All language subtitles for Nip Tuck - 5x12 - Lulu Grandiron.0TV.en

Previously on "Nip/Tuck"...

Look what I made you. It's a Sean bear!

It's my hobby. I make teddies.

Hi, Sean. We're C.A.A.

- Who?
- Creative Artists Agency.

You will not take away my Sean.

You want more of the truth?
I am going back into porn.

- Where do you belong?
- Maybe with you.

OK. So, this you are going to love.

You know who busted
her tight little tuchas

and got your booked as a judge
on the Miss Teen U.S.A. Pageant?

So, what do you think of that, Dr. Sexy?

And why would my client

be interested in judging a bunch
of double-digit I.Q. adolescents

with bulimia breath
and tacky bathing suits?

Um, because it beats having lunch
with a menopausal agent

with chardonnay breath and
an ill-fitting ensemble from Chico's.

Bliss, Colleen's just looking after
my reputation. There's no need

- to attack her personally.
- Sean, don't worry about me.

This mama lion could eat your
little pussycat publicist for brunch,

if she wanted to.

Now, I just nabbed a very classy
commercial for you, cookie.

National spokesperson

for the new Sizzler's heart savvy
salad bar campaign.

I'm sorry, did you really just suggest

to do commercials
for the geriatric community?

Not the kind of thing
I'm looking for either.

Sean, our ten o'clock in my office.

Looks like the star-making machinery
is working a double-shift in here.

I need you to do the consult without me.
We got side-tracked.

Yeah, side-tracked by granma's
fantasies of all-you-can-eat-buffets.

By the way, Colleen, did you think
about what I asked?

Any new shows looking for
a medical advisor who can act?

Let's we begin with two commissions
instead of just one, huh?

Christian, I like you. So I'm not going
to sell you a line of bullshit.

I took a look at the first episode
of Hearts and Scalpels,"

specifically your outtakes.

Acting isn't your thing, honey.

I mean, sean, now, has a gift.
He's what we call a natural.

But I just don't have the time
to try and build a career

for someone who is untrained and...

untalented.

- Colleen.
- Well, it's true.

I'm sorry, honey.

Well, that was nice, Colleen.
That's good work.

You know, just get him a gift
certificate from Burke Williams.

It always makes me feel better.

Lulu Grandiron.

Dr. Christian Troy.
Sorry to keep you waiting.

Your partner's joing us
as well, correct?

Actually, my partner is overwhelmed
with his other career right now. But...

the good news is, I'm here,
and you're my only priority.

So, tell me what you don't like
about yourself, Ms. Grandiron.

Call me Lulu, and I'm not here
to be interviewed, Dr. Troy.

I'm here to interview you.

I assume you've heard of
Dr. William Hammerman?

Plastic surgeon,
specializes in society types.

Wouldn't you like to be
on the society page, Dr. Troy?

Surgeon to the creme de la creme?

I don't know where you're
getting your information, but

I'm not hurting for business.

Darling, I'm not talking about
all those dreary little starlets.

I'm offering you a shot at
the true elite in this town.

We're the ones who put
all those nerdy boys in power,

taught them everything
they know, and then

divorced
them and took all their money.

Back up a second. What do you mean--

offering me a shot?

Hammerman is retiring.

My girlfriends and I need a new
plastic surgeon. We've been...

interviewing candidates, and

we want you to come to a dinner
party so we can get to know you.

Saturday at 9:00.

Black tie.

I'm a plastic surgeon, not a gigolo,

and I'm not looking to
be picked over by a pack

- of bitter divorcees.
- Bitter?

Quite the opposite. We have it all...

experience, no one to answer to,

and all that money.

We'll set a place for you,
just in case you

come to your senses.

Transcript: swsub.com

Synchro:
_/Yellow Sub\_

Synchro:
Metalmarco::ITA-SA::

Season 5 Episode 12
Lulu Grandiron

There are 7 signs of the
apocalypse, right? Not 2.

You 2 some sort of couple now?

More like a team.

When she and Ram saw
the video I made with Aidan,

- they offered me a deal at Penetrate.
- To do porn. Nice.

Eden is one of the most natural talents
I've seen in a long time...

well, since myself.
And we just had to snatch her up.

You mean, suck her into
that deep hole of whoredom

where you spent
most of your miserable life?

We didn't come here for your approval.

- We need your help.
- Well, since you've come to the wizard,

I'm sorry to say that we have
no more brains left. Or hearts.

Jesus. What happened?

I was filming my first sex scene
with Kimber, and she hit me,

but it was brilliant.

We're shooting my new film
"Inside Kimber Henry"...

it's very arty.
It's all about self-exploration.

And since Ram's taken over my career,

he's only allowing me to do sex
scenes with women now.

And this was sort of an homage
to the younger me, when I was a virgin.

The scene called for me to make love
to a younger Kimber

to express my forgiveness of all
of her youthful indiscretions.

Eden was tremendous.

So, we're both climaxing, right?

- Where out of nowhere, she yells...
- Hit me.

Hit me.

I'm a little whore,
and you need to hit me.

I ad libbed a little.

I wanted something memorable
for my first film.

And sadomasochism came to mind?

It's the only way to become a star
nowadays. You got to make an impression.

- I'm going to take a look.
- What's there to look at, Sean?

I wouldn't fix it. Maybe it will
knock some sense into her.

Well, guess what, Christian?
We don't want you to fix it.

Sean's the marquee talent at
Mcnamara/Troy, and stars flock to stars.

Celebrity is a club, and it's one
you haven't been invited to join.

And you know, I feel bad for you,
baby, I really do,

because you never had any real talent,

and your only strength
was your own star power.

And how disappointing it must be
for you to realize

that it's flickering
at such a dim wattage.

You know, I really don't need
to listen to the opinion...

- of whores and porn stars.
- Try businesswoman,

juggling a successful career
and motherhood.

And your granddaughter is doing
fabulous, by the way, grandpy.

It was so cute yesterday.
She said her first word,

Ram.

Despite popular opinion,

I actually work with the Hollywood
elite, and I am in great demand.

Sean, you can do what you want.

You fractured your eye socket.

It's delicate work.

That's why I came to you.

You have just the right touch.

And I'll pay, of course.

I just feel terrible about this.

So, could you help us, Sean?

How you feeling?

Scared, actually.

I always think I'm going to go to sleep,

they'll put me under,
and I'll never wake up.

Oh, not on my watch.

When you come out of this,
you're not even going to remember

when you started to drift off.

I used to have a terrible time
falling asleep, for the same reason...

The fear of never waking up.

Maybe I just never knew
what I was waking up for.

Look, when this is over...

maybe it will give you a chance
to sort of rethink things,

- make some better choices.
- Will you help me, Sean?

I keep getting myself involved
in these things that... I don't know.

You're the only one who still
cares about me.

You shouldn't, after
all I've done, but you do.

Don't you?

I care about you getting better.

Will you kiss me?

Just to calm me down.

After a couple of weeks,
when you've healed,

we can talk about what you should do.

Sean, I don't have a couple of weeks.

Ram has me doing
another movie in 6 days.

You're not doing another movie
for that smut-peddler.

- You said you wanted to change.
- I do,

but I don't have a choice.
I signed a contract, Sean.

He owns me. That's why
you have to help me.

I'll fix your face, Eden, but

that's all I can do.

OK. Count back from 10 for me.

Nice pussy.

Dr. Troy, come meet the ladies.

Marla Middleton.

Newly divorced from my third.

Catherine Wicke.

Still married, but multi-orgasmic.

Annette Wainwright.

My husband died last year
in a skiing accident.

And this is Dr. Kay.

Dr. Cashman.

Hello.

And the Berkowitz twins,

Dr. Joseph and Dr. Michael.

I'm Dr. Michael. Hello.

And I'm Dr. Joseph. Good evening.

Shall we dine?

Yeah you ladies seem very close.

We are.

I mean, I...

I've known Annette
since she was an "A" cup.

Last year, when I had
my vagina tightened,

it was my girls here
who pulled me through.

It was that damn haitian pool boy
who did me in.

Jeez. This reminds me
of my last husband.

The one she nicknamed
"Is it in yet?"

I'm sorry. I... I don't get it.

Wait a minute.

Lulu, weren't we supposed to get
that one from the tv show?

Busy.

Well, screw him, then,
for not showing.

You know who needs a show?

Us.

I'll drink to that.

And to Louis Vuitton shoes...

and...

Percocet.

I mean, shit. We shop and we screw,
and we screw and we shop.

Who wouldn't watch that show?

- Annette, have you lost weight?
- Down 5.

I haven't had a carb since'87.

Such discipline.

Let's get down to business.

Boys, tickle our fancy
with your credentials.

We graduated first...

And second...
In our class at harvard.

But we'll never tell
which of us finished where.

Never.

I went to Brown.

Dr. Troy.

What about you?

Well, I've never seen an S.A.T.
score perform a perfect feather lift.

Frankly, I didn't go to
my own graduation.

I was too busy

spraying my population paste all
over the U. Of M. cheerleading squad.

Some resume.
Your parents must be so proud.

You want to see my resume, stretch?

It takes

2 things to make a great surgeon...

Steady hands...

And a monster one of these.

The bigger the cock, the greater the
confidence. The greater the confidence,

the better the surgeon.

This dinner is a pissing contest,
and you ladies have

all the power and all the money.

You've invited us here
tonight to entertain you.

So, I'm cutting straight
to the chase.

Any of you boys think you can...

Trump my ace of clubs?

I wanted your next film to be set
in the 18th Century.

I just think it's going to be
more romantic that way.

What do you think?

I'm playing a maid in a whorehouse.

But you're the underdog,

and the audience is going
to root for you.

Besides, you'll become
the house madam in the end.

Yeah, after a bukakke scene

where a dozen men stand
around me and spooge in my face.

That's gross. Forget it.

I'm not doing this.

Show a little goddamn gratitude.

I worked all night on this.

Eden.

Sweetie.

Kimber and I have both been around this
business a lot longer than you have,

and frankly, sweetheart,

you need to pay your dues.

I paid my dues already,

and I won't be degraded like that again,
not if you want me to be the star.

Star?

Darling, you're not even a wet spot
in the porn industry.

I'm the star.

I've done over 50 films.

And if you want even half
of what I have,

you're going to have
to show me some respect.

You know what I think?

First of all...

You need to be a little more diligent
with the moisturizer.

And secondly,

you want what I've got,

but you'll never be
18 again, now, will you?

I may be new at this,

but even I know that it's youth
that sells porn, not nostalgia.

I'll look at the script.

Unless you're family, we don't allow
visitors so soon after surgery.

Leave, now.

Sean.

We were discussing business.

Dr. McNamara. Ram peters.

Doctor, you did a fantastic job
on my little girl here.

When do you think
she'll be camera-ready?

Let's discuss that in private.

Don't you ever cross me again,

baby girl. You'll regret it.

What I want to know from you is what
would you need to break her contract?

I don't break contracts, doctor,
not with any of my girls... ever.

How much?

Why, Dr. McNamara.

You cad.

10,000? 20?

I tell you what... I got a better idea.

I have a large stable of women
over 50 under contract as well.

They're not the top talent at penetrate,
but they bring in the most returns.

Eddie, boy!

Guys like to see old gals
pounded hard.

Guilt titles sell like wildfire.

Because of their age, I pay them a tenth
of what a 20-year-old would make.

I can work them twice as hard.
They love it.

I'm finding there's a solid niche market
for older women,

but it's hard to find ones that
keep themselves in shape at that age

and are still willing to do films.

So, you help me trim the fat,
so to speak,

get a couple of
my older girls in shape,

Eden's free to go.

Fine.

4 grannies... implants, lipo.
That's it.

Deal?

I sure hope she's worth it.

Tell me what you don't like
about yourself.

I think you're perfect.

Thank you.

You could use some microlipo
on your thighs.

Maybe... maybe an ass implant.

Sock it to me, doc.

Sock it to me, doc, to me.

You have the tits of a 30-year-old.

Maybe you could go up to a double "D,"

give you that firmness back.

That was the breast-feeding.

Want to nurse me, pretty boy?

You need an eye job and a neck lift.

Maybe some botox.

Is that all?

You want more?

I didn't become plastic surgeon
to the richest woman in L.A.

to be stuck on an assembly line
of middle-aged tits and ass.

You're supposed to hook me up,
give me the keys to the kingdom.

What an idiot.

Jesus. If any celebrity
gives a shit about

where the first wives' club
get their faces done--

you an pack will have
to find somebody call.

I completely understand.

There's certainly nothing
glamorous about

an assembly line
of middle aged tits and ass.

What you need

is a surgery that will set you apart,

give you the attention you deserve
as a doctor,

and as an artist.

It's a good start.

I've had a chance to watch
your work, Dr. Troy,

but I've seen the results.

You're really no different
than a sculptor,

chiseling away at the human form,
manipulating tissue and bone.

Please, don't ever denigrate yourself.

You're not just a plastic surgeon.

You're a modern day Michelangelo.

I wouldn't go that far. Rodin, maybe.

- I'm glad that you understand.
- Of course I do.

That's why I saved myself for last.

I am the canvas upon which
you can truly express yourself.

And how exactly
would you like to be expressed?

I want my face to reflect
the duality of my nature, my...

Sensuous animal spirit. The...

Sacred feline essence within.

You want a softer, more sensual look?

Did you know that the egyptians

believed that the cat was endowed
with the light of human consciousness?

They believe that the souls who had died
entered into the cat,

giving it its powerful radiance.
I want you...

to bring me closer to that radiance.

You want me to make you look like a cat.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm not insane.

That's a relief. Whiskers and tails
are really not my specialty.

Well, maybe I was wrong about you.

I thought, as an artist,

you might be able to find a way to

accentuate my more feline
characteristics,

to suggest its form within mine.

Why on earth do you want this done?

If I can no longer be young,

I want my face to reflect
all the wisdom and power in me.

We're extraordinary people
living ordinary lives, you and I,

because no one sees us,
no one really knows who we are.

You're an artist, not a mechanic.

I'm offering you a chance to prove it.

How are you feeling?

If I say I feel like crap,
will you let me stay here longer?

- I can't do another porn, Sean.
- You don't have to.

This is your contract with penetrate.

Tear it up.

- Did you steal this?
- No.

I just talked to Ram, and he feels
the same way about you I do...

that you don't belong in that business.

Sean!

Is this your way of saying
you love me like I love you?

It doesn't matter how I feel.
This can't happen.

No one would allow it.

You're 18.

I'm old enough to be your father.

Our families would hate us,

and business would take a dive.
We'd be pariahs.

I don't give a shit about any of that.
I don't. I don't care.

- What are you doing?
- Making my client happy.

By turning her into Garfield?

I'm bringing out her true self.

Nose jobs, tit jobs, tummy tucks... they
are all the work of a simple craftsman,

which is why Sean is so good at them.

What I am doing to this woman is art.

What you're doing is barbaric.

By the time you're done with her,

she's going to look like the side
of a Hello Kitty lunchbox.

Why is wanting to look like
a glamorous puma

any more strange
than wanting to look like

Pamela Anderson or Angelina Jolie?

- It's all idolatry, Liz.
- This surgery is nuts.

- I'm out.
- Great.

Go roll your eyes at the goddamn
golf course for all I care.

Look, stop panicking, Liz. She's not
going to look exactly like a cat.

She's just going to have
a feline essence.

Where did you get that line,
out of her litter box?

- Don't mock what you don't understand.
- Oh, I understand this.

There is going to be
a storm of shit around this,

and I'll tell you right now, I am not
going to get caught in the rain.

You a dog person, too?

Where are you, Chaz? Pick up.

Look, I need you to bring me some
new magazines, my makeup,

and some good coke.
Call me back, OK?

- Hello, Eden.
- Jesus. You scared me.

Sorry.

Do I know you?

Well, not technically, but we're kind
of in the same family.

I'm Colleen Rose, Sean's agent.

Where's Sean?

Brought you a present.

I thought you could use a special
love-yourself Eden bear.

Maybe a sympathetic ear.
I make these for people.

Listen.

I love you.
I love you. I love you.

OK, that's creepy, and so are you.

Look.

I don't need you to
make me feel better. What I need

are some more painkillers.

I was like you, you know.

Had all the boys eating out of my hand,

and the only one that I wanted

- was the one I couldn't have.
- Excuse me?

When you're a mama lion,
and you see a baby cub in distress,

you instinctively move to help.

You need to be told the truth.

And what might that be?

Sean doesn't love you.

And he never will.

And you know all this because?

Because there's nothing
he doesn't tell me.

The males of our species are just silly,
selfish, preening fools,

which you will come to understand.

My gosh.

You're totally in love with Sean.

You're a desperate old bag who has
a pathetic crush on her client.

What a cliche.

Please. The whole world is in love
with Sean. That's not the point.

What is the point, Colleen?

I heard Sean and Aidan talking about
how they like to pass you around

and how you're quickly becoming
the town pump.

And they said it
in front of a lot of crewmen.

It was disgusting,

especially one grip who said,
"i'd like a piece of that whore."

And Sean and Aidan laughed

and said, "we can make that happen.
She'll screw anybody."

He's using you, honey,

all right? So he can feel young
and viable. That's all.

He said he had feelings for me.

Yeah, feelings for your
sweet sugar tits, maybe.

Not for you.

Look, I went to your defense.
I said, "she's just a baby."

And they should start looking
at women their own age.

But that's our sick society for you.

You're a liar.

You look at me, honey...

And tell me you really think i'm lying.

Hey, you. How's your tv show going?

Since when do you want
to hear about the show?

Despite what you might think, sean,

I don't need for you to fail
in order for me to be happy.

I wish you many years of
success on your little tv show.

Spoken with incredible condescension.

Not at all.
I have a great respect for the media.

It's not fine art,
but it doesn't pretend to be,

and if it's an outlet for
your creative energies...

You're doing that smug thing again.

Whenever something nice happens to you,
you become the cat that ate the canary

so you can bask in your 5 minutes
of superiority as long as possible.

I'm not basking in anything.

I'm just feeling newly inspired.
I'm looking at my job in a new light,

like a form
of self-expression, true art.

It's like I'm Michelangelo...

With a 10 blade.

Hello?

Sean? Bliss. You have to meet me
at Hollywood and Highland.

Why? Is there a sale?
Bliss, it's the middle of the day.

Look, I don't give a shit
what time it is, OK?

This is an emergency. Your career
and your reputation depend on it.

All right. I have to go.

Bliss is having a meltdown or something.

Listen, Michelangelo, I'm glad you're
feeling inspired, but just rember...

The difference between
a plastic surgeon and a sculptor

is the marble doesn't sue if
you screw it up.

There we go.
Yummy-yum.

All right.

- Oh, now, you don't need that...
- Ladies.

Oh! How is she?

She can't even talk
under all those bandages.

I mean, we talk and we talk,
and she just nods.

It's like dinner with my husband.

I think you're going
to like what you see.

Lulu!

Jesus Christ!

- What did you do to her?
- Oh! You're jealous.

Let me see.
Let me see.

Oh, I love it. Oh, I worship it.

I'm a hot little pussy now.

Shit. She's off her meds.

- Meds?
- She's bi-polar.

Jesus, a woman asks you
to turn her into frisky,

and you don't suspect there's something
seriously wrong with her?

Your problem is you have
too much dick and not enough brains.

I can fix this.

Yeah, well, you better, or you're going
to be giving nose jobs

to homeless women on Shitter's Alley.

Come on, girls. We're out of here.

Ought to be shot.

Come on.

Hollywood and Highland?

"A," what could you possibly be doing
out here? And "B," I don't believe you.

OK. The chanel makeup was 75 off,
and I love a good sale. So sue me.

Now, I know this seems shocking
and terrible, but I can spin it...

it is so good. Like, "vanity fair" good.

"Posing as a power player
among hollywood's elite,

she was desperately hiding
a secret life of

talking bears and interactions
with hideous valley toddlers."

Would you excuse me a minute, please?

Colleen, what's going on?
Why are you here?

It's my niece's kiosk, and i'm just
filling in 'cause she was sick.

- Why? Is that wrong?
- And the lies just keep on coming.

This isn't your second job, Colleen...
it's your only job.

I checked with mall security.
You're here, on average, 8 hours a day.

Why don't you just butt out,
you stupid little barbie doll?

Oh, I knew there was something
wrong with you. I just knew it!

You're just a sad little nobody
with a good scam.

Yeah, well, who the hell are you
to criticize me for having 2 jobs?

What, did you ever lack for attention?

OK, just spare us the
"sturm und drang", honey, OK?

I checked the entire database of
licensed agents, and you're not anywhere

You never were as far back as'85.

You lied about who you are.
That's unforgivable.

I don't care how hard you worked.
I trusted you.

Does that mean the fact that I got you
the lead in "hearts and scalpels"

means nothing to you? Why, because
I don't have the right piece of paper?

Do you even have any other clients?

Do you have any other clients?

You're scaring me.

I won't have you talk to me this way

when I treated you with respect.

I deserve respect, too.

Colleen, I want you
to leave me alone now.

No calls, no visits, nothing.

This is the end of our relationship.
Do you understand?

How did you even get on the lot,
anyway? The tour?

Why? Why me?

Don't even ask, Sean, OK?
She's clearly demented.

Come on.

You know I don't like it
when you do that, mama.

Don't start with me
about what you don't like,

not unless you want me
to start complaing.

You know...

I think you're the cat's pajamas.

But this is business.

That's why I love you so much.
You're a hot, sexy woman who

also understands
the business side of my life...

The rewards...

Pressures.

I get it.

Just don't have to like it.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How's my baby doing?
- Good.

Welcome to the family.

Go ahead. Say it.
I know you want to.

Fine. I'm an idiot, OK?

- And?
- And what?

You want me to get on my knees?
I'm sorry.

And just so we don't get sued,
the next time someone comes in here

with an outrageous request, you'll
double-check their background first.

- Like you researched Colleen?
- That's different.

How? She came into your office,
blew smoke up your ass,

and you handed her your career,
no questions asked.

You're right.

Damn, it felt good, though,
getting my ego stroked like that.

It's a mental blowjob. You can sit back,
relax, let them do the work

- while you get off.
- It's addicting, though.

I feel like I'm in withdrawal.

You got worse problems than that,
my friend. You think you're an actor.

What are you doing here, Colleen?

What have you done?

I'm calling 911.

I think that's a good idea.

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