150
00:06:37,109 --> 00:06:38,233
- Lincoln freed the slaves,
dude.
151
00:06:38,281 --> 00:06:39,406
He wasn't gay.
152
00:06:39,445 --> 00:06:41,078
- He was one
of three gay presidents:
153
00:06:41,126 --> 00:06:42,461
Lincoln, Harrison,
154
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,970
and that confirmed
old bachelor:
155
00:06:44,008 --> 00:06:46,891
James "Power Bottom" Buchanan.
156
00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:49,399
- Is no one editing
Wikipedia anymore, like...?
157
00:06:49,447 --> 00:06:51,955
♪
158
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,252
- Noah?
159
00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:55,001
It's me.
160
00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:56,471
Hello?
161
00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:58,143
- Hi. My dad's not home.
162
00:06:58,182 --> 00:06:59,565
- You're Katie.
163
00:07:00,526 --> 00:07:03,582
The Katie.
I'm meeting Katie.
164
00:07:07,848 --> 00:07:09,308
- You must be
my new math tutor, right?
165
00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:12,364
Kimiko?
- Um...
166
00:07:13,027 --> 00:07:16,371
Yes, I am Kimiko.
167
00:07:16,419 --> 00:07:18,254
- Come on in.
168
00:07:18,302 --> 00:07:21,647
♪
169
00:07:24,241 --> 00:07:24,366
.
170
00:07:24,404 --> 00:07:26,960
- Wait, there's a second train
leaving the station
171
00:07:26,998 --> 00:07:29,218
at the same time?
172
00:07:29,257 --> 00:07:32,101
And this one's going
ten miles an hour?
173
00:07:32,139 --> 00:07:34,772
What is this, the 1800s?
174
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:37,079
- You're not my math tutor,
are you?
175
00:07:37,117 --> 00:07:38,500
- Good question.
176
00:07:38,538 --> 00:07:40,884
I am not.
- So, who are you?
177
00:07:40,922 --> 00:07:42,680
- I'm Grace...
178
00:07:42,718 --> 00:07:45,563
and I'm kind of seeing
your dad.
179
00:07:45,611 --> 00:07:47,533
- Oh.
180
00:07:47,571 --> 00:07:49,416
Hi.
- Hi.
181
00:07:49,454 --> 00:07:51,300
- I mean, he does seem
happy lately.
182
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,971
He hasn't said "fascists"
in like a week.
183
00:07:54,009 --> 00:07:56,104
- Oh! [chuckles]
I did that!
184
00:07:57,237 --> 00:08:00,034
But he didn't feel like
you were ready to meet me yet,
185
00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:02,206
so I should--I should leave.
186
00:08:02,254 --> 00:08:04,800
- And we never met.
- Right.
187
00:08:04,848 --> 00:08:07,894
But it's the only lie
we will ever tell your dad.
188
00:08:07,942 --> 00:08:09,903
- Katie, I'm home!
189
00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:12,920
- We will tell him
one more lie.
190
00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:16,514
- Hey, kiddo.
- Hi, Dad.
191
00:08:16,552 --> 00:08:18,685
- Hey, put these
on the counter.
192
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,045
- Hi! What are you doing home?
- Your math tutor called
193
00:08:26,093 --> 00:08:28,803
to cancel and I didn't want you
hanging out alone.
194
00:08:28,851 --> 00:08:30,811
Hey, you know what,
this is the problem
195
00:08:30,859 --> 00:08:31,945
with the gig economy.
196
00:08:31,983 --> 00:08:33,406
People cobble together
an income
197
00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:35,039
out of all these jobs
and they don't--
198
00:08:35,077 --> 00:08:37,086
- Don't commit
to any of them.
199
00:08:37,124 --> 00:08:39,345
- Love you.
- [chuckles]
200
00:08:39,392 --> 00:08:40,680
Wait!
201
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,064
I need to tell you something.
202
00:08:42,102 --> 00:08:43,486
Something really important.
203
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,579
- What?
You're vaping?
204
00:08:46,618 --> 00:08:48,126
You know, it may taste
like banana pudding,
205
00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:51,134
but it's just
banana-flavored cancer.
206
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:53,652
- Wait, Dad!
207
00:09:03,558 --> 00:09:05,605
- You must be Katie.
208
00:09:05,653 --> 00:09:07,363
♪
209
00:09:07,402 --> 00:09:10,208
- I don't know why Will
is being so insensitive.
210
00:09:10,246 --> 00:09:13,013
It's--it's very--
- Un-gay-like?
211
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,436
- Yes.
212
00:09:14,474 --> 00:09:17,319
Oh, is that wrong to say?
- No.
213
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,287
You made him gay,
so naturally, it's upsetting
214
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,508
when he doesn't act that way.
215
00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:24,467
- Well, you understand.
216
00:09:24,505 --> 00:09:26,812
You must have had
a furry companion
217
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:28,273
at some point.
218
00:09:28,321 --> 00:09:32,712
- I've never had a pet,
and Stan wasn't that furry.
219
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,259
- Well, you're missing out,
Karen.
220
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,930
- Hm.
- You know how impossible it is
221
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:39,313
to show love to people?
222
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,446
- Go on.
223
00:09:41,485 --> 00:09:44,204
- Well, it's so easy with dogs.
224
00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:46,174
[door opens]
- Did somebody order
225
00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:49,057
four pounds of cuteness?
226
00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:50,566
- What is this?
227
00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:53,698
- It's your new dog!
Isn't she adorable?
228
00:09:53,746 --> 00:09:56,465
She could have been Dr. Silly's
more attractive partner
229
00:09:56,503 --> 00:09:57,801
in the practice, you know?
230
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,473
Who, uh--who writes
a health column
231
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,481
in "The Daily Growl."
[laughs]
232
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,363
- You can't swap out
one dog for another.
233
00:10:04,402 --> 00:10:07,669
I mean, when you and Vince
broke up did I swap him out
234
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,889
for another gay man
to cheer you up?
235
00:10:09,927 --> 00:10:11,311
- Yes.
236
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:12,858
You fixed me up
with Tim O'Dell--
237
00:10:12,897 --> 00:10:14,568
who was straight, by the way.
- Oh.
238
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:16,701
You told me that you
made out with him.
239
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,882
- And it took a long time
to get him there.
240
00:10:20,843 --> 00:10:22,092
[dog barking]
241
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,851
Karen, would you take her
for a walk?
242
00:10:23,899 --> 00:10:25,647
Here.
- [sighs]
243
00:10:25,695 --> 00:10:26,781
[dog growling]
244
00:10:26,819 --> 00:10:28,953
Okay, Marilyn, let's go.
245
00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:30,125
Come on.
246
00:10:30,164 --> 00:10:31,211
Come on, come on.
247
00:10:31,259 --> 00:10:33,133
Come.
Come, Marilyn, come on.
248
00:10:33,181 --> 00:10:34,430
[kissing]
- The dog.
249
00:10:34,478 --> 00:10:35,814
What, you thought I meant
my mother?
250
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,275
- Well, I don't know.
251
00:10:37,322 --> 00:10:39,244
She's had a lot to drink.
252
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,260
Ugh.
253
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:46,556
- Another dog.
254
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:47,978
Oh, God, I can't believe
255
00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:49,612
that that's what you think
I needed.
256
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:50,871
- I don't understand.
257
00:10:50,909 --> 00:10:52,120
I--I don't know how
to help you.
258
00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,542
It's--it's just like
when Dad died.
259
00:10:53,590 --> 00:10:54,800
- Oh, was it?
260
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,347
And how would you know that?
261
00:10:56,386 --> 00:10:58,106
- Because I was there?
262
00:10:58,145 --> 00:10:59,989
- For a week after the funeral,
263
00:11:00,028 --> 00:11:02,959
and then you went right back
to your life.
264
00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:04,881
And I had no one.
265
00:11:04,919 --> 00:11:07,475
That's when I got Dr. Silly.
266
00:11:08,475 --> 00:11:11,107
- Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't...
267
00:11:11,155 --> 00:11:14,076
I wish you had told me
that you needed me.
268
00:11:15,498 --> 00:11:17,593
- Well, you should have known.
269
00:11:17,631 --> 00:11:20,812
♪
270
00:11:20,851 --> 00:11:22,109
- Jack, are you out
of your mind?
271
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,118
The Underground Railroad
was a secret network
272
00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:25,328
to get slaves to the north,
273
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:27,038
not a gay club
with a subway theme.
274
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:30,594
- Oh, really? Then where did
I ride my first caboose?
275
00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,149
- You do recognize
as a black man--
276
00:11:34,197 --> 00:11:35,994
- I know, I know.
[sighs]
277
00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:37,752
You can't hide the color
of your skin,
278
00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:39,041
but I can hide my gayness.
279
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:42,269
[insect buzzing]
[shrieks] Oh, my God!
280
00:11:42,307 --> 00:11:43,691
Oh!
281
00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:46,449
It was just a fly.
I thought it was a bee.
282
00:11:46,487 --> 00:11:47,822
I'm tragically allergic.
283
00:11:47,871 --> 00:11:49,369
One sting and my face blows up
284
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,378
bigger than Liza
on Prednisone.
285
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,732
Anyway, what were we saying?
286
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:57,240
- You can hide your gayness.
- Right, right.
287
00:11:57,278 --> 00:11:59,287
I'll give you that.
288
00:12:00,872 --> 00:12:02,130
- Hi, I'm looking
for Theodore?
289
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:03,505
I'm here to fix the AC.
- Oh, yeah, man,
290
00:12:03,553 --> 00:12:05,810
it's right over there.
291
00:12:05,849 --> 00:12:07,771
- Excuse me, sir.
Uh, I was hoping
292
00:12:07,819 --> 00:12:09,741
you could settle
an argument for us.
293
00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:13,209
Who's more oppressed:
A black person or a gay person?
294
00:12:13,257 --> 00:12:15,968
- That's a ridiculous question.
- I know, right?
295
00:12:16,015 --> 00:12:18,648
- Nobody has it worse
than Latinos.
296
00:12:18,687 --> 00:12:20,406
They're putting our kids
in cages.
297
00:12:20,445 --> 00:12:21,829
- How about all
the African-American men
298
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,461
that are locked up in cages?
- Due to a lack of funds
299
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:28,142
I've sometimes been forced
to dance in cages.
300
00:12:29,977 --> 00:12:31,611
Who's zoomin' who, fellas?
301
00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:33,330
[knocking on door]
- Delivery.
302
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:36,338
- So the order is: Latinos
have it worse, then black men,
303
00:12:36,377 --> 00:12:38,760
then gay guys.
- Oh, no, no, no.
304
00:12:38,808 --> 00:12:42,276
You've got to move Muslims
on the top of that list.
305
00:12:42,314 --> 00:12:43,737
Try being me
getting on a plane.
306
00:12:43,785 --> 00:12:45,408
- Or try being me
getting a taxi.
307
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:46,831
- Try being me and getting back
in the country.
308
00:12:46,879 --> 00:12:49,512
- Try being me and having
to claim Kevin Spacey
309
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,183
as one of your own.
310
00:12:51,223 --> 00:12:53,067
- Well, he was good in
"The Usual Suspects."
311
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,989
- Would you want him
to be black?
312
00:12:55,027 --> 00:12:57,209
- Okay, I see your point.
313
00:12:57,247 --> 00:13:00,178
- Jack! I just got your check
by mistake.
314
00:13:00,216 --> 00:13:02,349
How do you make
more money than me?
315
00:13:02,388 --> 00:13:04,021
Because you're a man?
316
00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:08,710
- [goofy voice]
No, Dana.
317
00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:10,671
Because I work harder
than you.
318
00:13:10,709 --> 00:13:13,227
- [scoffs]
- And I am also a gay man--
319
00:13:13,265 --> 00:13:14,898
who we just all agreed
320
00:13:14,937 --> 00:13:16,696
is the most oppressed group
there is.
321
00:13:16,734 --> 00:13:19,203
[all shouting]
322
00:13:21,423 --> 00:13:21,625
.
323
00:13:21,673 --> 00:13:24,305
- I didn't think that Katie
would be here,
324
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:25,939
and then she answered the door,
and so I had to pretend
325
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:27,189
that I was her math tutor.
326
00:13:27,237 --> 00:13:28,947
- Wait a minute,
you pretended to be Kimiko?
327
00:13:28,985 --> 00:13:30,244
That's--that's ridiculous.
328
00:13:30,283 --> 00:13:32,791
- I know.
I am clearly not Japanese.
329
00:13:32,839 --> 00:13:35,807
- No, I meant the part
about you tutoring math.
330
00:13:36,894 --> 00:13:39,401
I mean, you use the tip
calculator on the phone.
331
00:13:39,439 --> 00:13:41,034
- Hey, 20% is hard.
332
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:42,495
- No, it's ten plus ten.
333
00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:44,666
- Okay, 13% is hard.
334
00:13:46,473 --> 00:13:48,857
[sighs]
Okay, look, I screwed up.
335
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,528
I know that.
I know that, and I am so sorry.
336
00:13:51,566 --> 00:13:53,248
But the good news here
337
00:13:53,286 --> 00:13:55,170
is that Katie and I
hit it off.
338
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:57,178
- No, that only
makes things worse.
339
00:13:57,217 --> 00:13:59,724
See, this is why I didn't
want you to meet her yet.
340
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,030
Because now you guys
have, like, a thing,
341
00:14:02,069 --> 00:14:04,740
so when we break up
she gets hurt.
342
00:14:04,788 --> 00:14:06,672
- Wait, "when we break up"?
343
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:08,545
- No, that's not
what I meant to say.
344
00:14:08,594 --> 00:14:10,727
I mean, it's not like I'm--
I'm planning.
345
00:14:10,765 --> 00:14:12,686
- But you assume
this is gonna end.
346
00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,156
- Grace, come on.
347
00:14:14,195 --> 00:14:15,780
We've both been divorced, okay?
348
00:14:15,828 --> 00:14:17,875
I'm just being a realist.
349
00:14:17,914 --> 00:14:21,681
I mean, name one relationship
that lasts and is any good.
350
00:14:21,719 --> 00:14:23,727
- There's so many!
351
00:14:23,775 --> 00:14:25,524
But right now, for some reason,
I can only think
352
00:14:25,572 --> 00:14:27,205
of "Lady and the Tramp."
353
00:14:28,628 --> 00:14:30,674
- Oh, please.
This fantasy that they can
354
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:32,635
just overcome
their class differences
355
00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:35,479
because they both like pasta.
356
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,699
- So, what?
All relationships are doomed?
357
00:14:37,737 --> 00:14:39,832
There's no point loving anyone
and life sucks?
358
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,253
- No, I'm just saying
there's zero probability
359
00:14:42,301 --> 00:14:44,012
that you throw
two people together
360
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,894
and it's going to last forever.
- "Zero"?
361
00:14:48,028 --> 00:14:50,200
Then what are we doing?
- "What are we doing"?
362
00:14:50,248 --> 00:14:52,247
What do you mean?
I--I said I love you, okay?
363
00:14:52,295 --> 00:14:55,091
That keeps getting bumped off
the front page.
364
00:14:56,513 --> 00:14:57,733
I don't know
what you want me to say.
365
00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:59,155
- I want you to say
that there's a chance
366
00:14:59,194 --> 00:15:00,616
that you and me won't break up.
367
00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:02,663
I mean, I can't do this
if there's no hope.
368
00:15:02,711 --> 00:15:04,545
- Grace, come on.
- I mean, can't you say that
369
00:15:04,584 --> 00:15:06,179
to me, Noah?
I mean, can't you say
370
00:15:06,218 --> 00:15:08,226
that there's a chance?
371
00:15:10,484 --> 00:15:12,281
Wow.
372
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,798
Okay, then.
373
00:15:17,422 --> 00:15:18,930
Goodbye, Noah.
374
00:15:18,978 --> 00:15:20,141
[door opens]
375
00:15:20,189 --> 00:15:22,486
And Lady and the Tramp
did end up together.
376
00:15:22,524 --> 00:15:23,994
There was a DVD sequel
377
00:15:24,033 --> 00:15:26,166
where they had a son
named Scamp.
378
00:15:26,204 --> 00:15:28,597
♪
379
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,893
[all shouting]
380
00:15:30,932 --> 00:15:33,488
- Wait, wait!
Wait!
381
00:15:33,526 --> 00:15:37,879
You think "Crazy Rich Asians"
makes up for Panda Express?
382
00:15:37,918 --> 00:15:39,465
It doesn't.
383
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,050
- How is it that they still
allow the fat guy
384
00:15:41,098 --> 00:15:42,607
to be the butt of the joke?
385
00:15:42,645 --> 00:15:43,769
- Ralph just said "fat"
and "butt."
386
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:46,278
[all laughing]
- Good one!
387
00:15:46,326 --> 00:15:47,622
- All right! All right, okay!
388
00:15:47,661 --> 00:15:50,006
First it goes black person,
then Muslim...
389
00:15:50,044 --> 00:15:51,130
- Yeah.
- Then Latino,
390
00:15:51,178 --> 00:15:52,638
then everybody else.
391
00:15:52,677 --> 00:15:55,147
[all shouting]
392
00:15:55,194 --> 00:15:56,991
- Stop!
393
00:15:58,115 --> 00:15:59,624
This is crazy.
Does it really make sense
394
00:15:59,662 --> 00:16:02,007
for us to fight over
who's the most oppressed?
395
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:05,101
- Well, the elderly
are practically invisible
396
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,773
in this country.
397
00:16:10,751 --> 00:16:12,836
- Where is that coming from?
398
00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:16,853
- Over here.
- It's nothing, keep going.
399
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,275
- You guys, look at us.
400
00:16:18,313 --> 00:16:20,158
Every single person
in this room is part
401
00:16:20,197 --> 00:16:22,205
of a group
that has known suffering.
402
00:16:22,243 --> 00:16:24,501
And what unites us?
- The struggle?
403
00:16:24,549 --> 00:16:26,222
- Wrong, sir!
404
00:16:27,394 --> 00:16:30,151
But that was the name
of my first bondage bar.
405
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,199
The theater!
406
00:16:31,237 --> 00:16:32,746
And no play delivers
this message
407
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,582
in a more powerful,
toe-tapping way
408
00:16:34,629 --> 00:16:36,503
than "Gaybraham Twinkin'."
409
00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:38,559
- Is there a matinee?
410
00:16:40,318 --> 00:16:41,779
- Who is saying that?
411
00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:43,537
- Well, I'm glad everybody got
to say their piece.
412
00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:45,036
Maybe that's the way
we'll start to heal.
413
00:16:45,084 --> 00:16:47,255
- Exactly, and as long
as we respect
414
00:16:47,294 --> 00:16:49,802
each other's struggles,
then we can finally
415
00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:51,224
come together, right?
416
00:16:51,272 --> 00:16:53,654
You, sir. I didn't get
a chance to talk to you.
417
00:16:53,693 --> 00:16:54,866
What's your deal?
418
00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:55,913
- Well,
as a straight white male,
419
00:16:55,952 --> 00:16:57,547
I believe right now
420
00:16:57,585 --> 00:17:00,679
I'm under attack more than
any other group in America.
421
00:17:05,945 --> 00:17:08,202
- Oh, my God, that door
just closed by itself.
422
00:17:08,251 --> 00:17:10,336
♪
423
00:17:11,806 --> 00:17:11,970
.
424
00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:15,237
[upbeat piano music]
425
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,533
- Thank you
for a wonderful visit.
426
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,493
- [sighs]
Mom, you don't mean that.
427
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:22,174
- It's called being polite.
- Look--wait, wait, wait.
428
00:17:22,212 --> 00:17:24,144
Look, look...
429
00:17:24,182 --> 00:17:27,439
since Dad passed I--I...
430
00:17:27,488 --> 00:17:29,698
I haven't checked in
as much as I should have,
431
00:17:29,746 --> 00:17:30,995
and I'm sorry.
432
00:17:31,043 --> 00:17:33,675
I've been a bad son.
- No.
433
00:17:33,715 --> 00:17:35,810
You're not a bad son.
434
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,730
- Well...
- You're a bad gay son.
435
00:17:39,777 --> 00:17:40,863
- What?
436
00:17:40,911 --> 00:17:43,544
- Karen hit the nail
on the head today.
437
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:46,638
I made you gay,
but I'm not getting any
438
00:17:46,677 --> 00:17:48,685
of the benefits.
439
00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:51,529
- Oh, God, I left you alone
with Karen.
440
00:17:51,577 --> 00:17:53,412
That's--that's me.
That's my bad.
441
00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:54,585
That's on me.
442
00:17:54,624 --> 00:17:56,929
- I knew after Dr. Silly died
443
00:17:56,968 --> 00:17:59,648
that I couldn't go
to Sam and Paul.
444
00:17:59,688 --> 00:18:01,907
They'd think
I was being ridiculous.
445
00:18:01,945 --> 00:18:03,368
- You thought I'd be
more supportive
446
00:18:03,406 --> 00:18:05,664
because I sleep with men?
- Oh...
447
00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:08,134
Every woman I know
with a gay son
448
00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:10,267
is best friends with him.
449
00:18:10,305 --> 00:18:12,111
Look at Dianne and Jerry.
450
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:15,081
They have their own
YouTube channel.
451
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:16,792
- You don't want me
to be like Jerry.
452
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:19,088
He wears a cape
to the grocery store.
453
00:18:19,136 --> 00:18:22,893
He's--he's like the world's
gayest superhero.
454
00:18:22,940 --> 00:18:25,199
- And when her cat
Lord Bumbles died
455
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,534
he took her on
a "Downton Abbey" river cruise.
456
00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:28,755
- I'm confused here.
457
00:18:28,793 --> 00:18:30,964
Are you saying you want me
to be gayer
458
00:18:31,012 --> 00:18:32,973
or us to be closer?
459
00:18:33,021 --> 00:18:34,520
- Yes.
460
00:18:35,403 --> 00:18:36,778
- Come--come here.
461
00:18:36,826 --> 00:18:39,458
I am the exact amount of gay
462
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:42,341
that I'm ever gonna be,
but we can hang out more.
463
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:45,397
I can be more sensitive
to what you need.
464
00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:47,155
- Oh, that's what I want.
465
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:50,835
Yeah. And you know,
Jerry's single.
466
00:18:50,874 --> 00:18:53,343
And the four of us could just
have so much fun together.
467
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:54,891
- Doing what?
468
00:18:54,929 --> 00:18:57,773
Pretending that the two of us
don't see them holding hands?
469
00:18:58,907 --> 00:19:02,078
- And he loves his mother.
- And so do I.
470
00:19:04,336 --> 00:19:05,172
- Aww...
471
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:08,102
Okay, that's enough.
472
00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:10,399
We're not Lutherans.
473
00:19:12,657 --> 00:19:14,003
- Marilyn...
[sighs]
474
00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:16,050
This dog and I have fallen
madly in love
475
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:19,056
and I am prepared
to fight you for her.
476
00:19:19,104 --> 00:19:20,565
Will, you're my attorney.
477
00:19:20,603 --> 00:19:22,276
Bury her in paperwork.
478
00:19:22,324 --> 00:19:24,457
- You can have her.
479
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,676
- Oh, you hear that, Shou-Shou?
You're mine.
480
00:19:27,714 --> 00:19:30,021
What say we go to the park
and bury some bones?
481
00:19:30,059 --> 00:19:33,066
Doesn't matter whose
as long as we're together.
482
00:19:33,114 --> 00:19:38,505
♪
483
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,513
- Orange beef, lemon chicken,
484
00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:43,570
and shrimp lo mein.
485
00:19:43,608 --> 00:19:45,155
How many people?
486
00:19:45,193 --> 00:19:47,912
Um, there's six of us.
487
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,179
Hold it down, everybody,
I'm trying to order.
488
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:52,851
Okay.
489
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:54,101
[knocking on door]
490
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:56,570
Oh, that must be the pizza.
491
00:19:59,837 --> 00:20:02,681
- Okay, there's a chance.
492
00:20:04,142 --> 00:20:05,526
- Okay.
- But you gotta know
493
00:20:05,564 --> 00:20:06,900
this scares the crap out of me.
494
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:08,869
- I know. It's supposed to.
495
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,119
- 'Cause I'm not
this guy, okay?
496
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,714
I'm a pessimist.
I can't be--
497
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:12,588
- Hey.
498
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:15,096
You said there was a chance.
499
00:20:15,144 --> 00:20:17,152
That's the headline.
500
00:20:21,034 --> 00:20:22,956
- Wanna go grab a drink
or something?
501
00:20:23,005 --> 00:20:26,262
I'm taking care of the tip.
502
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:27,347
- Sure.
503
00:20:27,395 --> 00:20:30,114
You get the elevator,
I'll get my purse.
35887
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