Original subtitles

FEAR CITY

FEAR CITY a famiIy comedy

ReIax, Sandy. It's me.

God, Ben! He'II kiII us aII!

Don't be so meIodramatic.

The horribIe Yuri is dead. He's nothing but memories now.

This whoIe horribIe nightmare is over.

He hated us because we make good money...

...and, with his communistic ideas, money is a bad thing.

My God! He kiIIed Jim...

...Susan...

...Ludovic...

...MaximiIien...

...and Toto, too.

It was horribIe.

The Johnson's are coming over. I'm going to tidy up a bit.

Go take a bath. Nothing horribIe can happen now.

Nothing horribIe...

...can happen to us now.

That bath did me good.

Sandy! Look out!

I'm so sorry! It's horribIe!

That's aII right, dear. That's aII right.

I'm aImost there!

I'II caII you back. It's horribIe!

The vacuum cIeaner! I Ieft it on!

OIL DO NOT GET THROWN IN

Look out behind you! It's horribIe!

DO NOT GET THROWN IN AGAIN

Die! Dirty Communist!

So Iong, Yuri!

Pretty good, right?

Wait. Did you notice...

...how much action there is at the end?

If you feII asIeep, you can see it again...

...there are other screenings.

Don't forget your press kit!

Nice to meet you.

Press agent, OdiIe Deray.

Take a kit. If you need more info...

...I'm at the Martinez.

I won't write a word. That fiIm's a piece of shit!

You shouId see it again.

No deaI, Deray!

OdiIe Deray! In any case, I'II caII you.

I toId you to keep aII handbags on your Iap.

Look! You were robbed.

The mgmt. is not responsibIe.

Warning. This fiIm has been rated ''R''...

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL - DAY ONE

What's spotted ermine? How much? I won't yeII.

See you tomorrow.

HoId on. What?

See you tomorrow. Let's hope we get a crowd.

I get paid the same. Button up...

...it's raining.

I think it stopped.

Say hi to your wife.

I wiII. What? So?

How much was it?

How much?

No, I won't yeII.

How much! !

No, it was dead. Don't change the subject!

I'd rather die than seII the R.V.

Over my dead body... What?

I'm going to be cut off!

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL - DAY TWO

I'm sorry. The funeraI's Tuesday.

I can't make it. I wouId've Ioved to come.

That's nice of you. I hope it'II be a nice day.

It'II be more cheery.

- Tea? - Yes, thanks.

Is that him?

No, that's my dog.

Oh, of course.

TeII me about him. I hardIy knew him.

He's a German Shepherd, weII-trained...

- ...spayed. - No, your husband.

They sIashed him with hammer and sickIe.

But he was so handsome whoIe.

CIean, generous... ReaIIy generous.

Sugar?

Sixteen.

It's funny. The fiIm I'm handIing...

...is about a hammer-and-sickIe kiIIer. IncredibIe, hunh?

Look. His Iast gift.

I toId him, ''It's crazy! We'II have to seII the R.V.''

Know what he toId me?

He said, ''Let it ride!''

What a feeIing! To read about my fiIm in the papers!

I can stiII hear him! ''Let it ride!'' A reaI capricorn.

I'm a press agent. So of course I Iove the press.

We never used the R.V. anyway.

Somebody had to get kiIIed for them to spiII some ink! IncredibIe!

It wasn't much ink. Just one paper.

We never used the R.V. WeII, one time.

No, two. Who couId they interview anyway?

The director's in an asyIum. The producer's in prison.

The star...

He must be free. He hasn't worked since.

We never used it.

It was in the garage for months, gathering dust.

If I have him whacked, it'II whip up interest.

Body guards. The whoIe bit!

I can just see the headIines.

''Star of Red is Dead Comes to Cannes Despite Danger''

Where's the phone?

I said, ''Either the coat or the R.V.''

And he said, ''Let it ride!''

GREEN PARTY REP. KILLED

Green Party Rep. KiIIed

- WHAT A CATCH ! - What A Catch!

Was it because he opposed the Martoni Project,..

...construction of the MegamiIton HoteI on the Cannes beach...

...that ecoIogist Jacques LeIong was kiIIed?

Joining us Iive by teIephone, PhiIippe LuIu. PhiIippe?

HeIIo, MicheI. His body was found...

- How are you? - Fine.

His body was found on one of the Lérins IsIands...

...drowned a week ago. According to the coroner...

...the Green Party Rep.'s body was bIue,

bIue as the skies of the Riviera.

Suspicion abounds about Jean-PauI Martoni's roIe in the affair.

He is right now being questioned by poIice...

...and he may be charged shortIy.

CaII us back with any new deveIopments.

Now turning to the FiIm FestivaI...

Arriving today; director BoIdav MavatIava Kraspeck.

His fiIm Autumn Bugs is a favorite. WiII it get the PaIme, or won't it?

AIso from Cannes, the strange murder...

...of a projectionist at the Cameo Theater...

...who was projecting a horror fiIm.

And now; for our BeIgian friends who Iove aruguIa,..

PARIS, THAT SAME DAY

- The boss wants you. - Sorry, Marc.

I stopped smoking -- it's nerves.

No probIem.

I had probIems...

...with my wife IateIy.

And they took my visiting rights away.

And as for my wife...

Hi, Tiffany.

That's pretty - is it cashmere?

Cotton!

I don't want to bother you...

...but can I sIeep over? I Iost my mother this morning.

She died?

No, I Iost her. She was there and then - poof! - I Iost her.

But my dog died. So if I couId sIeep over...

...just to have someone around.

Your dog died 3 times.

He suffered horribIy.

Karamazov here yet?

Yes, sir. He's right here.

Send him in!

It was an accident, boss.

This isn't about Princess VaIonni.

I got a caII from the Cannes FestivaI. Ever hear of Cannes?

I went to camp there, when I was 7.

You're the man for the job.

You take the 1 0 AM fIight to Nice.

It shouId take off about 1 PM.

It's 1 1 AM now.

- So what?! - No, I meant...

The person you're guarding is a movie star - Simon Jeremi.

You pick him up in Nice.

Your contact is OdiIe Deray.

D.E.R.A.Y...

...a press agent. You stay to the end of the festivaI.

This is no waIk in the park.

There's a hammer & sickIe kiIIer...

...and there's some connection to her movie.

Some kind of iden... identification thing. Get it?

Yeah. More or Iess.

Which means...

...no more cIose contact protection for Princess VaIonni.

Why not, UncIe?

I promised I'd keep you apart untiI her abor - ...

UntiI her what?

UntiI her abortion.

But we were...

No 'buts'! Enough buIIshit!

And, for once in your Iife, think with your head, instead of your d -

Nice Airport.

Watch the cIosing doors.

OdiIe Deray?

I'm Iooking for OdiIe Deray.

That's her!

You're OdiIe Deray?

I'm the Pope; I'm waiting for my sister.

I'm OdiIe.

- I'm from Security, Inc. - And you are..?

At the airport.

Right, but what's your name?

Serge Karamazov. No reIation. I'm an onIy chiId.

No, because Karamazov...

The Brothers... I'm not reIated.

Yeah, right. Sure.

That's funny.

LuIu?

I'm LuIu.

Cigarette?

No, thanks. I'm trying to quit.

This pIane makes express stops onIy, and wiII not stop at HRMPFNG!

There he is!

- Bye, Simon. - Bye, SyIvie.

Simon, I'm OdiIe Deray.

This is Serge Karamazov.

No reIation.

Mr. Karamazov wiII be seeing to your security.

Do you have any baggage?

No one toId me to bring baggage. ShouId I have tooken some?

No, no probIem. Let's go.

What about your sister?

Mr. K., you drive. I'II get in back.

Simon, you take the death seat.

Sit up front.

Right.

Power steering...

...Ieather interior...

...remote door Iocks...

Limited series PaIme d'Or...

...a car which is a good...

...driving type car.

I'm going to make you a star, Simon.

You can't buy this pubIicity.

A reaI murder, just Iike in the movie During the Cannes FestivaI.

We'II need stiIIs, right?

You aII right with stiIIs?

- Yes. - Good.

I Iike working with good stiIIs.

The Germans Iove the picture. They've aIways had good taste.

The Danes, too. Do you speak Danish?

You'II have to Iearn.

SköI öften Strüü

Repeat after me.

I'm so stupid. That's Swedish.

I'm so stupid. That's Swedish.

Wait. Excuse me...

...if you keep doing that, how am I supposed to...

...It's here somewhere...

Safety first.

AII right, in back?

You're at the Martinez.

You know it?

You'II Iike it.

I want you to be happy.

You'II have to take him everywhere.

Everyone'II want to see him.

The magic of Cannes.

You can caII me Serge.

Eye on the road, Kara! Simon, where shouId we eat?

Shit!

What's with you? Car-sickness?

No, when I'm happy, I vomit.

And I'm reaI happy.

I Ieft my caIendar in the theater.

It's not far. Drop me off here.

Shit.

Which is stronger, the hippopotamus or the eIephant?

'Cause a hippo is pretty strong.

We have a reservation for Karamazov and Jeremi.

FiII out this card.

Aren't you hungry?

I'm hungry, hungry...

Can I be frank?

You're a pain.

Yeah, but I'm stiII hungry.

OK, what do you want to eat?

Whatever. Pork gums.

Where can we get good pork gums around here?

''Chez LapIaud.'' Best pork gums on the coast. Like a reservation?

You're mine. AII mine. And I'm aII yours.

AII of you. You, aII of you. My whoIe body is yours.

DarIing, you kiII me. You're kiIIing me.

What about my nose?

And my ears?

And my IittIe beIIy button?

And my feet?.. No.

Come on, think. Think. Whose are they? Think. No.

One second.

And what about my...

I'm being cut off.

You'II Iove this room. Last year, Robert GouIet had it.

Security. I'II go in first.

ShouId I get the Iight?

I'II find it.

So you're an actor?

That's great.

How'd you get started?

I knew the usherette.

It's who you know, hunh?

I don't know anyone.

OK. We'II take the room.

CIean it up a IittIe. At these prices that's the Ieast you couId do!

You mind giving me an autograph?

It's for my sister, Edwige.

''For.'' You wrote ''fur.''

Not ''H''. It's Edwige with an ''E''.

Not ''EE''. It's an ''I''.

Good. And an ''E'' at the end.

But you forgot to sign.

The key.

Simon, about the beds, shouId we fIip for it?

So I'II take this one.

I'm reaI happy.

- What happened? - Is there any progress?

This is the 2nd murder in this theater.

Is the movie that bad?

Let us do our jobs.

As soon as we know anything, we'II inform you right away.

Is it a seriaI kiIIer? Are the festivaI-goers in danger?

Let us do our jobs.

As soon as we know anything, we'II inform you...

Är det en seriaI kiIIer som fiImfestivaIbesökarna har att frukta?

Lat poIisen göra sitt jobb...

...jag kommer att informera sa fort jag vet mera.

BiaIes is sporting a siIk & wooI doubIe-breasted suit, 6 buttons...

...with shirt and tie in a CaIder-Iike pattern.

You caIIed the press? Nice going!

No, Det. It was the Iady who found the body. OdiIe Deray.

The victim was kiIIed with a hammer and pickIe.

No, a sickIe. WeII that's what the Iab guys think.

Sure Iooks Iike ''pickIe,'' no? Any other cIues?

The kiIIer scratched a 2nd Ietter in the waII. That makes ''O D''.

We have the ScrabbIe team on it.

Like Do Re Mi. Must be a musician.

This guy is a maniac.

I hope you have a strong stomach. It's a butcher job in there.

Where's the crime site?

Over here.

It was horribIe. Hiding in the corner, with those...

...eight big hairy feet and...

This is OdiIe Deray, who discovered the body.

Do you know Det. BiaIes?

Born in 1 950 in the town of Oran, AIgeria...

...his mother was vaudeviIIe star, AIicia Lampero.

His father, Maurice, was a gendarme.

Patrick Humphrey Tiburce BiaIes was an onIy chiId.

FortunateIy, his mother joined in his chiIdhood games...

...because Mr. BiaIes was rareIy at home.

In 1 962...

...the BiaIes famiIy Ieft AIgeria...

...for Nice.

Then they took a bus...

...to Cannes.

Patrick was tweIve.

Wanting to pIease both...

...his mother and father,..

...he was torn between the stage...

...and the poIice. But...

...destiny decided for him because, in 1 968...

...during the May riots, his father died...

...his head stuck in a subway grating.

So he took up the badge...

...and Ieft the trapeze behind.

1 97 1 . He finished 1 0th in the Nice PoIice Academy...

...with a B minus average, which doesn't suck.

After soIving two mysteries, he got his goId badge.

How many Ietters?

Nine.

PoIiceman.

He won the regionaI pIayoffs of Letters and Numbers...

...and so was promoted...

...to Chief Detective of Cannes, the post he stiII occupies.

Nice to meet you.

We're friends of the body discoverer.

AII right. Go ahead.

Not you! No sneakers!

Is Miss Deray here?

She went to change. Then they took her to the station.

That's very inconvenient.

I got here 4 hours ago. They gave me this guy to protect.

So I protect him. That's my job.

Right. I understand.

First he vomits in the car.

ReaIIy disgusting. Who knows if it'II come cIean.

Then, in the room, same thing. We had an appt. at a restaurant.

He's hungry. And he ate nothing. He drank O.J.

We wait. She doesn't come.

See that? It's a Cin-a-thon!

Right. A Cin-a-thon. So now what do I do with this guy?

Yeah, I see.

It's amazing. That's my 1 st reaI Cin-a-thon.

Go take a cIoser Iook.

So, anyway, she caIIs me. She says she discovered another body.

So she'II be Iate. Right. So how Iong does it take to discover a body?

What? 1 hour, 1 1 /2?

Tops.

Don't touch stuff.

It's been over 2 hours. What am I supposed to do with him?

Think of taking him to Aqua-SpIash?

No. Hey, Simon, tomorrow we go to Aqua-SpIash.

There's the orange juice.

I'm PhiIippe Garcia and this is Dets. Sens and BesteI.

It's my duty to inform you...

...this wiII aII be fiImed.

No, Detective. The thingamajig is busted.

BesteI fucked the whoIe thing up.

It's my duty to inform you, this wiII aII be not fiImed.

Miss Deray, you can't eat frankfurters in here.

NO EATING FRANKS

What are you going to do?

Lock me up for frank eatery?

TeII us about your reIationship to the victims...

...Mr. Jacques and... what's the other guy's name?

MireiIIe.

I hired them and then they died.

So it's the 2nd murder...

...invoIving this fiIm.

Right.

Good for pubIicity.

And your job is whipping interest for the fiIm. Am I mistaken?

Yes, ''whipping interest''.

It's ''whipping up interest''.

Let's not get picky.

You think I'm stupid enough to kiII peopIe Iike in my fiIm...

...so it'II be more successfuI?

No one said you were stupid.

I did, at first. But now I think you're wonderfuI.

I didn't kiII them, if that's what you're thinking.

I'II take a Iie detector test.

Why not?

We can't, boss.

BesteI was trying something, hooked it to his C.B. and it went...

AII right, aII right.

Don't Ieave Cannes for a whiIe.

I have no intention of Ieaving.

With aII that's happened, I've got work to do.

I was at the Cameo. Look what we found.

A finger.

No, I'm kidding. This is what we found.

Fabric?

What couId that be?

Fabric has existed...

...since ancient times.

It's estimated that it was invented about a Iong time ago, B.C.

''The ant is no Iender,'' as La Fontaine said.

Back on the nationaI front, and the murder of the Green Rep...

J.P. Martoni has been indicted...

but the N.R.P. Ieader can't be found, despite numerous court summons.

Our correspondant, Jacques IzdeIebrouf.

We seem to have a sIight technicaI probIem.

Let's go directIy to the FestivaI. Tonight, the officiaI...

...screening of Octet - The BIacksmith's Resignation...

...by the Uzbek director Mirjovsky IbiskIivackse...

...whose moving portrayaI of...

AII right.

I'm toId the report isn't quite ready.

AIso in beaut, beauti... -- makes me stammer --

...beautifuI Cannes, the 2nd murder of a projectionist...

...with hammer and sickIe...

...as he projected the fiIm Red is Dead.

The press agent is being questioned by Det. BiaIes,..

...says she knows nothing...

...but aIso says, ''See the movie.'' Now...

I'm toId no report.

CANNES - DAY THREE

What time is it?

Nine-thirty Ayem.

AIready?

My watch is a IittIe fast.

Last night, the officiaI screening of The Suicide of Herman Brooks...

...by Verner SkobIetsin.

You Iike your new room?

Fine. Don't sit there. He vomited again.

...the famous fartman...

...Mizou Mizou, who Iit up...

...the waIk with his presence.

Mizou had performed...

the evening before...

aII of Carmen

Everything's going great. There's a Iot of Iight on the fiIm.

The Americans want remake rights. I'm negotiating with the Germans.

Kara, hurry up. The press conference is at 1 1 .

I'II get it.

Sarah Connor?

Next door.

I've got Iots of press. Even two poIiticaI reporters.

This conference is big.

Sarah Connor?

Yes?

Simon, seII this fiIm for me.

Find some gimmicks, catch phrases.

Like what?

WeII, Iike, Iike...

...catch phrases!

- Like what? - Like catch phrases!

Kara, you reaIIy have to be his bodyguard.

I want to reaIIy dazzIe them.

I beIieve, I beIieve!

CouId you stop smoking in my face? I'm trying to quit.

How did you do it? I can't.

I just pIay the trumpet. It's a substitute.

I get it. You make the same motions.

Same notes, too.

Because...

Ready Simon? AII decked out?

Right. I'd better do something.

TOOLS AND MACHINERY

You know Christine, from cosmetics?

The one with the pimpIes?

Yeah, the ugIy one. She found a man.

She didn't!

I swear. She gets him home, on the couch...

...and she comes back 5 mins. Iater, naked, says, ''What's your pIeasure?''

And what did he do?

He beat it out of there. So I toId her, next time be romantic.

We're starting.

So the next time, she's going to take a bath...

...so she won't go naked; she wraps the quiIt around her.

And the guy froze his baIIs off?

So the quiIt gets caught in the door.

So to get Ioose, she drops the quiIt. And he says,..

...''It's onIy ceIIuIite. I Iove you just the way you are.''

UnbeIievabIe!

I swear!

This is her first boyfriend.

- With those pimpIes - - You're not interested?

The two in the back, not interested?

Sure we are.

I'II repeat it for you.

After the screening, you'II have Q&A with Simon Jeremi...

...the star of Red is Dead.

Of course, I've provided a Iist of the kiIIer's victims.

The reaI kiIIer, not the one in the movie.

The widows are here as weII.

Thanks for your attention. Enjoy the movie!

No, not at aII.

DarIing, there's no risk, or I wouIdn't get a risk bonus.

I do aII this to make you happy. And then you...

HoId on a second.

If you have to step out a second, then go ahead.

I can't Ieave you aIone.

But you're sick.

Go reIieve yourseIf.

ReIieve yourseIf.

What was I saying?

It stinks in here.

I'm going.

By aII means.

Go ahead.

I'm next door.

I know where.

May I?

Whatever. Take it aII.

This'II kiII me.

Martine!

Security!

I'II pick it up on the way home.

It won't kiII me.

You here for the festivaI?

He's back.

I'm being cut off.

You couId hurt yourseIf with that thing.

Let me heIp. Just say the word.

So what's going on?

I'm seropositive.

I was just kidding!

Fuck! I don't need this.

Out of the way!

I reaIIy got to shit!

MeanwhiIe, in Vera Cruz...

Anything eIse?

That wiII be aII, thanks.

How much is that?

1 3.95

Outa the way, fucking mimes!

Are you aII right?

You need something?

No, it's aII right. I have paper.

CANNES - DAY FOUR

KILLER STRIKES AGAIN

Fax it to me right away.

For the Tuesday screening, an American company...

...wiII seII us the Iatest in metaI detectors.

I'm stiII waiting for tomorrow's guest Iist.

It's 300,000 more but it's top-of-the-Iine.

Extra. Cannes KiIIer Strikes Again!

Red is Dead takes FestivaI by storm! ..

Five cents, sir.

Martoni stiII a suspect.

The poIice are questioning a deaf eye-witness.

Here's the ad for the new projectionist.

Yes. AIready three dead.

Read it to me.

''SK. PROJ. PVTE. SCRNING. JUJIT. HLPFL. CLL. HOT. MART.''

Add ''more if compatibIe.'' It's more personaI.

AbsoIuteIy.

There's 1 with a ringer, too.

Let's say you pass by and you're wearing braces...

AImost got me. Pretty good item.

I'm not sure about the coIor.

White tuxedo.

And there's one with Tahitian music.

The P.M. edition!

You can mix sounds.

In any case,..

...in Cannes, death doesn't bring you down, right JoceIyne?

Right. Last night, the officiaI screening...

...of VoIapuk ZoItek, by GovaschIisev Scumsky...

...was upstaged by the Red is Dead party.

Three deaths in three days...

...have made this fiIm the sweetheart of Cannes.

A reaI fairy taIe...

...for Red is Dead, which is being snatched up sight-unseen.

To ceIebrate, the fiIm's producers...

...Iast night threw a ''Murder Party'' at the ViIIa BeIair.

Stars from aII over...

...mingIed with reporters.

Cake, champagne, fireworks...

...nothing was Ieft out, not even the hammer...

...and sickIe, the evening's motif.

The woman behind the scandaI, or at Ieast...

...the gIory, was bursting with joy...

...aIthough she had reservations.

There's too much taIk about the events...

...and perhaps not enough about the fiIm itseIf.

But it's true this is great.

And you, Simon? Happy?

He's reaI happy!

Busy with his investigation...

Det. BiaIes nevertheIess had this to say:

Let the poIice do their job.

We'II catch this murderer.

What's the kiIIer's motive? Who wiII be the next victim?

No matter. Last night in Cannes, it was time to ceIebrate.

Thank you, JoceIyne.

Are Lapp beavers hermaphrodites?

That's the question for this BeIgian scientist...

What? No, we're aII booked up.

For three weeks.

This guy's dreaming.

I have an appt. with Det. BiaIes. OdiIe Deray.

Comment aIIez-vous ? Je vais très bien.

Etes-vous rouge ? Etes-vous morte ?

J'ai très faim, et vous ?

Oui, manger, PauIy.

La pIume de ma tante est sur Ie bureau de mon oncIe.

Vive Ia différence ! La Fayette nous voici...

...toujours I'amour ! C'est formidabIe !

FormibubbIe !

VouIez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir ?

Bien sûr.

Regardez-moi.

FoIIow me, pIease.

Ja.

WAR AND PEACE

Waiting Iong?

No, I just got here.

Excuse me, Det...

Patrick.

I had to debrief the projectionist for tomorrow.

He'II be up aII night.

Thanks. And bring us...

...some snapawogs...

...to peck on.

Some job getting out aII the invitations.

WiII the Lt. Governor be there? WiII Martoni come?

If Martoni comes, the Lt. Gov. won't.

Enough about your movie. TeII me about yourseIf, sweepea.

OdiIe.

I'm OdiIe. Sweepea is Popeye's friend.

Sweepea is Popeye's baby. His friend is Wimpie.

Oh, sorry.

It's this fiIm. AII this pressure.

TeII me about yourseIf.

Where do you come from?

Dijon. I started out as press agent for...

...''Mustard & Movies''.

Fascinating. What was it about?

Mustard and movies.

Great.

My first car was a Peugeot.

IncredibIe.

My cousins sIept at my grandma's.

FabuIous.

So I sIept downstairs, 'cause I Ieant him my sweater.

You're wonderfuI.

Are you married?

Your snapawogs.

CarefuI, the pIate is hot.

Don't eat me! Don't eat me!

I was married; we spIit up four years ago.

He was big in tripe. You know ''Le Mans Tripe - AIways Ripe''?

It was famous back home.

And since then?

No one.

No one? Not one affair in four years?

Don't you miss it?

Not at aII.

What's the House SpeciaI Venipudding?

It's deIicious!

Two venison Iegs - it's for two.

Two venison Iegs, firm...

...and sIightIy parted...

...and stuffed with thick cream...

...drenched in hot white wine, dripping...

...over the fIeshy part...

...of the animaI.

They're snugIy tied...

...on a bed of watercress.

- How's the watercress? - It's at once tender...

...and tough.

Tied, reaIIy tied? It can't get away?

The watercress is my sIave.

Where were you? OdiIe was Iooking for you.

Wait.

I bust my ass...

...aII day...

...for your safety! Right or wrong?

Right.

And this OdiIe Deray...

...can't teII me where she is!

But I know where she is.

ShouId I take you home?

Wanna know where?

She's with Rick Hunter.

What does this...

...Rick Hunter know about women?

I don't know.

Nothing.

He knows nothing.

Hey, that's not your bottIe!

But I know.

Every one I escorted I fucked.

Irina De Frosberger - fucked her.

JoceIyne Turner - fucked her.

Prince Patrick of MoIdavia - fucked him.

I was pIastered but I did anyway fuck him.

OdiIe Deray. Ms. OdiIe Deray...

...I can't fuck her.

'Cause Iike...

...she, I can't fuck her.

What was I saying?

- You Iike Mozart? - Yes, which is it?

The Iatest one.

Come, OdiIe. Come on in.

Whisky?

A quickie.

Don't want a whisky first?

You have a brush?

Thanks. So were you.

You were wonderfuI.

In the drawer, near the phone.

CANNES KILLER STRIKES AGAIN

''SK. PROJ. PVTE. SCRNING...

''CLL. HOT. MART...

''MORE IF COMPATIBLE.''

Know the difference between...

...a fridge and a woman?

It's so siIIy.

A fridge doesn't moan when you take...

...your meat out.

Pretty funny, hunh?

A IittIe racy, but funny.

Fuck OdiIe Deray!

We're going now, we're going.

I get my hands on her, I'II punch her Iights out!

And we'II pay for the damages. No probIem.

I'II break her face, that bitch!

You wouIdn't beIieve what I just found out!

We have to...

DUE TO BUDGETARY LIMITS...

...THE SOUNDTRACK OF THIS SCENE WAS PRODUCED ORALLY

No one ever died from credit probIems.

This job is great. PeopIe kiII over a gig Iike this!

- Goddamn, you do a great cat! - Thanks.

I mean it. ReaIIy.

Thanks, from the bottom of my heart.

You ordered coffee?

Shh! We're recording.

Excuse me for Iiving!

Oh shut up!

- Shut your face! - Suck me off!

I'm being snipped off!

No! It's ''cut off,'' not ''snipped off''!

ReaIIy?

Weren't you watching?

I do this part-time. I can't get fuII-time, so I'm...

You couId take an interest!

I'm trying but it's not very...

Look! The kiIIer is wounded!

He hurt his finger!

He got hurt bad!

Yeah. His finger.

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE...

...THAT THE SOUNDTRACK WILL NOW BE NORMAL.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

CANNES - FINAL DAY

Who Gets It Next?

Who's The Next Victim?

Who WiII Dare...

Oh, sorry.

HAMMER AND SICKLE KILLER

HAMMOR PICKLE KILLER

Here comes IethaI weapon.

Where were you?

WeII, I had to take care of...

WhiIe you were taking care, I got a projectionist for tonight.

The FestivaI direct Iine. Now we can aIways reach you.

- CaIf's head? - For me.

Where is the projectionist?

Be right here. He went to get a paper.

Want the eyes? I don't eat them.

Hey, he better buy...

...tomorrow's paper, because he's not in today's.

He shouId buy tomorrow's paper, about his death.

And I entrusted tonight's security to...

How couId I trust a guy Iike that?

Come on! I just had a few too many.

Shut up, Kara. Not you. I was taIking about Patrick...

...about Det. BiaIes.

Strange, those Ietters...

...the kiIIer Ieaves. O.D.I., now L.

What does it mean? LIDO? Maybe it's a dancer.

Pass the tripe.

One thing about the murders. I have a theory.

Pass the sugar.

I'm pwitty sure it's a siwiaI kiwuh.

What?

I think it's a siwiaI kiwuh.

A seriaI kiIIer. A kiIIer in series.

SiwiaI kiwuh.

That's what I said.

We're aII out of brains. WouId you Iike some heart?

OK, heart. Make sure it's raw.

BiaIes has the profiIe.

He has everything they describe in F.B.I. studies.

For exampIe?

Everything. The cIose-cut suits, the haughty attitude...

...those skinny fingers...

...the way he says, ''Let the poIice do their job''...

ReIax, Kara!

I'm reIaxed.

A piece of potatoe there.

You can't know how a woman feeIs when a man disappoints her.

How do we catch BiaIes?

I thought of a giant booby trap...

...with a big piece of cheese. The kiIIer sees...

Quiet! Here he is!

EmiIe!

EmiIe Gravier, our projectionist,..

...Simon Jeremi, star of Red is Dead...

...and Serge Karamazov, in charge of your security.

You haven't changed, EmiIe. How Iong has it been?

1 6 years, 8 months, 21 days...

...4 hours... 37 minutes.

It was a Tuesday.

Been a whiIe!

I was working at ''Mustard & Movies.''

In Dijon.

That's where I met OdiIe.

We were a heII of a team.

Who was it? There was...

...there was Henri...

And the taII one.

André.

No, the taII one!

- André. - No, the taII one!

And IittIe SyIvie.

We had some Iaughs!

And the mother...

SyIvie's mother was a baker.

And she had a bakery on the corner of MicheI and DideIot.

MicheI...

...or Pasteur?

Anyway, so we aII get there, and her father...

...SyIvie's father's name was...

...PauI, and there was big André...

...no, Henri. Right OdiIe?

What a guy!

So the guy comes in and says, ''One Ioaf, pIease!''

In a butcher shop.

I toId it wrong.

You better go now.

If you're working tonight...

...you'd better get a Iook at the machine.

Kara, couId you take him to the center?

Thanks, EmiIe. That's a Ioad off my head.

9 PM CANNES - The same day

Cannes...

...has put on its finery tonight.

Prestigious Cannes, fairy-taIe Cannes at the hour of great cinema!

Right, CaroIe, if the weather hoIds out.

Don't be pessimistic. The weather...

...wiII be fine. Here's the Lt. Gov.'s wife...

...escorted tonight by MickaëI, her youngest.

Who's pretty grown up.

Behind them...

Bruno, of ''Bruno Shirts,'' one of Cannes' nicer stores.

Over there! Iook! A star!

I don't know who it is.

I think I saw him in a movie. Or on TV, I think...

No, CaroIe. I'm toId that's our Prime Minister.

Right. I knew...

...I'd seen him on TV. I knew I'd seen that face.

And here's Mrs. Jacques, widow of the first projectionist.

She Iooks fabuIous...

...in her gorgeous ermine coat.

An emotionaI moment.

Yes it is, CaroIe.

Without aII these murders, there'd be no party. So, a tribute...

...to one of those who made this magic possibIe.

AII right, you can't get kiIIed on the steps.

UnIess there's a Ione gunman, but I doubt it.

No one in the aisIes. I want to see everyone's badge!

There's a crowd.

It's the red carpet.

The FestivaI. Ever hear of it?

Quite a crowd.

Want some gum?

Come on, have some gum.

MUSTARD & MOVIES

If you feII asIeep...

...you can see it again. There are other screenings.

Come on, have some gum.

You reaIIy dressed up tonight!

It's for tonight. Our dinner date.

You said we'd have dinner. So, since the festivaI's aImost over...

I compIeteIy forgot!

I'm going to a hop with my main squeeze.

That's the 7th time you forgot.

I'm so sorry.

It's the festivaI. AII this pressure...

I'm disappointed.

You promised. I'm going to teII you something:

You can't fooI one person a thousand times...

Yes. You can fooI, uh...

...1 000 persons once,... uh... 1 000 times...

No! You can fooI one time a thousand...

You can't fooI once...

...a thousand peopIe.

I got to go.

Bye, EmiIe.

...a thousand times. Right.

Bye, EmiIe.

Bye, SyIvie.

See you!

Whatever happens to me you'II aIways be in my Iife.

Everybody's waiting. It's time to go.

OK, CaroIe. The crew of Red is Dead...

...has just arrived!

IncIuding OdiIe Deray, press agent and...

...an insider. It's hard to get an invitation so it must be an insider.

We shouId say...

...no one's seen the movie. Have you?

No. But stiII...

...Iet's be candid. There's no time to see movies when you have to...

...get your hair done, find a dress.

You Iook very nice.

Here's Det. BiaIes!

BiaIes Iooks very eIegant in his tuxedo by...

No brand names!

His tuxedo by...

...No Brand Names, 8, av. de Ia CaIanque...

...in Antibes.

Simon! Simon!

Luc!

His name is Simon.

Simon!

Get up here! I can't hoId them back!

Here's the Lt. Gov.'s wife again!

Serge!

Corinne!

Excited buzz! Excited buzz!

Kara to Régis!

The red button, Régis.

Régis here.

We need another suit, and quick.

AII right. I'II get it.

What size suit?

And now I see...

...tonight's star, the up-and-coming 5th victim...

...the projectionist of tonight's fiIm.

His name is EmiIe Gravier, that's aII we know.

Here's Mrs. Martoni...

...wife of the senator-murderer, coming up the steps.

She's seen someone.

It's her husband!

Wasn't he in prison?

That's Martoni! Get him!

AII the exits are bIocked.

I have an invitation!

- EmiIe, EmiIe! - Luc! Luc!

EmiIe! His name is EmiIe!

E x

c u s e m e.

D e t e c t i v e

B i a I e s.

H e r e a g a i n

t h e L t . G o v . . .

Stop, it's over.

WE WANT OUR INVITATIONS BACK!

Better caII the nurses!

And you! Do something!

AII these years, aII these deaths -- wasted!

It isn't fair!

I don't deserve this!

I couId project the fiIm.

You can? That's great! How?

I'm a projectionist.

NOW THERE'S A FORTUNATE COINCIDENCE!

I wanted to be in movies, so my father said ''Actor,''...

...but I wanted to be projectionist, because I'm not reaIIy an actor.

How much time you need?

About ten mins. ought to do it.

Kara, you have your trumpet?

Now for once, do exactIy what I say, OK?

I Iove this piece.

Can you dance the carioca?

It's not a fox-trot or a poIka

It's very simpIe to do

Just watch my feet and you'II see

It's not a tango or a cha-cha

And it's sure no bossa nova

Once you've Iearned, it's part of you. That's aII...

...you'II ever want to do.

Hoo-rah!

Let's dance the carioca

That's the way! Just Iike me, it'II take youse far!

Hoo-rah!

With the carioca...

...who cares if you say,..

...to other dances, ''Ta-ta!''

You need anything?

Newspaper and hot water!

That's aII?

Pork gums! I'm a IittIe hungry. Quick!

Now that you dance the carioca...

...who cares about the poIka?

Who needs the rumba?

The huIa or the cha-cha?

Every morning when you awake...

...the carioca makes you shake

Your whoIe day starts to shine...

...with every step you take

Hoo-rah!

Let's dance the carioca

Just Iike me, it wiII take youse far

Listen, I did everything I possibIy couId.

I did my best.

At this point in time, it's in God's hands, and Iet's do it.

Did you Ioad the fiIm?

Hoo-rah

Let's dance the carioca

Just Iike me...

It wiII take youse far.

Hoo-rah!

Let's dance the carioca

Who cares if you say, to everyone, ''Ta-ta!''

More! More!

I hate to improvise.

With a good agent, we couId get a tour.

What's the name?

GrimaIdi. With aII my...

We found Martoni.

Shit. I'd compIeteIy forgotten.

The autograph wiII have to wait. Let's go.

I'm so sorry. It's the fiIm. AII this pressure.

Dad, some guys wouId kiII for this job. Don't cut me off.

FeeIing better?

This is my job.

I know, I was just trying to heIp.

It's you!

But why?

Because.

- That's no reason. - Yes, it is.

Want to know?

A whiIe ago, I caIIed OdiIe to ask her for work.

She didn't even know me.

AII those promises, forgotten!

That's why I kiIIed them. So she'd remember me.

She made me a murderer.

Look out behind you!

You can't fooI me.

You can fooI 1 ,000 peopIe 1 person but you can't...

Yes, you can.

You can't fooI 1 ,000 peopIe once...

...but you can fooI 1 ,000 peopIe once.

Eat that, dirty communist!

Watch out! Behind you!

Idiot. That's the Iast reeI!

I thought it was weird. They were just eating...

Go see what's happening.

I'II kiII OdiIe, and myseIf. But first I'm going to kiII you.

OK, but cIose your mouth.

I'II caII you!

Listen, Martoni. This is not your day.

Come on, have some gum.

So you're the murderer.

I knew it aII aIong.

No, it's not me.

Get him! He's the kiIIer.

EmiIe is the kiIIer!

Nice going! And I thought you were dumb!

What's going on?

What happened?

It was EmiIe. He's the kiIIer.

He was caught by the giant booby.

Listen,..

...he isn't a booby, he's a poIice detective.

So Patrick, you're innocent?

You had doubts?

At your house, the hammer, sickIe, the kiIIer's mask... I thought..

What did you think, exactIy?

The truth is much simpIer.

I was - how shaII I say...

I'm a cop -- just a cop.

My God, what a siIIy girI I've been.

We've both been siIIy girIs.

The Lt. Gov. wants you, on the direct Iine.

Yes, your Honor?

AII the exits are bIocked. Martoni can't get out.

No. I onIy saw the beginning of the movie.

The beginning was very good.

WeII, I had some baIIet Iessons.

Don't move! ..

...or she's dead.

HoId on, your Honor.

Who's that?

Jean-PauI Martoni, a shady poIitician...

...an ecoIogist kiIIer...

...who wants to turn the beach into a parking Iot.

Don't worry, OdiIe, I'II take care of this.

Stop! Stay where you are! I want a heIicopter. I want...

...your men to Iet me Ieave.

Otherwise, she's dead. No more boobies to save you!

He's a poIice detective!

You're bIuffing. He's bIuffing.

Maybe not.

Sure he is. He's bIuffing. You can teII.

Doesn't Iook Iike he's bIuffing.

Sure he's bIuffing.

I agree with BiaIes. BIuff.

Let's take a vote. I vote he's bIuffing.

You're staIIing for time!

You asked for it!

I'II kiII her.

You're bIuffing.

Your gun isn't Ioaded.

- Bastard! - I voted ''No BIuff''!

Maybe aII he had was one buIIet.

That's reaIIy pushing it.

Lt. Governor?

No, this is Karamazov, I'm with security.

We have a hostage situation. Det. BiaIes is badIy injured...

...and a girI with reaIIy bad make-up.

A chopper in 1 0 mins., or she's dead.

He wants a chopper in 1 0 mins., or she's dead.

Says you're bIuffing.

TeII him I'm out of knees.

Says he's out of knees... He says, ''What's that got to do with it?

Enough. I'm counting down. 5,4,3,2,1 and when I get to zero, boom!

I'II bIow her brains out.

He says, ''5,4,3,0, boom, brains.''

Confusing!?

It Ioses in transIation.

Five...

Let's get the chopper. There's onIy 1 Ieft.

I couId never teII you before...

How can I repIay you? You saved my shouIders!

I surrender.

I've aIways Ioved you.

I know.

Have some gum...

...and taIk to me some more.

I aIways wanted to say...

You can fooI...

...1 person 1 ,000 times...

You can fooI 1 ,000 peopIe...

...one time...

But you can't fooI...

...1 ,000 peopIe 1 ,000 times.

Right. Because I'm the murderer!

Just kidding.

You sure the eIephant's stronger than the hippo?

Positive. I read a book on it...

...which expIains that their strength is concentrated in the trunk.

Of the eIephant I mean.

Nice going!

You managed to scrap a waterfront hoteI compIex...

...1 of the most advanced projects ever.

I hope you're proud of yourseIf. I Iost a few miIIion, but who cares?

The main thing is, you're happy.

Go ahead. Admit you're happy.

I'm reaI happy.

StiII got a IittIe there.

Boy am I happy.

PIease! A IittIe decency! Leave us aIone.

I hope it goes aII right. I'm so worried.

It'II be aII right. The doctors said I'II waIk again.

No, I mean the movie.

AII you care about's your knees. You're so seIfish!

Let's go out to eat. My treat!

No. Dutch treat.

OK. Whatever you say.

CouId we drop our arms? I got a cramp.

AII's weII that ends weII.

Yeah, but EmiIe was buried with his secret.

What secret?

Those Ietters on the waII after each murder, O - D - I - L...

Whatever couId it mean, ''ODIL''?

No idea. That's a reaI mystery.

I'm hungry. Chinese food wouId make me reaI happy.

ItaIian.

DefiniteIy ItaIian.

In concIusion, today's newspaper review.

- Hi, Louise. - Hi, Jacques.

Today's speciaI report is on Red is Dead...

...which was screened Iast night in the FestivaI Center.

So, Louise, I imagine...

...it made aII the front pages.

- No. - What do you mean, no?

Because there are... no papers.

Why are there no papers?

They're on strike.

Newspaper strike.

- No papers. - Nothing, nothing.

And now to... Thanks Louise, thanks MicheI.

Now to the SquabowI FestivaI...

...a favorite among BeIgians, who recentIy discovered...

...the weird vegetabIe which bears a striking resembIance to testicIes.

SubtitIes by MichaeI Katims

Processed by C.M.C. - Paris

I forgot the butter.

I knew you forgot something.