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1
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Guys, guys...
2
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Oh, good, you're up. You can settle this.
3
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Which one of us is the bigger pain in the ass?
4
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Gina, I don't have time for this. I have a big problem.
5
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Just pick one.
6
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Fine-- Gina, you are the bigger pain in the ass.
7
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Told you!
8
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Okay, can you listen to me, please?
9
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Okay, you remember how Alex was upstairs spying on her husband from my bedroom?
10
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Well, when she fell asleep, I saw him kissing another woman.
11
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Oh, my God.
12
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I know, and she has no idea. She's up there sleeping like an angel.
13
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And drooling like a bull mastiff.
14
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So, what are you going to do? You going to tell her?
15
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I don't know.
16
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Well, I can tell you from personal experience,
17
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you get news like that, you end up stabbing the messenger.
18
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I think the saying is "shoot the messenger."
19
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What saying?
20
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You know what? I think you're right.
21
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She shouldn't hear this from me. Eric should be the one to tell her.
22
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I think I'm gonna go have a little chat with him.
23
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Whoa, you think he's gonna listen to you?
24
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Oh, yeah, he's pretty scared of me. He thinks we're in the Mafia.
25
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Why, just 'cause we're Italian?
26
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No, 'cause your mother told him we were.
27
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Well, I think it makes us more colorful.
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29
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Hey, Eric, can I talk to you for a second?
30
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Uh, sure. Yeah. Come on in.
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Thanks.
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Okay, look, I saw something last night that I don't think I was supposed to see.
33
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Oh, my God! Was there a hit?
34
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What? Uh, is somebody sleeping with the fishes?
35
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I am not in the Mafia!
36
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Right. Right. Yeah.
37
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The Feds.
38
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Eric, Eric, Eric.
39
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I saw you kissing that woman last night.
40
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What? Um, look, no, it's not what it looks like.
41
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Look, I know the excuses, okay? I've used them all.
42
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She's an old friend. She's my sister.
43
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She had peanut butter in her mouth and I was starving.
44
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Okay. Um, does Alex know?
45
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No. I didn't tell her.
46
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Oh, thank God. Thank you.
47
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Because I think she should hear it from you.
48
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You're right.
49
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You're right, I'll tell her.
50
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Look, but things are pretty raw right now,
51
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and we're kind of on shaky ground.
52
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So, just let me find the right time.
53
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Fine. But don't wait too long,
54
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otherwise I'm gonna have to come back and see you.
55
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Oh, my God.
56
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With some of your...
57
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"associates"?
58
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That's right.
59
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- Hey.
- Hey.
60
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What are you doing?
61
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Well, this whole thing with Alex and Eric has got me thinking, you know.
62
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Things are going so great with me and Sara that
63
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I don't want to mess up and sleep with someone else.
64
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So, you know what I'm going to do?
65
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Become a different person?
66
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No, no, I'm calling all the girls I used to go out with
67
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and letting them know that I am now unavailable.
68
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All right, let's see, who's next?
69
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Joey...
70
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you really think you're going to be able to give up other women?
71
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Yeah. I think it's time.
72
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I mean, I've had my fair share of women.
73
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I've had at least one from every country, except for Iceland.
74
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Really? That's the only kind of girl you've never been with?
75
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Yup. Thought I had one once.
76
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I spent the whole weekend with her. Turned out she was a Dane.
77
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- Hey.
- Hey.
78
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- Hi.
- Hi, Michael.
79
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Wow, you Tribbianis must have an amazing gene pool,
80
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'cause you are one good-looking family.
81
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Whoa.
82
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Whoo!
83
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Yeah, don't compliment him. It gets him confused.
84
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What's this list of women's names?
85
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Oh, I'm clearing the decks--
86
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letting them all know that I am off the market.
87
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Oh.
88
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Yeah, that's a really great idea.
89
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I think I'll call all my old flames.
90
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- Mmm, let 'em down easy.
- I will.
91
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It's convenient, 'cause all the Tennessee Titans are at training camp.
92
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- What?!
- I'm kidding.
93
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All right, I should go.
94
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- Yeah, you should go.
- Yeah, I should go.
95
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- Good-bye.
- Bye.
96
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Michael, you mind giving us a little privacy?
97
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Okay.
98
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You know, I'm going to do this someday, 'cause I'm handsome.
99
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Hello, I'm off the market.
100
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I'm in a committed relationship now.
101
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Joey, it's Bobbie.
102
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Oh, hey, Bobbie, I was just, uh...
103
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Oh, honey, I don't care what you were doing.
104
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As long as you're off the steroids,
105
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I don't need to know your business.
106
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Uh, I was never on steroids.
107
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Oh, sure, a forehead just grows that way on its own.
108
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Anyway, great news.
109
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Deep Powder just called,
110
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and they want you to come in early for body makeup.
111
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You have a big love scene today.
112
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Really? I wish I didn't have to.
113
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It'll be great. It's with Carmen Electra.
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Hello?
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Hello? Hello?
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Joey.
117
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Joey.
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I'm in big trouble.
119
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I'm trying to be good, and now I have to do a love scene with Carmen Electra.
120
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So what? You're... You'll be acting, right?
121
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It's not like you'll be in an actual romantic situation with her. It's...
122
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Oh, Michael... Michael... you regular people are so naive.
123
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I have been in 75 love scenes in my career.
124
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Now, do you know how many times that's led to actual sex?
125
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- 75?
- 244.
126
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Hey.
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Hey.
128
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So, did you talk to Eric?
129
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Yeah, yeah, he's going to tell Alex,
130
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but he wants to wait till the right time.
131
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Well, he better be nice to Shirley.
132
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I think of her as Shirley to my Laverne.
133
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Hello.
134
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Oh, Sharon, thanks for calling me back.
135
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Yeah, are the rest of the Hawaiian Tropic girls there?
136
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Great, can you put me on speakerphone?
137
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Okay, bad news, ladies.
138
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Hey.
139
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I just talked to Eric.
140
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Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
141
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Yeah, we're separated, and he still wants me to call his mother for her birthday?!
142
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I don't want to call her! That woman does not like me.
143
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The first time I met her, she looked at my chest and said, "What's going on there?"
144
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- Is that all you talked about?
- Yeah.
145
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I just, I can't believe him.
146
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Who?
147
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Eric.
148
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I just had this really intense conversation with him.
149
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Oh, he told me he was going to talk to you. Are you okay?
150
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Joey, can I see you outside for a second?
151
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Gina...
152
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Alex is going through something right now.
153
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Could you be a little sensitive?
154
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Joey! On the patio! Now!
155
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Boy, it's always about Gina!
156
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I'm sorry. Go ahead, sweetie. Here... sit down.
157
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Well, I'm just so mad, you know.
158
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I mean, I know this is gonna sound harsh, but I hate that woman.
159
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Alex, Eric has some responsibility in this, too.
160
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Yeah, I guess.
161
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You guess?
162
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C'mon! He made out with her!
163
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Eric made out with his mother?
164
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What?!
165
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First he's kissing that other woman, now he's making out with his mother?!
166
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Hold it together, dude!
167
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Joey, don't say anything!
168
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He... he made out with her?
169
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Yeah. I'm so sorry, Alex.
170
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Me, too.
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I can't believe this.
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I know.
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Hey...
174
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A little heads-up would have been nice.
175
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How could Eric do this? Aw, geez, Luigi, this is bad.
176
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"Geez, Luigi"?!
177
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What happened?
178
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I mean, was it just a kiss, or did they actually...?
179
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I-I don't know the details, okay?
180
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That's why I felt it was important that Eric be the one to tell you.
181
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But this was good, too.
182
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We got separated so that we could work on the marriage.
183
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And now he's off with another woman?!
184
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I mean, I know I was spying on him,
185
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but I never really thought he would do anything.
186
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How am I going to forgive him for this?
187
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Are you definitely going to forgive him?
188
00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:08,982
Yeah. What else am I supposed to do?
189
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Get mad!
190
00:09:10,379 --> 00:09:13,214
Alex, this is a big deal. And this is not your only problem.
191
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He's always on tour. When he is in town, you barely connect.
192
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You don't have a passionate sex life.
193
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Gina! Don't talk about my "S" life!
194
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And now, you're separated for one day, and he's with someone else?!
195
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And you're just going to accept this? You deserve better.
196
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:32,777
Okay, you're right. I'll talk to him.
197
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Not talk to him-- yell at him.
198
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I'm not much of a yeller.
199
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Oh, then take Gina with you, she yells all the time.
200
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You know, it might actually be good to have you there.
201
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:44,595
I mean, you know, as moral support.
202
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That way, if I start to cave, you won't let me.
203
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It's inappropriate.
204
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It's almost certainly going to make things worse. I'll do it.
205
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:56,892
So... I just finished reading your scenes with Carmen Electra.
206
00:09:57,252 --> 00:09:59,008
Yeah. They're pretty intense.
207
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Get ready to blush.
208
00:10:01,324 --> 00:10:02,761
I think I'll be okay.
209
00:10:07,353 --> 00:10:08,790
Geez, Luigi!
210
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- Oh, man, this is bad.
- Yeah.
211
00:10:13,661 --> 00:10:15,498
And it's Carmen Electra.
212
00:10:15,817 --> 00:10:19,251
You put the two of us together in a love scene and it's a sexual time bomb.
213
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Okay, okay, I need something to defuse it.
214
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Something that's such a turn-off it'll de-sexualize any situation.
215
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I need a living, breathing cold shower.
216
00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,903
Hey buddy, you want to meet Carmen Electra?
217
00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:37,337
- Sure!
- Okay, come on.
218
00:10:41,489 --> 00:10:42,328
Eric?
219
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:46,799
Eric?
220
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,752
I guess he's not home.
221
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God, I can't believe he was in this room kissing another woman.
222
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I'm just so angry, I could break something.
223
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Do it. What's the most important thing he owns?
224
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Well, his viola. But we can't break that. It means too much to him.
225
00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:04,127
Okay, even better.
226
00:11:04,686 --> 00:11:07,481
All we're going to do is take it...
227
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,637
and put it in the middle of the room.
228
00:11:10,156 --> 00:11:12,392
And he'll see all the other stuff we messed with,
229
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and he'll always wonder, "What did they do to my viola?"
230
00:11:16,903 --> 00:11:18,061
Oh...
231
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That will really fudge with his head.
232
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I once did it to an ex-boyfriend of mine.
233
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Oh, did he play an instrument?
234
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,723
No. It was a pound of hash.
235
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,783
Oh, God, there she is. There's Carmen Electra.
236
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Here she comes. Okay, do not leave my side.
237
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Okay, look... Be strong. Remember Sara.
238
00:11:44,252 --> 00:11:45,929
Okay? You cannot leave her. She thinks I'm good-looking.
239
00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:48,325
- Hey, Joey.
- Hey.
240
00:11:48,644 --> 00:11:50,201
I'm really excited we're working together.
241
00:11:50,401 --> 00:11:54,274
You know, I'm a huge Days of Our Lives fan. I love Drake Ramoray.
242
00:11:54,912 --> 00:11:57,228
Well, thanks. Yeah. Oh, hey, this is my nephew, Michael.
243
00:11:57,548 --> 00:11:58,705
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Carmen.
244
00:11:59,105 --> 00:12:01,740
Uh, your collar's a little up in the back.
245
00:12:03,457 --> 00:12:05,054
- There you go.
- Thanks.
246
00:12:07,409 --> 00:12:08,168
Please have sex with her.
247
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:11,362
- Michael...
- I'm sorry.
248
00:12:11,442 --> 00:12:12,759
Look, you have a big problem here.
249
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:13,518
Joey!
250
00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:15,794
I came down to watch your big scene.
251
00:12:15,873 --> 00:12:17,191
Oh, hey, hey.
252
00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:19,587
- Oh, and you.
- Yeah.
253
00:12:19,666 --> 00:12:21,024
Aw, gimme, gimme.
254
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:26,773
Oh, what are you doing here?
255
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,807
He's here to stop me from jumping into bed with Carmen Electra.
256
00:12:30,406 --> 00:12:33,081
Oh, really? Well, who's stopping him from jumping in bed with me?
257
00:12:37,074 --> 00:12:38,990
Why'd you scare him off? He was my buffer.
258
00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:41,266
Well, why don't you want anything to happen with Carmen Electra?
259
00:12:41,665 --> 00:12:44,340
She's the only woman I would sleep with...
260
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,656
or so I thought until last Saturday.
261
00:12:51,966 --> 00:12:53,364
Sweet. Yeah... Okay, look, I'm just...
262
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:56,318
I'm worried because I just started in a committed relationship.
263
00:12:56,478 --> 00:12:58,354
- You did what?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
264
00:12:58,474 --> 00:12:59,632
We're being exclusive, and I...
265
00:12:59,672 --> 00:13:02,946
- Exclusive?!
- Yeah, yeah.
266
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:05,142
So if you could just get them to rewrite the script a little bit,
267
00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:06,140
that would be great.
268
00:13:06,539 --> 00:13:07,457
Oh, sure.
269
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:10,412
Yeah, we'll alert all writers and directors--
270
00:13:10,731 --> 00:13:13,366
Joey Tribbiani is in a relationship.
271
00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:15,442
Let's stop Hollywood.
272
00:13:18,118 --> 00:13:20,912
Exclusive! You big jackass!
273
00:13:23,707 --> 00:13:26,542
Joey, we're going to run through your scene with Carmen before we shoot it.
274
00:13:29,257 --> 00:13:31,173
All right, let's take it from the top.
275
00:13:32,091 --> 00:13:34,247
Thank you, Jeremiah. Because of your hard work,
276
00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:36,244
I just won four more years in the U.S. Senate.
277
00:13:36,723 --> 00:13:38,480
Isn't a Senate term six years?
278
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:40,396
Please, read the line as written.
279
00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:46,265
Well, the U.S. Senate has been a great friend to Powder Mountain.
280
00:13:46,584 --> 00:13:50,138
We'd like to be more than friends.
281
00:13:50,617 --> 00:13:53,172
You know, here might be a good time for the Senator to take her jacket off.
282
00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:55,528
- Oh.
- Take her jacket off?
283
00:13:56,566 --> 00:13:58,043
Okay, it's no big deal. No big deal.
284
00:13:58,842 --> 00:14:00,279
That is just ridiculous.
285
00:14:05,988 --> 00:14:07,585
And now Carmen moves in really close.
286
00:14:14,732 --> 00:14:16,848
Uh, could we take a break? I-I-I forgot my line here.
287
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:19,803
The script just says "ad-lib heavy breathing."
288
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:24,514
Man, that's good writing.
289
00:14:28,347 --> 00:14:30,383
Okay, can you guys hold that position while we adjust the cameras?
290
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:31,860
Great.
291
00:14:33,098 --> 00:14:36,851
Wow, I am really feeling the heat. You are a great actress.
292
00:14:37,729 --> 00:14:38,368
I'm not acting.
293
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,484
We're going to have sex today.
294
00:14:44,157 --> 00:14:45,155
245...
295
00:14:54,897 --> 00:14:56,574
Get me, I'm Annie Hall.
296
00:14:57,373 --> 00:15:00,806
Okay, so guess what, I broke a framed picture of his mother,
297
00:15:00,926 --> 00:15:04,479
I changed all the clocks to be ten minutes slow so he'll always be late
298
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:07,234
and then I made it so that his TiVo will only record wrestling.
299
00:15:07,753 --> 00:15:08,632
Ooh, that's good.
300
00:15:08,712 --> 00:15:11,227
Do a bunch of mean things and then one nice thing to throw him off.
301
00:15:13,063 --> 00:15:14,780
God, this place is a mess. Have we gone too far?
302
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,016
Don't soften. I need you to be strong.
303
00:15:17,056 --> 00:15:19,172
We're going to get through this together. Right?
304
00:15:20,689 --> 00:15:22,166
What the hell, is...?
305
00:15:24,961 --> 00:15:26,199
Oh, my God.
306
00:15:27,397 --> 00:15:28,275
You know.
307
00:15:29,473 --> 00:15:30,072
Yeah.
308
00:15:30,870 --> 00:15:33,226
What did you do to my viola?
309
00:15:38,296 --> 00:15:41,570
Alex, I am so sorry.
310
00:15:42,449 --> 00:15:45,044
I feel badly about what I did. It was a terrible mistake.
311
00:15:45,363 --> 00:15:47,000
And if I could take it back I would.
312
00:15:47,799 --> 00:15:48,358
But...
313
00:15:49,476 --> 00:15:52,430
all I can do is say that I am very, very sorry.
314
00:15:55,544 --> 00:15:57,381
Well... that's something.
315
00:15:59,257 --> 00:15:59,816
Well, it is something.
316
00:16:02,012 --> 00:16:03,330
Could you at least stop cutting those?
317
00:16:03,649 --> 00:16:04,088
No.
318
00:16:06,843 --> 00:16:10,996
Look, Alex, you have to try and look at this from my perspective, you know.
319
00:16:11,155 --> 00:16:13,151
I mean, you wanted the separation.
320
00:16:13,471 --> 00:16:14,549
You forced me into it.
321
00:16:14,828 --> 00:16:17,024
Wha... what are you saying?
322
00:16:17,982 --> 00:16:20,099
Look, what I did was wrong, you know,
323
00:16:20,418 --> 00:16:23,412
but you have to take some responsibility here, honey.
324
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,409
It's kind of your fault, too.
325
00:16:30,559 --> 00:16:31,917
Gina, you can go.
326
00:16:32,635 --> 00:16:34,991
- You sure?
- Yeah, I got this.
327
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,662
Um, excuse me, I think that's my wine.
328
00:16:40,061 --> 00:16:42,617
Yes, but you gave it to me as a sign of respect.
329
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:44,493
Enjoy.
330
00:16:48,486 --> 00:16:49,803
You turned down Carmen Electra.
331
00:16:50,282 --> 00:16:51,520
Like, how did you do it?
332
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,596
I did anything I could to distract myself.
333
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:55,153
You know, I thought about Sara,
334
00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:56,151
I thought about baseball,
335
00:16:56,471 --> 00:16:57,309
I thought about sandwiches.
336
00:16:57,908 --> 00:17:00,503
This may not have been my best performance.
337
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:03,418
Okay, look, let's take any more chances.
338
00:17:03,737 --> 00:17:05,853
Go get the car and get me out of here.
339
00:17:06,013 --> 00:17:07,051
I won't feel safe until I get home.
340
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,087
- All right, you got it.
- Okay.
341
00:17:22,143 --> 00:17:23,341
Joey Tribbiani's girlfriend.
342
00:17:24,339 --> 00:17:25,337
Oh, that's nice to hear.
343
00:17:26,016 --> 00:17:29,170
Look, I just called because I wanted to hear your voice.
344
00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:36,037
And also, I want you to know that I would never do anything to...
345
00:17:36,157 --> 00:17:37,155
I'm going to have to call you back.
346
00:17:40,030 --> 00:17:41,627
- Hi, Joey.
- Wow.
347
00:17:42,785 --> 00:17:44,382
What are you doing here?
348
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:46,498
I didn't have a shower in my dressing room,
349
00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,654
and I thought you might want to see me naked.
350
00:17:51,768 --> 00:17:52,846
Wow, you're like a mind reader.
351
00:17:57,158 --> 00:17:59,992
I've just had a crush on you for such a long time.
352
00:18:00,751 --> 00:18:01,270
Me, too.
353
00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:04,584
I still use your 1998 Baywatch calendar 'cause it's so hot.
354
00:18:06,979 --> 00:18:09,135
I've missed Christmas for the last four years in a row,
355
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,174
but it's overrated anyway.
356
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,290
Then let's do this.
357
00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:14,925
But I just started a relationship.
358
00:18:15,603 --> 00:18:17,240
Then this will just be between us.
359
00:18:18,478 --> 00:18:19,436
No one has to know.
360
00:18:20,035 --> 00:18:22,031
Honey, we're both going to want to tell people about this.
361
00:18:26,303 --> 00:18:26,783
Look, I'm sorry.
362
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,739
This girl's too great for me to risk messing things up.
363
00:18:29,218 --> 00:18:30,536
I hope you'll be okay.
364
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:33,450
Let's not get carried away. I'll be okay.
365
00:18:36,485 --> 00:18:39,399
Well, it's nice to know you're a one-woman guy.
366
00:18:39,599 --> 00:18:41,116
Well, thanks.
367
00:18:41,435 --> 00:18:42,553
Didn't know I had this kind of willpower.
368
00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:45,907
I mean, if I can resist you, I can resist anything.
369
00:18:50,419 --> 00:18:52,495
- Carmy, there you are.
- Hi...
370
00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:56,128
Oh, Joey, this is my friend Elsa.
371
00:18:58,124 --> 00:18:59,242
Oh, Drake Ramoray.
372
00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:02,676
I'm a big fan. You are huge in Iceland.
373
00:19:08,665 --> 00:19:09,862
Maybe we can share him.
374
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:11,340
Oh, come on!
375
00:19:22,718 --> 00:19:23,597
Hey. What's going on?
376
00:19:24,715 --> 00:19:25,912
I talked to Eric, and, uh...
377
00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:27,869
it's not going to work out.
378
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,504
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
379
00:19:31,622 --> 00:19:32,540
Can I get you anything, Alex?
380
00:19:32,899 --> 00:19:35,535
You know, I think I could use some of that wine you took.
381
00:19:36,453 --> 00:19:37,012
Uh...
382
00:19:37,491 --> 00:19:41,044
You drank it all?
383
00:19:41,204 --> 00:19:42,681
Well, you were gone for like 20 minutes.
384
00:19:44,638 --> 00:19:45,436
Hey, hey, you know what?
385
00:19:46,155 --> 00:19:47,353
I was saving it for a special occasion,
386
00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:49,508
but I've got a bottle of champagne in the fridge.
387
00:19:49,868 --> 00:19:51,824
What say we pop it open and we'll toast new beginnings.
388
00:19:53,301 --> 00:19:54,020
Huh...
389
00:19:58,651 --> 00:19:59,769
If it makes you feel any better,
390
00:20:00,049 --> 00:20:02,484
I didn't sleep with Carmen Electra today.
391
00:20:05,519 --> 00:20:06,237
It kind of does.
392
00:20:11,468 --> 00:20:16,019
Synchro: Jeanswey
Transcript: RaceMan
www.forom.com
393
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:19,493
So we're still on for tonight.
394
00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:21,649
Yeah. Let me go put my stuff down and we can get going.
395
00:20:22,567 --> 00:20:26,080
You don't happen to have any islandic in you, do you?
396
00:20:26,999 --> 00:20:29,195
Actually my grandfather was born in Iceland.
397
00:20:29,554 --> 00:20:30,512
Cool!
398
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:32,948
- See you!
- Okay!
399
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,817
I think that counts!
400
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:45,669
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