All language subtitles for Schooled s02e12_English

LAINEY: Back in the '90s, our
clothes were what defined us,

but like most schools,
we had a dress code

the kids
were always violating,

like wearing jeans
that have been ripped

or straps that were spaghetti

or even tops
that had been tubed.

But there was no bigger
dress-code offender

than the funny
off-color T-shirts.

Hey!

Co-Ed Naked Baseball?
Is that some kind of joke?

Yeah, it's funny, right?
Not to me.

The lascivious implication
is an affront

to co-ed sports everywhere.

And you!
Get over here!

How dare you promote the sport
of co-ed naked soccer?

Lighten up, Coach.

They sell these
at Banana Republic.

Oh, I got mine
at Structure.

It's like The Gap,
but cooler,

because they got
Greco-Roman pillars.

It's a blatant violation
of the school's dress code,

and you know
what that means.

Sweet God, no, please.
Not the bin.

Oh, yes.
The bin.

Hey.
You know the rules.

Every student at this school
is required to dress...

BOTH:
Neat, clean, and appropriate.

And an untucked T-shirt

glorifying a butt-naked
sporting event is...

BOTH: Neither neat nor clean
nor appropriate.

Very good.
Now get out.

LAINEY: Yep,
Glascott was on a mission

to make sure every student
followed the rules.

Uh, excuse me.
That skirt is in clear
violation of the dress co...

Oh. You're not a student.
You're a Lainey.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you?

Come on, the dress code
clearly states

that no skirt
should be shorter
than your fingertips

when your arms
are down by your sides.

I know that, and I'm good.
See?

All the way down.

This is where they naturally
land. I'm sorry.

I want your arms
down by your sides

like a sloth,
right now.

I want sloth arms.

And...violation.

The dress code shouldn't
even apply to me,
John. I'm a teacher.

Exactly. If anyone should obey
the rules, it's you.

I'm sorry, but we got to
take a trip to the bin.

Listen to me.

I will never, ever wear

a dank, oversized shirt
from the bin,

so help me God.

* One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

* Live your life
and finally be free

* Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY:
It was January 22nd,
1990-something,

and Coach Mellor and
his girlfriend, Nurse Julie,

were enjoying
their morning ritual.

One cup of "Good Morning
America" for my lady.

Two lumps of sugar
and a dash of milk,

just like
the good Lord intended.

What would I do
without you, Rick?

You would eat a lot less
root vegetables, Nurse Julie.

Aww.

You guys are weird.
MELLOR: But professional!

You see, normally, I would
give her a kiss goodbye,

but this is
a place of business,

so I'm going to
send her off

with an appropriate
farewell canoodle.

Mm!

Mm.
Mm. (GIGGLES)

For the record,

canoodling is a thousand times
more disturbing than a kiss.

Not for the canoodl-ees,
Ms. Howell.

There truly is no feeling
like mashing faces

with the one you love.

Whoa! Wait, love?
You dropped the L-bomb?

Oh, God, no.
I love Julie too much

to actually let her know
I love her.

You see, every time I tell
a lady friend I love her,

it ends in disaster.

I either say it too early
or I say it at the wrong time.

I even said it
to an answering machine.

That did not help me
in court.

So, you're never gonna tell
Julie you love her?

Not with my mouth
and words.

But this weekend,
I am giving her

the perfect
six-month anniversary gift

that says "I love you" without
actually having to say it.

Ooh. Whatcha thinking?

I've narrowed it down
to a few romantic gems

that speak to what's really
deep down in my heart.

Blue lady shorts?

Like mine, but for a lady,
because I love her.

You know what gift
really says "I love you"?

What? Tell me.
Actually saying
"I love you"!

Oh, you do that well.
Maybe you could
tell her I love her.

No!
Well, someone
has to tell her.

Wait, that's it.

Every time
I go see my fam,

I always tell them
how much I love Julie.

They will definitely
spill the beans when
they finally meet her.

Introducing her to the family?
Wow. That's big.

Huge.

It's time Julie meets

the most important people
in my life.

Julie, I want you to meet
my football family!

ALL: Julie!

Wait, we're...
We're not meeting
your actual family?

God, no. I wouldn't
waste a Sunday talking
with those crazy people.

This right here is
my real support in life.

We've all had
season tickets forever.

Meet Fishtown Frankie,
One Yard Jack.

We got Willy wit' Whiz,

and we got
Willy wit' out Whiz.

Get ready for the most
exciting six-and-a-half hours
of your life!

Wait.
How long is this game?

Are you hungry?

The Vet's got
the best soft pretzels
in all of Philly.

You can have my end nub
if you want.

It's the best part.

No, thank you,
Fishtown Frankie.

Boy, you were right
about this one, Ricky.

She's polite and pretty.

Tell her what else I said,
like how she makes me feel.

I think it's obvious.
He's head-over-heels in...

ALL: Oh!

Damn it!

LAINEY:
As Coach's plan got delayed,

Glascott arrived
with urgent news.

Shut up, everyone!
We got a legitimate
emergency on our hands!

What happened?
Oh, my God.

Is everyone okay?

It's a dress-code emergency!

Why would you do that?
Damn you!

You are the devil, John!

We've got school tours
all this week,

and Earl Ball said
to crack down
o3n the dress code,

so I've sent so many kids
to the bin

that I've run out
of triple XL muumuus!

How many naked
co-ed sports are there?
58.

Co-ed naked sports
was just the beginning.

They keep pushing the limits

to what inappropriate pun
they can print on a T-shirt.

Like this.
LIZ: Oh, God.

Is that worm coming out of
the bucket supposed to be a...

That's right, Elizabeth.
It's a dong.

Mm.
Can you believe it?

A dong!
Ha!

Okay, we need to amend
the school dress code ASAP.

We're talking no clothing
with any kind of sports logos

or band names
or cartoon characters.

Sorry,
but no exceptions, CB.

From now on,
you wear regular ties only.

But these hilarious ties
are what makes me me, okay?

I wear my heart
on my sleeve on my tie.

Look, clothes are how people
express themselves,

kinda like how my
super-cute Pearl Jam tee

says I'm cool as balls.

If I allow your band,

then I have to allow
bands like this.

Butthole Surfers?
That can't be real.

And popular.

To be safe,
no more band names.

Sorry, Johnny. Rush included.
Take that T-shirt off.

You got it, boss man.

Shirt back on!
Shirt back on!

Look, you can't just ban
entire groups of clothing.

We just got to clearly define
exactly what clothes

are neat, clean,
and appropriate
and which aren't.

Well, then,
let me define it.

Marvin the Martian
is hereby acceptable.

There's a lot at stake here,
so I think

it should be headed up
by someone with style.

You're right.
I'll do it.

I was talking about me,
Liz.

I thought
you said style.

ALL: Oh!

Look at you,
doing the wave like a natural.

Is this great or what?

Listen, you would agree

that we have a strong
relationship, right?

I'd say
it's more than strong.

I'd say our relationship
is jacked.

So, it won't matter
if I admit

that I'm not actually
an Eagles fan?

If you're not an Eagles fan,
then w-w-what's your team?

Bucs? Bears? Bills?

Sweet Mother of Mercy,
do not say Cowboys.

No, you're not
getting it, Rick.

I-I don't have a team because
I don't like football.

What do you like?
Baseball? Basketball?

No.
Squash?

Stop naming sports. It's...
It's just not my thing.

Since when? We watched
all those games together.

Because
we just started dating.

But like you said,
our relationship is jacked,

so it shouldn't
change anything, right?

ALL: Whoa!

Epic game yesterday.

How'd it go with Julie?
Anyone drop the L-bomb?

No. No L-bombs.

But, uh, she did manage to
blow up my entire world.

Turns out she was only
pretending to like the Eagles.

So? It's all good,
as long as she's not
a whack-ass Cowboys fan.

Is she a Cowboys fan?

She doesn't like
any teams 'cause she
doesn't like football.

So, she likes baseball?
Nope.

Volleyball?
She doesn't like sports!

What?
Is she some kinda maniac?

Hey,
that's the love of my life
you're talking about!

But yes,
she may be a maniac!

I mean,
I can't believe this.

I always thought
I'd end up

with a female version
of myself.

A female Mellor.

A FeMellor.

But I guess not.

I'm so sorry, Rick.

GLASCOTT: All right, Liz,
what kind of clothing

do you find neat, clean,
and appropriate?

Well, for girls, clearly,
a stylish pantsuit

and a funky
tortoise-shell barrette.

Wow.
Good stuff, Liz.

And for the boys?

I'd like to enter
into the record

a 10-page report
that I wrote.

It's called
"My Ties, My Choice:

An Argument
Against the Dress Code."

I can't wait
not to read that.

I'm gonna ignore you entirely
and say the boys should wear

cool khakis,
a crisp button-down,

and a matching sweater vest.

Fine choices, John.
Are you two kidding me?

You're just writing down
exactly what you're wearing.

Because what we wear
is neat, clean,
and appropriate.

You know, how a teacher
should dress.

Are you saying
I don't dress
like a teacher?

(CHUCKLING) No, no,
she's not saying that.

That's exactly
what I'm saying.

Look, she's wearing
a swimsuit and flip-flops.

For your information,
I got this top at Express,

in the "Look Hot at Work"
section.

And these are Steve Madden
fashion-forward work sandals.

They don't flip or flop.
Oh, please.

You've been flipping
and flopping around here
all week, girl.

Yes, I have noticed
multiple flips and flops

when you walk in those.

LAINEY: Okay.
I'll prove it.

(SMACKS)
Boom!

There it was!
A flip, followed by a flop.

I personally did not hear
the flip,
but a flop was heard.

Okay, fine. My cute shoes
occasionally flop,

and I don't dress
like a teacher,

and thank God,
because I would
never, ever

want to be caught
looking like her.

And why would that
be a problem?

You look like
Paula Poundstone's
unfunny aunt.

How dare you insult

Paula Poundstone's
sensible comedic wardrobe.

Back me up here, CB!

I have no opinion
on pantsuits,

but when will people
hear me out on the ties?

Okay, this is
starting to feel
a tad counterproductive.

I'm just saying, we
shouldn't force the students

to dress like something
Janet Reno farted out.

Likewise, the students
shouldn't dress

like the grizzled,
non-speaking extras

who worked the street corners
in Pretty Woman!

Now it's gone from
counterproductive
to deeply personal.

Nothing personal.

I'm just saying Liz wears
clothes that look like butt.

I am a strong,
independent woman, okay?

(VOICE BREAKING)
So, I could care less
about what you think,

'cause you are the butt.

Are you crying?

These are tears of strength,
because we win.

Your street-trash clothes are
off the list, Pretty Woman!

(VOICE BREAKING)
Well, I'm flattered
you think I look like

America's sweetheart
Julia Roberts.

And you're very mean.

Okay, well, you hurt my
feelings, so you are the mean!

[ BOTH SOB ]

So, where did we land
on the ties?

LAINEY: After Mellor found out
the love of his life
didn't love sports,

Wilma found herself
stuck in the middle.

Okay, fine!
I-I don't like sports.

Why is that
such a big deal?

For guys like Mellor,
sports are a lifestyle,

and if you're not on board,

then you're destined to be
a sad sports widow.

Sports wha?
Widow.

Someone who loses
their significant other

to football every Sunday
and Monday night.

I can deal with that.

And every
S4aturday night is out
'cause of college football.

Same with Friday night,
when Rick coaches here.

So, the entire fall
is a wash,

but we'll...
We'll make it up
in winter.

That's basketball
and hockey season.

And then comes baseball
in the spring and summer,

which circles right back
into football.

Oh, God.
I'm gonna be
a sports widow.

Hey! Got you your morning
cup of joe already.

Rick, we...
We need to talk

about this whole
sports-widow thing.

No, wait.
Julie, me first.
[ CUP CLANKS ]

There's something
I want to say to you.

I love...

LAINEY: This was it.
He was gonna
finally drop the L-bomb.

...football.

Or not.

And I think you're
really nice, too.

So nice that this Sunday,
it'll be just you and me.

Screw the game.

It's Eagles vs. Giants.

Stupid Giants
and their big-city attitudes.

"Oh, I'm from
New York City!

"Let's hail a cab
and eat awesome pizza!"

I hate them!

Just watch the game
on Sunday.

I already have plans
to go to Lilith Fair.

Lilith Fair?
Why didn't you tell me?

That's my favorite
of all fairs.

Really? Like, you'd want
to go with me?

Yes!

See? We can live a happy,
normal, non-sports life.

Aw!
Rawr.

Do you have any idea
what Lilith Fair is?

I assume it's a celebration

of television and Broadway
superstar Bebe Neuwirth.

Lilith from "Cheers"?
Really?

Well, she's the only
famous Lilith there is.

You should have just said
"I love you"!

Please, teach me
everything there is to know

about this Lilith
and her fair.

There is no Lilith!

But fine.

LAINEY: As Coach set out
to prove his love,

CB and I were proving
a point of our own.

We'd show Liz and Glascott
we could obey the dress code

by dressing exactly like them.

Mmm! I smell a fresh pot
of French Roast.

Yeah.
I would love a mug.

Uh, what are
you guys doing?

Nothing.
Same ol'.

You're dressed exactly
like us.

All I'm doing
is obeying the dress code

with this boxy,
shapeless pantsuit.

Yeah,
and I'm just being me,

wearing this tasteful
sweater vest
sans whimsical tie.

(CHUCKLES)
Oh, God, who have I become?

Okay, exactly what is
the point here?

Point is, with you two
in charge of the dress code,

we'll all just be button-down,
frumpish goofuses.

Well, I, for one, think
you look fantastic.

Yeah. CB, I'm loving
this new look on you.

Is that...JCPenney?
'Cause it feels like...

Yep. JCPenney.
It is JCPenney.

I knew it. I'd spot their
fall collection anywhere!

Keep up
the good work, buddy.

No, don't praise us!

We're trying to look absurd
to prove a point.

Well, you've only proven
that I'm right.

I mean, if anything,
I should dress like you

to show you
how ridiculous you look.

Please, Liz.

You wish you could dress
half as fly as me.

(***)

You have no idea
what you've just done.

LAINEY: With that,
Liz wore the biggest
dress-code violation

the school had ever seen.

Needless to say,
she'd gone overboard.

Like, way overboard.

Holy God.

Oh, what? I'm just in
everyday teacher garb.

No different
from what you wear.

It's totally different!

You're wearing
the dress from Pretty Woman.

This skirt
is the same length

as some of those
fly get-ups

that you were
bragging about earlier,

proving my point
that you should
dress more like a teacher

because this is
not a good look.

I think we both know
I've won.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Oh, no!
What are you wearing?

Dear Lord, Liz!
With the people?

They see you,
but they lack the context!

I'll handle this, John.

Welcome,
prospective parents.

I'm Liz Fleming.

I teach geometry
and also girls' track.

Just go.
Okay, going.

Okay, listen up.

I've compiled a whole
lesson plan with everything

you need to know
about Lilith Fair.

Just teach me the basics
so I can show Julie

that I care about
her thing.

It all starts with this.

Indigo Girls?

Two childhood friends
named Amy and Emily

begin performing passionate,
fearless folk rock

that paves the way for artists
like Lisa Loeb, Jewel,

and that creepy sex zombie,
Fiona Apple.

Eh...
The most important song
you'll hear tomorrow

is Closer to Fine.

You need to know it
by heart.

Why?
What's the big deal?

It's every woman's
siren song.

The moment we hear it,
we have to drop

whatever we're doing
and sing along.

Ah, yeah.
Like Van Halen's Jump.

I'm in. Hit me.

Listen and learn.

[ SHAKER RATTLING ]

* I'm tryin' to tell you
somethin' 'bout my life

Oh, boy.

* Maybe give me insight
between black and white

What's going on right now?

* And the best thing
you've ever done for me

This is nothing
like Van Halen.

* Is to help me take my life
less seriously

[ GUITAR PLAYS ]
* It's only life, after all

Whoa!
Where'd you come from?

Heard the song,
so I'm here.

* Well, darkness has a hunger
that's insatiable

It's like you're both
hypnotized.

* And lightness has a call
that's hard to hear

I feel
very uncomfortable!

* I wrap my fear around me
like a blanket

Where do you
keep coming from?

* I sailed my ship of safety
'til I sank it

* I'm crawling on your shores

I (BLEEP) love this song!

* I went to the doctor

Go back to
the dress-code fiasco!

* ...to the mountains

* I looked
to the children... *

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

So, what do you think?

I think my relationship
is doomed.

* Closer I am to fine *

LAINEY:
As Coach and Julie
were on the outs,

we were in trouble
with Glascott.

Well,
I hope you're happy!

Instead of impressing
those parents,

we gave them
a math teacher

who was dressed like
a mistress of the night!

And even worse?
All those people saw me

wearing a plain old tie

obscured beneath
a drab sweater vest.

Earl Ball is so mad,

he decided to fix
this mess himself.

What does that guy know
about fashion?
Nothing.

He's making us go back
to the school's
original dress code,

which had
clear-cut guidelines.

Like, from when
the school began?
Yes!

But the school was founded
by William Penn in 1689.

Correct. Mr. Atkins,
Front Desk Martha.

If you please?

Sweet Wilford Brimley, no!

As you can see,
these clothes

are neat, clean,
and appropriate.

And also,
it's all your fault!

This is crazy.
Now I can't even
wear a regular tie

'cause ties haven't even
been invented yet?

Personally, I dig it.

What?
What?

Proceed.

Seriously?

You're gonna make everyone
dress like Quakers

just so I can't wear
a cute skirt and sandals?

Oh, my God.
They're flip-flops,
and you know it.

Face it.
You have had it out for me

ever since I
started working here.

Don't turn this around
on me.

Okay, my whole life,

I've been teased and mocked
by girls like you.

Girls like me?
Yeah.

Pretty girls
and stylish girls,

girls who knew how
to use a round brush.

Okay, the trick is sectioning
off the hair...

I don't want
to know, okay?

I'm never gonna know,
and that's fine.

I pride myself on being
strong and confident

and not caring
what people like you think.

(VOICE BREAKING)
But it turns out I do care.

All you do is judge me,
and it hurts.

You know
what really hurts?

When people like you
take one look at me

and just assume
I'm the popular mean girl.

I've worked really hard
to prove that's not who I am.

Oh, great.
They're making tears again.

It's fine.

Liz and I finally know where
we stand with each other.

This thick wool
does not breathe, dude.

Ooh! Yes.

Go stand over there.

(***)

LAINEY:
With his relationship
with Julie at stake,

Mellor realized he had to do

whatever it would take
to save it.

Let's get ready
to Lilith Fair!

Really, dude?
What?

What's with the giant hat?

Oh, this?
Uh... I-I don't know.

It just seemed like a...
hat kind of day.

Really?

So, you're not hiding
anything under there,

like maybe
a bulky radio headset

so you can secretly hear
the game?

Baby, I told you.
Today is about you.

Come on!

Let's...go.

Holding?

I'm gonna be holding you
all day at Lilith Fair.

I can see the antenna
sticking out of the top.

In my defense,
you weren't supposed to.

Enjoy the game, Rick.

Wait, no, hold on.

I-I'll take off my secret
football hat, okay?

We'll go to Lilith Fair.

I'm sure they have a bar there
with the game on.

Face it.
We just like different things,

and yours is all-consuming
and means everything to you.

No, you mean everything to me,
so much so that I actually

learned about your music,
and, honestly, it...

Kinda grows on you.

Stop.

You just want me to think
that you loved my thing

like how I wanted you to think
that I loved sports.

Honestly...
That's not what I want.

What you want
is your perfect FeMellor

to spend your life with.

And...

I'm just not sure
that that's me.

LAINEY: Coach needed
to prove her wrong,

so he turned to
his Lilith Fair knowledge

and sang the song
no woman could resist.

* I'm tryin' to tell you
somethin' 'bout my life

Holy crap.

* Maybe give me insight
between black and white

You learned this for me?

* And the best thing
you've ever done for me

(VOICE BREAKING) It's
off-key, but it's beautiful.

[ SHAKER RATTLING ]
* Well, darkness has a hunger
that's insatiable

I heard it, so I came.

* And lightness has a call
that's hard to hear

[ GUITAR PLAYS ]
* I wrap my fear around me
like a blanket

I heard it, too.

* I sailed my ship of safety
'til I sank it

* I'm crawling on your shores

* I went to the doctor

* I went to the mountains

This song trumps
my anger at Lainey.
* I looked to the children

I feel the same.

* I drank from the fountains

* And the less I seek
my source for some definitive

* Closer I am to fine

* Yeah *

I love you, Nurse Julie.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

I'm sorry
I never said it before,

but I was just afraid that
if I did, I'd lose you.

Why would you think that?

Because every time
I've said it in the past,

it always goes all wrong.

But not this time.

'Cause...
I feel the same way.

Yes!

Please go.

Hell no.
I'm part of this.

Look, i-it's amazing that
we can finally say it,

but it doesn't change the fact
that I don't do sports.

And I'm not asking you to,

'cause as much as I love
my teams...

I love you more.

I love you, too,
Rick Mellor.

INDIGO GIRLS:
* Closer I am to fine, yeah

* Closer I am to fine, yeah

I gotta say,
even though we're fighting,

we still sing some
pretty kick-ass harmonies.

Damn you, Indigo Girls.

You can bring together even
the worst of enemies.

Liz, I don't want to be
your enemy.

I want to be your friend.

Really?

Yes.

I'm sorry
I've been so judgy.

Same.

And even though
I hate to admit it,

I...I've always kind of wanted
a cool friend like you.

If you ask me, you're
brilliant and strong

and you know who you are.

There's...nothing cooler
than that.

Oh, my God.
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

Now, whattya say we save
this school from Quaker hell

and fix this dress code
once and for all?

* Well,
darkness has a hunger...

LAINEY:
And so the school finally
settled upon a dress code,

which was written up by me
and a close friend of mine.

Cute blazer.

(CHUCKLES)
Cute flip-flops.

Oh, they're
Steve Madden work sandals.

LAINEY: We, of course,
made some tweaks
to what was appropriate.

Whoo!

[ LAUGHING ] Yeah!

I am me again!

Thank you!

LAINEY: Sometimes in life,

the people we're closest to
can surprise us.

(VOICE BREAKING) Damn it.
Now I'm making tears.

LAINEY: We see them
a certain way for so long

that when they reveal
a different side
of themselves,

it can be tough to accept,

But when you love someone,

you'll do anything
to be with them,

even if it means having
to make a few compromises.

'Cause in the end, if you
set aside your differences,

you'll see that person
for who they really are,

and you just might find
it makes you closer than ever.

* Closer I am to fine, yeah *

(***)

[ DINGS ]

As always, here is
your cup of coffee.

Two lumps of sugar,
a dash of milk,

just the way you like it.

At least you told me
you like it that way.

Maybe you were...
just being nice?

I-I can put
three lumps of sugar.

Or four lumps, five lumps.
I can keep lumping.

It... It's just
a cup of coffee.

Although, i-it feels
like a good time

to let you know
that I actually prefer tea.

Ha! If it's tea you want,
Rick Mellor will tea you up.

Okay. Ha.
I got Ginger.

Egyptian Licorice!

Chai.
Lapsang souchong.

Jasmine. Earl Grey?
Darjeeling.

Nightly Calm.
It's not nighttime, though.

100% pure oolong tea.

Japanese sencha.

Pure rooibos.

What do you like?
Tell me what you like.

Peppermint?

I have no peppermint.