All language subtitles for Lisa Mikitarian - Spent

♪ Love can't go wrong

♪ With a girl like this

♪ Like Cupid's arrow

♪ This love just can't miss

♪ Your love it makes me

♪ Feel like a million dollars

♪ You make feel like

♪ A full bright scholar

♪ Love can't go wrong

♪ With a girl like this

♪ My ship's come in

♪ Love is on the list

♪ Red flags they may wave

♪ Gale winds I may brave

♪ But love can't go wrong

♪ With a girl like this

♪ Your love it makes me feel

♪ Like a million dollars

♪ You make me feel
like I'm Ginger Rogers

♪ Love can't go wrong

♪ With a girl like this

♪ My ship's come in

♪ Love is on the list

♪ Red flags they may wave

♪ Gale winds I may brave

♪ But love can't go wrong

♪ With a girl like this

- Gregory, really
you flatter me so.

Let's just see what
Gregory thinks of this.

Oh, I think Gregory
is gonna like this.

Yes, I do.

Evelyn,

darling you are divine.

- I'm sorry to be quitting on
you like this, Mr. Carmichael.

I really should've
given you notice,

but life is changing.

- No two week notice, no pay.

You know you kids
are something else.

Everybody wants to
chase their dreams

while I'm stuck in this place.

- It's not going to be the
same without you here, Lon.

You'll come back to see
a movie or something.

This isn't the last time
I'll see you, right?

- I was hoping to
say goodbye to you.

Of course not.

I mean the new Annie move's
coming out soon, right?

- You know it is.

You won't forget me will you?

- I can never forget that.

That face it's quite a nice face

quite the structure.

Here.

- Go get yourself a sweater

'cause your uncle keeps
this place way too cold.

- I'm not taking money from you.

- It's not from me
it's from my dad.

Think of it as a gift,

and there will be
a lot more soon.

- I don't want you
money or your pity, Lon.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

- Please.

- No.

- Fine then be stubborn.

- Spending your daddy's money.

Is that his wallet too.

- The Schumacher's are
moving up in this world

Mr. Carmichael just you watch.

- Not as long as
your daddy's alive.

He was as tightfisted
as they come.

Every family has its miser.

- Well, he's pretty
close to death right now,

Mr. Carmichael.

- Oh,

I didn't know.

I thought those
were just rumors.

Well, don't I feel like a heel.

Give him my best.

- I gotta get out
of here, Sarah.

I'll be back on...

When do we get the new Annie?

- Lonnie, you can't let
my uncle get to you.

That's just who he is.

- Nah, it's fine.

Besides I'll see you later.

- Promise me you will.

I mean I'll miss you.

- Shelby, what are you doing?

- What does it look
like I'm doing?

- Well, I mean why
aren't you in the shade

or under an umbrella
or something?

This looks miserable.

Shelby, this is warm.

- Yeah, I know.

- Actually it's not even warm.

It's hot.

- That's what happens

when you don't have
a portable fridge.

- Well, what about a
cooler filled with ice?

- I don't have one
of those either.

- So buy one.

- What do you think I'm
selling root beer for.

- For a cooler?

Okay, now I've heard everything.

Here take this.

It's from my dad.

- From your dad?

Now I've heard everything,
but I couldn't.

- Take it.

- Since it seems so
important to you.

- My
goodness, Mr. Frieze.

Gregory, you scared me.

- Forgive me.

But it was you who startled me.

Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn,

I dreamt about you last night

in those early morning hours.

I didn't expect
you here so soon.

Of course I had hoped.

- Oh, last night

Last night, Gregory

did you mean all of those
things that you said to me?

Tell me that you did.

Tell me that I wasn't dreaming.

- Darling.

- I had to come and touch you

and feel you and
just prove to myself

that you are real.

That we are real.

That last night
meant as much to you

as it did to me.

Oh, it's as if I'm alive.

It's not just because I...

It's not just because we...

No, no it's not that.

Gregory, I want to know
everything about you

if you wear socks to bed

on cold winter nights,

if you prefer fiction
or nonfiction,

if you are Earl
Grey man.

- Darling.

- What's wrong?

- I'm not in the habit of
seducing married women.

- I know.

No of course not.

- I made an exception
with you, Evelyn

and not just because
of your generosity.

And those golf clubs
are a terrific.

No, no, I made the exception
because of your husband

and his condition.

Everything on track
with that, right?

- Gregory, you asked
me this last night,

and I told you everything
was on track then

and everything is on track now.

His death is imminent.

I'm surprised I haven't
gotten a phone call

with the news by now.

- I'm sorry to badger
you truly I am.

You've been such a
long suffering woman

a saint really a beautiful

- Wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

There's something.

I have something I
want to give you.

How about that?

In case you want to surprise me

with flowers.

Tulips are lovely.

Or chocolate.

I prefer dark.

- But your son?

- Lonnie.

He sleeps like the dead,

and besides it's only until
you and I can make more

permanent arrangements.

- Oh, my.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

I am looking for a shawl.

How long till you close?

- We close in eight minutes.

- Here let me help
you with that.

What are you doing
out here, Shelby?

- Well, I was selling root beer.

- This is certainly
the day for it.

- Which is why I thought

I would have more
than one customer.

- Take this.

Then you can say you had
two customers for the day.

- Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

- Let's not get
all sappy about it.

Consider it a gift
from my husband

for your entrepreneurial
endeavors.

How's your grandmother, Shelby?

I heard she was ill.

- She is.

- I'm sorry.

Will you give her my best?

- I will.

- Mrs.
Schumacher, your flag.

- Oh, you keep it, Shelby.

♪ Well, baby what I couldn't do

♪ With plenty of money and you

♪ It's the root of all evil

♪ Of strife and upheaval

♪ But I'm certain honey

♪ That life would be sunny

♪ With plenty of money and you

- So I guess that means
you still love it.

- It's brilliant.

- But let me guess you're
waiting another week.

- Hell no today is the day.

- Good.

I've had the contract
drawn up for a month now.

- And I have the signature.

My father should've been a
doctor for how legible it is.

- Even better let's get
this thing finalized.

By the way I've got a surprise

for you waiting in the office.

- Do you now.

- How many hours have
you put in helping others

and volunteering
in the community

not to mention raising a son?

No, no, no that is no excuse.

No excuse.

It is not fair making a
wife beg for every penny.

Making her live on
rummage sale leftovers

and giving her a budget
that a cloister nun

couldn't live on much
less a wife and a mother.

Didn't I tell you
not to marry him?

- You did, and

and you were right.

He's stingy there's
no doubt about it.

But he was thoughtful when
we first started dating.

Do you remember that time

when he came to my door step

with fresh red roses?

- And you hate red roses.

And he swiped those from
the Garcia's garden.

- He didn't know.

- And he still doesn't know.

Evelyn, he doesn't know a
thing about who you are.

- Well, he should know
we've been married

for two and a half decades.

- What did he hijack for
your last anniversary?

- Roses.

- Look sweetie I
don't blame you.

It's not your fault.

I blame your mother.

You know her neighbor
that bank teller woman

that couldn't keep a secret

if it was pinned to the
under side of her bra.

Well, if she hadn't
told your mother

about his growing bank account,

your mother would've
slammed the door on him

and those damn roses.

- Well, it's almost over now.

The doctor gave him a day,

I mean hours really.

The next 25 years

should certainly make
up for the last 25.

Don't say anything
yet, but I think that

Gregory is gonna
ask me to marry him.

Listen, Trudy

I have got to stop
procrastinating.

I'm on my way over to the
hospital to say goodbye to him.

- Well, be sure to tell him
that I said good riddance.

- A city slicker came
in yesterday offered
to pay me cash.

- Not that you would've
sold it to him.

- Oh, make no mistake, Lonnie

I am available to
the highest bidder.

- Margot, in a couple of days

I'm gonna be out bidding
every one of them.

- And as of now you still
have all my affections.

Are you ready for your surprise?

- Here, now

in broad daylight?

- It's a print, Lonnie

a print.

- No.

You didn't.

- Oh, I did.

Lonnie Schumacher,
may I present you with

an original and signed
Patrick Van Spencer

commemorating one of the
greatest musicals of all time.

- I've never seen
anything like this.

It's breathtaking.

The minimalism is innovating,

inspiring, and
thought provoking.

- Well, the artist
is clearly a genius.

- Clearly.

But what musical was it from?

- What kind of dolt are you?

Grease.

- Oh, right, Grease.

Margot, I don't
know what to say.

I owe you so much.

- Yes, you certainly do,

and I'm getting
tired of waiting.

♪ Who knows

♪ It's only just out of reach

♪ Down the block on
the beach under a tree

♪ I got a feeling
there's a miracle due

♪ Gonna come true coming to me

♪ Could it be, yes, it could

♪ Something's coming
something good

- Well, you're looking
rather refreshed, mother.

- Thank you.

You're looking
particularly vibrant too.

Looks like it was
good for both of us to

get out of here
for a little while.

- What are you wearing?

- Milan something or
other I don't know.

I saw it in a magazine.

- How much did it cost?

- Oh, no, nothing yet.

It's sort of like cloying,

like gardenias in
a funeral home.

Let's not order any gardenias
when the time comes.

- Good point.

We'll, get something cheaper

or just skip flowers
all together.

It's the way dad
would've wanted it.

- You're not going to believe

what I'm about to tell you.

- Go ahead you can tell us

because we prepared
for this moment.

- But that's what I'm
trying to tell you.

His tumor was
growing at a rate of

over a centimeter a week.

This week that rate
had even increased.

By my calculations today,

tomorrow at the very latest.

Well, as you know there
was no way to operate on it

not where that
monster was located.

- We know, we know.

- And that's why we're
so darn prepared.

- I don't think anybody
could be prepared for this.

- Trust us we're
exceptional people.

- He's dead already
isn't it, Dr. Rogers?

You can tell us.

- Quite the contrary,
Mrs. Schumacher.

Your husband is going to
live, Mrs. Schumacher.

A few hours ago he
went into a brief

yet violent spasm so
I ordered another MRI.

We didn't know what we'd find,

but never guessed
at what we did find.

That tumor has all
but disappeared.

I've never seen
anything like this.

The man is a walking,
talking miracle.

You'd think it was Christmas.

- A miracle.

- A miracle.

I myself have never
seen one before.

Though I did hear about a
case at Pine Hill Medical

where a woman who had been
paralyzed was walking.

- We get it.

He's a miracle,

a walking, talking
4th of July miracle.

Whoo-hoo.

We get it.

It's wonderful.

When do we have to see him?

- If it isn't my
two favorite people.

Evelyn, you're looking
as well groomed as usual,

and, Lonnie, you're
looking as scruffy as usual

you little rascal
you.

I know what it is they
don't know the news.

- Well, you better fill them in.

- Lose that frown.

Evelyn, throw glumness out
the window, sweet cakes.

I am a walking, talking,

4th of July miracle.

I'm gonna live for a
whole lot of years.

Oh, it is my lucky
day.

- The last nurse
did not indicate

the color of your
urine this afternoon.

Is it currently
running clear or yellow

on a scale of one to five?

- Well, let's see.

It's clearer than
molasses in the fall,

but it's not quite
as clear as the air

on a morning in the spring.

- Dad, are you on drugs?

- Just
the drug of life,

limb, and pursuit of happiness.

- Okay, on a
scale from one to five?

- Oh, two.

- This is

so great.

- I know it's hard
to believe, mom

but just think all of our
prayers have been answered.

- You guys have
been praying for me?

Hey, thank you Lord
for taking the time

out of your busy day to
answer my family's prayers.

- Last bowel movement?

- On a
scale to one to five

10.

- The time of the event?

- An hour ago.

- Very good.

Very good.

It's been interesting,
Mr. Schumacher

very interesting indeed.

I wish you the best of luck.

- Of course we've
been praying, Herby.

We've practically
worn the floor out

with our pacing and our praying.

Never ever expecting
this day to come.

You have to forgive me if
I seem a little stunned.

It's just that

It's just that

well with the disappearance
of the brain tumor

we've just never seen you
this exuberant before.

- Well, you know if you've been

as close to the river sticks

and that money grubby
ferry man as I've been,

you can really see the
wonder of this world.

Evelyn, I'm a changed man.

I am overjoyed to be alive.

- You certainly
don't seem like the

man that I left last night.

- You know,

when you guys came
in here I lied.

You don't look great.

You look like hell.

It must have been
hard on you guys.

Me being away so long, and

you thinking this
was the last day.

You know what I
wasn't gonna do this,

but let's celebrate.

Let's go all out.

- You mean at like a restaurant?

- Yeah, where else I
mean not gonna be any

cooking for my sweetheart
tonight no sire.

- Where do you wanna go?

- The nurse gave me
a coupon for 40% off

at the Chinese restaurant

that's just a few
miles from our house.

It is our lucky day.

Isn't this grand all this food,

all this time we're
spending together?

If you noticed,

I splurged on a second
box of kung pao chicken.

- We were supposed
to go out, Herbert

to an air conditioned
restaurant.

- Out?

When we can be here

in the comfort of our own home

with all of this.

And don't think I didn't notice

that you all had
the air on either.

But it's back to normal now.

That hospital was frigid.

I can't imagine what their
electric bill comes to.

Just about got a
sinus infection.

It's a good thing I
got better when I did.

- What would we ever
do without you dad.

- Evelyn.

- Of course it's
Evelyn who else would it be?

How many women have
you phone number?

- Three, but two
are related to me.

- Sorry, Gregory.

I'm not even making any sense.

It's because

something has gone
terribly wrong.

The hospital waiting
room doctor came in,

and then 40% off Chinese food

and hospital slippers.

- Evelyn, stop.

You're really not
making any sense.

- I'm sorry, Gregory.

It's just because there's
no sense to be made.

No sense at all.

- Just

Just meet me at the
usual place in an hour.

I promise everything
will work out okay.

Okay?

- Okay.

Okay.

I'll meet you there.

- Please, please, please,
please, please pick up.

Why aren't you picking up?

Why aren't you
picking up, Margot?

Please pick up,
please, please, please.

You picked up.

- Yes,
unfortunately I did.

What do you need?

- It's over.

All of our dreams
are over, Margot.

- What do you mean?

- Hey, we
have enough leftovers

for dinner tomorrow night.

It's our lucky day.

- Can't talk here.

We have to meet and
for heavens sake

let's make sure
it's someplace cool.

- You are not getting
in my bed, Lonnie.

Stop asking.

- Cut it out this is important.

- Alright fine.

We'll meet.

Meet me where you first met me.

You remember where
that is don't you?

- Of course.

- Good then I'll see you there

in how ever long it
takes me to get ready.

- Order up.

- I took the liberty
of ordering you a beer,

but it looks like you could
use a tranquilizer dart.

What's so terribly wrong?

- This is serious, Margot,
and it effects you too.

- Nobody could've foreseen this.

- What?

What is it?

- But it's the reality
we'll have to deal with.

- What is it?

- The doctor called it
a 4th of July miracle.

But really it's a--

- Disaster for my independence.

- Would you please just tell
me what is going on here?

- Herb isn't dead nor
will he be anytime soon.

- My dad's brain tumor
disappeared faster

than a BMW on the auto bond.

There go my plans.

There go my dreams.

I was gonna open up something

I don't know a
business or something.

I didn't get two minutes
to think about it.

- He'll out live
me I know he will.

There never will be any white
sand wedge between my toes

or warm turquoise waters
caressing my shoulders.

Living with him was
hard enough before,

but now after having
tasted of you, Gregory,

of love

- I said
order up 10 times.

How many more times do
I gotta say order up?

- Reign your
in, Joe.

I've only got two hands.

- I just can't go
back to that life.

He doesn't love me not really

not like he loves his money.

- Get yourself together woman.

There must be some mistake.

That tumor was the size
of a Granny Smith apple.

Something like that
can't just disappear.

- On the contrary
apparently it can.

- Evelyn,

we've come too far.

- We've got dreams yet
to dream you and me.

- Which is why this
little miracle--

- Is going to be
turned into a tragedy.

- Hey, Josepe you might wanna
put out some more poison

if you wanna get
rid of the big rat.

- Hey, don't Josepe
me or I'll Josepe you.

I'll take care of
it after we close.

- Better put out one of
them industrial boxes.

- I gotta go, Gregory

before Herb gets suspicious.

Buying day old bread
can only take so long.

- Margot, I'm too tired to think
about this anymore tonight.

- Evelyn, you
heard the waitress.

We have a rat

and that rat needs to go.

You know what you have to do.

Call me when it's over.

- You've got to keep your
head in the game, Lonnie.

You heard the waitress.

Rat poison there's no other way.

- I don't know.

- Go on home, Lonnie.

Get your beauty sleep.

- Rat poison you buy
it at the drugstore.

It's the only way you
and I can have a future.

- Phlopsey's.

- It was my mother's shop.

God rest her soul.

- So she just gave it to you?

- But why talk about her.

I want to talk about this
beautiful swan like neck

and how it cries
out for diamonds

to encircle its
elegant circumference.

- Well, I wanna talk
about these shoulders,

these arms, these hands.

They should be gripped around
a leather stirring wheel

with cruise control that
tilts in every direction.

- After you.

- I did not know that
water came in that color.

Trip like that probably
cost a fortune.

Okay.

Two points.

She must have won you at bingo.

- Herb.

Herbert,

where are you?

Herbert.

- Hi, when did you get home?

- Why didn't you answer me?

Go back in there
get ready for bed.

Herbert, I can explain.

- There's no need
to explain, darling.

You were just simply
checking our assets

making sure that
everything was right.

I'm glad you were able
to get along so well

when you were alone.

- Well, I have had Lonnie.

- Hey, did you catch
the Cubs last night?

Whoo-hoo.

- You know he's
not as incompetent

as you make him out to be.

- Well, he's certainly not
a chip off of this old block

if only he were.

- You two have more
in common than you know.

And he is plenty capable.

- Sure, he's 23 years old.

He still lives at
home because what?

They won't pay him
what he's really worth

at the movie theater.

That's no reason to
question his competence.

- Don't be cheeky.

- Me cheeky.

- Yes, you.

You know you should've
encouraged him more

when it came to
going to college.

- I did encourage him.

- You tried to strong arm him

into being a Phoenix graduate

so you could save a buck.

- It's a legitimate school.

- Not for a musical
theater major.

Okay, look what
we've done for him?

Zip, zero.

We named the poor boy Lonnie

after your grandfather
for Pete's sake.

He deserved more from us

if only to make up for that.

- What we should've named him

after one of your crazy
Hungarian relatives.

- How many times do
I have to tell you

they're not Hungarian.
- Besides

he's already accomplished
half of his life's goals.

He works in the movie
theater, doesn't he?

- You are impossible, Herbert.

You are never gonna change.

You could've done so
much good with your money

for your family,
for the community.

I should've earned my own money.

- For what?

We have plenty.

We're walking in tall clover.

- But you choose
to hide it all away

for some imagery golden years.

- Our golden years and
they are not imagery.

They're right there at
the front door right now.

You know just a
half an hour of ago

I was thinking of taking
you to a beautiful beach.

- Oh, sure like you
were gonna take me

to a restaurant tonight.

You are impossible.

I need some air.

You have been a miser
your entire life, Herbert.

I see that now.

And it is because of you

and your backwards
way of thinking

that we are stuck
living in the dark ages.

Well, no more.

- You've been good to me, Lord

really saved my skin this time.

And I suppose I should say
thank you so thank you.

And another thing, Lord

be with me today as I go
through our family finances.

Also let there be
no surprises today

nothing that would
poison our fireworks

or celebrations for
me or my family.

Amen.

Lonnie.

Evelyn.

Evelyn.

Evelyn.

Is everything okay down there?

- Everything's just fine dear.

- It's Margot from the
restaurant last night.

I believe you mentioned
the exquisiteness

of my neck if I
remember correctly.

- Of course.

Margot, Margot, Margot

I dreamt of you

and those explosive green
eyes of yours last night.

- Really.

- Would I lie?

- I don't know would you?

- No, but I guess you'll
have to take my word for it.

- Well, I don't know about that.

Gregory,

I couldn't help but notice

that we had a second
meeting last night.

- Not the most
romantic spot in the world.

- And I wondered if
you might be there

for the same reason I was.

- And what reason is that?

- Insurance.

- Not the most romantic
word in the American Lexicon

but certainly interesting.

- That's what I
thought last night

as I replayed the
whole scene in my head

as I lay alone in my
great big four poster.

- The
words are becoming

more romantic by the second.

- But you still haven't
answered my question.

- Which was?

- Why were you
standing in aisle three

of the drugstore last night?

- Was that shampoo
and hair color?

- I'm hanging up in three.

- Don't bristle I was just
having a little fun with you.

I was there for insurance too.

A man has to protect
his investment.

- Is that all she is to you?

- What?

- An investment.

- Does it really matter to you

or are you just having
fun with me now?

- It matters.

It's silly I know.

And I'm not prone to silliness.

But it matters.

- Years from now when
we're sailing our yacht

through the azure waters
of the Mediterranean

we'll reminisce
how it all began.

- And I have the perfect name.

- For what?

- Our yacht.

- Oh.

- Aisle three.

- Oh.

- Oh, articulate and hansom.

- So I'll see you
this afternoon.

- Maybe you
will maybe you won't.

- Well, I'm picking
out a tie right now.

- You should.

- You know maybe today
I won't wear a tie.

- Oh, very brave.

- Nobody treats me better
than you, dear.

Think I'll look at the bills
first take a walk later.

- No, you can't.

- What she means to
say is that the doctor

the doctor told you to
go on a walk every day

hot sunshine or rain.

And well look at this
temperate morning we have.

- And your
circulatory system has

been ignored for far
too long, Herbert.

- I suppose you're right.

Heaven knows I
don't wanna end up

back in the hospital again.

- Don't forget these.

- Thank you.

- What's that?

- Just a little
snack for your father.

- But I packed him one too.

♪ Who'd a fed the richest cat

♪ The golden macaroni

- Enjoy.

- I will.

- He really wasn't that
terrible of a father.

I mean everybody has
their flaws, right?

- His flaws are
killing us, Lonnie

squeezing us.

Rationing the air that
we breathe until I'm left

gulping at what little remains.

I just can't take

not anymore.

If he doesn't die, I will.

- Mom.

- I'm serious, Lonnie.

So save your sentimentality.

You can eulogize him
till your heart's content

in a few days.

As for now I need some help
getting into that bank account

make it seem a little less
suspicious when he goes.

Lonnie.

What do you think you're doing?

Lonnie.

Come back here.

Lonnie.

Lonnie.

Lonnie.

Lonnie.

- Here ducky, ducky, ducky.

I know you're gonna
like what I've got here.

But it is mostly
pure fat and sugar

and too much sugar
could kill you

at least that's what Nurse
Pruitt used to tell me

when I'd ask for a

- Herb, is that you?
- Second brownie.

Marty,.

Marty, hey it's
good to see you man.

It's been a long time.

See you my friend
you are looking good.

- Me.

Look at you.

The last I heard

you know things
weren't going well.

- Well, you know they
tell me I'm the equivalent

of a Christmas miracle just
six months early or late.

- So was it the
whole brain thing?

- Yes, but good as new.

- You know,

my sciatica's been acting up.

- Oh, is that right.

- Yeah, I'm thinking about
taking early retirement.

- Oh, well, it
worked out for me.

Although I didn't
really have a choice.

When the plants merged
some of us had to go.

But fortunately I had
just enough savings

that we could make it.

- Savings what's that?

You know those women work
against us all the time.

They need, need, need.

Underwear, socks, shoes,

sandals, high
heels, flats, boots.

- Are you gonna help me
correct this password or what?

- He keeps it taped
under the desk.

- What?

- He keeps his passwords taped

on a sheet of paper
under the desk.

It's also got our
social security numbers,

shoe sizes, birthday
cake preferences.

- You have got to be kidding me.

How long have you been
keeping this little secret?

- Since I was like four.

I didn't know it was a secret.

It's where I used to play

so I could be close to him.

- Well, why didn't you tell me?

Do you know how
much time I have put

into trying to
find this password?

- Can't read minds, mom.

You've kept me out of this room

since the day dad was
put in the hospital.

How was I supposed to know
what you were doing in here?

- I swear if you hadn't
been bared straight

from my loins I'd
have a maternity test.

Look at this.

- How many hours of over time

have we put in for those women

for our families
and what do we get?

We get a tie on Father's Day,

and sandals for our birthday,

and a statue for Christmas.

Whoopee.

- My favorite color
is not chartreuse.

- Evita is not one of
my favorite musicales.

He can't keep stuff
like that straight.

Look at this one Chinese zodiac.

I was not born in
the year of the rat.

You were.

- I thought I was a snake.

- Whatever what does
any of it matter.

- You know there
sure is a lot of

useless junk for
sale in the world.

- There sure is.

- What gets me is that
some general manager

somewhere in some
factory decided

that this piece of crap was
worthy of manufacturing.

Somebody thought that
this was a good idea.

- And somebody like
my wife or your wife

put down some hard earned
cash and what does it do?

It just collects dust.

- Goodness checking
account is low.

- How low?

- Not sure but it seems like

overdraft covered some charges.

- I didn't know
we had overdraft.

- The bank gave it to your
father without charging him.

Probably knew he'd never use it.

- Well, why did it kick in now?

I don't know.

I'm gonna transfer a
$1,000 from savings.

If your father had seen this,

I don't wanna think about that.

- Maybe we should
let him see it.

Maybe then we wouldn't have to

poison him.
- Lonnie.

- What
don't yell at me.

- Oh, my
god, oh, my god.

- Myra's turned me into
a slave for our stuff.

Women.

- Maybe your wife
but not my Evelyn.

She is as prudent as they come.

She runs a tight ship.

She doesn't go in for all
that frilly nonsense either.

Nah, no not my Evelyn.

- My god.
- What.

What, what is it mom?

Mom, what is it?
- Oh, my god.

- 2842.

- What do you mean 2842?

- $28.42

that is what is left
in the savings account.

- Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

There must be some mistake.

We had half a million
dollars in this account.

- Oh, my god, oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

- I can't open our closet

without one of Myra's
needs falling out.

When I ask her
about it she says,

"Oh, that old thing.

"I've had it for ages."

- You know I did discover
something strange the other day.

The closet you say?

- Dad is gonna kill you.

- Me.

I didn't spend that
money Mr. Sports Car.

- I didn't have
access to that account

Ms. Diamond Earrings.

- Pearl.

And those accounts are linked
that's what overdraft is.

- No, it still doesn't
make any sense.

I only put a down
payment on that car.

There is no way
that we went through

half a million dollars
in three months.

- It always starts
in the closet.

You'll find bags
and wrapping paper

and price tags that have
been hastily ripped off

and shoved into unusual places.

Check your shoes.

- My...

I will.

- He's gonna eat those donuts
and cookies for nothing.

There's no money left.

- But there's nothing
that we can do about it.

He's probably eaten
every last morsal by now.

You know what an
appetite your father has.

Thank you.
- So it's over?

- It's over

except I've got a
phone call to make.

- I think I do too.

- Was that Lonnie?

- Who else.

- I'll give you three guesses

as to who was just calling me.

- Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn.

- You're a million.

- We both will be soon enough.

What crisis do you suppose
those two are having now?

- Oh, Gregory, Herbert
has just insufferable.

I can't figure out
the rat poison.

It's just not cooperating.

- Margot, oh Margot

give me the world
wrapped in a big red bow.

I'll be taking a nap.

- They're weak.

- They talk a big game,

but when it comes
right down to it

- They're not gonna go
through it with are they?

- Of course not.

- How much money
is at stake here?

- Well, from what Lonnie's
told me an easy couple million.

- I knew it.

Evelyn was cagey about
the exact number,

but we can't let this
slip through our fingers.

- No.

- I think it's clear.

We've gotta take care
of our own pest problem.

- We do.

- Go big

or go home.

- To insurance.

- Insurance.

- Margot.

Margot, open up.

Margot.

Margot, open up it's important.

- Gregory.

- You're sure Herbert's
favorite pizza is

pineapple, sausage,
and feta cheese?

- That's what Lonnie said.

He'd pick one up every
half price Tuesday

to take to his father
in the hospital.

- They're not here.

- Well, what do we do now?

- Not to worry.

- You know
red looks good on you.

- Well, it is the color of love.

You know I don't use
the word love often.

Do you know how
beautiful you are?

- I am.

- You don't need
to wear this wig.

- What I don't...

What wig how did you?

- Here will you hold this?

- Yes.

Yes, I will.

Just hold on please

I have very delicate
hands you know.

- You startled me.

I'm getting into the spirit.

Can I help you folks?

- We're so sorry.

We didn't mean to startle
you, Mr. Schumacher.

- It is Mr. Schumacher correct?

Because that is the name
that we randomly drew

for a 4th of July
deluxe pizza pie.

- This is my lucky week.

In lieu of a tip I'm
gonna go upstairs

right now and give you
guys a glowing Yelp review.

- Don't let that pizza get cold.

- I wouldn't think of it.

- Mr. Schumacher, you
enjoy Italian sausage,

pineapple, and extra feta
on your pizza, right?

- Ma'am, I never met a
free pizza I did not like.

- Good.

- Thanks a lot bye, bye.

Pizza, whoo-hoo.

- Dad.

Dad.

Dad, don't eat those cookies.

- It's too late.

- The police have
probably already

taken his body to the morgue.

- Can they trace rat poison?

- What the heck?

- I'm exhausted.

- Yep,

me too.

- Well, if it isn't my two most

favorite people in the world.

Evelyn, you're not
looking as well groomed

as ever this evening my dear.

Lonnie, same goes for you.

Okay, you two listen.

Have a seat, sit
down, take a load off.

The fireworks are
about to begin.

- Italian sausage,

feta, and pineapple my favorite.

I'm famished.

This feta is amazing.

- I thought Italian
sausage, feta,

and pineapple was
dad's favorite.

- Huh, no, no.

I thought it was yours.

I prefer mushrooms
and onions myself

but that is beside the point.

- In local
news residents enjoying a

4th of July afternoon stroll

came upon a bizarre
sight at O'Reilly Park.

At least two-dozen
squirrels lay dead

on the west end of the park.

The CSI official who was
called into the scene

said he never seen
anything like it.

- They were
laid out like in two

concentric circles surrounding
the garbage receptacle.

It was like some
miniature toppled Stone
Hinge or something.

- However
that's not the only strange

element in this incident.

All the squirrels were
reported to have remnant

of jelly donuts
and cookies hanging

from the sides of their mouths.

As a result both
squirrels and sweets

have been taken to the
Piedmont Lab for testing.

- I'm gonna need a
little Alka-Seltzer
here before too long.

Son, have some pizza.

I'm sorry I could not
wait till you got home.

- Are those new pajamas Herby?

They're very nice.

- They're scrubs, Evelyn.

Scrubs.

The nurse acquired them for me.

- That's my pop.

Always saving a penny.

- That's more than
I could say for you

and you.

- What on Earth are
you talking about?

- This is what I'm talking
about your outrageous spending

when I was in the hospital dying
from a massive brain tumor.

It took me a long
time to figure out

all of those expenditures
but I got them.

- I only spent money on

basic household needs.

- Basic
household needs, huh.

- Okay, well, maybe
one or two extras

but that is no
reason to get upset.

I couldn't help myself, Herbert.

I was just feeling
so distraught.

The thought of you
being in the hospital

and just dying a little
more each day was

- Really.

Did the diamond earrings help?

And how about the sports car?

- Pearl.

And the sports car was him.

- Oh, and how about the

professional teeth
whitening kit?

- Her.

- And a time share

in Detroit?

- It seemed like a good
investment at the time.

Hey, at least I didn't join
the stamp of the month club.

- Okay, I'll admit it
I'm into philately.

But listen, Herb, we
are not responsible

for the loss of
all of that money.

Sure we spent a little
here and a little there,

but there is no way
that we burned through

a half a million
dollars in three months.

- Dad.

- No, no, no, no stop it.

Haven't you done enough already?

Harmonica lessons,
skeet shooting,

hair waxing

Irish linen boxers,

polarized sunglasses,

golf clubs.

Who in the hell

plays golf in this family?

Lifetime theater tickets
to the Kennedy Center.

- Dad, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'll sell everything.

I'll sell all of it.

- We bought all that?

I had no idea I spent that much.

I truly did think it was
just a little bit here

and a little bit there.

My goodness.

Who knew money
could go that fast?

- I worked for
that money, Evelyn

I did without, I gave up things.

And now, now look at us.

We are a joke,

a very bad joke.

Evelyn,

last night you
called me a miser.

And I'm beginning to
think that you were right.

All my life I was saving
for one thing or the other.

First, it was marriage.

But did I give you the
honeymoon you wanted?

- Herb, I had a perfectly
great tan in Death Valley,

and that was the cleanest
Motel 6 we've ever stayed in.

- And then it was for a baby.

But there too I made you cut
every single possible corner.

Like making you buy those
second-hand cloth diapers.

- What a great
conversation starter

that turned out to
be at the laundromat.

- I should've bought
you a washing machine
and clothes line.

- Don't give it another thought.

I mean Lonnie and I
have very fond memories

of looking for quarters
and dimes in the sofa.

- And now it looks like our
golden years are gone too.

If only some good

could've come from my money.

Something meaningful, you know.

Son, don't let that
pizza go to waste.

Son, go get your father
a cool wash cloth

and some ginger tea.

♪ Party's over

♪ It's time to call it a day

♪ They've burst
your pretty balloon

♪ And taken the moon away

I do hope the good
Lord can forgive me.

- Speaking of forgiving

Herbert, there's something
I have to tell you.

I had

I had an illicit,

immoral,

passionate affair

but only once.

- How
much did that cost?

- Everything.

- Ice cold root beer
on such a beautiful day

now that's what
I'm talking about.

Hey, listen I heard
about your grandmother.

I just wanted to let
you know that I'm sorry.

Real sorry.

- It's okay.

She got one last 4th of July.

She said it would
feel like a miracle

if she could see the
fireworks one more time

with her cataracts
and all and she did.

- Hey, is your sister working?

Don't you go anywhere.

I'm gonna be right
back for one of these.

- Here you go.

- Well, wonders never cease.

- Come on, Sarah.

- Oh, don't you
come on Sarah me.

You said you'd come back to
see Annie and it came and went.

to bad reviews I might
add and no Lonnie.

- That's not fair we
both had a lot going on.

- I know.

I was really sorry to hear
about your mother and father.

Do they know what happened?

They said there was a
rash of it going on.

Look what happened to
those poor squirrels.

It's all so mysterious.

- They say it was some
sort of food poisoning

likely the feta
cheese in the pizza.

If only my father hadn't
been such a big eater

or my mother hadn't
liked Italian sausage,

feta, and pineapple so much.

It was her favorite.

I was very sorry to hear
about your grandmother.

- It's okay.

She's in a better place.

- That's for sure.

Speaking of being in a place.

I'm in a pretty bad one myself.

I really need a job.

I've looked everywhere.

I don't suppose your uncle

would give me back my old job?

I wouldn't be asking
if I wasn't desperate.

- Yeah, that job's
gonna, Lonnie.

But I hear the
manager's job is open?

- Are are you serious.

Did your uncle retire?

- Not exactly.

He quit.

- Why?

- My grandmother left the
theater to the three of us

as long as we didn't sell it.

She loved the theater.

I guess my uncle
worked all those years

waiting for us to
sell it and cash in.

- Whoa, what do you know.

Today must be my
lucky day.

Can you forgive me, Sarah?

- I don't know I'll
have to think about it.

- Please.

- I don't know.

♪ Daisy, Daisy

♪ Give me your answer do

♪ I'm half crazy

♪ Falling in love with you

- Oh, fine, how can
I stay mad at you.

Hold on I have
something for you.

I found these on Ebay.

- It is my lucky day.

- Well, what do you know.

Lonnie, this place could
use some musical theater

don't you think?

I mean we have that huge
stage in theater one.

Maybe we could start a workshop

on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

♪ It won't be a stylish marriage

♪ I can't afford a carriage

♪ But you'll look
sweet upon the seat

♪ Of a bicycle built for two

- Stop it, Patricia.

We don't have the money.

- But you promised.

I haven't seen my sister
in almost 4 years.

- I wasn't counting
on us needing a new roof.

- It's
always something

when I wanna go somewhere.

- Patricia, please.

- I think you
plan it that way on purpose.

- You're
acting like a child.

We'll save for it again.

- And then the
car will need a new engine.

No, wait that was last year.

Just be honest, Robert.

There will never be enough money

to do the things I
wanna do just say it.

- Patricia,
that's just not so.

- But, hey,
about that blond woman.

The paper says that
she got Phlopsey's

when the owner high
tailed it to Tijuana.

She sold his ties kept
the hats and jewelry

and is apparently donating
the building to the homeless.