All language subtitles for B.S01E12.Channing.Tatum.Is.a.Fine.Actor.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-Cinefeel_track3_[eng]

- Michele: FIVE,
SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.
- ( tapping )

CLEAN UP
THOSE SHUFFLES.

MAKE SURE YOU REALLY
CHANGE YOUR WEIGHT
ON YOUR FEET.

( music playing )

ALL RIGHT.
GREAT JOB, EVERYONE.

CLAP FOR YOURSELVES,
PLEASE.

AND THE GHOST
OF DONALD O'CONNOR

APPLAUDS YOU AS WELL.

DON'T SAY THAT NAME.

DON'T EVER
SAY THAT NAME.

WOW, WHAT'S WITH MAYBIN?
SHE JUST BIT MY HEAD OFF.

YOU DIDN'T MENTION
DONALD O'CONNOR, DID YOU?

- YEAH.
- BIG MISTAKE.

HEY, QUESTION--
WHEN IS THE ADULT
TAP CLASS DOING A RECITAL?

WELL, I'D SAY
PROBABLY NEVER.

WHAT? WHY?

THE SHORTIES DO
RECITALS ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, BUT THE SHORTIES
HAVE A BUILT IN AUDIENCE.

YOU GUYS DON'T.

ARE YOU SAYING PEOPLE
WOULDN'T COME

TO AN ADULT
TAP RECITAL?

THEY MIGHT IF IT WAS AN
ADULT FILM STAR TAP RECITAL.

WELL, THEN MAYBE
NOT A RECITAL,

BUT WE HAVE TO
DO SOMETHING.

OH, I KNOW. HOW ABOUT
A TAP DANCE FLASH MOB?

A TAP DANCE
FLASH MOB?

YEAH YEAH.

LIKE WE RUN INTO NORDSTROMS
WITHOUT WARNING

AND WE SURROUND
THAT DUDE PLAYING
THE PIANO,

AND THEN WE DO
A SHUFFLE STEP,

A COUPLE OF STAMPS,
ADD A FLAP HEEL,

AND THEN WE THROW
SHOES AT HIM.

WHY WOULD YOU THROW
SHOES AT HIM?

I DON'T KNOW.
'CAUSE WE'RE MAD AT
HIM FOR SOME REASON.

MAYBE WE COULD SET UP
SOME SORT OF

PERFORMANCE IN TOWN
THAT WOULDN'T INCLUDE
AN ASSAULT.

WELL, I'M OPEN.

SEE YOU.

HEY.

WHAT HAPPENED WITH
MAYBIN AND DONALD O'CONNOR?

OH, IT'S DARK.
REALLY DARK.

OH, AND DON'T MENTION
FIORELLO LAGUARDIA

OR BOB BARKER
AROUND HER EITHER.

- TRUST ME.
- ( crickets chirping )

- ( switch clicks )
- ( door shuts )

HEY, MICHELLE.

- HI.
- HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I TOTALLY BLEW
AT CLASS TODAY.

I JUST COULDN'T NAIL
THAT MOVE YOU SHOWED US--

THAT FOUETTE
INTO THE ATTITUDE TURN.

YEAH, IT'S TRICKY.

YEAH, SO I THOUGHT I'D
COME DOWN AND REHEARSE A LITTLE.

I LIKE IT WHEN
IT'S EMPTY AND QUIET.

DIDN'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

NO, I WAS JUST TAKING OFF.
THE PLACE IS ALL YOURS.

JUST LOCK UP WHEN
YOU'RE DONE, OKAY?

SURE, THANKS.

HOW ARE THINGS
AT HOME?

PARENTS STILL FIGHTING?

AT THE MOMENT,
THEY'RE JUST NOT SPEAKING,

SO WE'RE GOING THROUGH
A MUCH-NEEDED QUIET PERIOD.

WELL, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I HOPE
YOU KNOW THAT.

PROUD OF WHAT?

JUST MAKING IT
THROUGH JOFFREY,

BEING BACK HERE
WITH EVERYTHING
GOING ON.

IT'S BEEN
A LONG ROAD.

VERY.

AND I HOPE YOU KNOW
THAT IF YOU EVER

NEED SOMEONE
TO TALK TO,

OR JUST A PLACE
TO HANG...

I'M HERE.

THANKS.

SO IS HE OUTSIDE
OR STILL ON HIS WAY?

- WHO?
- DUDE.

- OUTSIDE.
- YO, ROMAN!

- HELLO, ROMAN.
- HELLO, MICHELLE.

- YOU GETTING TALLER?
- MAYBE.

- YOU'RE GETTING TALLER.
- HOW DID YOU KNOW?

OH, LITTLE ONE,
I HAVE DONE

ALL THAT YOU HAVE
DONE OR SHALL DO,

THOUGHT OF ALL
YOU'VE THOUGHT
OR SHALL THINK.

I AM ALL-KNOWING.

I AM MICHELLE.

- Roman: CAN I GO?
- YES.

( door closes )

GOT LEFTOVERS
AT MY PLACE,

- YOU HUNGRY?
- I CAN ALWAYS EAT.

I SWEAR HE'S
GETTING TALLER.

- MAYBE.
- HE'S DEFINITELY
NOT GETTING SHORTER.

( switch clicks )

( theme music playing )

( piano playing )

NOT BAD.

LADIES, USE YOUR CENTER.

PARTNERING IS NOT
JUST ON THE GUYS,

IT'S 50-50.

- VERY MEDIOCRE.
- ( exhales sharply )

ERIC, EDGAR,
YOU'RE LOSING STEAM.

GUYS, SWAN LAKE,
THREE HOURS LONG.

REMEMBER THAT.

GETTING WORSE.

GETTING WORSE.

OKAY. LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

COME ON!

OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

- ( music stops )
- NICE WORK, EVERYBODY.

NICE WORK.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

APOLOGIES
TO THE GUYS.

GUYS? WHAT, YOU'RE
NOT EVEN TALKING TO ME?

IS THIS IT?
IS OUR RELATIONSHIP OVER?

( cellphone ringing )

- TALIA, HEY.
- OPEN THE E-MAIL
I JUST SENT YOU.

That's a fine
how do you do.

JUST OPEN IT NOW.
IT'S TOP PRIORITY

AND TIME SENSITIVE.

ALL RIGHT.
HOLD YOUR HORSES, CLAIRE DANES.

WHAT AM I LOOKING AT?

OUR FRIEND, MARION.

OH, SO IT'S A PHOTO.
IT'S FUZZY.

It's the best photo
we had of him.

- IT'S A HIM?
- OF COURSE IT'S A HIM.

His name's Marion?

JOHN WAYNE'S GIVEN NAME
WAS MARION,

AT LEAST ACCORDING
TO MARION.

- IT'S A VERY FUZZY PHOTO.
- IT'S NOT THE BEST,

- I'll grant you that.
- IS MARION BEING ATTACKED
BY A GIANT MOTH?

- THAT'S HIS BEARD.
- HIS BEARD HAS WINGS?

- Michelle!
- WHY AM I LOOKING AT THIS?

'CAUSE YOU'RE
GOING OUT WITH HIM.

- TALIA, NO.
- Yes.

HE'S GOING TO BE
IN THE PARADISE AREA

AND I TOLD HIM
ALL ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW I DON'T
DO BLIND DATES.

It's not blind.
You've got a picture.

OF A WOMAN WITH A MOTH
EATING HER FACE.

HE'S ACTUALLY
A VERY ATTRACTIVE

REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER.

And where do you
know Marion from?

HE'S A FRIEND OF RICK'S.

YOUR BOYFRIEND RICK?
RICK IS IN HIS 60s.

- HOW OLD IS MARION?
- RICK SAID HE'S WAY
YOUNGER THAN HIM.

HAVE YOU SEEN MARION
IN PERSON?

I'm trusting
my Ricky on this.

NOTHING ABOUT THIS
SMELLS GOOD.

GIVE IT A SHOT.
WHAT CAN IT HURT?

- DOES HE HAVE TEETH?
- RICK'S FRIENDS HAVE TEETH.

Maybe not the ones
they were born with.

MARION.

( groans )
I'M SO RIDICULOUSLY STRESSED.

SHH! TRYING TO READ
A BOOK HERE.

WHY ARE YOU
STARING AT ME?

JUST DRINKING IN
THE PICTURE.

AND SWEATY.
LOOK HOW SWEATY I AM.

I'M PRACTICALLY
DRIPPING.

I MEAN IT.
SUPER TRYING TO FOCUS.

SHOOT. IS GEORGE WILSON
MYRTLE'S HUSBAND OR BROTHER?

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
ARRIVE TONIGHT.

CARL?

I HAD HIS HOMECOMING
PERFECTLY TIMED OUT.

THEN HE WENT WAY
OUT OF HIS WAY

TO CATCH
AN EARLY TRAIN

BECAUSE HE WANTED
TO GET HOME TO ME

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

BOO, THAT'S SWEET.

CARL WAS AWAY
AT CAMP ALL SUMMER

AND HE MISSED YOU.

( camera clicks )

THAT'S INSULTING.

WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO
GET ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY?

COMING HOME EARLY
TOTALLY MESSED UP

ALL OF MY
PERFECT PLANNING.

I WAS GONNA GET
A MANICURE.

I WAS GONNA HAVE
ONE OF THOSE BATHS

WITH THE SCENTED
BATH BOMB.

AND I WAS GONNA
GET MY HAIR DONE,

AND I WAS GONNA--

- NEVER MIND.
- YOU WERE GONNA WHAT?

I DON'T WANT TO SAY.

IS IT SOME SORT OF
DOWN-THERE GROOMING?

MATISSE!

SHUT UP. YOU DO NOT KNOW
ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.

WELL, CLEARLY I DO.

Melanie:
BROTHER-- GEORGE IS
THE BROTHER.

I KNEW THAT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TO WEAR.

I BROUGHT
A COUPLE OF OPTIONS.

I NEED YOUR OPINION.

THIS ONE'S CUTE
BUT SUMMERY,

THIS ONE'S
A LITTLE SEXIER.

NATALIE PORTMAN'S
MY ROLE MODEL.

WHICH ONE WOULD
NATALIE WEAR?

- I LIKE THE FIRST ONE.
- SO DO I.

AND I THINK
NATALIE WOULD TOO.

SUMMERY IT IS.

MELANIE!

- ARE YOU WELL?
- YES.

SHE FELL BEHIND IN HER
SUMMER READING LIST FOR SCHOOL.

AND THE BOOKS
AREN'T HELPING.

I'M HALFWAY THROUGH
THIS THING

AND THE STUPID WHALE
HASN'T EVEN SHOWN UP YET.

THERE'S NO WHALE
IN "THE GREAT GATSBY."

ARE YOU JOKING?

WHERE THE HELL
IS THIS STINKER GOING

IF THERE'S NO WHALE?

MANY'S A NIGHT
F. SCOTT PONDERED

THAT VERY SAME QUESTION.

( chuckles )

OH, SHOOT.

I LEFT THE BAG WITH
ALL MY MAKEUP DOWNSTAIRS.

I'LL JUST GET
CHANGED AT HOME.

WAIT, BOO.

WHAT WERE YOU
TALKING ABOUT BEFORE

WITH MATISSE?

SHAVING ABOVE
MY KNEES.

OH, BOO.

LATER.

- SURPRISE!
- CARL!

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I GOT LUCKY AND CAUGHT
THE SUPER EARLY TRAIN.

ACTUALLY GOT UP
BEFORE REVEILLE.

- COME HERE.
- NO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M GROSS.
- PUT THOSE DOWN.

- NO.
- I WANT TO HUG YOU.

- NO.
- BOO, STOP.
COME ON.

CARL, I JUST
FINISHED CLASS

AND I CAME STRAIGHT HERE
FROM THE OYSTER BAR.

I WAS MANNING
THE VATS.

- I DON'T CARE.
- I SMELL LIKE ZUCCHINI STICKS.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

IT'S NOT FAIR
TO LIE ABOUT A TRAIN.

WAIT WAIT.
HOLD ON HERE.

IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE.
SOMETHING YOU'RE
NOT TELLING ME?

I SWITCHED DEODORANTS.

I'M VERY UNSURE ABOUT
THIS NEW DEODORANT.

NO, BOO.
WE WERE APART
FOR SIX WEEKS.

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU NEED TO SAY TO ME?

- LIKE WHAT?
- YOU KNOW WHAT.

LOOK, I HAVE NOTHING
TO CONFESS TO.

I WAS GOOD.
NOT THAT CAMP WANNAPAMOTHPA

IS A HOT BED
OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY,

BUT THE GIRLS' CAMP
IS JUST A QUICK SWIM
ACROSS THAT LAKE.

AND GUYS WERE SWIMMING
ACROSS THAT LAKE AT NIGHT.

IT'S NOT SAFE.
BUT I NEVER DID.

SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

NO, NOTHING.

BOO.

I SAW "MAGIC MIKE"
TWICE.

THAT'S IT? REALLY?

ALL THIS IS
BECAUSE YOU SMELL?

YES?

GREAT. AND I
TOTALLY GET IT.

CHANNING TATUM
IS A FINE ACTOR.

KISS ME QUICK
THEN STEP AWAY.

COOL.

WAIT, DON'T BREATHE IN.

THERE WILL BE
BETTER KISSING

AFTER THE BATH BOMB.

EXCELLENT.

OH, AND HEY,
THURSDAY NIGHT'S
STILL GOOD, RIGHT?

MY MOM NEEDS
TO KNOW.

YOUR MOM? FOR WHAT?

FOR DINNER.
YOU'RE MEETING THE PARENTS.

DID WE MAKE
THAT PLAN?

BEFORE I LEFT.
IT'S THE PERFECT TIME--

BEFORE SCHOOL
GETS TOO CRAZY.

AND I WAS GONNA
MEET YOUR PARENTS.

IS NONE OF THIS
RINGING A BELL?

NO NO NO.
IT'S RINGING A BELL.

MY MOTHER'S BEEN TALKING
ABOUT THIS FOR WEEKS,

SO ARE WE ON?

SURE.

GOOD. IT'LL BE FUN.

AND TAKE THIS WITH YOU.

WHILE EVERYONE ELSE
WAS SWIMMING AND FORNICATING,

I CARVED THIS FOR YOU
BECAUSE YOU LIKE

"THE HUNGER GAMES"
SO MUCH.

IT'S CRUDE, BUT IT'LL
DO SOME DAMAGE.

THANKS.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK.

ME TOO.

I'LL SEE YOU
WHEN I'M CLEAN.

Boo: BYE.

Truly: HELP!
MICHELLE, HELP.

TRULY? TRULY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,

SELLING THINGS
DOOR TO DOOR?

IT'S A LONG STORY.
CAN I COME IN, PLEASE?

YEAH YEAH YEAH.
IT'S OPEN.

DID YOU JUST SEE
KATNISS RUN BY?

OH, WITH A BOW AND ARROW?
YEAH.

WILL YOU GRAB
THAT, PLEASE?

- WHAT A NIGHTMARE.
- DID YOU NOT THINK
IT'S STRANGE

THAT KATNISS RAN BY?

NO. THIS IS
A NIGHTMARE.

TRULY, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?

WELL, I WENT TO TAKE
ALL THIS TO THE SHOP.

IT'S MY NEW
FALL LINE.

AND YOU'RE LIKING
THE POLKA DOTS THIS YEAR.

VERY MUCH.
AND I WENT TO PUT

MY KEY IN THE DOOR,
AND IT DOESN'T FIT.

WHOA. THAT'S A RECURRING
DREAM I HAVE.

THAT I GO UP
TO MY PLACE,

BUT IT'S ONLY
SORTA KINDA MY PLACE,

ALL MY STUFF'S THERE
BUT IT'S GOT 80-FOOT CEILINGS

AND WEIRD WALLPAPER,

AND I GO TO PUT
MY KEY IN THE LOCK,

ONLY IT'S TOTALLY
THE WRONG SHAPE.

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT MY STORY OR NOT?

- YES, GO ON.
- IT'S MY STUPID LANDLADY.

- SHE LOCKED ME OUT.
- WHAT? WHY?

NO REASON EXCEPT
THAT SHE HATES ME.

BUT SHE CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU HAVE A LEASE.

YES-SSS.

TRULY, DO YOU
HAVE A LEASE?

NO.

SO YOU'RE PAYING HER
MONTH-TO-MONTH?

YEP.

I MEAN,
WHEN I WAS PAYING HER.

YOU HAVEN'T
BEEN PAYING HER?

THIS IS NOT
THE TIME FOR JUDGING,

THIS IS THE TIME
FOR HUGS.

- FACTS FIRST, HUGS LATER.
- I HAD A LEASE,

FOR FIVE FULL YEARS,

AND THEN SHE SENT ME
THE NEW LEASE

AND SHE HAD RAISED
THE RENT SO MUCH

I GOT MAD AND I THREW IT
INTO THE FIRE.

YOU WERE READING IT
NEXT TO A FIRE?

NO, I LIT A FIRE AND
I THREW THE LEASE IN.

WOW, YOU REALLY WANTED
TO BURN THAT THING.

VERY VERY MUCH.
I KNOW I DON'T
HAVE A FIREPLACE,

SO I HAD TO FIND
AN IRISH PUB.

AND THEN I HAD
TO BUY A PINT,

'CAUSE IT'S RUDE NOT TO
AFTER YOU USE THEIR FIREPLACE

TO BURN YOUR LEASE--
AND IT'S SEXUAL BY THE WAY.

- WHAT IS?
- YOUR DREAM ABOUT THE KEY.

- BLATANTLY.
- LOOK, TRULY,

FOCUS FOR ME HERE.

YOUR BEHIND
ON YOUR RENT,

YOU DON'T HAVE
A LEASE,

- THIS IS NOT GOOD.
- I KNOW.

IT'S VERY BAD.

I TRIED TO TALK TO
MY LANDLADY ABOUT IT,

BUT SHE'S NOT ANSWERING
MY PHONE CALLS

AND I CAN'T GET
AN APPOINTMENT
UNTIL MARCH.

SO YOU WANT TO LEAVE
YOUR STUFF HERE FOR
AWHILE?

CAN I?

I JUST NEED SOMETIME
TO THINK AND REGROUP

AND FIGURE OUT HOW I'M
GOING TO COME UP WITH

AN EXTRA $1200 A MONTH.

ABSOLUTELY.

I HAVE A LITTLE ROOM
IN MY ARMOIRE.

WE'LL HANG THEM UP NICE,
AND WE'LL FIGURE THIS OUT.

- THANKS.
- THIS IS REALLY CUTE.

I LOVE THE COLOR.
HOW MUCH IS THIS?

$1200 A MONTH?

LET ME THINK
ABOUT IT.

- ( bell rings )
- Boo: ALL THE FRESHMEN
LOOK SO YOUNG.

WERE WE EVER
THAT YOUNG?

LOOKS LIKE A PARTICULARLY
STUPID CROP THIS YEAR TOO.

IT'S THAT DEER IN
THE HEADLIGHTS THING.

- IT'S UNATTRACTIVE.
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
LISTENING TO?

- HEY DON'T.
- SHE GOT THROUGH "GATSBY,"

AND NOW SHE'S LISTENING
TO THE AUDIO BOOK OF
"THE SCARLET LETTER"

WHILE SHE READS
"FAHRENHEIT 451."

YEAH, "FAHRENHEIT 451,"
THE BOOK BURNING THING.

RAY BRADBURY WAS
ONTO SOMETHING THERE.

♪ SING A SONG
FOR THE WORLD TODAY ♪

♪ I FEEL GOOD
IN A BRAND NEW WAY... ♪

- WHAT ARE THEY?
- NEWBIES.

BUT NOT FRESHMEN.

EVERYBODY'S
STARING AT THEM.

♪ FEEL LUCKY LIKE
I SAID I WOULD... ♪

WOW. SHE SHOOK HER HAIR
JUST LIKE IN A SHAMPOO
COMMERCIAL.

♪ SMILING IN
THE NEIGHBORHOOD... ♪

WHAT'S WITH
THE FLOWERS?

♪ OH OH OH
OH OH OH ♪

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH ♪

♪ OH OH OH
OH OH OH... ♪

THEY DIDN'T EVEN
BRING PEE-CHEES.

♪ I FEEL SUPER GOOD. ♪

( rapping on door )

TRULY?

SORRY, I COULDN'T
WAIT ANY LONGER.

YOU SLEEP SO LATE.

WELL, I'M GENERALLY
UP LATE.

WAIT, YOU DON'T HAVE
A MORNING SHOW?

- A WHAT?
- A MORNING SHOW.

I USED TO WATCH
MATT AND KATIE

AND AL AND ANNE,
AND THEN

MATT AND MEREDITH
AND AL AND ANNE,

AND THEN MATT AND ANNE
AND AL AND NATALIE,

AND THEN I TRIED
CHARLIE AND GALE
AND SETH AND NORA,

BUT WHEN I FOUND
GEORGE AND ROBIN
AND JOSH AND SAM,

I FELT LIKE
I WAS HOME.

WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, TRULY?

I HAVE A BIG FAVOR
TO ASK YOU.

I HAVE A VALUED CUSTOMER.
HER NAME IS JILL

AND EVERY YEAR I GIVE HER
A SPECIAL PRE-PEEK

AT MY FALL LINE.
AND IF THERE WAS ANY WAY

I COULD BRING HER BY,
IT WOULD BE SO GREAT.

YEAH, SURE.
BRING HER BY.

GREAT.
COME ON IN, JILL.

OH, SHE'S HERE
WITH YOU NOW. OKAY.

SO, HERE WE ARE, JILL.

IT'S A LITTLE UNUSUAL.

ECLECTIC AS WE SAY

WHAT WITH THE
UNMADE BED.

BUT YOU ARE THE FIRST
TO SEE THESE,

AND OF COURSE
I CAN TAILOR

ANYTHING
JUST FOR YOU.

TRULY, I AM LOVING
THE COLORS HERE.

THE COLORS
ARE GORGEOUS.

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
JUST A SECOND.

( whispering )
SHE'S NOT REALLY
INTO THE HARD SELL.

( whispering )
I WASN'T HARD
SELLING HER.

I THINK THE COLORS
ARE GORGEOUS.

THE COLORS WILL
SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

SO THE COLORS DO
THE HARD SELLING.

THIS IS MY BUSINESS.
PLEASE RESPECT IT.

OKAY.

SO, JILL.
I WILL LEAVE YOU
TO BROWSE IN PEACE.

AND JUST LET ME KNOW
IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU NEED.

I'D LOVE COFFEE
IF YOU HAVE SOME.

CREAM OR SUGAR, JILL?

BOTH, PLEASE.

SORRY.

SORRY.

SORRY.

( speaking French )

IT'S THE NEW
GIRL AGAIN.

SO SHE'S FRENCH.

SHE'S SPEAKING
FRENCH.

DOES THAT
MAKE HER FRENCH?

I SWEAR I SAW HER
SPEAKING JAPANESE

TO MR. YAMIMOTO
EARLIER TODAY.

SHE EVEN LOOKED
A LITTLE JAPANESE
WHEN SHE WAS DOING IT.

WEIRD.

VERY WEIRD.

( bell ringing )

( piano playing )

SHE CHANGED
HER CLOTHES.

- HER NAME'S COZETTE.
- INTERESTING.

AND HER BROTHER'S
NAME IS FRANKIE.

FRANNY AND ZOE.

NO, FRANKIE
AND COZETTE.

KEEP GOING, BOO.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A BRILLIANT VIOLINIST.

GINNY SAW HIM
PLAYING PIANO.

HE WASN'T WEARING
THAT TIE BEFORE.

OR THOSE PANTS.

( speaking Spanish )

AND SHE SPEAKS
SPANISH?

AND JAPANESE AND FRENCH.

AND HE PLAYS THE PIANO
AND THE VIOLIN.

I THINK I NEED
TO SIT FOR AWHILE

AND CLEAR MY HEAD.

THAT ONLY HAPPENS
IN THE MOVIES.

TODAY'S A GOOD DAY
TO ORDER THE FRIED CHICKEN.

WE CHANGE THE GREASE
THE FIRST OF THE MONTH.

OH, BUT I LIKE THE TASTE
OF OLD GREASE.

IT'S GOT WESSONALITY.

- SORRY.
- THIS'LL DO.

HEY, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
FOR ME, WILL YOU?

I'M NOT GONNA SAY
ANY MORE ABOUT IT,

JUST GIVE ME
YOUR THOUGHTS.

- WELL, IT'S A CAR.
- IT'S A HUMAN.

- THOSE AREN'T HEADLIGHTS?
- THOSE ARE EYEBALLS.

- SHE'S CUTE.
- IT'S A MAN.

IS SOMETHING
EATING HIS FACE?

THIS IS HAPPENING, YES.

WHO IS THIS?

IT'S A POTENTIAL
BLIND DATE.

A CLOSE FRIEND OF MINE IS
TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH HIM

AND SHE KNOWS ME,
SO HE MIGHT BE GREAT,

BUT I GET NERVOUS
AROUND NEW PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW?

- ABSOLUTELY.
- I EITHER CLAM UP
OR I TALK TOO MUCH.

THAT'S A TOUGH
BALANCING ACT.

BUT I'M NOT MEETING
ENOUGH PEOPLE.

I SHOULD PROBABLY
BE GOING OUT MORE,
RIGHT?

YOU KNOW,
TAKING MORE CHANCES.

I'M SOLICITING DATING ADVICE
FROM A 16-YEAR-OLD, AREN'T I?

I'M 17 NOW.

OH, WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

COULD I ASK YOU
FOR SOME ADVICE?

UH... I--

CARL WANTS ME TO
MEET HIS PARENTS.

YEAH, I DIDN'T
QUITE SAY YES.

- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
- WELL...

I'M FREAKING OUT
A LITTLE.

OKAY OKAY.
LET'S SEE.

MEETING THE PARENTS.

WELL, BOO,

MY FIRST PIECE OF ADVICE
WOULD BE "DON'T GO."

- I HAVE TO.
- OH.

WELL THEN, MY SECOND
PIECE OF ADVICE

- WOULD BE "DON'T GO."
- I HAVE TO.

OH, WELL THEN, MY THIRD,
FOURTH AND FIFTH PIECE
OF ADVICE WOULD BE--

I GOT IT, THANKS.
BUT I HAVE TO GO.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LET ME
JUST SAY THIS.

THE KEY TO GETTING ALONG
WITH CARL'S PARENTS...

- IS TO BE MYSELF.
- WHAT ARE YOU, HIGH? NO.

THE TRICK IS TO BE
WHOEVER IT IS YOU THINK
THEY WANT YOU TO BE.

- OH.
- AND TO SAY WHATEVER IT IS

YOU THINK THEY
WANT YOU TO SAY.

TRUST ME.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

- SO, DON'T BE MYSELF?
- RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD,
BECAUSE I REALLY
DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

WELL, THERE YOU GO.

OH, AND KEEP AN EYE
ON YOUR WATCH

BECAUSE I'M TELLING YOU,
90 MINUTES IN

TO THE SECOND,

EVENINGS LIKE THIS
GO SOUTH FAST.

HOW SO?

WELL, YOU COULD SLIP
AND TELL AN OFF-COLOR JOKE.

I DID THAT ONCE.

OR YOU COULD GET DRUNK

AND CALL YOUR BOYFRIEND'S DAD
A PICKLE-PUSS.

I DID THAT ONCE.
OR YOU COULD THINK IT'S FUNNY

TO MOVE THE DOG'S MOUTH AROUND
AND MAKE HIM SAY DIRTY THINGS.

I DID THAT ONCE.

YOU'RE NOT DRINKING,
SO THAT'LL HELP,

BUT AT THAT 90-MINUTE MARK
CUT IF OFF.

I DON'T
HAVE A WATCH.

OH.

IT'S GOT A TIMER.

USE IT.

THANKS.
I'VE GOTTA GET
BACK THERE.

HE'S ONLY GOT
ONE NOSE, RIGHT?

I HOPE.

HI.

- PASS THE STRING BEANS.
- WE'RE OUT OF STRING BEANS.

WE'RE OUT OF
STRING BEANS?

AND NOW IT BEGINS.

I KNEW WE WOULD
RUN OUT OF STRING BEANS.

EXCUSE ME,
KIND SIR?

IT'S A CRAMER
FAMILY TRADITION.

FIRST, WE NEVER
ORDER ENOUGH FOOD...

- THREE ORDERS
OF STRING BEANS.
- THREE?

( whispers )
...THEN ORDER TOO MUCH.

- Man: SWEETIE, WHY THREE?
- Sweetie: BECAUSE
THEY'RE SMALL.

- I DON'T WANT THE LEFTOVERS.
- THEY HEAT UP NICE.

- WHATEVER WE ORDER, WE EAT.
- CARL HAS A GUEST.

NO DOGGIE BAGS.
IF I SEE ONE OF THOSE
TIN FOIL ANIMALS,

IT GOES STRAIGHT
IN THE TRASH.

BOO, YOU'LL EAT
MORE FOOD, RIGHT?

UH, YES, MRS. CRAMER.

CALL ME SWEETIE.
EVERYONE CALLS ME SWEETIE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
CALL HER ANYTHING
IF YOU DON'T WANT.

ONE ORANGE CHICKEN,

HAPPY FAMILY
IN A BIRD'S NEST.

FIND A HAPPY FAMILY
TO EAT IT, WILL YOU?

SCALLION PANCAKES.

DO YOU LIKE PORK,
HONEY?

YES.

OH, 'CAUSE I DO NOT.

NEITHER DO I.

WELL, WHICH IS IT?
YOU LIKE PORK
OR YOU DON'T?

WELL, I USED
TO LIKE IT,

BUT JUST NOW
WHEN I SAID I DID,

I WAS REMEMBERING
THE TIME THAT I DID...

LIKE IT,
BUT I DON'T ANYMORE.

UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE
WANTS SOME AND THEN I--

JUST ORDER THE PORK, MOM.

THIS IS WHY
THE WHOLE WORLD HATES US.

NOBODY HATES US.

MU SHU PORK.

- AND THAT'LL DO US?
- THAT'LL DO US.

OH, THAT'LL DO US.
AND THEM.

AND THOSE PEOPLE
OVER THERE,

AND THE WAITERS IN THE BACK
AND THEIR FAMILIES.

- AND FOUR BLOCKS IN SOLVANG--
- Sweetie: JUST IGNORE HIM.

HE'S HAVING A STROKE.
THANK YOU.

SO, BOO.

WHAT DO YOU GOT
GOING ON HERE?

- WHAT IS THIS?
- MY FACE?

- ARE YOU JEWISH?
- I COULD BE.

SHE'S NOT JEWISH, MOM.

BUT WHAT IS
GOING ON THERE?

I'M SEEING A LOT
OF EASTERN EUROPE?

MAYBE POLAND, HUNGARY?

DO YOU LIKE
EASTERN EUROPE?

DEPENDS ON THE ERA.

HEY, DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT THE FIRST

HIKING TRIP I DID IN MAINE?

THERE WAS A BUNCH OF US,
AND WE WERE JUST GETTING
TO THE PEAK OF FIRST RIDGE--

CARL, I HAVE HEARD
THE STORY OF YOU AND THE BEAR

AND THE RUNNING
DOWN THE HILL.

I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR
THE STORY OF YOU AND THE BEAR

AND THE RUNNING
DOWN THE HILL AGAIN.

NEITHER DOES YOUR
LITTLE GIRLFRIEND.

NOW I AM HERE
TO GET TO KNOW HER.

NOT YOU.
SO, BOO,

DOES YOUR FAMILY SKI?

UH... YES.

REALLY?

GOD, I HATE SKIERS.

I MEAN, NO.

OH, REALLY?
'CAUSE I WAS GONNA SAY

I HATE THEM BECAUSE
THEY GET TO SKI.

I WOULD LOVE TO SKI.

- I NEVER LEARNED HOW.
- OH, WELL, WE SKI.

AND WE LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT.
SKIING.

WELL THEN MAYBE
YOU COULD TEACH ME.

NO.

OKAY.

- WHAT DID YOU DO?
- WASHED MY HANDS.

- YOU CANCELED THE STRING BEANS.
- I DON'T WANT LEFTOVERS.

BOO WANTED THOSE BEANS,
DIDN'T YOU, BOO?

YOU KNOW, MOM,
YOU PROBABLY
DON'T REMEMBER

BUT YOU'VE SEEN BOO
AT A COUPLE OF MY
DANCE RECITALS.

SHE WAS THE GIRL
MOPPING THE FLOOR
WITH THE REST OF US.

CARL RAVES ABOUT
YOUR DANCING.

I'M NOT THAT GOOD.

SHE'S GREAT.

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE
BALLERINA?

SHE LOVES A BUNCH OF THEM.

THE LIST IS LONG.

IS YOUR NAME BOO?

SO WHO DO YOU LIKE?
GELSEY KIRKLAND?

YES.

TERRIBLE COCAINE PROBLEM.

NO.

NO? SHE DIDN'T HAVE
A TERRIBLE COCAINE PROBLEM?

MAYBE.

SHE WROTE A BOOK--
A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT COCAINE,

ABOUT SNORTING COCAINE,
ABOUT QUITTING COCAINE.

MOM, PLEASE?

SHUSH. NOW COME ON, HONEY,
YOU'RE A BALLERINA,

SURELY YOU HAVE A FAVORITE.
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE?

- ( beeps )
- 90 MINUTES.

WHAT?

TIME FOR ME TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU SET AN ALARM
TO REMIND YOU TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM?

YOU OKAY?
YOU NEED TO GO HOME?

- LET ME TAKE YOU HOME.
- I'M FINE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON
SETS AN ALARM

TO REMIND HER
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?

MOM, CAN YOU BACK OFF?
YOU'RE MAKING HER NERVOUS.

OH PLEASE,
SHE SHOWED UP NERVOUS.

WELL, YOU'RE
NOT HELPING.

CARL, THIS GIRL,
SHE'S VERY NICE.

DON'T DO THIS.

SHE'S LIKE A LOAF
OF UNBAKED BREAD.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

THIS WOMAN HAS
NO OPINIONS.

- STOP.
- SHE SKIS, SHE DOESN'T SKI.

SHE'S FROM POLAND,
SHE'S NOT FROM POLAND.

SHE NEVER SAID
SHE WAS FROM POLAND

AND YOU DON'T
KNOW HER.

BUT YOU BETTER
GET TO KNOW HER

BECAUSE SHE'S
THE ONE I LIKE.

MORE THAN LIKE.
I COULD MARRY THIS GIRL.

GET A GOOD JOB.
SHE EATS A LOT OF BEANS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
MARRY THIS GIRL?

YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON IN THERE?

I'M NOT TALKING
TO MYSELF, DUDE.

ANY IDEA WHAT'S
GOING ON IN MY HOUSE?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

OKAY, AND SASHA'S
NOT HERE, SO SCRAM.

YEP.

- ( piano playing )
- JUST A 24-HOUR TURNAROUND
ON ALL ALTERATIONS, LADIES.

YOU ARE RUNNING DANGEROUSLY
LOW THERE, JILL.

OH, WELL,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

- DO I?
- TRULY.

SUCH A CHARMING SPACE.

IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS,

BUT IT'S REALLY
GETTING THERE.

SUE, THAT BLOUSE
IS SO YOU,

I DON'T WANT IT
ON ANYBODY ELSE.

- TRULY!
- WOULD YOU LADIES EXCUSE ME

FOR JUST A MOMENT.

DON'T I AT LEAST GET
A GLASS OF WINE?

WINE IS FOR CUSTOMERS.

SO, DID I
KNOW ABOUT THIS?

ABOUT MY FALL OPEN HOUSE?
I MEANT TO GIVE YOU A FLYER.

HERE. ON THE BACK
IS INFORMATION ABOUT

A WINTER HOT CHOCOLATE PARTY
I'M HOSTING IN DECEMBER.

BRING THE KIDS,
'CAUSE THERE'S CAROLING.

TRULY, THIS IS
NOT YOUR SHOP.

LUCY, I HAVE AN
AUDREY HEPBURN HAT

THAT WOULD LOOK
SIN CITY-SATIONAL
WITH THAT SKIRT.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO
TALK TO YOUR LANDLORD?

MMM, NEVER.

NEVER? BUT,
TRULY, THIS THING
WE GOT GOING HERE,

IT'S GOTTA END SOON.

OH, GREAT, I WENT FROM
ONE MEAN LANDLORD TO ANOTHER?

I'M NOT YOUR LANDLORD.

- TRULY.
- AAH.

HOW'S THAT SIZE
WORKING FOR YOU,
NANCY?

- IT'S TOO BIG.
- TOO BIG?

NANCY, SKINNY GIRL,
YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY A SIX.

- NO.
- YES.

- NO.
- YES.

- NO!
- YES! NANCY, YOU'RE A SIX!

ACCEPT IT!

I WILL GET YOU THAT
SIX TOMORROW, NANCY.

- SHE'S A SIX.
- TRULY.

I MEAN IT HERE.

OKAY.

OKAY, I KNOW I NEED
TO TALK TO HER,

BUT SHE'S JUST
SO INTIMIDATING,

AND I HATE THAT
SCARY OFFICE OF HERS.

AND IF I HAVE TO LOOK AT
THAT STUPID PICTURE OF HER

PLAYING GOLF WITH
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
ONE MORE TIME...

WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU MEET HER
ON NEUTRAL TERRITORY?

LIKE THE OYSTER BAR?

- MAYBE.
- AND I'LL GO WITH YOU

FOR MORAL SUPPORT.
HOW ABOUT THAT?

- REALLY?
- ANYTHING TO GET
MY PLACE BACK.

I'M NOT SURE IF
THIS IS APPROPRIATE,

BUT HOW MUCH
FOR THIS?

I'M SORRY,
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE.

I'LL TAKE 50 BUCKS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, BOO?

YOU SEEM PENSIVE.

CARL IS GOING
TO ASK ME TO
MARRY HIM.

WHAT?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

I HEARD HIM TALKING
TO HIS MOM

WHEN I MET
THE PARENTS
LAST NIGHT.

HOLY CRAP.
THIS IS BIG.

HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO
WEAR LIFTS AT THE WEDDING

OR ELSE THE KISS
WILL LOOK STUPID.

SO YOU'VE HAD
SEX WITH HIM?

NO, SASHA!

IF I HAD,
I'D HAVE TOLD YOU.

WHY IN THE WORLD
WOULD YOU TELL ME?

ARE YOU FORGETTING
THE PACT?

THE EIGHTH GRADE PACT?

WE ALL VOWED
TO CALL EACH OTHER

AFTER IT HAPPENED.

YOU VOWED TO CALL US
WHILE IT HAPPENED.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME.

BOO, WHATEVER
THAT PACT WAS,

IT WAS TWO AND A HALF
YEARS AGO.

WE WERE BABIES.

I WAS STILL TALLER
THAN MELANIE.

I THOUGHT
IT WAS NICE,

MADE IT LESS
OF A SCARY THING.

IT WAS NICE, BOO.

WE'LL TELL EACH OTHER,
I PROMISE.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

Boo: WHAT IS SHE CARRYING?

I THINK IT'S
A PICNIC BASKET.

SHE RODE UP TO SCHOOL
IN A SCOOTER.

WHERE DID SHE GET
THE PICNIC BASKET?

AND SHE'S WEARING
A SUEDE DRESS.

SHE WAS NOT WEARING
THAT THIS MORNING.

OR THIS AFTERNOON
WHEN SHE CHANGED.

IT'S HER THIRD
OUTFIT.

( sighs )
BEAUTIFUL SPREAD.

THAT'S WINE.

I MEAN, IS THAT LEGAL?

ISN'T SHE 16?

Sasha: MITCH ALVARADO.

Melanie: HE GAVE HER
A PECK ON THE CHEEK.

HOW IN THE WORLD DOES
SHE ALREADY KNOW
MITCH ALVARADO?

I'VE BEEN GOING TO SCHOOL
WITH MITCH ALVARADO
SINCE KINDERGARTEN.

I STILL HAVEN'T
MET MITCH ALVARADO.

THIS IS SO URBAN
AND SOPHISTICATED.

I'M GONNA PUKE.

GINNY, WE NEED INFORMATION.
GO GRILL THE BROTHER.

- ME? WHY ME?
- BECAUSE WE VOTED
AND YOU WON.

- YOU DIDN'T VOTE.
- WHO WANTS GINNY TO GO
TALK TO THE BROTHER?

( sighs )
ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, VIRGINIA.

HOW DID YOU
KNOW MY NAME?

HOW DID YOU
KNOW MINE?

HOW DO YOU KNOW
I KNOW YOUR NAME?

I DIDN'T.
I DO NOW.

SO, YOU AND YOUR SISTER.
NEW KIDS IN TOWN, HUH?

'CAUSE WE NOTICE
WHEN NEW PEOPLE
MOVE IN.

WE'RE PERPETUALLY
BORED, SO...

- THIS IS GOING
IN THE GARBAGE.
- WHAT IS?

THIS.

I CAN'T QUITE SEE--

BUT YOU WOULD IF
I LET IT SURVIVE.

IS THAT BAD,
SEEING A PICTURE?

ISN'T THAT THE POINT?

SO WHERE ARE
YOU GUYS FROM?

WE'RE NOMADS.
WE'RE JUST IN FROM BAVARIA.

BAVARIA, REALLY?

THAT'S WHERE
MAD LUDWIG'S CASTLE IS.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO SEE THAT.

THE WAY HE SAW IT,
OR THE WAY IT IS?

UH...

YOU'LL SEE SOON.

THAT'S ME.
THAT'S US.

IT'S WARMER TODAY
THAN I THOUGHT.

WHY DOESN'T MY PAELLA
LOOK LIKE THE PAELLA
IN THE BOOK?

YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST
KEPT IT SIMPLE.

IT'S JUST RICE, ONIONS,
GARLIC, SAUSAGE, SHRIMP,

CHICKEN, MUSCLES,
AND SAFFRON STOCK.

WHAT'S SIMPLER THAN THAT?

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO
BE ON BED REST.

I'M ON STOOL REST.
JUST AS GOOD.

PLUS WE HAVE
A SPECIAL GUEST.

I'M NOT
A SPECIAL GUEST.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
THIS IS HISTORIC.

BOO HAS NEVER
BROUGHT A BOY HOME

EXCEPT WHEN SHE WAS SIX
AND SHE BROUGHT HOME

LITTLE MAXIE RUCKER.

WITHOUT INFORMING
MAXIE'S PARENTS.

AND THEY ARRESTED
RUSTY AND ME

BECAUSE WE WERE
RESPONSIBLE FOR
BOO'S ACTIONS

OR SOMETHING.

IT WAS HYSTERICAL.

YOU KIDNAPPED A KID?

HEY, HOW ABOUT WE NOT
BRING UP ANECDOTES

FROM MY CHILDHOOD
TONIGHT, OKAY?

THE PAELLA IN THE BOOK
IS BROWN.

WHY IS MINE GREEN?

PLEASE,
LET'S JUST ORDER PIZZAS.

NO, THAT'S SURRENDERING.
NEVER SURRENDER!

Boys:
NEVER SURRENDER!
NEVER SURRENDER!

( yelling )

I DIDN'T KNOW BEEZ
WOULD HAVE HIS TWO
BOOBS WITH HIM TONIGHT.

WE HAD NO CHOICE.
WHEN IT'S MY TURN

TO WATCH
WINKLEBURN KIDS,

THEN IT'S MY TURN TO WATCH
THE WINKLEBURN KIDS.

DO YOU BOIL IT
INSIDE THE POUCH,

OR DO YOU OPEN THE POUCH
AND DUMP IT IN?

I THINK YOU KEEP IT
IN THE POUCH

AND DROP IT IN
THE BOILING WATER.

THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.

RUSTY,
YOU'RE WATCHING TV.

- I'M NOT WATCHING TV.
- THEN TURN IT OFF.

- THE KIDS WILL START CRYING.
- YOU'LL START CRYING.

MOM, LET'S GET
THIS DINNER MOVING.

WE ARE LOSING
MOMENTUM.

OH, I'LL PUT
BARBEQUE SAUCE ON IT.

THAT'LL
MAKE IT BROWN.

- YES.
- I LOVE BARBEQUE SAUCE.

YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S
NOT GONNA BE ENOUGH,

I CAN JUST EAT DOWN
AT THE FIREHOUSE.

CHICKEN PARM NIGHT.
IT'S A GOOD NIGHT.

DAD, WE ARE HAVING
DINNER WITH CARL.

WELL, CARL CAN
COME WITH ME.

I LIKE CARL.

IT'S BARBEQUED PAELLA
I'M NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT.

( crashing )

DID--

DID ANYONE ELSE
HEAR THAT?

THAT WAS JUST
BOO'S BROTHER.

AND THE WINKLEBURNS.
THEY GET INTO IT.

THEY SURE DO.

THERE. BROWN PAELLA.
DISH THAT UP.

I'M GONNA PEE.

( country music playing )

♪ I LIVE OUT WEST ♪

♪ WHERE LIFE IS BEST ♪

♪ AND THE CREATURES
STILL RUN WILD ♪

♪ WHERE STETSON HATS
AND SHOTGUN CHAPS ♪

♪ AND SPURS ARE
STILL IN STYLE... ♪

( mouths )

♪ DON'T EARN MUCH PAY
BUT THAT'S OKAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M HAPPY
WITH WHO I AM ♪

♪ I'M A ROOTIN' TOOTIN',
SIX-GUN SHOOTIN' ♪

♪ YODELING COWHAND. ♪

( yodeling )

- OH.
- ( music stops )

SO EXCITING.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
IT'S GONNA END.

WHOO.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST WHIPPED UP

THIS DESSERT, CARL.
WHAT'S IT CALLED AGAIN?

BANANAS FOSTER.

IT'S JUST BANANAS,
BROWN SUGAR, BUTTER,

AND VANILLA ICE CREAM.
IT'S NOTHING.

NOTHING! I'VE GOT RACHEL RAY
MAKING ME DESSERT HERE,

AND HE SAYS
IT'S NOTHING.

RACHEL RAY
IS A GIRL.

PROOF. I WANT PROOF!
( laughs )

HEY, MOM,
WHERE'S DAD?

HE WENT TO THE BATHROOM
20 MINUTES AGO.

I SHOULD PROBABLY
CHECK ON HIM.

SOMETIMES HE'S SO TIRED
HE PULLS AN ELVIS

AND FALLS ASLEEP
ON THE THRONE.

LET'S HOPE HE'S NOT
PULLING A FULL ELVIS.

LET'S HELP YOUR
MOTHER CLEAN UP.

YOU'RE A SAINT.

( scoffs )

THE BANANA FOSTER
WAS REALLY GOOD.

I HOPE SO.

I DIDN'T USE
QUITE AS MUCH BUTTER

AS I'D LIKE.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

A GOOD IDEA TO CUT OFF
THE PART OF THE CUBE

THAT HAD TEETH
MARKS ON IT.

YEAH.

I CAN SHOW YOUR MOM
HOW TO MAKE IT.

YOUR DAD WAS
REALLY INTO IT.

EVEN BEEZ SEEMED TO--

OKAY, I'LL MARRY YOU.

- WHAT?
- LET'S DO IT.

LET'S GET MARRIED.

THE SOONER THE BETTER.

MARRIED?

I JUST NEED TO FINISH
HIGH SCHOOL FIRST, OKAY?

AND YOU SHOULD TOO.

THEN WE'LL GET MARRIED
AND GO TO COLLEGE.

PEOPLE HAVE DONE THAT.

THERE'S SPECIAL HOUSING
FOR MARRIED COUPLES.

I THINK I SAW THAT
SOMEWHERE IN A MOVIE ONCE.

"LOVE STORY."
"PORKY'S."

- BOO.
- AND WHO KNOWS,

AFTER I LOSE
THOSE LAST FEW POUNDS

AND GET A LITTLE
MORE TRAINING,

I CAN MAKE IT INTO
A GOOD DANCE COMPANY,

MAYBE NEW YORK.

WE'LL LIVE IN NEW YORK.

THAT'S WHERE
YOU'LL GO TO SCHOOL.

THERE ARE SOME GREAT
SCHOOLS IN NEW YORK.

OR WE COULD JUST BE ENGAGED
AND LIVE IN NEW YORK

WHILE I'M DANCING
AND YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE,

BUT THAT PUTS ME IN THE
WHY-BUY-THE-COW-

WHEN-YOU-CAN-GET-
THE-MILK-FOR-FREE CATEGORY,

SO WE'RE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO BIT THE BULLET
AND GET MARRIED.

WHOA, WHOA, BOO--

I KNOW I'M JUST A LOAF
OF UNBAKED BREAD, CARL,

BUT I MAKE A GOOD WIFE.

AND A GOOD MOTHER
TO YOUR CHILDREN,

IF YOU WANT CHILDREN.
I'M TORN.

IF I GIVE BIRTH
TO THE WINKLEBURN KIDS,

I AM SENDING
THEM BACK.

BOO, LET ME
SAY SOMETHING.

OKAY, BUT HURRY
BECAUSE WE HAVE

A LOT OF
PLANNING TO DO.

WHERE IS THIS
COMING FROM?

I HEARD YOU TALKING
TO SWEETIE.

- OH, BOO--
- SAYING THAT I'M THE GIRL
YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY.

I WAS TOUCHED.

AND NAUSEOUS,

BUT MOSTLY TOUCHED.

BOO, LISTEN.
WHAT I SAID THAT NIGHT

ABOUT US GETTING MARRIED?

I DIDN'T MEAN IT
LITERALLY.

YOU DIDN'T?

MY MOTHER,
I LOVE HER,

BUT SHE YAPS

AND DOESN'T LISTEN.

THE ONLY WAY I CAN
GET HER TO HEAR ME

IS TO BE RIDICULOUSLY
DRAMATIC.

SO YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET MARRIED.

WELL, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY
DON'T YOU THINK?

WELL, YEAH.

NOT THAT I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE GREAT MARRIAGE
MATERIAL,

BUT I KIND OF

DON'T WANT TO MISS
MY LAST YEAR OF SUMMER CAMP.

IT COMES WITH
HOT DOG PRIVILEGES.

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

YEAH.

SO, I'M NOT JUST
A LOAF OF UNBAKED BREAD?

NAH, YOU'RE FULLY BAKED.

AND BY THE WAY,
YOU'RE DAD'S NOT
ON THE THRONE.

HE SNUCK DOWN
TO THE FIREHOUSE
FOR SOME CHICKEN PARM.

HE CONFIDED IN ME
MAN-TO-MAN.

IT WAS COOL.

HE'S EVEN BRINGING
ME ONE BACK.

( foot tapping )

TURN OFF YOUR MOTOR
THERE, SPEEDY.

MY LEG ALWAYS JIGGLES
WHEN I'M NERVOUS.

JUST TAKE
A DEEP BREATH.

MY NIECE ISN'T EVEN ALLOWED
TO SIT ON MY LAP ANYMORE.

NOT SINCE I CATAPULTED
HER INTO A WALL.

GOD, THAT'S HER.

HELLO, TRULY.

HELLO, MILLY.

THIS IS MY FRIEND,
MICHELLE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- OH.

IF I HAD KNOWN
YOU WERE BRINGING
A FRIEND,

- I'D HAVE BROUGHT LEONARD.
- WHO'S LEONARD?

LEONARD'S A GOOD
FRIEND OF MINE.

HE HAS A SAILBOAT,
AND SOMETIMES WE PLAY SQUASH.

HE'S GOING TO BE
SORRY HE MISSED THIS.

SO, SHALL WE PRETEND
WE'RE REALLY HERE
FOR A PLEASANT LUNCH

OR SAVE OURSELVES
THE CALORIES?

WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT THE LEASE.

SIGN IT AND
WE'RE GOOD TO GO.

YOU RAISED
THE RENT 40%.

IT REFLECTS
CURRENT MARKET COMPS.

IF I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT,
I'M SURE I WOULD DISAGREE
WITH IT.

MILLY, I THINK WHAT
TRULY IS WONDERING

IS DOES THE RENT INCREASE
NEED TO BE THAT STEEP?

WELL, MICHELLE,

NORMALLY I WOULD DEFER
TO LEONARD ON THIS,

BUT I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
THAT I'M DOING TRULY
A BIG FAVOR.

I'VE GOT A NATIONAL
LUBE AND TUNE COMPANY

BEGGING ME
FOR THAT SPACE,

AND THEY PAY MORE.

I CAN'T SAY WHICH
COMPANY IT IS,

BUT YOU HAVE BOTH
GOTTEN LUBED THERE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE IMPROVEMENTS

I'VE MADE
TO THE SPACE?

A GLITTERY TOILET SEAT
WITH BARRY GIBBS' FACE ON IT

DOES NOT CONSTITUTE
AN IMPROVEMENT.

BUT MAYBE WE COULD
FIND A MIDDLE GROUND HERE.

HUH? SOMETHING THAT
WE COULD ALL LIVE WITH?

WELL, IF BY "WE" YOU MEAN
YOU, ME, TRULY AND LEONARD,

WELL, OF COURSE I'D HAVE TO
CONSULT WITH LEONARD ON THIS,

BUT NO, THERE IS
NO MIDDLE GROUND.

IT'S THE MARKET RATE
OR NOTHING.

MILLY, I HAVE INVESTED
ALL OF MY MONEY INTO SPARKLES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE WILLING
TO DESTROY IT LIKE THIS.

YOUR MONEY? REALLY?

- DON'T START.
- YOU'RE GONNA PRETEND
IT'S NOT MOM'S MONEY?

SO I BORROWED
MONEY FROM MOM.

- SO WHAT?
- MOM?

SO SHE DIPPED
INTO HER 401K

TO BUY YOU
A BUNCH OF DRESSES.

SHE NEVER DID
ANYTHING FOR ME.

OH, YOU ARE
SO HER FAVORITE,

WITH YOUR FANCY
HOLIDAY PARTIES

AND YOUR PERFECT
LITTLE DAUGHTER.

SHE'S NOT PERFECT ANYMORE.

NOT SINCE YOU GAVE HER
THAT CONCUSSION.

HOLD ON A SECOND.
QUICK QUESTION--

- ARE YOU TWO SISTERS?
- YES.

UNFORTUNATELY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
MENTION THIS BEFORE?

IT WASN'T RELEVANT.

YOU'RE SISTERS.
IT'S RELEVANT.

IT'S BECAUSE
SHE HATES ME.

THAT'S WHY SHE
DIDN'T MENTION IT.

SHE HATES ME.

OKAY, TRULY, GO GET
A SODA OR SOMETHING.

LET ME TALK TO
MILLY FOR A SECOND.

REALLY, GO.

SO... SISTERS.

IT HAPPENS.

BUT IT'S ONLY HAPPENED
ONCE TO YOU, MILLY.

YOU HAVE ONE SWEET,
SPECIAL PERSON

YOU CAN CALL SISTER.

IS IT REALLY WORTH
A FEW LOUSY BUCKS

TO RUIN THAT?

WE HAVE TWO OTHER SISTERS.

ONE'S OKAY.
THE OTHER ONE'S AN ACTRESS.

BUT HOW CAN TRULY
NOT BE YOUR FAVORITE?

SHE'S GOT
SO MUCH SPUNK.

SPUNK IS WHAT GOT
MY ABBA CD'S TURNED INTO

A SUPER-CUTE PROM DRESS.

BUT MILLY,
YOU'RE A BUSINESSWOMAN.

YOUR FAMILY RELATIONSHIP
SHOULD NOT AFFECT YOUR BUSINESS.

SHOULD IT?

WELL, THERE'S MORE.

SHE...

SHE WHAT?

LOOK, TRULY DID SOMETHING
AWFUL TO ME ONCE.

BUT CONCUSSIONS HEAL,
DON'T THEY?

OH, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?
SHE STOLE MY BOYFRIEND.

OH, OUCH.

AND IT WAS A MAN
I CARED FOR VERY DEEPLY.

AND SHE KNEW THAT.

BUT DON'T YOU
THINK IT'S TIME

TO REMOVE ALL THAT
FROM THE EQUATION

AND JUST LET TRULY
STAY IN HER SHOP

THAT SHE LOVES SO MUCH.

FORGET THE PAST
AND MOVE ON?

BUT TRULY KNEW THAT IT WAS
LEADING TO SOMETHING
MORE SERIOUS.

AND SHE WENT AHEAD
AND SEDUCED HUBBELL
AWAY FROM ME ANYWAY.

AM I JUST SUPPOSED TO
FORGET ABOUT ALL THAT?

I'M SORRY, DID YOU
JUST SAY HUBBELL?

DO YOU KNOW
WHO I AM?

YOU'RE TRULY'S FRIEND.

I'M MICHELLE SIMMS.
I MARRIED HUBBELL.

YOU'RE THE MADAME?

SHOWGIRL.

SO...

DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

TRULY, MI AMIGO,
WE HAVE GOT OURSELVES
A GAME PLAN.

I GET MY SHOP BACK?

NO, YOU KEEP
USING MY PLACE

UNTIL WE FIGURE
SOMETHING ELSE OUT.

THAT'S OUR GAME PLAN?

THAT'S ALL WE GOT.
AND I'M GIVING YOUR NIECE

TWO YEARS
OF FREE TAP CLASS

ONCE SHE GETS THAT
PROTECTIVE HELMET OFF.

THAT WOMAN IS ROUGH.

HE'S A MARTIAL ARTS EXPERT
AND A MASTER MECHANIC.

AND SHE SPEAKS FRENCH,
AND SPANISH, AND JAPANESE,

AND LATIN, AND FARSI
AND URDU.

- COME ON.
- I HEARD IT FROM
A GOOD SOURCE.

FLUENT URDU.

THEY'RE DEFINITELY
THE MOST POPULAR
KIDS IN SCHOOL.

IN JUST TWO DAYS?
HOW?

NETWORKING.
MULTI-LINGUAL NETWORKING.

HEY, WATCH IT,
ROOKIE.

ALL THE GIRLS ARE
IN LOVE WITH HIM.

- REALLY?
- NOT ME.

AND ALL THE GUYS ARE
IN LOVE WITH HER.

SOME OF THE GIRLS TOO.
NOT ME.

OKAY. STOP.
ENOUGH ABOUT HER.

- I AGREE.
- LET'S GET INSIDE.
WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.

( music playing )

♪ Cuckoo, cuckoo ♪

♪ What do you do? ♪

♪ In April,
I open my bill ♪

♪ In May,
I sing night and day ♪

♪ In June,
I change my tune ♪

♪ In July,
far far I fly... ♪

ISN'T SHE
INCREDIBLE?

HER NAME'S COZETTE.

SHE'S REALLY GONNA
RAISE THE BAR FOR US.

( music continues )

♪ Cuckoo, cuckoo ♪

♪ Cuckoo,
cuckoo ♪

♪ Cuckoo, cuckoo ♪

♪ What do you do? ♪

♪ In April,
I open my bill ♪

♪ In May,
I sing night and day ♪

♪ In June,
I change my tune ♪

♪ In July,
far far I fly ♪

♪ In August, away... ♪

♪ I must ♪

♪ Cuckoo,
cuckoo ♪

♪ Cuckoo, cuckoo... ♪

( applause )

TRIPPY SONG, HUH?

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
LET'S GET THE BAR CENTERED

AND LET'S GET STARTED.

QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT, EVERYONE.

WE'RE STARTING
15 MINUTES LATER TOMORROW.

YOU CAN STILL COME,
STRETCH, RELAX...

( crickets chirping )

( clicking )

- ( beeps )
- ( door opens )

( sighs )

WE'VE GOT TO STOP
MEETING LIKE THIS.

OR TAKE IT TO
THE NEXT STEP.

MARRY, HAVE
A COUPLE OF KIDS.

WHO BEARS
THE CHILDREN?

HOW ABOUT WE ALTERNATE?

THAT'LL WORK.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD
A DATE TONIGHT.

I ENDED IT EARLY.

MARION WAS DEFINITELY
NOT MY TYPE.

YOU WENT OUT
WITH A CHICK?

IT WAS A GUY.

NOW FOR SOME REASON
I FEEL WEIRDLY COMPELLED

TO DEFEND HIM.

JOHN WAYNE'S
REAL NAME WAS MARION.

AND HE CHANGED IT
TO JOHN.

TRUE.

POOR MARION.

SO, LET ME GUESS--
YOU'RE HERE REHEARSING

THE TURN, TWIST,
SLIDE, KICK

YOU SAW BARYSHNIKOV
DO IN "WHITE NIGHTS"

AND YOU'RE NOT LEAVING
TILL YOU NAIL IT?

I WAS MEETING ROMAN.

- SASHA--
- RELAX.

- I JUST CANCELED IT.
- BUT WHY HERE?

WHY NOT YOUR HOUSE?

MY HOUSE IS
A DISASTER ZONE.

THERE'S NO WAY
I'M TALKING HIM THERE.

SO IT'S HERE?
IN A PLACE THAT

SMELLS LIKE
SWEATY TIGHTS,

BECAUSE THAT'LL REALLY
GET YOU IN THE MOOD.

IT'S NOTHING THAT
CALLS FOR MOOD.

WE JUST WANT A PLACE
TO TALK AND HANG

AND LISTEN TO MUSIC.

WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?

I'M WITH MY FRIENDS
AT SCHOOL.

OH, SASHA, YOU DON'T KNOW
THE FIRST THING ABOUT DATING.

AS SOON AS YOU MEET A BOY,
YOU DUMP YOUR FRIENDS.

THAT'S WHAT
BOYS ARE FOR.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

SO YOU DON'T NEED
THE TALK.

THE TALK?

THE TALK.

THE TALK.

NO...

BUT YOU CAN
GIVE IT ANYWAY.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR
YOUR VERSION.

WELL, IT'S A GOOD ONE.
YOU'LL NEVER USE

A PUBLIC
TOILET SEAT AGAIN.

( footsteps approach )

I TOLD HIM
TO ABORT.

MUST HAVE BEEN
TOO LATE.

IT'S NOT ROMAN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET
A HOLD OF YOU ALL DAY.

- WHAT'S UP?
- YOU DON'T ANSWER TEXTS,

PHONE CALLS, E-MAILS.

I'VE BEEN DRIVING AROUND.

I FINALLY SPOTTED
YOUR CAR OUT FRONT.

ALL THOSE "ROCKFORD FILES"
FINALLY PAID OFF.

ENOUGH MOUTH, SASHA.

YOU ARE TOUGH, KID.

FINE. I JUST THOUGHT
YOU'D WANT TO KNOW

HE'S LEAVING.

- WHO?
- YOUR DAD.

- AGAIN?
- NO, NOT AGAIN.

HE'S REALLY LEAVING.
IT'S OVER WITH US.

YOUR FATHER HAS
A SPECIAL SOMEONE

AND HE'S MOVING IN
WITH HIM.

I DID NOT THINK THIS
WAS GONNA BE MY LIFE.

ANYWAY,
HE'S MOVING OUT NOW.

- I'M GOING NEXT WEEK.
- GOING?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BACK TO L.A.
I MISS IT.

I MISS ENCINO.
SUE ME.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU HAVE A CHOICE,
SOPHIE.

YOU COULD EITHER
GO WITH YOUR DAD
TO SAN JOSE

OR YOU CAN
COME WITH ME.

JUST LET ME KNOW QUICK
SO I CAN MAKE PLANS.

WHAT ABOUT THE HOUSE?

OH, I'M DUMPING
THAT HOUSE.

I HATE THAT HOUSE.

SO THAT'S MY CHOICE?

TO MOVE AWAY?

- YES.
- NO!

- WHAT?
- I'M NOT GOING.

- I'M STAYING HERE.
- THAT IS NOT AN OPTION.

MY FRIENDS ARE HERE.
MY SCHOOL IS HERE.

MY BALLET IS HERE.

IF I'M GOING TO
GET INTO JOFFREY,

I CAN'T DISRUPT
MY TRAINING NOW.

FORGET IT.

YOU'RE 16, SASHA.

I'M NOT LEAVING.

I'M NOT LEAVING.