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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,999 What have you done?! 2 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,239 Monster! 3 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,360 You monster! 4 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,680 Oh, you little...! 5 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,600 Oh, the fuck! 6 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,319 Aye, aye? 7 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,039 Sorry, I know. I've locked myself out. 8 00:01:56,040 --> 00:02:00,119 I was just putting something in the bin and then, click. 9 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,039 So, what do you want? A ladder? 10 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,839 Erm, no, I don't think I've got any windows open. 11 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,959 I just need to phone my friend Stephanie. 12 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,799 Remember her? My best mate? She's got a spare key. 13 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,879 I mean, I've got a spare key, but guess where it is? 14 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,600 In the house. Fat lot of good that is. 15 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,440 Yeah, look, you'd better get in, hadn't you? 16 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,439 Ah... 17 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,839 Sorry, George. Got locked out. 18 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,679 HE CHUCKLES 19 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,760 I feel a bit stupid. 20 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,719 How are you doing? How's school? 21 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,719 Oh, it's college now. College! Good, well done. 22 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,759 Here. 23 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,279 No, but, erm... I don't know her number. 24 00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,999 I mean, who knows numbers any more? 25 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,879 But I remember she did that charity thing with Marie. 26 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,239 You know, remember? 27 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,319 The kids' breakfast thing, so I thought she might have it. 28 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,439 Marie's in work. 29 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,480 I know. So, could you...? 30 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,039 Clive? I'm busy. What is it? 31 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,439 Yeah, I've got Leo from next door standing here... 32 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,319 ...in his pants. 33 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,599 Yeah, he's locked himself out. 34 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,919 You know why that is, don't you? 35 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,839 Cos Bridget was on WhatsApp two minutes ago. 36 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,999 I'm trying to do my job, but it's ping, ping, ping, 37 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,119 all about him from next door. 38 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,120 Because do you know what she said? Guess what she saw. Bridget. 39 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:48,119 Is that right? What do you mean, running? 40 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,560 Running out of the house? Who was? 41 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:58,000 And then what happened? Leo was running? 42 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,959 Yeah, no, he said you've got his friend's number. 43 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:06,359 That, erm... Stephanie. Yeah, yeah, that's the one, yeah. 44 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,400 Yeah, no, but she's got the key, so just text it to me. 45 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:15,119 Bridget, opposite, she says there was a man came running 46 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,919 out of your house, and then you came running after him, 47 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,839 but he ran off, so, er, that's how you got locked out. 48 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,400 Right. Him. 49 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,279 Morning. Hi. 50 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:30,959 That was quite a night. I've never tried gooning before. 51 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:35,039 Not as a couple. Erm, can I get you a coffee, or...? 52 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,159 Yeah. Black. Thanks. 53 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,920 Eddie. Leo? That's the one. 54 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:46,919 Erm... I'd offer you some toast, but I don't have anything in. 55 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,879 I wasn't expecting anyone overnight. Kind of surprised me. 56 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,160 Not that I'm complaining. 57 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,320 Don't you dare! 58 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,639 Little...! 59 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:08,279 That was my friend, erm, Eddie. And he was staying with me. 60 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:13,599 And, he went, I waved him goodbye, and that's when I, er, 61 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,680 took out the paper, stuff, things for the bin. 62 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,119 PHONE DINGS 63 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,160 Oh, well. 64 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,720 Stephanie. 65 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,839 I know, but I'm in my pants and I have to open up at work. 66 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:37,079 I know you're busy, I'm sorry, but... Hold on. 67 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,319 Fuck you doing? 68 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,519 Erm, I got, I got locked out. 69 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,119 You weirdo. 70 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,639 Steph, Steph, I'll take us away at Christmas, 71 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,240 I swear, I'll pay, just get me out of here. 72 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,159 Right, good. Er, she has a key. 73 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,839 Saul, I don't think you should be naked in front of Mr Struthers. 74 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,319 Don't bother me. Yeah, well it bothers me, 75 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,640 so go and get some clothes on, eh? 76 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,279 Ey-yo! Hey! 77 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,879 - Oh. - That's enough. GEORGE LAUGHS 78 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,280 I apologise for my son. 79 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,080 Thanks. 80 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,239 Stephanie will be around about 20 minutes. 81 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,559 She's wrapping something up at work and then she's coming over. 82 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,719 Just put the keys in an Uber. 83 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,079 Ah, she thinks they're all anti-union, 84 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,559 she won't touch them, so... All right if I just wait here? 85 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,519 No. 86 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,639 OK, it's just for 20 minutes. 87 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,719 Yeah, no, I need to get to work in a bit. 88 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,159 I could just sit and watch TV. 89 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,479 George, what time are you at college? 11. 90 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,599 Yeah, you can't sit here with him. 91 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,399 Why not? 92 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,520 He's 16. 93 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,800 Hey. 94 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,039 God. Where'd you get the jacket? 95 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,439 Oh, Clive next door, and he was not happy, let me tell you. 96 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,079 His wife was always angry. 97 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,199 I'm surprised they're still together after what happened. 98 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,439 It was a hook-up called Eddie. He nicked my laptop and ran off. 99 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,400 I ran after him and got locked out. 100 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,599 I'm disgraceful. 101 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,679 You're lucky. Could've been a lot worse. 102 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,559 I mean, you're 60 next year. God's sake. 103 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,479 I'm allowed to have fun. 104 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,080 What, like this? Really? 105 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,000 He's not coming back, Steph. 106 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:12,439 Did you see on Instagram? Curtis in Italy, with her. 107 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:13,959 So, why were you surprised? 108 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,239 What happened next door with Clive Goss, Goss the Boss? 109 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,039 He slept with someone else. 110 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,159 Did he? 111 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,359 On holiday, in a caravan park. Ew! 112 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:27,280 I mean, imagine. I mean, what else is there to do but fuck around? 113 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:33,359 If you think about it, they've got a son who's, what, 25? 114 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,279 But the other one's only 15. 16. 115 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,439 So, that age gap means marriage in crisis. 116 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,999 Having another child never fixes anything. 117 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,439 You eat too much cheese. 118 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,560 Well, not any more. 119 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,239 How's work? 120 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,999 It's insane, thanks to you lot. 121 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,279 What does that mean? 122 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,320 Well, it's all your fault, isn't it? What is? 123 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:03,119 We got this kid in care now, he arrived in Britain in December, 124 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,119 but he's on that scheme, so there's no records. 125 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:12,519 Says he's 14. Is he fuck 14? He's got a moustache. He's got a beard. 126 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,759 He's 21, at least. 127 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,679 But he says he's 14, so 14 it is. 128 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:22,320 And he is in there with kids, and he's taking the boys out drinking. 129 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,239 Don't tell me there's no drugs. There are drugs. 130 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,639 But it's the way he looks at the girls. 131 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,879 And he's always outside the bathroom, 132 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,879 every time a girl has a shower, standing there, grinning. 133 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,999 But that's just the beginning, cos this boy, this man, 134 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,799 is on top of the list to be fostered, 135 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,559 which means I have to process that application. 136 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,719 And these foster families, they've got daughters. 137 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,999 But what do I tell them? I can't warn them. 138 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,359 I'm not allowed. Cos he says he's 14, 139 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:00,359 and therefore it's a fact. So, what can I do? Nothing. 140 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,319 And how is this my fault? 141 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,439 He self-identifies, which you lot invented. 142 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,720 Thanks very much. 143 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,640 Hey, how you doing? 144 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,639 Susette, love of my life. It would never work. 145 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:29,719 Thank God. 146 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,960 Hey, you. Hiya. 147 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:37,880 Oof. 148 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,240 Morning. 149 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,759 What time do you call this? 150 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,399 Judy had to open up, boss. I was waiting outside. 151 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,479 Hello, Zee. Morning, everybody. 152 00:10:58,480 --> 00:10:59,599 Morning, boss. 153 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,279 So, I finished here last night, was going to go straight home, 154 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,479 then I thought, "Oh, quick little snifter at Monroe's." 155 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,079 Met a man called Eddie. Tall, thin, hot. 156 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:13,759 Chat, chat, chat. 90 minutes later, took him home. 157 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,639 You didn't! I did. Wild sex. I will draw a veil. 158 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,999 Then this morning we get up, go downstairs, 159 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,319 he grabs my laptop, and runs into the street. 160 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,439 I run after him, the door closes behind me, 161 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,799 I'm locked out of my own house, stark naked. No way! 162 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:32,119 Yeah, Stark bollock naked in the street. 163 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,239 All I could do was steal a garden gnome from next door 164 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,399 to hide my privates. 165 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,719 THEY LAUGH 166 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:40,199 I swear to God. I'm in the middle of the street, my arse hanging out 167 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,640 and a garden gnome hiding my Kemi Badenochs. 168 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,039 Wait, there's more, there's more. 169 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,959 So I go next door, there's the neighbour's son 170 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,439 fresh out of the shower, dripping. Oof. 171 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:57,519 25 years old, pink, wet, topless. Well, I tell you - 172 00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,959 all of a sudden, that garden gnome had a fishing rod. 173 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,119 THEY LAUGH 174 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,759 What a start to the day. I thank you. 175 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,840 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 176 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,079 Hanna, what happened yesterday? 177 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,119 I had a headache. 178 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,079 Well, that is what the sick line is for. 179 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,199 You don't ask Tania to pass on a message, 180 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,839 you phone the sick line, because I've always got it, 181 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,119 if I don't have it Judy's got it, 182 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,559 and we need to know properly so we can get cover. Understood? 183 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,279 Yep. Good. What? 184 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,999 This is Frederic. He's been waiting. 185 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,079 You were supposed to interview him at half past. 186 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,839 Oh, right. Right. 187 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:42,959 Ah, first customer of the day. Morning, Melba. The usual. 188 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,519 Louise, can you sort out the dame? Thank you. I'm on it. 189 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,439 So, Frederico, have you worked in a bar before? 190 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,039 Yeah, I did two weeks at Pinnacle. 191 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,439 Why'd you leave? Well, they sacked me. 192 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,719 Good start. All right, let's do this on the hoof. 193 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:56,760 Come behind the bar. Come on. 194 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,399 So, what did Pinnacle pay you? Ten. 195 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,759 We pay 12, but that means you have to work for it. 196 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,079 So, come on, show me. Get me a WKD, a gin and tonic, 197 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,799 and a vodka lime, both with ice. 198 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,079 Except we don't have any ice. Mikey, can you get the ice? 199 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,439 On it, boss man. 200 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,679 Basically, we're a speed bar. We don't do cocktails. 201 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,679 Nearest thing we do is a blue lagoon, but not from a shaker. 202 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:18,719 We don't have time for that. 203 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:19,799 Just pour it straight into the glass. 204 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,639 Do you know what's in a blue lagoon? No. 205 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,680 Vodka, curacao, and lemonade. 206 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,199 So, what do you do? Are you a student? Yeah. 207 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,839 What are you studying? Philosophy. 208 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,839 Ooh, philosophy. 209 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,279 You know my philosophy? I can imagine. 210 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,519 Fuck 'em all. I was right. 211 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,319 Ah! Ah... You OK? 212 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,679 Electric shock. 213 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,559 Ah, Zee, will you get that fuse box? 214 00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,559 Told you, boss, it's happening all the time. 215 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,559 You all right, Freddie? It's a bit numb. 216 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,479 OK, let's do a little test to see if you were listening. 217 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:55,279 So, tell me, Fred, in a blue lagoon, there is vodka, curacao, and what? 218 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,439 I've got no feeling in my hand. 219 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,959 Have I lost you? 220 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,400 It really shocked me. 221 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,559 OK, all right. Er, do you want a little lie down 222 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,319 and a glass of water, Freddie? Hanna, get this boy a seat. 223 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,119 Go on, put your feet up, young man. 224 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,519 You HAVE just survived death by fridge. 225 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,840 Yeah, I am a bit unsteady. Come and sit here. 226 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,239 Zee, will you have a word with Hanna? 227 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,039 She's taking the piss. She can't keep missing shifts. 228 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,319 THEY'RE taking the piss, THEY keep missing shifts. 229 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,439 All right! 230 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,719 Oh, come on, no, boss, not you. 231 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:28,720 Honestly, Zee. 232 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,079 Your tribe's the most beleaguered on the entire planet, 233 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,199 and what do you do? 234 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,839 The one thing that is guaranteed to annoy everyone. 235 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,199 You fiddle about with your pronouns, and now everyone's 236 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,359 pissed off with you. 237 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,519 My GP stopped prescribing oestrogen. 238 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,760 But never mind that, eh? You're pissed off about one little word. 239 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,159 Yeah, I know. OK. I'm getting old. 240 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,759 PHONE RINGS 241 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,960 Hello, sick line. Hiya. 242 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,839 Frederic? You're calling in sick? 243 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,919 I don't feel very well. 244 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,559 The sick line is for employees. 245 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:06,199 Yes. But according to the employment law of 2024... 246 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,719 Don't you dare. ...despite the '26 amendment... 247 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:09,879 Fucking Labour government. 248 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,959 ...we've got full workers' rights from day one, 249 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,839 which starts at the point of interview, 250 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,520 and I was just electrocuted. 251 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,239 I should get compensation for that. 252 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,080 You little...! Boss. 253 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,679 OK, Freddie. 254 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,040 I think you should go home and consider your position. 255 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,400 Thank you for the interview. I'll let you know. 256 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,319 He'll let you know. 257 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,639 Legacy of Keir bloody Starmer. 258 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,440 You come to Manchester and run a bar, your lordship. 259 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,919 Yeah? This is Leo, over. 260 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,239 Could you come up here, boss? And bring Zee with you. 261 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,319 We've got a problem. Over. 262 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,359 What have you done now? 263 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:04,719 3 am, we're locking up, that's when you said goodbye, Zee. 264 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,959 Me and Mikey head out the front. 265 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,479 You slip into that quarter-turn where there's no camera, 266 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:10,759 and that's where you stay all night. 267 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:14,159 Oh, Zee, darling. JUDY SIGHS 268 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,599 This morning, 9 am, I open up, I go upstairs, 269 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,759 you pretend to arrive, and you shout upstairs, 270 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,559 say "hello", and I said "hello". 271 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,919 So, you... You slept in that tiny little space? 272 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,920 I thought you were the clever one. What happened? 273 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,680 They said they were going to kill me. 274 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,239 This Polish lad moved in, and he was all right at first. 275 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,839 But then three of his mates moved in, 276 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,879 so it was a house share with the four of them, and one of me. 277 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,280 And we'd laugh, you know. 278 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,879 But then they said we were like brothers. 279 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,200 Oh, they knew. 280 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,479 And then it gets worse. 281 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,360 They get drunk, start banging on my door every night. 282 00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,439 "I'm going to fuck you, little boy." 283 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,720 Jesus! 284 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,239 The first lad, Michal, he said, 285 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,680 "I am going to fuck you until you're dead." 286 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,399 From that moment on, they just want to kill me. 287 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,960 They said they were going to cut my throat. 288 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,279 Can't you go to the police? 289 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,759 Yeah, that'll really help. 290 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,799 You can stay with Ashraf. 291 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,759 He's got a room, you can stay there. I'll have a word. 292 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,119 All my stuff's in that house. 293 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,400 Then let's go get it. 294 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,720 OK everybody. Easy, does it. 295 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:43,839 Are they in? 296 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:44,879 They'll be asleep. 297 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,480 They get in at four, sleep till four. Just keep quiet. 298 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,240 OK, let's go. 299 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,999 ITEMS CLATTER 300 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,080 Shh, be quiet. Sorry. 301 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,440 Come on. 302 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,440 OK. Hurry, girls, come on, let's go. 303 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,799 This isn't a room. It's a box. 304 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,280 They all live like this, the kids. This is what we did to them. 305 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,039 Hi. 306 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,079 Fuck. 307 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,879 Er, good afternoon, my friend. We're not causing any trouble here. 308 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,399 Just helping out a colleague. 309 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,000 Just a few ticks and we'll be gone. 310 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,519 You know, I've always wanted to visit Poland. 311 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,879 Where would you recommend? 312 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,199 Michal! 313 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,839 Come on, quick! Michal! 314 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,280 All right, come on, hurry. 315 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:07,519 Who are you? In my house? Who the fuck are you, grandad? 316 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,880 You try it. You fucking try it. 317 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,639 You muppet. 318 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,880 Ah, the lady boy. 319 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,839 Going to fuck you with that big stick, lady boy. 320 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,640 I'm telling you. 321 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,359 I can't stop all of you, but you, Bartek, 322 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,119 I can get you, you little twat. 323 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,919 And they can kill me and rip my head off my body, 324 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:37,559 but before I die I will batter your tiny little skull into pieces, 325 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,160 you fucking prick. 326 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,400 MEN SHOUT 327 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,120 Jesus Christ, Judy! Run! 328 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,879 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 329 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,439 How have you got a gun? 330 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,040 I'm licenced to kill 22 types of bird in my own back garden. 331 00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,360 Fuck off! 332 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,160 THEY LAUGH 333 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,759 What the hell, Judy? You can't just stop! 334 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:08,959 I know what I'm doing. 335 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,559 My uncle was a bodyguard to the Shah of Iran. 336 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,400 Judy! Drive the car! 337 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,160 Fuckers! 338 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,080 Fucking hell! 339 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,760 That's great! Their faces! 340 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,200 ALARM KEYPAD BEEPS 341 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,760 DOORBELL RINGS 342 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,760 Go on, give us your key then. 343 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,199 You said you had a spare key, 344 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,119 you might as well give it to me, mightn't you? 345 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:17,559 Um, well, 346 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,199 I'm not gonna lock myself out again, Clive. 347 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,280 Well, what if you do? 348 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,039 OK. 349 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,399 There you go. 350 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,679 Er, what's your alarm code? 351 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,519 Yeah, er, OK. 1502. 352 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,479 1502. 353 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,280 Oh, and my coat? 354 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,840 What a day I've had. 355 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,999 Thanks very much for this morning. 356 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,399 It was very kind of you. 357 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,959 So, do I get a key for yours? 358 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,600 You wish. 359 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,319 INDISTINCT CHATTER 360 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,560 MUSIC THUMPS 361 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,280 I mean, like... MUSIC DROWNS OUT CONVERSATION 362 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,319 I'm gonna swap shifts with Donna and go upstairs, is that OK? 363 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,679 OK, sure, anything wrong? 364 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,879 There's a boy over there. 365 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,319 Don't look. Polo shirt. I teach him. 366 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,479 Has he seen you? 367 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:37,679 Looked straight through me. 368 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:38,839 You think he's gay? 369 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,199 No chance. He's out to impress the girls, 370 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,639 but if he recognises me, I'm in trouble. 371 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,159 Not just at school. 372 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:46,999 Never mind that I'm his teacher, 373 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,279 he knows where I live. 374 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,559 On you go. 375 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:50,800 See you later, boss. 376 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,399 OK, I'm off. 377 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,639 NightNet says that gang of gypsies has moved 378 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,719 to Deansgate instead, so I think we're gonna be safe, 379 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,519 so I will love you and leave you, my peasants. 380 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,519 Um, boss... 381 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,720 Oh. 382 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,039 Happy birthday, Melba. 383 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,759 MUSIC CONTINUES, LAUGHTER 384 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,679 Ladies. Hello, girls. Hiya. 385 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,119 Hey, boys. 386 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,239 No, I'm getting sugared. 387 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,519 There you are! EXCITED CHATTER 388 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,159 You look like you're having a good time. 389 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,960 Great show. Do come in, come on. 390 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,960 MUSIC BUILDS 391 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:00,920 Ugh. 392 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,600 Let's go. 393 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,759 Oh, so I went to the optician's the other day, 394 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,639 cos you've got to look after your eyes, haven't you? 395 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,719 He says, "Miss Dixie, you've got to stop wanking." 396 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,079 I said, "Why? Will I go blind?" 397 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,679 He says, "No, you're upsetting everybody in the waiting room." 398 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,759 Oh, you've been a lovely audience, you really have. 399 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,199 But before you go, 400 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,159 did you see in the news this week that poor old lady in Levenshulme, 401 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,959 found dead in her flat, no one to care for her. 402 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,319 I mean, what a world we live in, eh, girls? 403 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,479 So, just be kind, darlings, be kind. 404 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,159 Oh, for fuck sake. OK, Melba. 405 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,519 Got something to say, darling? 406 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,279 Don't pretend to care. 407 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,519 You fucking Tory! 408 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,119 I've seen you up in Hale Barns. 409 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,799 You haven't just got two cars, you've got two fucking garages. 410 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,279 Oh, tiny bit of jealousy. 411 00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,919 She's greener than Wicked, that one. 412 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:01,399 Your husband... OK, leave it, leave it. 413 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,679 ...has money... No, no! 414 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,919 ...has money in care homes 415 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,919 that stand women up in the bathroom and hose them down with cold water. 416 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,359 This, ladies and gentleman, is Melba. 417 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,919 Melba... Mediocre. 418 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,319 She's not bitter at all, is she? Oh, shut up. 419 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,599 I mean, I'm not saying she's old and past it, 420 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,639 but she were young when Moses were a lad. 421 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,079 That's not even the right fucking joke. 422 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,959 "She was old when Moses was a lad." 423 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,879 Not young. She was old! Go on, get out. 424 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,279 You're just a bargain basement Bet Lynch. 425 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,639 Come on, Melba. Do you even know what drag is?! 426 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,879 This lipstick, these fucking eyelashes...! 427 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,239 It's a protest! 428 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,279 Come on. No, it's a scream! 429 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,159 Let's get you out. It's a punch in the face. 430 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,999 Shove a pie in it, darling. 431 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,599 It's not Margaret fucking Thatcher! 432 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,039 Get out, you skanky bitch. 433 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,400 You're barred. 434 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,319 That's where I met Harry. 435 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,599 On that corner, right there, in 1992. 436 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,039 I'd only been in Manchester just over a year. 437 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,199 I never met him. 438 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,639 I don't suppose you would've, cos he finished with me in 1994. 439 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,839 HE CHUCKLES 440 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,999 And then he phones me up 441 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,439 one month later, one month to the day, 442 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,439 and says, 443 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,359 "I'm positive, get yourself tested." 444 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:19,719 Remember those calls? 445 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,959 Ah. 446 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,559 And then... 447 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,120 ...I tested positive. 448 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:27,959 I thought I was dying. 449 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,759 Well, in 1994, I was dying. 450 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,959 So, I phone him back, 451 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,239 answerphone. 452 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,400 Phone him back again, phone him back again. 453 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,920 He never picked up. Ever. 454 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,279 Then he moved away went back to London, gone. 455 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,119 Six years later, I find out he's dead. 456 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:50,839 Someone just... 457 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,280 ...mentions it in passing. 458 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,119 Cunt! 459 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,559 Now, we're not meant to blame. 460 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,400 No. He was a cunt. 461 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,960 You should've looked this way, darling. 462 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,959 I loved you since the day I first saw you. 463 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,480 That daft little Scottish lad with eyes like a fox. 464 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,560 I live in hope. 465 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,280 Don't, Melba. 466 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,879 Happy birthday. 467 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,320 I do, though. 468 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,559 Do you ever think it's coming back? 469 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,239 All that shit from the '90s? 470 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,479 We were despised, but you read the stuff online now, 471 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,559 it sounds just the same. 472 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,119 Do I think it's coming back? 473 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,599 Yeah. It's back, you fucking idiot. 474 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,999 Right now, it's here. 475 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,919 It's a storm, it's a tide, 476 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,159 it's a great big tsunami, 477 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,119 and we're in the middle of it right now. 478 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,279 Do I think it's coming back? 479 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,519 You know, if you'd asked me in 1996, 480 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,519 "What do you think 2026 will be like?" 481 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,639 I'd have said, "Glory days. 482 00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,119 "We'll have equality, we'll have love and kisses, 483 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,080 "we'll be holding hands, skipping down the streets." 484 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,880 But they tricked us, didn't they? 485 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,919 They just waited. 486 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,439 Oh, they let us all come out, 487 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,439 so now we're standing in the open, 488 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,319 ready for them to shoot us down. 489 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:28,839 You think that? Really? 490 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,919 Look at me, I'm as out and as proud as anything, but... 491 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,319 ...past couple of years, 492 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,359 I'm a lot more careful. 493 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:40,519 You just started a great big row. 494 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,359 On Canal Street. 495 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:43,919 Home turf. 496 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,160 But out there... 497 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,279 ...I used to walk into a room and just go, 498 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:49,280 "Ta-da." 499 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,880 Now I tiptoe, just in case. 500 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,439 You know the awful thing? 501 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,280 Now I don't have to care as much, not anymore. 502 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,319 Cos I've done my bit. 503 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,639 I have fought the good fight, 504 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,679 very many times, thank you very much. 505 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,319 HIV, Section 28, the Bolton seven, 506 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,719 oh, bless them, in their little leather slings. 507 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,520 I have marched. 508 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,159 Now it's someone else's turn, 509 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,879 one of those bright young things. 510 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,239 They can man the barricades, or woman the barricades, 511 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:33,800 or them the barricades. 512 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,399 I mean, I'll be 60 next year. 513 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,400 Oh, don't. 60! 514 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,679 In a couple of years, I can retire and remember the golden days. 515 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,919 You're kidding yourself, you know. 516 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,839 If there's a war you're on the front line, my darling. 517 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:52,959 You have trans bar staff, 518 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,519 that's the battleground right there. 519 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,199 Hey, I love my staff. 520 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,239 And as a result, look at TripAdvisor for your place. 521 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,279 There they are, regular as the morning shit, 522 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,479 post after post calling you a paedo and a groomer, 523 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:10,239 because they say you pay chemically castrated children to work for you. 524 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:11,279 They're just bots. 525 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,719 No, that's women. 526 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:13,959 Women who are furious, 527 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,919 and with good reason, but, no, no, don't start me. 528 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,119 And men, grown men typing away with their big fists. 529 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,559 Yeah, but it's just that, typing. 530 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,639 The president of America 531 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:29,359 has given these men permission to attack us. 532 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,480 Leo... 533 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,919 ...you're queer in 2026. 534 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,479 You're a political act. 535 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,719 Yeah, but it'll swing back. 536 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,519 We do this, we go through history, 537 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,199 we swing one way, we swing the other. 538 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,519 Conservative then Labour, Republicans then Democrats. 539 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:45,679 Just... 540 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,119 ...just give it time, it'll... 541 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:50,839 ...it'll settle. 542 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,319 Is that what history teaches you? 543 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:54,879 Yeah. 544 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,079 It does. 545 00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,759 I think history's merciless. 546 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,959 And it only goes one way. 547 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,799 Onwards. 548 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,959 It marches on, and on, and on, 549 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,879 and what if this never swings back? 550 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,199 What if Trump just keeps on winning forever and ever? 551 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,159 How far will it go? How much will they hate us? 552 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:17,839 Because they hate us, Leo. 553 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,999 They really hate us. 554 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,039 And do you know what? 555 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,719 I think they've always hated us. 556 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:27,079 Only now they don't have to pretend anymore. 557 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,719 No. 558 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,839 History tells us one thing. 559 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:37,479 That blood and fire and retribution always happen. 560 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:38,920 And right now... 561 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,280 ...it's coming for us. 562 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,640 ALARM TIMER BEEPS 563 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,280 DOOR OPENS 564 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,840 Clive, you are inside my house. 565 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,439 Well, you gave me the key, didn't you? 566 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:55,959 So, I thought I'd fix it up for you. 567 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,160 You know, that, key safe thing. 568 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,319 If you put this on the wall outside, 569 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,199 you won't get locked out again. 570 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,759 They give these to the elderly and disabled. They love 'em... 571 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,399 Oh, I'm thrilled to be in the same category, 572 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,079 but, Clive, I don't think you should just walk into my house. 573 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,399 I think you should knock or ring the bell. 574 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,520 OK. 575 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,079 DOORBELL RINGS 576 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,879 Better? 577 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:27,119 Thank you. 578 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:29,439 All right, I'll get on with it. Where do you want this? 579 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,919 I was thinking, uh... 580 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,879 ...about here? 581 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,439 I don't know, is that good? 582 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:36,559 It should be, yeah. 583 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,559 Yeah, I'll get on with it. 584 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,759 Do you ever wear any clothes? 585 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,559 Yeah, I should... Yeah, go on, piss off. 586 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,359 I don't need your help. 587 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:46,960 You leave the hard work to me, eh? 588 00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,640 Fucking let himself in. 589 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,359 Fucking let himself in. 590 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,639 Clive bloody Goss. 591 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,999 My fucking house. 592 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,200 DRILL WHIRS 593 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:12,240 Right, it's done. 594 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,639 Here you are, let me show you. 595 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,279 So, the key's in there, right? 596 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:21,039 You put in 1502, open it up, there's your key. 597 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:22,599 You put it back in, 598 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,079 close it, Bob's your uncle. 599 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,719 And that won't attract burglars, cos they know there's a key there? 600 00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:28,679 I mean, they can't force it open? 601 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,399 Does that become a problem? 602 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:31,599 I'll take it down if you want. 603 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:32,959 No. 604 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:34,199 It's up now. 605 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,119 I'll get out your way. 606 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,079 Right, it was £17.99, 607 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,719 All right, but I got you another key. 608 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:42,959 That was a fiver. So, it's £22.99, 609 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,079 and I'm not charging you for labour, all right? 610 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,279 Cash OK? 611 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,600 If I've got it. 612 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,679 You not working today? 613 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,839 Oh, yeah, no, I am. 614 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,239 Saturday's our busiest night. I'm working 'til 4am. 615 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:10,679 If you can call that work, eh? Dishing out drinks all day. 616 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,359 Do you know how many people I employ? 617 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,839 No. 45. 618 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:15,719 Fuck off. I do. 619 00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:17,159 It's a bar. So? 620 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,959 You do not employ 45. 621 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,999 There's 15 girls just rotating at the door, 622 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,599 then there's managers, bar staff, security, cleaners. 623 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,239 How many, are you? 624 00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:27,399 It's just me. 625 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,919 Oh, well, nice life. 626 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,759 And you didn't have to increase the National Insurance for 45 people. 627 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,359 No, but I have to cope with maritime law. 628 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,239 What's that? Ah, you see, you don't know everything. 629 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:39,239 Under maritime law, you can sail into this country from 630 00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:40,839 Romania without any qualifications, 631 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,519 and you can take my job from under my nose. 632 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:45,519 Cos you can work as an electrician with no credentials. 633 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,439 How is that maritime law? 634 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:48,800 Because we're an island. 635 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,599 I did think, if you don't mind, 636 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,559 I was gonna say do you need any work doing? 637 00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,719 You know, in the bar? 638 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:04,359 Cos I'm a bit short of hours and it's not a good time. 639 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,039 And those boys, they cost a fortune. 640 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,039 And Marie, she's always nagging at me, so I'll do a good price. 641 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,119 Er, no. We're fine. Sorry. 642 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,119 No, well, forget I asked. No, I'm really sorry. 643 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,759 No, it's fine. It's fine. 644 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,200 Just if you hear of anything. 645 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:21,439 How's Curtis? 646 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,839 Oh, I don't know. 647 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:25,959 Ask him. Fine. 648 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,999 How long's he been gone? 649 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,559 Two years. 650 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:31,999 Marie said he ran off with a woman. 651 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,479 Began a relationship with someone else, yes. 652 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,759 That must've been a blow. To your manhood. 653 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,359 Well, it turns out I can get a blow to my manhood any time I like. 654 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,519 There you go, you see? You had to make it dirty, didn't you? 655 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,079 Every time. It's always sex with you lot. 656 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:45,879 I find it revolting, you know, this time of day? 657 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,439 Oh, right, so that's us, is it? That's the gays? We're all sex? 658 00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,199 You had a man running out of your house 659 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,719 with my children sitting next door. 660 00:36:52,720 --> 00:36:54,800 OK, so I sleep around? 661 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:57,760 I'm the one who sleeps around? 662 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:03,120 In this room, the person who sleeps around is me? 663 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,040 What are you getting at? What do you think? 664 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,319 What do you mean? 665 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,519 Oh, nothing, never mind. Er, 25 quid. 666 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,519 Thanks. 667 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,319 Was it a real woman? 668 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,199 What? With Curtis. Cos these days it might not be. 669 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:24,319 You know, Marie said, 670 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,439 "If he's gay, has he run off with a man who calls himself a woman, 671 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:28,799 "or a woman who used to be a man?" 672 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,919 Cos it's all he, she, they, and them now, isn't it? 673 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:32,159 So, we can't tell. 674 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,559 Well, you know who started all that, don't you? 675 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,159 No. You. 676 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:37,559 I did that? Yeah, you. 677 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,959 All of you. All this fuss with pronouns. 678 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,999 It was always you lot. 679 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,239 From the moment we are born, in the schoolyard, 680 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:45,719 it's always you staring at us saying, 681 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:46,959 "What are you, then? A boy or a girl? 682 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:49,559 "Are you a boy or a girl? What are you, a boy or a girl?" 683 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,439 Six years old, if you're not playing football, it's like, 684 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:52,959 "What are you? Some sort of girl?" 685 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,439 All our lives, "What are you? What are you? What are you?" 686 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,519 And then guess what. We say, "OK, fine, you win, 687 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,119 "you're right, we'll do what you want. 688 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,479 "If we are so confusing, then I'll become a she, 689 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,159 "she can be a he, and if that doesn't work, 690 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,559 "I can become a them. What do you think? Happy now?" 691 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,079 Well, guess what? No, it's all, 692 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,599 "How dare you change? How dare you be different? 693 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:11,159 How dare you not know?" 694 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,319 We did exactly what you wanted, 695 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,880 and you still don't fucking like it. 696 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,079 And I will have my change, please. 697 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:23,319 I gave you 25 quid, so £22.99, that's £2 and one penny you owe me, 698 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,559 please, Clive, thank you. 699 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,400 Well, I'll go and get it. Yeah, you do that. 700 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,240 Here. £2, one penny. 701 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:58,639 Look, all right, I didn't... 702 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,080 Oh, no, no, no. It's all my fault, apparently. 703 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,159 I mean, isn't everything? So, you have a nice day. 704 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:06,920 I do need a spot of work. 705 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,079 There's some dodgy wiring at the bar. 706 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:12,879 So, yeah, thank you. 707 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,199 I-I'd be very grateful. 708 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,759 Yeah, well, no mates' rates. 709 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,959 Well, we're not mates. 710 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,639 All right, well drop us a text and we'll sort it. 711 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,799 You know, I mean, if I've got time, like. 712 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,999 OK. 713 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,480 Thank you. 714 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,240 MUSIC THUMPS 715 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,240 INDISTINCT CHATTER 716 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,320 MUSIC STOPS 717 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,000 MUFFLED ARGUING 718 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:13,520 Unholy by Sam Smith ft Kim Petras 719 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,239 EXPLOSION 720 00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:37,520 SCREAMING 721 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,879 River said to Lamb, "'I've always fancied you, sir." 722 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,600 Lamb unzipped his dirty, sweaty trousers. 723 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:01,559 "Eat this, River." 724 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,719 And River nuzzled deep into the unwashed fold. 725 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:06,000 MUSIC RESUMES 726 00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:08,920 SCREAMING 727 00:43:16,240 --> 00:43:17,480 Please! 728 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:20,360 MUSIC RESUMES 729 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:37,080 GRUNTING 730 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:42,840 GUNSHOT 731 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,080 Fuck. 732 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,159 I swear it gets madder and madder, that family next door. 733 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,159 George. Get here. 734 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:16,359 You kept secrets. 735 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,919 If you're hiding things from me now. 736 00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:20,199 So, you won't tell her next time? 737 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,519 Tonight's the night. I am so gonna get rimmed. 738 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,519 Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out. 739 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:26,999 You can look down on women. 740 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,120 Fuck off. Go on, Clive. 741 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:31,759 Cop a load of this. 742 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:32,919 I still love you. 743 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,239 I think you lot are so full of all your freedoms, 744 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,759 you don't know when to stop. 745 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:37,920 THEY CHEER 746 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:43,839 You all right? 747 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,640 Sit at home with a bad dad, and you're as closeted as ever. 748 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,200 I am so scared. 749 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,360 You terrify me. 750 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,039 Yeah, like it creeps through the walls. 751 00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:04,680 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 752 00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,520 Oh, fu... 54668

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