All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s31e10.web.x264-tbs[ettv]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:04,019 ("DECK THE HALLS" PLAYING) 2 00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,980 Ho, ho, ho! 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:13,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 4 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:16,640 D'oh! Ho, ho! 5 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:20,259 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 6 00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:23,300 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:25,479 - _ - (CAWS) 8 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,509 And now to order my Christmas gifts 9 00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:28,821 with plenty of time. 10 00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:30,573 _ 11 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,820 _ 12 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,508 (TIRES SCREECH) 13 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,409 Hmm. UPS tracking says my packages just arrived. 14 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:58,017 All I have to do is look down. 15 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,852 D'ah! 16 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,688 Who could've done this? Who? 17 00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:05,119 ♪ Ding-dong, merrily on high ♪ 18 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,817 ♪ In heaven the bells are ringing ♪ 19 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,320 ♪ Ding-dong, Bart is gonna die ♪ 20 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,406 ♪ His little neck I'm stringing. ♪ 21 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,249 (SINISTER LAUGHTER) 22 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:16,789 Hmm. Needs tinsel 23 00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:20,170 to reflect the horror in Bart's eyes. 24 00:01:21,850 --> 00:01:22,919 (DOORBELL RINGS) 25 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,169 Oh, a visitor. Coming. 26 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,039 Ahoy! 27 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,039 Are there any lonely lighthouse keepers abaft here? 28 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,385 (SIGHING): Oh, hello, Cassandra. 29 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:37,259 Surprise! I made you muffins. 30 00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:38,729 You want to know a secret? 31 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,767 I used two sticks of butter. 32 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,269 Do you have any deep dark secrets? 33 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,730 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,733 - _ - (GRUNTING) 35 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,860 (GROANING) 36 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,950 - _ - Merry Christmas, Father! 37 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,749 (CHUCKLES) Stay out of trouble. 38 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,290 (WIND GUSTING) 39 00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:06,709 Nope. No secrets. 40 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,796 So, have you ever thought about children? 41 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,599 Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me! 42 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,310 (KISSING) 43 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,399 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 44 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,969 my gimbals need a good whale oiling. 45 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,219 - Ta! - Oh, 46 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:23,768 you might get some other visitors. 47 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,849 I mentioned you in town today. 48 00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:27,879 You told people about me? 49 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,441 What did you tell them?! What?! 50 00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,919 That you had kind eyes, a beautiful voice, 51 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,362 and no wedding ring. 52 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:36,823 - There he is! - (GASPS) 53 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,339 I was a fool to let my guard down with a woman 54 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:42,070 who runs a seaward-aiming Fresnel lens! 55 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,789 From hell's heart I stab at thee! 56 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,979 Oh, my God. Just listen to that mellifluous baritone. 57 00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:50,469 He's perfect for the role. 58 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,359 Role? Role? 59 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,465 You're offering me an acting job? 60 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,052 Yes! It's to play Santa Claus at a small amusement park. 61 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:03,020 Oh, what the hell. It is the lead. I'm in! 62 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,228 Dinner is served. 63 00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,396 - _ - ("CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYING) 64 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,107 - _ - ♪ ♪ 65 00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:19,059 Hey, let's see what's on your tag. 66 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,959 "Cadaver-sniffing dog"?! 67 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,704 Ah, that's another job I didn't get. 68 00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,680 _ 69 00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:31,269 (TIRES SCREECH) 70 00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,360 It's gone. My porch repair kit is gone! 71 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,384 (BLOWING FORCEFULLY) 72 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,972 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 73 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,730 (ENGINE RUNNING) 74 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,780 D'oh! 75 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,239 (GRUNTING) A little help! 76 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,779 (CHUCKLING) 77 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:57,260 Another crafts project gone out of hand? 78 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,479 Yes. 79 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,999 If you're not tied up tomorrow, 80 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,699 I took the day off from work. 81 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,460 I was thinking we could watch an R-rated movie. 82 00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:09,791 Finally, the sexy story of Tony Roma's ribs. 83 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,029 But tomorrow I promised the kids I'd take them out of school. 84 00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:14,796 It can be our family day. 85 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:15,880 Yawn. 86 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,381 We'll go to Santa's Village. 87 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,639 Oh, I hate that place. It's so crowded at Christmas. 88 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,919 And the giant candy canes are not real. 89 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,555 But they are electrified! 90 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:27,310 Well, we're going and taking the kids. 91 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,395 Why couldn't that be me? 92 00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:34,982 - Homer! - Oh... 93 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,490 - _ - (HORNS HONKING) 94 00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:42,439 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 95 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,539 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 96 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:46,689 - ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Oh, God, I'm so sick of this. 97 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:49,099 - Thing just keeps going on and on. - ♪ Baby shark, Mommy shark ♪ 98 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,129 - ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - I don't want to hear a shark 99 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:53,160 - or "baby" or "doo" ever again. - ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 100 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,019 - ♪ Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Marge, you traitor! 101 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,479 - It's so catchy. - ♪ Mommy shark ♪ 102 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,259 - ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ - Oh, what the hell. 103 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,499 ALL: ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 104 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,699 ♪ Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 105 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,740 ♪ Daddy shark. ♪ 106 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,722 Play this at my funeral! 107 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,740 _ 108 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,359 _ 109 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,029 (GRINDING) 110 00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:16,159 Why do the low-budget parks we go to 111 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,089 have so many white trash idiots? 112 00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,879 Oh! Boy, that's good. 113 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,439 Why? Why? 114 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,950 Well, I'm getting right in line for Santa. 115 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,720 _ 116 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,329 _ 117 00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,259 Eight hours to see a fat lazy drunk-o? 118 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,545 I came to this park to get away from one. 119 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,214 Wow. Even Chanukah Hollow is packed. 120 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,769 - _ - ("I HAVE A LITTLE DREIDEL" PLAYING) 121 00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,511 Check out the Dreidel Casino. 122 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,699 Come on, gimmel, gimmel, gimmel! 123 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,640 Ah, shin again! 124 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:51,669 I thought this would be 125 00:05:51,670 --> 00:05:53,879 the one part of Judaism I'm good at. 126 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,779 (CHUCKLES) 127 00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:57,179 (GROANS) 128 00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:58,779 Typical. 129 00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,549 The one ride is a stupid, boring kiddie ride. 130 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,250 At least you get to have fun. 131 00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:10,460 (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) 132 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,539 (CACKLING) 133 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:19,019 ♪ It's a scary place in the world outside ♪ 134 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:22,559 ♪ Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ♪ 135 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,199 ♪ Don't display any fear, this we know ♪ 136 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,969 ♪ Yes, it's clear, all our eyes ♪ 137 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,619 ♪ Are watching you ♪ 138 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,239 ♪ It's a scary place in the world outside ♪ 139 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,929 ♪ Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ♪ 140 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:40,319 ♪ Don't display any fear, this we know, yes, it's clear ♪ 141 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,400 ♪ All our eyes are watching you. ♪ 142 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,031 (CAMERA CLICKS) 143 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,859 Hey, buddy, thanks for saving me a spot. 144 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,179 Bart, you cut the bullies. 145 00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:53,419 (GRUNTS) 146 00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,160 In this situation, we assign equal blame 147 00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:58,239 to the cutter and the cuttee. 148 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,959 Let him go. I don't want to get blood 149 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,389 on my Christmas sweater. 150 00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,039 Oh, there's gonna be blood on your sweater, all right. 151 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,459 I just said I didn't want that! 152 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,840 (GRUNTING) 153 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,969 _ 154 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,620 - _ - (HUMMING) 155 00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:19,849 - _ - (GRINDING) 156 00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:23,880 _ 157 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,899 Hello, young man. 158 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,615 Climb right up. 159 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,329 Santa? Bartholomew Simpson. 160 00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,203 - You don't know me, but... - Oh, but I do. 161 00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:36,739 Hello-ho-ho, Bart. 162 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,399 Sideshow Bob! 163 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,069 Merry Christmas. 164 00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:43,129 (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) 165 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,559 (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) 166 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,379 He's in a good mood. 167 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,859 Yes. This is the year I get the monkey. 168 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,319 I keep telling you, 169 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,229 a monkey is a huge responsibility. 170 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:58,812 I'm raising a kid. I think I can raise a monkey. 171 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,819 (THUNDER CRACKLES) 172 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,109 (YELLING) 173 00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:11,779 So easy. After all these years, 174 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:15,589 I get to watch the life drain from your eye, your I... 175 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,849 I can't kill you! 176 00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:21,375 - Want to know why? - Mm, nah. 177 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,139 I am a trained method actor. 178 00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,859 I inhabit my roles. 179 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,049 Like Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread. 180 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,176 Or Mike Myers in The Love Guru. 181 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,079 Why should I trust you? 182 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,160 Because I am utterly incapable of stepping out of character. 183 00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:37,479 I am Santa Claus. 184 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,460 The jolly old elf himself. 185 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,489 Ho, ho, ho. 186 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:43,569 MAN: So can we get in to see you? 187 00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:47,659 15-minute break. Santa's making presents. 188 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,738 Ooh... 189 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,157 - _ - (ALL GROANING) 190 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,379 I'm telling you, this is Sideshow Bob! 191 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:58,409 - He tried to kill me! - Well? 192 00:08:58,410 --> 00:09:00,980 I am a card-carrying seasonal Santa. 193 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,929 Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732. 194 00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,989 Hey, I was a mall Santa, too. 195 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,089 I still wear the belt. 196 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,599 Uh, if you're gonna spend this much time with our Santa, 197 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,019 you have to pose for a photo. 198 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,859 Photos with Santa, $40. 199 00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,859 Marge, just take one with your phone! 200 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,432 - Got it. - Run! 201 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,839 This will stop the jerks who've been stealing packages 202 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,739 off my porch: a decoy with an exploding dye marker inside. 203 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,320 You don't think you packed in a little too much gunpowder? 204 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:30,195 Relax. I learned how to do this from my Uncle Two Fingers. 205 00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:34,740 Oh, my God. You're the package thief? 206 00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:36,799 (TIRES SCREECH) 207 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,439 (FEEBLE MUTTERING) 208 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,747 Lenny. Who did this to you? Can you say it? 209 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,719 - Eh. - Can you whisper it? 210 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,729 Eh. 211 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,179 Can you write it with your blood? 212 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,550 Ooh. 213 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,008 _ 214 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,079 I'm a little worried our Christmas packages 215 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,419 haven't arrived. 216 00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:59,359 Marge, relax. There's plenty of time. 217 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,109 It's 8:00 p.m. Christmas Eve! 218 00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:06,689 Just sit back and watch this Fox News yule log. 219 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:12,987 ("SILENT NIGHT" PLAYING) 220 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,319 - _ - We interrupt this yule log 221 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,459 with a special report. 222 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,819 Package delivery thefts continue in Springfield. 223 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:20,089 Local man Leonard "Lenny" Leonard 224 00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:23,819 had his jingle bell rung in a package deal gone boom. 225 00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:27,199 Our only clue is these initials next to the corpse. 226 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,299 He's not a corpse. He's breathing. 227 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,239 - I say he's a corpse. - (BLOWS) And I say I'm not. 228 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,009 Uh... (SCOFFS) you don't get a vote. 229 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,599 (GASPS) "S.B." is Sideshow Bob! 230 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,219 That's what he's up to. 231 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,100 He's stealing Christmas! 232 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:44,260 A fellow Santa could not steal Christmas. 233 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:47,780 I know who this mysterious "S.B." is. 234 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,749 Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier. 235 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,760 Uh, tell Scott Bakula, Steve Ballmer 236 00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,694 and Sandra Bullock they're off the hook. 237 00:10:56,695 --> 00:10:59,179 I should've been back at NCIS: New Orleans 238 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,089 two hours ago. 239 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,320 Why don't you just Quantum Leap there? 240 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,760 Why don't you learn how to be a cop, fatso? 241 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:08,139 I loved it! Mistaken identity! 242 00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:12,719 I sold ten, ten season tickets to the guys in my cell. 243 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,810 Everything we do is successful, booyah! 244 00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:26,220 ♪ ♪ 245 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,819 Santa's Village, please. 246 00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,179 What do you want to go there for? 247 00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:36,219 (SCOFFS) I'm saving Christmas. 248 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,999 Every kid thinks they're doing that this time of year. 249 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,760 And as for you, Santa's Village is closed, I'm afraid. 250 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:44,119 If I wanted your life story, I would've taken an Uber. 251 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,497 Well, that shuts me up. 252 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,874 I'm not gonna leave till I find out what Bob's up to. 253 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,127 If you don't hear from me in one hour, call the police. 254 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,379 I have my own problems, Bart. 255 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,969 My mom just locked my dad out in the snow. 256 00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:58,159 He keeps tapping at my window. 257 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,719 She said if I open it, no presents. 258 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,230 - Useless. - Don't hang up. 259 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,394 _ 260 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,773 (LAUGHS) Classic evil villain mistake. 261 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:14,858 Life goals?! 262 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,659 Don't pooh-pooh. 263 00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,999 Now for God's sake, how can I convince you 264 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,115 that I am not going to kill you?! 265 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,702 Find the person who stole the presents. 266 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,209 Very well. I shall begin by clearing my initials, 267 00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:31,060 catching the true "S.B." and, if I must, 268 00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,877 save Christmas for everyone. 269 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,046 Now let me drive you home. 270 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,349 You want me to ride with you? Fine. 271 00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:40,740 Shotgun! 272 00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,620 Let's roll. 273 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,460 Shotgun means you pay the tolls. 274 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,729 So I'm here to save Christmas, and here's my plan. 275 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,320 First, I conceal myself within this box. 276 00:12:57,980 --> 00:12:59,359 (ALL GASP) 277 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,572 Where'd you learn how to do that? 278 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,289 When you ride cross-country in a clown car, you learn a lot. 279 00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:07,979 (SHUDDERING LAUGH) 280 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,913 - (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) - HOMER: Who knew? 281 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,509 - Brava! - Who knew? 282 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:12,519 SIDESHOW BOB: Thank you. 283 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,739 Now, Homer, gently place me on the porch, 284 00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:17,279 and when they steal me, follow them to their lair. 285 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,840 Will do. 286 00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:21,659 (BOTH GRUNTING) 287 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,670 (GRUNTING CONTINUES) 288 00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,269 Ah! 289 00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:29,069 - And... (GRUNTS) - Ah! 290 00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:31,435 Godspeed. 291 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,437 They'll be here any minute. 292 00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,939 ♪ ♪ 293 00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:55,543 (CAMERAS CLICKING) 294 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,290 (BELLS JINGLING) 295 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,479 (STRAINING): Can't breathe. 296 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,262 (BREATHING DEEPLY) 297 00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:13,300 _ 298 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,859 ALL: ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 299 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,358 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 300 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,069 ♪ Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. ♪ 301 00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:32,660 (GASPS) Oh, my God, S.B. is 302 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,540 Smithers and Burns! 303 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,459 Since when does Smithers go first? 304 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,779 The jig is up! 305 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,009 Also, leg cramp. 306 00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,256 Ow. 307 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,216 The police are on their way. 308 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,229 Who will they believe? You or the billionaire 309 00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:49,972 who just sent them a Montgomery Ward's cheese log? 310 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,975 Mr. Burns, why did you do this? 311 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,018 Ooh, general Scroogeyness. 312 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,139 No, it's deeper. It's much deeper than that. 313 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,108 (GASPS) I think Mr. Burns is depressed. 314 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,989 Ooh, you're a very perceptive girl. 315 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,969 (MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) 316 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,249 - That's close enough. - (MUSIC STOPS) 317 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,099 I just wanted everyone to experience 318 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,309 the same Christmas heartbreak that I once did. 319 00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:16,239 ♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪ 320 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,779 ♪ On the feast of Stephen. ♪ 321 00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:22,260 Papa, sweet Papa, may I sit on Santa's lap? 322 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,819 Well, I don't know. 323 00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,779 Santa Claus, giving away free toys, 324 00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:30,249 undercutting my friends, Bill Mattel and Fred Hasbro. 325 00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,100 Please? 326 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,279 (SHOUTS) 327 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,349 Well, what's on your wish list, little boy? 328 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:43,239 A Rockford sock monkey, Studebaker pedal car, 329 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,279 or the most popular gift this year, an orange. 330 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,649 All I want is a hug from my mommy 331 00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,540 and a smile from my daddy. 332 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,620 Oh, well I'm sure there's a hug and a smile 333 00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,779 on their way to you right now. 334 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,129 Ho, ho, ho. 335 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,707 Next. 336 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,629 What do you want for Christmas? 337 00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:03,369 I want you to marry my mom like you said you would. 338 00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:04,379 Next! 339 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,780 - _ - ♪ ♪ 340 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,270 BURNS: Christmas day came... 341 00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,239 I'm here to take you to boarding school. 342 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,862 - On Christmas Day? - Hey, no traffic. 343 00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:32,899 BURNS: The next time I saw my parents, 344 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,953 they weren't in a smiling mood. 345 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,920 Too late! 346 00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:43,709 You two never gave me anything except $100 million. 347 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:44,979 Santa lied. 348 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,509 But, Monty, you misunderstood me. 349 00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:48,929 Ho, ho, ho. 350 00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:51,199 Santa? It can't be. 351 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,637 Monty, it's 1935, 352 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,309 and this is Gimbels Department Store, 353 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,379 with the toy train in the window 354 00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,599 and Maxie the elevator man. 355 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,079 You're looking at the lingerie department. 356 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,439 You can look. It's okay. 357 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,733 (LAUGHS) 358 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,989 Yes. Yes. Yes! I am a child again. 359 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,059 And the truth is, your parents did love you, 360 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:14,829 not with hugs and kisses, but with something better... 361 00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:16,289 they made you strong. 362 00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:18,749 Where are all the other tycoons from your day? 363 00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,619 Broke, dead, a lot of #MeToo. 364 00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:26,509 But you're the richest, most ruthless man in town, 365 00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:29,007 thanks to your parents' love. 366 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,094 It's true. 367 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,559 Smithers, it's Christmas, 368 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,806 which is a work day for you, so help me out. 369 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,184 - And it's my birthday. - Don't expect two presents. 370 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,899 - ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ The snow's coming down ♪ 371 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,799 - ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪ 372 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,959 ♪ Christmas... ♪ 373 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,619 My raisins came! 374 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,899 - Mmm! - (SIGHS) 375 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,366 Well, at least he's eating. 376 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,280 ♪ Christmas... ♪ 377 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:01,439 Huzzah for Mr. Burns! 378 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,699 God bless us, every one. 379 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,876 Seriously, this is, this is really nice. 380 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,545 - _ - ("CAROL OF THE BELLS" PLAYING) 381 00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,559 (YAWNS) We did it. 382 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,716 Got all the presents under the tree. 383 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,539 I'm lucky because no one could possibly steal my gift. 384 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:19,119 All I want is one peaceful moment 385 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,729 to hold my wife in my arms. 386 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,143 Aw. 387 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,999 BART: It's Christmas! 388 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,349 Awake already? 389 00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:32,180 - (CHUCKLES) Slide whistle. - Kazoo! 390 00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:36,114 (ALL PLAYING INSTRUMENTS) 391 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,669 (QUIETLY): Meet me in the basement. 392 00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:40,179 Okay. 393 00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:41,840 Picture time. 394 00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,230 _ 395 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,529 Janey, haven't you learned that silly tune yet? 396 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,008 You play it over and over again. Now stop it, stop it! 397 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,189 That girl is pretty bad at the piano. 398 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:58,419 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 399 00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:01,199 Ugh. Hello, Cassandra. 400 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,279 I brought you a Christmas present. 401 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,059 (GRUMBLING) 402 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:09,299 I know who you are, and I know what you've done, 403 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,409 and I want you to kiss me. 404 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,079 - ♪ You really should go ♪ - ♪ It's 20 below ♪ 405 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,959 - ♪ I can't have you here ♪ - ♪ Just get me a beer ♪ 406 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,399 - ♪ I'm being a gent ♪ - ♪ I'm giving consent ♪ 407 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,060 ♪ You are quite inviting ♪ 408 00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:28,049 ♪ I will put it in writing ♪ 409 00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,459 _ 410 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,600 BOTH: ♪ Baby, it's cold outside. ♪ 411 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,135 (CRASHING) 412 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:42,189 Yarr. Will someone turn on the damn light?! 413 00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:45,119 A little late, don't you think? 414 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,477 Yarr! 415 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,019 Steve. Psst. Steve. Wait. 416 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:56,139 Sorry, I'm just about ready to leave your wonderful town. 417 00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,479 Great place. Fantastic! 418 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,199 The best Springfield I've ever been in. Whoo! 419 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,369 Whoo-hoo! 420 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,455 Can you teach me to do that? 421 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,373 - _ - Do what? This is just me. 422 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:12,711 Fantastic coffee! Send a truckful to Seattle. 423 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,269 How can you possibly be so happy? 424 00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:18,679 - It's in you, too. - I really don't think so. 425 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,609 Monty, look me in the eye. 426 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,640 I don't know if I can. 427 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,009 (NECK CRACKS) 428 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,829 You're amazingly alive, 429 00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:30,519 you're rich beyond any sense of justice, 430 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,719 you're C. Montgomery Burns. 431 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,339 - Whoo! - (WEAKLY): Whoo. 432 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:39,690 - (BONES CRACK) - Ow! (GROANING) 433 00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,169 Hurt yourself on the landing, huh? 434 00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,739 No, on the way up. 435 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:48,740 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 436 00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:53,390 _ 437 00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:57,400 _ 438 00:20:57,420 --> 00:21:01,900 _ 439 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,740 _ 440 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,580 _ 441 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,410 _ 442 00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:17,170 _ 443 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:20,840 _ 444 00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:24,510 _ 445 00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:29,121 _ 445 00:21:30,305 --> 00:21:36,438 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org31580

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.