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Previously on Breaking Bear.
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Things have changed all around Bear
Mountain. We're not finding food. We're
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going to starve.
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What the frack? Exactly.
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Fracking for oil.
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And it's happening all over the forest
now. Humans are the real enemy.
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Look at this. A selection of gourmet
rock salt.
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Huh?
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Someone might be stealing our damn rock.
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I could make you guys my partners.
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You understand you cannot eat human
flesh ever again.
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Cher, I said no!
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What? Fuck!
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Oh, my fucking God, this is fucking
delicious.
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Cher, stop. Now.
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These drugs are for selling so we can
save the forest. Not for you.
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These ribs are delicious.
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I have a question. If I eat a man's
penis, would that make me, you know,
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gay?
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Uh, not necessarily.
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According to statistics, most
heterosexual males have dabbled in some
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harmless experimentation.
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Oh, you meant actually.
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Gives new meaning to the word junk food.
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Oh, my God. Someone really needs to
invent after Wienerman.
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You mean this?
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You know, I just realized I should have
eaten his balls first, you know, as an
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appetizer instead of for dessert.
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Um, you got a bit of scrotum on your
front tooth?
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Uh-huh.
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I feel guilty I didn't share this with
you, Dwight. He was your friend, and I
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bet you would have liked to taste his
penis.
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No, I wouldn't have.
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He was circumcised.
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I wonder if uncircumcised has a
different flavor profile.
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I love that! Fool! You don't get high on
your own supplies.
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Look at you. Five minutes into your new
career as a drug dealer, and you're
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already quoting Scarface to me like
you're, what, the kingpin? You know I am
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a badass bear!
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I...
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Of course not. You're fine. Because if
my nose is bleeding, I am fully prepared
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to do booty bumps.
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Now, everyone, please focus.
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Our mission is to save the forest.
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Booty bumps?
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Yeah. It's just what it sounds like.
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It's a recipe that is very complicated
and took us a long time to perfect.
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Recipe? Yeah, like baking chocolate chip
cookies.
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Yum. Except chocolate chip cookies don't
contain antifreeze, hydrochloride,
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dollar store bug spray, brake fluid,
methanol, magnesium, sodium, benzoate,
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oxide, battery acid.
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I hope there's no raisins. Good God, no.
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Raisins are the devil's dingleberries.
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Now, come on.
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Let's whip this up some meth.
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What's with these outfits?
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I feel like Madonna's gynecologist. It's
too tight. I feel trapped. If I can't
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have meth, I need a honey jar. I need a
honey jar. Calm down, buddy. Okay, I'm
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sure there's honey here somewhere.
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You mean bee poop? Check that cupboard.
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Finally, honey jar.
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That smells so bad, but... I
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am a badass bear!
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I am rubber, you are glue!
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I wish I could sniff them, too!
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Stop him!
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Oh, no!
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You got your honey in my meth! You got
your meth in my honey!
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00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:31,570
Oh, my God, are you thinking what I'm
thinking? That this is just like when
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Taco Bell introduced the Doritos Locos
Tacos? Not exactly that, no, but, uh,
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yes, I think we're on the same
wavelength here.
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That smells amazing.
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It does smell really good. I have an
idea.
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You move.
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What the hell are you doing?
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The best way to capture market share is
to create a unique product that no one
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else has.
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Honey nut meth.
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Two great tastes that go great together.
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Like the Taco Bell Doritos Ojos Tago?
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Did you skip lunch?
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No. This.
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Petrified bunny poop.
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No. These are pine nuts, you
Neanderthals.
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And look.
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Paper towels?
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Were you dropped on your head?
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Spices. Fucking spices.
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Jeez, relax already, would ya?
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I know, spices.
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And I really don't appreciate you
bringing up the fact that I was dropped
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on my head in front of everyone.
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Okay, let's try this.
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Now, stir it.
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It smells delicious.
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Wink always tasted it, but he's dead.
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Right. I'd do it, but I think the
lingering aftertaste of cock and balls
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in my mouth right now might be messing
with my sophisticated palate.
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My sophisticated palate hasn't been
tainted by taint. Let me try it, please.
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Please? Pretty please? Pretty please?
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With sugar on it? And by sugar, I mean
meth?
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Alistair, stay in control.
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Well, okay.
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Just a little taste. One tiny puff.
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Hmm. And?
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Uh-huh, uh-huh. The honey is coating my
throat. The bouquet is smoky, full
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-bodied yet delicate. I taste, I taste
the pine nuts. But with just a whisper
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00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:43,420
of fresh truffles and the aftertaste, my
God, it's almost buttery. My word, it is
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so piquant.
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And scrumptious.
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Well, sure. I mean, I would have come up
with that, too, if I hadn't just eaten a
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dick. Okay, that's enough for now.
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Nobody tell this badass bear how much to
smoke!
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Okay,
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we need to meet your distributor.
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Oh, uh, Wink handled distribution.
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I don't know who his connection was.
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Jesus, you are a terrible drug dealer.
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Well, my heart isn't teaching.
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What do you teach, chemistry?
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No, I am the drama teacher.
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See, I was hired after the governor
started a new school. And the plan
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was... As your governor, I want to
proclaim a new day of freedom as we open
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this junior high school and welcome the
man we are naming the school after.
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No government should tell you what to
put in your child's body.
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That is why... I am proud to open the
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Junior High School
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for the vaccine hesitant.
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00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:58,840
Everything was great until... So it
seems the few kids have polio
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and the media's making a big deal about
it.
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00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,520
Did polio stop Franklin D. Roosevelt
from becoming president?
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No!
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As he said, the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself.
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Are we scaredy cats who fear polio?
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00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:21,470
No! Are we wimps who are scared of a
little paralysis?
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00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:27,830
No! Do you want Big Pharma's polio
vaccine or natural immunity?
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Natural immunity!
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There's only one thing to do.
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You tested positive for polio. We'll be
making out with those who need natural
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00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:45,550
immunity.
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00:09:46,130 --> 00:09:47,930
Let's start kissing.
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00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:56,290
So how did that go?
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Unfortunately, 90% of our kids ended up
paralyzed. And to afford making the
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school wheelchair accessible, we have to
cut the school musical.
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00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:19,300
That's when I discovered that our
janitor, Wayne, was selling drugs to
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kids.
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00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:30,060
What you are doing is horrible,
disgusting, immoral.
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I'm alerting the police.
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Unless you help me pay for the school
musical.
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And that's how we became partners.
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Blackmail.
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the best way to start a friendship.
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Yeah, just like Trump and Putin.
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I'd love to see those Polaroids. Right?
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00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:51,640
So what you're telling us is that you
have no underworld connections
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whatsoever. None.
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00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:55,420
Oh, wait.
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Actually, I have this former student,
the most talented actress I ever worked
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with. She might be able to help.
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Move over.
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00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:17,719
Hello. Hello.
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Hi, how are you?
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00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:22,340
Good.
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00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,660
Are you by any chance with Flo Flo, the
street house so sweet they named her
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twice? And if so, may I talk to her?
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00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:34,280
Oh, why, is that my favorite teacher of
all time, Mr. Salter?
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My favorite student of all time.
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What a surprise to have you visit me at
work.
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Can you give me one second to finish up?
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You betcha.
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Hang on!
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She's going as fast as she can.
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00:11:55,260 --> 00:12:00,100
You know, I wouldn't be who I am today
if you hadn't cast me as Mimi in Rent.
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It showed me you could be a drug addict
with AIDS and still be glamorous.
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00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:09,180
In fact, if I hadn't learned about
method acting from you, I never even
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would have tried heroin.
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Thank you, Mr.
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Seltzer. Hey, I put the meth in method.
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Musical theater really does change
people's lives.
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Let me introduce you to my partners.
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00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,180
Ah! They're bears!
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Grizzly bears!
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Who's gonna buy meth from bears?
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They'll scare everybody.
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00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,760
Folks buy stuff from scary people all
the time.
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00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,740
Jeff Bezos. Elon Musk.
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00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:33,940
Kim Kardashian.
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Us? Scary?
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I think my good friend Dwight here would
disagree.
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00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:40,130
See?
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00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,190
But we're like big teddy bears.
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00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:44,889
That's it.
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Big teddy bears.
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00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,410
We'll just tell people you're furries.
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Furries? Yes.
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00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:55,670
Horny, kinky people merely dress up like
animals. You'll be full-time, 24-hour
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00:12:55,670 --> 00:13:01,970
lifestyle furries. I like it. A human in
a fur suit, which is kind of like what I
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00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:02,970
really am.
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00:13:03,290 --> 00:13:04,290
Flo Flo, please.
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00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:07,770
We really need your help. You said it
yourself. You'd be living a very
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00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,630
different life right now if it weren't
for me.
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00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:11,110
That's true.
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00:13:11,710 --> 00:13:16,150
I suppose I could set up distribution
for you. Do you remember Katie Durant,
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00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,670
Josie Wells, and Chrissy Cotillion?
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00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:20,070
Some of my most talented students.
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00:13:20,670 --> 00:13:21,990
They could help us.
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00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:47,810
We need a top-notch sales team for this
stuff, and nobody knows how to sell
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00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:52,270
better than you whores. Being cast as a
prostitute changed my life.
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00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:56,570
Katie, you were better than Nicole
Kidman playing that whore in Moulin
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00:13:56,570 --> 00:14:00,790
Rouge. Look at you. You got a great
career, and without the indignity of
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00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:03,550
having to compromise your morals by
sleeping with Tom Cruise.
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00:14:04,230 --> 00:14:06,350
What show were you in that influenced
your life?
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00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,370
I resent your implication.
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00:14:08,970 --> 00:14:12,530
Musical theater didn't affect my
lifestyle choices in any way.
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00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:15,520
So... What show are you in? Pretty Woman
the Musical.
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00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:22,140
I still can't believe all my favorite
students stayed friends and still work
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00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:25,420
in an aspect of the entertainment
industry where you get to hone your
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00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:27,320
acting skills on a one-on-one basis.
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00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:31,660
And we're so happy to help with the
funding for musical theater. Let me
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00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:35,500
propose a toast to junior high school
musical theater.
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00:14:36,180 --> 00:14:37,840
To the theater!
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00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:57,810
You'll be awake for life.
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00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:00,030
Just give it a try.
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00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,630
Find a glory hole in the bathroom.
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00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:27,470
You've had some feed or snacks that suck
you up before.
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00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:32,290
But besides a certain heart attack,
we're sure that you'll adore.
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00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:37,910
That our recipe's your destiny for
flavorful calamity.
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00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:42,910
Inside a pipe. Now suck me just right.
228
00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:47,310
Coming up, math is your ticket to
paradise.
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00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:51,030
You've got some strong ones you're
hooked on.
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00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:09,610
Well,
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this is our last stop.
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00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:18,570
I'm so proud of you. Aw, thank you, Mr.
Salter. Good luck with your musical.
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00:16:18,970 --> 00:16:20,250
Oh, thank you.
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00:16:20,670 --> 00:16:22,170
Mr. Salter?
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00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:26,730
4'10", 4'20".
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00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:35,690
420. What the hell?
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00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:37,710
I fainted. Go away.
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00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,030
You fainted?
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00:16:39,170 --> 00:16:41,930
Yes, I did. I'm talking in my sleep. I'm
fully asleep.
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00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,150
Deep, deep REM sleep. No need to hit.
241
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:45,890
Go away now, please.
242
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:51,010
Nice try, buddy. You think I don't know
what fake sleep is? I was married for 20
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00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,330
years. Let me show you how I'd wake
Margaret up. I'm awake!
244
00:16:55,660 --> 00:16:57,080
Good night, Margaret.
245
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:06,599
What is going on?
246
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:11,940
Let us out! What made you fools think
you could sell meth here?
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00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:13,440
Don't get me wrong.
248
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:18,160
I love the whole furry gimmick, but this
is our territory.
249
00:17:18,619 --> 00:17:19,760
Read our tattoos.
250
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,280
Our territory fucking?
251
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,560
Switch!
252
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,859
Territory our fucking.
253
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,660
Switch our fucking territory.
254
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,500
That's very intimidating.
255
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,180
Karen!
256
00:17:37,980 --> 00:17:39,740
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry.
257
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,220
That's Flammation Point?
258
00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:46,260
Holy shit, they're not messing around!
259
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,359
That's right.
260
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,180
Know what these teardrops mean.
261
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:50,780
You're sensitive?
262
00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:53,260
No. You've been chopping onions.
263
00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,170
No. You all just watched Avengers
Endgame?
264
00:17:56,430 --> 00:18:00,310
These tears mean we killed for this
territory and will kill again.
265
00:18:00,650 --> 00:18:04,510
We are the only meth distributors in
this area.
266
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:06,610
Mine's actually a raindrop.
267
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:08,530
Really makes your swastika pop.
268
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:09,790
Good for you.
269
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,030
Oh, thank you.
270
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:13,250
Now, what do you guys want from us?
271
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,890
We want the formula for your honey nut
meth.
272
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:20,890
Never. Well, then we keep you in this
cage and we watch you starve when we
273
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:21,950
smoke all your shit.
274
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:23,770
All of it?
275
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,060
Can you at least blow the smoke towards
me?
276
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:32,120
Oh, the bouquet is so sophisticated.
277
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,520
It's pecan and scrumptious.
278
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,460
There are 200 million white men in
America.
279
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,700
Every four years, how many of those 200
million white men gets elected
280
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,800
president? Um, one?
281
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,860
Exactly. Why can't the other 200 million
white men be president, too?
282
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,180
I don't know.
283
00:19:09,420 --> 00:19:11,780
Discrimination. Anti-white
discrimination.
284
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:16,100
They hate everything white. My doctor
said to eat breads made with whole
285
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,340
grains instead of white flour.
286
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:21,680
They say diabetes is caused by white
sugar.
287
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,500
What kind of flag do you raise when you
surrender during a war?
288
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,440
The white flag.
289
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,960
Why is it white?
290
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,940
It's the flag of fear, and we Aryans are
not afraid of anything.
291
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,540
Yeah!
292
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,640
Well, except black people.
293
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,440
We're not afraid of anything except
black people.
294
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,460
I'm scared of Jews, especially Jewish
bankers.
295
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:49,780
OK, OK, we're not scared of anything
except black people, Jews, especially
296
00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:52,520
Jewish bankers. And Mexicans.
297
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,820
Me too, but I do like taco salad.
298
00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:01,700
I'm scared of trans people using the
same bathroom as me. Oh, yeah? I'm
299
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,700
scared of that, too.
300
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:08,000
Damn it! Okay, we're totally fearless,
and nothing scares us except for black
301
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,180
people, Jews, Jewish bankers, Mexicans,
and trans people using bathrooms.
302
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,620
And did I mention fear of commitment?
303
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,360
No, no, you didn't. You didn't. Then
please add that and pass me the mess
304
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,940
pipe. That's a lot of fears for fearless
people.
305
00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:27,120
Oh, damn!
306
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,420
This mess is good!
307
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,660
The bears will not replace us! The bears
will not replace us! The bears will not
308
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:40,700
replace us! The bears will not replace
us! The bears will not replace us! What
309
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,760
the fuck are they looking at? Is my
Hitler tattoo moving?
310
00:20:44,629 --> 00:20:48,490
If this is what people in meth are like,
I'm never smoking meth again. I hate how
311
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:49,590
it makes me aggressive.
312
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,810
Violent. And incredibly strong.
313
00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:53,049
Oh, my gosh.
314
00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:54,490
What? I need your tie.
315
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,370
Now put your hands on the bars at the
door and try and pull them apart.
316
00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:03,670
I can't pull them apart.
317
00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:07,710
You told me to never do meth again.
318
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:11,210
Unless we're trapped in an Aryan
Brotherhood bear-proof cage. Inhale.
319
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:46,050
smoking meth can i just eat one more
human god damn it just one more yes okay
320
00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:52,890
but i have a question for you are you
uncircumcised i'm a
321
00:21:52,890 --> 00:21:56,930
motherfucking aryan what do you think oh
yeah
322
00:22:14,510 --> 00:22:20,650
but also yummier. I want to eat every
Aryan's wiener. Oh, my God.
323
00:22:21,910 --> 00:22:22,970
Garrett, stop.
324
00:22:23,310 --> 00:22:24,310
Okay, okay.
325
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:26,710
Everybody stop.
326
00:22:27,470 --> 00:22:32,170
We will spare your lives, but you warn
everyone in town.
327
00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:35,650
No one fucking deals meth without the
permission of us bears.
328
00:22:35,970 --> 00:22:40,070
We motherfucking badass bears now rule
this fucking town!
329
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,030
Exclamation point.
330
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:51,670
Grab their chemicals.
331
00:22:53,090 --> 00:22:59,010
And I can't leave this dead, half-eaten
body as evidence, so I'll just take it
332
00:22:59,010 --> 00:22:59,929
to go.
333
00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,850
Just to hide the evidence.
334
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:04,490
Whoa, damn it.
335
00:23:06,890 --> 00:23:10,390
Oh, thank God you're alive.
336
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,850
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
337
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,530
It's just so slippery.
338
00:23:15,130 --> 00:23:17,850
This is what happens when you skip leg
day, Jer.
339
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:30,000
You know how people say, do bears shit
in the woods?
340
00:23:30,420 --> 00:23:31,420
Yeah.
341
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,940
Well, they got it wrong.
342
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:39,360
Bears fuck shit up in the woods.
343
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:52,640
Motherfuckers.
344
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:56,640
That'll teach him. Yeah.
345
00:23:57,130 --> 00:23:59,110
Nobody tied me up without paying.
346
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:01,250
Keep that, fucker.
347
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:05,850
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