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Previously on "Brockmire".
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00:00:01,712 --> 00:00:03,800
Raj is the kinda guy people
want to have a beer with.
3
00:00:03,825 --> 00:00:06,280
You are a loaded gun, that
could go off at any time.
4
00:00:06,305 --> 00:00:07,846
What are you doing here, asshole.
5
00:00:07,878 --> 00:00:09,280
- Whoa-whoa.
- Jim!
6
00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:12,645
Everyone prefers Raj to
you, across all demos.
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00:00:12,691 --> 00:00:15,381
So, elderly Korean ladies,
they... they prefer Raj?
8
00:00:15,408 --> 00:00:16,694
Nearly 2-to-1.
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00:00:16,765 --> 00:00:20,062
And this come-back might
be over before it's begun.
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00:00:22,050 --> 00:00:26,048
Uh, the truth is, my father
was a very flawed parent
11
00:00:26,157 --> 00:00:28,438
and a very flawed husband.
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00:00:28,548 --> 00:00:31,349
Heck, he was very flawed man.
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But that did not stop him
14
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from trying his level best at all three.
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[CHUCKLES]
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[SIGHS]
17
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You were a complicated man, sir.
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00:00:45,057 --> 00:00:49,206
But you very lived hard
and in that passion for life.
19
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Well, therein lies the lesson
20
00:00:51,757 --> 00:00:55,157
for those of us that...
That you left behind.
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- [INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Wow.
22
00:00:57,936 --> 00:00:59,463
First I was like, "Where is he going"
23
00:00:59,488 --> 00:01:00,587
"with this George Brett story?"
24
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But you really tied it
together really nicely.
25
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Yeah. It's what I call an LBA...
A Load-Bearing Anecdote.
26
00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:07,464
I thought you hated your father.
27
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Oh, I do. I did.
28
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He treated me and my sister
like we were an old dirty napkin
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that you'd use to pick up
a piece of dog shit
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by the side of the road.
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But you know, he's gone,
so time to move on.
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This is more emotional maturity
than I'd expect from you.
33
00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:23,705
I'm in a pretty good place, Charles.
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I mean, not in terms of
my career or my love life
35
00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:29,058
or the frequency of my bowel movements.
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But I've made peace with my past.
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You know, seeing Lucy last year,
that taught me
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that your past can only
hurt you if you let it.
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This eulogy, this is, uh...
It's my opportunity
40
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to show my family just exactly
how much I have matured.
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[INHALES]
42
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We have a game in two hours.
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Shit. Well, better perk up then, huh?
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[INHALES]
45
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Hey, you know, if the funeral
is on Monday,
46
00:01:51,157 --> 00:01:54,358
you're gonna have to miss a game.
47
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And Raj is gonna have to replace you.
48
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[SCOFFS] Really? Well, what can I say?
49
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Some things are just a little bit
more important than baseball.
50
00:02:02,894 --> 00:02:05,296
- I'm... proud of you.
- [SWALLOWS]
51
00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:09,465
Is that a binder full of eulogies?
52
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Oh, yes, Charles. Part of my job
as a seasoned orator
53
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is to be able to speak
eloquently about the dead
54
00:02:14,454 --> 00:02:16,119
on a moment's notice.
55
00:02:16,315 --> 00:02:17,710
You have one written about me?
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Mm. [SWALLOWS] Yes, I do.
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♪ ♪
58
00:02:29,962 --> 00:02:32,796
[SWALLOWS, SIGHS]
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This is beautiful.
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♪ ♪
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Why don't you say any of this
to my face?
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Well, for the dead,
I have poetry, Charles.
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For the living, my sincerest apologies.
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♪ ♪
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Well, thank you for the ride
from the airport, my friend.
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So, how much do you make?
67
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:02,173
How much do I make?
68
00:03:02,326 --> 00:03:04,784
I'm doing all right lately. Why?
69
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,316
So, $1,000 is, like, nothing to you?
70
00:03:07,465 --> 00:03:09,531
Do you need $1,000? Is that it?
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I wouldn't turn it down.
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00:03:11,209 --> 00:03:12,435
You know, son, I'm not sure
73
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,310
this is the way you're
supposed to treat family.
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00:03:14,386 --> 00:03:16,186
You don't have to give it to me...
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if you know my first name.
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Ah, shit, you told it to me,
too, didn't ya?
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Goddamn it.
78
00:03:23,696 --> 00:03:25,262
What is your first name, anyway?
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00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:28,491
It's Jim. I'm named after you.
80
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Good God.
81
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,681
Here, there's... That's $1,100.
82
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,938
Why don't we just call it even?
83
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Hello?
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Is that my brother?
85
00:03:47,679 --> 00:03:49,646
Yeah.
86
00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:53,176
Hey, Jean.
87
00:03:54,453 --> 00:03:56,513
What the hell are you doing here?
88
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,961
Well, you know, great to see you, too.
89
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:01,198
I told you Dad died out of respect.
90
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,164
I didn't think you'd actually
have the balls
91
00:04:03,189 --> 00:04:05,622
- to come into this house.
- Don't get upset, all right?
92
00:04:05,647 --> 00:04:07,313
I'm not here to make a scene,
I promise.
93
00:04:07,338 --> 00:04:09,744
I let go of my anger at Dad
a long time ago.
94
00:04:09,769 --> 00:04:12,890
I... You know, I-I've put
the past behind me, Jean.
95
00:04:12,915 --> 00:04:14,765
Yeah? Well, I haven't.
96
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,906
Your meltdown made me a laughingstock,
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00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:19,398
brought shame to the Brockmire name.
98
00:04:19,591 --> 00:04:21,992
I'm sorry I brought shame
to House Brockmire, Jean.
99
00:04:22,016 --> 00:04:24,016
Boy, I didn't realize
we were in Winterfell here.
100
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:27,130
I'm just glad my sons
have my husband's name.
101
00:04:27,737 --> 00:04:29,780
Isn't Norm's last name Glasscock?
102
00:04:30,974 --> 00:04:32,327
Yeah.
103
00:04:32,854 --> 00:04:35,176
My grandson Harry has a scar
104
00:04:35,201 --> 00:04:37,618
where a bully
threw a glass dildo at his head.
105
00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:38,787
Do you know how hard it is
106
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,779
to find a glass dildo in the Ozarks?
107
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,245
The kid's full name is Harry Glasscock?
108
00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:45,046
Yeah. And still,
109
00:04:45,071 --> 00:04:48,005
his life is still better than
if it were Harry Brockmire.
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00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:51,967
My only comfort is the Brockmire
name dies with you.
111
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Boy.
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00:04:53,638 --> 00:04:55,538
For a funeral,
this is getting pretty dark.
113
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No one asked you to come.
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00:04:57,283 --> 00:04:59,883
I have a right to be...
He's my father, too, okay?
115
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,841
And I seem to remember,
back in the day, you people
116
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,527
were all over me
when you wanted something,
117
00:05:03,552 --> 00:05:06,619
like, uh, Royals tickets or bail money
118
00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:08,672
or Dan Quisenberry-autographed cleats.
119
00:05:08,697 --> 00:05:10,469
But as soon as my life
went into the toilet,
120
00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:12,229
y'all were nowhere to be found, huh?
121
00:05:12,317 --> 00:05:13,584
You know, believe it or not,
I was going through
122
00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:14,939
- quite a lot back then.
- Oh.
123
00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:17,044
Could've used... Yeah, could've
used a little bit of support.
124
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:19,262
- You were going through a lot?
- Yeah!
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00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,317
Norm has had prostate cancer twice.
126
00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:25,118
My daughter abandoned
my grandson on the doorstep.
127
00:05:25,143 --> 00:05:27,204
And when Dad he got sick,
he moved in here.
128
00:05:27,265 --> 00:05:29,456
If you think he was an asshole
when he was living,
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00:05:29,481 --> 00:05:32,014
he really kicked it up a notch
when he was dying.
130
00:05:32,145 --> 00:05:35,846
Plus... I'm a homosexual.
131
00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:38,490
Holy shit, Jean.
132
00:05:38,584 --> 00:05:40,945
I mean, I-I knew you were gay,
I just...
133
00:05:41,085 --> 00:05:42,582
I didn't know that you knew.
134
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:45,211
Of course I knew.
What was I gonna do about it?
135
00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:48,351
After a botched epidural
on my third kid,
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00:05:48,393 --> 00:05:51,126
I lost all feeling in my vagina.
137
00:05:51,228 --> 00:05:54,256
Plus, I'm a middle-aged woman
living in the Ozarks.
138
00:05:54,393 --> 00:05:56,259
Well, fair enough.
139
00:05:56,347 --> 00:05:58,948
Looks like life dealt us both
a pretty bad poker hand,
140
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,299
and, uh, it turns out
we were playing UNO, huh?
141
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:03,756
The difference is
I don't whine about it.
142
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:05,068
You know, of course life sucks.
143
00:06:05,093 --> 00:06:06,797
You just gotta put one
foot in front of the other
144
00:06:06,838 --> 00:06:09,385
and carry your burdens on
your back until they crush you.
145
00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:11,694
You don't get on a microphone
and cry about it
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00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,318
like a little bitch.
147
00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:15,231
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Norm?
148
00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:17,127
Will you get that?
149
00:06:19,725 --> 00:06:20,956
Hey.
150
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,113
Jim?
151
00:06:22,138 --> 00:06:23,287
Hey, Norm.
152
00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,964
[LAUGHS]
153
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,379
Why, I see, uh, he's still
quite the chatty Cathy, huh?
154
00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:32,515
Unlike some people, Norm doesn't talk
155
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:34,231
unless he has something to say.
156
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:36,833
He's a great man. He is my rock.
157
00:06:36,975 --> 00:06:38,467
Norm, hon?
158
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:42,966
I love you...
like the brother I never had.
159
00:06:43,973 --> 00:06:45,843
Okay, I can see that this weekend's
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00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:48,418
turning into a series
of body blows to ol' Jim.
161
00:06:48,466 --> 00:06:51,800
So, uh, I'm gonna need biblical
amounts of booze, Jean.
162
00:06:52,031 --> 00:06:53,116
Not particular.
163
00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:55,776
Any of your grain-based
alcohols will do very nicely.
164
00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:59,659
Um, scotch, whiskey,
rye, bourbon, whatever.
165
00:07:00,530 --> 00:07:01,979
Vodka?
166
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,146
How 'bout gin?
I mean, it's primarily a berry.
167
00:07:04,195 --> 00:07:06,329
This is a dry house.
168
00:07:06,454 --> 00:07:08,134
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- What?
169
00:07:08,171 --> 00:07:09,470
Mm-hmm.
170
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,869
Jean, matching drink for drink...
171
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:13,579
That's the only way we can
tolerate each other's company.
172
00:07:13,772 --> 00:07:16,172
I've been sober for 10 years.
173
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,414
Holy shit.
174
00:07:18,801 --> 00:07:21,224
I mean, my favorite thing about you
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00:07:21,249 --> 00:07:24,117
is that you're a mildly amusing drunk.
176
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,009
Hey, these are for the invited guests.
177
00:07:27,139 --> 00:07:28,671
Just stay out of the way
178
00:07:28,707 --> 00:07:30,673
and try not to make an ass
out of yourself.
179
00:07:30,896 --> 00:07:32,896
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
180
00:07:33,631 --> 00:07:35,899
Thank you, baby, for coming.
Thank you so much.
181
00:07:35,968 --> 00:07:37,300
[SIGHS]
182
00:07:38,823 --> 00:07:40,229
[CLICKS TONGUE]
183
00:07:41,578 --> 00:07:43,445
Hey, folks.
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00:07:44,122 --> 00:07:48,424
♪ ♪
185
00:07:48,540 --> 00:07:51,640
Come on, Dad, talk to me. Talk to me.
186
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:53,943
Come on.
187
00:07:54,832 --> 00:07:55,919
[GROANS]
188
00:07:55,988 --> 00:07:57,436
[GRUNTS]
189
00:07:59,042 --> 00:08:00,776
Come on.
190
00:08:01,786 --> 00:08:03,434
Oh, yes!
191
00:08:03,495 --> 00:08:06,573
I knew you had a stash here
somewhere. Ha!
192
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:10,105
Oh, rum? Really? Goddamn it.
193
00:08:10,169 --> 00:08:13,238
Still drinking sugar alcohol
like a child.
194
00:08:13,505 --> 00:08:15,162
Oh!
195
00:08:15,473 --> 00:08:17,706
♪ ♪
196
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,682
Oh, God. [SPITS]
197
00:08:20,846 --> 00:08:23,529
- [DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE]
- Mm!
198
00:08:23,595 --> 00:08:27,397
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
- ♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪
199
00:08:27,753 --> 00:08:31,488
♪ Take me out with the crowd ♪
200
00:08:31,513 --> 00:08:32,931
- ♪ Buy me some... ♪
- Hey, Jim. How's it going?
201
00:08:32,955 --> 00:08:34,063
It's not good, Charles.
202
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:35,644
I made a tremendous mistake
coming here.
203
00:08:35,669 --> 00:08:37,653
My entire family hates my guts.
204
00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:40,303
Please tell me that Raj
is doin' terribly.
205
00:08:40,392 --> 00:08:41,670
Hey, just the ladies!
206
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:42,918
- Just the ladies!
- ♪ Buy me some peanuts ♪
207
00:08:42,942 --> 00:08:44,929
- Fellas, stop being so selfish.
- ♪ and Cracker Jacks ♪
208
00:08:44,996 --> 00:08:47,997
♪ I don't care if I never get back ♪
209
00:08:48,118 --> 00:08:49,218
Yeah, no. They're definitely
210
00:08:49,243 --> 00:08:50,406
- not sparking to him.
- ♪ Root, root, root for the... ♪
211
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:52,496
Oh, thank God something good
happened today.
212
00:08:52,545 --> 00:08:54,845
Charles, I'm already down $1,100,
213
00:08:54,874 --> 00:08:56,650
and there's nothing here
to drink but rum.
214
00:08:56,728 --> 00:08:59,055
This literally could not get any worse.
215
00:09:00,442 --> 00:09:02,972
Okay, it just got significantly
worse, Charles.
216
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:05,409
Lucy just got here! Lucy is here!
217
00:09:05,665 --> 00:09:07,162
Holy shit!
218
00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:09,318
- Holy shit.
- ♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪
219
00:09:09,523 --> 00:09:11,489
Okay, you can do this.
220
00:09:11,697 --> 00:09:13,374
- ♪ Take me out with the crowd ♪
- Remember what you said...
221
00:09:13,398 --> 00:09:14,930
The past can only hurt you
if you let it.
222
00:09:15,074 --> 00:09:16,907
[EXHALES DEEPLY] Okay.
223
00:09:17,274 --> 00:09:19,107
All right, thank you, Charles.
That helped a lot.
224
00:09:19,132 --> 00:09:22,007
Uh, I love you, Charles.
225
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,373
♪ If theyon't win, it's a shame ♪
226
00:09:25,403 --> 00:09:27,164
Really? You're gonna leave me hanging?
227
00:09:27,253 --> 00:09:29,225
- ♪ Three strikes you're out ♪
- You're more
228
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,075
- ♪ at the old ball game ♪
- than just a boss to me.
229
00:09:31,357 --> 00:09:33,757
I'll take it, but you
done me dirty, Charles.
230
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:37,194
RAJ: All right, here we go.
Three, two, one!
231
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:39,054
[FUNERAL MUSIC PLAYS]
232
00:09:39,256 --> 00:09:42,323
Uh [CHUCKLES] what the hell
are you doing here?
233
00:09:42,627 --> 00:09:44,484
I have a Google alert on my phone
234
00:09:44,509 --> 00:09:46,743
for the phrase "Jim Brockmire dead."
235
00:09:46,899 --> 00:09:49,033
My God. Charles has one of those, too.
236
00:09:49,087 --> 00:09:51,687
When I found it was your father,
I still wanted to come.
237
00:09:51,838 --> 00:09:54,194
I remember how difficult
your relationship was.
238
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,549
Here's the thing, Lucy.
239
00:09:55,574 --> 00:09:57,342
These people are already treating me
240
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:58,997
like I'm some kind of a child molester.
241
00:09:59,022 --> 00:10:01,712
Now, you being here, huh,
is only gonna make that worse.
242
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:03,389
It doesn't matter what they think.
243
00:10:03,449 --> 00:10:05,129
Jim, I wanted to be here for you.
244
00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:07,701
Okay, well, be here for me here,
all right?
245
00:10:07,726 --> 00:10:11,928
And I'm gonna be... I'll be in there.
246
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:14,484
Jim Brockmire!
247
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,192
Yeah. Hey, friend, how are you doin'?
248
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:18,732
Are you one of Dad's cousins?
249
00:10:18,757 --> 00:10:20,043
Oh, no. Never met the man.
250
00:10:20,068 --> 00:10:22,306
Just wanted to take a picture
with the freakshow.
251
00:10:22,639 --> 00:10:24,338
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
252
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:27,307
Great. Nice to meet you.
253
00:10:28,478 --> 00:10:30,390
Harlot want a cracker?
254
00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,243
No, thank you.
255
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,192
I can give it to you in a to-go bag.
256
00:10:36,951 --> 00:10:39,285
[FUNERAL MUSIC PLAYS]
257
00:10:39,374 --> 00:10:45,078
♪ ♪
258
00:10:45,263 --> 00:10:47,550
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
259
00:10:47,662 --> 00:10:50,231
Folks are, uh, being pretty hard
on you, huh?
260
00:10:50,804 --> 00:10:52,899
People here don't get my way of life.
261
00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:55,500
Hey, you didn't fly
all the way back here
262
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,467
- just for this, did you?
- Well, yeah.
263
00:10:57,546 --> 00:10:59,379
Why, Lucy [CHUCKLES] I don't know
264
00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:01,204
that I would've done
the same thing for you.
265
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,934
You didn't. Mom died six years ago.
266
00:11:04,005 --> 00:11:05,629
Dad, five.
267
00:11:05,714 --> 00:11:09,416
I'm so sorry. God,
I always liked your folks, too.
268
00:11:10,761 --> 00:11:14,882
Hey, did my public rant
and, uh, meltdown about you...
269
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:17,074
Was that very upsetting for them?
270
00:11:17,392 --> 00:11:19,392
It was tough for a while.
271
00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:24,330
I'm sorry about that, too.
Boy, I never meant to hurt them.
272
00:11:25,013 --> 00:11:26,288
Just you.
273
00:11:26,355 --> 00:11:27,986
I know.
274
00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:30,410
You know, it got better
before they were gone.
275
00:11:30,519 --> 00:11:33,987
They finally learned
to accept me as I am.
276
00:11:34,196 --> 00:11:35,739
Well, I guess in a way,
277
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:38,098
I kind of brought y'all
closer together, then, huh?
278
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,134
No, Jim. That's insane.
279
00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:42,219
You are not the hero of this story.
280
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,610
My parents are.
281
00:11:43,692 --> 00:11:47,088
Well... it's good to see you, Lucy.
282
00:11:48,221 --> 00:11:51,091
That sounded strange the second
it came out of my mouth.
283
00:11:53,114 --> 00:11:54,661
How can I help you through this?
284
00:11:54,737 --> 00:11:56,269
I'm... I'm fine, really.
285
00:11:56,294 --> 00:11:58,922
I'm just here to give my father
a decent eulogy, you know,
286
00:11:58,947 --> 00:12:00,755
just let everybody know
that I accept him
287
00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:02,616
for who he was, warts and all.
288
00:12:02,683 --> 00:12:05,552
Jim, that's really beautiful.
289
00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:08,601
It's so great to know that,
even after everything he did,
290
00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:11,494
today will be all about forgiveness.
291
00:12:11,673 --> 00:12:14,406
JEAN: All right, let's get
this asshole in the ground!
292
00:12:14,844 --> 00:12:16,450
- Come on.
- [CHUCKLES]
293
00:12:16,537 --> 00:12:18,670
[RAIN FALLING, FUNERAL MUSIC PLAYS]
294
00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:20,855
[SIGHS]
295
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:25,324
♪ ♪
296
00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:27,005
Oh, boy.
297
00:12:27,269 --> 00:12:29,335
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
298
00:12:30,099 --> 00:12:32,866
So many feelings, Goddamn it.
299
00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:36,649
♪ ♪
300
00:12:36,939 --> 00:12:38,639
Daddy.
301
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:41,140
♪ ♪
302
00:12:41,256 --> 00:12:42,840
What are you doing?
303
00:12:42,974 --> 00:12:44,707
I'm just saying goodbye, Jean.
304
00:12:44,747 --> 00:12:46,442
That's not him.
305
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,089
I-I know that his soul
no longer, you know,
306
00:12:50,114 --> 00:12:51,847
technically inhabits his body, but...
307
00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,605
No, that's not him.
308
00:12:53,864 --> 00:12:56,073
Dad's in the casket over there.
309
00:12:56,265 --> 00:12:59,282
What? Who the hell is this?
310
00:12:59,307 --> 00:13:01,047
- I have no idea.
- Ugh!! Got...
311
00:13:01,107 --> 00:13:02,768
Got dead-guy makeup in my mouth!
312
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:05,432
Jesus Christ! God!
313
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:07,430
Ugh!
314
00:13:08,473 --> 00:13:09,999
Is that him?
315
00:13:10,507 --> 00:13:14,269
W-Why the hell is he so bloated?
What, did he die in a river?
316
00:13:14,305 --> 00:13:18,474
No. This is what happens when
you drink yourself to death.
317
00:13:18,543 --> 00:13:20,676
All right, message received.
318
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,811
Stay away from rum.
319
00:13:22,847 --> 00:13:24,279
My God.
320
00:13:24,315 --> 00:13:26,548
Okay, it's time.
321
00:13:26,584 --> 00:13:29,886
Well, um, are you gonna
speak first, or, uh, should I?
322
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:32,287
No. No one but the preacher
is speaking.
323
00:13:33,129 --> 00:13:34,156
What do you mean?
324
00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:37,226
I mean, we're having the funeral
because that's what you do.
325
00:13:37,361 --> 00:13:40,037
Don't make this more than it is.
326
00:13:40,365 --> 00:13:42,097
Jean, what do you mean,
"more than it is"?
327
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:43,566
No, I worked hard on this eulogy.
328
00:13:43,635 --> 00:13:45,840
I got a tight 25 minutes here.
329
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:49,286
I mean, I guess if I lose the
George Brett fishing anecdote,
330
00:13:49,311 --> 00:13:51,417
I could drop maybe three minutes.
331
00:13:51,442 --> 00:13:53,555
But, uh, no, that sets up
all of act three.
332
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,313
No, I take it back.
I cannot cut anything.
333
00:13:55,344 --> 00:13:57,049
In fact, with laughter
and applause, you know,
334
00:13:57,146 --> 00:13:59,095
it's probably gonna balloon up
to about 30 minutes.
335
00:13:59,134 --> 00:14:01,191
You haven't changed at all.
I knew you'd end up
336
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,363
trying to make today about yourself.
337
00:14:02,387 --> 00:14:04,027
Just keep your mouth shut.
338
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,451
Let's get this over with.
339
00:14:05,487 --> 00:14:07,317
With any luck,
we can make it to Fuddruckers
340
00:14:07,342 --> 00:14:09,556
- before the lunch special ends.
- Wait, Jean.
341
00:14:09,691 --> 00:14:11,625
Why won't you let me
just honor our father?
342
00:14:11,693 --> 00:14:13,275
Because he doesn't deserve it!
343
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,599
You wanna say something about Dad,
344
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:16,990
maybe you should see what
he said about you first.
345
00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:18,273
What do you mean?
346
00:14:19,112 --> 00:14:21,519
This is Dad's goodbye letter to you.
347
00:14:21,581 --> 00:14:24,014
I wasn't gonna deliver it
because I wanted to protect you.
348
00:14:24,039 --> 00:14:26,599
Mine was horrible,
and I was his favorite.
349
00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:29,176
But if you still want to "honor"
him after you've read this,
350
00:14:29,311 --> 00:14:31,173
knock yourself out.
351
00:14:31,749 --> 00:14:33,613
"Dear Fuck Face.
352
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,935
I never thought I could hate
a child, until I met you."
353
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,918
It gets worse from there.
354
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,054
Oh!
355
00:14:41,991 --> 00:14:43,690
Oh!
356
00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:49,814
We will all miss Jim Brockmire, Sr....
357
00:14:50,397 --> 00:14:54,400
Husband, father, employee,
358
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,937
a man observed by all around him.
359
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:00,874
Born many years ago...
360
00:15:01,022 --> 00:15:03,777
I'm sure it's not that bad.
Let me see it.
361
00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:08,081
Oh, my God.
362
00:15:08,364 --> 00:15:12,619
I can't even believe... It's so toxic!
363
00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:16,084
Well, welcome to my childhood.
364
00:15:16,225 --> 00:15:17,871
Jim, do not look at this again.
365
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:19,083
- Do not even hold it.
- I know.
366
00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:21,788
I want to stare into
the sun of his cruelty
367
00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:24,120
till it is burned into
my frontal lobe, okay?
368
00:15:24,266 --> 00:15:25,965
I will never, ever again
369
00:15:26,002 --> 00:15:28,435
let time soften my memory of that man.
370
00:15:28,699 --> 00:15:29,759
Jim...
371
00:15:29,784 --> 00:15:32,350
Can you believe I wanted
to give him a nice eulogy?
372
00:15:32,956 --> 00:15:36,843
I oughta burn his casket down
to ashes, is what I should do.
373
00:15:37,176 --> 00:15:38,845
Not literally.
374
00:15:39,296 --> 00:15:40,647
Jim Brockmire...
375
00:15:40,683 --> 00:15:42,449
What do you think that is, uh, teak?
376
00:15:42,518 --> 00:15:45,457
Jim enjoyed the daily things.
377
00:15:45,673 --> 00:15:49,008
Jim, you have a choice.
378
00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:52,835
You could look at the positive...
379
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,929
Even though it wasn't a lovefest,
380
00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:58,084
you reconnected with your sister.
381
00:15:58,882 --> 00:16:01,374
Plus, you and I are in a better place.
382
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,422
So, you can focus on that.
383
00:16:03,458 --> 00:16:04,690
[SIGHS]
384
00:16:04,759 --> 00:16:07,226
Or you could focus on the negative,
385
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,431
go up there, shit all over your father,
386
00:16:10,456 --> 00:16:13,151
and accomplish absolutely nothing
387
00:16:13,176 --> 00:16:16,235
except making everything more
painful than it already is.
388
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,306
You're absolutely right.
389
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,656
Jim most assuredly...
390
00:16:22,756 --> 00:16:24,644
Guess I should've given him
a third option.
391
00:16:24,976 --> 00:16:30,224
Yet, here we are, just the same,
uh, to pay...
392
00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:35,320
Bringing in a closer, Preach.
You can hit the showers.
393
00:16:35,981 --> 00:16:37,189
You're relieved, seriously.
394
00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:38,858
Thank you.
395
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,707
I'm sorry, but, um,
396
00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,475
if we're gonna say goodbye
to Dad here today,
397
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,929
I just thought, uh,
that somebody should get up here
398
00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:48,268
and utter something that
at least resembled the truth.
399
00:16:48,402 --> 00:16:50,929
I mean, no offense, Preach,
but that was some straight-up
400
00:16:50,954 --> 00:16:53,872
zero-calorie baby food
you were spooning out there.
401
00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:56,240
[SIGHS]
402
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,701
I have no positive memories
of my father.
403
00:17:00,835 --> 00:17:02,836
Seriously, not one.
404
00:17:02,971 --> 00:17:05,605
He wasn't so much a dad
as he was just this...
405
00:17:05,674 --> 00:17:08,641
This angry creep
who would stalk around the house
406
00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:10,243
on evenings and weekends.
407
00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:12,445
So he tried to find some peace
every day
408
00:17:12,709 --> 00:17:14,767
during what he called "Tiki Time."
409
00:17:14,917 --> 00:17:19,186
Tiki Time was when he'd go out
to this old bamboo bar
410
00:17:19,219 --> 00:17:21,020
that he had constructed
out in the garage,
411
00:17:21,056 --> 00:17:23,056
and he would throw back Mai Tais
out there.
412
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,079
Now, we never were allowed
to disturb him then
413
00:17:25,126 --> 00:17:29,495
because, as Dad liked to put it,
Tiki Time was paradise.
414
00:17:29,531 --> 00:17:32,930
But one night, I desecrated Tiki Time
415
00:17:32,955 --> 00:17:34,867
when I went out there to
tell him that he had forgotten
416
00:17:34,903 --> 00:17:36,788
to feed us kids dinner that night.
417
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,376
So, he stormed back into the house,
418
00:17:39,401 --> 00:17:40,873
and he nuked up some fish sticks
419
00:17:40,909 --> 00:17:42,475
till they were just
hotter than the sun,
420
00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:44,410
and then screamed into our faces
421
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,768
when we wanted to wait
for them to cool down.
422
00:17:46,904 --> 00:17:48,253
[TAPS PODIUM]
423
00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,199
I don't remember anything after that
424
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:57,624
except for, well, waking up
in the emergency room,
425
00:17:57,693 --> 00:18:00,893
where Jean and I
had, uh, third-degree burns.
426
00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:03,386
[INHALES DEEPLY]
427
00:18:03,411 --> 00:18:06,065
I guess things might've been
easier if Mom had stuck around,
428
00:18:06,090 --> 00:18:07,951
but, you know,
I never blamed her leaving.
429
00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:10,102
Hell, I ran away
the first chance that I got,
430
00:18:10,139 --> 00:18:13,527
uh, which left my sister, Jean,
at home holding the bag.
431
00:18:13,568 --> 00:18:17,704
And by "bag," of course, I am
referring to shithead down there.
432
00:18:17,839 --> 00:18:19,177
[CHUCKLES]
433
00:18:19,202 --> 00:18:20,268
Somehow though, Jean,
434
00:18:20,293 --> 00:18:22,508
y-you came out of that
in better shape than I did.
435
00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:24,094
I don't know how you did that.
436
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,852
I guess it's 'cause
you were wise enough
437
00:18:25,877 --> 00:18:28,203
to surround yourself
with a family of your own.
438
00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:29,737
[TAPS PODIUM, CHUCKLES]
439
00:18:29,762 --> 00:18:30,890
I mean, don't get me wrong.
440
00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:32,463
I wouldn't trade places with you
441
00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:33,650
if you put a shotgun in my mouth,
442
00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:37,796
but, uh, no, I still envy you
all the same.
443
00:18:37,821 --> 00:18:40,534
And you were right. You were right.
I have not changed.
444
00:18:40,602 --> 00:18:43,336
I managed to make this moment
all about myself, didn't I?
445
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,750
But what can I say?
I'm not over my past, obviously,
446
00:18:46,814 --> 00:18:48,981
and still quite trapped by it.
447
00:18:49,077 --> 00:18:51,578
But, you know, very difficult
for scars to heal
448
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:54,213
when the knife's still stickin'
out of the wound there, huh?
449
00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:55,910
[CHUCKLES]
450
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:57,951
That past isn't really the past,
anyway, is it?
451
00:18:57,953 --> 00:19:00,220
I mean, is it? Nobody changes.
452
00:19:00,289 --> 00:19:03,242
Nobody actually matures.
I mean, uh, he didn't.
453
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:06,692
He remained a monster
till the day he died.
454
00:19:07,499 --> 00:19:09,295
And now he even looks like one.
455
00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:10,798
[SIGHS]
456
00:19:11,266 --> 00:19:14,433
Anywhoodles, Dad's gone.
457
00:19:14,743 --> 00:19:18,571
I guess now it really is
Tiki Time, huh?
458
00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:20,827
♪ Was blind ♪
459
00:19:20,852 --> 00:19:22,018
Drink up.
460
00:19:22,043 --> 00:19:29,689
♪ But now I see ♪
461
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,102
[SIGHS]
462
00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:37,424
I went with the second option there.
463
00:19:39,861 --> 00:19:41,574
[CHUCKLES]
464
00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:43,494
Okay, all right.
465
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,567
[SIGHS]
466
00:19:45,636 --> 00:19:47,503
Thank you, Lucy. That...
467
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:50,467
Boy, it's so weird, that we're in
a place where that actually...
468
00:19:50,492 --> 00:19:52,323
That just gave me some comfort.
469
00:19:53,586 --> 00:19:56,794
I still feel, uh, pretty awful, though.
470
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:59,730
Would you feel better if we had sex?
471
00:20:00,946 --> 00:20:04,668
No. What? Are you just...
Are you horny all of the time?
472
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:07,404
Yes. It's my defining characteristic.
473
00:20:08,072 --> 00:20:09,807
As much as I'd love
to show you everything
474
00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:11,743
that I learned in
the knock shops of Manila,
475
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,920
my dad's letter is still kind of
stripping the paint
476
00:20:13,945 --> 00:20:15,058
right off of my insides.
477
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,949
So, I-I'm just not sure I could handle
478
00:20:16,974 --> 00:20:20,041
whatever emotional minefield
that sex with you might be.
479
00:20:21,323 --> 00:20:22,620
Fair enough.
480
00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:24,556
Oh, Jim.
481
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,170
[SMOOCHES]
482
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,540
Take care of yourself.
483
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:29,994
You, too.
484
00:20:30,191 --> 00:20:33,264
♪ ♪
485
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,465
[SIGHS]
486
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,267
[WATER SPLASHING]
487
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,602
♪ ♪
488
00:20:38,897 --> 00:20:41,238
Hey! You must be Harry, huh?
489
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,375
I-I'm your uncle, Jim.
490
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:46,469
Look, son, I know life's been
very difficult for ya
491
00:20:46,494 --> 00:20:48,713
growing up Glasscock and everything.
492
00:20:48,807 --> 00:20:51,849
But, uh, believe it or not,
it's only gonna get worse.
493
00:20:51,977 --> 00:20:55,539
See, in life, you can't ever
really stop the pain.
494
00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:58,455
The best you can hope to do
is just limit it a little bit.
495
00:20:58,492 --> 00:21:01,258
So, for crying out loud,
don't be a Harry.
496
00:21:01,486 --> 00:21:04,596
Be a Harold, all right? Okay?
497
00:21:04,819 --> 00:21:06,931
Be a Harold!
498
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,333
[SIGHS]
499
00:21:09,403 --> 00:21:17,403
♪ ♪
500
00:21:21,474 --> 00:21:29,474
♪ ♪
501
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,227
Can I get a hug, Jean?
502
00:21:36,573 --> 00:21:37,895
No.
503
00:21:40,153 --> 00:21:44,153
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
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