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All language subtitles for Breaking Bear s01e01 Bear-Ly Legal

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,540 --> 00:00:11,540 you 2 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,700 I think we deserve a beer, some fresh air, and then some lunch. Yo! 3 00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:08,000 Oh, man. 4 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,820 Uh, dude, are you thinking of taking a swim? 5 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:16,300 Why? Because, dude, you are in your underwear in front of another guy. 6 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,720 And? And because that usually only happens if you're planning on going 7 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,860 swimming or at the beginning of a gay porno. 8 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,940 Wait. How would you know what happens at the beginning of a gay porno? Stop 9 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:32,600 trying to change the subject, man. 10 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:38,300 This is about you standing around once again in nothing but your undies. We 11 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:42,980 have talked about this so many times. Even if it's just two guys cooking meth 12 00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:47,020 together in an RV, there are certain workplace protocols. 13 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:48,740 Fuck! 14 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,940 File a complaint with HR. 15 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,540 Oh, shit, damn, fuck! 16 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,440 This water's colder than my uncle's handjobs. 17 00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:00,400 Yo, man, what the hell is that? 18 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,880 Okay, don't judge me. That water was cold. 19 00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:05,600 No, stupid, that! 20 00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:07,360 Is someone in the RV? 21 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,380 Someone might be stealing our damn truck. 22 00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:39,790 Idiot. Those are black bears. 23 00:02:40,050 --> 00:02:43,590 Oh, dude, hey, man. There's no reason to bring race into this. 24 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:53,990 Show yourselves, you little Armenian bears. 25 00:02:57,150 --> 00:03:01,130 We don't want to hurt you. We just want our stash back. 26 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,460 There you are. Now I got you, you stupid animal. 27 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:53,999 Oh, yeah. 28 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,140 Come on, you dirty little skank. You like that? I'm a bear. You're a human. 29 00:03:58,560 --> 00:03:59,860 This is so wrong. 30 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:09,520 Shit! Shit! Why do I always prematurely... Wake up! 31 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,840 Every freaking hibernation! If it was one night... Okay, I get it. But a five 32 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:16,959 -month wet dream? 33 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,219 Fuck no! 34 00:04:18,220 --> 00:04:19,839 The damn god of birth! 35 00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:28,390 Not this time, hibernation heart on winter wood, forest footlong, because 36 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:30,770 I'm hotter than the average bear. 37 00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:32,850 Hello. 38 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:40,810 I'm hungry and horny. I'm randy and ravenous. 39 00:04:42,810 --> 00:04:46,810 My favorite kind of book, a hiding place for porn. 40 00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:51,990 Good thing these never go bad. 41 00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:57,250 My two favorite things, food and porn. 42 00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:01,830 Stop! 43 00:05:04,870 --> 00:05:05,910 My eyes! 44 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:07,130 It burns! 45 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:10,010 Ew! I just had my fur done. 46 00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:13,130 Relax, it's just a cream filling from my twinkle cake. 47 00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:19,150 Sweet ghost of Pee Wee Herman. You do this after every hibernation. Honey jar! 48 00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:22,590 Honey jar comes me. Honey jar comes me. 49 00:05:22,810 --> 00:05:25,790 Yes, it does, Pudding Pants. Yes, it does. 50 00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:27,710 I'm here for you. 51 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,270 Please tell me you weren't watching human porn. 52 00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:36,870 No, I was doing Pilates. It's important to stretch after hibernation, you know. 53 00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:40,010 Limber up them joints. Get rid of the stiffness. 54 00:05:40,950 --> 00:05:42,310 Ow! The fuck? 55 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,150 Barely Legal, Volume 12? 56 00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:47,230 Exactly. Barely legal. 57 00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:48,610 I'm a horny bear. 58 00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:52,550 Ew. Not a spelling bee champion. What kind of bear wants to masturbate to 59 00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:53,830 humans having sex? 60 00:05:54,070 --> 00:06:00,950 Stop tick-shaming me. Human porn, human TV, human food, it's all just so good. 61 00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:09,010 Sorry to interrupt your erotic TED Talk, but while you were snoozing, I read... 62 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,780 Bear codependent no more. And I'm changing all my behavior patterns. 63 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:17,740 You oversleep every year, and then you expect me to take care of you and your 64 00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:22,280 brother. No more. Can I have another honey jar? Or three? Or four? Or five? 65 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,720 Of course, baby. 66 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,280 Fuck, I did it again. 67 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,600 You seem cranky. How long you been awake? 68 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:28,880 Three weeks. 69 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:33,720 Three weeks. And you got me no food. We're not finding food. We're going to 70 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,620 starve. Things have changed all around Bear Mountain. 71 00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,040 Really changed. 72 00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:43,290 I will reveal to you my secret spot for food. 73 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:48,690 I've had some of my finest meals here. Take a moment and breathe in the magic 74 00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:49,690 aroma. 75 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:56,450 Mmm, spoiled spam, moldy melons, tart and tangy tampons. 76 00:06:56,670 --> 00:06:57,670 Nom, nom, nom. 77 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:02,850 What the fuck? Ow! 78 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:05,890 Oh, yeah. I should have warned you, huh? 79 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,410 Turns out that while we were hibernating, the humans bear-proofed 80 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:10,850 every garbage can in the park. 81 00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:12,390 I can get this open. 82 00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:16,230 Ow! No! I can't! Ow! I can't! Ow! 83 00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,890 No, I can't! 84 00:07:20,910 --> 00:07:23,410 What about the berry bushes on Blustery Hill? 85 00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:24,990 They are yummy. 86 00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:32,150 See, Blair, like many females, you were edgy when you were hungry. 87 00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:34,970 Shame on you for being an alarmist once again. 88 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:41,759 Go ahead. 89 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,100 You get some berries first, Jer. 90 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,340 I know you're hungry. 91 00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:58,060 I made it. 92 00:07:58,780 --> 00:07:59,780 Black Bear! 93 00:07:59,940 --> 00:08:00,940 Black Bear! 94 00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:08,380 What the frack? 95 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,320 Exactly. Fracking for oil. 96 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,660 And it's happening all over the forest now. 97 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,160 Filthy motherfuckers. 98 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:21,460 Look, they're literally sucking the life right out of our habitat. 99 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:28,160 Ew. At least gentrification can be kind of cute. This is just gross. 100 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:34,480 I don't know why the noble humans would do that to me. Their biggest fan. 101 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,419 This... It's supposed to be protected land for the animals. 102 00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:52,460 Oh, inhale that odor. 103 00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:56,920 These humans left fruit inside cooking knowing that we were coming. 104 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,000 Care? No. 105 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:00,680 No! 106 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,720 Come on! 107 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,920 Gee, did no one hear me say no? 108 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:10,860 Whoa. 109 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:14,980 Whoa, look at all these jars of honey. 110 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,120 The rich know how to do honey right. 111 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,640 This is amazing. 112 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,060 Whoa. 113 00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:27,980 Help! 114 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:35,720 There's wild bears in my brand new luxury cabin. 115 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,640 Smoked salmon. 116 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,020 Fuck yeah, I'll try. 117 00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,900 Hey, don't bogart the fish. 118 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,240 You two are disgusting. 119 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:03,760 I mean, I've been essentially starving in hibernation for the last few months 120 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,100 too, but you don't see me. 121 00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:17,970 Who's that? 122 00:10:19,430 --> 00:10:23,230 It's just the forest protector, the park rangers. 123 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:27,630 They always think it's annoying yet amusing when a bear steals food. 124 00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:31,190 Here's the thing. If you treat humans with love and respect, you will get 125 00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,830 treated with love and respect back. 126 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:34,690 Hello, lovely rangers. 127 00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:44,110 Where's the love and respect? Get down on the fucking ground now. Stop 128 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,110 resisting. 129 00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:48,810 I'm on the ground. Mr. Ranger. 130 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:51,210 Save me, Blair. 131 00:10:51,510 --> 00:10:55,590 Save me, Blair. Why don't you just have that tattooed on your freaking forehead? 132 00:10:56,010 --> 00:11:00,390 Get your paws up and get down on the fucking ground. 133 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,890 Fucking bear bitch. Run. 134 00:11:11,850 --> 00:11:13,770 It's locked. 135 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,170 This way. 136 00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:26,180 Oh, no. They're not getting away. 137 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,680 Fair warning. 138 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:43,420 I got my own bear spray, biatches. 139 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,600 Oh, shit. 140 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:05,130 Trust me, sex is overrated. 141 00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:08,250 No, you dirty ranger bastard! 142 00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:10,530 Stop! Wait. 143 00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:11,770 What? 144 00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,850 Bulimia is no laughing matter. 145 00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:30,050 You know, you aren't nice, like the rangers in cartoons. 146 00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:35,650 have any more of these darts i really enjoyed the nap and sometimes over-the 147 00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:41,150 -counter melatonin just doesn't do the trick i'm the new head ranger here and 148 00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:45,870 things are gonna run properly for once humans top of the fucking food chain 149 00:12:45,870 --> 00:12:52,590 animals bottom the fucking bottom fucking bottom is that even an option 150 00:12:52,590 --> 00:12:58,830 i didn't think i'd be happy to go back home after months of hibernation You 151 00:12:58,830 --> 00:13:02,090 idiots broke into the governor's new cabin, so here's your punishment. 152 00:13:02,430 --> 00:13:05,910 A remote cave is the perfect spot for fracking flowback fluid waste. 153 00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:14,470 Ew. 154 00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:18,770 Bear Mountain is now Oil Mountain. 155 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,850 You're not allowed back here. 156 00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:22,290 Fuck. 157 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,790 Where are they taking us? 158 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:33,140 No, no, no, no, no, no! 159 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:42,440 This is the worst possible 160 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,740 place you guys could leave us. 161 00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,100 Exactly. 162 00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:50,600 This is Wolf Hollow. What the fuck are bears doing in wolf territory? 163 00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:52,140 It's the Wolf Queen. 164 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,420 Wolf Pack, assemble! 165 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,200 Bears are in your territory. 166 00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:05,980 So what are you going to do about... What the fuck? 167 00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:08,260 Mom, come here and smell. 168 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,760 Mommy's busy. And stay away from that nice man's pleated khakis. 169 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:19,800 Human junk smells really good. I'm getting a Bath and Body Works cucumber 170 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,000 body wash scent. 171 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:26,660 See, I'm not the only animal who appreciates human genitalia. Wait, is 172 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:31,040 that lavender dryer sheet with the... Subtle top note of Costco Romano cheese 173 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,840 I'm picking up. Need I remind you that only lowly dogs smell crutches, not us 174 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,300 superior wolves. 175 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:39,700 Now get the fuck away from me, freak. 176 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:44,900 Please don't leave us here. 177 00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:49,140 Let's find out what happens to bears in Wolf Hollow. 178 00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:53,080 Please don't eat me. I haven't finished my DVD yet. Don't worry, Jer. 179 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:55,460 Bears are superior fighters. 180 00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:57,400 Three of us against six of them. 181 00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,640 I like the odds. 182 00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,740 I suck at math, but the odds are we're fucked. 183 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,360 Run! 184 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:14,380 We 185 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:21,500 could 186 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:24,220 have taken them, but I think I pulled something during my jerk fest. 187 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,360 Next time, let me know if I can help. Next time, let me know if you need me to 188 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,360 lend a hand. 189 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,260 I'm out with fighting the wolves. 190 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,240 Hold on a second. They're not the ones who dump toxic sludge in our house and 191 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,720 cut down our forest for profit. 192 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,100 Humans are the real enemy. 193 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,160 Let's make a pact to stay away from all humans. 194 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:46,880 Oh, I'm so hungry. 195 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,520 Let's look for food at London Lake. 196 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,140 We could fish for salmon there. 197 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,800 You do know salmon is full of mercury, right? Too much mercury inside of you, 198 00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:56,699 and you're dead. 199 00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:58,380 Who are you? Bill Nair, the science bear? 200 00:15:58,660 --> 00:15:59,800 Here's another fun fact. 201 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,140 No food inside you, and you're dead, too. Wait. 202 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,480 Does anyone smell smoke? No. Does it smell like burning toast? If so, you may 203 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,480 be having a stroke. 204 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,060 No. I can smell it, too. 205 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,780 Oh, my God. 206 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,360 You're both having strokes. 207 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:15,800 What are the chances? 208 00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:19,320 I'll never survive on my own. I'll never survive. 209 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,260 Oh, never mind. 210 00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:23,740 Whoa. 211 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,780 I bet whatever they're cooking is delicious. 212 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:31,740 Um, stay focused. We just said we would stay away from humans. Do you need more 213 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,880 examples? Look at what they've done to our beautiful planet. 214 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,740 Global warming, war, Billie Eilish. 215 00:16:38,020 --> 00:16:40,940 Population, starvation, Dr. Pimple Popper. 216 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,000 Slavery, genocide, vegan cheese. 217 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,570 Easy. People suck. 218 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:48,350 But you must admit they make great food. 219 00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:52,070 They really do. Come on, player. Can't we just do what folks who eat at Chick 220 00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:55,710 -fil-A do? Enjoy the yummy food and ignore the horrible people? 221 00:16:56,050 --> 00:17:00,570 Humans had their chance over and over. I'm fed up. Do what you want. I'm 222 00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:01,369 hunting solo. 223 00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:02,370 Live, laugh, love. 224 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:06,530 When you die of mercury poisoning, say hi to Freddy for me. 225 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,079 planning on going swimming, or at the beginning of a gay porno. 226 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:22,720 Wait. 227 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,020 Maybe we were wrong. Smells awful. 228 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,320 Our top story tonight. Shocking security footage shows what appears to be an 229 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,960 Armenian family. No, wait. It's bears ransacking the governor's newly built 230 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,440 luxury cabin in Daniel Boone State Forest. 231 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,900 We made the news? 232 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,920 For more, we take you to our star reporter on the scene. 233 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,400 Hi, Tawny. 234 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,600 Thanks, Ken. 235 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:51,480 I'm standing in front of the very cabin where a fierce, ferocious bear savagely 236 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,259 broke in. 237 00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:54,500 She thinks I'm a ferocious savage. 238 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,400 Ferociously sexy. 239 00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:57,660 Am I right? 240 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:03,200 According to Ranger Darcy, the governor was working in his office when the bears 241 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:08,540 arrived. What would have happened to the unsuspecting governor if he came face to 242 00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:13,360 face with these savage beasts? Do we have to worry about these bears brutally 243 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,680 attacking humans? 244 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,680 No, the forest is now safe. The bears have been ethically relocated to a 245 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,460 peaceful environment far, far away from human contact. 246 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:28,360 But I heard that once an animal tastes human flesh, they will want to eat it 247 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,860 again and again and again. 248 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,940 What if a bear did eat a human? 249 00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:38,040 In Borneo, certain tribes eat other humans. 250 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,820 They say it tastes like the most delicious meat they've ever tasted. 251 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:47,320 Really? How do they prepare it? They roast it in the ground for eight hours, 252 00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:52,740 wrapped in palm leaves, and it makes the meat incredibly tender, like fall-off 253 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:53,800 -the-bone tender. 254 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,620 Thanks, honey. That sounds delicious. 255 00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:59,880 For the first time in my life, I am not thinking about porn. 256 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:05,140 Blair was right. Humans stink, and so does this place. Let's get out of here. 257 00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:07,180 Oh, look. Look, a fridge. 258 00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:09,820 Rotisserie chicken! 259 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:14,750 Yeah, it needs some salt. 260 00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:16,250 Where do they keep it? 261 00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:19,510 Look at this. A selection of gourmet rock salt. 262 00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:23,890 Oh, this salt... This salt has an odd metallic taste. 263 00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:26,610 It's making my tongue go numb. 264 00:19:27,910 --> 00:19:31,550 It doesn't... It doesn't smell like normal salt either. 265 00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:39,490 Oh, my God! Everything 266 00:19:39,490 --> 00:19:41,490 makes perfect sense now. I'm everything and nothing. 267 00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:46,690 I can see it all so clearly. God, man, bear, the universe. 268 00:19:47,990 --> 00:19:50,670 Have you ever seen Christopher Nolan and Jennifer Gould together? 269 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:51,890 No. 270 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,350 Coincidence or conspiracy? 271 00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,370 Oh, man, what the hell is that? 272 00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:58,850 Someone in the RV? 273 00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,310 We have to get out of here. 274 00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:03,010 Die, motherfuckers. 275 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:09,490 That was a bullet. Bullets can't harm me. Nothing can harm me. I'm a badass 276 00:20:09,490 --> 00:20:12,270 bear. Hey, I need more salt. 277 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,580 Fine, fuck it. We all have a drug of choice. I need more of that rotisserie 278 00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,000 chicken. What the? 279 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:22,840 Fuck, what the? We're getting robbed by Armenians. 280 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,220 Wearing crotch while eating broccoli equals broccoli. 281 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,600 We don't want to hurt you. We just want our stack back. 282 00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,600 Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. 283 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:37,940 Motherfuckers. 284 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,660 Yo, there you are. Now I got you. 285 00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,220 Stupid animal. 286 00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:45,980 No! 287 00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:49,920 Bullets can't harm me! Nothing can harm me! 288 00:21:35,630 --> 00:21:37,590 Nobody aims a gun at my brothers. 289 00:21:37,950 --> 00:21:39,130 You saved us. 290 00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:46,230 I'm supposed to stop saving you. God damn it. I am so codependent. Please 291 00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:50,830 don't kill me. I'll get you anything you want. Picnic baskets, food, honey, all 292 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:55,270 the honey you can eat. Fuck honey. What about this amazing rock salt? 293 00:21:55,590 --> 00:21:56,590 Fuck yeah. 294 00:21:57,390 --> 00:22:00,230 What the hell is my brother sniffing? That is crystal meth. 295 00:22:00,470 --> 00:22:01,470 Give me your wallet. 296 00:22:02,470 --> 00:22:04,390 Dwight Salter, you're a teacher? 297 00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:08,470 Yes. Oh, yeah? Teacher, prove it. What is algebra? 298 00:22:09,210 --> 00:22:10,950 Useless? Fuck, he's good. 299 00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:15,150 I believe manufacturing methamphetamine with intent to distribute is a class one 300 00:22:15,150 --> 00:22:19,310 felony with a minimum 10 years sentence. The governor cut funding for the school. 301 00:22:19,570 --> 00:22:23,770 I'm trying to help. If you watch TV, you would know most people deal drugs as a 302 00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:24,770 way to do good. 303 00:22:25,770 --> 00:22:29,830 Their husband dies and they have to pay the mortgage or they get cancer. And 304 00:22:29,830 --> 00:22:32,450 because we live in the only advanced nation that doesn't have universal 305 00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:36,410 health care, we need to deal drugs to pay the medical bills. 306 00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:38,550 So most drug dealers are good guys? 307 00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:42,910 Of course we are. We are doing bad to do good. 308 00:22:43,310 --> 00:22:49,490 So if I, say, wanted to fight frackers who were destroying my forest, 309 00:22:49,790 --> 00:22:52,830 could I use drug money to do that? Of course. 310 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,300 I could make you guys my partners, teach you everything. 311 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,320 Doing bad to do good. 312 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,840 We are going to take our forest back. 313 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,040 Was he also doing bad to do good? 314 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,900 Well, no. 315 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:12,900 He was just a meth head. 316 00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:17,340 In the meth trade, like the police force, you do get the occasional bad 317 00:23:17,340 --> 00:23:18,940 apple. And you shot him? 318 00:23:19,660 --> 00:23:20,660 Oh, shit. 319 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,320 Please help me hide the body. 320 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,840 I know the best place to hide it. 321 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:29,920 Mind you, it's not something I want to do, but as a team player wanting to help 322 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,540 you, I will agree to hide his body. 323 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,280 Where? 324 00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:40,720 In my belly. I just swallowed his arm. 325 00:23:42,100 --> 00:23:43,100 Huh? What? 326 00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:47,430 I heard the reporters say animals can never get over the taste of human flesh. 327 00:23:47,670 --> 00:23:53,490 Oh, no. No, no. I cannot believe it. You understand you cannot eat human flesh 328 00:23:53,490 --> 00:23:54,550 ever again. 329 00:23:54,910 --> 00:23:59,510 You're right. You're right. I won't ever... I mean, I shouldn't. 330 00:23:59,730 --> 00:24:01,330 No, I will not. 331 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:04,110 But... Chair! 332 00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:05,670 I said no! 333 00:24:07,310 --> 00:24:08,950 What? Fuck! 334 00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,190 Oh, my... 335 00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:15,560 Fucking God, that is fucking delicious. 24916