All language subtitles for kevin can wait s02e20

There they are.
How'd the job go?

Well, we were
in a cold warehouse

guarding
fitness equipment.

How do you think
it went?Ah.

There were no chairs,
so we had to sit on buckets.

And mine broke.

Told you
to double it up.Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fellas, I was just
making small talk.

I don't really care.

Where's, uh...

Where's Vanessa?

She's at FedEx.

Oh, by the way,

she has a birthday
coming up this Saturday.

Oh, boy,
I almost forgot.

You didforget.

That's why I put
some ideas together.

All right,
check this out.

A cop comes in,
right?

Everyone looks around,
confused, scared.

And then, boom!

Out of the blue,

"Officer Goodbody"
tears off his uniform,

and he starts to dance,

making his butt cheeks
go like this.

[ Beatboxing ]

What else you got?

Uh, ice-cream cake
and a two-liter bottle of soda.

Done!

Uh, you know you gotta do
more than that, right?

Don't you remember when
we were on the force --

Vanessa made a huge deal
about her birthday?

Yeah. It's like,
"I get it, all right?

You were born.
Let it go."

Maybe we should
plan a party --

deck the whole
place out,

you know,
make it special.

Or we go
with Rootger's idea --

ice-cream cake and a bottle of
soda, and I'm gonna say this --

I don't even think we
need to the bottle of
soda, to be honest.

Hey!
Hey!Hey!
Hey!

Hi, guys.

Well, somebody's got
a birthday coming up.

What are
you gonna be?

Turning the old 47--
41? 41?

You're 41.
Yes.

But we're just gonna treat it
like any other day.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, you don't want a party
or a little gift --

a little
something-something?

Nope.
You're off the hook.

It's a trap, dawg.

Oh, I get what
you're doing here.

Okay, it's one
of those things where

you're saying
you don't want a party,

but, actually,
deep down inside,

you kind of do.
You get that, boys?

So, we're -- we're "not"
planning a party for Vanessa.

[ Chuckles ]

Listen to me now.

I don't want anything,
okay?

I just want to forget
that it's my birthday

and move on
with my life.

Don't read
into that.

That's it, okay?
You got it?

This is a trick, right?
You want a party.

No!

What just
happened here?

Okay, a "My Little Pony"
ice-cream cake

has just been ordered.

Rootger, she just said
she didn't want a party.

Oh, I'll cancel it,
then.

Yeah,
I-I wouldn't do that

because it's probably
a lot of red tape.

You have to go
through the thing.

Actually,
it's just one click.

I know, but it's
probably on the way,

and that wouldn't
be nice to --

No, it hasn't left yet.

But I'm sure
we paid for it, so...Nope.

Okay, why -- why
are you making me

go through this,
Rootger?

I want the cake.

♪ I am not your ordinary guy

H-How do you spell
"boom-shaka-laka"?

Oh, just like
it sounds.

I have no idea.
That's not even a real word!

Why?

It's for Vanessa's card.
Hey, check it out.

"Think you won't have
a great birthday?

You're off your rock-ah.
[rocker]

'Cause it's time to party
like boom-shaka-laka."

It's great, right?

No.

Please tell me that's not
all you got her.

No, no, I got her --
I got her this too.

A gift card to Chili's.

Yep.

That Chale gave you
for Christmas.

Yeah, it's called "re-gifting."

Everybody's doing it now.

Mr. Gable, you took us
to dinner with that.

We ate.
Yeah.

There's still $37.50
on it, okay?

And that goes a long way
at Chili's, all right?

Dad, no!

Vanessa is your
business partner.

And more importantly,
she's a really good friend.

You have to do better.

Believe me, I tried
to throw her a party.

She almost
bit my head off.

Ahh, maybe she's
a little bit sensitive

about getting older.

Ooh.
I didn't think of that.

You know what it is? I always
take this for granted --

how I keep it all
up to code.

Okay, anyway,
no matter how much

Vanessa says
she doesn't want a party,

trust me, she does.

True.

Women will often
use subtext

as a way of expressing
their feelings.

The key is to learn

how to tune into
their frequency.

My dial, for example,

is always set
to radio station K-endra.

[ Imitates radio tuning ]

[ Deepens voice ]
Where it's love all the time.

Time to change
the station, guy.

But you know what?
You're right.

I gotta do something.

I gotta figure it --

My God, let's do
a surprise party.

I'll throw one for her
at Monkey Fist.

Oh, yeah.

We could just decorate it
to the hilt.

Yeah! Ooh, and we can have --
and we can have --

Shamana! No, no,
you're not doing anything.

Okay, this is my baby,
all right?

I'll plan everything.

Dad, no.
Are you sure?

'Cause, you know,
you always say

details aren't
really your thing.

Why don't you
just make a list,

and Chale and I
can knock it off?

I got it all covered.

Okay, well, do you have
the phone numbers

for everyone
she'd like to invite?

Except for that.

Oh, boy.
Uh, you know what?

I'll just -- I'll just
grab her phone.

I'll take 'em from there.

Even easier -- I set up
the servers at Monkey Fist.

I can hack into her account
in a twinkling.

Uh, what?
No.

That is such an invasion of
privacy. You can't do that.

It is.
It really is, yeah.

Uh, no. You're right,
you're right. Sorry.

I just -- I lost my moral
compass for a second.

What is wrong
with you?

I -- I'll think
of something else.

-Yeah, okay.
-Sorry.

Sorry about that,
sweetheart.

You're a --
Start hacking.

♪♪

-Hey, Dad.
-Hey.

Hey, Mr. Gable.

What's going on
with the shirt?

Oh, all my stuff's
in the laundry.

I just borrowed
one of Kendra's.

Okay, well, I'm gonna need
a different shirt

or some acid
for my eyes.

Sorry, I'll -- I'll just go
and put on a dirty one.

Yeah.

Whoa.

All right,
Vanessa's party.

Um, here's what I'm thinking
food-wise.

Oh, okay.
All right.

Cheese pizza.
Uh-huh.

Crackers and cheese.

Yep.

Mozzarella balls.

And cheesecake
for dessert.

Okay, do you see
a pattern here?

Indeed.
Do you?

Everything
has cheese in it.

Yeah,
it's called a theme.

No, it's called
stuff youlike.

That's the theme.

♪♪

-Hey.
-Hey.

I, uh -- I got to talk
to Vanessa about something.

What's the mood
today?

Not great.

I said "Good morning,"
and she said, "Is it?"

And then
she went in there

and started typing --
like, uh, angry typing.

Probably
the birthday thing.

Well, she's a woman
of a certain age.

Her body is starting
to deteriorate.

You know, it's -- it's hard
to hide that with lipstick.

She tries, though.

You didn't say that before you
said "Good morning," did you?

In my head, I said it.

Okay, good, 'cause I'm
throwing her a surprise party

on Saturday,

and I -- I gotta
convince her

to go to dinner with me,
you know, as a -- as a cover.

Oof. What if she
doesn't go for it?

She has to -- I got
a massive deposit down

and decorations
and all that stuff.

I got a cake coming
with her fat face on it.

It's gonna be a fun time,
though.

Gonna be a lot of fun.

Okay, but I would wait
if I were you.

Like I say, she's not
very happy right now.

Oh, please.
I can handle it.

Hey, how's it going?

Good.
Busy.

Cool, cool.

Very cool.

[ Grunts ]
So, I was thinking,

uh, Saturday, maybe we hit
the new steak place

that opened up on 110.

Apparently, they got a ribeye
the size of your head.

[ Chuckles ]

Ha ha.
No.

Saturday is my birthday,
and I told you

I don't want
to do anything.

What?
It's just dinner.

Look, you gotta eat.

If not the steaks,
how about, uh, Chinese?

We'll go to Chin Wa's.

They got dumplings
the size of your fist.

Okay,
the answer is no.

Okay?
I'm sleeping all day.

My friend works
at a pet clinic,

and she's getting me
one of those pills

they give
to nervous puppies.

[ Southern accent ] Mama gonna
go down nice and smooth.

Look, I know
what's going on here.

Birthdays -- look, they get
less fun as you get older.

They just do.
Huh.

But we can't pretend
like they don't happen.

[ Normal voice ] Mm,
well, that's what I've
been trying to do,

but you won't shut up.

Look, my birthday
just reminds me

of all the stuff that
I didn't do in my life.

No house.
No kids.

I've always wanted
to go to Hawaii.

Walk over hot coals.

Sing a duet
with Prince.

It's probably
for the best.

I mean, those coals,
they're crazy hot.

And the Prince thing --
Well, you know.

Hey, the point is,
I am turning 47,

and I'm just...

not where I thought
I would be in my life.

I just don't see many
reasons to celebrate.What? [ Sighs ]

You think
you're the only one

who hasn't done things
that they w--

that they wanted to do?

I mean, I...
[ Scoffs ]

I got a crazy list.
But you know what I do?

I push forward, and that's
what I need you to do.

Okay, so what's
on your bucket list?

It's kind of private.

What? I just told you my stuff.
Tell me yours.

Fine. I always wanted
to see an eagle --

you know, in real life.

An eagle.

How about that?

Well, it can't be that hard
to see a bird.

What else you got?

I always wanted to go
to Statue of Liberty.What?

The Statue of Liberty --
the lady in the harbor.

I know
the lady in the harbor!

I know who
you're talking about.

I'm saying you live
on Long Island!

It's right there!

I've seen it
a bunch of times,

mostly from that karate studio
in Brooklyn.

Remember I was taking lessons
there for the longest time?

[ Sighs ]

Man, when I quit,
I quit out of nowhere,

and I was getting
in wicked-good shape.

I was almost able to do like
a split between two chairs.

Like Van Damme.

You ever see Van Damme
in the movies

where he does the splits
as he get down low?

Oh, these splits -- that's
another thing on my list.

Okay, well,
that's not gonna happen.

You can barely pick up
a pencil off the floor.

Okay.

What do you want?
I got a bad back, okay?

But for the rest of me,
I'm like a boneless chicken.

I'm very supple.
Very supple.
Okay.

You know what I want?
To be out of this conversation.

So if going to dinner with you
will shut you up, great!

Let's do dinner
Saturday.

Fine. I love it.
All right.

Uh, y-you want
to do, uh, head steaks

or the, uh,
fist dumplings?

Doesn't matter,
hun.

Pick one.

Fist dumplings.

Nope, not even close.
Head steaks.

You know what?

Forget dinner.

I'm gonna throw myself
a party.

What's that, now?

Yeah, I mean,
you were right.

What am I thinking about?

I mean,
my life is pretty great.

And I should throw myself
a birthday bash.

I never said "great."

I mean, you're -- you're
bumping along,

doing fine.

No! Come on, like,
I've never done it.

Like, you know, I'm gonna
invite all my friends,

rent out a space.

I'll get a signature drink --
a "Cellucci Sunrise."

I love that!
Oh, my God.

And then
I'll get a limo --

Uh, you know,
I-I think it's a bad idea.

First of all,
limos are very dangerous

'cause --
You know why?

The mechanics who work on 'em,
they don't own 'em,

so they don't --
they don't care.

Oh, shut up.
Well, this is gonna be great.

I'm gonna start
planning it.

You know what?
Thank you, Kevin.

You're right.

That went straight
in the crapper.

Let me see if
I got this right --

Vanessa's on her way,
and she's gonna invite us

to a beach party,
but we're supposed to say no?

Yeah. I already called
all her contacts.

They're doing the same thing,
all right?

They're all coming
to my surprise party

that I'm throwing
at Monkey Fist.

But the one at the beach
sounds better.

Okay.

There is no party
at the beach, Mott.

I'm squashing it, all right?
Mine's gonna be awesome.

Besides,
I got Rootger deejaying.

You're a deejay?

Yeah.
Here, I'm Rootger.

But in Holland,
I'm MC Root --

the man who makes
the party...

[ Imitates
record scratching ]

...a wicked-good
time.

Wouldn't it
just be easier

to let Vanessa plan
her own party?

Then you'd be
off the hook.

No. I put in a lot of work
for this, all right?

I-I bought all the food.

I got the decorations
and stuff.

I did all this stuff
out of the kindness of my heart.

I'm getting credit for it.
That's what I'm doing.

I need you guys to just come up
with an excuse, all right?

That's all I'm asking.

Oh, I'm not good
at lying.

I start sweating
like crazy.

Okay, you sweat like crazy
anyway.

You're gonna be fine.
She's not gonna know.

You know, Vanessa tried calling
me three times today, and...

[ Scoffs ] Man, just to see
her face on that screen

and me having to ignore
the call -- tough.

You have a picture of her
on your phone?

Yeah, I took
a quick shot of her

when she dozed off
on Thanksgiving.

All right,
here she comes.

Hey!
Hey!Hey!
Hey!

How's it going?
All right?

Left your phone
at the office.

Oh, thank you.
Hey --You're welcome.

How's the party
planning going?

Oh, my -- Awful.

What?!

Yes, everybody I invited
can't come.

That is
so disappointing.

I-I mean,
I gotta tell you,

we'll -- we'll be there,
right, boys?

Um, actually,
I can't make it.

Didi and I have
a wedding to attend.

-Whaaat?
-I know.

I, uh --
I can't go, either.

[ Quietly ] Oh, God,
it's so hot in here.

Rootger,
what about you?

I'm so sorry.
I can't.

I have to go back
to the doctor.

That thing on my toe
came back.

[ Scoffs ]

What?

You guys
are unbelievable.

Yeah, really!

I mean, it's like,
every time you need me,

I'm there.

Everytime.

And then,

when it's my birthday,
my party...

Yeah....everybody's busy.

Exactly.
You sicken me.

You sicken-a me
to the height of sickenness.

Just unbelievable.

Don't even worry about them.
I'll be there.

Yeah,
not cool, guys.

I'll be there for you, too,
Vanessa.

-Yeah.
-No, no.

Thank you,
but forg--

I'm just gonna
cancel the party.

We'll just go back to
the dinner thing, all right?

I-I guess that's
probably best now.

All right,
I'll see you guys later.

-All right.
-All right.

Geez.

All right,
good job, boys.

You made us look
like idiots.

Not cool, guy.

What, are you sure
you want to do this to her?

Once we all
yell "Surprise,"

all the pain goes away,
all right?

It's exactly like
I did with my kids.

I'd make them think
I forgot their birthday.

And then once they saw
the balloons

and the prizes and stuff,
all good times.

Except that one time
I did actually forget Jack's.

And that was tough.

Technically,
he never turned eight.

Never turned eight.

♪♪

Hey.
Here you go, buddy.

Take that for me.
How it's going, Rootger?

You know the routine?
You got it down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vanessa comes in.

House lights go up.
Then we all yell "Surprise!"

I hit the music, and then
I hit the light show.

Okay.

Light show?

[ Chuckling ] Oh!

Ha-ha!
Light show, baby!

Whoo!All right, all right,
all right, all right, all right.

Turn it off,
Deejay Lite-Brite.

Ah, way to suck out
the fun.

Come on!
Hi, Dad.

Uh, so, guests are gonna
start arriving any minute.

Maybe you should
go pick up Vanessa.

No, it's -- it's okay.
I got Kyle getting her.

I wanted to make sure
everything was in order

over here.Wait, what?

No, I thought you were
taking her to dinner

and then bringing her here
yourself.

It's okay. I told Kyle to tell
her that my car broke down.

Oh, crafty lie,
Mr. Gable.

Using your brother
as a little misdirection.

Mm, exactly.

No, Dad.

What if she gets
really upset,

and she's gonna think
that you ditched her,

and then,
if she just goes home,

this entire thing
is ruined.

Okay, relax,
all right?

The guy's
messed up a lot,

but even Kyle
can handle this.

♪♪

So, first, nobody wanted
to come to my party,

and now your brother --
the only friend I have left --

stands me up.

[ Scoffs ]

You know,
I think I'm just --

I'm just gonna go home.

I'm gonna just go.No, no.

No, he --
h-he'll be here.

-Okay --
-Trust me.

He's over an hour
late.

Obviously, it's not
that important to him.

It is.
It is.

It isn't!
I mean, it really --

It just stings
when you realize,

like, you really are
alone in the world.

Yeah, I know.
I know.

[ Chuckles ]
I-I feel the same way.

All the time.

See, Kyle,
you do get it.

All right, well,
then here's to life

sucking
a bowl of lemons.

Ah, salud!
Salud.

Mm.
[ Smacks lips ]

You know, I always thought
I was better than you,

and...the truth is,
I'm -- I'm really not.

But -- But you are
better than me.A little bit.

A little bit,
but not a ton.

Not a ton
that I thought.

But you are here celebrating
my birthday with me,

so thank you.

You're welcome.

You know, if you --
if you turn your head

slightly
towards the light

and the light hits you
just right --

and it has to hit you
justright...

you're actually
kind of cute.

What's, uh...

W-What's -- What's
going on here?

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Is that Kevin?

I don't know
who that is.

Look, I don't -- I don't
know where this is going,

but if we do kiss,
full transparency,

I have a wicked
nose whistle.

Kiss?
We're not gonna kiss.

And it's not because
of a nose whistle.

Is it my bulgy eyes?
'Cause I'll have them fixed.

No! Stop it!
It's not your eyes.

[ Sighs ]
Well, what is it, then?

I-I want to get back
to that moment.

Tell me.
I'll do anything.

Kyle,
it wasn't anything.

What are you doing?Oh, not now, guy.

We're in the middle of something
here, huh? Take a lap.

No, we are not in the middle
of anything!

Ugh!
Unbelievable.

Look, uh, come on.
We -- We got to go.

The alarm went off
at Money Fist,

and I want to make sure
everything's --

Oh, really? Okay.Okay. Yes.

You and Rootger handle it, okay?
I'm just gonna go home.

No, I need you.You need me?

I just want
this day to end.

It's been one of the worst
days of my life.

So, I-I didn't forget
your birthday, okay?

I sent Kyle in here
to keep you busy

so you wouldn't
ruin the surprise.

Surprise?

[ Sighing ] Yes.

Look, I've been planning
this thing for a week.

I wanted to do something special
for your birthday, that's all.

Wait. So, you had
my friends cancel on me?

I did.

Okay, do you know how
devastating that could've been?

All right, what do --
[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry.

I-I-I just
wanted to do...

something special
for your birthday.

That's all.

Oh, wow, you really
threw me a party?

Yes! And -- And
everybody's waiting.

So, come on,
let's go!

I got it.
Is it my teeth?

Because if it is, don't worry.
They're not even mine.

These babies
pop right out.

You know, it's like
a one-piece bridge.

Click-click, gone.

Looks like Rootger forgot
to leave the lights on.

Yeah.

Together: Surprise!

What?!

I am so surprised!

This is me
so surprised!

Uh, take it -- take it
down a notch.

Little less ham
on that sandwich, okay?

Well, thank you,
everybody!

Hi!

Oh, this is so sweet.

Thank you.Ah.

It's what
partners do.

-Aww!
-All right?

All right.[ Chuckles ]

Ah!

For you!Oh, you're so sweet.

-Hey!
-Hey!

A Cellucci Sunrise
for the birthday girl!

Oh, you remembered.
Thank you so much.

Oh, my gosh.

[ Slurps ]

I'll take
another one.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Already?

I got seven kids and a giant
husband with sleep apnea.

Every night, he straps that mask
on his big, fat face,

giant cheeks falling
out the sides,

snoring and vibrating.

Bottom line --
This glass never gets empty.

Well, I guess I can cross
Hawaii off my bucket list!

Well, there's actually
something else

you can cross off.

Antonio Banderas
is here?

Yeah, no.
I wish.
Oh.

Okay, Rootger,
hit it.

Oh.
What's going on?

[ Slow-tempo music playing ]

♪ Mm, never meant
to cause you any sorrow ♪

♪ Mm, never meant
to cause you any pain ♪

♪ I only want to see you dancing
in that purple rain ♪

Together:
♪ Purple rain

♪ Purple rain

♪♪

♪ Purple rain

♪ Purple rain

♪ I only want to see you
laughing in the purple rain ♪

♪ Purple --
♪ Come on,
come on, come on ♪

♪ At the monkey fist

[ Mouthing "Oh, wow.
Okay" ]

♪ Vanessa's birthday

♪ Well, Kevin Gable
pulled it off ♪

♪ She's 47

♪ 41

♪ Sorry about
that part ♪

♪ Mm-hmm

♪♪

Whoo!

[ Claps ]

Whew.

Powerful.

[ Pensive music playing ]

[ Exhales ]

[ Straining ] Bucket list
almost complete.

[ Eagle chirps ]

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

Bucket list complete.

Hoo-ahh.

♪♪

♪ Don't want no sweet perfume

♪ Shake your thing,
go bust your move ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do

♪ Do, do, do, do

♪ Ohhhhhh, yeah

♪ Don't want
no high-heel shoes ♪

♪ I just don't want no...