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All language subtitles for Hollywood or Bust (1956) Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,489 Ladies and gentlemen, this motion picture is dedicated to you. 2 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,723 To you in this theater 3 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,359 and to all refugees from television throughout the world. 4 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,727 We in the motion picture industry 5 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,563 would like to pay tribute to a most wonderful person. 6 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,665 And here he is, the American movie fan. 7 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,645 We also would like to pay tribute to the British movie fan. 8 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,222 Half a mo. 9 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,397 Our hats are off to the honorable Oriental movie fan. 10 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,571 (EXCLAIMS) 11 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,681 This is a French movie fan. 12 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,217 He hasn't seen a movie in years. 13 00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,492 In all countries throughout the world, 14 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,294 the movie fan enjoys the movie. 15 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:35,529 (EXCLAIMING) 16 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:40,134 Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! 17 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:44,272 Yes, there are movie fans everywhere but wherever they are 18 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:49,076 you can bet they would all like to go to Hollywood or bust! 19 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,480 * Land of stardust and land of glamour 20 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,649 * VistaVision and Cinerama. 21 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,419 MALCOLM: * Everyone considers it a must. 22 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:02,390 BOTH: * To get to Hollywood or bust! 23 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:05,793 * Kids from Kansas to Pennsylvania 24 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,197 * Soon develop that movie mania 25 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,832 * Driving their jalopies through the dust. 26 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,902 BOTH: * En route to Hollywood or bust 27 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:19,440 * When I park my tootsies in Hollywood 28 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,810 * Brother, I'm gonna stay 29 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:26,214 * Till the day those footprints at Grauman's 30 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:29,517 * Get up and start walkin' away 31 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:33,321 * Land of burgers and land of wienies 32 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,457 * Bathing beauties in their bikinis 33 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,726 * All agree in Paramount we trust. 34 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,431 BOTH: * So hop a train or trolley 35 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:47,201 * Out to jolly Hollywood 36 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,771 * Hollywood or bust. 37 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,808 CHORUS: * It looks like love 38 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,910 * It feels like love. 39 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,165 COMMENTATOR OVER PA: Tiny Tim takes the lead. 40 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,233 Bachelor is second. 41 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,668 A Stitch In Time is third. 42 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,570 One length behind is Miss Connie B. 43 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,438 And now it's Bachelor coming up fast. 44 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,240 It's Bachelor and She's A Girl. 45 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,675 It's Bachelor and She's A Girl. 46 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,909 Bachelor gaining ground. 47 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,478 Bachelor has taken the lead. 48 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,812 She's A Girl is hanging on. 49 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,914 Turning for home, Bachelor moves in close. 50 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,716 It's Bachelor and She's A Girl. 51 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,318 Coming into the stretch, it's Bachelor 52 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,686 and She's A Girl neck and neck. 53 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,521 Bachelor is crowding She's A Girl. 54 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,256 It's Bachelor making his move. 55 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,191 And now moving up it's Tiny Tim. 56 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,893 Tiny Tim coming up behind Bachelor. 57 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,762 It's Tiny Tim right on Bachelor's tail. 58 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,200 Say good night to the redhead! 59 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,435 Good night, redhead. 60 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,705 Are you going to let him talk to me that way? 61 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,773 Yeah, yeah. I'll see you later. 62 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,908 How much later? 63 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,776 3,000 bucks later! Beat it! 64 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,816 The boss got awful nervous about his investment. 65 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,950 Give me a chance, Bookie. 66 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,619 I'm playing a sure thing tonight. 67 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,421 Tonight? Who're you kidding? 68 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,722 Tracks don't run at night. 69 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,425 I'm telling you I'll have more than 3 G's in collateral tonight. 70 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,393 Collateral! Talk English! 71 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,596 I just figured the smartest stunt ever pulled in New York. 72 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,273 Tickets, so? 73 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,575 So look. 74 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,348 Can you read? Very funny. 75 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:46,987 "Lucky ticket wins a car tonight." 76 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,456 That is very good. 77 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,590 Thank you. 78 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,325 Those tickets are for the car, huh? 79 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,760 A duplicate set! 80 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,028 A kid who works for the printer is a friend of mine. 81 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,931 Any number they call tonight, I got it. 82 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,334 That's fine. Now, suppose the legal winner shows up 83 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,570 with the legal ticket, then what? 84 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:06,840 You've seen bank nights, church bazaars? Church bazaars! 85 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,877 Look, you know they call five and six numbers before they hit a ticket 86 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,879 that someone in the audience is holding. 87 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,614 But tonight they're gonna have a winner 88 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,283 the first time out, then I pay off the boss. 89 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,419 Sounds legit. That's what worries me. 90 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:19,753 What are you worried about, Bookie? 91 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,054 I got it cold! 92 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,423 You'd better! 93 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,525 You could be cold an awful long time. 94 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,527 Long time, huh? 95 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,371 How about moving up, buddy? 96 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,473 Huh? Oh. 97 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,975 Oh! I'm awfully sorry. 98 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,076 I was reading. 99 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,378 Good for you. 100 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,513 She sure is. 101 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,680 Who is? 102 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,582 Anita Ekberg, my favorite actress. 103 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,818 I saw her last picture six times. 104 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,486 Couldn't be with a body like that. 105 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,087 What couldn't be? Her last picture. 106 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,925 Oh. I get it. It's like a joke. 107 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,660 Yeah, but it was a terrific picture. 108 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,063 You see, in this picture she plays the part of a girl who's searching, 109 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:06,800 searching, searching! 110 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,869 What was she searching for? 111 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:13,040 She didn't know. That's why she was always searching, searching. 112 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,608 You see this was a terrific picture. 113 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,943 It was called The Lavender Tattooer, 114 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,445 co-starring Bertrum Lardbutter. 115 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:18,779 It was produced by the Nathan Brothers 116 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,047 and directed by William B. Hoffmeyer. 117 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,549 Part of it was shot in Lower Tasmania. 118 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,850 That was directed by Howard Rasnevitch. 119 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,818 Costumes by Patricia Wonderstone. 120 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,454 The screenplay was by Willie Rackauer, 121 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,855 Harry Jones and Florence Hershfield. 122 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,056 That was for the woman's touch. 123 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,924 From a play by John and Betty Stetson, 124 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,093 based on an incidental remark dropped by a waiter at Sardi's, 125 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,864 name of Nicholas Blainey, in Technicolor and VistaVision. 126 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,499 You only saw that six times? 127 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:39,600 That's all. 128 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,569 To me the most wonderful part of the whole picture 129 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,137 was the Bali Bali sequence, where she did the Balinese dance. 130 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,707 (HUMMING) 131 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,565 I'm awfully sorry. That was my fault. Can I help you? 132 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,033 Never mind, kid. 133 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,003 Hey, that printer's kid sure gets around. 134 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:19,072 Hey, kid, how come you got so many of those tickets? 135 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,943 Oh, well, I come here every night, Sundays and even my days off. 136 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,712 (STAMMERS) That is from the delicatessen. 137 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,514 Because, you see, I'm gonna win the car, 138 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,782 and then I'm gonna drive to Hollywood and I'm gonna meet her. 139 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:31,752 You're gonna win the car? And you're gonna meet who? 140 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,754 Well, Anita, naturally, you know. 141 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,656 And the reason I say I'm gonna win the car 142 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,591 is because I just have that very lucky feeling. 143 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,792 I feel lucky, that's all. 144 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:39,893 Well, lots of luck. 145 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,595 Thank you very much. Excuse me. 146 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,635 Well, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 147 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,771 I guess we all know why we're here, don't we? 148 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,206 Yeah, they all came to see me win the car! 149 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,178 Well, I am going to win it. 150 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,213 That's the spirit, young man. 151 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,885 Now I know we're all anxious for the big moment. 152 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,621 And here it is! 153 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,757 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 154 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,227 (WHISTLING) 155 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,541 Okay, Bookie, it's post time, they're off and running. 156 00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:32,680 Miss Pettywood, principal of P.S. Number 655 157 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,548 will draw the lucky number. 158 00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,090 You've got some popcorn in there. Lady, I'm sorry. 159 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,792 Wait, let me just get this out. 160 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,561 Could you hold this, please? 161 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,529 I'm sorry, lady. 162 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,633 Wait, there's just a few pieces here of popcorn. 163 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,702 It'll take a second. 164 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,105 Wait one second. Here. Down. Stay down. Nice hair. Good. Down. 165 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,877 Thank you, Miss Pettywood. 166 00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,647 I will read the lucky number slowly. 167 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,783 The minute I get on the stage, you blow. 168 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,952 I'll blow but just outside the door. 169 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:14,855 "K..." 170 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,289 K. Okay. 171 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:19,760 "136..." 172 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,797 K136. No. No. K136. 173 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:27,868 "32." I will repeat the lucky number. 174 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:33,874 K13632. 175 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:34,975 What K? 176 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,043 ALL: Aw! 177 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,747 What is it, K39? 178 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,881 (STAMMERING) 179 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,016 Numbers... K136. 180 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,285 K1362. These are R's. 181 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,821 What, no R's, no H's, no M's, no L's, 182 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:50,724 no R's, no M's, no L's, no K's? 183 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,192 I got it! 184 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,594 (APPLAUDING) It can't be! I got that lucky feeling! 185 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,697 Wait a minute, there's gotta be... 186 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:00,868 (WHISTLING) 187 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,038 I'd run, too, for a car like this. 188 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,306 What is your name, sir? 189 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,941 Wiley. Steve Wiley. 190 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:14,214 K13632. That's correct. 191 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,719 I knew I had this number somewhere. 192 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:19,953 Here. 193 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:29,096 I've got it! I won the car! I'll be right down! 194 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,064 I got it! I won the car! 195 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,599 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 196 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,935 Wait! Wait! Wait! I got it! 197 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,136 (EXCLAIMING) 198 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,705 Wait! I... 199 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,909 Wait! Wait! Wait! Don't let go. 200 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,144 (SCREAMING) 201 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,816 Wait. Just let me... Wait, I'm coming. Wait. Let me... 202 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:52,085 Let me... Please, I... Let me... Let me... 203 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,263 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 204 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:14,041 Look, you don't want to make a fool of yourself in front of all these people. 205 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,242 You made a mistake! 206 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,410 No, I didn't. The winning ticket's between my teeth. 207 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,779 Yeah? Yeah. 208 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,080 Good luck. 209 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,985 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 210 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,120 He's trying to pull a fast one. Now he says he swallowed it. 211 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,288 Come on, give me the key. I'm ready to go. 212 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,123 I know that boy. That's Malcolm Smith 213 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,026 from the Robespierre Delicatessen. I've never known him to lie. 214 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:36,229 Well, he don't look too well. He's cracking. Look. 215 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,339 You, sir, better take a cab. This car is mine! 216 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,243 It is correct! There are two winners. 217 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,018 What do you think you're doing? 218 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,419 I'm just practicing for Hollywood. 219 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,321 My own car! I can't believe it! 220 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,156 My very own car! Oh, boy! 221 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,424 (CAR HONKING) 222 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,861 Two cars were won and two cars you're gonna give away. 223 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,362 You don't want me to bring legal action. 224 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,098 Now be reasonable, Mr. Wiley. 225 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,300 You don't expect me to give away two cars! 226 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,003 It's a double feature. Give them each a car! 227 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,304 (ALL SHOUTING) 228 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,471 Quiet! 229 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,775 Quiet! 230 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,377 Quiet, please! Bring down the curtain! 231 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,180 Quiet! Quiet! 232 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,449 Here's how they do it in the movies. 233 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:34,788 Quiet! 234 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,456 Now listen, kid, no matter what kind of a pitch he gives us, 235 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,791 we each get a car. Right? 236 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,027 Right. But this one's mine! 237 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,329 Look, no matter what he does, we don't budge. Right? 238 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,197 Right. But this one's mine! 239 00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,066 Now, don't get soft no matter how he cries. Right? 240 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,801 Right. Except I hate to see a man cry. 241 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,203 Well, now, let's get down to cases. 242 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:53,106 It's comparatively simple, he gets a car and I get a car. 243 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,942 This car is for both of you. 244 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,443 What's "for both of you" supposed to mean? 245 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,146 You both won the car. You both get the car. 246 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,480 Split it between you. 247 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:04,117 Betty, will you drive this outside for the joint owners? 248 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:07,988 And if you're not satisfied with my decision, you can sue the printer! 249 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,990 He made the mistake. 250 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,124 He has a very good point there. 251 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,325 Why don't you sue the printer? 252 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:13,861 Then you'll get your car. 253 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,829 Me sue the printer? 254 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,831 Listen, let's not get hasty, Malcolm. 255 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,900 Maybe the nice man is right. 256 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,102 Maybe he can't afford to give away two cars. 257 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,436 Well, that ain't my fault! 258 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,439 Well, it just so happens that I live in Hollywood. 259 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,308 You live in Hollywood? 260 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:31,044 Not only do I live in Hollywood, 261 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:34,181 but this young lady happens to be my next-door neighbor. 262 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:38,385 (STAMMERING) You know... You know her? 263 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:41,955 Do I know her! She drives me crazy, Malcolm! 264 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,056 Me, too. 265 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,324 She keeps coming to my back door 266 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,093 and wants to borrow a couple cups of sugar. 267 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,260 Sugar, that's nice, yeah. 268 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,361 A couple eggs. 269 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,462 Oh, eggs, good. 270 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,365 I go over to her place, I borrow a grapefruit or two. 271 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,500 Oh, that's cute. 272 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:57,137 And we talk over the fence. You know how neighbors are. 273 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,538 Yeah, but this is how my neighbors are. 274 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,073 Let's talk about your neighbors. 275 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,174 Talk about her? 276 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:04,311 I will personally introduce you to her. 277 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,146 Oh, that's wonderful! Soon as we get out there. 278 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,180 I'm very happy. 279 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,385 We'll jump in the car and we'll go to Hollywood together. 280 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,454 How about that, old buddy, old pal, Malcolm? 281 00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,124 Oh, that's wonderful. I've never ever been anybody's buddy before. 282 00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:18,525 Nobody's buddy? Oh, no. 283 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,592 As a matter of fact, you know, 284 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,428 when I was a kid, I was never chosen. 285 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,430 Never chosen? No, not for nothing. 286 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,564 I'll even go further with you. 287 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,299 You know, I never even ever had a pen pal. 288 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,567 No pen pal? 289 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,602 But I wouldn't want her to know that. Anita, that is. 290 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,039 'Cause I wouldn't want for her to think I was peculiar. 291 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,406 That's our secret, Malcolm. 292 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,008 Oh, that's wonderful. Then we'll be pals 293 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,844 like Burt Lancaster and Katharine Hepburn in The Rainmaker. 294 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:38,946 Yeah. 295 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,984 Our first car! Could I please get in before you? 296 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,552 I love to smell new cars. 297 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,354 Go ahead, take a great big whiff. 298 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,264 (CHUCKLES) 299 00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,599 How nice. Oh, good. 300 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,068 (CAR HONKING) 301 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,073 I don't mean to be fashitious. 302 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,474 "Fashitious"? Yeah. 303 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,009 Did I hear "Hollywood"? 304 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,044 Well, he had the legal ticket, see, you understand? 305 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,980 So I had to make off like we're partners in the car. 306 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,215 You have a partner. Remember? I know I got a partner. 307 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,416 Bookie, look, I'll get rid of the kid 308 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,617 and I'll come back with the car. 309 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,352 Oh, I'll wait here. Yeah, you wait right here. 310 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,054 Remember what "fashitious" say. 311 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,655 "Fashitious"? Yeah. 312 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,459 He talks funny. 313 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,497 You like it, old buddy? 314 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,664 I love it. 315 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,066 And we'll keep it nice and shiny 316 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,968 all the way to Hollywood, won't we, Steve? 317 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,269 Sure we will. 318 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,071 (BLOWING) 319 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,582 All right, I'll be back for you soon as I get my things packed. 320 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,319 And I'll be right here waiting for you, buddy. 321 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,126 All right, come on, boy! 322 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,328 Come on, boy! Did you miss me, boy? 323 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,330 Come on, that's a good boy. 324 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,198 Hello, sweet boy. 325 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,633 What is that? 326 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,701 This is my dog. His name is Mr. Bascom. 327 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,670 I thought for a minute it was Swaps. 328 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,572 Oh, no. This is my Mr. Bascom. 329 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:13,706 Well, there it is, see? 330 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,642 I won the car, just like I promised. 331 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,445 And now we'll go to Hollywood and you'll meet Lassie. 332 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,280 Okay, Malcolm, I'll see you. 333 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,315 Right. Hurry back, buddy. 334 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,188 Goodbye, buddy. 335 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,023 Goodbye, old buddy. 336 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,293 You, too. So long. Get out! Hey, out of the car! 337 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,394 (GROWLING) 338 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,196 Will you get out of here? 339 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,298 Why don't you go down the street, play with Lassie? 340 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,732 Lassie's down there, she's a doll. 341 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,235 Go on, get out of the car. 342 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:45,105 Okay, sit there! If you think I'm getting my brains massaged 343 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,474 by Bookie Benny on account of you... 344 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,210 Get out! 345 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,311 (IMITATING BARKING) 346 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,512 Get out! 347 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,547 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 348 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,151 (MR. BASCOM GROWLING) 349 00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,519 I'm glad you waited, Steve. 350 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,454 I'm a pretty fast packer-upper. 351 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,491 Hey, Mr. Bascom, where's my buddy? 352 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,059 Here I am. 353 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,502 (SNORING) 354 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,711 MALCOLM: * Land of stardust and land of glamour 355 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,614 * VistaVision and Cinerama 356 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,417 * Everyone considers it a must 357 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,220 * To get to Hollywood or bust 358 00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,287 (BARKING TO SONG) 359 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,690 * Kids from Kansas to Pennsylvania 360 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,760 * Soon develop that movie mania 361 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,496 * Riding their jalopies through the dust 362 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,666 * En route to Hollywood or bust * 363 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:51,704 (BARKING TO SONG) 364 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,355 Boy, I'm lucky. 365 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,423 Do you know when I first found out I was lucky? 366 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,558 When? 367 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,661 When I entered the Send in a Poochy Pup Dog Food Jingle 368 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,696 for the Poochy Pup Dog Food Jingle contest. 369 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,531 You want to hear how it goes? 370 00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:19,799 No, but I will. 371 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,401 Okay. 372 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,672 (TO TUNE OF ROCK-A-BYE BABY) * I eat Poochy Pup Dog Food out of the can 373 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:29,642 * It makes me eat my food just like a man 374 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:33,680 * My coat is so glossy, shiny and bright 375 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,650 * My master can find me in the middle of the night * 376 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:38,751 You like it? 377 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,588 I think it'll live forever, maybe longer. 378 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,157 Yeah, but actually I cheated. 379 00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,292 Cheated? 380 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,195 Yeah, you see, I don't really like Poochy Pup Dog Food. 381 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,562 It tastes awful. 382 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,598 But it was worth it to win Mr. Bascom. 383 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:55,202 You know, I'm surprised you don't take better care of that dog. 384 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,304 Oh, I take care of him. He was with me all day, 385 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,606 under the hot pastrami counter at the delicatessen. 386 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,475 You know, we've been driving for hours and this dog needs exercise. 387 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,444 Don't you ever take him for walks? 388 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,179 Oh, yeah, but you're driving 389 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,416 and I didn't want to bother you with Mr. Bascom's exercise. 390 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,887 Bother me? It's a pleasure, buddy, pal. 391 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,757 Well, gee, it's real nice of you to think about Mr. Bascom that way. 392 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,593 It shows you have a good heart. Thank you very much, Steve. 393 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,563 Go ahead, take him over the hill. Let him run way over the hill. 394 00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,465 Oh, yeah, I will and he runs fast. 395 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,800 The fastest dog you ever saw in your whole life. Watch him run. 396 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,470 He's a fast dog. Come on, let's go. 397 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,305 Let's go, Basc. Come on. 398 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,174 Attaboy! Over the hill! 399 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,644 Way over the hill! Good. Way over! 400 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,879 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 401 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,248 Go on! 402 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,252 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 403 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,755 (GROWLING) 404 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,359 (BARKING) 405 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,394 (MR. BASCOM GROWLING) 406 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,243 All right, you wait here. 407 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,744 Yeah, I'll wait here. 408 00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,247 I'll take the keys. 409 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,448 Why? 410 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,950 Just so Mr. Bascom doesn't chew on them. 411 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,787 Oh, Mr. Bascom wouldn't do that. He loves our car. 412 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,789 You're telling me. 413 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,794 He doesn't trust us at all. 414 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,933 (PHONE RINGING) 415 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:36,803 BOOKIE BENNY: Hello. 416 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,738 Hello, Bookie? Steve. 417 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,940 (MUMBLING) You fink! Where are you? 418 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,676 Is that you, Bookie? You sound funny. 419 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:46,646 That's because I'm talking without any teeth. 420 00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,349 The boss fixed me good. 421 00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,918 But that's nothing compared to what he's going to do to you. 422 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,686 All right, take it easy, Bookie. 423 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,422 Look, I couldn't shake the kid. 424 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,224 He's got a dog big enough to be a winner at Hialeah. 425 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,359 What could I do? 426 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,260 Well, you had better stay out of sight, 427 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,763 because if the boss don't find you, I will! 428 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,565 He wants his 3 grand! 429 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,567 Oh, he'll get his 3 grand. 430 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,436 Look, the kid and I are driving out to Hollywood. 431 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,738 When we get there, I'll sell the car. Then I'll send you the money, 432 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,872 and I'll probably still have enough money 433 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:14,441 to make a killing at Hollywood Park! 434 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:16,309 (CAR STARTING) 435 00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,012 The car! 436 00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,015 He took his... My car! 437 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,757 Malcolm! 438 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,727 Malcolm! 439 00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:40,032 Malcolm! Malcolm! 440 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:42,902 Malcolm! 441 00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:50,309 (CAR HONKING) 442 00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:55,948 What do you think you're doing? 443 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,018 Oh, I just wanted to try and drive it one time. 444 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,953 How could you start it without the keys? 445 00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:04,424 Oh, there was an extra set in the glove compartment. 446 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,629 I know, you were scared that something happened to me. 447 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,931 You have such a good heart. 448 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:14,801 First, it's Mr. Bascom and then it's me. 449 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,737 You've got to stop worrying so much about us, Steve. 450 00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:18,938 But I guess that's difficult for you 451 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:21,007 because you're such a kind man. 452 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,545 Okay, Hollywood, here we come. 453 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:52,539 * Oh, there's nothin' as gay as a day in the country 454 00:22:52,572 --> 00:22:55,408 * Under the wonderful skies 455 00:22:55,442 --> 00:22:58,945 * For a city-bred feller a field full of yeller 456 00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:02,081 * Is quite a delightful surprise 457 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:06,118 * For a couple of travelin' guys 458 00:23:07,587 --> 00:23:11,424 * Oh, you don't have to pay for a day in the country 459 00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:14,827 * It's old Mother Nature who buys 460 00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:18,431 * And while we keep goin' the breezes are blowin' 461 00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:22,068 * The cigarette smoke from our eyes 462 00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:28,140 * You'll hear beautiful melodies played by an old water mill 463 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,750 * And a little red barn is spinning a yarn 464 00:23:37,784 --> 00:23:41,120 * To the daffodils up on the hill 465 00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:50,797 * Oh, there's nothin' as gay as a day in the country 466 00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:54,100 * Far from the maddening throng 467 00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:57,870 * A hobo hobnobbin' with bluebird and robin 468 00:23:57,904 --> 00:24:01,073 * We warble a merry old song. 469 00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:08,147 BOTH: * And go rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio rollio, rollin' along 470 00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:10,449 * And go rollio, rollio, 471 00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:12,051 (ECHOING) * rollio, rollio 472 00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:15,788 * Rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio 473 00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:18,925 * Rollio, rollin' along! 474 00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:22,562 (STEVE WHISTLING) 475 00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:32,839 * It's quite a delightful surprise 476 00:24:32,872 --> 00:24:36,075 * For a couple of travelin' guys 477 00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:41,714 * For a couple of travelin' guys 478 00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:45,618 * Oh, you don't have to pay for a day in the country 479 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:49,088 * It's old Mother Nature who buys 480 00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:52,792 * And while we keep goin' the breezes are blowin' 481 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:55,795 * The cigarette smoke from our eyes 482 00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:08,608 * How I envy the fellows who live by a shady old nook 483 00:25:08,641 --> 00:25:12,111 * And the cute little guy who's castin' a fly 484 00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:15,047 * At a trout leaping out of a brook 485 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:16,148 (WHISTLING) 486 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,919 * Oh, there's nothin' as gay as a day in the country 487 00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:23,522 * Here's where I really belong 488 00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:26,826 * Just grab a valise full and go where it's peaceful. 489 00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:30,529 BOTH: * And try vocalizing a song 490 00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:36,102 * While you're rollio, rollio rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio 491 00:25:36,135 --> 00:25:39,572 * Rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio 492 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:42,842 * Rollio, rollio, rollio, rollio 493 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:48,214 * Rollin' along 494 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:55,822 (CAR SPLUTTERING) 495 00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:06,265 I thought you put gas in the car. 496 00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:09,535 I did, but I told them to put very little in 497 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,204 so the gas wouldn't evaporate in the tank. 498 00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:25,652 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 499 00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:28,821 Will you get that hound out of that car? 500 00:26:28,855 --> 00:26:30,056 He weighs a ton. 501 00:26:31,023 --> 00:26:33,192 Yeah, he does weigh a lot. 502 00:26:33,225 --> 00:26:35,561 That's why he's tired. 503 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,263 As a matter of fact, he's dog-tired now. 504 00:26:37,296 --> 00:26:39,098 He's dog-tired? 505 00:26:47,974 --> 00:26:49,208 (SIGHING) 506 00:26:49,742 --> 00:26:50,977 (CLEARING THROAT) 507 00:26:51,377 --> 00:26:53,379 Let's see now. 508 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:58,785 Eight and five is 13, then you carry your three and one. 509 00:26:58,818 --> 00:27:01,620 One and six is seven and eight. Eight and five... 510 00:27:01,654 --> 00:27:03,790 What's with the scratch sheet, Malcolm? 511 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:06,625 Oh, I'm just figuring the first day's expenses, Steve. 512 00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:09,696 Let's see here now. Gas and oil. 513 00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:12,631 Lunch. One corned beef, Steve. One hamburger, me. 514 00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:15,201 Thirteen hamburgers, Mr. Bascom. That's correct. 515 00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:16,736 One chewing gum, me. 516 00:27:16,769 --> 00:27:18,370 One tip to redheaded waitress. 517 00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:21,273 Hey, Steve, how come you made me give that waitress such a big tip? 518 00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:22,809 Just keeping in practice, Malcolm. 519 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,076 Oh. 520 00:27:24,110 --> 00:27:25,611 Breakfast then. 521 00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:27,146 One tomato juice, Steve. 522 00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:29,648 One bowl of crunchies, Malcolm. 523 00:27:29,682 --> 00:27:32,351 Four orders of ham and eggs for Mr. Bascom. 524 00:27:32,384 --> 00:27:34,353 Look, why don't you lay it all out, Malcolm? 525 00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:35,688 Then when we get to Hollywood, 526 00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:37,223 we'll sell the car and we'll square away. 527 00:27:37,256 --> 00:27:39,625 Now, don't bother me with small details, huh? 528 00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,228 Oh, well, Steve, let me... 529 00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:43,996 Let me just say this to you... You see... 530 00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:46,398 Please, Malcolm, not now! I'm tired. 531 00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:48,968 Well, couldn't I just one little eensy-weensy detail? 532 00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:50,469 All right. What? 533 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,906 Well, I don't mind laying out the money, except I don't have any more. 534 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:54,974 You what? 535 00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:56,175 You're yelling at me, Steve. 536 00:27:56,208 --> 00:27:57,276 What did you say? 537 00:27:57,309 --> 00:28:00,212 I said I don't have any more money. 538 00:28:00,246 --> 00:28:02,081 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) I don't know how it happened. 539 00:28:02,114 --> 00:28:03,850 Oh, the road is... 540 00:28:03,883 --> 00:28:05,417 Our car is with the dog! 541 00:28:05,451 --> 00:28:08,020 (STAMMERING) 542 00:28:08,054 --> 00:28:10,890 Well, Mr. Bascom can't drive. He doesn't have a license! 543 00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,928 Mr. Bascom! Mr. Bascom! 544 00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:24,336 Mr. Bascom! 545 00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:34,013 Sunday driver! 546 00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,349 Driver? 547 00:28:41,921 --> 00:28:45,357 (CARS HONKING) 548 00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:49,762 (GROWLING) 549 00:28:57,303 --> 00:28:58,337 (MOOING) 550 00:28:59,972 --> 00:29:02,008 (WHINING) 551 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,950 Steve! 552 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:12,518 Steve! 553 00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:14,854 Steve! 554 00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:16,088 (CAR HONKING) 555 00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:19,358 (WHINING) 556 00:29:33,505 --> 00:29:34,874 (WHINING) 557 00:29:37,509 --> 00:29:38,811 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 558 00:29:41,047 --> 00:29:43,349 (WHINING) 559 00:29:52,024 --> 00:29:53,792 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 560 00:29:56,228 --> 00:29:57,263 Malcolm! 561 00:29:58,998 --> 00:30:00,299 Malcolm! 562 00:30:01,868 --> 00:30:03,135 Coming! 563 00:30:12,178 --> 00:30:13,312 (WHINING) 564 00:30:21,087 --> 00:30:22,288 Malcolm! 565 00:30:30,029 --> 00:30:31,898 Come on, Mr. Bascom. Come on, boy. 566 00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:34,266 Never mind that hound! Help me push this car. 567 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:36,035 Sit, Mr. Bascom. Sit. Stay. 568 00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:43,309 (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) 569 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,916 Come on. Come on. 570 00:31:36,462 --> 00:31:39,198 Bringing back one gallon of gas! 571 00:31:39,231 --> 00:31:41,867 We may not even make it to the next gas station. 572 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:43,602 Well, don't worry about it, Steve. 573 00:31:43,635 --> 00:31:45,938 I'll get that lucky feeling again. 574 00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:48,407 (RUMBLING) 575 00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:55,314 Better get it fast. I think there's something wrong with the motor. 576 00:31:55,347 --> 00:31:57,950 Oh. That's not the motor, Steve. 577 00:31:57,984 --> 00:31:59,318 That's Mr. Bascom's stomach. 578 00:31:59,351 --> 00:32:00,619 He's very hungry. 579 00:32:00,652 --> 00:32:02,054 He's hungry? I'm starved! 580 00:32:02,088 --> 00:32:03,389 (WHINING) 581 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,083 I'm so hungry, I almost smell hamburger. 582 00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:44,163 Hamburger! Give me some of that! 583 00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:46,498 Ow! 584 00:32:46,532 --> 00:32:48,667 Will you tell him to let go, Malcolm? 585 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,702 Let go of Steve's arm, Mr. Bascom. 586 00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:53,172 That's not nice. Shame on you. 587 00:32:53,205 --> 00:32:55,207 Steve needs that arm to drive with. 588 00:32:55,241 --> 00:32:57,343 That's telling him, Malcolm. 589 00:32:57,576 --> 00:33:01,313 (JALOPY HONKING) 590 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:08,420 (JALOPY HONKING) 591 00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:14,326 Look at what that guy did to our shiny new car! 592 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,363 Yeah, wait till you see what we do to his crate! 593 00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:28,474 (CAR HONKING) 594 00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:43,255 (EXCLAIMING) 595 00:33:47,393 --> 00:33:49,328 Oh, look at the poor old lady! 596 00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:52,098 I'd rather look at a rich, young lady. 597 00:33:52,764 --> 00:33:54,300 Let's stop and pick her up, Steve. 598 00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:56,235 She might be somebody's mother. 599 00:33:56,702 --> 00:33:58,470 Would you like a lift, lady? 600 00:33:58,504 --> 00:34:00,272 I'd be ever so grateful. 601 00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:01,607 All righty. 602 00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:04,243 Watch it now. 603 00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:08,647 You're a dear, sweet, young man. 604 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,749 Oh, my! Does he bite? 605 00:34:10,782 --> 00:34:13,051 Only me, lady. 606 00:34:13,085 --> 00:34:15,421 Hey, Malcolm, the motor's running. 607 00:34:15,454 --> 00:34:16,655 Oh. Come on. 608 00:34:16,688 --> 00:34:17,789 Sorry. 609 00:34:22,328 --> 00:34:25,364 You remind me of my grandmother. She was awful nice, too. 610 00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,466 She used to take me to movies all the time. 611 00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:28,534 Do you like the movies? 612 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:30,636 Yes, indeed. 613 00:34:30,669 --> 00:34:33,105 What kind of movies you like best? 614 00:34:33,139 --> 00:34:35,674 Oh, Gangster movies. Me, too. 615 00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:37,776 I pack a rod, too, sister. 616 00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:39,411 Clam up, sonny! 617 00:34:41,113 --> 00:34:43,115 Malcolm, will you stop bothering me while I'm... 618 00:34:43,149 --> 00:34:45,083 Stop the car, handsome. 619 00:34:48,454 --> 00:34:49,655 Shame on you. 620 00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:52,658 You're a naughty old lady. Shame, shame! 621 00:34:52,691 --> 00:34:53,792 Shut up! 622 00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:55,361 Listen, lady, one word from us 623 00:34:55,394 --> 00:34:56,662 and that dog will tear you apart. 624 00:34:56,695 --> 00:34:59,598 He's a killer. Get her, Mr. Bascom. Get her. Get her! 625 00:34:59,631 --> 00:35:01,533 (WHINING) 626 00:35:01,567 --> 00:35:05,337 (BARKING) 627 00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:08,707 Well, bless his gentle heart. 628 00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:10,142 Get out! 629 00:35:27,226 --> 00:35:29,161 Somebody's mother, huh? 630 00:35:29,561 --> 00:35:30,596 (GRUNTING) 631 00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:09,701 (CAR HONKING) 632 00:36:11,703 --> 00:36:13,872 Hey, Steve, that fellow's a girl! 633 00:36:13,905 --> 00:36:15,607 Well, come on! 634 00:36:15,641 --> 00:36:17,443 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 635 00:36:17,476 --> 00:36:19,678 Wait! Wait for us! 636 00:36:32,258 --> 00:36:34,526 What do you think you're doing? 637 00:36:36,562 --> 00:36:38,497 Well, look what you've done to my running board! 638 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:41,300 Never mind your running board. We need a lift. 639 00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:43,902 Hey, you're wrecking my car! 640 00:36:43,935 --> 00:36:46,505 We got robbed. Our car was stolen. 641 00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:47,873 It's all right. We only had a gallon of gas. 642 00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,576 She'll run out. Move over, let me drive. 643 00:36:58,384 --> 00:36:59,818 Can't this thing go any faster? 644 00:36:59,851 --> 00:37:01,687 Step on the gas, Steve! 645 00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,656 Look out! 646 00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:16,602 My fenders fell off! 647 00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:17,869 Well, we'll get them later. 648 00:37:17,903 --> 00:37:19,305 Do you see the car? 649 00:37:19,338 --> 00:37:21,573 Who's going to fix my floorboard? 650 00:37:21,607 --> 00:37:23,709 We will. Soon as we catch that old lady. 651 00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:24,876 What old lady? 652 00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:26,512 The old lady that stole our car. 653 00:37:26,545 --> 00:37:28,113 And they're the worst kind. 654 00:37:28,146 --> 00:37:31,283 Like the old lady in Chloroform and Old Calico. That was produced by... 655 00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:34,252 Malcolm, quiet! Do you see our car? 656 00:37:34,286 --> 00:37:35,887 Not yet. Go faster! 657 00:37:39,325 --> 00:37:41,427 Malcolm, will you answer me? 658 00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,030 Where are you? 659 00:37:46,632 --> 00:37:48,300 Here I am. 660 00:37:48,334 --> 00:37:50,302 What are you doing out there? 661 00:37:50,336 --> 00:37:52,003 I think I see our car! 662 00:38:06,752 --> 00:38:08,754 Gee, we're lucky. Not a scratch. 663 00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:10,822 It's a good thing that old lady ran out of gas. 664 00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:12,924 Old lady! We're out of gas! 665 00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:15,527 (JALOPY'S MOTOR GRINDING) 666 00:38:15,561 --> 00:38:16,962 She's got gas! 667 00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:22,033 Wait a minute, lady. We're out of gas. 668 00:38:22,067 --> 00:38:24,436 Well, you're lucky. I'm almost out of car! 669 00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:27,573 Here I am, minding my own business, driving to Las Vegas, 670 00:38:27,606 --> 00:38:29,375 and suddenly I'm ambushed! 671 00:38:29,408 --> 00:38:31,543 What, are you going to Vegas in this thing? 672 00:38:31,577 --> 00:38:34,312 My great-grandmother made it in a covered wagon. 673 00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:37,749 But all she ran into were wild Indians. 674 00:38:37,783 --> 00:38:41,487 Well, are you satisfied? You've ruined my motor now! 675 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,422 Oh, don't cry, lady. I can fix it. 676 00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:45,290 I know all about cars. 677 00:38:45,323 --> 00:38:47,325 I'll go get your fenders. 678 00:38:48,394 --> 00:38:49,895 Don't cry, honey. 679 00:38:49,928 --> 00:38:51,597 He knows all about fenders and cars. 680 00:38:51,630 --> 00:38:54,600 He'll get them for you. He will. 681 00:39:06,612 --> 00:39:08,947 Okay, it's fixed! 682 00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:10,516 Yeah, well, what about those? 683 00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:13,685 Oh, those are just spare parts. Go ahead, try it. 684 00:39:15,387 --> 00:39:16,855 (CAR STARTING) 685 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,794 As they say in the French movies, voila! 686 00:39:22,828 --> 00:39:26,097 Oh, I'm sorry, Malcolm, for being so angry. 687 00:39:26,131 --> 00:39:27,666 Thank you very much. 688 00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:30,536 It was our fault, and thank you for the gas. 689 00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:31,570 Bye-bye. 690 00:39:31,603 --> 00:39:32,738 Goodbye. Goodbye. 691 00:39:37,443 --> 00:39:39,711 (CRASHING) 692 00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:55,026 As they say in the French movies, voila! 693 00:39:55,060 --> 00:39:56,428 Wait. 694 00:39:56,462 --> 00:39:57,596 Voila! 695 00:40:14,646 --> 00:40:16,848 She's a nice girl, isn't she, Steve? 696 00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:19,851 And she's got nice red hair, too. 697 00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:23,121 What's nice about her is the 40 bucks she got selling her wreck. 698 00:40:23,154 --> 00:40:24,790 Now we can eat. 699 00:40:47,012 --> 00:40:51,449 * Let's be friendly 700 00:40:51,483 --> 00:40:55,153 * Just the two of us 701 00:40:55,186 --> 00:41:00,859 * Can't afford to disappoint the moonlight 702 00:41:02,127 --> 00:41:06,598 * My, what lovely scenery 703 00:41:06,632 --> 00:41:10,068 * Cupid's own machinery 704 00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:15,674 * Made to trap a nervous chap like me 705 00:41:17,242 --> 00:41:21,647 * Let's be friendly 706 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:25,483 * But let's be discreet 707 00:41:25,517 --> 00:41:30,856 * Must I fight the feelin' that I'm fallin'? 708 00:41:33,058 --> 00:41:36,928 * Should we accidentally kiss 709 00:41:36,962 --> 00:41:40,465 * I'd give up the fight 710 00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:46,638 * And we could be more than just good friends tonight 711 00:41:48,039 --> 00:41:51,610 * "Be wise, be smart" 712 00:41:51,643 --> 00:41:54,546 * I always tell my heart 713 00:41:54,580 --> 00:41:58,584 * When it gets to the point where you're dreamin' of her 714 00:41:58,617 --> 00:42:01,953 * That's the time to run for cover 715 00:42:01,987 --> 00:42:06,725 * Not that I'm allergic to romance 716 00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:15,133 * But a guy likes to have a fightin' chance 717 00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:24,042 * Let's be friendly 718 00:42:24,075 --> 00:42:29,147 * Just the two of us 719 00:42:29,180 --> 00:42:36,154 * Can't afford to disappoint the moonlight 720 00:42:37,623 --> 00:42:42,994 * My, what lovely scenery 721 00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:47,265 * Cupid's own machinery 722 00:42:47,298 --> 00:42:54,139 * Made to trap a nervous chap like me 723 00:42:56,007 --> 00:43:01,279 * Let's be friendly 724 00:43:01,312 --> 00:43:05,751 * But let's be discreet 725 00:43:05,784 --> 00:43:12,157 * Must I fight the feelin' that I'm fallin'? 726 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:19,631 * Should we accidentally kiss 727 00:43:19,665 --> 00:43:23,635 * I'd give up the fight 728 00:43:23,669 --> 00:43:29,908 * And we could be more than Just good friends 729 00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:36,181 * Tonight. 730 00:43:36,214 --> 00:43:37,749 Nice music. 731 00:43:39,017 --> 00:43:40,351 Wrong lyrics. 732 00:43:41,887 --> 00:43:43,621 You have someone waiting in Vegas? 733 00:43:43,655 --> 00:43:45,824 I have a job waiting in Vegas. 734 00:43:45,857 --> 00:43:49,828 You know, as soon as I saw you, I figured you for a gambler. 735 00:43:49,861 --> 00:43:51,830 Relax, honey. 736 00:43:51,863 --> 00:43:53,732 We won't play for keeps. 737 00:43:53,765 --> 00:43:56,301 Look, it's getting kind of late, don't you think? 738 00:43:56,334 --> 00:44:00,338 So that's it, huh? Just chauffeur and mystery passenger? 739 00:44:00,371 --> 00:44:03,008 Mr. Wiley, if it'll ease your mind any, 740 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:04,976 I'll give you my vital statistics. 741 00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:08,814 Now, you're talking. I like statistics when they're vital. 742 00:44:08,847 --> 00:44:10,181 Well, there's no mystery. 743 00:44:10,215 --> 00:44:12,884 My vital statistics are as follows. 744 00:44:12,918 --> 00:44:15,887 Name, Terry Roberts. Birthplace, Weehawken, New Jersey. 745 00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:20,125 Age, my business. Occupation, chorus girl. 746 00:44:20,158 --> 00:44:22,660 At present going to Vegas to work at the Silver Spur, 747 00:44:22,694 --> 00:44:24,129 and after that, on to Hollywood for an audition. 748 00:44:24,162 --> 00:44:26,732 And after that, future undecided. 749 00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:30,368 You know, soon as I saw you, I figured you for a chorus girl. 750 00:44:30,401 --> 00:44:32,303 You're too close to the fire, Mr. Wiley. 751 00:44:32,337 --> 00:44:34,305 You're getting overheated. 752 00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:36,307 Future undecided? 753 00:44:36,341 --> 00:44:39,110 Now, you can't go around with an undecided future. 754 00:44:39,144 --> 00:44:40,946 People will talk. 755 00:44:40,979 --> 00:44:42,814 But Mr. Wiley, we were brought together 756 00:44:42,848 --> 00:44:46,284 because I had $40 and you needed same. 757 00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:50,188 Well, you got my $40 but that's all you get. 758 00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:53,291 I don't want to get. 759 00:44:53,324 --> 00:44:55,226 I want to give. 760 00:44:55,260 --> 00:44:56,962 Sorry, no takers. 761 00:44:58,163 --> 00:45:00,265 And speaking of statistics... 762 00:45:01,767 --> 00:45:03,902 All right. What would you like to know? 763 00:45:03,935 --> 00:45:06,204 Where I was born? How I vote? 764 00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:10,842 Or how an attractive man manages to stay single? 765 00:45:10,876 --> 00:45:13,278 You get better odds at a race track. 766 00:45:13,311 --> 00:45:15,013 Better than 50-50? 767 00:45:15,046 --> 00:45:17,182 That's only 50-50 on the tote board. 768 00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:20,351 You know, the minute you leave the starting gate, the odds are 6 to 4 769 00:45:20,385 --> 00:45:23,021 'cause you're furnishing a rundown apartment. 770 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:26,257 Then the odds drop 7 to 3 'cause you need a larger place, 771 00:45:26,291 --> 00:45:27,893 an extra room for the little monster 772 00:45:27,926 --> 00:45:30,295 that your ever-loving comes up with. 773 00:45:30,328 --> 00:45:33,298 Now the little monster grows, becomes a big monster. 774 00:45:33,331 --> 00:45:35,033 School expenses. 775 00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,434 Now you've got to start taking everything 776 00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:38,003 that the crummy boss hands out 777 00:45:38,036 --> 00:45:40,471 'cause you can't afford to lose your crummy job. 778 00:45:40,505 --> 00:45:43,108 Little Junior's got to go to college. 779 00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:45,877 "Dear Pop. Need money. Met a girl." 780 00:45:45,911 --> 00:45:49,247 The odds are now 9 to 1 and you haven't even hit the far turn yet. 781 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,783 By the time you get to the finish line, you got to hurry up and die 782 00:45:51,817 --> 00:45:55,053 so you'll have enough money left to pay for your own funeral expenses. 783 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,288 That's a bad deal. 784 00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:59,891 And that's playing for keeps, is it? 785 00:45:59,925 --> 00:46:02,293 It's a parlay you can't win, Red. 786 00:46:02,961 --> 00:46:04,830 Good night, Mr. Wiley. 787 00:46:15,506 --> 00:46:20,411 (BLABBERING) 788 00:46:23,481 --> 00:46:28,987 (BLABBERING) 789 00:46:30,055 --> 00:46:33,859 (BLABBERING) 790 00:47:01,552 --> 00:47:02,553 Oh! 791 00:47:09,027 --> 00:47:12,463 Get out of here, you big mutt! Scram! Get out! 792 00:47:41,592 --> 00:47:43,428 MALCOLM: So I know nothing can go wrong 793 00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:45,263 because I always get the lucky feeling. 794 00:47:45,296 --> 00:47:46,965 What lucky feeling? 795 00:47:46,998 --> 00:47:49,500 Well, it's very hard to describe, but you see, 796 00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,970 I get an itching in my fingers 797 00:47:52,003 --> 00:47:54,172 and then a twitching in my left eye. 798 00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:55,907 And then my head starts jerking, see, 799 00:47:55,941 --> 00:47:57,408 like as if I have a stiff collar on. 800 00:47:57,442 --> 00:47:59,444 I have the itching, the twitching and the jerking. 801 00:47:59,477 --> 00:48:01,913 Oh, yeah, like the first time I saw this car. 802 00:48:01,947 --> 00:48:03,915 And then when everything is happening at one time, 803 00:48:03,949 --> 00:48:05,450 the itching, the twitching and the jerking, 804 00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,552 I know I can't lose 'cause I got the lucky feeling. 805 00:48:08,886 --> 00:48:11,456 Oh, now, that doesn't really happen, Malcolm. 806 00:48:11,489 --> 00:48:13,925 Well, I won this car, didn't I? 807 00:48:13,959 --> 00:48:16,594 Yes. Yes, you won this car. 808 00:48:16,627 --> 00:48:18,163 Half of it. 809 00:48:20,198 --> 00:48:21,933 Oh, well, then I'm even luckier than I thought 810 00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:23,534 'cause I got Steve as a partner. 811 00:48:23,568 --> 00:48:27,605 Not only is he my partner but he's the next-door neighbor to Anita Ekberg. 812 00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:29,607 Oh, is he really? 813 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,077 Oh, yeah, they're neighbors, really. 814 00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,212 Which means she's gonna be my neighbor. 815 00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:36,982 Just think, I'll see her every day. 816 00:48:37,015 --> 00:48:43,021 Just imagine, I'll see her when she's hanging out her undies 817 00:48:43,054 --> 00:48:46,624 and she'll see me when I'm hanging out my undies. 818 00:48:48,994 --> 00:48:50,628 It's just like a dream. 819 00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:52,430 It certainly is. 820 00:48:55,066 --> 00:48:56,101 Where are we? 821 00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:57,502 Oh, Chicago. 822 00:48:57,535 --> 00:49:00,438 Chicago! How did we get to Chicago? 823 00:49:01,539 --> 00:49:03,008 Did I do bad? 824 00:49:03,041 --> 00:49:04,475 You took a wrong turn! 825 00:49:04,509 --> 00:49:06,477 I got too many friends in Chicago I don't want to see. 826 00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:08,413 Now put that top up and let's get out of here! 827 00:49:08,446 --> 00:49:10,048 All right. 828 00:49:11,349 --> 00:49:12,383 Put it up! 829 00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:14,685 There! It's coming up but it takes time. 830 00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,675 * When you cross the Mississippi 831 00:49:37,708 --> 00:49:39,277 * Cross the Mississippi 832 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,179 * You're in the wild and wooly West. 833 00:49:41,212 --> 00:49:42,280 Hee-haw! 834 00:49:42,313 --> 00:49:44,282 * Anyone who wants to live ideally 835 00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:46,051 * Take a tip from Horace Greeley 836 00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,318 * He said, "Go West, young man" 837 00:49:47,352 --> 00:49:49,054 * He said * Thank you 838 00:49:49,087 --> 00:49:52,590 * Greeley really hit the nail right on the head 839 00:50:05,236 --> 00:50:07,372 * Here we are in old Missouri 840 00:50:07,405 --> 00:50:09,174 * The folks from Independence 841 00:50:09,207 --> 00:50:10,675 * Includin' their descendants 842 00:50:10,708 --> 00:50:12,310 * Are friendly as a rule 843 00:50:12,343 --> 00:50:13,378 * Do tell! 844 00:50:13,411 --> 00:50:15,546 * But stubborn as an old Missouri mule! 845 00:50:15,580 --> 00:50:17,082 * Hee-haw! 846 00:50:21,419 --> 00:50:23,521 ALL: * When you cross the wide Missouri 847 00:50:23,554 --> 00:50:25,156 * Cross the wide Missouri 848 00:50:25,190 --> 00:50:27,192 * You're in the wild and wooly West 849 00:50:27,225 --> 00:50:28,293 (SHIP HORN BLOWING) 850 00:50:28,326 --> 00:50:30,195 * Take a look at that old-fashioned showboat 851 00:50:30,228 --> 00:50:31,696 * I get seasick near a rowboat 852 00:50:31,729 --> 00:50:33,664 * I like convertibles the best 853 00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:34,932 (CAR HONKING) 854 00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:40,071 ALL: * When we're ridin' through the wild and wooly West! 855 00:50:41,772 --> 00:50:44,209 * Here we are in Oklahoma 856 00:50:44,242 --> 00:50:45,676 * Produces much alfalfa 857 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:49,013 * And celebrated also for buttermilk and cream 858 00:50:49,046 --> 00:50:50,181 * Really! 859 00:50:50,215 --> 00:50:53,118 * And incidentally quite a football team Rah-rah! 860 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:55,353 ALL: * When you're out in Oklahoma * 861 00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:56,754 * Out in Oklahoma 862 00:50:56,787 --> 00:50:58,756 * You're in the wild and wooly West. 863 00:50:58,789 --> 00:50:59,790 Hee-haw! 864 00:50:59,824 --> 00:51:01,592 * Though there's always been the sweet aroma 865 00:51:01,626 --> 00:51:03,494 * Of the corn in Oklahoma. 866 00:51:03,528 --> 00:51:05,530 BOTH: * Rodgers and Hammerstein agree 867 00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:06,764 * That's nice. 868 00:51:06,797 --> 00:51:09,500 STEVE: * Oklahoma's got a lot of do-re-mi 869 00:51:17,842 --> 00:51:20,044 * Now we're in the State of Texas 870 00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:21,612 * The largest in the Union 871 00:51:21,646 --> 00:51:23,181 * Per capita the richest 872 00:51:23,214 --> 00:51:24,382 * But more than this you'll find. 873 00:51:24,415 --> 00:51:25,650 BOTH: * What will you find? 874 00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:26,784 * The State of Texas. 875 00:51:26,817 --> 00:51:28,119 ALL: * Is a state of mind 876 00:51:28,153 --> 00:51:29,154 (BARKING TO SONG) 877 00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:31,289 * When you're in the State of Texas 878 00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:32,657 * In the State of Texas 879 00:51:32,690 --> 00:51:35,393 * You're in the wild and wooly West 880 00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:37,595 * It's not necessary that you toil well 881 00:51:37,628 --> 00:51:39,297 * Anyone can own an oil well. 882 00:51:39,330 --> 00:51:42,300 ALL: * Nothing in Texas but the best 883 00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:45,170 * Should you want a little gusher be my guest. 884 00:51:59,384 --> 00:52:01,419 ALL: * Santa Fe is quite a city 885 00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:03,288 * New Mexico is pretty 886 00:52:03,321 --> 00:52:04,822 * The population perky 887 00:52:04,855 --> 00:52:06,591 * And all because they found. 888 00:52:06,624 --> 00:52:07,692 BOTH: * What? 889 00:52:07,725 --> 00:52:09,860 * They've got atomic power underground. 890 00:52:09,894 --> 00:52:11,662 BOTH: * No! 891 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,301 * If you've got the mining fever 892 00:52:16,334 --> 00:52:17,635 * Got the mining fever 893 00:52:17,668 --> 00:52:19,504 * You'll find New Mexico the plum 894 00:52:19,537 --> 00:52:21,038 * The plum 895 00:52:21,071 --> 00:52:24,409 * First you scrimp and save a large amount to buy yourself a Geiger counter * 896 00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:26,211 * Hoping you'll find uranium. 897 00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:27,545 BOTH: * Uranium! 898 00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:30,481 * If it don't start tickin' hit the highway, chum 899 00:52:31,282 --> 00:52:34,352 (GEIGER COUNTER TICKING) 900 00:52:51,802 --> 00:52:54,905 TERRY: (ECHOING) * Here we are in Arizona 901 00:52:56,241 --> 00:52:59,577 * The Mecca of the tourist 902 00:53:00,278 --> 00:53:04,449 * They come to see the Canyon 903 00:53:04,949 --> 00:53:09,320 * That Nature has unfurled 904 00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:15,293 * The largest excavation in the world! 905 00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:18,463 ECHO: * World! 906 00:53:18,496 --> 00:53:21,966 * World! 907 00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:24,369 That's pretty. 908 00:53:24,402 --> 00:53:25,703 ECHO: Thank you. 909 00:53:26,537 --> 00:53:27,638 Oh! 910 00:53:42,487 --> 00:53:44,655 ALL: * When you're down in Arizona 911 00:53:44,689 --> 00:53:46,257 * Down in Arizona 912 00:53:46,291 --> 00:53:48,926 * You're in the wild and wooly West 913 00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:51,496 * Get a load of Big Chief Running Water 914 00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:55,300 * Dig his crazy teenage daughter 915 00:53:57,968 --> 00:54:02,473 * Man! She's the rockin' and rollin' best 916 00:54:04,675 --> 00:54:09,714 * Nothin' wilder in the wild and wooly West. 917 00:54:41,912 --> 00:54:47,685 ALL: * The wild and wooly West 918 00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:55,993 * The wild and wooly West 919 00:55:05,803 --> 00:55:08,839 (HUMMING LET'S BE FRIENDLY) 920 00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:30,428 Isn't that doing it the hard way? 921 00:55:30,461 --> 00:55:32,763 Well, no, I once saw Gregory Peck do this in a movie. 922 00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:34,031 Did you see Gregory Peck in that movie? 923 00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:35,366 It was produced and directed by... 924 00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:38,569 Malcolm, in the movies they have the sticks already fixed 925 00:55:38,603 --> 00:55:40,838 so they start burning right away. 926 00:55:40,871 --> 00:55:43,508 Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I saw Gregory Peck do that. 927 00:55:43,541 --> 00:55:48,646 He took the stick in this hand and then he opened this up, and voila. 928 00:55:48,679 --> 00:55:50,981 Voila. Good old Greg. 929 00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,950 Is Gregory Peck one of your Hollywood friends? 930 00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:55,920 Now where do you think he got his gray flannel suit? 931 00:55:55,953 --> 00:55:57,021 (CHUCKLES) 932 00:55:58,956 --> 00:56:00,491 Where's Red? 933 00:56:01,358 --> 00:56:02,660 Oh, she's taking a swim. 934 00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:03,994 Taking a swim? 935 00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:05,062 Uh-huh. 936 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:06,431 Hmm. 937 00:56:06,964 --> 00:56:07,965 Oh! 938 00:56:08,699 --> 00:56:10,034 What's the matter? I got a stomachache. 939 00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:11,101 Aw. 940 00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:13,871 Yeah, I've been drinking too much coffee. 941 00:56:13,904 --> 00:56:17,007 I'm not getting my nice, warm milk like I should. 942 00:56:17,041 --> 00:56:18,543 Oh, that's a shame. 943 00:56:18,576 --> 00:56:20,411 Do you want me to go get you some nice, warm milk? 944 00:56:20,445 --> 00:56:23,380 Where can you get nice, warm milk around here? 945 00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:26,717 Unless there's a cow near that barn way over there. 946 00:56:27,885 --> 00:56:29,620 Oh, yeah. 947 00:56:29,654 --> 00:56:32,723 Oh, well, I'll go get you some nice, warm milk. 948 00:56:32,757 --> 00:56:34,792 And don't you worry about it being nice and warm 949 00:56:34,825 --> 00:56:36,961 because that cow's been out in the sun all day. 950 00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:39,597 Sun? Thanks, buddy. 951 00:56:43,100 --> 00:56:46,737 (HUMMING HOLLYWOOD OR BUST) 952 00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:54,779 Don't get overheated, Red. 953 00:56:55,980 --> 00:56:57,915 Good morning, Mr. Wiley. Good morning. 954 00:56:57,948 --> 00:56:59,149 Did you sleep well? 955 00:56:59,183 --> 00:57:02,487 How could I? I was still worried about your undecided future. 956 00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:04,021 Malcolm, would you get me some coffee? 957 00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:06,524 Relax, honey, he went for a walk. 958 00:57:07,024 --> 00:57:09,827 Oh, he went for a walk, did he? 959 00:57:09,860 --> 00:57:11,128 In this heat? 960 00:57:11,161 --> 00:57:13,130 How can the heat affect Malcolm? 961 00:57:13,163 --> 00:57:15,432 He's off his rocker to start with. 962 00:57:16,166 --> 00:57:18,569 He's off his rocker about you. 963 00:57:20,505 --> 00:57:21,906 Why can't you be like Malcolm? 964 00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:24,942 Because I've met "Steve Wileys" before, Mr. Wiley. 965 00:57:24,975 --> 00:57:26,143 Great guys, all of them. 966 00:57:26,176 --> 00:57:27,512 Cut it out. 967 00:57:36,754 --> 00:57:38,422 As Malcolm would say, this is just like 968 00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,024 Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in. 969 00:57:40,057 --> 00:57:41,759 From Here to Eternity produced by... 970 00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:45,596 Well, whoever produced you certainly wasn't after an Oscar! 971 00:57:46,096 --> 00:57:47,765 Don't I measure up to the other Wileys? 972 00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:49,099 You certainly do! 973 00:57:49,133 --> 00:57:50,601 You're all out of the same mold. 974 00:57:50,635 --> 00:57:52,770 Always looking for something for nothing. 975 00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:55,439 I don't like you for what you're doing to Malcolm. 976 00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:56,507 You're going to break his heart 977 00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:58,676 with all your big talk about Hollywood 978 00:57:58,709 --> 00:58:01,579 and your movie star neighbors. 979 00:58:01,612 --> 00:58:04,014 Well, personally I think all you know about Hollywood 980 00:58:04,048 --> 00:58:06,684 is what you've read in The Racing Form! 981 00:58:08,619 --> 00:58:11,956 (HUMMING) 982 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,571 Here, cow! Cow! Moo, cow. 983 00:58:26,604 --> 00:58:28,973 Come on, where you hiding at, cow? 984 00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:31,842 Cow? 985 00:58:33,043 --> 00:58:34,745 Whoa! Oh, wait. 986 00:58:34,779 --> 00:58:36,781 (STAMMERING) Wait. 987 00:58:36,814 --> 00:58:38,583 You're not a cow. I'm sorry. 988 00:58:42,186 --> 00:58:45,956 Excuse me, sir, I just came here to see your wife. 989 00:58:45,990 --> 00:58:47,825 How is the little woman? 990 00:58:49,293 --> 00:58:51,095 Whoa! Wait! 991 00:58:51,996 --> 00:58:53,130 Wait! 992 00:58:53,598 --> 00:58:55,132 (EXCLAIMING) 993 00:59:04,742 --> 00:59:06,510 (EXCLAIMING) 994 00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:10,014 Steve! Steve! Help! Help! It's a bull! 995 00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:11,682 It's a bull! 996 00:59:11,716 --> 00:59:13,250 (EXCLAIMING) 997 00:59:13,283 --> 00:59:17,121 Help! Steve! A real bull! 998 00:59:17,154 --> 00:59:18,823 Steve, Malcolm's in trouble. 999 00:59:18,856 --> 00:59:19,924 Why should he be any different? 1000 00:59:19,957 --> 00:59:20,991 Well, he is. 1001 00:59:21,025 --> 00:59:22,993 He's all right. He's getting me some milk. 1002 00:59:23,027 --> 00:59:24,695 Milk? From a bull? 1003 00:59:24,729 --> 00:59:26,130 A bull? 1004 00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:28,132 He's milking a bull? 1005 00:59:28,165 --> 00:59:29,299 That's impossible! 1006 00:59:29,333 --> 00:59:30,601 That's what I thought. 1007 00:59:30,635 --> 00:59:32,069 MALCOLM: Oh, please! 1008 00:59:34,639 --> 00:59:36,306 Timber! 1009 00:59:36,340 --> 00:59:38,776 Timber! 1010 00:59:38,809 --> 00:59:41,145 Timber? He's cutting trees. 1011 00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:43,113 That's Malcolm, always clowning. 1012 00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:45,282 Timber! 1013 00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:50,354 (EXCLAIMING) 1014 00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:56,093 Whoa, bull! 1015 01:00:09,373 --> 01:00:11,942 Malcolm, take off that red jacket! 1016 01:00:13,811 --> 01:00:15,045 Now wave it in front of the bull! 1017 01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:16,914 Wave it in front of him! 1018 01:00:16,947 --> 01:00:18,315 Wave it at the bull! 1019 01:00:18,348 --> 01:00:21,919 Oh. You mean like Rudolph Valentino in Blood and Sand? 1020 01:00:22,853 --> 01:00:24,088 El toro! 1021 01:00:25,790 --> 01:00:27,191 Matador! 1022 01:00:27,224 --> 01:00:28,893 Toreador! 1023 01:00:28,926 --> 01:00:30,327 Picador! 1024 01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,897 Kitchen door! Shut the door! 1025 01:00:33,831 --> 01:00:35,099 (BELLOWING) 1026 01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,803 Attaboy! Now he's afraid of you! 1027 01:00:38,836 --> 01:00:41,839 (CROWD CHEERING) 1028 01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:16,140 (SINGING IN MOCK SPANISH) 1029 01:01:31,121 --> 01:01:32,222 (SNARLING) 1030 01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:41,732 Pretty good, huh, Steve? 1031 01:01:41,766 --> 01:01:42,933 I'm just like Rudolph Valentino. 1032 01:01:42,967 --> 01:01:45,169 Didn't he fight the bull with a red cloth, too? 1033 01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:47,237 No, Malcolm, he had a sword! 1034 01:01:47,271 --> 01:01:49,306 He had a sword to fight him with! 1035 01:01:49,907 --> 01:01:51,742 Sure he had a sword. 1036 01:01:52,810 --> 01:01:55,145 He had a sword to fight him with? 1037 01:01:56,046 --> 01:01:58,448 Bull. No fair, bull. 1038 01:02:00,217 --> 01:02:01,485 (EXCLAIMING) 1039 01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:07,091 Nice bull. Here. Back. 1040 01:02:10,294 --> 01:02:12,362 I just came for milk. 1041 01:02:13,831 --> 01:02:15,766 The little woman, bull. 1042 01:02:20,204 --> 01:02:22,973 Good bull. Nice bull. 1043 01:02:23,007 --> 01:02:24,942 Run, Malcolm! Run! 1044 01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:26,310 Bull! Bull! 1045 01:02:47,064 --> 01:02:49,499 Gee whiz, you saved my life. 1046 01:02:49,533 --> 01:02:52,269 You're the bravest. And what a pal. 1047 01:02:52,970 --> 01:02:55,739 You're a real pal, the best pal a guy could ever have. 1048 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:56,941 Malcolm, will you forget it? 1049 01:02:56,974 --> 01:02:59,076 Well, I can't forget it. You could've been killed. 1050 01:02:59,109 --> 01:03:00,277 I said forget it. 1051 01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:02,046 I certainly won't. 1052 01:03:08,518 --> 01:03:10,220 You know, I made a mistake. 1053 01:03:10,254 --> 01:03:13,257 You're a different kind of Mr. Wiley, Mr. Wiley. 1054 01:03:13,290 --> 01:03:15,025 Well, now we're getting somewhere. 1055 01:03:15,059 --> 01:03:18,262 Yes, but we're only getting to Las Vegas, remember? 1056 01:03:25,269 --> 01:03:27,437 ALL: * Tourists come to old Nevada 1057 01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:29,206 * To see the Colorado 1058 01:03:29,239 --> 01:03:32,476 * Although the movie censor won't let us utter "Damn" 1059 01:03:33,343 --> 01:03:36,480 * They can't stop us from saying "Boulder Dam" 1060 01:03:36,513 --> 01:03:38,782 * When you cross into Nevada 1061 01:03:38,815 --> 01:03:40,217 * Cross into Nevada 1062 01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:43,120 * You're in the wild and wooly West 1063 01:03:43,153 --> 01:03:45,255 * Where the two-gun bandits once rode nightly 1064 01:03:45,289 --> 01:03:47,224 * One-armed bandits now politely 1065 01:03:47,257 --> 01:03:49,426 * Help to deplete your treasure chest 1066 01:03:49,927 --> 01:03:51,161 * In Las Vegas 1067 01:03:51,195 --> 01:03:55,933 * In the wild and wooly West! * 1068 01:04:10,147 --> 01:04:12,249 Well, Red, end of the line. 1069 01:04:13,383 --> 01:04:15,452 Yes, I guess it is. 1070 01:04:16,453 --> 01:04:19,957 I guess it's the end of the end of the line, I guess. 1071 01:04:24,561 --> 01:04:27,197 I'll get your bags for you, Terry. 1072 01:04:27,231 --> 01:04:31,035 Come on, Mr. Bascom. Come on, boy. 1073 01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:32,169 Come with me. 1074 01:04:40,077 --> 01:04:43,180 (WHINING) 1075 01:04:45,082 --> 01:04:46,383 (WHINING) 1076 01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:55,259 Come on, DuBarry. 1077 01:05:04,668 --> 01:05:06,971 Mr. Bascom, come back here! 1078 01:05:10,474 --> 01:05:12,609 Mr. Bascom! Mr. Bascom! 1079 01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:14,444 Excuse me, have you seen Mr. Bascom? 1080 01:05:14,478 --> 01:05:16,380 Mr. Bascom? One moment, sir. 1081 01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:18,282 Mr. Bascom! Mr. Bascom! 1082 01:05:18,315 --> 01:05:19,349 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 1083 01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:21,351 Oh, there he is. Paging Mr. Bascom. 1084 01:05:21,385 --> 01:05:22,987 Never mind, he's over... Mr. Bascom. 1085 01:05:23,020 --> 01:05:25,422 No, you don't have to... Paging Mr. Bascom. 1086 01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:47,111 Go away. 1087 01:05:47,144 --> 01:05:48,678 Leave her alone. 1088 01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:50,014 Mr. Bascom, where are you? 1089 01:05:50,047 --> 01:05:51,281 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 1090 01:05:51,315 --> 01:05:53,650 Oh, there you are. Come back here. 1091 01:05:53,683 --> 01:05:55,685 Mr. Bascom! 1092 01:05:55,719 --> 01:05:59,189 Mr. Bascom, don't you know it isn't nice to annoy ladies? 1093 01:05:59,223 --> 01:06:01,992 I'm awfully sorry, ma'am, but, you see, he... Oh! 1094 01:06:02,459 --> 01:06:04,028 It's you! 1095 01:06:04,061 --> 01:06:07,397 Live, not on film and not a kinescope, but in the flesh. 1096 01:06:07,431 --> 01:06:10,034 And, oh, what flesh! 1097 01:06:10,067 --> 01:06:11,401 Thank you for calling your dog, Mr... 1098 01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:12,669 Mr. Bascom. 1099 01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:14,138 And I'm awfully glad to meet you. 1100 01:06:14,171 --> 01:06:15,639 I mean, he's Mr. Bascom. 1101 01:06:15,672 --> 01:06:17,274 (STUTTERING) I'm mister... No, I'm me! 1102 01:06:17,307 --> 01:06:18,708 I'm Malcolm Smith, 1103 01:06:18,742 --> 01:06:20,710 the Malcolm Smith that writes you special delivery airmail letters. 1104 01:06:20,744 --> 01:06:23,013 I've licked a thousand stamps for you. 1105 01:06:23,047 --> 01:06:24,581 Oh, and I dreamed of meeting you, 1106 01:06:24,614 --> 01:06:26,683 and I dreamed of your hair, and your nose, 1107 01:06:26,716 --> 01:06:30,254 and your lips, and your chin, and your eyes, 1108 01:06:30,287 --> 01:06:31,721 and your fingertips. 1109 01:06:31,755 --> 01:06:35,125 We're gonna be neighbors. Neighbors? I just moved. 1110 01:06:35,159 --> 01:06:37,261 We can share the same incinerator. 1111 01:06:37,294 --> 01:06:39,563 Just think, I can deliver my letters in person. 1112 01:06:39,596 --> 01:06:40,730 Go away, you crazy... 1113 01:06:40,764 --> 01:06:42,699 Oh! Oh! Wait! Oh! 1114 01:06:42,732 --> 01:06:44,401 Oh! Oh! 1115 01:06:45,302 --> 01:06:47,137 What are you doing? Anita! 1116 01:06:47,171 --> 01:06:50,040 That's Anita. She fell in. I'm gonna go in and save her. 1117 01:06:50,074 --> 01:06:52,742 I can't swim but we'll both die together! 1118 01:07:04,688 --> 01:07:06,223 Don't push down! Pull up! 1119 01:07:06,256 --> 01:07:07,557 Don't push down! 1120 01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:16,066 I know. I know. 1121 01:07:16,100 --> 01:07:20,337 You told me that, but you are my psychiatrist and you must talk to her. 1122 01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:21,571 She's fallen in love with a Great Dane, 1123 01:07:21,605 --> 01:07:23,540 and I don't think they're compatible. 1124 01:07:23,573 --> 01:07:25,175 (WHINING) 1125 01:07:27,244 --> 01:07:28,578 But, gee whiz, Steve, she's your neighbor. 1126 01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:29,779 You can square things for me. 1127 01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:32,082 Listen, Malcolm, we're going to Hollywood and sell the car. 1128 01:07:32,116 --> 01:07:33,350 You got that straight? Yeah. 1129 01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:34,718 But if we sold the car here, I'd have some money. 1130 01:07:34,751 --> 01:07:37,087 And I could buy Anita a present, then she'd forgive me. 1131 01:07:37,121 --> 01:07:39,556 We can get more for the car in Hollywood. 1132 01:07:39,756 --> 01:07:40,757 Oh! 1133 01:07:41,758 --> 01:07:43,360 What's the matter? 1134 01:07:43,393 --> 01:07:44,694 I'm getting it. 1135 01:07:46,196 --> 01:07:47,231 I'm getting it. 1136 01:07:47,264 --> 01:07:48,332 Looks like you already got it. 1137 01:07:48,365 --> 01:07:50,300 No, the tingle in my fingers, see. 1138 01:07:50,334 --> 01:07:52,736 The tingle in my... There it is. There's the twitch. 1139 01:07:52,769 --> 01:07:54,671 The twitch always follows the tingle. 1140 01:07:54,704 --> 01:07:56,640 The tingle, then the twitch, and there goes the eye. 1141 01:07:56,673 --> 01:07:58,675 You see it, Steve? There goes the eye, the left eye. 1142 01:07:58,708 --> 01:08:00,777 First the twitch. 1143 01:08:00,810 --> 01:08:04,281 The tingling fingers, the eye. There. 1144 01:08:04,314 --> 01:08:06,416 I got it. Give me some money. 1145 01:08:06,450 --> 01:08:08,318 Don't you think a transfusion would be better? 1146 01:08:08,352 --> 01:08:09,686 No, give me some money, Steve. 1147 01:08:09,719 --> 01:08:11,087 All I got is two bits. 1148 01:08:11,121 --> 01:08:12,222 Well, that's enough. Give me that. 1149 01:08:12,256 --> 01:08:13,523 Hey! Hey! Here. Let's have it. 1150 01:08:13,557 --> 01:08:16,393 (STUTTERING) I got that feeling. 1151 01:08:16,426 --> 01:08:18,728 And when the twitch and the arm... 1152 01:08:18,762 --> 01:08:20,164 Malcolm! 1153 01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:22,266 (STAMMERING) 1154 01:08:22,299 --> 01:08:24,067 Take it easy, Malcolm. 1155 01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,870 You've been with Anita too long. 1156 01:08:28,438 --> 01:08:29,839 Listen. Listen. Look. 1157 01:08:29,873 --> 01:08:31,408 You're sick. You're sick. 1158 01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:33,543 No, which eye... Which eye... Which way? 1159 01:08:33,577 --> 01:08:35,545 Which way is the eye pointing? Which way? 1160 01:08:35,579 --> 01:08:37,080 Pointing? It's shut. 1161 01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:40,284 Well, lift the lid. Tell me which way it's pointing. 1162 01:08:40,317 --> 01:08:41,818 That way. That's the one. 1163 01:08:41,851 --> 01:08:44,554 That's the lucky one. 1164 01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:48,625 Well, there goes our last two bits. 1165 01:08:51,628 --> 01:08:52,829 (MALCOLM EXCLAIMING) 1166 01:08:54,664 --> 01:08:58,268 Yeah! See, I told you! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! 1167 01:08:58,302 --> 01:08:59,836 Jackpot. 1168 01:08:59,869 --> 01:09:02,372 (STUTTERING) I felt it. When the eye told... 1169 01:09:02,406 --> 01:09:04,208 How did you do it? Well... 1170 01:09:04,574 --> 01:09:06,410 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1171 01:09:06,443 --> 01:09:07,844 What's the matter now? The jerking. 1172 01:09:07,877 --> 01:09:10,614 Which way is... Which way is the jerking? 1173 01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:11,815 This way. 1174 01:09:11,848 --> 01:09:13,583 That's the one. Come on, the jerking. 1175 01:09:13,617 --> 01:09:16,453 That's it. Over here. The jerking. 1176 01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:18,222 (STAMMERING) 1177 01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:21,258 Seven the loser and the next man shoots. 1178 01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:23,360 This feels very lucky right here. What... 1179 01:09:23,393 --> 01:09:24,461 Craps? 1180 01:09:24,494 --> 01:09:25,729 You know how to play craps? 1181 01:09:25,762 --> 01:09:28,332 Well, no, but there's no handle on this game. I don't know... 1182 01:09:28,365 --> 01:09:29,533 You don't need a handle here. 1183 01:09:29,566 --> 01:09:30,700 But I have the lucky feeling. 1184 01:09:30,734 --> 01:09:31,801 You have? Yeah. 1185 01:09:31,835 --> 01:09:33,203 Here, let me have some chips here. 1186 01:09:33,237 --> 01:09:34,438 All right. Chips, yeah. 1187 01:09:34,471 --> 01:09:36,873 (STAMMERING) And you put... What do I... Do I hold the chips? 1188 01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:38,642 No, you take the dice. 1189 01:09:38,675 --> 01:09:39,743 Where? Here. 1190 01:09:39,776 --> 01:09:41,311 Take these two dice. Yeah. 1191 01:09:41,345 --> 01:09:42,612 Take these and I hold it? And throw them. 1192 01:09:42,646 --> 01:09:43,847 What? Just throw them. Throw them. 1193 01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,649 Throw them. All right. No! 1194 01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:48,385 Come here. Here, now take the dice. All right. 1195 01:09:48,418 --> 01:09:49,486 Throw them down there. 1196 01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:50,854 Yeah, all of these. 1197 01:09:50,887 --> 01:09:52,489 Okay, we'll shoot everything. Take these dice. Here, there's... 1198 01:09:52,522 --> 01:09:53,890 Not all of them! 1199 01:09:53,923 --> 01:09:55,559 Don't throw them... Throw two at a... 1200 01:09:55,592 --> 01:09:57,394 Come here, just two dice now. 1201 01:09:57,427 --> 01:09:59,195 Well, I don't know, see, and I'm... You just pick up two... 1202 01:09:59,229 --> 01:10:01,765 Look at all this... Here, here's the two. 1203 01:10:01,798 --> 01:10:02,866 Now roll a seven. 1204 01:10:02,899 --> 01:10:03,933 Here's the number. 1205 01:10:03,967 --> 01:10:05,935 No, roll it down there at the end, roll a seven. 1206 01:10:05,969 --> 01:10:08,338 Come on, a seven. I never... 1207 01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:12,576 Eleven, the winner! 1208 01:10:12,609 --> 01:10:13,810 Oh, 11. Fine, fine. 1209 01:10:13,843 --> 01:10:15,645 You got your mind on a seven. What is that? 1210 01:10:15,679 --> 01:10:17,747 11 is fine. Yeah, but we lost everything? 1211 01:10:17,781 --> 01:10:19,182 You gonna pay me, conductor? 1212 01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:20,384 Pay him, because that was an 11. 1213 01:10:20,417 --> 01:10:23,453 Hey, innkeeper, pay this man for that number. 1214 01:10:23,487 --> 01:10:25,355 What is it now? I gotta roll again? 1215 01:10:25,389 --> 01:10:26,956 Make another pass. Can you make a pass? 1216 01:10:26,990 --> 01:10:28,525 Make another pass. I can make a pass. 1217 01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:29,626 Go ahead, make a pass. 1218 01:10:29,659 --> 01:10:31,795 Honey, how would you... No! Not that kind of pass! 1219 01:10:31,828 --> 01:10:35,632 Oh, you mean like this? Yeah, another roll. Shoot them. 1220 01:10:35,665 --> 01:10:37,200 Six. Six is the number. 1221 01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,402 I lost all that money. 1222 01:10:38,435 --> 01:10:39,569 No, you didn't lose. Now, make a six. 1223 01:10:39,603 --> 01:10:40,670 Here's the dice. 1224 01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:41,838 Yeah, but you said a seven before. 1225 01:10:41,871 --> 01:10:42,939 Make a six now. 1226 01:10:42,972 --> 01:10:44,941 All right, here's a six, two threes is six. 1227 01:10:44,974 --> 01:10:46,810 No, you roll them to make a six. 1228 01:10:46,843 --> 01:10:48,812 Hit the board and come back. Make a six. 1229 01:10:48,845 --> 01:10:51,281 Oh, the same way like before. 1230 01:10:51,315 --> 01:10:52,649 CROUPIER: Eight! It's an eight, make a six. 1231 01:10:52,682 --> 01:10:53,950 Oh, we lost all our money! 1232 01:10:53,983 --> 01:10:55,419 No, we didn't lose anything! Make a six. 1233 01:10:55,452 --> 01:10:56,986 Yeah, but you said a six and I made an eight that time. 1234 01:10:57,020 --> 01:10:58,555 That's all right, you're allowed to do that. 1235 01:10:58,588 --> 01:11:00,624 Oh, all right. Come on, six. Just hurry up. Come on. 1236 01:11:00,657 --> 01:11:02,526 Watch your hand, lady! Lady! 1237 01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:04,961 CROUPIER: Six the winner. 1238 01:11:04,994 --> 01:11:06,863 Six! That's it, six. 1239 01:11:11,668 --> 01:11:13,470 That's a good game! 1240 01:11:13,503 --> 01:11:14,671 Give me them again. 1241 01:11:14,704 --> 01:11:16,005 Let me make sixes some more times. 1242 01:11:16,039 --> 01:11:17,507 No, wait a minute. 1243 01:11:17,541 --> 01:11:18,675 You got that lucky feeling? 1244 01:11:18,708 --> 01:11:20,477 Oh, I feel it in the fingers and all... 1245 01:11:20,510 --> 01:11:21,945 Do you think you can make snake eyes? 1246 01:11:21,978 --> 01:11:23,680 Yeah, yeah. Snakes look like this. 1247 01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:25,349 No, no, make snake eyes. 1248 01:11:25,382 --> 01:11:27,016 What snake eyes? I just made them for you. 1249 01:11:27,050 --> 01:11:31,388 No, make snake eyes. Two aces. Two aces. One on each dice. 1250 01:11:31,421 --> 01:11:32,856 Make it 30 to 1. 1251 01:11:32,889 --> 01:11:34,324 Oh, I can do that! 1252 01:11:34,358 --> 01:11:35,425 You're sure? 1253 01:11:35,459 --> 01:11:37,827 Oh, I'm so excited. Give me the dice. 30 to 1! 1254 01:11:37,861 --> 01:11:39,729 Put all of this on snake eyes. 1255 01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:42,399 ALL: Ooh! 1256 01:11:42,432 --> 01:11:44,000 Put it all on snake eyes. 1257 01:11:44,033 --> 01:11:45,469 All of it. That's it. 1258 01:11:45,502 --> 01:11:46,736 Give me the... 1259 01:11:46,770 --> 01:11:48,738 They're taking the money but they're not giving me the dice. 1260 01:11:48,772 --> 01:11:49,973 That's all right, they're not locking it up. 1261 01:11:50,006 --> 01:11:51,575 Mister, give me... All right, they're coming out. 1262 01:11:51,608 --> 01:11:54,911 Snake eyes. Malcolm, you make snake eyes and we'll change the name of this place. 1263 01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:57,681 Don't drown them. Just make snake eyes. 1264 01:11:57,714 --> 01:12:00,484 Oh, well, I see them do that in the movies, like the Monte Cristo movie. 1265 01:12:00,517 --> 01:12:03,453 Make snake eyes. 30 to 1. 1266 01:12:03,953 --> 01:12:05,555 CROUPIER: Snake eyes! 1267 01:12:08,858 --> 01:12:10,660 I knew it! 1268 01:12:10,694 --> 01:12:12,295 What happened? 1269 01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:15,732 Oh! Steve what's the matter? What happened? 1270 01:12:15,765 --> 01:12:17,734 Did I do bad? Why did you faint? 1271 01:12:17,767 --> 01:12:19,035 You throwed two aces. 1272 01:12:19,068 --> 01:12:20,470 Yeah, that's what you told me to do. 1273 01:12:20,504 --> 01:12:23,306 You nearly won $9,000 or $10,000, you won. 1274 01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:24,641 We won $9,000 or $10,000? 1275 01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,710 How do you do that? Well, it's the lucky feeling. 1276 01:12:26,743 --> 01:12:28,044 Remember I told you about the itching, 1277 01:12:28,077 --> 01:12:29,312 and the twitching and the jerking? 1278 01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:32,416 I knew something was just driving me to come to this table. 1279 01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:34,951 $9,000 or $10,000 is nothing because when I get the lucky... 1280 01:12:34,984 --> 01:12:36,820 $9,000 or $10,000? 1281 01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:42,358 NEWSCASTER ON TV: On the lighter side, in Las Vegas today, 1282 01:12:42,392 --> 01:12:45,495 these two fellows, Steve Wiley and Malcolm Smith, 1283 01:12:45,529 --> 01:12:49,933 made history when they pyramided 25 cents to a small fortune 1284 01:12:49,966 --> 01:12:51,801 in less than 10 minutes. 1285 01:12:51,835 --> 01:12:55,004 Hey, boss, there's Wiley. He's in Vegas. 1286 01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,340 Las Vegas? 1287 01:12:57,373 --> 01:12:58,708 Get me Sammy Ross in Los Angeles. 1288 01:12:58,742 --> 01:13:00,544 He can make it to Vegas in an hour. 1289 01:13:00,577 --> 01:13:01,678 I concur. 1290 01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:02,979 Come on. Come on. 1291 01:13:06,883 --> 01:13:08,985 Don't put that on yet, Red. 1292 01:13:10,820 --> 01:13:12,789 Mess up my collar. 1293 01:13:12,822 --> 01:13:14,558 Steve! 1294 01:13:14,591 --> 01:13:16,493 Why, I thought you'd left hours ago. 1295 01:13:16,526 --> 01:13:18,094 Malcolm got lucky and I thought, 1296 01:13:18,127 --> 01:13:20,964 maybe some of it might rub off on me. 1297 01:13:21,531 --> 01:13:23,066 Steve, please. 1298 01:13:23,099 --> 01:13:24,834 Oh, don't mind us. 1299 01:13:25,702 --> 01:13:28,104 This is making it the hard way, but where were we? 1300 01:13:28,137 --> 01:13:29,973 We're on in a minute. 1301 01:13:34,878 --> 01:13:35,979 Steve, I'll lose my job. 1302 01:13:36,012 --> 01:13:37,647 You just quit. 1303 01:13:38,114 --> 01:13:40,116 We're going to Hollywood. 1304 01:13:41,485 --> 01:13:43,052 No, no, it wouldn't be any good. 1305 01:13:43,086 --> 01:13:44,921 Look, Malcolm and I got it all figured out. 1306 01:13:44,954 --> 01:13:49,759 With the money he won, we can get into some kind of a racket, a business. 1307 01:13:49,793 --> 01:13:53,797 Real nine-to-five, five days a week, kind of business? 1308 01:13:53,830 --> 01:13:55,599 No horses, no... Honey, 1309 01:13:55,632 --> 01:13:58,768 we won't even buy our first monster a hobby horse. 1310 01:13:59,603 --> 01:14:01,538 You can make book on that. 1311 01:14:01,871 --> 01:14:05,909 Now you go ahead and get yourself ready, and I'll find our best man. 1312 01:14:17,521 --> 01:14:20,890 And the other guy says, "I didn't even figure I was in the same town. 1313 01:14:20,924 --> 01:14:23,993 "I had a magazine, thought I'd wait around." 1314 01:14:24,027 --> 01:14:27,797 And he sees that there wasn't even much chance to catch the bus. 1315 01:14:31,901 --> 01:14:34,070 Catch the bus. 1316 01:14:34,103 --> 01:14:36,039 Waiter! 1317 01:14:36,072 --> 01:14:38,474 Catch the bus. 1318 01:14:38,508 --> 01:14:40,544 Let's have some more champagne and caviar. Yes, sir. 1319 01:14:40,577 --> 01:14:44,113 Waiter, let's have some more champagne and caviar. Yes, sir. 1320 01:14:44,147 --> 01:14:45,915 Waiter, while you're at it, 1321 01:14:45,949 --> 01:14:47,951 how about bringing us some more champagne 1322 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:49,519 and more caviar? Yes, sir. 1323 01:14:49,553 --> 01:14:50,854 Waiter, will you stop jumping around 1324 01:14:50,887 --> 01:14:52,922 and please stand still so I can give you my order? 1325 01:14:53,222 --> 01:14:54,958 We'd like to have some more champagne... 1326 01:14:54,991 --> 01:14:56,059 And more caviar. 1327 01:14:56,092 --> 01:14:57,226 Don't be ridiculous. 1328 01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:58,528 I've ordered enough caviar. 1329 01:14:58,562 --> 01:14:59,863 How much do you think I can afford? 1330 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,731 Just get some champagne. Thank you. 1331 01:15:01,765 --> 01:15:03,800 Waiter. You're welcome. 1332 01:15:07,771 --> 01:15:09,639 Well, bottoms up! 1333 01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:13,610 Excuse me, I forgot there were ladies present. 1334 01:15:22,652 --> 01:15:24,954 All right, easy, Sammy. You're wrinkling my cummerbund. 1335 01:15:24,988 --> 01:15:26,890 I'll wrinkle your brains. 1336 01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,758 The boss hears you're loaded. 1337 01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:30,126 His battery's out of order. 1338 01:15:30,159 --> 01:15:33,062 Yeah? You and your partner had your picture on TV. 1339 01:15:33,096 --> 01:15:35,231 From two bits to a fortune, they said! 1340 01:15:35,264 --> 01:15:37,100 Well, it was my partner's loot. He won it. 1341 01:15:37,133 --> 01:15:38,702 So you borrow it from him. 1342 01:15:38,735 --> 01:15:40,103 Now, your battery's out of order. 1343 01:15:40,136 --> 01:15:42,105 So I borrow from him. 1344 01:15:42,138 --> 01:15:44,140 Sammy, leave the kid alone. 1345 01:15:44,574 --> 01:15:46,943 I didn't fly up here for nothing, chum. 1346 01:15:46,976 --> 01:15:49,613 Maybe I can make it worth your while. 1347 01:16:27,183 --> 01:16:28,251 Where are we? 1348 01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:30,219 Shh! Terry's asleep. 1349 01:16:30,253 --> 01:16:33,189 No, I'm not. I just like it here. 1350 01:16:33,222 --> 01:16:35,091 Morning, Terry. 1351 01:16:35,124 --> 01:16:36,926 Oh, good morning, Malcolm. 1352 01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:39,195 How do you feel? Oh, very nice. 1353 01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,067 Steve, where are we? 1354 01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:45,568 Almost to Hollywood. 1355 01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:48,304 Hollywood! Let's go back to Las Vegas, Steve. 1356 01:16:48,337 --> 01:16:50,106 Please. I gotta see Anita again. 1357 01:16:50,139 --> 01:16:52,942 Oh, Malcolm, why don't you forget about Anita? 1358 01:16:52,976 --> 01:16:55,078 You're just another fan to her. 1359 01:16:55,111 --> 01:16:58,214 Not after the present I sent her. Please, Steve, turn around. 1360 01:16:58,247 --> 01:17:01,584 Relax, boy. A lot of fans send presents. 1361 01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:03,953 Yeah? With real diamonds in it? 1362 01:17:03,987 --> 01:17:05,655 Real diamonds? 1363 01:17:05,689 --> 01:17:06,923 They'd better be real diamonds. 1364 01:17:06,956 --> 01:17:08,692 I spent all the money I won on it. 1365 01:17:09,025 --> 01:17:11,194 You spent all your winnings on a present? 1366 01:17:11,227 --> 01:17:13,930 Yeah, for a beautiful necklace 1367 01:17:13,963 --> 01:17:16,632 to go around her beautiful neck. 1368 01:17:16,666 --> 01:17:18,634 Before my hands go around your beautiful neck, 1369 01:17:18,668 --> 01:17:20,236 how much money we got left? 1370 01:17:20,269 --> 01:17:23,239 Don't worry, Steve. I still got your quarter. 1371 01:17:23,272 --> 01:17:24,874 Here it is. 1372 01:17:25,174 --> 01:17:29,045 Did I do bad? Was it bad? What did I do bad? 1373 01:17:43,026 --> 01:17:45,161 Steve, honest, I don't want to sell my half of the car. 1374 01:17:45,194 --> 01:17:46,395 Really, it's become part of me. 1375 01:17:46,429 --> 01:17:47,831 Can't you think of something else? 1376 01:17:47,864 --> 01:17:49,065 I'm thinking of something. 1377 01:17:49,098 --> 01:17:50,233 I'm thinking of double homicide. 1378 01:17:50,266 --> 01:17:52,368 One for each of your heads! 1379 01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:54,637 Look, will you just listen for a second? 1380 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,139 This is the first car I ever owned. 1381 01:17:56,172 --> 01:17:57,807 Really, it's the first thing I ever owned 1382 01:17:57,841 --> 01:17:59,242 that didn't eat Poochy Pup Dog Food. 1383 01:17:59,275 --> 01:18:00,777 Look, why don't you be brave, boy? 1384 01:18:00,810 --> 01:18:02,111 You know, fly right through it. 1385 01:18:02,145 --> 01:18:04,647 You know, like Jimmy Stewart in 30 Seconds Over Tokyo. 1386 01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,282 No, that was Strategic Air Command. I'm sorry. 1387 01:18:06,315 --> 01:18:08,818 That was a Paramount picture. That's all right. But I don't wanna fly. 1388 01:18:08,852 --> 01:18:10,787 I just wanna rollio, rollio in my new car. 1389 01:18:10,820 --> 01:18:12,421 I love it so much, I even made up a poem about it. 1390 01:18:12,455 --> 01:18:13,723 Would you like to hear it? 1391 01:18:13,757 --> 01:18:15,458 (TO TUNE OF THREE BLIND MICE) * My new car 1392 01:18:15,925 --> 01:18:17,994 * Oh, how it ran 1393 01:18:18,027 --> 01:18:20,864 * It's as red as a beautiful slice of ham 1394 01:18:20,897 --> 01:18:23,699 * As shiny and bright as a frying pan 1395 01:18:23,733 --> 01:18:26,669 * It shouldn't belong to no Stupid Sam 1396 01:18:26,702 --> 01:18:28,437 * My new car. 1397 01:18:29,839 --> 01:18:31,307 You know, I never thought I'd live to say this, 1398 01:18:31,340 --> 01:18:33,877 but I like that Poochy Pup poem much better. 1399 01:18:33,910 --> 01:18:35,244 Yeah, I like that one, too. Oh, come on. 1400 01:18:35,278 --> 01:18:36,980 Would you like to hear it again? I could sing it. 1401 01:18:37,013 --> 01:18:39,015 (LAUGHING) 1402 01:18:41,417 --> 01:18:43,920 Well, perfect condition. 1403 01:18:44,888 --> 01:18:48,224 You're right, boy. Clean as a whistle. 1404 01:18:48,257 --> 01:18:51,828 You read my sign. You know how stupid I am. 1405 01:18:51,861 --> 01:18:53,396 Yeah, yeah. I know that. 1406 01:18:53,429 --> 01:18:55,731 I'll give you $1,500. 1407 01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:57,901 $1,500? $1,500? 1408 01:18:57,934 --> 01:18:58,968 $1,500? 1409 01:18:59,002 --> 01:19:00,403 Let's go around again! 1410 01:19:00,436 --> 01:19:02,806 Oh, come on. Now look, this car's only a week old. 1411 01:19:02,839 --> 01:19:05,274 I think we should at least get $4,000. 1412 01:19:05,308 --> 01:19:08,744 Cars depreciate fast that first week, boy. 1413 01:19:08,778 --> 01:19:11,948 Not that fast, boy. Come on, let's get out of here. 1414 01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:16,519 (LAUGHING) 1415 01:19:18,354 --> 01:19:19,355 Come on. 1416 01:19:20,289 --> 01:19:22,291 I'm sure glad you didn't sell, Steve. 1417 01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:23,827 We'd be more stupid than Stupid 1418 01:19:23,860 --> 01:19:25,394 if we were ever stupid enough to sell to Stupid. 1419 01:19:25,428 --> 01:19:27,296 Oh, inside, stupid. 1420 01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:31,734 (SAM CHUCKLING) 1421 01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:35,138 No gas? You really are low on cash. 1422 01:19:35,538 --> 01:19:37,340 (LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY) 1423 01:19:37,373 --> 01:19:38,441 There it is. 1424 01:19:42,511 --> 01:19:44,347 Here's your half, Malcolm. 1425 01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,781 Thank you. 1426 01:19:49,252 --> 01:19:51,120 Here's your $40, Terry. 1427 01:19:52,355 --> 01:19:54,123 I'll get you a cab. 1428 01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,392 Taxi! 1429 01:20:01,230 --> 01:20:04,467 Taxi? Where are you going, Terry? 1430 01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:07,136 I didn't know I was going anywhere. 1431 01:20:14,577 --> 01:20:15,945 Steve! 1432 01:20:18,014 --> 01:20:22,952 As Malcolm said, just where am I going? 1433 01:20:24,387 --> 01:20:26,389 You said you had an audition in Hollywood. 1434 01:20:26,422 --> 01:20:28,357 This is Hollywood. Oh. 1435 01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:32,295 What was Vegas? An audition, too? 1436 01:20:34,898 --> 01:20:36,399 That's about it. 1437 01:20:37,300 --> 01:20:40,103 I'm sorry I didn't make good, Mr. Wiley. 1438 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:42,238 Goodbye. 1439 01:20:51,447 --> 01:20:52,448 Psst. 1440 01:20:53,516 --> 01:20:56,852 Don't say anything, but here's a deposit. 1441 01:20:56,886 --> 01:20:58,854 I'd like you to hold the car for a few days. 1442 01:20:58,888 --> 01:21:01,090 I'm gonna get lucky and buy it back. 1443 01:21:03,592 --> 01:21:07,863 Yes. You'd better get awful lucky. 1444 01:21:09,265 --> 01:21:12,135 This is a very nice business you have here. 1445 01:21:18,341 --> 01:21:20,143 Hey, Steve, where did Terry go? 1446 01:21:20,176 --> 01:21:22,111 Never mind where Terry went. Here. 1447 01:21:22,145 --> 01:21:24,047 Here's the rest of your money. My money? 1448 01:21:24,080 --> 01:21:25,982 You already gave me my half. This is your half. 1449 01:21:26,015 --> 01:21:28,017 No, it's all yours. 1450 01:21:28,051 --> 01:21:30,086 The whole car is yours. It always was. 1451 01:21:30,119 --> 01:21:32,855 I just got in on the deal with a phony ticket. 1452 01:21:32,888 --> 01:21:34,523 Phony ticket? Yeah, phony ticket. 1453 01:21:34,557 --> 01:21:37,460 I had it printed up myself. 1454 01:21:37,493 --> 01:21:39,963 You mean in the theater with... 1455 01:21:40,496 --> 01:21:42,598 Well, what's the difference, Steve? We're friends now. 1456 01:21:42,631 --> 01:21:44,067 What's the difference how we met? 1457 01:21:44,100 --> 01:21:46,102 Friends? I tried to steal your car. 1458 01:21:46,135 --> 01:21:48,904 I'd have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that hound of yours. 1459 01:21:48,938 --> 01:21:50,306 Yeah, I understand that, Steve. 1460 01:21:50,339 --> 01:21:51,507 But remember, I'd have never known 1461 01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:53,076 about the phony ticket or the stealing 1462 01:21:53,109 --> 01:21:55,911 if you didn't tell me, which means that you're very noble. 1463 01:21:55,945 --> 01:21:58,948 You're as noble as Abraham Lincoln or Raymond Massey. 1464 01:21:58,982 --> 01:22:01,217 Malcolm, this may come as a shock to you, 1465 01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:03,186 but Anita Ekberg isn't even my neighbor. 1466 01:22:03,219 --> 01:22:04,453 Oh, I know it. 1467 01:22:04,487 --> 01:22:05,888 You know that? 1468 01:22:05,921 --> 01:22:08,091 Oh, yeah, I know that, too, from reading the movie magazines. 1469 01:22:08,124 --> 01:22:09,392 So you see, you weren't lying. 1470 01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:10,659 You were just pretending, Steve. 1471 01:22:10,693 --> 01:22:13,896 Pretending? I was lying, Malcolm. Look, I'm in trouble. 1472 01:22:13,929 --> 01:22:15,398 And anybody with me is in trouble. 1473 01:22:15,431 --> 01:22:18,567 I owe a bookie big money and this is a big bookie. 1474 01:22:18,601 --> 01:22:21,537 Yeah, well, that's all right, Steve, because, well, let's see. 1475 01:22:21,570 --> 01:22:24,240 I can get you some money. I can get the lucky feeling again. 1476 01:22:24,273 --> 01:22:26,042 Where are we gonna find the crap tables? 1477 01:22:26,075 --> 01:22:28,011 Under the orange trees? 1478 01:22:29,212 --> 01:22:33,149 Wait a minute. You think you can get that lucky feeling again? 1479 01:22:34,083 --> 01:22:35,451 I know I can. 1480 01:22:36,152 --> 01:22:38,554 Hollywood Park, here we come. Taxi! 1481 01:22:39,622 --> 01:22:42,691 Yeah, but I can't go to the races dressed in these clothes. 1482 01:22:42,725 --> 01:22:45,728 It's all right, we'll change in the cab. Then we'll check our luggage. 1483 01:22:47,296 --> 01:22:48,964 COMMENTATOR OVER PA: Heading for home, it's King Leo by a length, 1484 01:22:48,998 --> 01:22:52,468 Limping Home by a head, Dragon Fire by a neck and Hot Rivet. 1485 01:22:52,501 --> 01:22:55,371 In the stretch, it's King Leo leading by three lengths 1486 01:22:55,404 --> 01:22:59,042 ahead of Limping Home, Dragon Fire and Hot Rivet. 1487 01:22:59,075 --> 01:23:01,177 And the winner is King Leo! 1488 01:23:02,411 --> 01:23:03,579 (WHINING) 1489 01:23:03,612 --> 01:23:05,714 STEVE: You and your lucky feeling. 1490 01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:10,586 MALCOLM: Gee, I'm sorry. Come on, Mr. Bascom. 1491 01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,989 But, Steve, listen to me. 1492 01:23:14,023 --> 01:23:17,026 Oh, quiet. I've done all the listening to you I'm gonna do. 1493 01:23:17,060 --> 01:23:19,595 Don't be mad at me, Steve. Will you be quiet? 1494 01:23:19,628 --> 01:23:21,364 Do you want us to get thrown out of here? 1495 01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:22,731 No, I like it here. 1496 01:23:22,765 --> 01:23:25,201 Gosh, I can't believe it. We're in the actual Hollywood Bowl. 1497 01:23:25,234 --> 01:23:27,303 You know I never slept in a bowl before? 1498 01:23:27,336 --> 01:23:30,239 Would you believe it? Neither did I. 1499 01:23:30,273 --> 01:23:31,707 It just so happens tonight 1500 01:23:31,740 --> 01:23:34,677 I haven't got enough money for a nice hotel room. 1501 01:23:34,710 --> 01:23:36,645 Yeah, but I told you before, Steve, 1502 01:23:36,679 --> 01:23:39,048 this is the first time my lucky feeling didn't work. 1503 01:23:39,082 --> 01:23:41,684 You told me. You told me. Now get some sleep. 1504 01:23:41,717 --> 01:23:44,253 But I'm not sleepy. I'm too excited. 1505 01:23:44,287 --> 01:23:46,322 Do you realize this is the Hollywood Bowl 1506 01:23:46,355 --> 01:23:48,291 where some of the great symphony conductors 1507 01:23:48,324 --> 01:23:50,226 conduct some of their great symphonies? 1508 01:23:50,259 --> 01:23:51,660 I know. I know. 1509 01:23:51,694 --> 01:23:55,231 And do you also realize that the Hollywood Bowl has 20,000 seats, 1510 01:23:55,264 --> 01:23:58,734 and it's completely surrounded by 2,496 trees? 1511 01:23:59,402 --> 01:24:00,703 (WHINING) 1512 01:24:02,171 --> 01:24:06,609 Look, if you don't clam up, one of those 2,496 trees 1513 01:24:06,642 --> 01:24:08,777 is gonna have a limp body hanging from them. 1514 01:24:08,811 --> 01:24:10,679 Now get some sleep! 1515 01:24:10,713 --> 01:24:14,117 All right. You don't have to get mad. 1516 01:24:20,323 --> 01:24:26,095 (SNORING ECHOING) 1517 01:24:28,364 --> 01:24:33,602 (BABBLING) 1518 01:24:35,204 --> 01:24:36,672 "Anita Ekberg starts shooting" 1519 01:24:36,705 --> 01:24:39,375 "her VistaVision picture at Paramount today." 1520 01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:41,777 "The blonde star is now over the severe cold she caught" 1521 01:24:41,810 --> 01:24:43,412 "in a Las Vegas swimming pool." 1522 01:24:43,446 --> 01:24:45,348 (MALCOLM BLABBERING) 1523 01:24:45,381 --> 01:24:48,151 "Paramount is also testing Terry Roberts" 1524 01:24:48,184 --> 01:24:49,385 "for a singing and dancing role" 1525 01:24:49,418 --> 01:24:51,154 "in the new Elvis Presley movie." 1526 01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:54,123 "Miss Roberts' previous experience was..." 1527 01:24:54,157 --> 01:24:56,525 (MALCOLM BLABBERING) 1528 01:25:01,864 --> 01:25:04,200 Up, Malcolm. Up, up! 1529 01:25:04,233 --> 01:25:05,568 Come on, up. Oh. 1530 01:25:05,601 --> 01:25:07,403 You know something? Yeah, I know something. 1531 01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:09,572 I was just dreaming about Anita and you know what? 1532 01:25:09,605 --> 01:25:11,640 She was wearing my necklace. 1533 01:25:11,674 --> 01:25:14,143 You know, it's funny. I dreamed about Anita, too. 1534 01:25:14,177 --> 01:25:16,679 And what right do you have to be dreaming about my girl? 1535 01:25:16,712 --> 01:25:19,748 Malcolm, all we did was talk about you. Oh, yeah? 1536 01:25:19,782 --> 01:25:22,185 And, oh, is she mad at you. Oh, no. 1537 01:25:22,218 --> 01:25:23,819 Oh, she's angry with you. No. 1538 01:25:23,852 --> 01:25:25,354 Yeah, she said that no nice girl 1539 01:25:25,388 --> 01:25:27,723 takes expensive gifts from total strangers. 1540 01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:29,825 She wants you to go to the studio and take it back 1541 01:25:29,858 --> 01:25:31,694 so I can pay off Bookie Benny. 1542 01:25:31,727 --> 01:25:32,861 Take it back? Mmm-hmm. 1543 01:25:32,895 --> 01:25:34,563 What do you want me to be? An Indian giver? 1544 01:25:34,597 --> 01:25:37,833 Yeah, give her an Indian. That's not so personal. Yeah, that... 1545 01:25:37,866 --> 01:25:40,303 Come on, Malcolm. Come on. 1546 01:25:40,336 --> 01:25:42,505 Come on, Mr. Bascom. Come on. 1547 01:25:46,875 --> 01:25:48,577 Come on, Malcolm. 1548 01:25:49,412 --> 01:25:51,113 But, Steve, I'm trying to tell you, 1549 01:25:51,146 --> 01:25:53,682 you can't just walk into a studio. 1550 01:25:53,716 --> 01:25:56,519 You can't walk into Paramount Studio or any other studio. 1551 01:25:56,552 --> 01:25:58,354 It says so in the fan magazines... 1552 01:26:16,472 --> 01:26:17,740 Hey, you! 1553 01:26:17,773 --> 01:26:18,774 Huh? 1554 01:26:19,275 --> 01:26:20,776 Is that a real dummy you got there? 1555 01:26:20,809 --> 01:26:22,478 This is really a real dummy. 1556 01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:24,247 Cut it out, Steve. 1557 01:26:29,818 --> 01:26:31,254 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 1558 01:26:38,661 --> 01:26:39,728 (BARKING) 1559 01:26:40,629 --> 01:26:42,465 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 1560 01:26:44,367 --> 01:26:45,468 (LAUGHING) 1561 01:26:46,902 --> 01:26:49,272 Hey, watch where you're going! 1562 01:26:53,276 --> 01:26:54,643 Wait. Let's separate. 1563 01:26:54,677 --> 01:26:56,279 Maybe she's in there. 1564 01:27:04,253 --> 01:27:05,554 Good idea. 1565 01:27:06,789 --> 01:27:07,856 (WHISTLE BLOWING) 1566 01:27:12,895 --> 01:27:15,931 (ORCHESTRA PLAYING IT LOOKS LIKE LOVE) 1567 01:27:21,437 --> 01:27:24,973 * It looks like love 1568 01:27:25,007 --> 01:27:28,911 * It feels like love 1569 01:27:28,944 --> 01:27:35,718 * And I confess it's got me rocking on my heels like love 1570 01:27:36,585 --> 01:27:42,958 * How else can I account for that unexpected... * 1571 01:27:43,892 --> 01:27:45,961 What's the matter, kid? 1572 01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,596 I'm sorry. 1573 01:27:47,630 --> 01:27:50,299 I just can't seem to get with it today. 1574 01:27:50,499 --> 01:27:52,835 Maybe I could come back some other time? 1575 01:27:52,868 --> 01:27:56,505 CONDUCTOR: Honey, it's a love song. Just sing it like you mean it. 1576 01:27:56,805 --> 01:27:58,307 Okay, boys. 1577 01:27:59,342 --> 01:28:02,645 (ORCHESTRA PLAYING IT LOOKS LIKE LOVE) 1578 01:28:02,678 --> 01:28:06,415 * It looks like love 1579 01:28:06,449 --> 01:28:08,584 * It feels like... 1580 01:28:10,486 --> 01:28:16,592 * And I confess it's got me rocking on my heels like love 1581 01:28:18,060 --> 01:28:25,033 * How else can I account for that unexpected glow? 1582 01:28:25,901 --> 01:28:32,908 * That turns the night to day each time we say hello 1583 01:28:33,942 --> 01:28:35,844 * It looks like love 1584 01:28:35,878 --> 01:28:37,713 * It looks like love 1585 01:28:37,746 --> 01:28:39,748 * It could be love 1586 01:28:39,782 --> 01:28:41,784 * Yes, it could be love. 1587 01:28:41,817 --> 01:28:48,357 BOTH: * But if it's not, it's so darned wonderful it should be love 1588 01:28:49,392 --> 01:28:53,362 * There's a lot more I could tell you. 1589 01:28:53,396 --> 01:29:00,102 BOTH: * But you take my breath away 1590 01:29:00,769 --> 01:29:04,873 * Yes, it looks like love 1591 01:29:04,907 --> 01:29:11,814 * Has come to stay. 1592 01:29:20,923 --> 01:29:22,591 I thought you were a single. 1593 01:29:22,625 --> 01:29:24,427 Only duets from here on in. 1594 01:29:26,829 --> 01:29:28,130 MAN: Quiet! 1595 01:29:29,031 --> 01:29:30,933 Okay, everybody quiet! 1596 01:29:33,869 --> 01:29:36,004 It's her, Mr. Bascom. It's her. 1597 01:29:38,106 --> 01:29:41,477 All right, Anita. Now... 1598 01:29:41,510 --> 01:29:44,880 Now, in this scene remember, Napoleon is just returning from Elba. 1599 01:29:44,913 --> 01:29:48,717 Now, you're waiting for Napoleon, breathlessly, impatiently. 1600 01:29:50,586 --> 01:29:53,856 He's your husband. You're his wife. 1601 01:29:54,790 --> 01:29:56,425 And you love him and he loves you. 1602 01:29:56,459 --> 01:29:57,493 (BELL RINGING) 1603 01:29:57,526 --> 01:30:00,829 All right quiet! Roll them! Action! 1604 01:30:42,671 --> 01:30:44,473 No! No! Cut it! Cut it! 1605 01:30:44,507 --> 01:30:45,574 It's you again. 1606 01:30:45,608 --> 01:30:47,810 Yes, Malcolm Smith. I came with Mr. Bascom. 1607 01:30:47,843 --> 01:30:50,779 Get that man! Throw him out of the studio! 1608 01:30:51,113 --> 01:30:52,915 (MR. BASCOM BARKING) 1609 01:30:54,082 --> 01:30:55,484 MAN: There he goes. 1610 01:30:55,518 --> 01:30:57,786 Anita, are you all right? That boy, bring him back. 1611 01:30:57,820 --> 01:31:00,122 Bring him back here! And get his dog, too. 1612 01:31:00,155 --> 01:31:01,590 And his dog, too! 1613 01:31:01,624 --> 01:31:04,192 Oh, they won't get you, Mr. Bascom. Come on, boy. 1614 01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:12,635 (SCREAMING) 1615 01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:22,110 Start praying for a miracle. 1616 01:31:30,953 --> 01:31:32,020 (EXCLAIMING) 1617 01:31:42,097 --> 01:31:43,799 Steve, they're after Mr. Bascom. 1618 01:31:43,832 --> 01:31:45,534 Hello, Terry. Help me. 1619 01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:13,629 Malcolm. 1620 01:32:13,996 --> 01:32:15,163 Malcolm. 1621 01:32:19,968 --> 01:32:21,203 Malcolm. 1622 01:32:28,644 --> 01:32:30,579 Steve, we lost Malcolm. 1623 01:32:34,549 --> 01:32:35,951 Oh, he's gone. 1624 01:32:37,753 --> 01:32:38,987 Who isn't? 1625 01:32:39,755 --> 01:32:41,957 You're not mad at me, Miss Ekberg? 1626 01:32:41,990 --> 01:32:44,326 Only for giving me such an expensive gift. 1627 01:32:45,227 --> 01:32:46,795 You must take it back. 1628 01:32:46,829 --> 01:32:48,063 Oh. 1629 01:32:48,096 --> 01:32:50,198 Well, isn't there something I can give you? 1630 01:32:50,232 --> 01:32:51,834 Yes, there is. 1631 01:32:53,702 --> 01:32:54,770 What? 1632 01:32:55,337 --> 01:32:57,239 You may give me your dog. 1633 01:32:57,272 --> 01:32:59,107 Oh, I could never give you Mr. Bascom. 1634 01:32:59,141 --> 01:33:00,943 I couldn't give him away. 1635 01:33:00,976 --> 01:33:03,646 I don't want you to give him away. 1636 01:33:03,679 --> 01:33:06,148 I just want to borrow him for a while. 1637 01:33:06,181 --> 01:33:08,884 Oh. Mr. Bascom would like that. 1638 01:33:08,917 --> 01:33:10,753 Yeah, that's all right. 1639 01:33:27,269 --> 01:33:28,804 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 1640 01:33:28,837 --> 01:33:30,138 This is Wendell Niles greeting you 1641 01:33:30,172 --> 01:33:32,675 from Hollywood's most famous landmark, 1642 01:33:32,708 --> 01:33:35,678 Grauman's Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. 1643 01:33:36,344 --> 01:33:38,814 We're going to see a wonderful picture tonight. 1644 01:33:38,847 --> 01:33:40,783 But even more important than the picture, 1645 01:33:40,816 --> 01:33:43,686 is the story behind the scenes, 1646 01:33:43,719 --> 01:33:46,789 the story of a movie fan and his dog. 1647 01:33:46,822 --> 01:33:48,757 Here they come now. 1648 01:33:59,001 --> 01:34:01,904 May I have your autograph, please? 1649 01:34:01,937 --> 01:34:04,106 Oh, wonderful! Thank you. 1650 01:34:05,240 --> 01:34:08,711 CHORUS: * Sound the trumpets in Stardust Alley 1651 01:34:08,744 --> 01:34:11,947 * Happy ending and grand finale 1652 01:34:11,980 --> 01:34:14,717 * Love, to all men, as some day it must 1653 01:34:14,750 --> 01:34:18,653 * Will come to make life merry for Steve and Terry 1654 01:34:18,687 --> 01:34:21,890 * Malcolm sweeter on Anita 1655 01:34:21,924 --> 01:34:25,127 * Mr. Bascom? Just you ask him 1656 01:34:25,160 --> 01:34:26,394 (BARKING) 1657 01:34:26,995 --> 01:34:33,869 * Hollywood or bust! 1658 01:34:37,005 --> 01:34:43,278 * Hollywood or bust! 120515