Original subtitles

Imitation General (1958)

Are you all right, Derby?

Ok, sir, but I think they sure

knocked our radio for a loop.

Pull over to those men, Murph.

Hey... brass!

Hey, it's a general!

Get those rifles out of the dirt!

Put your helmets back on.

What's the matter with you men?

Somebody must've told you about keeping your rifles off the ground.

Where are your officers and noncoms?

We don't know, sir.

I was an acting corporal once, sir.

You're in charge here, as of now.

You mean...?

Where's your battalion headquarters?

Overrun by Panzers, sir.

I don't think anyone got out.

Tanks? How many?

I just saw two, sir,

but there's supposed to be a lot more around.

Some guy got one with a bazooka, general,

and then they pulled out.

We expect them back any time.

Has anyone been in touch with your regimental headquarters?

Some guy started for the rear about an hour ago, sir,

but they came right back.

Said they were pretty sure we're in a pocket.

They ran into Germans no matter which way they went.

I want you to send out some runners.

Have them find out how many men in fighting condition we have left

and what they still have to fight with.

Oh, yes, sir!

Have them round up any and all radio equipment

they can find, even if it's shot up.

Maybe we can scrounge enough parts to get one set operating.

What's that over there?

That's just a farmhouse, sir.

Jerries used the house as a command post, sir, till we ran them out.

If your runners come across any officers or noncoms,

have them report to me at that farmhouse.

And tell everyone that's headquarters from now on.

Yes, sir.

You mean we're going to try and hold them, sir?

Unless I've been getting the wrong information,

that's the business this army's in, son.

Now, let's get at it.

Yes, sir.

All right, you heard what the man said.

I want 4 volunteers. Let me see, now...

All right, you two take that side.

You two, come with me.

Get him.

Well, at least it is encouraging, sir,

to know that ours isn't the only outfit

that can get completely fouled up.

Better let me look the place over, sir.

[Gramophone playing waltz]

[Water splashing]

[Gasps]

Oh, my... ahem.

[Shouting in French]

Uh, well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, mademoiselle, but...

Uh, avez-vous, uh...

Uh, uh, quelque doing in, uh, ici?

[Shouting in French]

Yeah.

Well, I'm, uh...

Look, uh, pardonez me...

Allez, allez!

Pardonez-moi... Mademoiselle.

Allez, allez!

Allez? Oui.

Yes, uh, oui, oui.

Ok, vous...

Mademoiselle.

Hope to see a little more of you later.

What is it?

That's the landlady in there.

She's not dressed for company, sir.

[Knocking]

Madame!

[Woman shouting in French]

[General speaking French]

[Woman responding in French]

She, uh, lives here.

Seems that... She was taking a bath.

[Stops music]

Fine time to take a bath.

Don't she know there's a war going on?

You know the French. They're great believers

that life must go on... Regardless.

Well, there's the answer to that vague,

uneasy feeling we were being flanked.

We were. Look. Here's our division.

There's the right flank battalion.

They get stopped here.

We keep right on schedule, moving forward.

That leaves a gap of about two miles,

which tallies with those first reports

of German tanks on our right flank.

But, sir, are we really going to stay and make a fight of it?

What else can you do when you're surrounded?

Well, sir, we could go back to headquarters

and mastermind the strategy from there.

Well, that would be fine, except...

This battalion's more or less on the same side as we are.

Besides, it could get real sticky for us if they collapsed.

What are we going to fight them with, sir?

There's nothing here that a little leadership wouldn't fix.

And there's nothing that picks up a G.I.

Like seeing a general out on the field,

where he can get shot up like the rest.

On the other hand, there's nothing

that depresses headquarters more.

You've got the picture all wrong, Murph.

They're not that set against winning the war at headquarters.

And if we don't do something here pretty quick,

this could rapidly turn into a critical situation.

I know a general is very important,

but do you really think, sir,

that seeing a general out there on the field

is going to pull these beat-up Joes together?

Well, let me put it this way, sergeant.

A general shining his pants at headquarters

sure as hell isn't going to do it.

Mademoiselle...

[Speaking French]

Mais, oui.

[Speaking French]

She says she's here alone.

She and her father took off when the shooting started.

She came back to feed the stock.

Oh, well, sir, if she's hungry,

we got some rations out in the jeep.

Well, go get 'em, corporal.

♪ Mademoiselle, she took a bath ♪

♪ parlez-vous ♪

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

What's she talking about?

She says it was the American artillery that did the damage here.

If we use this place as headquarters,

she and her father are afraid the Germans will polish off what's left.

[Speaking French]

Merci, mademoiselle.

However, she wants us to know that they're patriotic Frenchmen,

and if we need the farm, they'll be glad to let us have it.

Well, that's very nice of you, miss.

Comment?

Uh, nice. You know, very good.

You don't know what it...

General?

[Speaking French]

Yeah.

Hey, what did you tell her?

I just said that you said she was nice.

You sure that's what you said?

Oh, brother. For the rest of us

it would be a 6-month courtship,

but all the sergeant has to do is smile.

Well, she hasn't probably had very much to do with men

since way before the war.

Then she's got a good memory,

because she still remembers what one looks like.

Here we are, sir.

Here, let me help you. Mademoiselle...

Pour vous.

Pour moi? Merci beaucoup, monsieur!

Here you are. Here's some more.

[Speaking French]

Oh, that's quite all right.

It's nothing, nothing at all.

She couldn't have had any of that stuff before.

She'd be throwing it at us.

Derby?

Yes, sir.

This one's kind of special.

I want you to stay here for a while

while Murph and I go out and get things organized.

If any officers or noncoms wander in, hold them here.

Yes, sir. Oh, sir, supposing she wants something,

and I don't know what she's talking about?

I'm sure you'll think of something, buddy.

I sure will, buddy.

Oh... let me help you with that.

[Speaking French]

I wouldn't want you to hurt your little hand,

now, would I?

You know, I've been thinking.

Now that I'm here and you got nothing to worry about...

[Humming]

Hmm... maybe you'd like to take another bath,

and I can stand out here and watch out for you.

Je ne comprends pas.

Hmm. That sure didn't sound like "yes."

Well, I'll open this can of poison for you.

Oh, ici.

You think it's true, what those guys said about us being in a pocket?

Those guys are so beat-up and disorganized,

they imagine a German behind every tree.

Yeah.

Men without leaders.

You must've had a lecture on that subject

at one time or another.

I don't know, sir. The only lecture I remember

was the one about the... The care a G.I. should exercise

when selecting a female companion.

That was real entertaining.

I'm sure the Pentagon would be delighted

to hear you were entertained.

Yes, sir.

Well...

You see something, sir?

Just one of the most interesting

rock formations I've every seen.

Outside of that, nothing but some Germans

looking right back at us through their own field glasses.

No wonder our boys got clobbered.

An ant couldn't move down in this valley

without them being able to spot it from up there.

We could sure use some air support.

Yeah, but first we need some way of telling them we need air support.

Murph, get down!

[Gunfire]

Dead?

Yeah.

Where are they?

Right over in that irrigation ditch there.

Let's go.

No, wait a minute.

You go around them. I'll be the decoy.

What's the matter with you?

You want to get yourself killed, too?

Give me that clip there.

Now, look, Murph...

Let's do this so that neither one of us gets hurt.

Now, get going.

[Gunfire]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

[Shouting in German]

Let's go.

Je regrette.

Je m'excuse.

You know, after all we've been through together,

it's kind of hard to believe that he's gone.

I thought after North Africa and Sicily,

I could take most anything.

What are we going to do, Murph?

Well, first thing we got to do is

we got to get out of here.

And we got to notify division about the general.

Yeah, great. But how? How are we going to get

through any German lines if we're surrounded?

Which we are.

Well, maybe we're not.

You can count on that, boy.

I don't like this whole thing, Murph.

What whole thing?

This whole thing.

You know what I mean. I mean, after all...

Why should we wind up in a loaded mousetrap and maybe dying

with a lot of guys you don't even know?

I mean, I don't mind dying, Murph...

You just don't want to do it around a lot of strangers, that's all.

Yeah, yeah, and it's not as crazy as you make it sound.

I'm the kind of guy that only gets along with people

after I've gotten used to them.

It's a little late to write to your congressman.

Oh, very funny.

[Speaking French]

Yeah.

Don't tell me anything makes sense

when a man like that gets killed.

It sure doesn't.

Hi.

Sirs, some guy got me as I was heading back for the hospital,

and they said for all noncoms to report to you here.

Now, wait a minute. You got things all wrong there, boy.

Look, sir... I mean, believe me, sir,

I'm really in terrible shape, and I ought to be in a hospital.

What's wrong with you?

Well, it's... It's nothing you can see, sir.

I mean, I think it must be what they call "combat fatigue," sir.

Corporal, you know what it is. You've seen it.

Believe me, sir, I wouldn't be any good to you.

I'm practically in pieces inside.

Why don't you sit down over there.

I got to get to a hospital!

Sit down, corporal!

Yes, sir.

[Crying]

[Speaking French]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's all right.

Well, general, what's the gizmo from the Pentagon

on the new high-level strategy

on our typically fouled-up situation... sir?

[Crying loudly]

Now, look... are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

Yes.

General, can I see you outside a minute?

Very well, corporal.

Oh, thank you, sir.

That's all right.

Now, look, Murph...

Do you know what the articles of war say

about a G.I. impersonating an officer?

Yeah, I've read 'em.

Yeah, well, you better get your eyes examined,

because if you should happen to do this thing,

the best you could possibly get out of it is killed,

because otherwise, it's going to be 20 to life

doing full-time sledgehammer work.

Let me ask you something.

Wasn't General Lane one of the finest men you ever met?

Well, sure he was, but he never went around

pretending to be a sergeant, either.

Yes, and didn't he say that this was a very critical situation

what might be saved if the men saw a general in the field?

Oh, please. He's said a lot of things in the past two years,

and half of the time he was kidding.

This time he wasn't.

Let me ask you something else, buddy.

Look, if we find ourselves in a real fouled-up situation

and there's a way we can unfoul it,

then isn't it our duty to unfoul it?

Don't give me that.

I've heard a dozen high-ranking officers say it's a soldier's duty

to do the best he can and get back alive.

Now, we've done the best we can. Now let's get back alive.

Show me the part of the book where it says

it's a soldier's duty to impersonate an officer, huh?

Go ahead, show me.

Well, uh... Unusual situations

call for unusual solutions.

Do you have a penknife on you, by any chance?

Now, look, Murph... We've been through a lot,

as much as anybody in this army, right?

Mm-hmm.

And you said yourself it was beginning to look

as if we were going to get through alive, right?

I don't remember saying that.

But now... I mean, what's the matter?

You afraid the postwar period is going to be too dull for you?

What would you do about it?

Turn this mess over to somebody, and let's go.

Turn it over to who?

Turn it over...

All right, then let's just go.

No, you don't mean that.

Oh, I mean it.

You don't mean that at all.

I do!

Oh? Well, all right, then.

It would seem that you and I

just happen to see our duty differently.

Oh, please. Let's knock off

the Spanish-American war talk.

I'm not saying that I'm right and you're wrong.

It just so happens

that's the situation, that's all.

But you're free to go your way, old buddy of mine.

I'm free to go mine, right?

Hey, you mean it?

Sure, I mean it.

You're really going to stay here and make like General Lane and run the battle?

I'm going to try. You with me or not?

Not. N-o-t, not! Boy, you are crazy.

You are out of your mind. They're going to put you in a rubber room.

Going around impersonating...

Shh!

A general. Oh, boy, I'm going to be there

when they put the blindfold on you, buddy, laughing all the way.

Ok, buddy, ok.

Yeah.

Aw...

All right, all right.

Where would I get any sense from all of a sudden?

Good boy.

Yeah, good boy.

You know what I need now?

What?

I need one of those little black books

that gives you complete, detailed instructions

on how to run a battle.

Yeah, great. Well, looks like once again

we take the side of...

Both: Panic and confusion.

Right.

Hey, I got to do something. I'll be right back.

Yeah.

I just hope I don't mess things up for you, general, sir.

Hey. Say, honey...

Listen to me. Will you pin

these stars on my collar for me here?

Here... Right on the collar. Right here.

Look. See, like that.

One on this collar and the other on the other collar.

Would you do that for me? Thanks. Right here.

Sergent, non general!

Please, no! I know, I know,

but nobody else is supposed to know, you understand?

It's a joke, you know?

You compris joke? Ha ha ha?

Ha ha.

That's it. Yeah...

You don't.

Man, I've been carrying a dictionary

around with me for 8 months...

[Speaking French]

Come here a minute. Let me explain something to you.

I am going to be a general a little time, you know?

And, uh... You understand what that...?

See, I got a situation out there.

It's very bad, and I'm going to fix that situation,

and then I'm going to retournez-vous, and then I ici...

Uh, encore sergent.

You understand that?

Huh? Of course you do.

Please.

Yeah.

But listen, don't you tell anybody about this.

Man, you tell anybody about this...

If anybody finds out I sergeant and no general,

they'll just line me right up against that wall and bang.

I kaput!

I'll, just... That'll be it.

J'ai compris.

[Speaking French]

That's right.

Oh, man, you're the greatest.

General! What have you done to that girl?

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, you're right on time, as usual.

That's how I got to make corporal.

Oh, I know, I know.

Ahem.

Could it be that love has up and kicked us

in our high-ranking britches, general, sir?

How's the kid doing?

He's in there getting sick.

He's in bad shape, that boy.

He told me he was standing

in the middle of a bunch of guys when a German 150 went off.

Everyone around him got blown to pieces,

but he was left standing there without a scratch on him, all alone.

He'll be all right. Look, you got everything straight?

What's to get straight? You go out and run the army,

and I stay here with Simone, worrying about you.

All right. Now, look, if any guys show up,

you do something about organizing

a perimeter around here, you understand?

Yes, sir.

All right.

Oh, uh, general, sir...

What?

Hmm. Your stripes are showing.

Oh. Yes, fine.

There we are, sir.

Oh...

All right, come on, fella.

Come on, let's go.

Where to, sir?

Why, you and me are going out there

and make like two one-man armies.

We're going to knock off an enemy observation post.

Oh, no, sir. I told you I'm not in any kind of shape

to do anything like that, sir.

I wouldn't be any help to you...

Stand at attention, corporal.

Stand at attention!

You stay that way until I tell you otherwise.

Yeah.

Well... come here.

Uh, at ease and come here, will you?

Yeah.

Look... you see, I know what your trouble is.

Yeah, I do. You marched off to war,

you told everybody you'd have it over with in a few weeks,

and then you'd come marching back.

Next thing you know, you see some of your buddies get blown up,

and then you just... You go all to pieces inside.

You want to run away and hide in the nearest hospital bed.

Yeah. Well, now, let me ask you something.

What makes you think you're any different from anybody else?

Look, everybody gets scared, corporal.

Just about everybody.

And we don't expect you to go charging into some machine gun nest

with a grenade in each hand and a bayonet in between your teeth.

No, we just expect you to stick around

and be scared along with the rest of us.

Look, you take this little girl over here.

Mm-mm!

Ahem. She's even scared of us. Yeah.

But she's not running away, though.

You don't see her running.

How about you, corporal?

Right up to here.

You see?

Do you ever get scared, sir?

You're damn right, I do. I get scared lots of times.

I guess I did kind of blow my stack there.

No, that's... Forget it. That's all right.

When those things are going overhead

and bouncing around under your feet...

You don't want to ever be ashamed about being scared, you hear?

You're absolutely right, sir.

You bet I'm right. After all, that's why I'm a gen...

Uh, a general.

All right, are you with me?

If you can put up with me, sir.

Good. Fix this man up like a soldier, corporal.

Yes, sir.

There we are.

All right, here you go.

Easy, Murph.

He doesn't know how scared I really am.

If we was smart, we'd buy some German war bonds.

You drive.

Yes, sir.

Give me a hand here.

Sir?

We're going to need some armor for this job.

You get on that end. We'll put it in the jeep, huh?

All right. How do you feel now, huh?

I'm all right, sir.

Let's go. Up.

Pourquoi... Sergent... General?

Pourquoi? 'Cause he's nuts.

Just plain nuts.

Someday two guys are going to come along with white coats,

throw a net over him, and take him away.

Comprenez-vous "nuts"? Nuts.

Nuts?

Yeah.

[Whistling]

[Whispering indistinctly]

[Man speaking German]

Qui est la?

I know somebody's in there,

and if I don't get the right answer to my question,

that somebody's going to be all over a hand grenade.

Yeah? While one grenade is sailing in,

another one is going to be sailing out.

And don't ask me that cornball question

about who won the world series last year,

because the Jerries have picked that one up.

I ain't asking nothing. I'm coming in.

Ok, buddy, but you'd better look as American as a pizza pie.

[Clang]

Relax!

Well, well, well...

Just goes to show you how much

you can depend on what you hear in this army.

You know what I heard?

I heard you'd been booted out on a section 8,

and then, to spare your family the disgrace,

you blew your brains out...

With one easy shot.

Master Sergeant Orville Hutchmeyer...

The only man in the army who had enough guts

to order "retreat" while still in the states.

Ha ha!

Private Orville Hutchmeyer?

Yeah! Private Orville Hutchmeyer.

What'd you think they were going to do

after a rap like that, send me to ocs?

Oh, soldier, your story has touched my heart.

Particularly when I think of all the income

you must be losing by not being able to sell

those forged weekend passes to the rookies anymore.

Eh, so what?

You know, it got to be work anyway, when it turned out

they wasn't all as stupid as you and that moron buddy of yours...

Tsk tsk tsk. Speaking of whi...

[Door opening]

Where is that dear boy?

Ain't you two together anymore?

[Singing in French]

[Speaking French]

Derby: Lay off.

She lives here.

Yeah, I see.

Didn't answer my question, junior.

Where's Murph?

He's not here,

and lucky for you, chiseler,

because the first time Murph sees you,

he's going to walk down your throat,

stamping his feet all the way.

What, Murph is mad at me?

Listen, you two-bit goldbrick,

it's me that's going to be stamping on people's throats

when I finally catch up with that stool pigeon!

St-stool pigeon?

Did you think Murph was going to rot his life away

in the stockade, accused of stealing army binoculars?

Please, I'm tired.

And did you actually think he was going to take the rap

for the very guy that sold it to him?

And overcharged him, at that.

Look, there's an unwritten law in this man's army:

Quote... "One soldier don't squeal

on another soldier, no matter what."

Oh, really? And who wrote this

unwritten law... you? Unquote.

Look, junior...

It's not going to do you any good to plead for him...

Who's pleading?

Because I'm going to track that dogface down

if it takes me the rest of my life,

and when I find him,

I'm going to fix him good and plenty.

Oh.

Where is he?

Where is he?

Why...

I thought you knew.

Knew what?

He's dead.

Dead, huh?

Thought you said he was going to be stamping down my throat.

I said that? Mm-hmm.

How could I? He's dead.

Yeah? When?

At Normandy...

And he was killed performing one of the most

heroic deeds of the war...

Oh, please, please!

What heroic?

Clipping his toenails under enemy fire?

No, no, no, no, pal.

Well, maybe he's dead, but...

Then, he always was, but if he died

of anything more heroic than indigestion,

I'll eat his death certificate.

[Pan clangs]

Heh heh heh... Heroic.

[Speaking French]

Oui.

[Speaking french] Non, non, non!

No... no what?

She doesn't want me to leave.

Well, if you're going to stick around,

put the pin back in that grenade.

Oh...

I forgot. Here!

Look out!

[Laughing]

Sucker! The pin was in!

You ever do that again, I'll kill you.

Yeah...

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

Hey, let her alone, will you?

Lay off, will you? The kid's crazy about me.

Yeah, she's crazy about you.

Man: Eh, you was dreaming, Kent.

The day you see a one-star this close to the shooting,

that will be the same day they declare free beer

and benzedrine for every gi.

Oh, yeah? Have I got no eyes or something?

I'm telling you... I stood face-to-face with the man

and he had stars. I know what I saw.

These days, I can't believe half of the things I see.

See what I mean, Von Runstead?

Oh, who cares what he says? I saw a general! He...

All right, Herr Himmler,

if there ain't any generals in this area,

then what's that approaching?

[Vehicle motor]

Ten hut!

[Brakes squeak]

At ease.

Anybody here got some baling wire?

Baling? You haven't, huh?

You haven't seen any laying around,

have you, by any chance?

I don't think so, sir.

Oh... well, guess we'll have to use something else.

All right, a couple of you men there...

Will you take that boiler and put it

on the front of this jeep?

All right, let's move.

That's it. That's it.

Right here on the bumper will do just fine.

Are these all the men you could round up?

I've still got two runners out...

But, sir, are you the one that...

But what? Sir, it may seem...

But what, soldier?

Sorry, sir. There were some more men,

but I posted them out as sentries, sir.

Good work.

That's just what I'd have done myself.

Thank you, sir.

Yeah. Ahem. Now, uh, now, men,

it would seem that we have a, uh, quite a job

cut out for us here, and from the looks of things,

we don't have very much to do it with, now, do we?

You know, some of those belts might do the trick. Do you want to...

All right, men, let's have some belts.

Yeah, a couple of them here...

[Vehicle approaching]

[Jeep stops]

Man: All right now, men!

We've been sitting around,

feeling sorry for ourselves long enough!

After all, what have we got out there against us?

Just human beings, the same as we are!

Two arms, two legs, what are we...

[Sighs] Oh...

Well...

What?

What in the world are you doing here, sir?

I... I mean sir.

Yes.

You haven't seen me anywhere before, have you, lieutenant?

I've never seen you before in my life, sir.

Good! Sir?

I mean, uh, uh, carry on,

uh, lieutenant.

Heh! Me, sir? Oh, no, sir, you carry on.

I... I mean, if you'd like to carry on, sir.

After all, you're the general, aren't you?

Yes, uh, of course, I am.

Ahem. Hey, you don't happen to have any baling wire, uh...

Baling wire?

Yeah, you see, I want to secure this boiler

on this jeep here, you see?

Well, no, sir. I've got some telephone wire...

That will do fine, that will do fine.

Yep.

Well, actually, it's... It's really not mine, sir.

There's no doubt that things being what they are,

it's more your wire than it is mine, general.

Well, when you come right down to it,

it's really the army's wire, isn't it?

Yes, sir. Yeah.

All right, fasten that on real good, men.

Now, lieutenant...

It seems that you and I are the only officers left in this war,

so it looks like we're going to have to run the whole show ourselves.

Lieutenant Clayton, and I'm happy to be aboard, sir.

I beg your pardon?

Oh...

I... I... I'm sorry, sir.

My father was in the Navy in the first world war.

My brothers and I were raised

like on a little four-stack destroyer.

Oh.

Well, uh...

Your secret is safe with me, lieutenant.

Ahem. Now...

Uh, the first thing I think we better do

is appoint some squad leaders

and some platoon leaders and see what we can do

about establishing a perimeter of defense,

right along here somewhere.

We're going to make a stand, sir?

Well, unless I've been misinformed,

that's the business this army's in, son.

You bet it is, sir!

Good chap.

Now, uh, I'm going to leave most of the details to you,

of course, and meantime I'll see what I can do

about getting rid of that enemy observation post over there

that's been giving our boys so much trouble.

You're going to knock it out yourself, sir?

Well, as you go along in life, son,

and get a little higher in rank,

you'll find that if you want to be sure,

that you're going to get the job done, you do it yourself.

Do it yourself.

Yeah.

All right. How you doing here, men?

About ready, sir. Fine.

I'll remember what you've told me, sir...

Yeah, you do that.

And thank you.

It's all right.

Now I think I'll be moving along.

Oh, uh, I'm going to need your Tommy Gun here.

Oh, go right ahead, sir.

After all, it's... it's not my...

Murphy: Here. I'll drive.

"V" for victory, lieutenant!

Boys, there's no getting away from it.

You can tell a west point man every time.

[Birds chirping]

Here...

All right. It's up to you.

From now on, you take care of me.

Now, want to get up there? Come on, let's go.

[Engine starts]

Ready?

[Speaking German]

[Jeep approaching]

[Shouting]

[Gunfire]

[Bullets ricocheting]

Look out behind you, general!

[Gunshot]

Got a little rough in there for a minute, huh, corporal?

Beats picking cotton for a living, general.

Yeah, it sure does.

Yes, it... sure does.

Come on. Give me a hand with this.

I'll help you.

I never saw a general like that before.

I never did, either.

Get the men up to that position and hold it!

Yes, sir!

[Boiler rattling]

Let's get this off of here.

Bring the radio inside.

Yes, sir.

Attention!

Ahem. Uh, glad to see you back, general.

What?

Oh...

Yeah. Ahem.

Well, carry on, men.

Eh...

When will that food be ready, ...?

Oh, send the boy back for it in about 5 minutes.

Hey, soldier, give me a hand with this boy, will you?

Sure.

Where are they taking him?

We've got an aid station fixed up in the barn.

Simone helped the medic.

Heh heh heh!

Man, that boiler worked real good up there.

Yeah, I know.

You know what?

I watched you through the general's field glasses.

What were you trying to prove...

That all generals are screwy?

Hey, where'd you dig all this up?

[Sniffs] Eh, it smells good. What is it?

Don't ask any questions.

Just eat while you can still enjoy it.

Why? What's in it?

Oh, I'm not talking about the stew.

Well, then, what are you talking about?

Nothing. Just sit down and relax.

You're going to need it.

Need what?

La belle Simone's own heavenly hodgepodge.

Well, you're trying to tell me something, Derby.

Now, will you get it off your mind? What is it?

[Sniffs]

1927... wonderful year for corks.

You know, you're beginning to worry me now.

What is it...

All right, all right.

If you want your entire digestion shot to shreds.

Who do you think walked in through that window after you left?

Look, I haven't the slightest idea...

Our old buddy,

former Master Sergeant Orville Hutchmeyer.

[Distant shelling]

Oh, you mean the... The Creature of Company C?

The Beast of Barracks B.

[Chuckling]

Oh, man, this is a real small war, isn't it?

Yeah, a little too small for us.

[Coughs]

Hutchmeyer?

Hell, I got to get out of here before he sees me, boy!

Relax. He's gone.

He gone? What? Gone where?

Some crazy bloodstained lieutenant

came charging in here and ran him out.

Besides, he thinks you're dead.

He thinks I'm dead?

Well, what made him think that?

Because I told him,

and what I told him. Heh!

As a matter of fact, you're such a hero dead,

you're crazy to go on living.

You made him believe that?

Please! Heh heh!

Well, how do you like that?

[Sighs] Well...

Hey, good old Hutch.

Heh heh!

Hey, do you suppose he remembers the...

3 months he spent in the stockade

because he tried to double-cross me?

He remembers it very well, buddy,

and should he happen to forget,

he's got an empty place on his sleeve

where his stripes used to be to remind him.

Whew! Boy, if that boy ever sees you!

Hey, this is chicken!

Of course.

Where'd you get it?

Well, we were outside, gathering up some stuff

to make the C-rations taste better,

when this chicken comes along and attacks Simone.

Yeah, don't look at me.

They're pretty ferocious, those chickens around here,

but let me tell you something, buddy... No kidding.

In 3 seconds flat,

she outran it, outwrestled it, and outfought it...

Chicken.

You want me to tell you something?

She's going to make some guy a wonderful wife someday.

I mean that.

Oh, incidentally, I got a couple of tanks for you.

In the trees, near the main road.

All right. Now we're getting somewhere.

Mmm, maybe. They pulled in here out of gas,

you know, looking for a service station,

so I told them, "you just go one block up...

Turn left and go straight ahead 4,000 miles."

Oh, you... Heard that one before, huh?

Yeah. Well, I haven't heard it recently, old buddy.

And where's Simone now?

She's in there, getting prettied up.

Hey, you know... This was her idea?

Good idea.

[Distant whistling]

Shh.

What?

Shh!

[Man singing in distance]

[Whistling]

[Singing]

[Whispering] Hutchmeyer!

Aahh!

No, no! Shh!

[Shouting in French]

I'm sorry! There's somebody out there I don't want to see!

Please! Shh! No.

Oh...

Please? Shh!

Please... please! Will you please?

[Whispering] Will you be quiet for just...

Please. I'll only be here a minute.

Oh, I got to get rid of these.

I got... I got to get...

Oh, non! Non!

Yes! Non!

Please! I'm not doing anything.

Will you please just be quiet?

[Shouting]

Just be quiet, please.

[Breathing heavily]

Honey, will you take this off my collar?

Non! Non!

Quick! Will you take... Just take it off my collar, will you?

Non! Non!

Honey? Wait a minute! Wait!

[Screams]

Oh, that's it! If he thinks

there's more going on here than there is,

then maybe he'll think that there's more

going on than there is.

[Shouts] Non!

[Whistling a tune]

[Sings in French]

Thought you'd be gone.

No, I'm still here.

What are you doing back?

That lieutenant ain't around, is he?

No, he's, uh... Somewhere up on the hill over there,

but, uh... He'll be right back.

Say, how come he didn't roust you out, too?

I don't take orders from him. This is headquarters.

Where's la belle?

She don't wear 'em, and she's gone, too.

But she'll be back, won't she?

Eh...

[Simone speaking French]

Shh!

Murphy: Will you please be quiet?

[Waltz playing]

Hey, music for me?

Yeah! I thought we could dance!

What are you screaming about?

Who's screaming?

Look, junior... all I was going to say...

I've been thinking now that that poor old rat Murphy...

Hey, you watch what you say about Murph,

or his ghost will come back and haunt you

for the rest of your evil days...

Ah, his ghost! Look, all I was going to say, pal, is,

now that he's gone, maybe you and me could be buddies.

You know... Sort of share and share alike?

You like that bike out there...

No, no, no! Two reasons, no:

One... Murph will come back and haunt me;

two... she wouldn't have anything to do with you.

Now, you better get out of here before lieutenant comes back.

Simone: Aahh! Non!

Non! Non! [Shouting in French]

Yeah, louder... louder!

Non! Oh! Oh!

Don't! No, wait!

[Crying]

[Banging]

Trying to get away from me, huh?

You come back here!

[Bang bang]

Oh... lying to your old pal already, huh?

Uh... go ahead. Go right in.

The general will be happy to see you.

General?

Yeah, general, general!

That's what I've been trying to tell you, you jerk!

I can't make a deal with you! It's his girl!

Hey, there's something fishy going on around here,

and I'm going to find out what.

There's nothing fishy going...

Uh... why don't you give him his helmet when you go in?

That will be a good excuse.

That really is a general?

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Now, why don't you get out of here?

Will you get out of here?

Heh heh!

You know, the old boy doesn't seem to be doing so good.

All the more reason for you to get out of here.

Now, beat it!

Maybe these will help.

Yeah, fine.

Well, it's very decent of you...

And don't forget to tell him where you got them.

I certainly will. He'll appreciate it very much.

Simone: Aah! Non!

[Crash]

Yeah! Ahem!

Oh! Trying to bite me now, hey?

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

What? Wha-what's going on here?

What did she say?

He's drunk! He's nuts!

Drunk, eh?

Well, you can't let him out when he gets this way.

Go find a medic.

[Speaking French]

[Speaking French]

Get out of the way. I'll handle him.

You're going to handle the general? Then you're nuts.

I'm not losing my stripes. Come on!

Hutchmeyer: Oh, no, you don't!

Get away from that bike!

Oh, no! Wait a minute, Hutch!

You're not going to leave me here with him, are you?

Let me ride on the handlebars...

Beat it! He's your problem!

Hutch...

Give me those, too, sucker.

Oh, Hutch, don't.

No, Hutch! Don't leave me here!

Hey, Hutch!

Hutch?

[Distant shelling]

[Sighs]

Ok, Murph.

[Speaking French]

Oh!

[Sighs]

All... all I can say is I'm very sorry.

[Speaking French]

I'm very sorry, honey.

Please? Shh. Please?

No, no!

I didn't mean it, honey.

No, no!

Shh. Look... Nothing, see?

I'm not going to do nothing,

but just listen to me...

That's a very bad man out there.

He's... he's so bad, you know, he...

Me no general, me sergeant,

and you know what would happen if...

Derby: Boy, that was a close call!

Yeah, listen, I can't make her understand

what I'm trying to say. Will you try and help me here?

Listen to him. Yeah, look, honey.

You know the fella that was in here a minute ago?

Well, he's what we call a...

A... le miserable soldat.

You know... A miserable soldier?

Oh, he is the most miserable soldier!

That's right, and... And if he see Murph playing the general,

psst! Poof! Boom! Fini!

I'm just kaput, like I said.

Remember, I told you?

That's right. Eh?

She got it, she got it.

She got a cute sense of humor.

Oh, thanks, honey.

[Speaking French]

Yeah, I need one, too.

Make it for 3.

Oh, man!

Merci.

[Speaking French]

Hey, I don't know what you're saying,

but here's to you.

Vive la France.

A vous.

Hey, I better get my jacket.

Relax, honey.

I'm going to get you something to eat right now.

Yes sirree!

Here you are...

And this is the loser.

Now...

[Sighs]

What are you doing?

Fixing your girl something to eat.

What do you think I'm doing?

My girl? Oh, now, here.

Well, I always operate under the assumption

if they're not mine, they must be yours.

Well, considering what's been going on around here,

that's a pretty silly thing to say.

Sorry, sir.

Yeah, spreading rumors like that

is what gives soldiers a bad name.

Shh shh. Never mind. Don't... don't bother to answer.

Now... ahem.

Well, outside of our recent problem,

what have you been doing?

Vous nuts.

What?

Parle bon?

Tsk. Oh, you...

What else did you teach her?

Oh...

You know, you know.

Yes. Oh, yes, I know.

Yeah, my... my pal.

Pay no attention to him. Maybe he'll go away.

[Speaking French]

That's right.

Hey, where did you say those tanks were?

In a clump of trees, near the road.

Why, shouldn't I have said that, general?

I got to get them someplace where they'll do some good

when those jokers attack.

Well, you better eat first.

[Footsteps]

Excuse me, sir.

Yeah?

Derby, the medic wants to know

if that chow's ready.

Take it away.

General, I wonder if I'd have time

to get a bite to eat. I'm mighty hungry.

No, we'll get some C-rations on the way.

C-rations?

Corporal, I don't think you quite realize

the years of research and the millions of dollars

that went into the development of the...

Completely balanced C-ration.

Well... you've got me all wrong, sir.

I... I'm one of the few guys in the army

that really loves that stuff.

Yes, sir. I... Why, lots of times

I traded my cookies and... and candies from home

to the other men for their C-rations, sir.

Well, boy, you've just earned yourself a piece of chicken.

Thank you, sir!

Yeah.

Here, take this along from me, will you?

Yes, sir.

He belongs.

I'll be back in a little while.

You know...

If she's my girl, like you say,

I don't see her alone very often.

[Speaking French]

If you can tell me one thing...

I repeat... one thing...

That you could say to her alone

that you couldn't say to her in front of me

and 20 other people in this room, then I'll clear out.

Derby: Go ahead.

Can't think of one thing?

Half-thing?

Mm-hmm. Then, you'll excuse me, all right?

Bonne chance.

You're better off when you keep your mouth shut... sir.

[Distant shelling]

And then...

Just as it looked like all was lost,

Hannibal brought up his elephants,

and using them just the way we use tanks today,

drew them into the battle...

And in a matter of minutes,

the tide of combat had turned,

and Hannibal won the day,

thus laying down the pattern for tank warfare

hundreds of years before even the advent

of the first tank.

You memorized this all out of a book, didn't you?

Well... Yes, sir, uh...

I did do an awful lot of reading, general.

Hmm. No time for anything else, huh?

Well...

When I was reading that book about Hannibal

I was a little too young to think of girls.

Then you must have started reading awful young.

Yes, sir,

but, general, I've learned an awful lot about them since,

and you'd be surprised. Why, since I've been in this uniform...

Oh, please. These intimate, uh...

Sordid confessions upset me very much, you know.

Sir, I wasn't going to say anything that...

It's all right.

Man: Get that tank in position.

Murphy: This bridge hold a German tank?

Yes, I think so, sir.

Unless they thought it was mined.

Then they'd have to go around it.

Their guns would be depressed.

They wouldn't be able to get a shot at us.

Yeah, then there would be a few seconds

when they came up this side that they'd be belly-up to us

and we'd really have them, wouldn't we, sir?

Right. That's a good idea,

but we... we don't have any mines.

Well, it wouldn't have to be mined.

They just got to think it's mined,

that's all.

Yeah, well, how's that, sir?

Well, why be subtle about this?

Why don't we have a sign painted in German

saying "Bridge Mined,"

and we'll set it up on the other side, huh?

Put up a sign, sir?

Yeah, why not? What have we got to lose?

Come to think of it, lieutenant, what would you do

if you suddenly came on a bridge

that had a sign on it that said it was mined?

Well, I... I'd hesitate a long time.

There you are! Maybe it's a phony,

but who's going to take a chance at finding out?

Like the general says, "what have we got to lose?"

Well, I can handle it, sir.

I've run into lots of their signs in the last two years.

All right. You do that.

Is this the only way they can cross, sir?

No, there's a natural crossing

about a mile up there.

They'll probably try to come both places.

We got anything there to stop them with, sir?

Oh, we will have.

Now, here's how I want you to do:

Get your tanks in these two buildings here.

That way we'll cover both sides of that bridge.

Yes, sir.

[Distant shelling]

[Engine fires up]

Murphy: All right, you men! Come over here!

[Wheels squeaking]

Well... tsk.

You've, uh, finally reached the point

where you're going to have to start

paying the government back for all those months

of riotous living you've been enjoying now...

[Sighs] Yeah, it isn't very funny, is it?

[Sparse chuckling]

No...

Well, look, uh...

You know the situation...

Certainly as well as I do...

And you know it's pretty bad,

but, you know, let's not kid ourselves.

It could be a lot worse.

Now, we have one thing... one thing in our favor,

and that is that the Germans didn't quite realize

just how bad the situation was here.

If they did realize it, they weren't in a position

to take advantage of it just as...

Soon as they should have...

So... for every minute that we can hold them up

once they get started,

that's good for us and it's bad for them.

How soon do you think we can expect some help, sir?

I don't know, lieutenant,

but I... I do know that no sector stays out of contact

with division headquarters too long

before they finally send somebody to find out

just what's the matter...

So the only trick that we've got to pull is to...

Is to be here when they finally get to us.

[Vehicle approaching]

Guard him.

Sir?

Where'd you get him?

Well, sir, talk about people who think north is south.

We picked him up cruising leisurely down the road

like he was on his way over to see his girl,

which, it later turned out, he was.

Where'd he think he was?

He thought he was on that main highway to Paris.

That's about 25 miles behind the present German lines.

Anyway, sir, I, uh... I thought I should get over here

with something that slipped out while I was questioning him.

Yeah, what's that?

Well, sir, he let slip

that there's some type of German tank unit moving in

about 3 miles further up this road.

He say how many?

No, sir. As soon as he realized what he said,

he... forgot how to speak English.

[Distant shelling]

Heh. If you'd like, sir,

I'll take a man and go in there and see what he's got...

No, no, no. I need you here.

Don't you think someone should go, sir?

Yeah, someone will. I will.

Well, general,

if I may be excused, sir, uh...

Well, I just don't think it's right

for someone with your years of background and training

to... to risk your life doing a job

that just any noncom or enlisted man could do, sir.

"Just any noncom," did you say, lieutenant?

Do you mean to tell me that you've been

in the army for more than a week and you have not yet learned

that the noncommissioned officer just happens

to be the very backbone and foundation of this army?

Well, sir, I...

It's all right.

It's a good thing the rest of these men here understand it

even though you don't.

I do understand it, sir.

I just forgot for a minute.

You forgot?

Well, no, sir. I mean...

All right. We'll forget this lapse for the moment,

but I hope I can keep it off your record.

Oh, thank you, sir. You'll never regret it, sir.

Ah.

Just one more last word, lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

If it should ever be your decision

as to whether to sacrifice, say, a general

or, um... say, a Master Sergeant...

I'll sacrifice the general every time, sir.

Ha ha ha ha!

I didn't mean that, sir.

You didn't? Yes, sir.

You did? Yes, sir.

You did. Yes, sir.

All right. Come here.

I suppose that you've noticed on your map

there are only two places that the Germans might cross.

These tanks will take care of this one.

The other one's up to you.

Yes, sir.

Were you able to find any bazookas?

One sir. I've got a man out who thinks he knows where there's another.

If you'll excuse me, sir,

I'll go fix up that German sign.

You do that, will you? Thanks.

Say, you know, it might be a good idea

for me to take along somebody who speaks German

just in case I overhear something.

Anybody here speak German?

No, not you.

You probably speak it too well.

There is a man with a unit who sprechens Deutsch,

general, if I can find him.

Find. Well, send for him.

Go back up in that grove

and see if you can find Private Orville Hutchmeyer.

Yes, sir.

You! You move one foot to the rear,

and I'll court martial you, so help me.

Sir?

Do you mean to tell me that you've got a man

running around this sector you don't know where he is?

Well, sir...

Never mind that. We just can't spare anybody from this unit right now.

You understand? All right. Carry on, lieutenant.

Let's go, man. Come on, let's go!

[Vehicle approaching]

I got to talk to you, general.

Yeah, what is it?

Alone, sir. This is top drawer stuff.

Take the jeep over under those trees.

Let's not stand in the middle of the road talking.

Well, what's the matter?

What's wrong with the middle of the road?

Hutchmeyer. He's back at the farmhouse

looking out that window that looks up the middle of this road.

Now what's he doing back there?

One guess.

You left her alone with him?

Relax. The minute she saw him coming back,

she lit out for the woods like Jack the Ripper was just showing up.

Well, I consider this act of Hutchmeyer's

nothing but desertion in the face of enemy fire.

Well spoken, general.

Yes. I mean, yeah, well...

Why can't he stay out here in the fresh air

where there's a chance of him getting shot

along with the rest of us?

I suggested the same thing,

but I must have seemed a little too anxious.

Hey, how do you like that?

Here I am, I'm a general,

and I can't get back into my own command post

because I'm afraid some private's going to tell on me.

Well, that's a switch.

What? No, thanks.

You know, here I am impersonating a man

with one of the finest, one of the most honorable

records in the whole army.

And now because of what I've done,

all that's at stake.

You know, it could turn out that the only thing

that he'll be remembered for

is the way I conduct myself this afternoon.

I didn't think about that until it was too late.

Well, I hate to be an I-told-you-so guy,

but I remember way back this afternoon

when you came up with this whole foul ball idea.

All right, all right. What are you...

Ok, general. If you want to stifle free speech,

go right ahead,

only I was led to believe that's what we're fighting for.

I'm trying to think. Will you just...

[Sighs]

Man...

Boy, I wonder what's holding the Jerries up.

I've never seen them muff a chance like this before.

They better get started pretty quick.

They're going to run out of daylight.

[Distant gunfire]

[Explosions]

I'm glad Simone's safe over in those woods.

[Explosions continue]

However, I'm afraid we must reluctantly bid farewell

to our good friend Private Orville Hutchmeyer.

Ha! You want to bet?

Look.

Wonder where he was during the last Olympics.

Yeah, no wonder he stays alive.

He can outpedal anything they can shoot at him.

Come on, let's go.

Back to the bridge!

[Explosion]

Man: Come on! Get out of there!

All right, get ready. They'll be right behind us.

Here they come.

I'm going to let them get right on top of us

before we open up on them.

I don't want anybody getting jumpy and giving us away.

That goes for everybody, you understand?

Yes, sir.

Corporal sellers? Yes, sir.

I want to use the radio, so get over to that other tank

and give them the same instructions I gave the lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

General, what if these particular Germans of ours

can't read or don't believe in signs?

You believe in signs, don't you, Derby?

If this thing works, it's sure going to change our thinking about warfare.

We'll just plaster the battlefield with signs.

"Surrender" here, "Drop Dead" there,

and everybody will line up to do it.

That's right.

They're getting close, sir.

Let's give them a good old-fashioned surprise party.

I'm getting worried, sir.

What?

I'm wondering if I spelled that sign right.

It's a fine time to think about it.

I wish he hadn't said that.

[Speaking German]

Fire!

Hold it.

[Speaking German]

It worked.

Sir.

Don't you think...

Now!

Go get them!

[Gunfire]

Get that stuff off the tube.

Get over to the other side

before they catch us down here.

Pass the word to the other tank.

Yes, sir.

Where's General Lane?

Down there with the tanks.

You know, sir, we're going to be hit with more tanks any minute.

This time, we're going to be no surprise to them.

General Lane! General Lane, sir!

I have a message from Lieutenant Clayton.

We got hit by 4 tanks, sir.

Lieutenant said to tell you they hit us

at just the same spot you thought they would.

Anyway, we knocked out two of them, sir,

but two more broke through and they're headed right this way.

Which way are they coming from?

The last time we saw them,

they were right along the creekbed, sir.

They could be showing up at any time.

I guess we could pull one tank out of here

and go meet them, sir.

No, I want them both here, but move that one back a couple of hundred yards.

Yes, sir.

It looks like we're going to have to do this ourselves.

But we're going to need another man, sir.

Yeah.

Corporal sellers!

Now, wait a minute, boys.

I'm only one man.

A good man, but only one man.

Corporal sellers!

Right here, sir.

Those guys keep shooting at you all the time.

Just stay with me.

Yes, sir.

Report back to lieutenant Clayton

and give him our position.

Yes, sir.

You men, give me your helmets.

Helmets? Get them off!

Keep your line and unfasten your straps!

You two fill them with mud.

May I ask what the general intends to do with them?

We're going to capture a couple of tanks.

Oh.

Yes, sir.

All right, let's go, let's go.

Hurry up with that mud.

Corporal, how do you figure to capture tanks

with helmets and mud, huh?

That's easy, sir. We do it all the time.

Murphy: Derby!

Coming, sir.

All right, you heard him the same as I did.

Now take cover.

You got it straight in your mind how this goes?

Yes, sir, but have you ever heard of this thing actually working?

Heard of it working?

We knocked out so many tanks all over North Africa and Sicily

with this system, some people are giving us full credit for the victory.

Yeah, some people.

The ones that didn't know what they were talking about.

Oh, yeah? I heard General Lane say on many occasion...

I mean, well, didn't you, sir?

Exactly my words, corporal.

Sure. I remember it very well.

That's what the general said.

[Distant explosions]

Wait.

Now they should come over that rise there,

cruising along with their hatches open.

They usually open them every chance they get.

Just before they get to this tree here,

you open up on them, you understand?

They'll batten down. That'll take about 20 seconds.

In that 20 seconds, they're about as blind as bats,

except for the periscope. You understand?

How many periscopes do they have, sir?

Never mind that. That's our problem.

Now if there's any infantry behind those tanks,

you take care of the infantry, right?

Take care of the infantry?

Now, here.

You take cover behind that log there.

Don't worry about a thing, corporal.

It's going to be as easy as kissing a pretty girl.

Then we're dead, sir, 'cause I never had any luck there at all.

What a crock!

After all the dirty fighting we been through.

We get a nice, safe headquarters job, and what happens?

Here.

We can't wait until we get out here again and get our heads blown off.

Well, if you're the stuff that heroes are made of,

it'll come out one way or another.

Don't look at me, pal. I'm a devout coward.

That makes two of us.

Hey, Murph.

What are you going to do when the war's over?

I figured on going in business with you.

Oh, naturally, the business would have to be basically dishonest.

Naturally.

[Vehicle approaching]

Good luck.

[Shouting in German]

[Clanking on tank]

Ha ha ha!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Ha ha ha!

That was the craziest thing I ever saw!

Aw, that was nothing.

One time, the general and I were...

Look out!

All right, you heinies, come on out of there!

Come on out!

[Repeating in German]

Hey, that's Clayton.

Do you hear me?

Hey!

Wish I had a white handkerchief.

I've got one, sir.

Huh? Oh.

I'll talk to them.

[Shouting in German]

Hutchmeyer.

Here.

I'll wait down there.

Where's the general going?

No place, and he was never with us, you understand?

What do you mean he was never with us?

Tell them to come out with their hands up.

[Shouting in German]

Come on.

Well, if it ain't dopy Derby!

What?

You know that corporal with General Lane.

Yeah.

Derby: Hold it, lieutenant.

Don't move another step, sir.

What?

We haven't had a chance to clear the strip of mines yet, sir.

Mines?

Yes, sir, all over this area, sir.

Up around the rise and all the way around to the bend, sir.

What makes you think this area is mined, corporal?

What makes you think it isn't, lieutenant?

I see what you mean.

Yes, sir.

Derby, no kidding. What's happening?

Shh!

I know that guy from way back. He's up to something.

Oh, really, private?

Would you mind telling me what possible ulterior motive

the corporal might have, outside of trying to save our lives, of course?

For one thing, lieutenant...

That will be all, private!

A man of General Lane's caliber simply wouldn't have a man around him

who couldn't be trusted.

Well, generals can make mistakes, sir.

That's why they put erasers on army pencils!

That is not why they put them on there at all!

That's enough, private!

Yes, sir.

Where is the general now, corporal?

The general, sir? He's down there near the headquarters.

They got a phone, sir, on the reconnoitering position.

I got to get near the caramen and the asafer,

and I got to check the philby.

What did you say, corporal?

Lieutenant, can't you see...

[Bomb whistling]

Murph, let's get out of here. Here's your chance!

Murph. Murph!

Lieutenant, the general's been hit.

Get him to the first aid station at the farmhouse.

Yes, sir.

Couple of you men, give him a hand.

What are you trying to do, smother him?

Beat it, junior. Give me a hand here, will you?

I got to stop the bleeding, don't I?

Is he hurt bad?

I don't know.

All right, men, let's don't stand around.

Follow me!

Come on, corporal. Come on, come on.

[Speaking indistinctly]

Corporal.

Corporal!

Corporal!

Corporal!

Corporal!

[Speaking French]

Oh, good.

Well, it's about time!

We got to get out of here.

Down, boy, down. It's all over.

What, the war?

Our little hunk of it is, for a minute, anyway.

I'm telling you, buddy,

taking that piece of shrapnel in the head when you did

was the smartest thing you ever pulled off in your whole life.

What are you talking about?

Well, we were bringing you back to first aid, when a barrage starts up.

So Hutchmeyer dumps you...

Hutchmeyer? What did he say? What did he say?

Strong as an ox, that boy, Murph.

He carried you all the way.

You're not making any sense at all right now.

Well, if you'll just let me finish.

Hutch didn't know it was you on account

of the bandage I slapped across your face.

So after he dumps you in the yard and he runs for cover,

Simone and I dragged you down here, relieved you of your stars,

and hid you right here in the corner.

Well, we got to get back to work.

I told you it was all over.

That last barrage was ours.

Right behind that came our relief column.

So I reported to the colonel in charge

and told him about General Lane's death.

They came down here and they took him away, and that was that.

I must have really been out.

For the count. Easy.

Easy, Murph.

[Speaking French]

Thank you.

Wait a minute. What about all those guys

that saw me as General Lane?

Stop worrying. They're on their way back to a rest camp

with lieutenant Clayton.

I got to sit down.

You should have seen the colonel, Murph.

He did everything but kiss Clayton on both cheeks

for the brave and inspired stand he made.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, and there's not much doubt that General Lane

will be decorated for all the crazy things you did this afternoon.

I'm glad.

To him.

Yeah.

So if you want a medal for yourself,

you'll have to find another spot and do it all over again.

Oh, no. You do it all over again.

I'll borrow your medal.

Oh. Here's your gear. Let's move.

Right.

Some demotion, huh?

Yeah, but at least you're back in a rank

where if you make a mistake,

men don't die and countries don't fall.

That's very profound, corporal.

Thank you.

Ow!

How did I get this bump on the back of my head?

Here, look at that.

Oh, I did that one.

What?

Unfortunately, Murph, you see, you was starting to come to

when they were taking the general out of here.

So, whammo! I just had to do it.

Oh. Well, thanks a lot.

I enjoyed it, too.

I'm sure you did.

Well...

Well... ha ha!

Well, what a day.

Yeah.

I win a medal I'm not going to get.

I meet this wonderful, beautiful girl

that I'm certainly not going to get.

[Speaking French]

You see?

Huh?

No medal, no girl, no nothing.

Relax, man. All you two have is a teenage crush.

Ah, how would you know that?

Well, so I'm wrong, but there's one thing I do know.

We better get back to our outfit

before we're listed as deserters.

And she can't come along.

So what difference does it make if it's true love

or just a plain old case of hanky panky?

Come here.

It's dark out.

It usually is at night.

Oh, I must have...

[Crash]

Man: Shh!

[Man singing drunkenly]

I forgot to tell you.

[Hutchmeyer singing in German]

Good-bye, honey.

Bye.

This isn't going to last forever,

and, uh...

Someday, I'll...

Man, this is going to be rough.

Oh.

I tell you what.

This is for you.

No reason. I just think that you ought to have it to wear.

Uh... perhaps... Let me explain it to you this way.

Uh... I... return.

Et vous pour vous... ici.

[Hutchmeyer shouting indistinctly]

Hey, I can't leave her here with him hanging around.

Sure took you a long time to wake up.

She's liable not to be here when I get back.

So?

You're sure he thinks I'm dead?

And buried.

Uh-huh.

You got a flashlight in there?

Sure.

Ah, there it is.

I mean, you got it, Hutch.

Charm. Charm.

[Singing]

Hutchmeyer.

Ha ha! What do you want?

Hey, pal, you called me. I didn't call you.

I mean, let's get that straight.

Hutchmeyer.

Hmm...

Playing games, eh?

Few little games, huh?

Trying to...

Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer. Hutchmeyer.

Up here, Hutch.

Well, good old Hutch.

Man, you haven't changed at all, have you?

Oh, well...

I didn't mean you no harm, Murph.

We're pals.

We're pals.

I mean, put yourself in my place.

You ain't dead!

You're darn right I'm not.

But you will be.

Dead, huh?

You phony!

Why, you guys are in a lot of trouble!

Aaah!

Kidnapping, huh?

Why, you'll never get away with this!

Quiet, quiet!

Sellers: General! Hey, general, sir!

Hey, general!

Shh! Quiet. Will you be quiet?

Don't you ever call me general again,

you hear that, corporal?

No, sir. No.

I'm Master Sergeant Murphy.

Yes, sir. What I wanted to tell you was

that they're reorganizing the unit, and I want to go with you, sir.

You didn't hear what I said.

I said I'm Master Sergeant Murphy.

Who cares, sir? I want to go with you.

Well, get in, boy.