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1
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:04,395
.
2
00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,049
- Whoo!
Party bus.
3
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:09,009
- Okay, a toast!
To our girl Sandra--
4
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,532
Whoo-whoo--
[laughter]
5
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,664
for being awesome,
6
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,318
for finding true love,
7
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,320
and most importantly,
8
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:17,495
for giving me
my first chance
9
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:20,020
to par-tay
in, like, decades.
10
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,064
Thank you.
- [chuckles]
11
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,152
- All right,
let's get drunk
12
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,676
and take this bitch
to see a horse.
13
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,461
[all cheering]
14
00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,898
- You guys are the best.
I love you all.
15
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:30,726
- Aw...
- Aw!
16
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:33,033
- Wait!
Don't eat that.
17
00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:35,165
They're filled
with laxatives.
18
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,688
- What? Why?
19
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,473
I mean, I get that some of you
may have that problem.
20
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,214
For the record,
I do not.
21
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:42,259
My doctor is begging me
to eat less fiber.
22
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,347
I won't do it.
23
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,566
- I wanted Sandra
to get sick
24
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,829
so tomorrow
would be ruined, okay?
25
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,135
- What the hell, Carol?
26
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:49,179
- I knew
you hadn't changed.
27
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,094
- I'm sorry.
I tried.
28
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,705
But I just couldn't
let the anger go.
29
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,229
I'm a mess.
30
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,100
I shouldn't be
any part of this.
31
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,537
- Mmm, that cupcake
was delicious.
32
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,279
Mmm.
33
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,238
- Ooh, someone should tell him.
34
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,109
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no, no!
35
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,589
- Maybe he'll be fine.
36
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,070
- Oh, he's not fine.
37
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:12,072
- [grunting]
38
00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:15,075
[upbeat music]
39
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,859
♪
40
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,429
- I knew we were here
too early.
41
00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:23,083
They haven't even finished
setting up the...
42
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,345
[stammering]
s-ship?
43
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,869
Is--is it a cowboy ship?
44
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,175
- No, their theme is nautical,
45
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:29,524
but they got this
western place for cheap
46
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,221
because Jerry got hit
by a dart here.
47
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:32,875
Oh--bar!
Come on.
48
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,224
- Wow, going right at it, huh?
49
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:35,356
- Yeah, well,
I didn't get to cut loose
50
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:36,444
at the
bachelorette party,
51
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:38,141
so I'm cutting
twice as loose tonight.
52
00:01:38,185 --> 00:01:39,403
My phone is on
do not disturb,
53
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:41,710
and my liver
is on high alert.
54
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,364
- That's where you think
your liver is?
55
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,757
- I don't know.
Where's my liver?
56
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,238
- It--it's not there.
57
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,761
- Excuse me.
- Oh, sorry, folks.
58
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:50,806
I'm not open yet.
59
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,547
- Oh, okay.
No worries.
60
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:55,071
But you've got bottles,
and glasses,
61
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,204
and the garnish buffets
all set up.
62
00:01:57,247 --> 00:01:58,205
Looks good to go!
63
00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,945
- And yet, nope.
64
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,338
- No rush.
No rush at all.
65
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,731
- No, please.
God, no.
66
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:03,732
No, no, take your time.
67
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:04,950
But, you know,
when the time comes,
68
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,605
I would love
an old-fashioned.
69
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,738
Or, you know,
something like quick and easy
70
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,261
like a beer--
there's a bunch of them here.
71
00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:12,784
I could just--
- Ma'am.
72
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,090
- Sorry.
73
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,745
I was just trying
to help you.
74
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:20,488
- I said ma'am.
- He did say ma'am.
75
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,406
[upbeat music]
76
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:26,581
- Oh, hey, Glenn.
- Mm-hmm?
77
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:27,973
- Getting ready
for the ceremony?
78
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:29,279
- Yeah. You bet.
79
00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:31,194
I know this
backwards and forwards.
80
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,370
Though I would not
recommend it backwards.
81
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,285
I sound like a lunatic.
- Yeah.
82
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,721
- So how's
your toast coming?
83
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,462
- Oh, well, you know,
I'm still working it out.
84
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,856
I just have this, like,
little story about him.
85
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:41,944
Basically,
Jerry and Sandra
86
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,815
have this sweatshirt
with a crab on it,
87
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,601
and whoever's feeling crabby
has to wear the sweatshirt.
88
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,037
And the only time
Jerry's worn it
89
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,953
is when Sandra
was out of town.
90
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:53,085
- That's nice.
And then?
91
00:02:53,129 --> 00:02:54,826
- That's--Well,
that--that's it.
92
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,001
- Oh, that--that's--
93
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,089
that's your whole speech?
94
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,613
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
95
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,311
Well, I do not see
a problem with that.
96
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,356
- It sounds like you do.
97
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,705
- No, no, no.
98
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:06,229
What I'm saying is
there's no disaster ahead.
99
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:07,665
You know,
nobody's going to hate you.
100
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,058
- Hate me?
Why would anyone hate me?
101
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:12,192
- That's what I'm saying.
Most of them won't.
102
00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:13,671
[murmuring]
Yeah.
103
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:16,021
- I bet this place sees
a lot of ill-fitting denim.
104
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:18,807
- Yeah, just imagine how many
bad butts have been in here.
105
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:19,938
- Call me an optimist,
106
00:03:19,982 --> 00:03:21,897
but I think
there are no bad butts.
107
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,507
There's just bad pants.
108
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,509
- Aw,
that's beautiful.
109
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:28,251
- Okay, I'm going to hit
the little cowboys' room.
110
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,688
Not my words.
It says that on the door.
111
00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:34,214
- So?
112
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:37,042
- Oh! He's great!
Yeah, he's so nice.
113
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,218
- I know,
we're working on
114
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,262
getting him to
talk trash about people.
115
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,742
- Yeah, it just
takes practice.
116
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,526
He'll be a nasty bitch
real soon.
117
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,658
- Thanks.
[chuckles]
118
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:44,876
I was a little worried,
you know,
119
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,530
inviting him to a wedding
this early on.
120
00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,053
But then I thought it'd be
weirder not to bring him.
121
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,534
- Totally--that's how it was
for me and Bo at homecoming.
122
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:53,058
But then we just did a bunch
of whip-its in the DJ's van,
123
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,017
and it was great.
124
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,540
- I say this with love--
125
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,020
it's crazy
you haven't been murdered.
126
00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,674
- I know.
127
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,545
- But you're not
some kind of nerd like Glenn.
128
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:02,720
You're just going
to find your speech
129
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,592
in, like, the moment, right?
- No, sir.
130
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,811
I take my maid of honor
duties very seriously.
131
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,335
So I've rehearsed it
down to the syllable.
132
00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,554
I know exactly where
I'm going to...
133
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,948
[sniffles]
almost start to cry.
134
00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:14,384
And where I'm going to...
[chortles]
135
00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,560
get myself a little bit
with my own joke.
136
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,258
And then I'm going to
bring it home
137
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:22,479
with a series...
of meaningful...pauses.
138
00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:25,569
- So you have thought about it.
All right.
139
00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:27,397
- Guys, they haven't
put out the shrimp yet,
140
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,659
in case anyone is wondering.
141
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,835
I saw cocktail sauce, though,
so we are close.
142
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:33,447
- Oh, whew.
- The wedding starts soon.
143
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,449
Shouldn't all this stuff
be ready by now?
144
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,320
- Carol snapped
and left us hanging,
145
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:39,409
Sandra's sister is useless,
and Jerry's family members
146
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,237
are definitely
related to Jerry.
147
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,586
- You know, it's funny.
148
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,240
I always thought
if Carol snapped,
149
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,287
she'd do something crazier than
putting laxatives in cupcakes.
150
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,766
- What do you mean?
- I just thought
151
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,246
she'd go bigger.
152
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,900
Plus, I'm surprised she did it
at the bachelorette party,
153
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:54,337
instead of the day
Sandra marries her ex.
154
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,991
- In front of all her
friends and family.
155
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,688
- Mm-hmm.
- Hmm.
156
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:00,952
- [exhales]
- You don't think
157
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,867
Carol's behind
the shrimp delay, do you?
158
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,000
- Yes, definitely.
159
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,001
- Strike two.
160
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,003
- What is that
bartender's problem?
161
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,353
This is a wedding,
not a rules convention.
162
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,181
Get me a drink!
163
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,878
- I feel like flirting with him
could've worked,
164
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:15,532
calling him a fascist
could've worked,
165
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,926
but I think doing both
just kind of confused him.
166
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:20,450
- [sighs]
Okay, centerpieces, chairs...
167
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:22,583
- Hey, Dina.
Everything okay?
168
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:23,714
- Carol's going
to do something.
169
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,542
I can feel it.
- What? No.
170
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:26,978
Carol's working
at the store tonight.
171
00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:28,415
She's not even here.
172
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:29,720
- What if she threw us off
the scent by making us think
173
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,287
her plan was over
at the bachelorette
174
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,897
so we'd let down our guard
at the wedding?
175
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,856
The wedding that
she helped design?
176
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,336
Huh?
[chuckles]
177
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,467
If Sandra makes it
through today without
178
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,990
being decapitated,
it will be a miracle.
179
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,731
- Dina, it does seem like
there's a lot
180
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:42,124
that still needs to get done.
181
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,473
Isn't that kind of your job?
182
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,345
- My job is
keeping the bride safe.
183
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,650
I need to find a sewer map.
184
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,174
- Um, wait, Dina.
Who--
185
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,393
[sighs]
186
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:51,873
- No, no, no, no, no.
187
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,745
This is not your problem.
You have a liver to ruin.
188
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:56,747
- Yes, but--
- I'm sure
189
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:57,835
they're going to
figure it out.
190
00:05:57,879 --> 00:05:59,663
- Yeah, yeah, no.
Totally, totally.
191
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:03,014
Things have a way
of working out for Sandra.
192
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:05,887
- Hey, guys.
Having fun?
193
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,279
Don't forget to sign
the guestbook.
194
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,498
- Sandra!
195
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,413
You look beautiful!
- Yeah!
196
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,415
- And why are you
carrying chairs?
197
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,547
- Yeah, do you need
a hand, or--
198
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,287
- No, no, no.
It's just, uh,
199
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:16,506
I don't know where Dina is,
200
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:19,814
and, uh, Jerry's busy
parking cars, so...
201
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,206
It's fine.
You guys are guests.
202
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,904
Sit down, enjoy.
203
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,124
- I have to.
- I know.
204
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,169
- I hate it.
- I know.
205
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:29,476
- Oh, God.
Sandra, stop, please.
206
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,260
I-I will make sure
everything gets done.
207
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:32,479
You go. Get ready.
208
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:35,612
- Oh, really?
Thank you so much.
209
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:38,223
Maybe I can still get
into the family photos.
210
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,443
- Yes. Go, go, go.
211
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,445
- I can't wait
to have some champagne.
212
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,882
- [groans]
Me, too.
213
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:47,450
.
214
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,496
- All right, guys,
listen up.
215
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:50,714
There is still a lot
that needs to get done,
216
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:52,020
and it is crunch time.
217
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,630
I'm going to finish
the centerpieces,
218
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,458
Jonah, you set up the chairs.
Cheyenne, can you make sure
219
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,894
that the sound system's
working?
220
00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,767
- Oh, God, yeah,
I totally forgot. Sorry.
221
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,422
- Had you already
asked her to do that?
222
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,945
- No.
223
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,425
[cell phone rings]
224
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,037
- Dina, hey.
Are they inviting me after all?
225
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,517
'Cause I did throw my
nice socks in the car,
226
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,648
just in case.
227
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,171
- No, you're still
not wanted here.
228
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,695
Look, I'm worried that Carol
is plotting something.
229
00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:15,783
Has she been acting weird?
230
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:18,394
- I guess, like,
her regular level.
231
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,439
- Okay, yeah,
what's her energy like?
232
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,136
Is she laughing to herself?
233
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,703
Rubbing her hands
together maniacally?
234
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,618
- Okay.
She's eating a sandwich,
235
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,620
not in an evil way,
but...
236
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,927
it's not so positive, either.
Should I send a pic?
237
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,755
- Absolutely, you should.
238
00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:33,191
- Okay, the seating cards
are placed.
239
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,106
Sandra's cat has the ring.
240
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,673
Jonah, do you want to go
make sure that the caterers
241
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,022
have everything that they need?
242
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:39,633
- On it.
Also, are we hanging
243
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:41,896
these fishing nets?
They're so wet.
244
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,594
Were they just used?
245
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:45,943
Oh, wow.
246
00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:48,729
You--uh, you really went
all out, huh?
247
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,906
- The invitation said Cowboy
Charlie's Old West Steakhouse.
248
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,864
I assumed what
any sane person would.
249
00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:54,996
- I told you.
250
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,432
- Oh, you love this,
don't you?
251
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,390
This is the greatest gift
I could give you.
252
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,436
And now you give me
the cold shoulder.
253
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,742
Perfect!
254
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,048
- Make sure
we're at their table.
255
00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:08,183
- ♪ I'll take you home
256
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:11,926
♪ Happenin' now,
I'll take you home ♪
257
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,493
- Oh, thanks.
258
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:15,538
Hey, man,
sorry about earlier.
259
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,192
It's my eighth
straight day of work.
260
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,194
I'm usually better
with pushy guests.
261
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,630
Although, they're usually
much older.
262
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,981
And whiter, too.
- Well, she breaks barriers.
263
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:27,985
So they have you setting up
the bar and all the food?
264
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,421
- Man, this company
is so cheap,
265
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,380
they never send
enough people.
266
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:34,209
But, hey, at least they pay us
a whopping 9 bucks an hour.
267
00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:36,298
- 9 bucks?
That's--wow!
268
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:39,127
[stammers]
Hey, you know, I actually work
269
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,303
with an organization
that can help you.
270
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:44,132
Here, take my card.
There's a link to the web--
271
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,307
- Man, I don't want to join
another cult.
272
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,657
- Oh, no, no, no.
I'm with Raise the Wage.
273
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:51,008
You deserve better than this.
Look us up.
274
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,445
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
275
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:56,927
So do I give off, like,
a cult leader vibe?
276
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,582
- I didn't say leader.
277
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:00,670
- Ah.
278
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,455
- You took over a wedding.
279
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,196
This is the Amy-est thing
I've ever seen.
280
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,807
- I don't want to be
doing this.
281
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:07,808
I'm just trying
to make this
282
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,200
the best day
of their dumb lives.
283
00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:11,028
- Tell me how to help.
- Now you want to help,
284
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,508
when we're almost done?
285
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,770
Next time, figure out
how to help on your own.
286
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,555
I'm not going to help you help.
- You see?
287
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,165
She's like a 12-year-old
when I'm around.
288
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:18,296
- Oh, shut up, Eric.
289
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,428
I'm like this
all the time, idiot.
290
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,256
- [gasps]
- Oh, she's so mad.
291
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,127
This is my favorite.
292
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,826
I mean, Eric, stop.
Come on, she's my boss.
293
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:28,176
- [sighs]
294
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,830
- I think everyone
would understand
295
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,614
if you just went home.
296
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,834
- Trust me, when Sandra
and Jerry come out in their
297
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:36,576
western garb, you're all
going to look like fools.
298
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:40,188
- Dina, we should
get this thing started.
299
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:42,582
This place has
line dancing at 10:00,
300
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:45,976
and I'm not sure line dancers
take kindly to boat people.
301
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,543
- I haven't locked
everything down yet.
302
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,023
- Well, we're already
20 minutes behind.
303
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,199
- Yeah, we've got
to get things going.
304
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:54,202
- I'm telling you,
it isn't safe.
305
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:58,075
[mellow instrumentals]
306
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:05,692
♪
307
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,399
- Ohh...
308
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,539
- Jerry and Sandra
309
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,804
have requested
a non-religious ceremony,
310
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:33,720
so I'd just like say
that the following
311
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:36,592
is from a book
I highly recommend,
312
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,247
written by the greatest
and most powerful author
313
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:41,553
in history of the world,
so...
314
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:45,122
"Love is patient,
love is kind.
315
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,298
Love does not envy."
[electronic beeping]
316
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,344
- Bomb!
[beeping continues]
317
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:52,390
Everyone, stay calm,
even though there is a bomb!
318
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:53,435
- It's not a bomb,
not a bomb.
319
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,742
It-it's my ankle monitor.
I just--
320
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,613
I-I thought I charged it.
321
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,355
S-Sorry, everyone.
So sorry, sorry.
322
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:02,705
Sorry, sorry,
I-I'm just going to--
323
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,489
I--
Mazel.
324
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:13,803
- Oh, no.
- I know, so embarrassing.
325
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:14,761
- Yeah.
- Poor guy.
326
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:17,459
- Yeah.
327
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:22,464
- Never mind.
Go, Glenn, go.
328
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,335
- Yeah, well--
- Get back in.
329
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:27,425
- [stammers]
330
00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:30,559
Ah, okay, um--
Jesus Christ...
331
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,909
[stammers]
is not welcome here.
332
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,781
So, um...
333
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,783
[guests whispering]
334
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:41,744
So, something fun about
Jerry and Sandra is that
335
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,833
they have this
little tradition.
336
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:47,445
When one of them gets crabby,
they have to wear a T-shirt
337
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:48,838
with a crab on it.
338
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:53,843
But the only time
that Jerry ever put it on
339
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,715
was when Sandra left town.
340
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,934
audience: Aww.
- Aww, that's sweet.
341
00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:00,458
- I know, it's cute, isn't it?
It's a little insight
342
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,852
into who they are as people.
[laughs]
343
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,593
- [whispers]
What the [bleep], man?
344
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:07,204
.
345
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,859
- Dina, a bomb?
Really?
346
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,906
Nothing happened, okay?
Everything's fine.
347
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,604
So get it together and
give Sandra what she needs.
348
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:16,953
A lovely toast,
349
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,782
some assurance that she's
better than her sister,
350
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,697
and no drama.
351
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,700
- Yeah, I got it.
Sorry.
352
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,270
- Jonah, what are you doing?
353
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:32,490
- Just, uh, grabbing myself
some grub.
354
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:34,144
How about I grab you some
and meet you back over there
355
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:36,799
at the table?
- Um, doesn't catering
356
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:37,887
have people who can do this?
357
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,759
- Uh, yeah, they did.
358
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,978
Until a bunch of them
walked off.
359
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,066
They got really upset
about the pay.
360
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,372
You know,
these things bubble up,
361
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:46,330
no rhyme or reason--
- You too, man?
362
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:49,681
- I-I forgot how inspiring
I can be.
363
00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,814
- Justine, how are you
at cutting cake?
364
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:56,514
- Honestly, weird.
365
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:57,951
[beep]
366
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,518
- Hey.
- How's it going?
367
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:02,694
- The charging light
is acting up.
368
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,392
I called ICE to complain,
but, you know,
369
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:07,438
they're not really known
for their customer service.
370
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,005
So embarrassing.
371
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,442
- Whatever, it was exciting.
And now you're, like,
372
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:12,792
the story of the wedding.
373
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,750
- Yeah, it's fine.
Just juice that bad boy up,
374
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,970
and we'll get back out there.
375
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,319
- It takes two hours.
376
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,669
- What?
- You two should go.
377
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,192
I'm good.
378
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,151
I saw that Lasagna Bear
is trending on twitter,
379
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:27,850
so I definitely have to see
what that's all about.
380
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,940
- I'm going to hang out.
381
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:33,987
I like it in here.
382
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,640
- Cool, okay,
you two hang.
383
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,381
Because to me,
this room sucks.
384
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,557
I mean, compared to out there,
where the party is?
385
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:42,169
This is not close.
386
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:46,042
both: ♪ You're my weirdo
387
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:50,873
♪ I'm so happy
that you're here ♪
388
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:54,572
♪ We both belong here
389
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:59,882
♪ We both
belong here ♪
390
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:02,842
[applause]
391
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,194
- Hey, I just wanted
to say thank you.
392
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:10,545
Your anecdote really got me
back on track.
393
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:13,243
And it went over great.
I booked three more weddings.
394
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,766
- Hey, Glenn,
that's the only story I had.
395
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,551
That's all I know about them.
396
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,814
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I just--I panicked.
397
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,077
But you're going to be fine.
398
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,992
I remember you told me
something about
399
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:25,821
you and Jerry eating corn,
so maybe go with that.
400
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,257
- What?
We ate corn once.
401
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,607
- Well, don't just
blurt it out.
402
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:33,350
Come on, paint me a picture.
What time of day was it?
403
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:36,788
Was there butter? Hmm?
Was there salt?
404
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,486
[cell phone ringing]
405
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,227
- Marcus, I realize
you feel left out,
406
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:42,316
but you have to let the invited
move on with our lives.
407
00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:44,579
- No, I'm calling to see
if we have a spare key
408
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,929
to the printer ink case.
Elias can't find one,
409
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,061
and Carol's not answering
her walkie.
410
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:49,714
- Wait, really?
- Yeah.
411
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,282
No one knows where she is,
and it's a bad time, man.
412
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:53,936
We've got that
Saturday night ink rush.
413
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:54,937
[plate clatters]
414
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,244
- It's go time.
415
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,986
- So I don't have access
to the printer case,
416
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:03,467
but I can offer you
condoms or razors.
417
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,382
Take your pick.
418
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:08,690
- A lot of people assume
I'm the younger sister,
419
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,822
and I am.
It's pretty obvious.
420
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:13,173
[laughs]
Love you.
421
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,305
Remember to moisturize, okay?
422
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,960
And now, I'm going to
pass it on to the best man,
423
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:21,442
Jerry's best friend, Garrett.
[applause]
424
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:22,791
- Here we go.
425
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:25,794
So, uh,
426
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,667
one story that comes
to mind when I think of Jerry
427
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:33,410
is Jerry and I went to...
428
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,242
A rodeo.
429
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,288
Yeah, yeah, it's funny,
430
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,159
because we're
in a cowboy restaurant,
431
00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:45,901
but I would've told this story
either way.
432
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,859
Um, so we're
at the rodeo, right?
433
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:52,908
And we're watching these guys
ride the bucking broncos.
434
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:58,348
And Jerry leans over to me
and says...
435
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:02,091
"I can do that."
[laughter]
436
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,746
- Really?
- [laughs]
437
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:08,010
- It was so sad.
So sad.
438
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,926
- You sure I can't
get you a drink?
439
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,233
- No.
- Cranberry juice?
440
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:16,018
- What do I have,
a UTI?
441
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:20,588
Sorry.
Just go enjoy the wedding.
442
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,546
- That sounds like something
someone says but they don't
443
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:25,419
actually want you to do it.
- It's not like that, okay?
444
00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:28,117
There's no reason for both
of us to be stuck back here.
445
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:31,425
- You sure?
- Please, just go have fun!
446
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:34,994
- All right,
I'll be back in a few.
447
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:38,214
- [scoffs]
Rude.
448
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:41,435
- So we're flying, okay?
We're doing 80
449
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,350
down the freeway,
and the mob guys
450
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,918
are chasing us 'cause they had
money on the rodeo, all right?
451
00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:48,268
And I lean over to Jerry.
452
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,487
I go, "Jerry, what are you
getting me into here?"
453
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,794
And Jerry,
calm as a cucumber,
454
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:56,580
looks at me, tips down
his sunglasses, and goes,
455
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:58,060
"Welcome to my life."
456
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,280
[laughter]
457
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,760
- "Welcome to my life"!
- So, Sandra,
458
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,501
welcome to Jerry's life.
459
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:07,983
Let's all raise a glass
to many more adventures.
460
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,899
Congratulations.
all: Cheers.
461
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:13,075
- When did you get
sunglasses?
462
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,599
- I guess at a rodeo.
- All right, so next up,
463
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:19,951
we have the maid of honor.
Um, Dina?
464
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:22,084
Anyone?
5'9", brown hair,
465
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,825
shouted, "Bomb!"
during the ceremony?
466
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:27,437
- Damn it, Dina.
You had one job.
467
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:30,223
- Uh, okay.
468
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,921
Uh, so what else can I tell
you guys about Jerry?
469
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,880
Um, apparently
anything I want.
470
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:38,753
- Okay.
- Dina, come on, you--
471
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:41,538
[cat meows]
- What the hell?
472
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:44,237
.
473
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,065
- So your crisis of conscience
474
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,240
at the bachelorette?
- Totally fake.
475
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,632
I wanted you all
to let your guard down.
476
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:50,721
- I knew it! Yes!
But what are you doing now?
477
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:52,375
Are you gonna kill
Sandra's cat?
478
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:53,420
- Dina, she's not
gonna kill the--
479
00:17:53,463 --> 00:17:54,595
- I'm gonna kill
the cat.
480
00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:57,119
- [gasps]
- Oh, yes--two for two!
481
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,731
- "Oh, I'm marrying Jerry.
It's the best day of my life."
482
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:02,603
We'll see about that
when your cat explodes
483
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:03,734
on the dance floor.
484
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:05,693
- Wait, you're going
to blow up the cat?
485
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,782
- Okay, that was misleading.
I'm going to throw it
486
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,349
over the balcony,
and ideally,
487
00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:11,264
the impact
will make it explode.
488
00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,048
- Carol,
you can't do that!
489
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,702
- Yeah, that carrier's
way too sturdy.
490
00:18:14,745 --> 00:18:16,225
The cat will never explode.
- No, Dina.
491
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:17,966
I mean, like,
she shouldn't kill the cat.
492
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,490
- Yeah, and she won't, if she
throws it in that carrier.
493
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,536
- It could totally
die in here, Dina.
494
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:23,754
- It's a 15-foot drop.
495
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,452
These things are built
sturdy for travel.
496
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:26,975
It will absorb
all of the impact.
497
00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:28,281
- Dina, this really
isn't the point.
498
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:29,760
- This is a very good plan.
499
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,588
- It is a terrible plan.
500
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,373
The bottom's completely
rubberized. Look at it.
501
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,592
- No, it's not
completely--oh!
502
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,159
Oh!
- [yelps]
503
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,292
We got the cat back!
- [exhales]
504
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:42,643
We? You just stood there
with your wang in the wind!
505
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:43,905
["Dancing in the Moonlight"
playing]
506
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,820
- ♪ Such a fine
and natural sight ♪
507
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:50,041
♪ Everybody's dancing
in the moonlight ♪
508
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,957
- Tough night, huh?
509
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,264
- [laughs]
What are you talking about?
510
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:59,790
I love being stuck back here,
tied to this wall.
511
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,836
My little friend.
Plus, my phone died,
512
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:05,187
and Eric hasn't
been by in an hour, so...
513
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,667
- Yeah.
514
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:10,279
- He left, didn't he?
515
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:11,802
- I'm sorry.
516
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:14,501
- I don't blame him.
It's my fault.
517
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,067
I don't know
what I was thinking,
518
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:18,069
trying to get into
a normal relationship.
519
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:23,205
It was going so well, you know,
that I forgot about all this.
520
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,729
It's just too much to ask him
to deal with, you know?
521
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,688
- Well, I can stay
here with you,
522
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,733
and we can watch
Lasagna Bear on my phone.
523
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:30,865
- I watched it.
524
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,345
It's just a bear
eating a lasagna.
525
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:33,694
I don't know what
I was expecting.
526
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:36,175
- Yeah, the internet
has gotten so bad.
527
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,177
- Yeah, I think it's over.
528
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,482
- Sorry to interrupt,
529
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,703
but I was wondering
if you wanted to dance.
530
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,490
- The cat's not going
to last...[murmurs].
531
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:50,754
- Dina, where have you been?
I've been looking for you.
532
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,756
You missed your speech.
- Hey, Sandra.
533
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,932
Listen, I know Dina's
been all over the place.
534
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:58,371
But just trust me,
it was for a good reason.
535
00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:00,721
- Was it her?
536
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,679
Was it bad?
537
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,594
- Almost.
- Is it over?
538
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:07,162
- It's over.
539
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,424
Oh.
540
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:09,904
- Aww.
541
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:11,906
- Amy, this is
kind of a private moment.
542
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,561
- Yeah.
543
00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,432
- Hey, there you are,
I was looking for you.
544
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:17,433
Everything okay?
545
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:18,739
- Yup, cat's fine.
546
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:21,002
- Oh, wow. Now we're talking.
- [sighs]
547
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,830
- Oh, that was
actually for m-me.
548
00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,266
If you want, I can--
- Yes, bar.
549
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,398
- Got it.
550
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:26,921
[Pink's "Raise Your Glass"
playing]
551
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,575
- ♪ So raise your glass
if you are wrong ♪
552
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,403
♪ In all the right ways
553
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:32,927
♪ All my underdogs
554
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,363
♪ We will never be,
never be ♪
555
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:36,278
♪ Anything but loud
556
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:40,413
♪ And nitty gritty,
dirty little freaks ♪
557
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:43,154
[Khalid's "Talk" playing]
558
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:46,245
- This is really awkward,
but I have to fire you
559
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:49,073
from Sandra's wedding.
- Oh, man.
560
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:50,901
I get zero perks
for dating the boss.
561
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,555
- Mmm.
[gasps]
562
00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:55,428
- What?
563
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:58,169
[laughs]
564
00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:01,434
- You sure you want all this?
I hate doing this to you.
565
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,914
- This is not something
you're doing to me.
566
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:07,440
This is something
we're doing to each other.
567
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:09,616
- I like being married to you.
568
00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:12,749
- Yeah, I'm having
a really good time.
569
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:15,186
- ♪ Can we just talk?
570
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:17,406
♪ Can we just talk?
571
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:20,148
♪ Talk about
where we're going ♪
572
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:23,238
- Oh, watch out for the cord.
- Oh, my God.
41449
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