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1
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Joey, it's late.
2
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What is the tenant emergency?
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I swear, it's important.
4
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It is so warm in L.A.,
5
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that I am not feeling the Christmas spirit!
6
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Okay, my beeper is for emergencies, okay?
7
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It is not for talking about the holidays,
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or for when you're in the hot tub and can't reach a towel.
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Or... for when you're out of jelly.
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But you brought the jelly, right?
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- Yes.
- Thanks.
12
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Okay, now, uh, I just have a few simple ideas
13
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on how to make the apartment more festive.
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You don't have to do anything-- I just need your approval.
15
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Okay.
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Uh, "Can I dress your cat like a reindeer?"
17
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No.
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I'm sorry. May I dress your cat like a reindeer?
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No.
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Okay. All right.
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"When do you freeze the hot tub for skating?"
22
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Never. That's impossible.
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"Impossible" or "Mmm, possible"?
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Okay, why don't you let me look at your list, and I'll tell you what you can do.
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No.
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No!
27
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I don't know what a "live snowman" is.
28
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That is offensive to non-Christians.
29
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And that is offensive to everyone.
30
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Oh, come on, you got to give me something.
31
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Well... you can do this-- get a tree and some lights.
32
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All right, well, that's a start, but...
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Look, I know, I know I'm all worked up about it,
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but it's my first holiday season in L.A., and... it doesn't feel right, okay?
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So we all have to work that much harder to make it special.
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It's like I said when I was in A Christmas Carol.
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Figgy pudding!
38
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Figgy pudding for sale!
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I had a really small part.
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
41
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Hi. I'm Joey Tribbiani.
42
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I have a meeting with the Executive Producer.
43
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I'm Tracy, Lauren's assistant.
44
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Ah. Oh, uh, who's Lauren?
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The Executive Producer.
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Oh, right. Sorry, I'm a little nervous. It's nice to meet you, Lauren.
47
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Um... why don't you just go in?
48
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- Hey.
- Hi.
49
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Wow. You're the Executive Producer?
50
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Good thing I didn't see you outside. I probably would've hit on you.
51
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You did.
52
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Before one of your auditions,
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you asked me to go back to your place and split a candy bar.
54
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You were smart to say no. There was no candy bar.
55
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We haven't been formally introduced.
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I'm Lauren Beck, and I'm thrilled to be working with you.
57
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Oh, yeah... oh, yeah. Oh.
58
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I'm sorry, what's the deal with the tissue?
59
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Oh, I'm a little compulsive, especially when I get nervous.
60
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Oh, hey, that's totally normal-- I'm compulsive, too.
61
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I wash my hands almost every day.
62
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It used to be much worse--
63
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when I came into the office, I'd have to open and close the drawers a hundred times,
64
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and then I'd constantly rush home and check hen was off.
65
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Hey, that's actually a good idea.
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I have an aunt,
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she left her oven on, burned her house down-- she lost everything.
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Tracy?!
69
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I'm gonna you to to go back to my hou and check the oven again.
70
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You know, if you left it on, it's probably already too late.
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What are you doing?
72
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Listen,
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the reason I called you in is, we're having a press junket,
74
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and I'm gonna need you to be front and center as our sexiest cast member
75
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I bet you say that to all the cast members.
76
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Yes, I do.
77
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Anyway, they're gonna ask you some questions, just be polite and charming.
78
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You know, you might want to think of some funny material.
79
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Oh! How about this?
80
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What is the deal with the kiwi, huh?
81
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Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable?
82
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It's a fruit.
83
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Anyway, you'll do great.
84
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And we just got the first script, and it's amazing.
85
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There's some twists in here that will blow your mind.
86
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Really? Can I take it?
87
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Uh, just keep it between us, 'cause you're the first one to see it.
88
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Is that 'cause I'm the sexiest cast member?
89
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No, it's because you got your germs on it and I don't want it back.
90
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God, I'm so hot!
91
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Then take off the hat and the parka.
92
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No. This is what I've worn every time I've picked out a good tree.
93
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When people see you guys dressed like that, you know what they think?
94
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They think, "These people have no Christmas spirit."
95
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You know what they think when they see me?
96
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"That guy from Days of our Lives is homeless"?
97
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I'm sorry, but I am trying to get into the holiday spirit, okay?
98
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Is this how you normally buy a tree, in summer clothes?
99
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Actually, we haven't gotten a tree since Michael was little.
100
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What? Why not?
101
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Christmas is only fun when you have kids and they believe in that Christmas magic.
102
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He figured out the deal with Santa when he was three.
103
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Yeah, it's just basic math.
104
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It would be impossible for Santa to visit all the children of the world in one night,
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even if you assume a generous 50% naughty rate.
106
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Well, those of who love Christmas are not gonna let you and math
107
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and your friend, the sun, ruin our holiday.
108
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Who are we, people?!
109
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Joey, why are you shouting?
110
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Am I shouting? I think I'm having a stroke.
111
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Can we please just choose a tree and get out of here?
112
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Fine.
113
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Greetings.
114
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So...
115
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what are we looking at here, Douglas fir or spruce?
116
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I don't know, I'm just a stock boy at the supermarket.
117
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Oh! Do you carry a fortified wine called "The Fist"?
118
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Gina! Focus. Okay? Now, let's take a look hese things.
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No.
120
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No.
121
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No, this one's trying too hard.
122
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Aw, pick one!
123
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What's the difference? It's just gonna die.
124
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Oh, well, you could say the same thing about Michael here,
125
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but you don't love him any less.
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This tree has got to be perfect.
127
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It's my favorite thing about Christmas.
128
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Except for Rudolph.
129
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Okay, let's just assume for a second that a nose can glow, right?
130
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In order to produce enough light to actually guide a sleigh...
131
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Shut it!
132
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You are ruining Christmas for all these little kids!
133
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What kids?
134
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Are you talking about the trees?
135
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I got to find some shade.
136
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Hey, sorry I'm late. The press conference hasn't started yet, has it?
137
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I had to buy a Christmas tree.
138
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Is there more to this excuse?
139
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- No.
- Wow.
140
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So, let me introduce you to the cast.
141
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This, of course, is Katie, your daughter.
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Hey, sexy. We still need to get that drink.
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You won't be sitting next to one another.
144
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This is Bodie.
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He plays a ski instructor.
146
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'Sup?
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- Hey, Bodie.
- Oh, man, I love you!
148
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Oh, you know me from Days of Our Lives?
149
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No, I just think you're awesome.
150
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This is Gunnar. We don't know what role he's playing, but...
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he's hot.
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Guilty.
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- Lauren, they want to start.
- Okay, let's go!
154
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Lauren, Lauren, uh, quick thing.
155
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Listen, uh, look, these kids are all newbies and I'm old pro,
156
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so should we come up with a signal
157
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in case you think I'm being too charismatic and blowing someone else off the stage?
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Good idea. How's this for a signal?
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Nice. Yeah, okay.
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All right, ladies and gentlemen,
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my name is Lauren Beck, and I'm Executive Producer of Deep Powder.
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Yeah!
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It's my pleasure to present the cast. So let's open the floor to questions.
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This question's for Bodie Blair.
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If you could say one thing to your public, what would it be?
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'Sup, public?
167
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Thank you.
168
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Hi. This is for Katie Harper.
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- Katie, what are your hobbies?
- I'm into erotic art.
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Uh, I have a couple of follow-up questions related to that.
171
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Ow! It can wait till later.
172
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Mr. Tribbiani, you got your start in the theater.
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I have a question related to that.
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Ah. Hit me.
175
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Dramaturgically speaking,
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Deep Powder is clearly a rehashing of the Lear paradigm,
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combined with elements of Aristophanes, and of course it goes without saying, Sheridan.
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Will this source material inform your portrayal of the patriarch?
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What?!
180
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The classics do permeate all modern media.
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Surely, this will coert your realization of the character.
182
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Geez, what magazine is this lady from?
183
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Is there anything you can tell us about the show?
184
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Well, yeah, yeah, I can do that, yeah.
185
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I just read the first episode,
186
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and there are some plot twists in there that will blow your mind.
187
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Like, in the first episode, this guy dies!
188
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I die?! I just bought a Ferrari!
189
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Joey, that was supposed to be a surprise!
190
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Oh, uh, okay, I'm gonna have to collect all your little notebooks.
191
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....98, 99, 100!
192
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Thanks for this, Joey.
193
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One, two...
194
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Lauren, look, I am so sorry I screwed up the the plot twist.
195
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I panicked.
196
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Didn't they ever have press junkets on Days of Our Lives?
197
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Yeah, but the producer always forgot to tell me about them.
198
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That's good producing.
199
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I'm just really disapointed, Joey. I was really counting on you.
200
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You're our most experienced actor, and you're the patriarch.
201
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Hey, hey, we're all Americans here.
202
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I want you to understand that what you did affects a lot of people.
203
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We're gonna have to throw out the script now,
204
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and I'm gonna be up all night with the writers
205
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trying to come up with a new plot twist.
206
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So, you're not gonna kill Bodie?
207
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No, which is a shame, because his transition from
208
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professional skateboarding to acting hasn't been as smooth as I'd hoped.
209
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Lauren, I'm so sorry I screwed up,
210
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but, hey, on the bright side, I helped you forget about your oven.
211
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- Tracy!
- I'll tell her on the way out.
212
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Hey, guys. Check it out. I got the perfect tree.
213
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It smells like Christmas when we were kids.
214
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And the girl selling it had crazy low jeans on.
215
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And I found a store down by the airport that carries The Fist.
216
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So are you feeling better about the press conference thing?
217
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My boss was pretty mad at me, but I'm trying not to let it get me down, you know?
218
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I mean, it is the holiday season.
219
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And as I said in a Christmas Ca.
220
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"Oy, a sixpence, Guv'nor! Thank you kindly!"
221
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Oh, Joey, looks like they sent your new script.
222
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Oh, great. All right.
223
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I'll start studying my lines now.
224
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Since I screwed up, I really need to impress my boss.
225
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So now that they can't kill Bodie, what's the new twist?
226
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Lauren wouldn't tell me, but if she's as talented as she is crazy,
227
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it's gonna be good!
228
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,630
Oh, cool, I'm in the last scene!
229
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Good for you. What are you doing?
230
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:47,070
.... ooh, I'm up on a cliff. And I'm defusing a bomb!
231
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That sounds dangerous!
232
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Oh, my God!
233
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I'm the plot twist!
234
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I can't believe they're gonna kill me.
235
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Are you sure? Does the bomb actually go off?
236
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Uh, well, I don't know. Let's see. The end is...
237
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"The last page will be distributed due to Joey Tribbiani-based security reasons."
238
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Oh! This is so bad!
239
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No, no. Calm down.
240
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People wanna fire me all the time and there's an easy way out of it.
241
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How?
242
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By falsely accusing them of sexual harassment.
243
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There's a little move I like to call "The Reverse."
244
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How dare you! I will you see you in court.
245
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See?
246
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Actually "the Reverse" paid for my space camp.
247
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,830
Gina, I am not gonna do that!
248
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Oh! Why couldn't that reporter have asked me something I could answer?
249
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I knew I should have talked about the kiwi!
250
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Joey maybe you're overreacting.
251
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,630
There's another character in this bomb scene with you,
252
00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:56,550
this guy, Charlie. Maybe they'll call him off.
253
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,470
Maybe, yeah, all right.
254
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:00,070
I'm going to go down to the set early
255
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,670
and see if I can change Lauren's mind.
256
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:03,350
And if I can't change her mind,
257
00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:04,710
then I'll just-- I'll take it like a man and...
258
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:05,750
What are you doing?
259
00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:07,870
I could ask the sama question of you, sir!
260
00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:19,390
Hey Katie!
261
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,630
Joey. I read the script. I'm sorry.
262
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,590
Maybe we can go back to my dressing room and I can cheer you up.
263
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:30,150
Oh, boy, any other time that would be great, but
264
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:34,150
I'm really not in the right place that now. You understand, don't you?
265
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:37,870
- No.
- Oh I like you.
266
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,070
Hey, dead-o.
267
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:48,550
Very funny, Gunnar. You know, you don't even have a character.
268
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:50,950
Yeah, well, at least my non-character's alive.
269
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:55,630
I should never try to match wits with Gunnar.
270
00:12:58,870 --> 00:13:02,190
Uh, hey, Lauren. Hi.
271
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:04,710
Look, I, uh... I read the script and I just want to say:
272
00:13:04,790 --> 00:13:06,430
please, please don't kill me!
273
00:13:07,470 --> 00:13:09,630
But you haven't read the last page, you might not die.
274
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,630
- Really?
- But you probably do.
275
00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:15,430
I know you're looking for a big plot twist,
276
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:17,710
but there's this other guy, Charlie, in the scene with me.
277
00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:18,950
Maybe he could die.
278
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:22,190
That's an interesting idea. Why don't I introduce you to Charlie?
279
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,510
Joey, this is Sawyer. He's playing Charlie.
280
00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:29,510
What?
281
00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:31,990
I'm eight. I'm home-schooled.
282
00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:36,750
He's adorable. You're not going to kill him. Ah, crap!
283
00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,950
That's a swear word. Put a quarter in the jar.
284
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:49,510
Oh, yeah, what a cutie. Let me make the case for killing the kid.
285
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,150
What?
286
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,590
Yeah, it's so crazy, no one would see it coming.
287
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:58,190
Now, I'm not a writer, but what if this kid is a Russian spy, yeah?
288
00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:02,590
And I tie him to the bomb and I run, and I'm all, "Eat bomb, Commie!" ?
289
00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:07,030
I don't think so. Excuse me.
290
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,110
Why so glum, chum?
291
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:18,270
Hey, Sawyer, you want to play a game?
292
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:21,590
Go over to the producer lady and tell her she left her oven on.
293
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,470
Oh, God, I wish I was Oprah.
294
00:14:32,710 --> 00:14:33,670
Me, too.
295
00:14:37,150 --> 00:14:39,230
- Any word from Joey yet?
- No, not yet.
296
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:40,670
What's in the box?
297
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,950
Well, it seems like Joey's about to be fired,
298
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,470
so I thought we could surprise him by decorating the place for Christmas.
299
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:47,590
Are these our old ornaments?
300
00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:49,390
I haven't seen these in a long time.
301
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:51,030
That's because it's been a while
302
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,550
since we've had a child to decorate for, but now we do-- Joey.
303
00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:57,590
Oh! When he comes home and sees this place all decorated,
304
00:14:57,750 --> 00:14:59,550
just think how his little face will light up.
305
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,630
Oh, it's your first ornament.
306
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,550
A snow globe.
307
00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:07,990
A bottle of tequila?
308
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,190
You try putting together a tricycle without a man around.
309
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:15,990
I'm sorry. Um, Mom, this is fine, but I mean,
310
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,910
if you're going to do this, you should go all out. Do something big.
311
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:19,870
Like what?
312
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:23,470
Well, I know he'd like an all-monkey manger scene with a squirrel Baby Jesus.
313
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:27,430
How do you know that?
314
00:15:27,470 --> 00:15:29,030
It was one of the things on his list.
315
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,630
Oh, this is perfect! We can find out exactly what he wants.
316
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:32,630
All right.
317
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:34,110
Why does he want Gypsies?
318
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:37,190
Hmm, he gets them confused with elves. Always has.
319
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,430
Yeah, but there is some stuff on here we can do.
320
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:43,830
He wants carolers! Do we know anyone who can sing?
321
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,910
- Silent...
- Okay, no carolers. Hmm!
322
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,070
Okay, everybody, we're ready to shoot the bomb scene.
323
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,270
Uh, listen, Lauren, I don't want to pull a star trip right now,
324
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,870
but this scene doesn't work for me creatively.
325
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:02,550
Joey, please take your mark.
326
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,830
Okay, can I, can I, just, can I take a second?
327
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:06,830
Yeah, yeah.
328
00:16:07,710 --> 00:16:10,950
You know what? Everybody, let's all gather around and take a second
329
00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:13,150
and give a round of applause to Joey Tribbiani.
330
00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:14,670
It's been great working with him.
331
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:22,990
Okay, let's get started.
332
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,150
But, but I don't know what to do at the end.
333
00:16:25,430 --> 00:16:26,550
You didn't let me read the last page.
334
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,230
Oh, it's pretty clear what happens at the end.
335
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:29,950
And then the special effects guys take over.
336
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,790
And then bring in the dinosaur that carries me to safety?
337
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:38,070
All right, and rolling. And cue the snow.
338
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,470
Deep Powder, Scene 58, take one.
339
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,350
And... action!
340
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:46,550
Come on, Captain Powder!
341
00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:49,710
You gotta run. The bomb's gonna 'splode.
342
00:16:51,190 --> 00:16:53,470
No, I have to see this through.
343
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:56,590
You run, Charlie. Your life's more important than mine.
344
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:03,470
Well, it looks like it's just you and me now, Powder Mountain.
345
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,750
If I don't make it out of this alive,
346
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,670
it doesn't really matter, because all that matters is that
347
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:09,950
the mountain lives on.
348
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:13,150
Now cut the wire.
349
00:17:29,350 --> 00:17:31,910
And the bomb doesn't go off. Now react.
350
00:17:32,310 --> 00:17:32,870
What?
351
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:35,790
It didn't go off?
352
00:17:36,030 --> 00:17:38,590
Oh, my God! I'm alive! I can't believe it! I did it!
353
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:42,670
This is great, Joey. Keep going. We can use it.
354
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:46,510
Oh, oh, great! The sky is bluer! The snow is whiter!
355
00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:48,670
Joey's back! Suck it, bomb!
356
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:50,750
And cut!
357
00:17:52,390 --> 00:17:54,870
I am so relieved! I really thought I was gonna die.
358
00:17:55,230 --> 00:17:56,310
You gave a great performance.
359
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:57,910
Wait a minute.
360
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,870
You were messing with me to get back at me from the press conference?
361
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:01,590
What, me?
362
00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:04,150
Mess with my sexiest cast member?
363
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:08,350
Yeah, you wouldn't do that.
364
00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:11,870
Well, welcome back to Powder Mountain!
365
00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:12,670
Thank you.
366
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:14,150
How about a hug?
367
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:15,950
How about just a wave?
368
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,590
Hey, guys, guess what? Great news!
369
00:18:27,710 --> 00:18:28,510
I didn't die!
370
00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:30,790
Congratulations.
371
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,350
Yeah, yeah, let's go out and celebrate.
372
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:33,910
Let's go in the apartment first.
373
00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:36,750
No, no, it's boring in there. Let's go do something special.
374
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,230
Maybe there's something special in the apartment.
375
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:41,150
- No, no, let's go out.
- Get in the damn apartment!
376
00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,950
Oh, my God!
377
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:53,910
Oh, look at his little face!
378
00:18:56,270 --> 00:19:00,150
You guys, it looks fantastic in here. I can't believe you did this.
379
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,030
We couldn't get you everything on your list,
380
00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:03,590
but we got you an inflatable snowman.
381
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:05,390
And a dancing Santa.
382
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:11,830
And Joey...
383
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:13,510
Gypsies!
384
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:17,630
Here, have some eggnog.
385
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,270
I spiked it with The Fist.
386
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:24,270
I am finally feeling like it's Christmas, you know?
387
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:25,550
This is really special.
388
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:28,830
I get to keep my job. I'm surrounded by friends and family.
389
00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:32,590
It's like I said in that holiday beer commercial that only aired in Germany,
390
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:36,030
"Das ist ein gut Christmas Bier!"
391
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:43,270
An all new Will & Grace is coming up next.
392
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:44,870
Right here on NBC.
393
00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,670
So that's basicly the plot for the next episode.
394
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:49,550
Any questions?
395
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,710
Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you
396
00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:54,310
since you didn't kill Bodie and you didn't kill me,
397
00:19:54,390 --> 00:19:55,550
do you still need a plot twist?
398
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:57,150
I have a plot twist.
399
00:19:57,470 --> 00:19:59,950
There was someone actually who behaved even worse that you did.
400
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:04,990
Hey, sweet mamma ! You wanted to see me?
401
00:20:05,230 --> 00:20:07,150
Yeah, Gunnar, are you ready to shoot this scene ?
402
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,590
I was born ready, baby?
403
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:12,590
Hey, dead-o! guess who finally get a character?
404
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,630
I'm an helicopter blade inspector.
405
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:17,630
And I get to blade drunk.
406
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:21,150
Joey, would you care to come watch this scene?
407
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:23,070
I think I'd like that, Lauren.
408
00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:30,541
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