Original subtitles

The Carmichael Show is taped in front of a live studio audience.

(stifled sob)

(crying)

- JERROD: Hey, y'all. - (door closing)

JOE: Cynthia, the kids are here.

Okay, I'll be out in a minute!

(crying)

Aw, look how cute everybody is all

color coordinated for the family photo.

Yeah,

let's hurry up and take this picture.

Maxine and I look like mannequins

in a Kanye West outlet mall.

Wait, wait, wait, we were supposed to match?

I just threw this on this morning.

(laughs)

Power of the universe.

All right, now, boys,

me and your mama sat up for an hour last night

trying to figure out which pose we gonna do today.

It's either kids between adult legs,

peek-a-boo style or a pyramid.

Now, look, I've put on a little weight,

so, Jerrod, you and Bobby get over there

and see if you can support my weight.

Oh, yeah, this'll be fun.

You know, I was head cheerleader so I can be on top.

Oh, yeah, that'd be good...

Your mama ain't gonna let her be on top.

Cynthia...

Oh!

Maxine, you should knock before you

come into a kitchen.

Are you crying?

No.

Well, Cynthia, you're obviously crying.

You know, Maxine,

sometimes you harp on things and it is really annoying.

(sighs)

JOE: Bobby, get your ass up off the floor.

You know you ain't hurt.

Joe, I told you, kids between

adult legs peek-a-boo style!

Um, did something happen to you?

(sighs)

Enough of the questions, Maxine.

Let's talk about what's gonna happen

when you leave this kitchen.

I don't want you saying anything about this to anyone, okay?

Well, but, I just think that...

Listen, I...

am not one to threaten anyone

with physical violence, but...

...I'm willing to do what I have to do to keep this a secret.

Uh, I just want to make sure that you're okay.

You know what, Maxine,

I'm getting a snitch vibe from you.

You know what happens to snitches.

They get stitches.

No, they get dead.

Picture time!

?

?

Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Oh, look at my boys. You are gonna look

so nice in the picture.

Now let me run and get dressed.

I don't want us to be late.

Take your time.

We still working on this pyramid.

That ain't the way you do a pyramid.

What's the point of having two boys

if y'all can't even pick me up?

Um, has anyone noticed

anything off about Cynthia lately?

Well, she agreed to let you be in the family picture,

that's a little weird.

I told her she could cut you out.

You know, with, uh, Photoshop these days,

you can have the family you want

instead of the family you got.

Yeah, you could

Photoshop anything now.

Look, there's no reason why you should be online

looking ugly, okay.

Technology cured ugliness.

Look, I really think

that there's something wrong with her.

Maxine, you obviously know something.

Just tell us.

Don't make us fish around

for answers to clear your conscience.

If you're gonna snitch, just snitch.

Look, I saw your mom

crying in the kitchen, okay?

Snitch, snitch, snitch.

Joe, do we have to wait

until after the photo

before we crop her out?

Look, Cynthia, I'm sorry.

Of course, I had to tell them, I'm worried about you.

Wait, Mama, y-y-you okay?

Look, just say you're okay

even if you not okay, okay?

Bobby...

I am sure there's a legit reason

why Mom was crying in the kitchen.

I mean, Maxine's a very caring person, but sometimes she looks

for emotions where there aren't any.

Like if I'm quiet at home for more than an hour,

she keeps probing for answers

until I got to make up a lie about my father.

Dad, I'm sorry.

It's the only way to get her to stop.

(Cynthia sighs)

Nothing is wrong, Bobby.

I just get a little sad.

I mean, sadness doesn't need a reason.

I just have all these feelings.

Look, your mama doesn't have to

explain herself to you.

She's had the blues lately.

You know, crying from time to time,

taking naps that turn into for real sleeping.

The big thing is your mama handled this

all on her own.

No, I think the big thing is

that she was crying alone in the kitchen.

Yeah, and what do you mean by she's had the blues lately?

Has this been happening a lot, Cynthia?

I don't know, maybe five, six, seven weeks.

Oh, here comes the tears.

Ma...

you've been crying alone

f-for five or six, seven weeks?

That's a huge problem.

Oh, that ain't... Five or six, seven weeks ain't nothing.

I had colds longer than that.

Dad, that's a huge problem, too.

Get that checked out.

You probably got walking pneumonia or something.

Jerrod, when you were a teenager,

you had the blues all the time.

No, Ma, that's called being a teenager.

Wait, yeah, Jerrod, you did get dumped a lot.

Again, it's called being a teenager.

Uh, Cynthia, can you try and describe

how you feel when you get like this?

Well, I don't know, it's...

I-it's that feeling like a wave just hits you

and you can't breathe, and each wave is-is bigger

than the last wave and it's just pushing you further

and further away from shore,

and you try to come up for air

but you can't.

You know. The blues.

No, don't-don't say you're drowning and you feel like

you're gasping for air, casually,

and call it, "the blues,"

and expect us not to be upset.

Cynthia, that sounds like depression.

Depression?!

Wait, that's what that is?

I've just been calling it,

"the case of the Mondays" for years.

Maxine, honey, working class people don't get depression.

Depression is a luxury of wealth and free time.

Mm-hmm.

That is right.

Depression is a disease of the opulent, you know,

like, um, affluenza or that...

truffle fingers.

Dad, there is no way truffle fingers is a real thing.

No, depression isn't real.

That's something rich people made up

'cause they were bored and they wanted to add

some adversity to their lives.

Imagine how boring Justin Bieber's bio would be

if it didn't say he had depression.

It would say birth, instant fame, dead at 27.

I ain't trying to wish something

on the boy, but I see the signs.

No, no, no, I get it, I get it, all right.

We were raised in an environment

where we were taught to believe depression isn't real

and we're supposed to ignore it 'cause it makes us appear weak.

However, it is a real thing,

and I don't want you two ignoring it

the way we ignore Uncle Jack's depression.

Your Uncle Jack is not depressed.

Uncle Jack hasn't left his house in 15 years.

Well, he has a very nice house.

That is not true.

He does not have a very nice house.

Well, it must be kind of nice,

he's been in there for 15 years!

Hey, y'all.

Joe, I got your text about the family photo,

and she ready to be the base of this pyramid.

Hey, Nekeisha, your braids and aggressive demeanor

tell us you've been through a lot of pain.

Would you please

explain to my parents

that depression is a real thing?

I thought depression was one of those things that

only rich people get, like tennis elbow or skin cancer.

Thank you!

Told you!

Who's depressed? Bobby?

They talking about me.

Who's talking? Maxine?

Mm-hmm, who else?

I'm sorry, I go to school for this,

and I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything,

but I know how to look for the signs,

and Jerrod agrees with me, too.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's out of character

for me, but I do, I agree.

You know what the problem is in this country?

Over-diagnosis.

You drink too much coffee?

Well, oh, you got ADHD.

You stay up late, you got insomnia.

You speed up on a pedestrian,

they try to charge you with attempted murder.

Labels! Labels.

All right, we've talked enough about depression.

(laughs)

Listen, I have a $20 off coupon

at Sears for family portraits

and this is the day it expires,

so let's go.

No, w-w-wait,

we're not just gonna ignore this, are we?

No, we're not.

Well, which one of you

is gonna pay the extra $20?

Look, I just think that we need to talk about

Cynthia maybe seeing a therapist.

A therapist?!

(laughs)

(Joe and Nekeisha laughing)

Dad, Dad, do you mind if I talk to you

in the kitchen for a second?

No, I don't get called

into rooms in my own house.

Should be lucky I want a soda right now.

Ah, and remember, I lead first.

If I've learned anything from The Dog Whisperer,

it's to establish dominance early.

Look, Dad, Mom needs help.

Since when did you become Mr. Therapy?

Maxine?

Who else?

But she's right.

You know, she helps a lot of people

a-and I've seen it.

I mean, I wasn't supposed to see it,

but I looked through some files 'cause I couldn't sleep...

...and those files didn't help me sleep at all.

Look, I know you mean well,

but your mother isn't the type to go for therapy.

She's strong, not crazy.

But she's had, like, six or seven weeks to talk

to someone and she's not talking to any of us,

so maybe she should see a therapist.

Well, I don't want anybody tampering with your mama.

I love her just the way she is.

Look, Dad, no one's gonna tamper with Mom.

It's just gonna make her a better version

of who she already is.

Why are you young people so in love with self-improvement?

You got to get to know who you really are

or you gonna wind up changing

that one thing about you that's unique.

There's nothing wrong with being sad sometimes.

Look at Amy Winehouse, beautiful music.

She's dead.

And I want Mom

to be okay, so despite all of our feelings about therapy,

Mom is in a lot of pain right now so I'm gonna go out there

and I'm gonna tell her she needs to see a therapist,

whether you agree or not.

Wait, you can't show dominance in my house!

I'm the alpha!

So, by my third foster home, I was so confused.

I mean, I was 16 and I wasn't even sure

if I was even capable of love anymore.

Hmm, so what did you do?

I mean, you seem to be functioning okay now.

Only because I had finally got the courage

to call someone, Mark, actually.

Wait, why did you laugh earlier if you've been

to therapy before?

No, Mark is not a therapist.

He sells weed, okay?

Weed is a coping mechanism.

See, Cynthia, there's two ways

to handle a problem, okay?

Way number one: you can take it head on,

and run into it, and just fight it out...

or you could take a hit of weed

and forget all your problems.

Now, you gonna forget some good things, too,

but it's worth it.

Well, look, Ma, I'm worried about you.

There's obviously something very serious

happening with you and it could be depression.

MAXINE: Yeah,

and if it is depression, you need to talk to

a professional about it before it gets worse.

Yep, one day you're cleaning...

and the next day, you're slowly walking

around in front of a pond.

Why do depression commercials always got a pond in it?

I mean, I think ponds are happy, you know?

Look, I'm just trying to contribute, y'all, come on.

All right, listen, I am going to handle this

in my own way.

It is none of your concern.

The only thing you guys have to do is smile

when the guy behind that camera says, "Cheese."

Look, Ma, here's the deal.

Nobody is taking that picture until you see a therapist.

- (gasps) - I'm not gonna take that picture,

Maxine's not gonna take that picture,

and Bobby's not gonna take that picture, either.

I'm including you in this.

My man.

Joe, do you hear them?

So, that's your plan?

That's low, son.

Manipulating your mama into bettering herself.

We don't need them.

We can take our own picture, just me and you.

I don't want a picture of me and you.

Jerrod, stop holding the family portrait hostage.

I'm sorry, Mom, but you leave me no choice.

Fine, fine.

One session.

I will go to one session,

but I am going to wear a big hat and sunglasses, like Jackie O,

because I can't be seen going into therapy.

I have a reputation to uphold.

You don't need to wear those.

This is how the poker players hide their tells.

I'm-a see how good your mind reader is.

See if she can see through these shades.

There is no point in doing this

if you're not gonna take it seriously.

Fine.

But I'm not taking off the hat.

I built this entire outfit around this hat.

(sighs)

Now what?

We just fill out these forms

and wait for your name to be called.

She's gonna call my name out loud?

I need an alias.

Put down Diana Ross.

No, no, Star Jones.

Everybody knows she crazy.

Nancy Grace, final answer.

No one here is going to judge you.

I don't know why not.

I'm judging them.

Psst.

Psst, what you in here for?

I'm sorry.

She's new to therapy.

She the crazy one.

I'm just her ride.

Look, it's important that you answer

these questions as honestly as possible.

Well...

Shouldn't this place be more uplifting?

They don't have no Highlights magazines

or a colorful abacus that I could play with?

No, 'cause you're not seeing a pediatrician.

Cynthia Carmichael.

Cynthia Carmichael.

Snitch. (scoffs)

Do you think Mom is telling all our secrets?

Bobby, you don't have any secrets.

You post everything on Instagram.

Shoot, I don't need no stranger

to make me reveal my dark secrets.

Bobby, when your mama was pregnant with you,

this woman who couldn't have kids

offered us $10,000 for you.

Now, I know that's not a lot of money to pay for a child,

but we did take the whole weekend to think about it.

Wow, thanks for keeping me.

Well, the woman changed her mind at the last minute.

The whole deal fell through.

What?

You owe me an El Camino.

Hey, how'd it go, baby?

It did not go well, Joe.

Don't speak for me, Maxine.

It did not go well, Joe.

Look, I don't want to know, I don't want to know.

They uncovered some...

some deep, dark secrets about you, didn't they, Mama?

Huh?

You got more than one personality?

Are all them personalities my mama?

Look, they didn't uncover anything

'cause she didn't even try.

Yes, I did.

That therapist, she just made me uncomfortable.

She kept nodding her head every time I said something,

acting like she got me.

Well, I was lying, so I knew she didn't get me.

That's my girl.

Keep it in house.

- (laughs) - Ma...

y-you lied?

I mean, who leaves therapy a worse person?

Apparently, she thought the therapist was asking her

too many personal questions.

I don't like anybody asking me personal questions.

Mm-hmm.

Cynthia didn't even know

my last name till we were married.

Look, Ma, you had to know how therapy worked.

I mean, remember we saw Good Will Hunting

in theaters together.

You kept yelling at the screen,

"Somebody needs to give that boy a hug!"

Give your mother a break.

She's been through a lot today.

No, let's not give her a break, Joe.

Giving her a break is what got her here in the first place.

Now, let's stop pretending.

Did she raise her voice?

You raise your voice?

She raised her voice?!

Yes, yes and yes.

Cynthia,

you are the only one who can make a difference in this.

Now if you had actually answered any

of the therapist's questions,

maybe you would have gotten somewhere. I mean,

isn't this the family that just talks about everything?!

Usually, I can't get you guys to shut up

- and now you're afraid to talk?! - Oh!

Well, I'm not afraid to say this:

you are out of the family picture!

- Okay, you two... - Wait, wait, now,

they fighting over your love, boy.

Don't get involved.

BOTH: This has nothing to do with Jerrod!

(mouthing)

Now, Cynthia, why would I even want to be in that picture?

So I can look back at it and go,

"Oh, hey, remember that time

"Cynthia was suffering from depression?

"That was so much fun!

Look at that darkness behind her eyes."

And-and behind Bobby's eyes.

We're kindred spirits.

Stop calling it depression!

You don't even know what it is!

Neither do you 'cause you're too afraid to find out.

Oh, Lord, what do you want from me?!

Look, it is not about being crazy.

It is about being honest with yourself,

and figuring out exactly what you're feeling without judging.

Now, you were crying in the kitchen one minute,

but you're willing to put on a fake smile for the cameraman

the next, I mean, what...

I have to put on a fake smile!

I'm the mom!

I'm the wife!

The mom has to be happy in the picture!

Now, the dad, he can have a stain

on his shirt.

His eyes can be closed.

The kids can be snot-nosed and crying, but the mom

has to smile for the entire family!

No matter what!

No, no, I do not want to do this.

Well, we're already doing it, Cynthia.

Look, your feelings are valid.

So, open up.

Your-your family can handle it.

Um... no...

I actually can't handle it.

Okay, no, Ma, we can handle it.

We're here. We're listening.

Well, it's just so hard to explain, Jerrod.

I mean, like, the other day, I-I stopped at Wendy's,

and I knew Bobby's order because he always get

that Junior Bacon and a Frosty,

and-and-and Jerrod always says

that he doesn't eat fast food,

but he like that Crispy Chicken

and Joe, he likes the Double Stack.

Well, I usually just eat whatever they have left over,

you know, but then I was at the window and...

and I-I realized...

I didn't even know

my own order without theirs.

I'm a grown woman and I don't know what I like

at Wendy's.

That's the saddest thing I ever heard in my life.

I think it's amazing.

This woman just said she don't know how to order from Wendy's.

You know, you really can't go wrong with anything

on that value menu, baby.

Glad you're taking the right things away from this, Dad.

Cynthia, this is great.

Now, it's not about Wendy's.

You're thinking about yourself

and your needs for the first time

in who knows how long.

That is a huge breakthrough.

Well...

(sighs)

...it does feel good to talk about it.

Well, great.

Let's-let's keep going.

Oh, no, Maxine.

I'm going over to Wendy's.

I'm gonna order everything on that menu

until I figure out what Cynthia likes to eat.

You are good, Maxine.

You are good.

I know.

(laughs)

Cracked her open like a nut.

I'm conflicted.

A part of me is excited for her breakthrough,

but the other part of me

kind of wants to go to Wendy's.

Joe, let her have this one.

I mean...

we could just go to a different Wendy's, right?

See, this is what I'm talking about, Maxine.

Jerrod just had a breakthrough.

Everybody's having a breakthrough today.

Let's go to Wendy's.

It feels so good to open up like this.

You know, I smoked through both my pregnancies.

(sighs)

Oh, I never told anybody that before.

All right, well, our time is up for today.

I told my husband that I didn't

with the second baby, but I did.

Oh. You know, and I'm afraid that

that's why Jerrod is having trouble gaining weight.

I'm sorry, we're gonna need to leave it here.

Keep the meter running.

Now, I know you're gonna say that the jury was out

on smoking while pregnant, but it wasn't.

I was sucking that hot fire into my body.

It's pretty obvious it wasn't healthy.

Ooh, I sure do like this talking!

It makes you feel good!

You know, I don't have many friends,

but the one I have, Sylvia, both of her sons...

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