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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,467 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:35,334 --> 00:00:39,701 OH, YES, YES, YES. 3 00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:46,033 I DO SO AGREE. OH, YES. 4 00:00:46,033 --> 00:00:48,868 OH, EVERY TIME. 5 00:00:48,868 --> 00:00:52,734 YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT. 6 00:00:52,734 --> 00:00:54,868 YOUR HUSBAND WANTS TO DO WHAT? 7 00:00:54,868 --> 00:00:57,200 RING THE POLICE? 8 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,734 OH, YOU'RE GOING AWAY ON HOLIDAY. 9 00:01:00,734 --> 00:01:02,501 FOR HOW LONG? 10 00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,267 A MONTH! 11 00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:06,267 LOVELY. 12 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,300 THE CARIBBEAN! 13 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,968 OH, MY WORD, HOW NICE. 14 00:01:12,501 --> 00:01:15,334 MIND YOU DON'T OVERINDULGE ON THE MANGOS, 15 00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:17,868 AND OF COURSE, IT'S FULL OF TOURISTS, YOU KNOW. 16 00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:23,434 ANYWAY, HAPPY HOLS, BYE-BYE. 17 00:01:23,434 --> 00:01:25,400 CARIBBEAN! 18 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,133 GET YOUR COAT ON, RICHARD. 19 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,501 BRUSH YOUR HAIR, POLISH YOUR SHOES. 20 00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:35,200 WE'RE GOING INTO TOWN. 21 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,767 TOWN? 22 00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:40,100 T-O-W-N, DEAR. TOWN. 23 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,067 IT'S THAT LARGE THING WITH ALL THE SHOPS. 24 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:45,234 I KNOW WHAT IT IS, 25 00:01:45,234 --> 00:01:47,901 I JUST WONDERED WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN WE WERE GOING THERE. 26 00:01:47,901 --> 00:01:49,267 I NEED A TRAVEL AGENT. 27 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,834 DELHIA WILLWRIGHT. 28 00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:54,434 WHO? 29 00:01:54,434 --> 00:01:56,434 DELHIA WILLWRIGHT. 30 00:01:56,434 --> 00:01:58,467 THE MOCK TUDOR, TWO STORIES 31 00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:01,100 SEMI-DETACHED AT THE CORNER OF OAKDALE AVENUE. 32 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,567 YOU KNOW THE ONE, 33 00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:05,734 THEY'VE JUST ADDED A GAMES' ROOM ABOVE THEIR GARAGE. 34 00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:09,267 THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND, 35 00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:11,634 IT'S SNOBBERY AND WANNABES. 36 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,167 PEOPLE WHO TRY TO PRETEND THEY'RE SUPERIOR. 37 00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:19,067 MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER FOR THOSE OF US WHO REALLY ARE. 38 00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:24,100 WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT? 39 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,868 IT'S ABOUT DELHIA WILLWRIGHT'S HOLIDAY. 40 00:02:26,868 --> 00:02:28,901 SHE SAYS SHE'S GOING TO THE CARIBBEAN. 41 00:02:28,901 --> 00:02:30,234 REALLY? 42 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,267 WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF THEY'RE ONLY GOING 43 00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:35,067 FOR A WEEKEND BARGAIN BREAK AT BOGNOR. 44 00:02:42,367 --> 00:02:43,367 RIGHT! 45 00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:46,100 OOH, AH-HH! 46 00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:51,801 HOW STRONG AND MASTERFUL WE ARE THIS MORNING. 47 00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:53,367 I'VE BEEN THINKING. 48 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:56,234 - OOH! - IT'S ABOUT TIME I DID SOMETHING FOR CHARITY. 49 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:02,334 YOU CERTAINLY KNOW HOW TO FLATTER A PERSON. 50 00:03:02,334 --> 00:03:04,501 I'M SERIOUS, IT'S ABOUT RICHARD. 51 00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:08,434 ALONE, DAY IN, DAY OUT, WITH YOUR HYACINTH. 52 00:03:08,434 --> 00:03:10,434 I DREAMED ABOUT HIM, LAST NIGHT. 53 00:03:10,434 --> 00:03:14,534 I DREAMED HE WAS IN THE CLUTCHES OF THIS TERRIFYING MONSTER. 54 00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:17,667 THEN I WOKE UP AND I REALIZED IT WAS ALL TRUE. 55 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:25,601 I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON "NO HOLIDAY" THIS YEAR. 56 00:03:25,601 --> 00:03:28,334 I DON'T THINK MUCH OF ANY OF THESE OFFERS IN THE WINDOW. 57 00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:31,634 LET'S INVEST MY RETIREMENT MONEY IN A LITTLE COTTAGE, WE SAID. 58 00:03:31,634 --> 00:03:35,634 14 NIGHTS FOR �209! 59 00:03:35,634 --> 00:03:39,501 WHEN I SAY "WE SAID" WHAT I REALLY MEAN, OF COURSE, IS "YOU SAID." 60 00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:42,767 I HOPE THESE PEOPLE DON'T CATER EXCLUSIVELY 61 00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:44,801 FOR THE SPAGHETTI AND CHIPS BRIGADE. 62 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:51,400 YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING EXPENSIVE. 63 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,467 I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE. 64 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,200 WE CAN'T GO IN WHILE NOBODY IS BROWSING. 65 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,934 THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO POINT 66 00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:07,167 IN ASKING FOR SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE IF NOBODY IS LISTENING. 67 00:04:07,167 --> 00:04:11,334 - WE'LL COME BACK LATER WHEN THE PLACE IS FULL. - WHAT? 68 00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:18,400 I WISH YOU WOULDN'T START POLISHING ALL THE CUTLERY. 69 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,033 VERY "LAST YEAR" THE CARIBBEAN, ANYWAY. 70 00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:25,367 TWO COFFEES. 71 00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:27,367 ARE YOU HAVING A MEAL? 72 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,868 I DON'T THINK SO, THANK YOU. 73 00:04:29,868 --> 00:04:32,701 NEED A FORK FOR YOUR COFFEE, DO YOU? 74 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:37,400 THAT'S THE LAST TIME I COME HERE. 75 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,734 PROBABLY THE LAST TIME THEY LET US IN. 76 00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:41,767 NOW, WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR? 77 00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:46,000 YOU FREQUENTLY FIND TRACES OF LIPSTICK IN PLACES LIKE THIS. 78 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:51,667 WHERE ARE WE THINKING OF GOING THAT'S SO EXPENSIVE. 79 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:53,400 WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 80 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,801 THEN WHY ARE WE GOING TO THE TRAVEL AGENCY? 81 00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:59,167 BECAUSE WE NEED BROCHURES. 82 00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:02,701 THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO HARM IN ASKING FOR A FEW BROCHURES. 83 00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:05,534 VERY EXOTIC BROCHURES, OF COURSE. 84 00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:11,267 I'LL TEACH DELHIA WILLWRIGHT A THING OR TWO. 85 00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:17,968 ALL RIGHT, ST. BERNARD, 86 00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:20,834 HOW ARE YOU GONNA RESCUE OUR RICHARD? 87 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:25,400 I'M STILL RUNNING THINGS THROUGH ME BIOLOGICAL COMPUTER. 88 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,133 LET'S HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE ANOTHER POWER FAILURE. 89 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,167 IS THERE ANY TEA LEFT? 90 00:05:36,167 --> 00:05:38,300 THERE'S ONE IN THE POT. 91 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:41,267 I'M NOT SURPRISED, GOING AROUND DRESSED LIKE THAT. 92 00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:46,033 YOU'RE DONE UP A BIT FLASH FOR THIS TIME OF THE MORNING. 93 00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:48,133 OH, THIS ISN'T FOR MORNING. 94 00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:50,868 NO, THIS IS WHAT I WAS WEARING LAST NIGHT. 95 00:05:50,868 --> 00:05:53,634 HAVEN'T YOU BEEN HOME SINCE LAST NIGHT? 96 00:05:53,634 --> 00:05:55,000 NO. 97 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,167 BUT I'D HAD COME STRAIGHT HOME IF I'D REALIZED. 98 00:05:57,167 --> 00:06:00,200 - REALIZED WHAT? - WELL, THAT HE MEANT IT. 99 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:04,334 WOULD I LIKE TO POP IN AND SEE HIS MODEL AEROPLANES, HE SAID. 100 00:06:04,334 --> 00:06:07,234 GO ON, ASK ME. 101 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:10,767 ANYTHING ABOUT MODEL AEROPLANES. 102 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,400 WELL, THAT MADE A FEW HEADS LOOK UP AND PAY ATTENTION. 103 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,367 I SHOULD THINK IT DID, THEY COULD HEAR YOU IN THE CARIBBEAN. 104 00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,100 RICHARD, I SEE NO MERIT 105 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,667 IN ENQUIRING FOR BROCHURES 106 00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:26,434 ON THE QE2 II OR THE ORIENT EXPRESS, 107 00:06:26,434 --> 00:06:28,100 IN A TIMID MOUSY LITTLE VOICE. 108 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,634 OH WELL, YOU CERTAINLY GOT THAT RIGHT. 109 00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,334 - IT WASN'T A TIMID MOUSY LITTLE VOICE. - HMM? 110 00:06:32,334 --> 00:06:34,100 ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE LOOKED UP, 111 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,167 BUT WAS THERE ANYONE THERE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS YOU? 112 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:38,067 THAT'S IMMATERIAL, RICHARD. 113 00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:40,834 WORD WILL BEGIN TO SPREAD. 114 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,734 REMEMBER HOW FAMOUS I AM FOR MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS, 115 00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:46,501 NOT TO MENTION MY CHARITABLE WORK. 116 00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:48,234 IT MAY WELL BE 117 00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:51,133 THAT WORD IS ALREADY BEGINNING TO CIRCULATE. 118 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:56,000 THEN WHAT IF IT DOESN'T? 119 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,334 IT WILL, ONCE WE'VE GIVEN IT A LITTLE NUDGE. 120 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,868 HOW LONG ARE WE GONNA BE DRIVING ROUND AND ROUND? 121 00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:11,767 UNTIL I SEE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DELHIA WILLWRIGHT. 122 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:13,767 TRY ELM STREET. 123 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,434 WE'VE JUST DONE ELM STREET. 124 00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:18,334 NOW, DO STOP MAKING DIFFICULTIES, RICHARD. 125 00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:24,000 YOU SEE, THERE'S MRS. WILLIS. 126 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,901 AT LEAST I THINK IT'S MRS. WILLIS. 127 00:07:26,901 --> 00:07:28,234 DRIVE PAST AND WE'LL SEE. 128 00:07:29,267 --> 00:07:32,701 YES, IT IS MRS. WILLIS! 129 00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,334 NOW, WHAT? 130 00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,400 WELL, DRIVE ON AND TURN AROUND. 131 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,467 I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO SPEAK TO MRS. WILLIS. 132 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:41,601 IT'S GOTTA LOOK LIKE A CHANCE ENCOUNTER. 133 00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:44,467 WILL YOU HURRY. DRIVE TO THE END OF THE ROAD. 134 00:07:44,467 --> 00:07:48,634 AND THEN TURN AROUND BEFORE SHE GOES INDOORS. 135 00:07:57,234 --> 00:08:00,067 IMAGINE IF I HADN'T TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT, 136 00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,868 I MIGHT HAVE MISSED ALL THIS FUN. 137 00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:04,868 FASTER! FASTER THAN THIS. 138 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,868 I WANT TO HEAR YOUR BRAKES SQUEAL. 139 00:08:06,868 --> 00:08:08,467 YOU WANT ME TO STOP? 140 00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:11,801 NO, NOT YET, I'LL TELL YOU WHEN TO STOP. 141 00:08:13,467 --> 00:08:16,534 - STOP! - ( tires screeching ) 142 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,300 OH, DEAR! I'M AFRAID RICHARD WAS DRIVING SO FAST, 143 00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,667 MY HOLIDAY BROCHURES BLEW OUT OF THE WINDOW. 144 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:29,100 HAVE YOU SEEN MY HOLIDAY BROCHURES? YOU CAN'T MISS THEM. 145 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,801 THERE'S ONE ABOUT THE ORIENT EXPRESS, 146 00:08:31,801 --> 00:08:34,667 AND THE OTHER IS CRUISING ON THE QE2. 147 00:08:34,667 --> 00:08:38,167 OH-HH, THERE THEY ARE! 148 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,934 NOT A SCRATCH OR A CREASE. 149 00:08:44,934 --> 00:08:47,968 IT CERTAINLY PAYS TO GO FOR THE BEST. 150 00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:56,234 THERE! THAT SHOULD GET WORD BACK TO DELHIA WILLWRIGHT. 151 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,667 * YOU ARE THE ONE * 152 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,200 - * ONLY YOU...* - SHH! 153 00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:09,000 I THOUGHT I HEARD A CAR. 154 00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:13,701 NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 155 00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,801 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, LIZ? 156 00:09:16,801 --> 00:09:18,601 YOU'RE A BUNDLE OF NERVES. 157 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,434 I THOUGHT IT WAS HYACINTH. 158 00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,701 NOW WE'RE BOTH A BUNDLE OF NERVES. 159 00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:28,000 OH, THIS IS SILLY. 160 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,667 I MEAN, SHE'S ONLY HUMAN. 161 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,400 WELL, ONLY JUST. 162 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,834 WE SHOULDN'T LET HER TERRORIZE US LIKE THIS. 163 00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:38,968 SHE'LL ASK ME IN FOR COFFEE. 164 00:09:38,968 --> 00:09:41,400 I KNOW SHE'S GOING TO ASK ME IN FOR COFFEE. 165 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,934 THEN REFUSE TO GO, LIZ. TELL HER YOU'RE BUSY. 166 00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:46,567 I CAN'T DO THAT, SHE NEVER LISTENS. 167 00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:48,901 JUST DON'T GO! 168 00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:50,200 NO, I CAN'T DO THAT. 169 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,267 BECAUSE WE'RE CHURCH CLEANING TOGETHER AFTERWARDS, 170 00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:54,367 WITH THE LADIES' GUILD. 171 00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:56,868 SHH! LISTEN, I CAN HEAR HER CAR. 172 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,534 YES, IT'S HYACINTH! 173 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,334 ( playing "Funeral March" ) 174 00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:13,667 WHERE TO LEAVE THEM, LAYING CASUALLY? 175 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:17,033 OH! ( chuckles ) 176 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,534 HOW DO THEY LOOK? 177 00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,200 HMM? 178 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,868 HOW DO THEY LOOK? 179 00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:37,133 THEY LOOK LIKE BROCHURES LAYING ON A TABLE. 180 00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:40,267 YES, BUT DEAR, WOULD YOU NOTICE THEM 181 00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:41,934 THE MOMENT YOU CAME INTO THE ROOM? 182 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,467 IT'S NO GOOD ASKING ME, 183 00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:44,968 I MEAN YOU KNOW ME, 184 00:10:44,968 --> 00:10:49,100 I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS ON FIRE. 185 00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:54,167 POOR DADDY, I DO WISH HE'D GIVE UP SMOKING. 186 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,467 BUT YOU SEE, I WANT ELIZABETH 187 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:59,100 TO SPOT THE BROCHURES IMMEDIATELY, 188 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:01,033 WHEN I FETCH HER IN FOR COFFEE. 189 00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:03,634 I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO INTRODUCE THE SUBJECT MYSELF. 190 00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:08,133 IT'S VERY VULGAR TO GO BOASTING ABOUT ONE'S HOLIDAY'S PLANS. 191 00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,400 LEAVE THE ROOM, RICHARD. 192 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,667 WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? 193 00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:16,801 NOTHING, DEAR. I JUST WANT YOU TO WALK BACK INTO THE ROOM, 194 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:20,334 AND SEE IF YOU NOTICE THEM STRAIGHT AWAY, GO ON! 195 00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:22,601 GO ON! 196 00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:40,801 - RICHARD! - YES? 197 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,968 WHY DON'T YOU COME IN, DEAR? 198 00:11:45,234 --> 00:11:47,801 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 199 00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:50,167 I WAS WAITING FOR A SIGNAL. 200 00:11:51,968 --> 00:11:54,467 BUT DID YOU NOTICE THE BROCHURES? 201 00:11:55,767 --> 00:11:58,133 I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THE BROCHURES. 202 00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,734 OH, RICHARD! 203 00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:01,801 - I'LL GO OUT AGAIN! - NO-OHH! 204 00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:04,534 THE POINT ABOUT "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR," 205 00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:07,901 IS THE QUESTION IT IMMEDIATELY GIVES RISE TO. 206 00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:11,334 NAMELY, WHO IS THY NEIGHBOR? 207 00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:14,801 THY NEIGHBOR IS EVERYONE. WE CAN EXCLUDE NO ONE. 208 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,634 THE EXCLUSION OF A SINGLE PERSON, 209 00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:20,701 BRING THE WHOLE CONCEPT TUMBLING DOWN. 210 00:12:20,701 --> 00:12:23,100 HELLO, DEAR. 211 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,133 GUESS WHO IS ON THE LIST OF VOLUNTEERS FOR CHURCH CLEANING TODAY? 212 00:12:28,033 --> 00:12:30,400 THE BUCKET WOMAN! 213 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:34,133 OH, NO! JUST KEEP HER OUT OF MY WAY. 214 00:12:34,133 --> 00:12:36,234 YOU CAN'T STAY IN HIDING. 215 00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:37,868 I DON'T KNOW WHY NOT? 216 00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:40,000 AS FAR AS THE BUCKET WOMAN IS CONCERNED, 217 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,801 I'D CLIMB THE TOWER IF I HAD TO. 218 00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:43,367 WHAT IF SHE ASKS ABOUT YOU? 219 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,434 TELL HER I'M REHEARSING MY SERMON. 220 00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,067 JUST DON'T TELL HER WHERE. 221 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,834 I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD HAVE TO FACE HER. WHY ME? 222 00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:52,701 DON'T LOOK AT ME AS IF I GET ALL THE FUN JOBS. 223 00:12:52,701 --> 00:12:54,467 I HAVE TO BURY PEOPLE. 224 00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:58,868 I'LL BURY THE NEXT ONE AND YOU CAN DEAL WITH HYACINTH BUCKET. 225 00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:14,133 "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR." 226 00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:20,100 NO, I THINK I'LL DO THE WATER INTO WINE. 227 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,667 ( phone ringing ) 228 00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:28,834 THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING. 229 00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:32,067 OH, SHERIDAN! 230 00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:35,133 HOW THOUGHTFUL OF YOU TO RING, DEAR. 231 00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:37,100 HOW MUCH DOES HE WANT? 232 00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:39,767 NOW RICHARD, GO AWAY! 233 00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,367 READ A BROCHURE OR SOMETHING. 234 00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:44,234 SHERIDAN, I'M SORRY DEAR, 235 00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:47,834 THAT WAS JUST YOUR FATHER INTERRUPTING. 236 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:50,634 NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT INTERRUPTING MOMMY, DEAR. 237 00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:52,801 NOT AT ALL, NO. 238 00:13:52,801 --> 00:13:56,400 WE WERE JUST BROWSING THROUGH HOLIDAY BROCHURES. 239 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,167 RATHER NICE ONES, HMM. 240 00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,968 THE ORIENT EXPRESS, 241 00:14:00,968 --> 00:14:05,367 LUXURY CRUISING ON THE QE2, THAT SORT OF THINGS, YES. 242 00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:08,434 YOU NEED HOW MUCH, DEAR? 243 00:14:08,434 --> 00:14:09,534 NO! 244 00:14:09,534 --> 00:14:12,234 NOW, RICHARD, DON'T GET EXCITED. 245 00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:15,234 IF WE'RE TALKING ORIENT EXPRESS AND QE2, 246 00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:18,200 WE CAN HARDLY BEGRUDGE THE BOY THE ODD �50. 247 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,667 �50! 248 00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,067 JUST A MINUTE, DEAR, 249 00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:23,534 DADDY SEEMS TO HAVE A PROBLEM. NO, LOOK. 250 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,734 I THINK I'LL GO SOMEWHERE PRIMITIVE, 251 00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:33,100 AND BE A MISSIONARY. 252 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,200 COOPER STREET. 253 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,567 WHAT KIND OF MISSIONARY? 254 00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:39,734 WELL, I THINK I'D LIKE TO GO 255 00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:41,234 WHEREVER THEY MOST NEED 256 00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:45,501 SUPPORT, SANITATION AND BIRTH CONTROL. 257 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:47,934 I'VE TOLD YOU, COOPER STREET. 258 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:52,067 WHAT WOULD I NEED, 259 00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,968 FOR QUALIFICATIONS? 260 00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:57,234 I THINK YOU'LL NEED A LONGER SKIRT. 261 00:14:57,234 --> 00:15:00,300 WELL, I'LL GET A LONGER SKIRT, 262 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,968 I'LL GET A SKIRT THAT GOES RIGHT DOWN TO THE FLOOR. 263 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,634 I BET THAT ONE YOU'RE WEARING 264 00:15:04,634 --> 00:15:07,367 HAS BEEN RIGHT DOWN TO THE FLOOR A FEW TIMES. 265 00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:13,100 HOW CAN YOU PUT UP WITH HIM? 266 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,467 I SUPPOSE IT'S LOVE. 267 00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:23,133 FORGET IT, I'VE GOT A HEADACHE. 268 00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:25,934 OF COURSE, WE'VE TIME FOR A COFFEE, DEAR. 269 00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:30,667 WE DON'T HAVE TO BE AT THE CHURCH FOR ANOTHER HOUR. 270 00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:34,367 I THINK I'M REALLY GOING TO START CUTTING DOWN ON MY COFFEE. 271 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,400 WELL, NOT YET, DEAR. 272 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,701 COME ALONG. 273 00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:43,067 NOW, YOU SIT DOWN THERE AND AMUSE YOURSELF, 274 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,234 WHILST I MAKE YOUR COFFEE. 275 00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:50,934 NO, I REALLY AM. I'M GOING TO CUT DOWN ON MY COFFEE. 276 00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:55,334 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE QUITE COMFY THERE, BY THE HOLIDAY BROCHURES? 277 00:15:56,534 --> 00:15:58,100 YES, YES, THANKS, I'M FINE. 278 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,267 GOOD. 279 00:16:03,334 --> 00:16:05,467 MOVE THEM IF THEY'RE IN THE WAY, WON'T YOU? 280 00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:09,868 CUP OR BEAKER, DEAR? 281 00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:13,467 OH, BEAKER! SOMETHING SAFE, PLEASE HYACINTH. 282 00:16:36,033 --> 00:16:38,267 YOUR NERVES AREN'T STEADY, I KNEW IT. 283 00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:40,601 WELL THEY'RE GONNA BE IF YOU'RE GONNA DO THAT. 284 00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:43,267 HAVE NO FEAR. INTERNATIONAL RESCUE IS HERE. 285 00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:45,133 RESCUING WHAT? 286 00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:47,133 TWITCHY HUSBANDS. 287 00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:49,667 I WOULDN'T SAY "TWITCHY." DO YOU THINK I'M TWITCHY? 288 00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:52,234 YOU'VE JUST LEAPT 40 FOOT IN THE AIR. 289 00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:53,934 I DID, DIDN'T I? 290 00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:56,868 YOU'VE HAD A LIFETIME OF BEING RESPONSIBLE. 291 00:16:56,868 --> 00:16:58,767 YOU'VE DONE THAT BIT. 292 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,467 NOW IT'S TIME TO LET A BIT OF FOOLISHNESS INTO YOUR LIFE. 293 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:02,868 SOUNDS GOOD. 294 00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:04,734 - LET'S GO! - WHERE TO? 295 00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:08,367 WRONG ANSWER. 296 00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:12,601 ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR THE JOYS OF IRRESPONSIBILITY? 297 00:17:12,601 --> 00:17:14,968 I THINK I'M READY. 298 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,501 MIND YOU, I'VE GOT TO BE BACK TO TAKE HYACINTH TO THE CHURCH. 299 00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:18,868 SHE'S ON CLEANING DUTY TODAY. 300 00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:22,000 THE JOYS OF IRRESPONSIBILITY, DICKIE. 301 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:28,000 I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER GET THE HANG OF IT. 302 00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:34,300 I KNOW. PEOPLE THINK IT'S EASY. 303 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:37,534 BUT LET'S GIVE IT A TRY, EH? 304 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:40,467 WHAT IT'S A QUESTION OF, MAINLY, 305 00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:43,100 IS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE, 306 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,267 AND A FLAIR 307 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:47,734 FOR USING ONE OF YOUR PLASTIC CARDS, 308 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:51,100 IN THE LOCAL CASH DISPENSER. 309 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:55,334 YOU SEE, WE DO HAVE TIME FOR COFFEE. 310 00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:58,100 THANK YOU. 311 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:01,033 AND WE HAVE TIME FOR A BISCUIT. 312 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:04,200 ( mouthing words ) 313 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:10,801 SHALL YOU BE GOING ON HOLIDAY THIS SUMMER, ELIZABETH? 314 00:18:10,801 --> 00:18:14,234 PROBABLY NOT. 315 00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:16,267 WE'RE STILL DEBATING. 316 00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:18,667 WELL, PLACES GET SO CROWDED 317 00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:20,834 AND YOU SPILL THINGS. 318 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,434 YOU KNOW WHAT MEN ARE LIKE. 319 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:26,033 RICHARD STILL CAN'T DECIDE. 320 00:18:26,033 --> 00:18:29,868 OH, I THOUGHT SOMEBODY ELSE MADE UP HIS MIND FOR HIM. 321 00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:36,634 - BISCUIT? - OH! 322 00:18:36,634 --> 00:18:40,834 - OH, SPEAKING OF BUTTERFINGERS! - IT'S ALL RIGHT. 323 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,033 - OH, DEAR. - THANK YOU. 324 00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:46,934 ( chuckling ) WHAT A SILLY ME! 325 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:54,868 WELL, I EXPECT WE'LL SETTLE FOR SOMETHING TASTEFUL. 326 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,033 AND VERY EXPENSIVE. 327 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,567 OH! SILLY. 328 00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:06,267 I WAS ALMOST SITTING ON MY HOLIDAY BROCHURES 329 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,167 I THINK IT'S COOLED A LITTLE NOW. 330 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,667 I THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO DRINK IT SAFELY. 331 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:25,968 I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, HYACINTH! 332 00:19:25,968 --> 00:19:29,734 IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR, AS LONG AS YOU HAVEN'T DAMAGED MY BROCHURES. 333 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,267 - ( phone ringing ) -OH! 334 00:19:34,267 --> 00:19:36,300 I'D BETTER ANSWER THAT. 335 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:40,100 IT'S PROBABLY SOMEBODY VERY IMPORTANT. 336 00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:54,167 THE BROCHURE RESIDENCE. 337 00:19:55,934 --> 00:19:57,934 THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE, 338 00:19:57,934 --> 00:19:59,667 THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING. 339 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:02,467 ( chuckles ) OH, IT'S YOU ROSE! 340 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,667 IT'S MY SISTER ROSE, 341 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:08,100 SHE'S NOT THE ONE WITH THE SWIMMING POOL AND THE SAUNA. 342 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,868 AND THERE'S NO ROOM FOR A PONY EITHER. 343 00:20:10,868 --> 00:20:15,067 ROSE, I HOPE YOU'RE WEARING SOMETHING SENSIBLE FOR THIS TELEPHONE CALL. 344 00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:17,400 YES, IT ALWAYS MAKES ME VERY NERVOUS 345 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,801 TO THINK I MIGHT BE TALKING TO A MINISKIRT. 346 00:20:20,801 --> 00:20:23,434 YES, I KNOW YOU STILL HAVE GOOD LEGS, DEAR. 347 00:20:23,434 --> 00:20:25,801 I JUST WISH YOU DIDN'T WAVE THEM ABOUT SO MUCH. 348 00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:30,000 WELL, I'M SORRY, ROSE, 349 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,701 BUT OFFHAND, I COULDN'T TELL YOU 350 00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:35,868 WHAT QUALIFICATIONS ARE NECESSARY TO BECOME A MISSIONARY. 351 00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:39,434 BUT I SUSPECT YOU DON'T HAVE THEM, DEAR. 352 00:20:39,434 --> 00:20:42,968 NO, THE BEST KIND OF CHRISTIAN, 353 00:20:42,968 --> 00:20:46,334 IS THE ONE WHO DOES VERY HUMBLE THINGS. 354 00:20:46,334 --> 00:20:48,968 THE SORT OF THING I SHALL BE DOING LATER, 355 00:20:48,968 --> 00:20:52,033 WHEN I'M CLEANING THE CHURCH WITH THE LADIES' GUILD. 356 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,701 RICHARD? 357 00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:25,067 RICHARD! 358 00:21:30,267 --> 00:21:32,968 I APPEAR TO HAVE LOST RICHARD. 359 00:21:32,968 --> 00:21:35,834 HE'S USUALLY OUT HERE WHEN I COME TO THE CAR. 360 00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:38,667 IT'S MOST EXTRAORDINARY. 361 00:21:38,667 --> 00:21:42,601 I ALWAYS COME OUT OF THE HOUSE, LOCK UP, 362 00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:45,067 GO TO THE CAR, 363 00:21:45,067 --> 00:21:48,167 AND RICHARD OPENS THE CAR'S DOOR FOR ME. 364 00:21:49,801 --> 00:21:53,234 HE'S NEVER NOT BEEN HERE, BEFORE. 365 00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:04,834 I'M SURE HE'LL COME BACK, HYACINTH. HE'S VERY WELL TRAINED. 366 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,801 I HOPE I HAVEN'T LEFT HIM SOMEWHERE. 367 00:22:10,868 --> 00:22:14,033 HALF WOULD HAVE BEEN SUFFICIENT, ONSLOW. 368 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:16,667 I COULDN'T ORDER HALVES, 369 00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:19,200 I'VE GOT A REPUTATION AROUND HERE. 370 00:22:36,968 --> 00:22:39,534 THANK YOU FOR THE LIFT, ELIZABETH. 371 00:22:39,534 --> 00:22:42,167 I WONDER WHERE RICHARD IS. 372 00:22:42,167 --> 00:22:44,667 IT'S NO BOTHER, HYACINTH, I WAS COMING HERE ANYWAY. 373 00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:46,167 WELL, I KNOW DEAR, 374 00:22:46,167 --> 00:22:49,701 BUT I THOUGHT WE'D ALL COME IN OUR CAR. IT SHINES SO MUCH NICER. 375 00:22:58,567 --> 00:23:02,501 COME ALONG, ELIZABETH, LET'S GO AND JOIN THE LADIES. 376 00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:08,767 OH, LOOK AT THAT! HOW KIND. 377 00:23:08,767 --> 00:23:11,634 I EXPECT THEY'VE DASHED IN TO MAKE ME A CUP OF TEA. 378 00:23:29,267 --> 00:23:32,734 OH, NICE! I'M BEING HUSTLED. 379 00:23:32,734 --> 00:23:36,234 YOU'VE BEEN HIDING THOSE WICKED TALENTS ALL THESE YEARS. 380 00:23:40,767 --> 00:23:43,300 - GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES. - GOOD AFTERNOON. 381 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:46,534 THANK YOU AS USUAL, FOR TURNING UP SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY. 382 00:23:46,534 --> 00:23:49,501 NOW, I HAVE A LIST OF TASKS THAT NEED DOING. 383 00:23:49,501 --> 00:23:53,334 SO, IF YOU'LL GATHER AROUND, I'LL ASK FOR VOLUNTEERS. 384 00:23:53,334 --> 00:23:56,567 OOH, COME ALONG! HERE WE GO. 385 00:23:56,567 --> 00:24:00,033 EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME. 386 00:24:00,033 --> 00:24:03,934 GOOD AFTERNOON, MY DEAR. WE'RE HERE, READY AND WILLING. 387 00:24:03,934 --> 00:24:05,934 GOOD AFTERNOON. 388 00:24:05,934 --> 00:24:08,501 NOW, PEW POLISHING. 389 00:24:08,501 --> 00:24:10,801 TWO VOLUNTEERS, PLEASE. 390 00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:15,567 MISS WILSON AND MISS BARBER. 391 00:24:15,567 --> 00:24:17,534 THANK YOU. RIGHT. 392 00:24:17,534 --> 00:24:19,767 CHANGING THE FLOWERS. 393 00:24:19,767 --> 00:24:23,200 MRS. DAWSON, AND... 394 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,801 YEAH, MRS. ANDREWS. 395 00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,767 NOW, THE BRASSWARE. 396 00:24:31,234 --> 00:24:34,267 PEOPLE ALWAYS COMMENT ON MY SHINY BRASSWARE. 397 00:24:34,267 --> 00:24:35,901 I'M SURE THEY DO. 398 00:24:35,901 --> 00:24:38,834 MRS. WARDEN, AND... 399 00:24:38,834 --> 00:24:40,534 MISS HARVEY. 400 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,934 NOW, THE ALTAR CLOTH NEEDS CHANGING. 401 00:24:46,934 --> 00:24:48,701 AND MY TABLEWARE! 402 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,868 MRS. BARETT. 403 00:24:54,501 --> 00:24:58,567 AH, YES, NOW THIS NEEDS QUITE A BIT OF WORK ON IT. 404 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,567 CAN I HAVE A VOLUNTEER TO CLEAN THE CHURCH HALL... 405 00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,434 ...TOILET AREA? 406 00:25:08,701 --> 00:25:11,267 MRS. BUCKET, THANK YOU. 407 00:25:17,567 --> 00:25:21,234 NOW, THERE'RE A LOT OF COBWEBS IN THE AREA ADJACENT TO THE ORGAN LOFT, 408 00:25:21,234 --> 00:25:24,634 AND I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE GIVE IT A THOROUGH GOING-OVER. 409 00:25:24,634 --> 00:25:28,367 - SO, IF YOU TWO, LADIES-- - EXCUSE ME WILL YOU, EXCUSE-- 410 00:25:31,234 --> 00:25:32,934 ROSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 411 00:25:32,934 --> 00:25:36,100 I'VE COME TO HELP WITH THE CHURCH CLEANING FOR THAT DISHY VICAR. 412 00:25:39,667 --> 00:25:42,534 I'D FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT CHURCH CLEANING, 413 00:25:42,534 --> 00:25:45,400 I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE HYACINTH CHURCH CLEANING. 414 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,300 GUESS WHO'S IN THE DEEP AND MURKY, THEN? 415 00:25:47,300 --> 00:25:48,767 I'VE TOLD YOU, 416 00:25:48,767 --> 00:25:50,934 YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE AN AGGRESSIVE LINE. 417 00:25:50,934 --> 00:25:53,601 I WILL. I RATHER THINK I WILL. 418 00:25:53,601 --> 00:25:56,367 I MEAN, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE SOBER. 419 00:25:57,734 --> 00:26:00,000 OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT SOBER. 420 00:26:13,167 --> 00:26:15,434 ROSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 421 00:26:15,434 --> 00:26:17,000 WELL, THERE'S AN OLD BIRD'S NEST UP THERE 422 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,701 THAT THE VICAR'S WIFE WANTS REMOVING, SO I SAID I'D DO IT. 423 00:26:19,701 --> 00:26:22,300 IT NEEDS SOMEONE WITH A GOOD HEAD FOR HEIGHTS. 424 00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:24,501 AND SOMEONE WITH A LONGER SKIRT. 425 00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:27,167 ROSE, I FORBID YOU 426 00:26:27,167 --> 00:26:29,167 TO GO UP THAT LADDER WEARING THAT SKIRT. 427 00:26:29,167 --> 00:26:31,501 DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT OFF, THEN? 428 00:26:33,234 --> 00:26:35,534 NO, OF COURSE NOT! 429 00:26:35,534 --> 00:26:38,534 THOUGH I DOUBT IF ANYBODY'D NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE. 430 00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:45,067 AT LAST! 431 00:26:48,133 --> 00:26:50,667 RICHARD, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 432 00:26:50,667 --> 00:26:53,567 OH, HERE AND THERE. 433 00:26:53,567 --> 00:26:56,667 ONSLOW, I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LEADING HIM ASTRAY. 434 00:26:56,667 --> 00:26:58,767 IT WAS ONLY OUR FIRST ATTEMPT. 435 00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:00,934 WE GOT NOWHERE NEAR AS FAR AS ASTRAY. 436 00:27:00,934 --> 00:27:04,000 ( chuckling ) 437 00:27:06,868 --> 00:27:10,000 WELL, NOW YOU'RE HERE, ONSLOW. YOU CAN TAKE ROSE HOME. 438 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,334 ROSE? WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE? 439 00:27:12,334 --> 00:27:16,400 SHE VOLUNTEERED TO HELP WITH THE CHURCH CLEANING. 440 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:17,868 WHERE IS SHE, THEN? 441 00:27:17,868 --> 00:27:19,968 SHE'S OVER THERE. 442 00:27:37,467 --> 00:27:39,701 GOOD DAY. BUT PLEASE, DO GIVE HIM MY REGARDS. 443 00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:44,701 - GOOD AFTERNOON, VICAR, ISN'T IT A LOVELY DAY? - YES, INDEED. 444 00:27:44,701 --> 00:27:47,534 - DO YOU THINK THE RAILINGSNEED DUSTING? - RAILINGS? DUSTING? 445 00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:49,200 THEY LOOK RATHER DULL IN THIS KIND OF LIGHT. 446 00:27:58,267 --> 00:28:00,267 MICHAEL! 447 00:28:02,334 --> 00:28:04,234 OH, REALLY! 448 00:28:04,234 --> 00:28:06,801 DID I SHOW YOU MY HOLIDAY BROCHURES? 449 00:28:12,133 --> 00:28:14,834 ( theme music playing ) 0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 33208