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1
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Hang on, Lizzy!
2
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I can't walk! It's too hard!
3
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Then I'll carry you off this mountain.
4
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I'll carry you for as long as it takes to get you home.
5
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Cut!
6
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Man, how heavy is that kid? What, does she got weights in her pockets?!
7
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Yeah, we'll finish this after lunch, people.
8
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Okay. Have a nice lunch.
9
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Maybe just a salad.
10
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Hey, Joey.
11
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Bobbie, hey.
12
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Hey, everyone, this is my agent Bobbie.
13
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Hello, everyone.
14
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I just watched your last scene.
15
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Wow! You're all so lucky to have work.
16
00:00:39,145 --> 00:00:41,142
So, what do you think? You excited to do it?
17
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,620
What are you talking about?
18
00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:43,899
Did I not tell you?
19
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I'm a little off.
20
00:00:45,537 --> 00:00:48,373
I was at the gate looking through my purse for my wallet,
21
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and I accidentally tasered myself.
22
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,565
Oh, yeah. So, what's the news?
23
00:00:54,725 --> 00:00:57,242
Well, The Tonight Show had a cancellation for tomorrow,
24
00:00:57,442 --> 00:01:00,398
and they called to ask me if I had anyone who could fill in.
25
00:01:00,797 --> 00:01:03,274
I suggested you, and they said yes!
26
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You're kidding!
27
00:01:04,153 --> 00:01:05,951
I'm as stunned as you are!
28
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,548
I'm going to be on The Tonight Show?
29
00:01:08,628 --> 00:01:09,906
- Yes!
- Oh, my God!
30
00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:11,424
This is unbelievable!
31
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This is, like, one of those moments I've dreamed of my whole life.
32
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The only thing bigger than this would be--
33
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I don't know-- like, making my Oscar speech.
34
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Oscar?
35
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Did you get tasered, too?
36
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:29,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
37
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:04,478
It's 4:00 in the morning. Shouldn't you be in bed?
Tomorrow's your big day.
38
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Can't sleep. I'm too nervous.
39
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Don't bother. I ate it.
40
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:12,907
You don't feel like watching it again, do you?
41
00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:13,746
Sure.
42
00:02:14,945 --> 00:02:17,382
Tune in tomorrow night. My guests will be Colin Farrell,
43
00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:20,458
Deep Powder's Joey Tribbiani and musical guest Maroon 5.
44
00:02:20,538 --> 00:02:21,536
It's a good show.
45
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,493
Didn't he sound kind of excited when he said my name?
46
00:02:24,653 --> 00:02:26,251
I'll bet you he can't sleep, either.
47
00:02:27,050 --> 00:02:28,568
I still can't believe it.
48
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:30,965
Tomorrow night, I am going to be sitting on that couch.
49
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Is it lame that I'm this nervous?
50
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No. No, this is huge.
51
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But, Joey, you're going to be great.
52
00:02:38,515 --> 00:02:41,312
Well, thanks. Yeah.
It's just when I was a kid,
53
00:02:41,432 --> 00:02:44,028
I used to dream about being on The Tonight Show, you know?
54
00:02:44,148 --> 00:02:45,427
Johnny Carson would introduce me,
55
00:02:45,546 --> 00:02:48,623
and I'd come out, and he'd say, "How you doing, Joey?"
And I'd say, "Just great, Johnny."
56
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,579
And now that day is finally here, and I'm...
57
00:02:51,659 --> 00:02:53,217
I'm so scared, 'cause...
58
00:02:53,297 --> 00:02:55,134
'Cause you're afraid you're going to say Johnny's name instead of Jay's?
59
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It could so happen.
60
00:03:02,645 --> 00:03:03,724
I spoke to Mom.
61
00:03:03,764 --> 00:03:05,082
Everyone's so excited.
62
00:03:05,202 --> 00:03:07,000
They're all going to watch you over at Mary Angela's
63
00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:09,516
except for Mary Teresa, who has to be home to watch Nightline.
64
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That bitch with her current events.
65
00:03:12,712 --> 00:03:14,630
People in the building are excited, too.
66
00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:15,269
Oh, really?
67
00:03:15,389 --> 00:03:18,026
Yeah, well, it's a solid two hours they know you won't be in the hot tub.
68
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Got your suit.
69
00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:21,741
Oh, great. Thanks.
70
00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,538
Did you know that there was a woman's number in the pocket?
71
00:03:24,617 --> 00:03:25,696
Oh, my God.
72
00:03:26,056 --> 00:03:28,413
To find a number I thought I'd lost forever.
73
00:03:28,772 --> 00:03:30,850
It's like the beginning of a great romantic movie.
74
00:03:30,890 --> 00:03:32,048
Oh, her? No.
75
00:03:33,886 --> 00:03:35,604
So, do you have your stories prepared yet?
76
00:03:35,764 --> 00:03:36,962
Oh, well, yeah, I got a few choices.
77
00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:38,240
Hey, tell me what you guys think.
78
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,396
Um, it's a couple years ago at Halloween, and I'm going as the Grinch.
79
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- Cute.
- Love it.
80
00:03:42,875 --> 00:03:44,672
So I meet this girl at a party,
81
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:48,388
and because I'm a little drunk and she's wearing a Catwoman mask,
82
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I just assume that she's pretty.
83
00:03:50,345 --> 00:03:51,704
- Stop.
- Ew.
84
00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:54,180
Wait a minute, I didn't even get to the funny part yet.
85
00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:56,458
So it turns out she was only 17...
86
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,414
Uh, maybe a different story.
87
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,811
Um... oh, okay, well, I know a joke.
88
00:04:02,011 --> 00:04:03,768
This old French whore walks into a bar...
89
00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:05,047
Yeah, I don't think she does.
90
00:04:05,926 --> 00:04:07,244
No, no, no. Not on The Tonight Show.
91
00:04:07,364 --> 00:04:10,680
Joey, you got to have something other than dirty jokes and sex stories.
92
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,957
Oh, like a heartwarming family story?
93
00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:14,036
Exactly.
94
00:04:14,115 --> 00:04:15,394
Okay. Oh, here's something.
95
00:04:15,474 --> 00:04:18,470
Uh, one of my sisters breast-fed her kid until he was seven.
96
00:04:20,947 --> 00:04:22,785
So, what happened to this French whore?
97
00:04:28,657 --> 00:04:31,294
Jay, Jay... Jay...
98
00:04:32,173 --> 00:04:34,690
Hi, Jay. I'm Joey. Johnny. Oh!
99
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:37,726
Oh, you had it.
100
00:04:37,806 --> 00:04:39,524
Well, I think that's as close as I'm going to get.
101
00:04:39,843 --> 00:04:41,961
I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do when I'm there.
102
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,798
- Should I break-dance?
- No.
103
00:04:43,878 --> 00:04:45,157
- Bird calls?
- No.
104
00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:47,833
- An impersonation of Jay?
- Really, definitely no.
105
00:04:48,752 --> 00:04:51,029
Seriously, Michael, could you drive any slower?
106
00:04:51,109 --> 00:04:52,507
There's a lot of traffic.
107
00:04:52,707 --> 00:04:54,625
Well, I can't be late. I go on in an hour.
108
00:04:54,904 --> 00:04:56,303
There should be a Tonight Show lane!
109
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:01,017
Hey, that guy in the red truck just cut you off!
110
00:05:01,097 --> 00:05:02,135
Pull up next to him and give him the finger.
111
00:05:02,215 --> 00:05:03,693
- No!
- Why not?
112
00:05:03,813 --> 00:05:05,212
Because it's stupid.
113
00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,848
You know, I don't insult the things that you do.
114
00:05:09,087 --> 00:05:10,605
Now, come on, flip him off.
115
00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:12,922
Mom, no. I've never given anyone the finger in my life.
116
00:05:13,122 --> 00:05:13,921
Never?
117
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:15,678
That's the Tribbiani handshake.
118
00:05:16,877 --> 00:05:19,474
Look, you're never going to see him again.
Just do it.
119
00:05:19,833 --> 00:05:21,471
- What are you, scared?
- No, I...
120
00:05:21,551 --> 00:05:24,068
Are you a baby? Are you a big baby?
121
00:05:25,466 --> 00:05:27,384
You are the best mom ever.
122
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:30,300
Michael, just do it. Otherwise, she's never going to leave you alone.
123
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,738
Okay, okay.
124
00:05:34,055 --> 00:05:35,574
There, you happy now?
125
00:05:35,613 --> 00:05:36,692
- How'd it feel?
- Pretty good.
126
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,089
Can you believe this?
127
00:05:39,449 --> 00:05:41,087
Michael gave a guy the finger,
128
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,645
and you're going to be on The Tonight Show.
129
00:05:42,725 --> 00:05:44,083
Let us remember this day.
130
00:05:47,319 --> 00:05:48,877
We're slowing down.
131
00:05:49,236 --> 00:05:50,395
What's the big deal?
132
00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:52,432
Well, you said I'd never see this guy again.
133
00:05:52,592 --> 00:05:53,911
Now we're stopping right next to each other.
134
00:05:57,346 --> 00:05:59,464
Oh, great, we can take it to the next level: swearing. Gina?
135
00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,658
Hmm... Oh, I know.
136
00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:04,897
No, Mom, no, no, no.
137
00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:07,334
Just... we're not moving.
138
00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:09,052
Is he still right next to me?
139
00:06:09,211 --> 00:06:10,370
Pretty much.
140
00:06:12,727 --> 00:06:14,005
Oh, my God.
141
00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:15,284
The guy's staring at me.
142
00:06:15,364 --> 00:06:17,082
Well, sure, Michael. You gave him the finger.
143
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,556
Hey, look up ahead. People are getting out of their cars.
144
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,434
Why are they getting out of their cars?
145
00:06:23,553 --> 00:06:25,511
Oh, my God... I can't be late.
146
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:27,429
I'll find out what's going on.
147
00:06:27,509 --> 00:06:28,707
I'm good with people.
148
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:31,344
Hey! What the hell?!
149
00:06:34,739 --> 00:06:35,578
Hello?
150
00:06:35,738 --> 00:06:38,415
Joey? Oh! I'm so glad I caught you.
151
00:06:38,495 --> 00:06:40,892
There is a major traffic jam on the freeway.
152
00:06:41,291 --> 00:06:43,209
Do not take the 101.
153
00:06:43,289 --> 00:06:44,887
I'm already on the 101.
154
00:06:44,967 --> 00:06:47,923
Oh, you actors never listen!
155
00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:51,558
Well, just get your ass over here.
156
00:06:53,476 --> 00:06:54,874
You are not going to believe it.
157
00:06:54,954 --> 00:06:55,513
What?
158
00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,072
I just met the hottest guy!
159
00:06:59,788 --> 00:07:03,543
Oh, dirty hair, great arms, drives an El Camino...
160
00:07:04,662 --> 00:07:06,260
Gina, what about the traffic?
161
00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:11,254
Oh... well, a truck jack-knifed, flipped over, spilled stuff everywhere.
162
00:07:11,613 --> 00:07:13,851
The driver's okay, but I bet he is so fired.
163
00:07:14,849 --> 00:07:16,407
Well, so what does this mean?
164
00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:18,605
Well, they closed all five lanes till they could clean it up.
165
00:07:18,844 --> 00:07:20,123
It's going to be about an hour.
166
00:07:20,562 --> 00:07:21,761
An hour?!
167
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,397
I can't wait that long.
168
00:07:24,717 --> 00:07:25,796
All right, I'm going to have to run for it.
169
00:07:25,915 --> 00:07:28,272
- How far away are we?
- Like, nine miles.
170
00:07:28,512 --> 00:07:30,390
Okay, nine miles in 45 minutes.
171
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:31,508
Can I do that?
172
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,666
Are you a Kenyan man with a number on your back?
173
00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:38,220
I don't know what that means.
174
00:07:39,099 --> 00:07:40,337
All right, I'm going to give it a shot.
175
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,769
Aggravated an old injury.
176
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,687
- What, football?
- No, no, threesome.
177
00:07:50,565 --> 00:07:52,562
All right. I'm never going to make it there on foot.
178
00:07:52,762 --> 00:07:55,239
Oh, I'm going to call Bobbie and see what my options are.
179
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,274
Oh... Hello?
180
00:08:00,992 --> 00:08:02,869
Bobbie, is that you?
181
00:08:03,189 --> 00:08:04,986
I just tasered myself again.
182
00:08:06,984 --> 00:08:10,300
I think, on some level, I may be doing it on purpose.
183
00:08:11,179 --> 00:08:14,455
Look, I need you to find out what The Tonight Show does if someone's late.
184
00:08:14,854 --> 00:08:17,571
Oh, I am so on it. Hold on.
185
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,964
Mom, what are you doing?
186
00:08:23,244 --> 00:08:25,481
I want a picture of you and the first guy you ever gave the finger to.
187
00:08:26,999 --> 00:08:29,476
I'd tell him to smile, but I don't think that's happening.
188
00:08:32,073 --> 00:08:33,071
Huh?
189
00:08:33,711 --> 00:08:34,829
What?
190
00:08:35,109 --> 00:08:37,066
His license plate says: "JUDOMAN."
191
00:08:38,944 --> 00:08:41,541
Ah, he's not that big. He can't be JUDOMAN.
192
00:08:45,576 --> 00:08:47,174
That's JUDOMAN.
193
00:08:50,010 --> 00:08:50,969
-Joey.
-Yeah.
194
00:08:51,089 --> 00:08:54,485
I talked to the producers, and it turns out if you're late,
195
00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:58,559
they give away your spot, and you're banned from the show for life.
196
00:08:58,679 --> 00:08:59,918
That's terrible!
197
00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:01,556
Isn't there anything else you can do?
198
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:06,230
Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to crawl there?!
199
00:09:15,898 --> 00:09:17,296
Okay, I have to get there now.
200
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:19,293
Otherwise, I'm never going to be on The Tonight Show.
201
00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:22,170
I got 40 minutes. All right, let's brainstorm.
202
00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:24,127
What are some ways I can get the hell out of here?
203
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,724
I know it's crazy, but maybe
204
00:09:26,964 --> 00:09:29,081
we can get one of these news helicopters to come down and pick you up.
205
00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:30,959
That's great! We just got to get their attention.
206
00:09:31,318 --> 00:09:34,554
Uh... oh! Let's lie on the pavement and use our bodies to spell out
207
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,712
"Joey Tribbiani needs to get to The Tonight Show fast."
208
00:09:36,832 --> 00:09:37,950
I'll be the "J."
209
00:09:39,069 --> 00:09:40,986
What? This is ridiculous.
210
00:09:41,186 --> 00:09:42,425
Well, you got any other ideas?
211
00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:45,381
That hot guy in the El Camino seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.
212
00:09:45,421 --> 00:09:46,539
I'll just check in with him.
213
00:09:46,659 --> 00:09:48,936
How will that help me get to The Tonight Show?
214
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:53,011
Okay, look, he asked me to stop by and hang out if I had some time.
215
00:09:53,131 --> 00:09:55,408
I'm sorry, you have a date in a traffic jam?
216
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,325
Don't put so much pressure on it.
217
00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:01,960
Um... not that this isn't a great idea in every other way,
218
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,478
but aren't you dating Joey's assistant?
219
00:10:03,598 --> 00:10:06,355
Look, Glen's great, but there's no ring on this finger.
220
00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:08,951
Oh, that's hilarious.
221
00:10:09,031 --> 00:10:10,789
They think I'm flipping them off again.
222
00:10:12,027 --> 00:10:13,785
Mom, put it down!
223
00:10:13,825 --> 00:10:15,024
All right, I'll be back.
224
00:10:19,378 --> 00:10:20,737
They won't stop staring at me!
225
00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:22,854
They didn't even ogle my mom when she walked away.
226
00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:24,971
- Well, they're probably gay.
- Oh, yeah, they heard that.
227
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:29,605
This is a Chinese black dragon.
228
00:10:31,124 --> 00:10:34,360
And this means Flower of Chaos.
229
00:10:34,879 --> 00:10:37,915
"Flower of Chaos." I've been called that.
230
00:10:39,393 --> 00:10:41,111
That is so hot.
231
00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,308
Speaking of hot, huh?
232
00:10:43,388 --> 00:10:45,585
Yeah, I know. It's got to be 90 today.
233
00:10:45,785 --> 00:10:47,303
What are you gonna do?
234
00:10:47,783 --> 00:10:49,341
Nothin' but sweat.
235
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:51,977
Wow!
236
00:10:53,336 --> 00:10:55,054
- You like music?
- Sure.
237
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,292
What's your favorite band?
238
00:10:56,492 --> 00:10:59,129
- Do you know Whitesnake?
- No way.
239
00:10:59,488 --> 00:11:01,845
I just got the Japanese release of "Slip of the Tongue."
240
00:11:02,724 --> 00:11:04,122
No way! How is it?
241
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:05,161
I got it in my car.
242
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,037
Don't go anywhere.
243
00:11:08,477 --> 00:11:09,875
Don't worry, I won't.
244
00:11:10,474 --> 00:11:13,191
- 'Cause of the traffic.
- That's right.
245
00:11:16,347 --> 00:11:18,544
Hey, anything happen up there yet?
246
00:11:18,664 --> 00:11:20,342
Nah, they're still clearing the road.
247
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:25,176
- Nice car.
- Thanks.
248
00:11:26,974 --> 00:11:28,891
You got air conditioning in there?
249
00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:31,248
Yeah.
250
00:11:31,528 --> 00:11:33,366
What's that, bottled water?
251
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,720
You want to come in for some?
252
00:11:39,718 --> 00:11:42,155
Well... just for a little bit.
253
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:46,869
So, did you get that lady to give you her horse?
254
00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:47,588
No.
255
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,504
And the family in the minivan wouldn't loan me their big dog, either.
256
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,097
That's it-- a motorcycle!
257
00:11:56,137 --> 00:11:57,256
I just need to get a motorcycle!
258
00:11:57,456 --> 00:11:58,334
That shouldn't be too hard.
259
00:11:58,414 --> 00:12:00,971
I think that old lady in the Acura is going to be opening up a shop.
260
00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:03,288
Yeah. That's funny.
261
00:12:03,408 --> 00:12:05,006
You know who'd get a chuckle out of that? JUDOMAN.
262
00:12:07,523 --> 00:12:11,278
Mr. Tanaka, the government holds several documents with your signature
263
00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,515
implicating you in your company's misconduct.
264
00:12:15,713 --> 00:12:17,910
Hopefully, that's the translator.
265
00:12:19,148 --> 00:12:20,427
Alex Garrett.
266
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,625
You got to get me a motorcycle!
267
00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:23,463
It is not the translator.
268
00:12:24,182 --> 00:12:27,218
No, it's me, Joey.Look, I'm stuck in traffic on the 101,
269
00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:29,216
and the only way I can get to The Tonight Show is with a motorcycle.
270
00:12:29,535 --> 00:12:31,333
Where am I supposed to get a motorcycle?
271
00:12:31,413 --> 00:12:33,690
I don't know; someone at your firm's got to have one.
272
00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:36,007
Don't a lot of lawyers ride motorcycles on the weekend
273
00:12:36,087 --> 00:12:37,885
so their lives don't seem so empty and boring?
274
00:12:39,283 --> 00:12:40,162
Oh.
275
00:12:40,881 --> 00:12:42,239
I got to go.
276
00:12:44,636 --> 00:12:46,554
- Okay, I got a big problem.
- Do ya?
277
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:51,628
So... this El Camino guy is totally my type:
278
00:12:51,787 --> 00:12:54,304
very sexy; we have tons of stuff in common.
279
00:12:54,384 --> 00:12:55,982
But then I met this other guy in a Mercedes.
280
00:12:56,462 --> 00:12:58,459
Safe, kind of boring,
281
00:12:58,739 --> 00:13:01,136
but has leather seats softer than my skin.
282
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,212
I just don't know what to do.
283
00:13:04,532 --> 00:13:06,010
They're both so great, but so different!
284
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,247
I mean, do I follow my heart or opt for security?
285
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,324
You been gone ten minutes!
286
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:13,281
Oh, officer, officer!
287
00:13:13,321 --> 00:13:14,719
Look, uh, I'm an actor,
288
00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:16,317
and I'm supposed to be on The Tonight Show in...
289
00:13:16,397 --> 00:13:17,435
a half an hour!
290
00:13:17,475 --> 00:13:18,274
Is there any way you could give me a ride?
291
00:13:18,434 --> 00:13:19,952
You're on The Tonight Show?
292
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,829
Wait a second-- you're Tony Danza!
293
00:13:25,186 --> 00:13:26,384
Yes, I am.
294
00:13:26,664 --> 00:13:27,982
Well, I'll tell you what.
295
00:13:28,102 --> 00:13:30,739
I'm going past there anyway. I'll drop you off.
296
00:13:30,899 --> 00:13:32,616
This is great! Thank you!
297
00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:34,814
Sir, you got to get down from there.
298
00:13:34,973 --> 00:13:36,891
- Just a second, Mr. Danza.
- Please-- Tony.
299
00:13:38,849 --> 00:13:41,525
Oh, my God, I think it's gonna work!
300
00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:44,162
Officer Bradley, we have a 10-12.
301
00:13:44,561 --> 00:13:46,719
Oh, my God!
That's a woman going into labor.
302
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:47,757
How do you know that?
303
00:13:47,877 --> 00:13:49,795
I was a 10-12 on my way to the prom.
304
00:13:50,953 --> 00:13:54,869
Officer Bradley, proceed immediately to the blue station wagon at the 20-mile marker.
305
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,506
Oh, my God.
306
00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,384
If he goes to help that woman deliver the baby,
307
00:13:58,424 --> 00:13:59,942
I'll never make it to The Tonight Show.
308
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:02,619
He doesn't have to know.
309
00:14:04,137 --> 00:14:06,454
- No, I got to tell him.
- She'll be fine.
310
00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:09,051
Women have been having babies on freeways for thousands of years.
311
00:14:10,729 --> 00:14:11,847
That's a good point.
312
00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:13,885
Ready to roll?
313
00:14:14,883 --> 00:14:16,202
I can't do this.
314
00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:20,397
Look, officer, there's a 10-12 at the 20-mile marker. A blue station wagon.
315
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,554
Oh, my God, a 10-12? I've got to go.
316
00:14:22,873 --> 00:14:26,149
But before I do, can you give me one of your trademark catchphrases?
317
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:28,107
Uh...
318
00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:32,142
Hey, Angela, I'm your nanny now. Or whatever.
319
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:42,809
I don't want to alarm you,
320
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,684
but JUDOMAN is now kissing his muscles and wrapping his hands in tape.
321
00:14:50,918 --> 00:14:51,797
Hello?
322
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:54,913
Joey, it's ten minutes before you're supposed to go on.
323
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,471
Can you get here?
324
00:14:56,911 --> 00:14:58,389
I'm trying, I'm trying!
325
00:14:58,469 --> 00:15:01,625
I need to know now, because if you can't make,
326
00:15:01,905 --> 00:15:05,460
they're going to send out the guy from the zoo with his snake.
327
00:15:06,379 --> 00:15:07,178
Oh, man!
328
00:15:07,218 --> 00:15:09,695
I'm not going to be on the show, and I'm missing a snake?!
329
00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:15,568
Look, I'm gonna have to tell them you can't make it.
330
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:17,485
I'm sorry, honey.
331
00:15:17,925 --> 00:15:20,761
Yeah, all right, I guess you should.
332
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,797
I couldn't find a bike,
333
00:15:23,837 --> 00:15:25,835
but how do you feel about a motorized wheelchair?
334
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,232
It's too late.
335
00:15:28,272 --> 00:15:29,790
Bobbie's giving away my spot.
336
00:15:30,149 --> 00:15:31,907
It's not gonna happen.
337
00:15:32,107 --> 00:15:33,505
Oh, I'm sorry.
338
00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:35,582
Hey, you want to come with me to the Mercedes?
339
00:15:35,742 --> 00:15:38,619
You can collect yourself on the softest leather you ever felt.
340
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:41,495
I'd like that very much.
341
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:48,207
All right, I can't take this anymore.
342
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:49,565
Michael, what are you doing?
343
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,882
These guys have been staring at me for an hour, and you know what?
344
00:15:52,082 --> 00:15:55,278
The anticipation has got to be worse than anything they could actually do to me.
345
00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:58,274
Michael, have you ever been hit in the face? It's not great.
346
00:15:58,474 --> 00:15:59,752
You know what? I don't care.
347
00:15:59,872 --> 00:16:00,871
I just got to get this over with.
348
00:16:00,951 --> 00:16:03,148
So come on, JUDOMEN! Yeah, come on...
349
00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:05,465
Practice your dark arts on me!
350
00:16:06,903 --> 00:16:09,100
Oh, now that they're standing, they're not big at all.
351
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:12,057
No, no, they're just crouched in some kind of attack stance.
352
00:16:13,615 --> 00:16:14,933
All right, let's just get this over with.
353
00:16:15,013 --> 00:16:16,531
Just do what you have to do.
354
00:16:16,731 --> 00:16:18,529
Oh, we will.
355
00:16:22,364 --> 00:16:24,042
Uh, what are you doing?
356
00:16:24,321 --> 00:16:26,559
We never perform judo without stretching properly.
357
00:16:28,276 --> 00:16:30,354
This should only take about 30 minutes.
358
00:16:30,913 --> 00:16:32,751
This will not end!
359
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,507
Hey, there you are.
360
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,465
I thought you were gonna bring me back the Whitesnake tape.
361
00:16:37,545 --> 00:16:39,502
Gina, come back to the car.
362
00:16:39,622 --> 00:16:41,979
I personalized the lumbar settings on the passenger seat for you.
363
00:16:43,098 --> 00:16:44,896
Wait, you were in his car, too?
364
00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:46,214
You were in two cars?
365
00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:47,373
That we know of.
366
00:16:47,492 --> 00:16:49,969
Hey, I don't like what you're implying.
367
00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:53,165
Ooh, yeah. Right there, JUDOMAN.
368
00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:56,521
Hey, what do you know? The little one is JUDOMAN.
369
00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:58,399
Who are you calling little?
370
00:16:58,599 --> 00:16:59,997
Hey, don't be mad at me.
371
00:17:00,117 --> 00:17:02,514
She is the one who told him to give you the finger.
372
00:17:02,594 --> 00:17:03,233
Oh, did she?
373
00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:04,591
Back off, buddy; she's with me.
374
00:17:04,671 --> 00:17:05,510
I don't think she is.
375
00:17:05,590 --> 00:17:08,626
Would somebody please just punch me in the face?!
376
00:17:09,984 --> 00:17:11,183
Enough!
377
00:17:11,303 --> 00:17:12,701
None of these are problems!
378
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:14,658
I'm the only one of us with a problem, okay?
379
00:17:15,018 --> 00:17:18,214
I'm supposed to be grooving out to Maroon Five with Colin Farrell right now!
380
00:17:18,574 --> 00:17:20,491
Instead, a snake is doing it, okay?
381
00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:25,804
So, everybody just calm down, all right? You got it, Tattoo Guy, huh?
382
00:17:25,884 --> 00:17:27,522
Mercedes Guy, huh?
383
00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:28,641
JUDOMAN?
384
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,276
Guy who was sitting in the back of JUDOMAN's truck for no apparent reason?
385
00:17:33,475 --> 00:17:35,233
I was watching a DVD.
386
00:17:36,112 --> 00:17:37,949
You got a DVD in there?
387
00:17:43,582 --> 00:17:45,340
Oh! I can't believe I found you!
388
00:17:46,219 --> 00:17:46,818
Alex?
389
00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:49,615
You wanted a motorcycle, I got you a motorcycle.
390
00:17:50,494 --> 00:17:52,171
You call this a motorcycle?
391
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:55,567
Do you know what I had to go through to get you this?!
392
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:58,763
I had to borrow it from the cleaning lady at our office,
393
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:01,879
who hates me, even though I have been nothing but nice to her!
394
00:18:02,159 --> 00:18:03,837
On the way here, I have been
395
00:18:03,997 --> 00:18:08,271
yelled at, sworn at, honked at, and I lost my shoe!
396
00:18:08,751 --> 00:18:11,787
But if this isn't enough of a motorcycle for you, then I guess I can just...
397
00:18:11,907 --> 00:18:14,064
No, no, no, no! It's great, it's great, it's great. I love it! I love it!
398
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:15,542
Yeah! You're damn right you do!
399
00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:19,457
Okay, all right, here, call Bobbie and tell her I'm on my way.
400
00:18:19,617 --> 00:18:21,615
- Wait-- the helmet.
- I'm not wearing that.
401
00:18:21,695 --> 00:18:23,332
- Safety first!
- Okay, okay.
402
00:18:23,572 --> 00:18:24,930
All right, wish me luck.
403
00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:26,608
Good luck, Joey!
404
00:19:09,195 --> 00:19:12,032
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Joey Tribbiani!
405
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:26,334
Joey... Okay, stop. That's enough.
406
00:19:34,803 --> 00:19:36,721
please welcome Joey Tribbiani!
407
00:19:39,397 --> 00:19:41,195
joey you look great
408
00:19:43,033 --> 00:19:45,110
So how long do you hug him for?
409
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,667
It goes on for quite a while.
410
00:19:48,346 --> 00:19:51,462
In about a minute, Colin Farrell comes out to try to peel me off him.
411
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:54,019
But you were on the Tonight Show.
412
00:19:54,299 --> 00:19:55,417
I was on the Tonight Show.
413
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:58,214
See right there where Jay kinda shakes his head at me.
414
00:19:58,294 --> 00:19:59,412
Is that where you called him Johnny?
415
00:19:59,492 --> 00:20:00,850
That is where.
416
00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:07,765
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