Original subtitles

[easygoing music]

[soft music]

- [Todd] Okay, and how would you like this shipped?

Standard ground takes seven to 10 business days,

or if you need it tomorrow,

we can overnight it for an extra $20.

- [Man] Well, I don't need it tomorrow.

- [Todd] Well, I'm the supervisor here.

I can knock it down to 15 for you.

- [Man] Well, thanks, I'm tempted.

I'm so impatient.

- [Todd] Oh hey, for me,

instant gratification isn't soon enough.

[both laughing]

- [Man] All right, what the hell, ship it overnight.

- [Todd] No problem.

And if you have any other questions, call anytime.

My name is Todd Anderson. - Hey, thanks Todd.

- You're very welcome.

- Okay, so that's a go.

All right, fine, I'll do it.

[office chattering]

- I need you in my office.

- [Todd] Is this gonna take a while?

I just ordered from Thai Garden, and they're pretty fast.

- So you like spicy food?

That's interesting.

Close the door, please.

- Why is that interesting?

- Todd, we've decided to restructure order fulfillment.

- Restructure how?

- Offshore the whole department.

[Todd scoffing]

- That's a good one. - I'm not kidding.

Check out this spreadsheet.

Any American job that's done on the phone or online,

it's goin' overseas.

The savings are incredible.

- This is some kind of weird psychological test

you're pulling on me, right, Dave?

This is like a ritual hazing for the annual review?

- It's not quite time for your review, Todd.

You've been working here coming up on 4 1/2 years, not five.

- You can't outsource order fulfillment.

Half our catalog is patriotic knick-knacks.

If a factory worker from Wisconsin calls the 800 number

to buy this and gets a person in another country,

he's gonna flip out.

- That's where the accent training comes in.

- You expect me to walk in there and tell everyone

I'm sorry but your jobs have been outsourced?

- I'll do it.

[keyboards clacking]

- So I'm fired, too?

- No, not at all.

- But I manage fulfillment.

Now you don't need me here.

- You're right, we don't need you here.

We need you in India.

Someone's gotta train the new guy.

- And after that?

- We'll find something for you.

Company's growing.

- We'll find something for you.

- 'Course, you're free to quit.

But you haven't vested your stock options yet.

Quit now and you give it up.

Plus your pension and medical,

and you'll be out there in a bad job market

with no unemployment benefits.

Ask these guys in about 20 minutes.

- No.

No, no way.

No, I'm not going to India to train my own replacement.

- All you need to do is visit the call center,

improve their minutes per incident,

and make sure the new guy is up to speed.

- What does this new guy get paid?

- Half a million

rupees.

[laughing] That's $11,000 a year to do your job.

And it's eight heads for the price of one.

What are you gonna do?

Come on, just get their MPI down to six.

- No, I'm not going.

- It's just a short trip, and you like spicy food.

- Dave, I'm not going to India.

[jet roaring] [hectic music]

[crowd clamoring]

[whistle blowing]

[speaking in foreign language]

- [Todd] No, I'm good.

Thanks, no.

I'm meeting someone.

I need to get to the train station.

Hi, can you take me to the train station?

Oh, great.

Oh, crap.

No, sir, sorry, I wanted a taxi.

I want a taxi. - No problem.

[engine starting] - Okay, sorry.

Thanks.

Let me just grab my bag.

Thanks.

Ow, jeez!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

No, no, stop, stop, stop!

[men clamoring] Go, go, go!

[bright music]

[singing in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

[bell dinging] - Hi.

You are liking it, yes?

- Uh, it's interesting.

- It's the best country.

- Uh-huh. - No problem.

- Um. - Hey!

No problem, you just jump! - What?

- You jump!

You must jump, sir!

- There's no room! - Jump!

You must jump!

Jump!

Jump!

Bye!

[horn blaring]

- [Man] Platform 8.

The next train will leave Gharapuri Station

from Platform 1 at 5:53.

[soft music]

- I'll take one of those.

[speaking in foreign language]

- No change, no change.

Impossible, no change. - Oh, that's okay.

I'm dying of thirst.

Keep the change.

Yeah, it's fine. [speaking in foreign language]

[wheel grinding]

- Hey, hey, come on.

- Are you Mr. Toad?

- Mm, yes.

No.

I'm Todd, Todd Anderson, Western Novelty.

- I sent a car, but you were not there.

- I didn't see it.

I had to take one of those taxi go kart thingies.

- So sorry for the confusion.

I'm so very pleased to meet you, Mr. Toad.

I am Purohit N. Virajnarianan, but you can call me Puro.

- Poro? - Puro.

Come, I'll take you to your hotel.

Please come, please come.

- Sir!

[speaking in foreign language]

Please come back, I am here!

I am waiting for you!

Good night, good night!

Good morning!

[speaking in foreign language]

[engine starting] [crowd clamoring]

[cows mooing] [horn honking]

- Do you like India?

- Bombay was a little crazy.

But Gharapuri looks different.

I don't know, cleaner.

- Bombay is terrible.

Terrible.

Gharapuri is very clean.

[urine splashing]

Do you have a business card, Mr. Toad?

- Yeah, Todd, you can just call me Todd.

That's fine.

- Okay.

Executive Vice President of Marketing and Order Fulfillment.

Very impressive.

- It's not as impressive as it sounds.

What I really do is sell kitsch to rednecks.

And now I have to train some other schmuck to do it.

[horn honking]

- [Puro] May I ask a question?

- Yeah, go ahead.

- Would you kindly be telling me what is kitsch

and what is redneck and what is schmuck?

- Uh, uh, kitsch is garbage that people buy.

And redneck basically means farmer.

- Farmer.

And schmuck?

- Uh, that means like a nice guy.

So you're the person I'm here to train?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that.

- I'm so very fortunate to be learning

the ways of American business from you, Mr. Toad.

- Todd.

Please, just call me Todd.

- Your first trip to India?

- Yes.

Some foreigners who come here do not experience it well.

But I can tell, you are of a different breed.

A very good traveler,

strong and ready for anything and everything [laughing].

- That's very kind of you.

Why do you say that?

- Most foreigners cannot eat gulab

without becoming very ill.

- How far to the hotel?

- Your reservation is for the Gharapuri Palace Hotel.

But that place is very lonely.

I'll take you to Aunti Ji's guesthouse.

She will take care of you better than your own real mother.

- No, actually, I think I'd like to just go to my hotel.

I'm tired, I've been traveling

for days. - Please, Mr. Toad, I insist.

We go to Aunti Ji's.

She has a very good garden, most excellent Indian cook,

very hygienic.

You'll not be lonely there, I am telling you.

- Okay, fine, I'll check it out.

Just make it quick.

- You're a schmuck [laughing].

[horn honking] [bright music]

There.

This way, please come. [bell dinging]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome.

You must be exhausted, all the way from Bombay.

- Oh, no, we're just here to look.

Whoa, that's okay.

- Look, look, I have some snacks and tea freshly made,

waiting for you only [laughing].

What is your good name, please?

- My good name? - Uh-huh.

- He is Mr. Toad, Aunti Ji.

Fresh from America.

- Oh, Mr. Toad, how sweet!

Come in, please.

Come in!

- Come in, come in.

- [Todd] No thanks.

- So, Mr. Toad, what does your father do?

What is your salary?

Are you married?

- No, I'm not married.

- Ah. you have a girlfriend, hmm?

- Uh, I did, but we broke up a couple of months ago.

- Why break up?

You should be married.

Huh? - Um,

she wanted to start a family and I wasn't quite ready yet.

- Not yet?

My god, you are old enough to be a grandfather!

What are you waiting for, huh?

Uh, just eat.

Very nice, fresh.

[upbeat music]

- That's good.

[throat clearing]

What?

- Sir, you should not place the hand

that has been in your mouth back in the food.

And uh, you should not eat with your left hand.

In India, we eat with the right hand.

- Right.

- Left hand is considered to be, uh, unclean.

- Unclean, unclean, yes.

- Why?

- Why, uh. - Why?

- Okay.

[bells tinkling]

Thank you.

That's great.

Okay, that's good.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[speaking in foreign language]

[dramatic music]

- [Puro] We work from six in the evening

to six in the morning.

Daytime in America.

- [Todd] Doesn't that screw up your sleep patterns?

- [Puro] No, no, no, no.

We are accustomed to the problems by now.

Is it true that when I'm manager,

I'm going to earn 500,000 rupees a year?

- If that's what they told you.

- Because of my future salary,

I am now engaged to Bagshi Sasipuli.

- Baggy who?

Watch the,

oh, she's cute.

- She is more beautiful than [speaking in foreign language].

I've loved her all my life.

I could never think of marrying her

until Western Novelty hired me for 500,000 rupees.

[horn honking]

- [Todd] Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

This is it?

- There is no office to rent in Gharapuri,

so we had to build one.

Because of outsourcing, all the real estate in Bombay,

Madras, Bangor, even Gharapuri, is taken.

So we had to build one.

Please come.

[crowd clamoring]

Please, this way.

This here is the supervisor's booth.

- [Man] Mr. Puro, please.

Mr. Puro. - And here

we have the agents' cubicles.

They're working very hard.

- [Man] Mr. Puro, excuse me.

- It's okay.

And because of America, we have different times zones.

Seattle, New York, Chicago, and India, also.

- Puro, what is that?

- Oh.

Oh, this.

This is our MPI monitor, minutes per incident.

This is gonna go up on the wall.

This is the average time our agent

takes to solve the call-in.

[cow mooing]

What?

Oh, ha ha ha!

Oh, that, that's just a cow.

It must have wandered in.

One minute.

[speaking in foreign language]

Don't worry, Mr. Todd, we are fully operational.

We have the state-of-the-art computers,

digital phone lines, optical mouses, everything.

[speaking in foreign language]

Mr. Toad, are you okay?

- Just kind of a cramp.

- The gulab.

- Oh, God. [somber music]

- One rupee, one rupee.

- Not a good time. - One rupee.

- Tomorrow. - Only one rupee.

- No, I don't have a rupee.

- Please, only one rupee.

- Is that all you can say?

- Hungry, only one rupee.

One, one.

- All right, all right, one rupee.

Now leave me alone, all right?

No, no, no, don't touch!

Hey! [boy screaming]

Hey!

[speaking in foreign language]

downstairs, bathroom, no problem.

[stomach rumbling]

[suspenseful music]

[door slamming]

- No toilet paper.

[Todd exhaling]

[soft music]

- Hello, everyone.

I'm Todd Anderson from Western Novelty,

and I'm here to help integrate you into our business.

Now, I gotta tell you, this center's numbers

are nowhere near what they should be,

and based on the customer complaints we've been having,

it's a culture thing.

Basically, you people need to learn about America.

Now, it's all about bringing down the MPI.

Things go faster if the customer feels

they're talking to a native English speaker.

- But we are native English speakers.

English is the official language of our government.

You got it from the British, and so did we.

We just speak it differently.

I mean, sometimes our pronunciation is better.

We say internet, and you say inner-net.

- Fair enough, but that's exactly my point.

I'm asking you to say inner-net.

Next time you're on a call,

try to listen carefully to the customer's pronunciation,

to their slang, small talk.

Try to learn from them.

Learn about America.

- Sir. - Yes?

You are?

- Manmeet.

- Man meat.

- Uh, no, Manmeet.

What I want to know is what is small talk?

- Oh.

You know, it's like, how ya doin' today?

How's the weather in Arizona?

You can talk about sports.

- [Man] Like cricket.

- All right nevermind, forget sports.

You want to sound American.

If anyone asks where you're located, just say Chicago.

All right?

Try that.

- [All] Chicago.

- Hmm, okay.

Uh, when you make the ah sound,

hold your nose to flatten the vowel, like Chi-cah-go.

- [All] Chi-cah-go.

[all laughing]

- That's great.

And if anyone asks how the weather is, just say windy.

- Yes, you are?

- Asha, sir.

Isn't that a little dishonest?

I mean, I'm not going to lie.

I'm not in Chi-cah-go, I'm in Gharapuri.

When I was hired to do this job,

I was told that I would be selling products

to a customer on a telephone.

I did not know we had to be deceptive.

- Well, a lot of Americans are upset about outsourcing.

- But, sir, most of the products

they're buying are made in China.

- Uh, okay, we're almost back.

We'll continue this tomorrow.

Thank you.

- It says made in China on the box.

It says so on the packet.

[bright music]

- [Todd] Ow.

Hey, stay away from me. [kids clamoring]

Don't get, don't touch me.

Don't get,

stay away from me.

I'm serious.

[throat clearing]

- [Aunti Ji] Good morning, Mr. Toad.

You've had a long night, huh?

But you are looking like you have no energy.

You must go to sleep.

- Oh, I will.

- What you eat, huh?

You're looking sick.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Oh, no, thank you, I can't.

- Mr. Toad,

you want to meet a nice Indian girl?

- No.

No, thank you.

I'm just really not interested.

- Um, are you homosexual?

- Excuse me?

- Um, you're liking boys, not Indian girl?

- No.

No.

[speaking in foreign language]

Oh, God, no, thank you.

Really, I can't eat a thing.

- You must eat!

You'll shrivel up into nothing.

Like the skin and bones only, ha.

- Maybe tomorrow.

I just, I need to get some air.

- Tomorrow?

[easygoing music]

- When is this glass coming?

- [Puro] It is coming presently, sir.

- Is the call volume always this low?

- This is low?

- Yes, they're obviously not routing all the calls here yet.

Why is the MPI so bad?

At twelve minutes per incident,

we're losing money on every call.

- Bad?

When I started, it was 15.

I brought it down to 12. - Puro, this place

is a disaster.

If we don't get it down to six,

I'll be stuck in India the rest of my life.

- We are getting the MPI down.

No problem.

- Don't say no problem when there is a problem.

If we don't get it down to six,

you'll never get your promotion,

and you'll never get to marry what's her face.

- Whose face, sir?

- Your girlfriend. Baggy swami, whatever her name is.

- Everyone, please go faster and faster.

Okay?

- Great.

Okay, what else?

Yes, Manmeet?

- I do not understand item H403.

- H403.

Ah, a lot of Americans wear these to sporting events.

- But why, sir?

- It's hard to explain.

We just do.

Yes?

- I don't understand the purpose of A221.

- A221.

That's a burger brand.

Americans eat a lot of beef,

and some people like to burn their initials into their food

with a red hot iron before they eat it.

- Why?

- It's a cattle brand.

You know, the thing you use to burn a symbol into a cow?

In America, that's how you keep track of your cows,

is branding.

- With a red hot iron?

- Yeah.

- But, uh, wouldn't the cow run away?

- Oh no, we only do it to baby cows,

when they're small enough to hold them down.

Yes, Asha?

- A suggestion, Mr. Todd.

- Go ahead.

- You need to learn about India.

[bell dinging]

- [Machine] Hey, it's Todd.

I'll be out of the country for a few days,

so leave me a message and I'll.

[phone dialing]

- [Machine Voice] You have no messages.

Are you still there?

You have no messages.

[soft music]

[bell ringing]

- [Woman] I told you it's my grandson's first day at school.

I want to get him some supplies,

but I'm not sure what kids need these days.

- [Manmeet] Perhaps some rubbers, ma'am?

- [Woman] What did you say?

- [Manmeet] I mean, if you have a pencil,

you need some rubbers, no?

- Okay.

Who can tell me what was wrong with this call?

It's not a rubber,

it's an eraser.

- No, sir, this is a rubber.

- No, it's an eraser.

A rubber means condom.

- Oh, you mean like a flat.

- No, they call it an apartment.

- No, a condom.

Birth control.

- Does it work?

[upbeat music]

- This is Dave. - Hi, Dave.

- [Dave] I just saw your numbers.

You do realize you're not on vacation over there?

- Yeah, like I would come here for a vacation.

- [Dave] Unless you plan on taking up residence,

you'd better get the ball rolling.

- Yeah, that's why I'm calling, actually.

An MPI in the sixes is not realistic.

- [Dave] I didn't say in the sixes, Todd.

I said get it down to six.

6:59 is not six, it's seven.

You need to get it down to 6.0.

- Are you kidding me?

We had a deal.

- [Dave] And our last Seattle agents go offline on Sunday.

Expect a bump in call volume.

- You know what a six means in this industry.

It means anything below a seven.

That's the definition.

- [Dave] Don't you read your contracts?

We said get it down to six, I'm holding you to six.

- Dave, you're a corporate slimeball.

- [Dave] Watch it, Todd.

Lose your stock options and you'll

be living in a cardboard box.

- Dave. - Gotta go.

[dialtone buzzing]

[phone slamming]

[upbeat music]

[horn honking]

[whistle blowing]

[engine starting]

[Todd coughing]

- Julie?

Hey, it's me.

Yeah.

Uh, how ya doin'?

I just wanted to check in and say hi.

Oh, nothing.

I just wanted to hear your voice.

I miss you.

Oh, I know.

I'm sorry, did I wake you?

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Is somebody there?

[dialtone buzzing]

- Hey.

[Todd screaming] [bike crashing]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Cheeseburger.

How much to take me to Bombay?

To, uh, Bagatsingh road.

Right now. - No, no, sir,

Bombay is too far.

Too much back road, it will damage my car.

It's impossible.

Okay, 6,000 rupees.

- Don't sweat it, I'm gonna expense it.

- Okay, sir, 5,000 rupees, not a rupee less.

- Whatever.

- Okay, sir, my children will starve, sir.

I will take you to Bombay for 4,000 rupees.

[bright music]

[horn honking]

- Hello, sir.

How may I help you, sir?

- Hi, I'd like two cheeseburgers,

large fries. - Oh sorry, sir,

but we don't have cheeseburger here, sir.

- What?

I thought this was McDonald's. - Oh, sorry sir.

This is Mac Donnells.

- Get the maharaja veggie burger.

It's as close as you're gonna get.

- I came all the way from Gharapuri for a cheeseburger.

- You know they have a real McDonald's in Gharapuri.

Still can't get a cheeseburger.

You know what India stands for, don't you?

I'll never do it again.

Did you hear about the guy who outsourced his own job?

- Mm mm. - He writes code

in San Francisco, makes 70 grand a year,

so he hires a guy in Bangalore to do his job for 12 grand.

His boss thinks he's telecommuting.

He's got so much free time,

he's thinking about getting another job just like it.

We've got Indian doctors reading American X-rays,

lawyers writing briefs.

I'm in customer service.

- Me, too.

- So how long you here for?

- I have to get my MPI down to a flat six.

- Not in India.

Unless you hired the accent neutrals away from me.

All you can hope for here is an eight.

- I can't go home till I get a six.

- Better find yourself a wife, then.

- She'd call me toad. - What?

- My name is Todd.

Everyone says toad.

- Listen, Todd, just a word of advice,

I remember feeling like you do.

I was resisting India.

Once I gave in, I did much better.

[window knocking]

- [Man] I don't understand

what's so difficult about this order.

[Maduri sobbing]

- [Woman] Go for the blue and I want to stay away

from the horizontal stripes.

- [Manmeet] And may I ask you, are you married,

miss? - Married?

No. - Oh, really?

- [Operator] Look, buddy, I assure you I'm in Chicago.

- [Man] Yeah, right.

- [Todd] Oh, God

Puro, where've you been?

Things are going crazy here.

I can't have you wandering off.

You're supposed to be coaching these people.

Maduri's having a nervous breakdown.

Manmeet hits on every woman who calls,

and where is the glass for this goddamn office?

- Very sorry, sir.

Very sorry.

The glass is coming presently.

- What's all this?

- For you, sir.

You don't look well.

This food helps with the stomach.

All filtered and clean.

Okay for you to eat, no problem.

- Puro.

- Yes, sir.

- I'm sorry.

Thank you.

[hectic music]

[ducks quacking]

[speaking in foreign language]

[foreboding music]

- [Puro] Mr. Toad, stop!

- Puro?

- I'm very sorry, I should've told you this earlier!

You should not wear good clothes on this day!

[dramatic music]

Watch out!

[balloon exploding]

- What the?

- I'm very sorry, Mr. Toad.

You should not have worn good clothes on the day of holy.

- Holy what?

- Just holy.

Celebration of color, changing of seasons.

I think we can cross that alley.

Don't worry.

I have this, I'll protect you.

Come with me.

Come, come, come.

[kids yelling]

Come, Mr. Toad, come!

[crowd yelling]

Oh, Mr. Toad, are you okay?

[boys laughing]

- Give me one of those.

- Here.

[balloon exploding] - Oh, that's a good shot!

- I used to play baseball in college.

- Like cricket, huh?

Very boring game.

- Give me another.

- Here.

[upbeat music]

[both laughing]

Happy holy!

Come, Mr. Toad.

- [Man] Happy holy.

[soft music]

- Any calls?

Need a pen?

Pick any one you want.

No, not all.

That's pretty good.

- Oh, my God, we must go, we are late.

- We can't go like this.

- No problem, I'll take care of it on the way.

Come quickly.

[hectic music]

- Sorry, somebody had to.

- No, thank you.

I'm sorry we're late.

It's holy.

- Sorry, and thank you, Asha.

- Thank you, sir.

- [Maduri] Yes, sir, thank you very much.

Thank you for shopping with Western Novelty.

- Uh, before everyone takes off,

I'd like to call a little meeting.

I want to apologize to all of you, and especially Asha.

She was right.

I need to learn about India.

- Sir, there's no need to. - No, no, wait, let me finish.

Please.

Our first mistake has been trying to run this

like an American office.

So I want to ask you how can we do things differently?

What would make your work day a more positive experience?

Yes, Sanji?

- Sir, may I bring in my family pictures for my desk?

- Yes, bring pictures of them all.

I want to see the whole family.

What else?

Krishna.

- Sir, may I bring murties for my desk?

- Murties?

Absolutely.

Whatever those are.

Anyone can bring whatever they want

to make their space their own,

as long as it doesn't get in the way of work.

Maduri.

- Uh, sir,

Puro said that, uh, we must only wear Western clothes

at the Western business.

- Wear whatever you want.

- Uh, yes.

Um, what is your good name?

- I'm Jahnissa.

Sir, would it be possible to get a discount

on Western Novelty products?

- Is there something in particular you were interested in?

- Sir, number D100, astrology placemats.

- You want those cheesy things?

I'm sure we could get you a set for free.

Uh, yes?

- What about the ceramic basket?

- Do you guys want this stuff?

You like what Western is selling?

- [All] Yeah.

- All right, all right.

Here's what we'll do.

I'll call the company and ask them to ship us

a collection of the most popular items in the catalog.

Whoever improves their MPI the most on a given day

can take their pick of the merchandise.

All right. [all applauding]

Great job today, everyone.

Thank you.

See you tomorrow. [bright music]

[cow mooing]

What's that? - Masala.

Rock salt, cumin, chili pepper.

Makes it better.

Ah!

Nice? - Oh, wow.

Uh, mm, mm-hmm.

Okay.

Ah.

- When I was young, holy was the favorite day of the year.

I used to await it eagerly.

- For me it was Halloween.

You know Halloween?

The costumes. - Oh, yeah.

- My mom used to make us these great homemade costumes.

It's funny. - Hmm?

- I keep thinking about my parents.

- You miss them, of course.

- When I'm home, I don't miss them at all.

- Because you see them. - Not much.

Hardly ever.

- You don't live with your parents?

- No.

[laughing] No.

No, they live in Yakima, which is about two hours away.

- But you see them every week?

- No, a few times a year.

- But why?

You're so close.

- I don't know.

- Some things I don't understand about American life.

You don't live with your parents?

Strange.

Another thing,

you hate your boss.

And you don't like this company.

Hmm?

Why not choose something else?

Hmm?

- I don't know how to explain it.

In my world, it just makes sense to work your ass off

and go into credit card debt

just so you can have that 50 inch plasma.

- You like the SDSI or digi black, which one?

- Um, they're both good.

[easygoing music]

[operators chattering]

- Todd, that's my family.

- That's impressive.

Asha, could you come here, please?

Okay, here's the deal.

You're the best we have,

and I've seen you giving advice to the others.

And after I leave,

Puro's gonna need an assistant manager.

Now, we have to get the MPI down to 6.0.

Can you help us?

- Of course.

- You think she can do it?

- I think Asha can do anything.

Congratulations on your promotion.

You only have to step in on a call

if someone's really in trouble.

Puro, you wanna get her started?

- Come.

You know about this?

- Yes, sir.

- [Manmeet] You're welcome, ma'am.

Anytime you call us on this number, ask for me.

My name is Manmeet.

Have a nice day, ma'am.

[phone ringing]

- Western Novelty, Gharapuri.

- [Dave] What the hell is wrong with you, Todd?

Are you trying to bankrupt us?

- What are you talking about, have you seen the MPI?

- [Dave] I'm talking about this request to ship

hundreds of our products to India.

The agents can see what they look like online.

They don't need to fondle them.

- Actually, they do.

It's an incentive.

They need to understand what they're selling.

- [Dave] So, promise them the stuff, all right?

Just say it got held up by a shipping delay.

It's customs.

You gotta think bottom line.

- I am.

That's why I want to introduce our products

to a potential new market of a billion people.

Are you there?

- I'll overnight it to you. [dialtone buzzing]

- It's working.

- Your incentive program is a very good idea, sir.

I'm learning so much from you.

- I just can't believe they're so excited

about this tacky stuff.

- Tacky?

What is tacky?

- Oh, uh tacky's like,

no, never mind.

Hey.

Now, I've noticed that almost everyone

has signed up for the incentive program except you.

Don't you want anything?

- What would I do with this?

I'm a vegetarian.

- Maybe it works with carrots.

- You Americans have more choices than anyone in the world.

Why would you choose this?

- Actually, I got mine in red.

[Asha laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Of all the town.

- Hello.

- You know how to, sorry.

- Of all the gin joints in all the towns

in all the world, she had to walk into mine.

- You know how to whistle, don't you?

Just put your lips together and blow.

- Shut up, just shut up!

You had me on hello.

- My mama always said life is like a box of chocolates.

- I have one word for you, plastics.

[dramatic music]

- Are you talking to me?

- No, okay see, now it's not are you talking to me,

it's you talkin' to me?

These are called reductions,

and Americans do them all the time.

Got to go becomes gotta go.

Would he becomes wouldhe.

Jam those words together.

Okay, try it again.

Maybe with a little more ferocity this time.

- You talking to me?

You talkin' to me!

- Wow, that was very nice.

I believe it. [audience applauding]

Okay, who else is ready to go?

- Now we have something for you.

- What?

- You will do a dance from an Indian movie.

You will be Salman Khan. [audience cheering]

- No, what?

- Go on, sir.

Dance, dance.

[bright music] - Come, sir.

[audience clapping]

- I can't do that.

- Condor, dance, don't let us down!

That's nice!

- You iron my underwear?

- Of course, doesn't your mother?

- Yeah, I'm not sure what she's referring to

because that product doesn't actually require batteries.

- Mr. Todd, Mr. Puro, we have a problem.

The shipment from Western Novelty

has gone to the wrong city.

- What, where did it go?

- They didn't write down the pin numbers,

so now they've sent the entire shipment

to the other Gharapuri.

- Oh, great.

There's another Gharapuri?

- Three hours' drive, maybe six, depending on traffic.

And you're going to have to take a ferry from there.

- It's an island?

And there just happens to be a 114 MG Road

in the other Gharapuri?

- Every town in India has MG Road.

It stands for Mahatma Gandhi.

He was the father of our nation.

- Right, okay.

Can you take care of this? - No problem.

But first I must sleep for two hours.

So that I can come back for the interviews

of the new agents.

And then I must make sure that my mother

gets to the hospital. - Never mind, I'll go.

If we lose the incentives, everything falls apart.

- But someone should go with you.

- If we leave now, we can be back before night.

- You want to go with him?

- I'm the future assistant manager.

Right?

[upbeat music]

- [Todd] I'm pretty sure there's a painting

of her in my room.

I feel like she's following me around.

- That's Kali, the goddess of destruction.

- Why would you want the goddess of destruction in your car?

- Sometimes destruction is a good thing.

She ends one cycle so a new one can begin.

Why don't you ask her for something?

- All right.

Destroy something for me so I'll understand.

[trunk slamming]

[Asha laughing]

[speaking in foreign language]

- We have to, um, get a ferry, and he will wait here for us.

Come.

[horn bellowing]

- [Todd] Oh my God, look.

Her hat, look at her hat.

That's our product.

Western item D334. - Yeah.

- Wow, I've never actually seen

one of our customers in the flesh before.

What's with all the tourists?

- Oh, some famous caves.

- [Todd] I don't think it feels like India anymore.

- I could do it, you know.

- Do what?

- Your accent.

If I had to, I could do it.

I'll take one of them cheesehead hats.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, madam, no problem.

We'll have your cheese hat.

What size did you wish to purchase?

- You're not one of them outsourcers, are you?

What's your name?

- Oh, my name is Larry.

May I kindly be having your credit card number?

- If you're an American, what's our national bird?

Oh, yeah, yeah, it is a big vulture with a white head.

- Let me speak to your supervisor.

- Certainly, sir.

Hello, I'm the supervisor.

How may I be helping you?

- You sound just like the other guy!

- Now sir, some of us do sound alike.

There are over one billion of us, you know.

[Asha laughing]

- That's terrible.

- [Todd] So bad.

[bright music]

Nice.

I guess we could let him keep his table.

But how do we get it back to the ferry?

What's that?

- [Asha] It's a temple.

- [Todd] A temple for what?

- [Asha] A Shiva Lingam.

- What's a Lingam?

- Well, you know.

The male part.

- Huh.

- Hey, Todd, Todd,

If you're going in, take off your shoes.

- It's the, uh, the male part?

- It's a symbol of creation.

- And the The female part?

- Yes, they go together.

- Mm.

- You see, Shiva was a very powerful god

and he grew tired of the cycle of life

and death and reincarnation,

so he decided to give up the pleasures of life,

and he smeared his body in ash.

- Ash?

- Yes, and he didn't eat or drink

or indulge in any physical pleasure,

and this created a terrible fire within him.

- Well, sure.

- And it transformed him into a blazing lingam

which threatened to destroy all creation.

And the other gods didn't know what to do,

so a yoni appeared, the symbol of the goddess.

And she absorbed this terrible heat,

restoring balance to the world

and saving the universe from destruction.

- Wow, close call.

- [Woman] Fresh mangoes.

Good mangoes.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Do you want a mango?

- Sure.

- Have you ever eaten a mango before?

- Mm-mm, first time.

This is great.

- Eat like this.

- [Man] Hello, sir.

You needing nice room?

- Need a room?

No, taking the ferry.

- The ferries?

Not happening.

I get you large room.

Very good price.

- The ferry's not happening?

- Yeah, ferry's blowing up.

Everyone will stay here.

I get you really nice room, sir.

- Right.

Ferry blowing up.

[crowd yelling] [fire crackling]

- Sir, I get you large room on island

for very special price.

Come on, sir.

- Good afternoon, sir.

Welcome.

- Afternoon.

Uh, I guess we'll take two standard rooms.

- No, sir, standard rooms.

I'm very sorry, sir.

- Two deluxe rooms.

- Oh, unfortunately, sir, the deluxe room's already taken.

We have only one room available, sir.

- The luxury suite?

- Oh no, luxury suite are not yet built, sir.

But we've only one room available,

and the foreigners are very happy, sir.

- Oh.

[soft music]

Okay, that's good.

[speaking in foreign language]

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, thank you, sir,

that's fine. - Just give him money.

- Uh, sir, that's, that's enough.

That's good. - Thank you.

- Okay, thank you, thanks for everything.

Well, this is incredibly awkward.

- [Asha] Why are you surprised?

- Oh, this is my fault?

- Of course it's your fault.

You asked Kali to destroy something!

It's not a joke,

she blew up the ferry and now we're stuck here!

You told me to.

You said sometimes destruction can be good.

- How can this be a good thing?

How can I tell my parents I spent the night with you

in the Kama Sutra Hotel?

- Well, I'm not gonna tell them.

- You're standing downstairs at reception desk,

sleazy guy, and he's saying this room is not available

and that room is not available.

And you just say oh.

Why didn't you say anything?

- Why didn't you say anything?

I don't know how this country works.

- I can't even talk to you

with that stupid mango all over your face.

- I don't have mango all over my face.

- It's all over your face.

- Is it? - Yeah!

- Did I get it? - No.

- Well, I can't see it. [Asha laughing]

Is it?

Help me out, I can't.

What about the deer in the hair?

- Look at the coupling with the swans.

- Wow.

Oh my God!

- No. - Monkey pulls the turnip.

No, that, that is impossible.

- Come on, let's try it.

- No. - Yeah yeah, let's try it.

- No! - What, you said

I should learn. - No!

- Wow.

Okay.

- Todd, no one must know about this.

It must be a secret.

We stayed in different rooms in different hotels,

and nothing happened. - Of course.

I understand.

[bright music]

[Todd screeching]

[singing in foreign language]

- Okay, listen to this.

Press that.

[whimsical music]

So now when I call you,

you will have your own official Bollywood ring tone.

It's part of your continuing education in India.

- Thanks.

Uh, well, have a good afternoon, Miss Asha.

- I'll see you at work, Mr. Toad.

[kids clamoring]

Hey, kid!

Yeah, that's for you, to draw, paint.

Yeah, sure, oh.

- Hello!

- Hey!

Hey, did you see that?

Unbelievable.

- [Asha] Mr. Todd, please go to line 15, we have a problem.

Hi.

- Hi.

Is this an empty line?

- Yes.

- Well, hello.

- Very nice to chat with you.

- You said there was a problem?

- Yes, sir, the problem is I have to sit

three feet away from you and I can't come any closer.

- Yes, that is a problem.

Perhaps we could solve that after work.

- I'm afraid that might not be possible.

But perhaps if we leave separately and go to the market,

we could meet there.

- Well, ma'am, I have to say your perfume

is driving me crazy.

Is there any way we could expedite this order?

- If I may correct you, sir, it is not perfume.

It is cardamom.

We live next to a spice merchant,

and he grinds cardamom all day.

It gets in all our clothes.

- I like it.

- I'm glad you like it, sir.

- You're lucky he doesn't sell garlic.

[Asha laughing]

- Yes I am, sir.

[soft music]

Hey, act normal.

My neighbor's wife is buying cabbages over there.

Come this way.

[speaking in foreign language]

I think we're okay now.

Don't touch me, not in public.

But I can help you down the stairs.

- Well, thank you. [Asha laughing]

- [Todd] The MPI's almost down to six.

I'll have to leave soon.

- [Asha] I know, Puro told me.

- [Todd] You ever think about living in the U.S.?

- [Asha] I would miss my parents, it would be too hard.

Have you ever thought of living here?

- [Todd] Here?

I would, but I I think I'd miss my hot dog toaster too much.

We're very close.

- [Asha] How close?

- [Todd] Oh, I can't really go into it.

- That's not a good thing.

- Hey, come in for some tea.

- No, I can't, not where you're staying.

People might talk, no?

- So what if they talk?

- I should be more careful.

I can't be seen with you speaking like this.

- Like how?

- Intensely.

- Oh, come on, you're a free woman.

Why can't you speak intensely if you want?

Why do you worry so much what people think?

- Because I'm engaged to be married.

- Engaged?

- [Asha] Yes.

- How long have you been engaged?

- Since I was four years old.

Our families have known each other for generations.

His name is Ashauk.

He has a very good job.

He's very polite.

We'll be married in July.

- Do you love him?

- Not yet.

- I can't believe this.

I just can't believe that someone as strong

and smart and as opinionated as you

would settle for an arranged marriage.

- I'll learn to love him.

- [Todd] What about your right to choose for yourself?

- My parents met each other on their wedding day.

They love each other.

- To me, that's crazy.

- Some people would say America's 50% divorce rate is crazy.

- Will you tell Ashauk about us?

- No, of course not.

No one must know.

- So what do you call this, what you and I are doing?

- Holiday in Goa.

- What?

- It's something my friends and I say.

A friend of mine, Prianka, she fell in love with a boy

one month before she had to get married.

He was a boy from her school.

So she told her parents she was under a lot of stress

and she had to go for a holiday in Goa alone.

So she and the boy went to the beach,

they had three weeks together,

then she came back and got married.

- Oh.

So I'm just your holiday in Goa?

- Not just.

My only holiday in Goa.

- [Todd] Sorry.

Sorry.

So where can we go to be alone?

- Shake my hand like a businessperson and go inside.

- Uh, it was a pleasure talking with you,

Miss? - Batwagaver.

[upbeat music]

- [Man] Hey.

Hey.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Hi.

Uh, I'm sorry, I don't know,

I don't have any.

[speaking in foreign language]

You want me to come over?

- Aha.

[speaking in foreign language]

[water splashing]

[men clamoring]

[soft music]

- Namaste.

- Namaste.

[bell ringing]

[electricity whirring]

[happy music]

[phone ringing]

- Hello.

- [Dave] It's Dave.

- Did you see our numbers?

- [Dave] No, I was traveling.

- Do you need me to go through them with you?

- [Dave] No, I need a ride.

- A ride?

- [Dave] I'm at the train station.

I just got here from Bombay, it was a damn nightmare.

Get over here and pick me up.

[dialtone buzzing]

- Wait one minute.

Dave.

What are you doing here?

- Surprise.

- Hello sir.

Hello, hi, you want cola?

I will make.

- [Dave] Looks like a storage unit.

- [Todd] You get what you pay for.

- What's with the music? - Probably a wedding.

Dave, why are you here?

- What kind of manager would I be if I didn't drop in

on the field operations every now and then?

- You don't trust me?

- Of course I trust you.

I just want to see it with my own eyes.

All I'm gettin' is a bunch of numbers, which look good.

Some might say too good for three weeks' work.

- You think I'm rigging the MPI?

- [Dave] Relax.

If I walk in and see two dozen people

generating an MPI in the sixes, I will be a happy man.

- [Todd] After you.

[water splashing]

[speaking in foreign language]

Puro, what the hell is this?

- It's the water coming from the farmer next door

because of the irrigation.

- Irrigation?

- That's when water is planted on the crops.

- I know what that means.

- [Puro] Water is coming from everywhere.

Nowhere to go.

A big problem, what to do?

We're down to 10 working stations.

[electricity crackling]

Now eight, oh my god.

- I am going to shred your passport.

- Relax, Dave, it's no problem.

- [Dave] No problem?

How can you say no problem?

What would a problem look like, Todd?

- It's no problem.

We're goin' up to the roof.

- The roof?

- People, we're going up to the roof.

We're gonna rewire this whole place in the next 20 minutes.

It's a nice night, it's dry up there,

we'll bring up the work stations,

run a new main power cable.

We're going back online upstairs.

- That's impossible.

- Maybe back in the states, it is.

Anil, get the car.

I'll be right back with a consultant.

- Consultant?

[hectic music]

[singing in foreign language]

- Puro, this is my neighbor.

He's gonna help with the rewiring.

- Okay.

- He'll show you.

- Consultant?

- Yeah.

[Todd whistling]

[electricity crackling]

[Windows music]

[all applauding]

See?

No problem.

- [Manmeet] Oh yes, I am sincere.

Look, I do not care what you look like.

You have such a lovely voice and personality.

- Manmeet, marriage proposal is not small talk.

- I think she's the one.

- Not tonight.

- But Todd, I'm in love.

- As long as she buys something every five minutes

and you clock it as a separate incident,

you can say whatever you want.

- [Manmeet] Thanks, Todd.

Elizabeth, wonderful news.

We can speak all night,

I mean all day.

- Yes, sir.

No, sir.

Maybe, sir.

Quick, quick, quick, it's a supervisor demand.

- Hey Gaurav.

Thanks.

Hello.

- [Man] You gotta be kidding me.

I'm buying a freaking American eagle from a company

that's supposed to be in America and I get India?

- I understand that you're upset, sir.

- [Man] No, you don't.

You don't understand.

Last month, I lost my job at the plant where I worked

for 22 years because the whole operation moved to Mexico.

My brother had to leave town because there are no jobs.

- I know how you feel, sir.

- [Man] No, you don't!

You have a job.

- Sir, please don't hang up.

I have a solution for you.

- What? - See, we understand

that many Americans are upset about outsourcing

so we have located American-made versions

of all our products.

If you have a pen, I will give you the website

of an American company that makes an eagle statue

very similar to ours, same size, same materials,

only theirs is made 100% in America.

- [Man] Well, thanks.

I appreciate it, but is the price about the same?

- No sir, theirs is $212 more.

- [Man] 212.

- Sir?

- [Man] Yeah, all right, just sell me yours.

- Thank you, sir.

May I have your credit card number?

[soft music]

- All right, let me check that with my supervisor.

Okay, this can be shipped overnight at no extra charge.

Anything else?

Okay, thank you for calling Western Novelty.

My name is Gaurav.

- [Todd] That's the day.

Well done, everyone.

Thank you.

By the way, we broke six.

Congratulations. [all applauding]

You guys are amazing.

I want to see you all at the Lotus.

Dave?

Hey, feelin' okay?

- Like I swallowed a live squirrel.

- Ah, don't worry, it'll only last a week.

Look, some of us are goin' over

to the Lotus Club and celebrate.

Why don't you come with us?

- What's the Lotus?

- It's like an after hours club for call center workers

who get off at 6:00 a.m.

Ya know what, it'll be fun, you wouldn't like it.

- I need to talk to you.

- We can talk tomorrow.

- No, you're right, there's another reason I came here.

I need to wipe our proprietary data off these hard drives

before we pull out of India.

- What are you talking about?

Don't tell me a cheap bastard like you

is gonna move fulfillment back to Seattle?

- No.

China.

We're running an existing call center there already.

They go online tomorrow.

China's the new India.

20 heads for the price of one.

What are ya gonna do?

[water splashing]

[rooster crowing]

[bright music]

[singing in foreign language]

[all applauding]

- Make a speech! - Speech!

- I do have something to say.

Unfortunately, it's bad news.

I just found out.

I don't know an easy way to do this.

Uh, Western Novelty has decided

to move order fulfillment to China.

All of your jobs have been outsourced.

Don't go to work tomorrow, it's over.

Mr. Dave is wiping the hard drives right now.

You get a month's severance pay.

That's it.

- That's not so bad.

We can go somewhere.

- Guys, announcement.

I am,

I am engaged to Elizabeth Watson of Orange, New Jersey!

[all cheering]

- I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I swear.

Why are they happy about this?

- They will be.

It doesn't matter.

We've trained them to a point

where they can get a job anywhere,

Microsoft, Dell, Office Tiger.

They will get a job in a week.

And with severance pay, they can have some fun.

- So you can get another job, too?

- Management is different.

I'm not young anymore.

If I'm lucky, I'll get a job.

But that might take a long time.

Bagshi's parents will hear this

and she will marry someone else.

- What's the hurry?

- Astrology.

Our moons are lined up.

Auspicious time.

She must marry this year.

And now, I don't have a job.

- I'm so sorry.

- I must leave India. - What?

Why?

- I will die if I see Bagshi walking

on the street with her new husband.

- If it's any consolation, I'm probably fired, too.

- I'm sorry.

You're a good boss.

- Asha.

Sorry.

- Oh, listen, I'm not concerned about the job.

I'm more concerned about my novel.

- Your what?

- I'm writing a book in between calls at work,

and I saved a copy on my hard drive.

I don't want Dave to erase it.

So can we go back and save it?

- Yeah, I guess we should.

- [Asha] I think we should go.

Immediately.

- What's this book of yours called?

- Holiday in Goa. [soft music]

- That was great, I almost believed you myself.

Maybe you should-- - Todd,

no time for small talk.

- Where can we go?

- Gaurav gave us the key to his place.

It's okay, he's a friend, I can trust him.

We can be alone together.

We have two hours.

[singing in foreign language]

- Okay, I have to ask you something.

What is that?

- [laughing] It's a bindi.

It's your third eye.

It's the eye with which you see the most important things.

Sometimes, two eyes aren't enough and they need help.

But you have already been my third eye.

- I have?

How?

- Well, my father is an assistant manager

in a phone company and my mother comes from a small village.

A girl in my position has her whole life

mapped out in front of her.

Everything I've done, I've had to fight for.

Asha, you can't go to university.

Asha, you can't work in a call center.

What would people say?

What you said,

it was the first time I'd ever heard anything like that.

- What did I say?

- Asha can do anything.

I always wanted to believe that,

but until you, I didn't think it was true.

- I hope Ashauk sees it.

- Well, he'd better, because if he doesn't,

then I'll leave him and I'll come to the U.S.

and take away your job.

- [Todd] I'm gonna miss you.

- You'll meet someone.

- [Todd] If I do, she won't smell like cardamom.

- Rub some on her and pretend she's me.

- [Todd] She won't have your eyes, either.

I wish I could meet someone exactly like you.

Well, almost exactly.

- Almost?

- Someone as beautiful as you and smart as you,

as funny.

- But?

- But who's not afraid to try monkey pulls the turnip.

[Asha laughing]

- Asha can do anything.

[romantic music]

- Hi, Toad, how are you?

- Good. - My friend Suta,

my guest Toad.

Toad.

- Okay.

- Guest, guest.

- [Dave] The data's uploaded.

This hardware's not worth shipping to China,

so we're just gonna leave it here.

If there's anything you want

other than that plasma I got that covered.

You can take it.

- Just do it, Dave.

Vest my options and let me go.

You don't need me anymore.

- We don't need you here.

We need you in Shanghai.

- You're insane.

- [Dave] Someone's gotta train the new guy.

We have been acquired by the largest

direct marketing firm in the United States.

Western is just gonna be a small part of this.

The new company is going to outsource

4,000 call center jobs.

We need a VP to manage it all.

I showed them your numbers, and they want you.

It's no joke, it's a great job.

You get all the benefits you had before,

plus that fat raise.

- I'm not goin' to China.

- And you get to keep the stock options

as opposed to losing them and being unemployed.

- No, thanks.

- Someone's headhunting you.

All right.

We'll beat their offer, whatever it is.

Did I mention your stock options will double in value?

Maybe triple?

And you don't have to live in China.

No, all you have to do is get the call center up to speed.

Then you visit every couple of months.

You get first-class travel and a corporate apartment

that's yours in a high rise overlooking the harbor.

What do you want, Todd?

Tell me what you want. [bright music]

You can't quit.

Then you'll have worked your ass off here for nothing.

You can't quit, Todd.

Who am I gonna send to Shanghai?

- Better hurry, it's boarding.

- Mrs. Puro.

- Congratulations to both of you.

Enjoy the view of the harbor.

- Todd, you saved my life.

- You saved mine.

Don't worry about running the center, you'll be great.

Break a leg.

- Break my leg?

- [Todd] - It's an expression, it basically means good luck.

- Thank you, Todd.

I hope that both your legs get broken.

- I'll never forget you said that.

- Goodbye.

- [Announcer] Flight 800 leaving for Shanghai

boarding at gate number 13.

["Long Road" by Pearl Jam]

- Mom.

Hey, it's Todd.

Yeah, I'm back.

Uh, it was, I'll tell you about it when I come visit.

♪ And I wished for so long ♪

♪ Cannot stay ♪

♪ All the precious moments ♪

♪ Cannot stay ♪

♪ It's not like wings have fallen ♪

♪ Cannot stay ♪

♪ Without you something's missin' ♪

♪ Cannot say ♪

[whimsical music]

Hello?

[upbeat music]

[singing in foreign language]

[somber music]