All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E05.Look.Don t.Touch.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,512 - Ray, wake up. Ray, wake up. 2 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,348 Wake up! - There's pudding everywhere. 3 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,054 - Ray, I think I hear something. 4 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:25,491 - Does it sound like you talking? 5 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,495 - Come on. Ray, I'm serious. 6 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:31,530 - All right, all right. 7 00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,267 How come I'm the noise checker-outer? 8 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,302 - Because it would look pathetic on the news 9 00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:40,039 If I were beaten up while you were sleeping. 10 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,574 Careful, honey, it could be dangerous. 11 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,576 - Yeah. - And ray-- 12 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:48,180 If it's nothing dangerous, could you get me a yogurt? 13 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,184 - Yeah. 14 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:56,055 - You know, in fact, get me a yogurt either way. 15 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,559 - Hi, I'm ray, 16 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,127 And I live here in long island 17 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:03,562 With my wife, debra. 18 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,830 She's great with the kids, 19 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,166 The house, everything. 20 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,068 Oh, I don't know how she does it. 21 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,569 We've got a daughter, ally, 22 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:14,206 And twin two-year-old boys. 23 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,508 It's not really about the kids. 24 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,511 My parents live across the street. 25 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:20,846 That's right, 26 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:24,183 And my brother lives with them. 27 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:27,286 Would go by on a conveyer belt for you, 28 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,188 But mine would, because-- 29 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,223 - Everybody loves raymond. 30 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,225 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 31 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,802 Hey, nemo. 32 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,805 - Hey, there. Steinbrenner sucks. 33 00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,308 - Thanks for the scoop. 34 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,409 - Hey, come here. 35 00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:51,643 I thought we'd eat at the booth today. 36 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:54,513 - Why, are you breaking up with me? 37 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,616 - Ha, ha, ha. Just shut up and sit over there. 38 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,452 Come on, trust me. 39 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,121 You won't be disappointed. 40 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,759 And we have liftoff. 41 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:08,894 - Hi. 42 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,297 Something to drink first? 43 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,433 - Uh-- 44 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,135 Beer. 45 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,136 - It's a little early. 46 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,537 - I like it with pizza. 47 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,672 But I don't know, what do you think I should have? 48 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,742 Because I'll change it. 49 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,811 - I drink eight glasses of water a day. 50 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,846 - Water. I'll have water. 51 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,215 Pitcher of water. - Okay. 52 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:32,151 And you? - Yeah, okay, water. 53 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,819 I'll just start with a glass, though. 54 00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,556 And then what, we're going to have the usual? 55 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:41,426 - I just started on Saturday. Nobody has a usual yet. 56 00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,797 - It's four slices, everything on it. 57 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,733 - That should be an occasional. 58 00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:51,370 [bernie laughs] 59 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,839 - How about that? That's nemo's niece, 60 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,941 Angelina. 61 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,177 - I think she was standing a little close. 62 00:02:58,179 --> 00:02:59,478 - Man, look at her. 63 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,480 If I wasn't married, you know what I'd do? 64 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,916 - Wear the same underwear every day. 65 00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:09,454 - Come on, ray. You don't think she's hot? 66 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,889 - Yeah, all right, she's all right. Relax. 67 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,292 You're going to pull a muscle. 68 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,793 - She's all right? 69 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,196 She's built like the lady from the mudflaps. 70 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,931 - The mudflaps? What? 71 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,632 - You know, the lady you see on the trucks. 72 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:21,667 You know, like this. 73 00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:24,203 - Don't you do it. 74 00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,973 - Your order will be up in just one minute. 75 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:31,577 - Ohh. Did you smell her? 76 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,413 - No, I-- I read the sign, bernie: 77 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,682 "thank you for not smelling the help." 78 00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:40,586 - Yep, here you go. - Thank you. 79 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,821 - Thanks, angelina. Thank you. Thanks. 80 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,389 Ask for parmesan. 81 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,457 - No. - Just go ahead. 82 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,458 - I don't want parmesan. - Angelina? 83 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,459 - Yeah? 84 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:50,229 Just a smidgen of grated parmesan, please. 85 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,664 - Okay. - Wait. A smidgen? 86 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:55,500 Oh, you can't control yourself, can you? 87 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,402 - I cannot. 88 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,004 - Say when. 89 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,591 - When. 90 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,562 Give me your water. 91 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:27,499 [telephone rings] 92 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,905 - Hello? 93 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,308 Yes, he is. May I ask who's calling? 94 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,843 Okay, just a minute. Angelina. 95 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,378 - Angelina? 96 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,716 Don't know anyone by that name. 97 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,853 - Uh, does he know what this is regarding? 98 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,688 Okay. Yeah. Thanks for calling. 99 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,023 Bye-bye. 100 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:52,024 She's got your wallet. 101 00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:53,725 - My--my wallet? 102 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,861 - Yeah. It's at nemo's. 103 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,030 - I didn't go to nemo's. 104 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:06,004 - Well, your wallet made it there somehow. 105 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,706 Do you have your wallet? 106 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:12,744 Ray, she said she just waited on you. 107 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,947 - Oh, nemo's. Nemo's. Yeah, yeah. 108 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,550 There might have been a waitress over there, yeah. 109 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,385 Even though we usually go to the counter. 110 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:23,355 But today, nemo, he forced us into this table, 111 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,724 Where the waitresses go. 112 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,992 So we had to have a waitress-- 113 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,795 Not "have" a waitress. 114 00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,731 We had, uh, waitress service. 115 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,766 - So how pretty is she? 116 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,435 - I didn't say she was pretty. 117 00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,437 - You didn't have to. 118 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,439 You're being so defensive about it. 119 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,841 My gosh, you'd think something was going on. 120 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,810 - Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 121 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,946 Ha, ha, ha. 122 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,949 Ah! Ha, ha, ha, ha. 123 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,818 No, no, no, no. 124 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:56,021 No, no, no. 125 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,123 - You're a freak. 126 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,625 - What? What did I do? What did I do? 127 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:04,096 I mean, look, ray, if you saw someone pretty today, 128 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:05,097 You can tell me. 129 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:06,765 - I saw nothing. 130 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,534 - Oh, wow! She must be beautiful. 131 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,136 - Look, she's nemo's niece. 132 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:14,039 How beautiful can she be, huh? 133 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,708 You've seen nemo. 134 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,011 All right, look, some men might find her attractive. 135 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,481 Nothing like you, though. 136 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,815 That-- 137 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:27,619 Which means that you are the more attractive one. 138 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:31,456 I--I have the right to an attorney. 139 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,564 - Okay, so she's beautiful. 140 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,433 That's all I wanted to know. No big deal. 141 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:45,470 - All right, good. So it's over, done. 142 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,139 All right, what's for dinner? 143 00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:48,607 - Lasagna. 144 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,675 - Aha. 145 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,110 - So would you sleep with her if we weren't married? 146 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,945 - Oh, what? No! 147 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,148 No. No, no. 148 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,683 - Let's just pretend I didn't exist. 149 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:01,486 - I don't like this ride. It's scary. 150 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,524 - What are you afraid of? 151 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,473 - Look, if you didn't exist, 152 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,776 I'd never meet another woman, because I'd be a sailor. 153 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,011 I'd sail. 154 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,680 I'd just sail around the world by myself, 155 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,983 Married to the salt and the sea. 156 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,853 - Oh, man, okay, just forget it. 157 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,688 Good grief, I was just kidding. 158 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,123 - All right. 159 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:43,595 - Okay, so you're a sailor. 160 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,130 You--you pull into the port of queens 161 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,065 To-- to take on supplies, 162 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,668 And you go ashore to nemo's. 163 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,237 You know, you're lonely from this long journey, 164 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:55,207 And you come upon this lovely pizza wench. 165 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,944 Would you sleep with her? 166 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,813 - You don't exist? 167 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,114 - It's like "it's a wonderful life." 168 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,650 There's no debra. 169 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,786 - Well, then it's not a wonderful life, is it? 170 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,855 - Oh, ha, ha. 171 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,965 - How many months have I been at sea? 172 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,867 - Mmm, seven. 173 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,568 - And there's no wind, there's nothing. 174 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,237 I'm just stuck there for a long time? 175 00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:29,508 - No me, no wind, stuck on shore. 176 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:32,844 - Well, then, sure, yeah. 177 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,280 I guess so. 178 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,984 Break out the funky cold medina. 179 00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,692 - I'll take that as a yes. 180 00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,128 - Okay? 181 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,563 - Yep, sure. Fine. 182 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,899 So, what kind-- what kind of sauce? 183 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,200 Meat sauce or-- 184 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:02,541 Or should I just eat out of a bowl on the porch? 185 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,844 You didn't exist! 186 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,284 - You sure you aren't hungry? 187 00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:16,721 - Hey, ray, does this smell funny to you? 188 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:20,792 - Yeah. Yeah. 189 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,827 - Okay, no charge. 190 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,001 - Look, I'm here to get my wallet, that's it. 191 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,002 I'm just getting my wallet. 192 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,270 You're my witness. 193 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,975 - You hungry yet? 194 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,176 - No, no, no. 195 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:38,977 - Then just come sit with me. 196 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,312 Come on. Come on. 197 00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,649 What are you looking so guilty about? 198 00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:47,152 - That's my natural look. 199 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,353 - Look, lighten up, ray. 200 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,855 You didn't do anything wrong. 201 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,357 - Let me tell you something, bernie. 202 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,926 This has been bothering me. 203 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:59,664 I did not need that much parmesan cheese. 204 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:08,306 - Hi. I'm glad you're here. 205 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,841 - You are? 206 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,810 - Here you go. 207 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:15,380 You got cute kids there. 208 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,381 I'll be right back. 209 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,349 - Oh, man, you are golden. 210 00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,084 You know who she smells like? 211 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,186 Do you remember carla demeco from high school? 212 00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,989 - Oh, yeah. Carla demeco. 213 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,157 She smelled like vanilla-- 214 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,059 And--and apple, 215 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,394 And strawberry. 216 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:34,165 The syrup caddie at the house of pancakes. 217 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,635 - Let's go there later. 218 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:39,804 - Hello, ladies. - Hey! 219 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:40,972 - Dad, what are you doing here? 220 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,642 - Hey, let me in. 221 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:44,976 - Dad, why are you here? 222 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,011 - Hee, hee, hee. 223 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,680 I came to see the new waitress. 224 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,182 - Oh, god, dad! 225 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,319 - Hey, relax. I'm having lunch. 226 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,821 - Hi, will you be joining them? 227 00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:00,125 - Holy crap! 228 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,661 Uh, uh, yes, yes, I will. Thank you. 229 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,062 - Okay. 230 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,697 What can I get for you? 231 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,433 - I'll have a meatball sandwich, dear. 232 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,335 - And to drink? 233 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:14,272 - A non-alcoholic beer, s'il vous plait. 234 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,307 - I think she's got a little crush on your boy here. 235 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,043 - Hey, you better watch it. 236 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,311 What's the matter with you? Does debra know? 237 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,147 - What? There's nothing to know. 238 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,381 - Ray left his wallet here yesterday, 239 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:26,284 She called the house looking for ray. 240 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,153 - Jeez-aloo! 241 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,055 Hey, you denied noticing her, right? 242 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,691 - I tried, but debra can tell when I'm lying. 243 00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,160 Then we had to discuss it. 244 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,328 - You don't know what you're messing with here, do you? 245 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,397 You could get hit by the thunderbolt. 246 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,398 - What's that? 247 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,966 - The thunderbolt. 248 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:46,237 You see somebody, and then-- ba-boom! 249 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:50,375 Before you know it, you're in big trouble. 250 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,976 It's in your blood. 251 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,345 - All right. - I can't go into detail. 252 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:59,184 - Here you go, large meatball. 253 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,886 - That's what we call him at home. 254 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,355 - How about you? Do you need anything? 255 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:05,457 - [raspy voice] no. 256 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,728 - You see? You see? 257 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,362 - You better watch it. - I really didn't-- 258 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,797 - Until you learn to keep a poker face, 259 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,833 You don't come in here anymore. 260 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,801 You're off nemo's. Just forget about it. 261 00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,404 No more pizza, you understand? 262 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,873 Uh, sweetheart? - Yeah? 263 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,876 - Could I have a little parmesan over here, please? 264 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,049 - Hello, dear. 265 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,250 - Well, hi. How are you? 266 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,119 - Good. Good. 267 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,087 Oh, where are the children? 268 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,323 - Oh, I got them plugged in. 269 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,760 Barney's in charge for the next half hour. 270 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,361 - Well, enjoy your break. 271 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,196 You deserve it, honey. 272 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,531 I remember before television, 273 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,200 We actually had to be with the kids. 274 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,368 - Ha, ha, ha, ha. 275 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:56,107 - So h-h-how you doing? 276 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,042 - I'm fine. Why? 277 00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,444 - Well, have you been getting enough rest? 278 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,147 'cause you look a little tired. 279 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,249 - Well, occupational hazard. 280 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,317 - Ha, ha, ha. Boy. 281 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,986 Oh, boy, honey, I know. 282 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,921 I've been there. Ha, ha. 283 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,990 Have you ever wondered why, uh, 284 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,226 Frank and I have such a good relationship? 285 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,895 - No. 286 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:20,899 - Well, you know, it's because I know the importance 287 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,101 Of keeping up my appearance. 288 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,536 Huh? 289 00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:27,071 Here's something I use 290 00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:29,941 For those little wrinkles around the eyes. 291 00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,812 - Marie, this is hemorrhoid cream. 292 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:38,316 - It stings a little, but it really works, see? 293 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,152 You might want to try it. 294 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,556 So how are things between you and ray? 295 00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,457 - Well, I'm not sure we need this. 296 00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,293 - Oh. Ha, ha, ha. 297 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:51,029 Well, you know me, debra. 298 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,399 I'm the last person to want to cause any trouble. 299 00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:56,467 But, uh-- 300 00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:59,237 I, uh, I've heard some things. 301 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,306 - Things? 302 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:05,543 Marie, all ray did was leave his wallet at nemo's. 303 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,478 - Ooh, I said too much. 304 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,947 Maybe I should go. 305 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,115 I was never here. 306 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,384 - Marie, I'm not worried about ray. 307 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,320 - Oh, I trust ray too. 308 00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:18,456 I don't trust that pizza parlor puttana. 309 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,991 Here, a gift. 310 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,226 - Hey! 311 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,994 - Hey, marie, we're starving over there. 312 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,964 - Okay, okay. Good luck, honey. 313 00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,333 - I don't need good luck. 314 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,902 There's nothing going on, you know? 315 00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,103 - Marie, what's she talking about? 316 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,340 We were just having a discussion. 317 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,375 - Marie, you're killing me with your yapper. 318 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,011 - Oh, no, it's not for you, dear. 319 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,412 It's for debra. 320 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,047 - Oh. 321 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,249 Sorry. 322 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:58,329 - You know, I appreciate the concern, and the gift, 323 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,966 But, you know, I really think this is between ray and I. 324 00:15:01,968 --> 00:15:04,469 - Oh, is this about raymond and the tramp? 325 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,906 - Hey, everybody. - Hey. 326 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,240 - Hi, ray. - Hey, ray. 327 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,113 - I'm starving. 328 00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:20,051 What--what's that I smell there, meat loaf? 329 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,521 - Yeah, but, um, that's for tomorrow. 330 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,924 I was thinking we could go to nemo's tonight. 331 00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:35,934 - What did you do? 332 00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,336 - Nothing; we were just having a discussion. 333 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,537 - Oh, no. 334 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,705 - But it's over now, 335 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,040 'cause you're going out to dinner. 336 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,274 Come on, let's go. 337 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,549 - Oh, what a tangled web we weave. 338 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,059 - You sure this is a good idea, honey? 339 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,428 Pizza could be fattening. 340 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,562 Not that you have to worry, 341 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,197 Not with your great figure. 342 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,233 Oh-- 343 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,602 Boy, I can't wait to get you home. 344 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,576 Hey, hey, suzy. 345 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,278 Uh, we're ready-- we're going to order right now. 346 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,247 - Oh, you brought the kids tonight. 347 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,415 I'm on break. 348 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,450 - Wait, wait-- 349 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,286 - Angelina, table four. 350 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,387 - Oh, hi, ray. 351 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,323 - Oh, hi, uh, waitress. 352 00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,627 Oh, look, kids, fire. 353 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,197 - Hi, I think we spoke on the phone earlier. 354 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,366 I'm angelina. Hi. - Oh, hi. 355 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,667 - I'm sorry, that was rude of me. 356 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,570 This is debra, the little lady. 357 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,705 I don't mean little in a size way 358 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,674 Or little that she doesn't matter. 359 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:55,213 She's my big lady. She's my great big lady. 360 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:56,748 - It's nice to meet you. 361 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,583 - You want your usual? 362 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,152 - Ha, ha. Like I have a usual. 363 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,089 - Go ahead, ray, just get your usual. 364 00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:08,760 - It's bernie's. It's bernie's usual. Uh-- 365 00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:13,164 I'm going to go with italian food. 366 00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:23,608 And what about you, my bride? 367 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,477 - Ha, ha, ha, ha. 368 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,280 Uh, we're going to have a large cheese pizza. 369 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,481 I need three milks for the kids. 370 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:35,219 And he needs something to drink right away. 371 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,687 And I'll have a salad, thanks. 372 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,557 - Okay. Coming right up. Thanks. 373 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,428 - All right, well, she is pretty. 374 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,296 I can see why you made such a big deal about her. 375 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,532 I didn't make a big deal about her. 376 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,333 You did; you made the big deal about her. 377 00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,802 Yeah, you're the one. 378 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,336 You're the one who put me in the ocean 379 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,272 And killed yourself. 380 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,640 And you kept me out there for seven months, 381 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:57,208 A lonely sailor. 382 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,376 You made me do it. 383 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,311 You made me sleep with her. 384 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,712 Oh, hello. 385 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,249 - Daddy's sweating. 386 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:08,653 - Do you mind? 387 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:11,456 - Help her. What's the matter with you? 388 00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:16,461 - Oh, I forgot. 389 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:20,431 - No! No, parmesan. No parmesan. 390 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:42,153 Unless you want parmesan. 391 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,593 - What are you doing in there, honey? 392 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,328 - Nothing. Nothing. 393 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,332 Wow! That really does sting. 394 00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,737 - Listen, I'm sorry about tonight. 395 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,240 I was a jerk. 396 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,307 - Just tell me one thing, ray. 397 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,309 Do you wish I looked like angelina? 398 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,311 - No, no. 399 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,813 Of course not. 400 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,781 How could I tell you apart? 401 00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:14,585 - What is it with you guys? 402 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,188 Why is it when one of you sees a pretty girl, 403 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:20,358 He becomes a basket case? 404 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,461 Why is how a woman looks the most important thing? 405 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,530 - That's god's way. 406 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,399 That's why the eyes are in front. 407 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,234 If what a woman said was the most important, 408 00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:34,205 Then the ears would be here. 409 00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:35,573 That's just natural selection. 410 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:39,343 There were guys like that, but they died out. 411 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,714 - Well, I just thought you were different. 412 00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,883 - I am different. 413 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,519 I am different. I'm very special. 414 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,754 - Ohh. 415 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,757 - You know that. 416 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,661 How many men do you know can do this? 417 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:04,435 [imitating bomb falling] 418 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,404 Boom! 419 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,454 - Who are you? 420 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,790 - Come on, huh--ow. 421 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,725 This is no big deal. 422 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,527 - You looking around is not a big deal? 423 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,796 - I didn't look around. I looked. 424 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,599 I looked, that's all. There's no "around." 425 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,335 And there never will be. 426 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,770 I'm sure you look around once in a while. 427 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,539 - No, women are-- women are different. 428 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,674 - Yeah, you never found another guy attractive? 429 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,544 - No. - Really? 430 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:47,778 - Well-- - come on! 431 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,780 - Oh, I don't know. 432 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,749 Oh, well, maybe. 433 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,317 - Who? 434 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,421 Who? Who? Who do you look at? 435 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,556 All right, look, if it helps, 436 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,826 I'm dead, and you're a sailor. 437 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:05,830 - Okay, well, there's that chuck wilson. 438 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,332 - Chuck wilson? At my paper? 439 00:21:08,334 --> 00:21:09,834 The columnist? - Yeah. Yeah. 440 00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,569 You know, his picture is right across from yours, 441 00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:13,838 And, uh, he's kind of cute. 442 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,905 - Wilson? - Yeah. 443 00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:18,676 - Oh, god, he's a fat load, wilson. 444 00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,378 - Well, he doesn't look fat in his picture. 445 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:21,712 - That's from the head up. 446 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:22,813 I'm telling you, 447 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:25,349 From the neck down, he's a carnival. 448 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,551 Wilson? God. 449 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,552 I thought you were going to say 450 00:21:28,554 --> 00:21:29,787 Bon jovi or something. 451 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:33,491 - Oh, right. Like I'm ever going to meet him. 452 00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:34,692 - Well, you sure as hell 453 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:35,926 Aren't going to meet chuck wilson now. 454 00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:38,562 - Oh, this is stupid, ray. Just forget it. 455 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,731 - Wilson. Big fat wilson. 456 00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,067 He's a pig. 457 00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:44,468 He's a fatty. 458 00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,006 He's got a curly tail. 459 00:21:50,609 --> 00:21:52,643 - Soo-ey! 460 00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,857 - Locking up. 461 00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:34,985 - [clears throat] when. 31546

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