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Previously on Brockmire.
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Do you love being a dad?
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Mostly, I hate wearing condoms.
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Why wear a saddle when
you like to feel the horse?
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Because some horses...
they have Gonorrhea.
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Pre-gaming this abortion, darling...
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it was the best idea that you ever had.
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You snorted my abortion.
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And Howard Cosell...
I swear this is true...
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without missing a beat, drops his pants,
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00:00:26,307 --> 00:00:29,311
points to his pubes and
says, "Tug away, my friend."
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[Laughter]
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And... And my God, the
bush that that man had.
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- [Audience jeers]
- No, no, no.
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It looked like he was tryin' to smuggle
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one of the Jackson 5 down
there between his legs.
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I-I think it was Tito.
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- [Laughter]
- [Chuckles]
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But that heart-warming tale
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00:00:45,193 --> 00:00:48,297
is what is so special about
Mack & McGraw, isn't it?
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I mean, for one night a year,
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we get to walk amongst baseball legends.
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But enough about the past.
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Let's focus on gettin' drunk
in the present, shall we?
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- [Laughter]
- [Chuckles]
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So, quick announcement... seriously.
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Guys, no pissin' in
the corners this year.
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- [Laughter]
- I'm serious.
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No, if you can't make it to the
bathroom, please wear a diaper.
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[Laughter]
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I am lookin' at you, Brent Musburger.
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[Laughter]
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[Both laugh]
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Hey, fellas.
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Can I get a second with him, please?
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Get up.
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Hey, you don't have to go
just 'cause he says so.
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Hi, Joe Buck.
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Listen, did you lie to Robbie Butler
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and tell him that I wear
non-prescription glasses
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to seem smart?
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I... Joe Buck, it's
nothing personal, all right?
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I just happen to hate your stupid face.
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You were a groomsman at my wedding.
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Look, Joe.
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It's not just that you became
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the biggest broadcaster in America.
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Actually, yes, it is. That's it.
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Jesus, Jim.
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How was I supposed to know
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I was gonna plateau at age 24?
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Oh, come on. I guess, what?
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Like, your grass probably isn't as green
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as I imagine, though, right?
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No, life's pretty fantastic.
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And it's weird.
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I'm so famous right now
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that I pretty much just think
about something, and it appears.
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Who was that?
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Who was what?
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Great. Thanks for comin' by.
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Mission accomplished.
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I feel stupid and weak and vulnerable.
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Listen to me. Listen
to me. Look in my eyes.
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Now that I know what's
wrong, I think I can fix it.
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How you gonna do that?
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I don't want to oversell this, okay?
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But let's just say that by the time
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you get back to your
hotel room tonight...
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[whispering] you may have a
big surprise waiting for you.
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[Slaps Jim's leg]
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♪♪
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[Sniffs]
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Ooh.
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[Sniffs]
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[Suspenseful music plays]
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Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!
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Joe Buck!
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Ohh, fuck his ass.
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Joe Buck didn't shit in your bed.
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That was Musburger.
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Musbur... get outta here. Musburger.
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It was payback for that diaper joke.
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He always brags about it.
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Says it was the shit of his life.
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You know, that's actually pretty
funny comin' from Musburger.
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What the hell was the big surprise
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that Joe Buck was talkin' about, then?
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His producer was supposed to call
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and offer you the chance to fill in
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on the number-one broadcast
crew when Buck left for football.
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Your phone didn't ring?
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I don't know.
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I ran the hell out of
there to go kill Joe Buck!
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So, your life would have
been completely different
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had Musburger just had a smaller dinner.
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All right, look, Joe Buck
asked me to come out here
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to invite you to join him
for this year's Mack & McGraw.
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And I think you should do it.
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Well, Robbie, I'll think about it.
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And I do want to thank you for comin'.
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And you know, I want you to know...
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I think I learned a lot
about gender and sexuality
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- over the years.
- [Scoffs]
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No, I have. And I...
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I think I'm a lot more sensitive
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to what you were going
through back then.
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What are you doin'?
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I'm just tryin' to
connect with you, is all.
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- Hey, Jim.
- Just stop.
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- Let go of his hand.
- Come on.
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He doesn't really want to hold hands.
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- No, it's all right.
- Get away from me.
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Jim, he doesn't want to hold hands!
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I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
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Look, I'm glad you're doin' better.
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All right, but you did sucker punch me.
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Mouth or stomach?
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Well, I make a living with this mouth.
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Yeah... Ohh!
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- [Groans]
- [Pats Jim's back]
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Hope to see you in Chicago, Jim.
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[Strained voice] You're
a good man, Robbie Butler.
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- [Groans]
- [Door opens, closes]
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You... you guys have a
pretty complicated friendship.
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[Wheezes]
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Come on, it's the perfect
time to take a vacation.
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Team's on a road trip.
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I'm almost paid off on my loan.
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We have money for travel and booze.
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Drinks are free at Mack & McGraw,
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but I do not want to go.
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When you were suicidal,
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the only thing that
convinced you to live
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was my promise of free booze.
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You said that if hell had
an open bar, you'd shake...
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- Satan's hand.
- Satan's hand, I know.
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Yeah, so what is going on?
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What's goin' on is
I'm ashamed, all right?
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This is gonna be like
my high-school reunion.
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Only instead of getting fat and
bald, I ended up here.
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What is so wrong with this place?
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Please don't look at Dale right now.
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Just don't... no. Don't!
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This stain's old. You
can go ahead and serve me.
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Look, I'm ashamed of what
I have become, all right?
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I used to be one of the greats.
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I was a pillar of
Midwestern American values,
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and now I'm... I'm some kind of clown
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that gets drunk on the Internet.
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Look at me.
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I'm with you every day.
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You have nothing to be ashamed of...
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other than your toenail situation,
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which we've discussed.
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- I-I don't know what that is.
- It's fungus.
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- Yeah, but is it, though?
- Yes, yeah.
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If you're not gonna do
it for you, do it for us.
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It'll be our first vacation together.
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We just got back from Pittsburgh.
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Going to Pittsburgh to get
an abortion doesn't count.
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[Sighs] All right, that's a fair point.
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All right, what the
hell? Let's go to Chicago.
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But just so we can have the kind of sex
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that is only possible when
somebody else cleans the sheets.
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It is the best kind.
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Oh, it is.
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Here are the stadium keys.
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[Keys jingle]
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Your only job... literally,
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the only thing you have to do
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is make sure it doesn't burn down.
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Okay. You know, this means a lot to me.
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Not a lot of people
will put this much power
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in the hands of a teenager.
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00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:43,038
Yeah, well, don't pull a muscle
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givin' yourself a pat
on the back or anything.
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She just doesn't think you have
enough friends to throw a party.
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Well, maybe the old Charles.
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But you're looking at the producer
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of a top-10 podcast on iTunes Charles.
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This is the Charles who
spent the past four months
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locked in a room with that egomaniac
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just soaking up
confidence like a sponge.
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I'm not going to throw a party,
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but if I did, it would be lit.
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[Clears throat] I believe you.
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You should.
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00:07:10,632 --> 00:07:12,067
No, she doesn't.
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- [Sighs]
- [Keys jingle]
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00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:15,872
[Microphone feedback]
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Ladies and gentlemen...
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Titties.
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Titties and titties.
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Titties plus titties equals...
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titties.
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[Elevator dings]
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00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:34,324
[Sighing rapidly]
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00:07:34,356 --> 00:07:37,159
All right, wait, just... one second.
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00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:38,904
[Exhales sharply]
201
00:07:38,954 --> 00:07:40,522
I've never seen you so nervous.
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[Sighs]
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I... you know.
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What if these guys don't like
who I am now or somethin'?
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00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:47,327
Or even worse... what if they
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00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,862
just don't give a shit
that I'm even here?
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00:07:48,894 --> 00:07:51,764
If anyone is mean to you,
I will grab a sharp object
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00:07:51,797 --> 00:07:53,833
and... and stab them till they stop.
209
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:56,436
[Chuckles] Well, that
sounds like a good plan.
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00:07:56,468 --> 00:07:58,171
[Sniffs]
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[Whispering] You're gonna be great.
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00:07:59,372 --> 00:08:00,307
All right, ready?
213
00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:01,642
Ready.
214
00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:03,509
[Giggles]
215
00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,877
Don't really stab anybody.
216
00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:06,180
Okay.
217
00:08:06,213 --> 00:08:07,247
[Indistinct conversation]
218
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,783
- Oh.
- Hey!
219
00:08:09,816 --> 00:08:11,585
[Cheers and applause]
220
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,785
- [Chuckling]
- Hey.
221
00:08:12,819 --> 00:08:14,922
Brian Kenny, get outta here!
222
00:08:14,954 --> 00:08:16,255
Good to see you.
223
00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,658
Jim, great to see you.
224
00:08:17,691 --> 00:08:19,359
You too. I don't know who you are,
225
00:08:19,391 --> 00:08:20,560
but it's great to see you.
226
00:08:20,593 --> 00:08:21,661
We've met five times, but it's okay.
227
00:08:21,694 --> 00:08:23,362
Robbie Butler, give me a break.
228
00:08:23,396 --> 00:08:24,831
- Good to see you. All right.
- Jim.
229
00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:26,233
Tim Kurkjian, how are you?
230
00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:27,467
- Good to see you.
- You good?
231
00:08:27,499 --> 00:08:29,202
Joe Buck: Hey!
232
00:08:36,742 --> 00:08:37,944
Man: [In a hushed voice] It's Joe Buck.
233
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:39,612
What took you so long?
234
00:08:39,646 --> 00:08:44,585
Uh, sorry, I got held up
finger-blasting your mom.
235
00:08:46,619 --> 00:08:48,655
My mom's dead.
236
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:52,792
Well, no wonder it took
her so long to finish.
237
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:54,427
[Chuckles]
238
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:56,362
- [Gasps]
- [Yells]
239
00:08:56,396 --> 00:08:57,731
Come here, you old buckeye.
240
00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:59,498
You smell like shit!
241
00:08:59,531 --> 00:09:03,302
[Applause and chattering]
242
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,437
I love you, though.
243
00:09:04,471 --> 00:09:06,974
Jim: I missed this guy.
244
00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:08,842
I missed all of ya.
245
00:09:08,875 --> 00:09:11,511
[Slow footsteps approach]
246
00:09:16,382 --> 00:09:18,517
Oh, my!
247
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,853
You and Jerry Reinsdorf
are gonna be neck and neck
248
00:09:20,886 --> 00:09:22,856
for the title of most attractive owner.
249
00:09:22,888 --> 00:09:24,724
[Laughs]
250
00:09:24,757 --> 00:09:26,359
Okay, what time's dinner?
251
00:09:26,392 --> 00:09:28,694
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh.
252
00:09:28,728 --> 00:09:31,631
It's a tradition that
women aren't allowed
253
00:09:31,665 --> 00:09:33,733
into this event until after dinner.
254
00:09:33,766 --> 00:09:35,669
What? These guys' wives, they don't eat?
255
00:09:35,702 --> 00:09:37,504
There are no wives at Mack & McGraw.
256
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,872
Back in the day, we called
after dinner Whores' Hour.
257
00:09:39,905 --> 00:09:41,275
What do you call it now?
258
00:09:41,308 --> 00:09:42,609
Whores' Hour.
259
00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:45,011
But we just... we... we
tend to whisper that now.
260
00:09:45,045 --> 00:09:47,679
I was real excited to talk
baseball with Brian Kenny.
261
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:50,416
I tried to last night, but
Charlie Steiner cornered me
262
00:09:50,449 --> 00:09:52,718
and kept showing me
pictures of his three pugs.
263
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:54,854
Jesus, really?
264
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,891
Anyway, how's this for
a compromise, all right?
265
00:09:57,924 --> 00:09:59,393
Don't do me any favors.
266
00:09:59,425 --> 00:10:01,027
You meet me after
dinner at Mack & McGraw,
267
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:04,297
and in the meantime, you can
use this ticket to today's
268
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:05,765
♪ Cubs game ♪
269
00:10:05,799 --> 00:10:07,367
- What?!
- Yep.
270
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,535
No, you didn't!
271
00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:10,370
- [Chuckles]
- Are you for real?
272
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:11,737
[Chuckles]
273
00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:13,306
I've never been to Wrigley!
274
00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:14,373
I'm aware of that.
275
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,042
Holy shit.
276
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:18,478
Thank you, Jim.
277
00:10:18,511 --> 00:10:20,046
You are welcome.
278
00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:23,916
When you used to come to Chicago
by yourself back in the day,
279
00:10:23,949 --> 00:10:28,387
did you... partake in Whores' Hour?
280
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,622
No, I did not.
281
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:30,424
Come on.
282
00:10:30,457 --> 00:10:32,492
Jules, at the time of my divorce,
283
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:34,795
Lucy was the only woman
that I had ever slept with.
284
00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:36,063
Dear God!
285
00:10:36,096 --> 00:10:37,530
[Laughs]
286
00:10:37,564 --> 00:10:39,632
Are you biggest cuckold of all time?
287
00:10:39,665 --> 00:10:40,934
I think without a doubt I am.
288
00:10:40,967 --> 00:10:42,569
You know, there's a whole subgenre
289
00:10:42,602 --> 00:10:43,636
of porn devoted to this.
290
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:44,905
You know that, right?
291
00:10:44,938 --> 00:10:46,405
Guys dress up as me
292
00:10:46,439 --> 00:10:48,809
and then watch other
men plow their wives.
293
00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:50,077
Yeah, Cuckmire, I've seen it.
294
00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:51,944
Cuckmire.
295
00:10:51,978 --> 00:10:53,546
I wasn't aware it was called Cuckmire.
296
00:10:53,579 --> 00:10:55,715
That's fine.
297
00:10:55,748 --> 00:10:57,683
You know, for the
longest time, I just...
298
00:10:57,717 --> 00:11:00,420
I really hated who I became. I did.
299
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,389
But now for the first
time in a long time,
300
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,657
I feel like I can maybe
change back into who I was.
301
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:08,394
And that is thanks to you.
302
00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:10,097
Wow.
303
00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:11,998
I can't believe your
Tinder bio was real.
304
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:13,833
You actually own a
minor-league baseball team?
305
00:11:13,867 --> 00:11:16,435
Yeah. You know, this is just one of
306
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,805
my many investments at the moment.
307
00:11:18,838 --> 00:11:20,873
How's your beer, by the way?
308
00:11:20,906 --> 00:11:23,843
Uh, warm and tastes
kind of funny. [Chuckles]
309
00:11:23,877 --> 00:11:25,712
Mm, yeah, I couldn't find any cups,
310
00:11:25,745 --> 00:11:27,948
so I just rinsed out
a few ranch containers.
311
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,516
I see that.
312
00:11:29,549 --> 00:11:32,886
So, are you, uh... you from around here?
313
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:34,621
Oh, no, I'm from Ohio.
314
00:11:34,654 --> 00:11:36,623
I'm with the theater camp
just right down the road.
315
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,391
Mm, yeah. That makes sense
316
00:11:38,425 --> 00:11:41,928
'cause normally everybody
here already knows who I am.
317
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,398
- 'Cause, um, you know Drake?
- Yeah.
318
00:11:45,431 --> 00:11:49,101
I'm pretty much what Drake is to Toronto
319
00:11:49,135 --> 00:11:50,504
but to Morristown.
320
00:11:50,536 --> 00:11:51,971
Wow.
321
00:11:52,005 --> 00:11:53,874
Hey, cheers.
322
00:11:53,906 --> 00:11:54,775
[Chuckles]
323
00:11:54,808 --> 00:11:56,143
[Jugs thud]
324
00:11:57,936 --> 00:12:00,672
[Laughter, indistinct talking]
325
00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:03,174
I got one. So, a few years ago,
326
00:12:03,206 --> 00:12:04,474
I'm doing the World Series.
327
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:05,538
I'm worn out, middle of the night,
328
00:12:05,577 --> 00:12:08,479
phone rings, and on the
other end I hear slapping.
329
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:12,183
And this drunken, absurd
voice comes on and goes,
330
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:15,186
[slurred voice] "That's
the way my balls sound."
331
00:12:15,219 --> 00:12:16,887
- [Laughter]
- Tell me that wad'n't you.
332
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,389
Seriously, I have no recollection,
333
00:12:18,421 --> 00:12:20,925
but, you know, I have a very
serious drinkin' problem.
334
00:12:20,958 --> 00:12:22,393
- Hey!
- [Laughter]
335
00:12:22,426 --> 00:12:24,729
Not kiddin', actually,
but cheers anyway.
336
00:12:24,762 --> 00:12:26,763
Yeah, these things have really
gone downhill since you left.
337
00:12:26,796 --> 00:12:29,966
Three years ago, Joe hosted.
He workshopped his one-man show.
338
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,936
Listen to me... "Echoes of My Father"
339
00:12:31,969 --> 00:12:33,903
was a Time Out New York "Thing To Do,"
340
00:12:33,936 --> 00:12:35,940
so I resent any, uh, implication
341
00:12:35,973 --> 00:12:37,942
that a good time was not had by all.
342
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,110
Is your new show called
"The Puffed-Up Twat"?
343
00:12:40,143 --> 00:12:41,144
[Laughter]
344
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,812
Can you just go away again?
345
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,347
I... please, I can't wait to see
346
00:12:44,380 --> 00:12:46,249
what y'all have on tap for this year.
347
00:12:46,282 --> 00:12:48,451
Oh, we got a fantastic
video tribute for you.
348
00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:50,787
- Oh!
- Jesus, Jonah, that was a surprise.
349
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:52,223
Wait, what? How was I supposed to know?
350
00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:54,424
Really, a video tribute? Really?
351
00:12:54,458 --> 00:12:55,960
- Yeah.
- Guys, I'm touched.
352
00:12:55,993 --> 00:12:58,262
I am touched, but I do reserve the right
353
00:12:58,295 --> 00:13:00,064
to respond with a few words of my own.
354
00:13:00,096 --> 00:13:02,066
Well, as long as you
don't bust out a version
355
00:13:02,099 --> 00:13:03,400
of "Papa Can You Hear Me?"
356
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:05,335
It was emotional, and
it made Kurkjian cry.
357
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:06,836
Right or wrong?
358
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:10,140
Uh, hey, I found his
sincerity compelling.
359
00:13:10,173 --> 00:13:12,842
Plus, I love lentil.
360
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,310
[Laughter]
361
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:15,479
You mean "Yentl."
362
00:13:15,512 --> 00:13:16,914
What's in this thing?
363
00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:19,450
Oh, I love all beans. Here's to beans!
364
00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:21,218
Beans! And Streisand.
365
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,887
- Lentil!
- To Barbra Streisand.
366
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,561
[Gasps]
367
00:13:31,595 --> 00:13:35,065
Yeah, I like a really
relaxed work environment.
368
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:36,801
It's beautiful. [Chuckles]
369
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:38,301
Can I refill your beer?
370
00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:41,138
Can I have extra ranch
dressing in mine this time?
371
00:13:41,171 --> 00:13:42,306
Of course you can.
372
00:13:42,339 --> 00:13:44,008
[Chuckles]
373
00:13:44,041 --> 00:13:47,011
Because their investing in contact
374
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,878
throughout the lineup is so shrewd.
375
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,314
In the high-velo era,
376
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,282
the ability just to not strike out
377
00:13:52,316 --> 00:13:54,285
is in itself an undervalued asset.
378
00:13:54,317 --> 00:13:55,485
Wow.
379
00:13:55,518 --> 00:13:56,921
I have to say,
380
00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:58,556
I've enjoyed talking baseball with you
381
00:13:58,589 --> 00:14:00,023
more than any other escort
382
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,892
who's ever come up
to me at these things.
383
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,995
But I'm a married
man. Have a good night.
384
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,743
[Stifles laugh]
385
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,369
[Slams clutch]
386
00:14:12,402 --> 00:14:16,272
Uh-oh. What? What's the matter?
387
00:14:16,306 --> 00:14:19,008
Well, for one thing, Brian
Kenny think I'm a prostitute.
388
00:14:19,042 --> 00:14:21,545
The Frackers lost at Slippery Rock.
389
00:14:21,577 --> 00:14:23,379
Cubs game was rained out, and...
390
00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:26,450
there's a whore wearing the
exact same dress I'm wearing.
391
00:14:26,483 --> 00:14:28,051
Shh. Darlin', shh, shh, shh!
392
00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:29,586
We say "sex worker" now.
393
00:14:31,488 --> 00:14:32,556
What are you doing?
394
00:14:32,589 --> 00:14:33,590
Oh, I'm just workin' on my speech.
395
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,258
I usually go off the cuff,
396
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,595
but I like to have a few
bullets loaded into the chamber.
397
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:40,296
I got jokes on how many
times Olbermann's been fired.
398
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:41,532
- Mm-hmm.
- A lot.
399
00:14:41,565 --> 00:14:43,704
How Rich Eisen went bald at 23.
400
00:14:43,754 --> 00:14:44,391
Mm-hmm.
401
00:14:44,438 --> 00:14:46,337
And how Chris Berman's neck
402
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:48,438
is slowly but surely
swallowing his entire face.
403
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,306
- [Laughs]
- Oh, then for my closer,
404
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,243
I'm gonna pull out my dick,
405
00:14:52,276 --> 00:14:54,311
put it on Brent Musburger's face,
406
00:14:54,344 --> 00:14:55,479
and say, "Oh, looks like
407
00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:57,248
somebody can finally grow a mustache."
408
00:14:57,281 --> 00:14:59,083
[Laughs]
409
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,617
I don't get it.
410
00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,419
Well, look, everybody here knows
411
00:15:02,451 --> 00:15:04,621
that Musburger can't
grow facial hair, see.
412
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,957
Plus, you know, my dick
will be on his face.
413
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,460
How much have you had to drink?
414
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:12,363
Well, it's free, so I
don't know... all of it?
415
00:15:12,396 --> 00:15:13,597
- [Microphone feedback]
- I...
416
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:14,931
Man: Please take your seats.
417
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:16,934
The show is about to begin.
418
00:15:16,966 --> 00:15:19,235
Come on, darlin'.
419
00:15:19,268 --> 00:15:21,938
[Applause]
420
00:15:21,971 --> 00:15:24,240
Thank you.
421
00:15:24,273 --> 00:15:27,143
Joe!
422
00:15:28,979 --> 00:15:33,017
Our friend Jim Brockmire
has been resurrected.
423
00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:35,352
And as with Lazarus of Bethany,
424
00:15:35,384 --> 00:15:38,221
there really is only one response
425
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:40,323
to this incredible journey.
426
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,591
Jesus wept.
427
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:43,126
[Laughter]
428
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,562
I now present our tribute film,
429
00:15:45,595 --> 00:15:49,032
"Jim Brockmire: Legend of the Booth."
430
00:15:49,066 --> 00:15:50,667
- [Theme music plays]
- [Cheers and applause]
431
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,202
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
432
00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:56,506
My first memory of Jim Brockmire
433
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:59,176
was just being completely jealous
434
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:02,513
that he got to be the
youngest play-by-play man
435
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,281
in baseball history.
436
00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:05,416
Dan Patrick: From the
start there was something
437
00:16:05,449 --> 00:16:07,418
delightfully off about Jim.
438
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:10,086
We would listen to the
feed of the game at ESPN,
439
00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:11,087
look at each other and go,
440
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,655
"What the fuck did he just say?"
441
00:16:12,689 --> 00:16:15,726
Jim: Am I a cartoon cat who got
hit on the head with a soup can?
442
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:18,228
Because I am seeing
double... double play!
443
00:16:18,261 --> 00:16:19,558
And that'll end the inning.
444
00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:23,199
And like a newly divorced
dad's dinner, Clark is frozen.
445
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,734
Strike three, lookin'.
446
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:26,537
Eisen: Those Reds games were insane.
447
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:28,571
Whenever Kansas City
would go to Cincinnati,
448
00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:30,707
Marty Brennaman would usually bring in
449
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:32,342
some top-shelf bourbon.
450
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:34,143
And Jim would get into
it during the game.
451
00:16:34,176 --> 00:16:36,180
Oh, man, I'm loose.
452
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,282
It's like there's an electric blanket
453
00:16:38,315 --> 00:16:39,616
coursing through my veins.
454
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:41,417
[Laughter]
455
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,019
Uh, welcome back, folks.
456
00:16:43,052 --> 00:16:44,455
You snuck up on me there. [Chuckles]
457
00:16:44,488 --> 00:16:46,522
Sorry about that, Kansas City.
458
00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:48,758
Well, eventually, he'd get buzzed enough
459
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:51,762
that he'd start to bring out
"The Godfather" references.
460
00:16:51,795 --> 00:16:54,698
Beltran makes a
diving stab. And oh!
461
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:57,700
Look how they massacred my boy!
462
00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:59,136
Top of the third now...
463
00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:00,703
Oh, my God.
464
00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:02,606
What's the matter?
465
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:05,308
I've always been like this.
466
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:07,410
... your daughter would be
suffering this very day.
467
00:17:10,723 --> 00:17:12,560
I just... I want to apologize.
468
00:17:12,593 --> 00:17:15,329
This was, um, my first time...
469
00:17:15,362 --> 00:17:18,933
really, like, touching a vagina.
470
00:17:18,965 --> 00:17:22,236
Yeah, I figured that pretty early on.
471
00:17:22,268 --> 00:17:24,305
Cool.
472
00:17:24,337 --> 00:17:27,507
Any...
473
00:17:27,541 --> 00:17:30,478
tips?
474
00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:32,613
Maybe don't pound a
cervix like a medieval army
475
00:17:32,645 --> 00:17:34,247
trying to break through a castle door.
476
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,582
Thank you.
477
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,789
- If you let me back in, I think...
- No.
478
00:17:42,823 --> 00:17:44,191
Okay.
479
00:17:48,394 --> 00:17:51,565
What if, maybe,
480
00:17:51,599 --> 00:17:54,402
you would want to...
481
00:17:54,434 --> 00:17:56,203
try something on me?
482
00:17:56,237 --> 00:17:57,939
But please don't feel pressure to
483
00:17:57,971 --> 00:17:59,606
if you don't want to, but, like...
484
00:18:01,542 --> 00:18:03,678
[Sighs]
485
00:18:03,710 --> 00:18:07,414
Dan Patrick: Jim was never
subtle about how little he...
486
00:18:07,448 --> 00:18:09,026
gave a fuck.
487
00:18:09,032 --> 00:18:10,276
One time in Kansas City,
488
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,783
they actually held up the
start of an inning for him.
489
00:18:12,987 --> 00:18:14,755
I'm so sorry.
490
00:18:14,787 --> 00:18:16,824
I had about 40 ounces of
iced tea brewing down there.
491
00:18:16,856 --> 00:18:19,426
Play ball! Play ball.
492
00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:21,996
Joe Buck: Jim, you are
absolutely one-of-a-kind.
493
00:18:22,028 --> 00:18:23,930
And I'm sure you're
gonna be givin' us all
494
00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:25,566
great stories for years to come.
495
00:18:25,599 --> 00:18:27,568
Probably even some tonight.
496
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:30,238
[Epic theme music climaxes]
497
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:31,738
[Applause]
498
00:18:31,772 --> 00:18:33,908
All right, let's hear
from the man himself.
499
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,576
Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Brockmire.
500
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:40,281
- [Cheers and applause]
- Whoo!
501
00:18:40,314 --> 00:18:41,314
Whoo!
502
00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:43,584
[Applause continues]
503
00:18:43,616 --> 00:18:46,920
[Audience member
chanting "Speech! Speech!]
504
00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:49,322
- We love you, Jim!
- Thank you.
505
00:18:49,355 --> 00:18:50,525
[Applause continues]
506
00:18:52,726 --> 00:18:54,295
That's obvious, really.
507
00:18:54,327 --> 00:18:55,662
If I do say so myself,
508
00:18:55,696 --> 00:18:58,599
from that tribute and
from the whole weekend.
509
00:18:58,632 --> 00:18:59,834
[Applause]
510
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:04,505
[Applause ends]
511
00:19:04,537 --> 00:19:05,739
Well...
512
00:19:05,773 --> 00:19:07,308
it just seems like a lot of you
513
00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:09,310
kind of love me when
I'm at my most reckless,
514
00:19:09,343 --> 00:19:11,344
which is, uh...
515
00:19:11,378 --> 00:19:13,014
I mean, I get it. Believe me.
516
00:19:13,046 --> 00:19:14,814
[Chuckles]
517
00:19:14,847 --> 00:19:16,349
Uh, it's understandable and everything.
518
00:19:16,382 --> 00:19:17,684
It's just, um...
519
00:19:17,718 --> 00:19:20,321
Well...
520
00:19:20,353 --> 00:19:21,721
It just doesn't feel that much different
521
00:19:21,755 --> 00:19:23,056
from the folks that like to laugh at me
522
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:24,025
on the Internet is all.
523
00:19:26,826 --> 00:19:28,074
[Speaking in hushed voice]
Joe Buck's one-man show
524
00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:30,062
is looking better and better.
525
00:19:30,482 --> 00:19:32,900
I think I'd be more relaxed
if I didn't see your face.
526
00:19:32,932 --> 00:19:34,501
Okay, that makes sense.
527
00:19:34,535 --> 00:19:36,637
And if I sang.
528
00:19:36,670 --> 00:19:38,439
Okay.
529
00:19:41,975 --> 00:19:45,045
♪ Amazing grace ♪
530
00:19:45,078 --> 00:19:48,515
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
531
00:19:48,548 --> 00:19:52,920
♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
532
00:19:52,952 --> 00:19:55,889
♪ I once was lost ♪
533
00:19:55,922 --> 00:19:58,625
♪ But now am found ♪
534
00:19:58,659 --> 00:20:03,531
♪ Was blind but now I see ♪
535
00:20:05,365 --> 00:20:08,335
♪ Amazing grace ♪
536
00:20:08,369 --> 00:20:12,340
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
537
00:20:12,372 --> 00:20:17,010
♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
538
00:20:17,044 --> 00:20:18,879
Jim: I don't know... you know,
539
00:20:18,911 --> 00:20:21,781
maybe watching this
thing just made me realize
540
00:20:21,814 --> 00:20:23,584
that everybody gets to decide
541
00:20:23,616 --> 00:20:25,920
the kind of man that they want to be.
542
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:28,421
And maybe true change really is possible
543
00:20:28,455 --> 00:20:32,760
if we just have the will and
the self-control to be better.
544
00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:34,929
And I think I have that now.
545
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:38,933
And if we need proof of that, well,
546
00:20:38,966 --> 00:20:42,603
all we need to do is look at
Mr. Brent Musburger over here.
547
00:20:45,005 --> 00:20:47,074
Because now he has a mustache!
548
00:20:47,106 --> 00:20:48,608
There it is! Come on!
549
00:20:48,641 --> 00:20:50,978
[Laughter]
550
00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:52,579
Come on, Brent.
551
00:20:52,613 --> 00:20:54,081
Come on, Brent!
552
00:20:55,112 --> 00:20:56,750
[Cheers and applause]
553
00:21:02,488 --> 00:21:03,857
Musburger!
554
00:21:03,891 --> 00:21:05,092
Yeah, man!
555
00:21:05,124 --> 00:21:07,827
He's back, baby! The king is back!
556
00:21:07,861 --> 00:21:09,662
[Line ringing]
557
00:21:09,696 --> 00:21:10,831
What's the matter?
558
00:21:10,863 --> 00:21:14,434
Um, the... the field is on fire.
559
00:21:14,468 --> 00:21:15,736
What?!
560
00:21:15,768 --> 00:21:17,971
A very friendly stranger came by,
561
00:21:18,005 --> 00:21:20,613
and he set fire to the outfield.
562
00:21:20,636 --> 00:21:22,108
Are you kidding?!
563
00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:25,680
[Audience chanting "Jimmy! Jimmy!" ]
564
00:21:26,979 --> 00:21:28,114
Jim!
565
00:21:28,148 --> 00:21:29,650
Jim!
566
00:21:29,682 --> 00:21:33,420
[Audience chanting
"Brockmire! Brockmire!" ]
567
00:21:36,189 --> 00:21:38,092
Hello?
568
00:21:38,124 --> 00:21:40,928
- H...
- [Fire truck horn blows, siren wails]
569
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,497
Do you think we'll keep in touch?
570
00:21:43,529 --> 00:21:44,664
[Wailing continues]
571
00:21:44,727 --> 00:21:48,794
Synced and corrected by Dragoniod for
- www.addic7ed.com -
40616
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