All language subtitles for The Hairdresser Mysteries s01e05 The Immortal Mrs Marigold.eng

Hi!

Oh, don't look at me like that.

You've got a face
like a burst settee.

- I asked for a trim.
- You look good.

You look French - which is good.

Hello, uh, Lily, Clary. Sorry.

Uh, bonjour!

I know it's a big ask

but, um, could we possibly
swap tables?

It's just that, three years ago,
me and Sophie

had our first date sitting
where you are now,

and today I'm going to ask her
a very important question.

- Ohh...
- Yes, yes.

Come on, Clary, let's move.

You get more legroom and we'll have
front row seats for the cabaret.

- Good luck, good luck.
- Thank you. Thank you.

- Shh!
- Oh! She's coming, she's coming.

She's here.

- Sophie!
- Oh, Sammy, I have had a day of it.

- I was wondering...
- I've just been working on my year three's

- Halloween project.
- Sophie...

Did you know,
spiders don't have any teeth?

Thank you.

Sophie, there's something
I need to say.

I'm all ears.

Um, three years ago,
we had our first date - here -

and, well, there's no-one I'd rather
have adventures with, so, um...

Um, Sophie Sweetley...

..will you marry me?

Yes! Yes!

APPLAUSE

No! No, stop, thief!

Stop! Stop, thief!

HE GROANS

- My hero!
- So you didn't catch him, then?

No. Not even Usain Bolt
could have caught him,

and I'm not Usain Bolt.

- Oh!
- Well, on the plus side, she did say yes.

Oh, yes. No, I know, I know.

But that man - I mean,
he's ruined Sophie's special moment.

Yeah. He won't get away with it.
Newton's third law -

every action has an equal
and opposite reaction.

Karma, in't it?

CHILD: # One, two
We caught up with you

# Three, four
Now you'll steal no more

# Five, six
For your dirty tricks

# Seven, eight
You have met your fate. #

# The ghouls all came
from their humble abode

# To get a jolt from my electrodes

# They did the...

ALL SINGING ALONG: # ..mash
Monster mash

# The monster mash. #

Anyway, this scumbag got away
with three handbags,

two phones, and a mobility scooter
outside the bingo.

ALL: # Awoo! #

Good morning.

Oh, Sophie. I heard.
What an absolute tragedy.

I assume the engagement's off now?

No. Why would it be?

Well, you might be cursed.

Let's, erm... Let's get your gown
on. Why would you say that?

How are you doing?

Oh. Not bad. I just... I can't
believe someone would steal a ring

in broad daylight.

- I know. It's such a bobby dazzler
as well. - Yeah.

Belonged to Sammy's grandmother,
and it was completely irreplaceable.

- But on the bright side,
I'm getting married. - BOTH:

Yeah. And I've asked my friend
Venetia to be maid of honour.

I think maybe a big bouncy
blowout for her.

BELL RINGS

Oh. Hello, Sammy.

- Hello.
- My Sammy, husband-to-be.

Hiya.

- Are you OK?
- Oh, you know, mustn't grumble.

Just trying to channel my energy
into something positive.

So, uh, can I leave some flyers?

Yeah. Whatever for?

Well, as you may know, I run
the neighbourhood watch scheme,

so I've teamed up with
the local estate agents

to form
a Halloween Action Group - HAG.

- None taken.
- We've got a meeting tonight at eight.

I hope to see you there.

- Oh. Can I have two?
- Of course.

- Thank you.
- Start with this one. We should head off.

Yes. Oh, one more thing -

Could you pay a visit
to my grandmother?

She's housebound because
somebody stole her scooter.

- WHISPERS:
- The mobility scooter. - And I know she'd love a haircut.

Yeah, sure. Just give me
address and time, I'll be there.

- Lovely.
- OK, let's go. Lots to plan.

- Hi.
- Sorry we don't keep cash in the house.

No, I've got an appointment
with Mrs Marigold.

And you are?

Lily. Lily Petal.

Is Mrs Marigold expecting you?

Yeah. Well, very much hope so.

Her grandson's arranged
for me to cut her hair.

Do you have any identification?

Moses, leave the lady alone.

Come on in, love.

I guess you can come in.

Thanks. Right.

Thank you very much.

Miss Margaret Marigold.

I can introduce myself,
you know, Moses.

Lily Petal. I am here to attend
to your crowning glory.

Oh, wonderful.

Because, as you can see,
my hairdo is more of a hair-don't.

No.

Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm counting the moments.

Me too.

- Goodbye.
- Ah, he's a lovely lad.

Right, so I need somewhere
to set up my salon.

Well, it's a bit cluttered
round here.

I can't manage the stairs
any more, you know.

- It's OK.
- But maybe you could set up in the kitchen.

- Great.
- But sit down. Move the cat.

OK.

Hey. Oh...

- He's 77.
- What?

Oh, in cat years?

No, he was stuffed 60 years ago.

You mean he's dead?

Well, what do you think?

Move him.

Careful!

My late husband, Tarquin,
was an extremely accomplished

taxidermist. A miracle worker.

The immortal Mr Marigold -
that's what they called him.

And do they feel like good company,
these animals, or...?

No, they're dead.

Yeah.

Anyway, I don't need company.

I have my grandson and his fiancee,

- and Moses.
- Mm.

And the people
at the top of the stairs.

I'm sorry, I thought you
lived here alone.

So did I,

but there's a strange bunch
of folk who moved in upstairs.

What kind of folk?

Well, I think they're a
religious cult,

because I hear them
talking in tongues

and chanting strange numbers.

- PORTENTOUSLY:
- 500,000, 600,000.

And then I hear the chime
of the temple bell

and smell a beautiful sweetness.

And are they up there now?

Yeah, I think they probably are.

Maybe you could have
a word with them.

About what?

Ask them to keep
the noise down, for one.

And I don't mind them
living above me,

but I don't want them
coming down here.

Right.

Oh, hello?

Hello?

Hello, is anyone here?

TAP DRIPS

SHE GASPS

Hello, Mr Badger. Rough night?

What's in here?
More antique roadkill?

Are you OK, Lily?
Is there anybody there?

No, I think we're all right.

She asked me to go upstairs,
and so I went upstairs.

And was anyone there?

No-one living.

No-one, then.

Clary, I stepped into that room
and I felt the most almighty chill.

There have been loads
of research studies into this.

When people visit a house
that they believe to be "haunted",

they often report a sudden drop
in temperature - "an icy chill".

Because ghosts absorb heat
when they're trying to manifest.

Ghosts aren't real.

What if I told you I'd seen one?

Have...you seen one?

No, but I used to cut the hair
of the next-door neighbour

of the Enfield Poltergeist,

and she told me that her house
was always freezing.

There is no sudden drop
in temperature.

When we feel fear,
we produce adrenaline

as part of our
fight-or-flight response,

and it's the adrenaline
that makes you feel a bit shivery.

Bit of a buzzkill, Clary.

- Anyway, you'll have a chance
to see for yourself. - Why?

She's asked us to dye her
hair green for Halloween.

Well, no-one should do that.

MUSIC: Ghost Town
by The Specials

MUSIC CONTINUES QUIETLY

Well, this is both more
and less than I imagined.

Hello, guys.

Cup of tea? Coffee? Ovaltine?

BOTH: Tea, please.

Hi, ladies!

Wincey! This is a bit previous,
isn't it?

Well, I thought I'd give her
a trial run, you know?

Yeah. This is holding up
well, though, isn't it?

Yeah. It's defying
the laws of gravity.

I'm not sure it'll survive
overnight, though.

How are you going to sleep?
Upside down like a bat?

Oh, well, I'll just
pull an all-nighter.

You look absolutely hideous, Wincey.

Oh, Clary. Stop it.

See you later. Hello!

Lily. Clary. Do you want to...
Do you want to join me?

- We can grab a few biscuits.
- No.

Sorry, what?

It's one biscuit per person.

Custard cream or fig roll.

Them's the rules.

Right. Well, I suppose
this is about law and order,

so, um, would you like to join me

and we can all have...a biscuit?

- Hello.
- Hi. - I know you!

I've seen you down at your salon,
crimping and styling.

Well, that certainly sounds like me.

And how are you finding life
in Blossom Vale?

Is it everything you hoped
and dreamed of?

Oh, no complaints. I love it.

Mm-hm. Well, if you do get
cold feet,

now is a very good time to sell.

And your salon does represent

an excellent commercial/residential
opportunity.

Well, that's very
reassuring/not at all interesting,

because I'm very happy.

- I love it.
- Ah!

- Venetia!
- Oh, darling.

I see you two have met.
Venetia is an estate agent.

- Yeah, I got that.
- Yeah. And she's my maid of honour,

so you two will be spending
a lot of time together.

- Can't wait.
- See what I mean about the slightly limp hair?

- Yeah. A bouncy blow.
- Yes, please.

I'm going to go grab a seat,
get a prime position.

Have you done something
with your hair? It's...

Yes.

I like it. It's nice.

Really?

Yeah. I'm coming round to it.

METAL CLANGS

Hello, everybody.

Thank you all so much for coming.

Now, as you know, crime can be
devastating on people's lives

and their mental health
and on property prices,

so it is my great honour
to introduce to you

the head of the local neighbourhood
watch - Mr Samuel Marigold.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello. Good evening.

Recently, I proposed marriage
to the girl of my dreams, Sophie.

APPLAUSE

It was a magical moment,
until one man stole a ring

that's been in my family
for three generations.

But it's not just about the value
of the thing you've lost.

Crime has a way of changing people.

It seeps into your soul.

DOG BARKS

Sorry, love, wrong house.
Sorry, sorry.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

That's why Halloween seems
such a bad idea this year.

But I will be setting up
a task force -

volunteers in high-vis jackets
with loudspeakers,

enforcing discipline
on the trick or treaters.

PHONE BEEPS

Who would like to sign up?

I would love to hold
your loudspeaker.

It's a yes!

Right. Sophie?

Oh, sorry. I've got a food delivery.
I've got to run.

You were amazing.
Your speech was magnificent.

I love you.

- WHISPERS:
- I told you she was cursed.

Anyone else?

Mr Marigold, I really think
it's brilliant

that you're trying to help out,

- but we don't want to antagonise...
- Well, what's the alternative?!

Oh, OK. Um...

Well, we.... We could do something
that brings the community together.

- Right.
- So if we went trick or treating,

- you know, it would be done
responsibly. - Right.

..we could just have a party.

We could have a hair-lo-ween party.

- That's very good.
- We can have a hair 'um scare 'um

scary hair party.

I can open up the salon and I can
help with hair and make-up.

- Exhibit A.
- Mm. - And we can all go

And then after that, bats, cats,
ghouls in hats -

everyone onto the dance floor
for a disco.

APPLAUSE

So I think maybe we all
need to take a breath.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Yes, please.

CLEARS THROAT

Hey, Sammy. I hope you didn't feel
that we were treading on your toes.

No. No, not at all.

To be honest, I think you
saved me from myself.

I've been getting a bit
worked up lately.

Well, it's understandable.

Oh, granny loves her haircut,
by the way.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Said you were a real artist.

Like Salvador Dali
with styling mousse.

I'll take it. Hey, I did want
to talk to you about something.

- Mm?
- Has she ever spoken to you about the people living upstairs?

Oh, yes. Frequently.

And?

Oh, well, I've told her before,

only three people
have a key to that house -

me, Sophie and Moses.

As for the people upstairs,
well, they live in her imagination.

Mm.

Excuse me.

Hello. I wondered how I might
acquire a riot shield.

- Uh...
- Possibly two or three. - Erm...

This is amazing.
Is this a sparrow hawk?

- It is.
- It is.

Its life cut short by
my ginger tom, Tiddles,

who is now curled up on the sofa.

Right. So I'll just go
and mix up my magic potion.

Do you have to?

No. Sorry, have I misunderstood?
I thought we were going green today.

Well. The thing is...

..I don't want to shut my eyes
because I'm terrified

of what I might see
when I open them again.

Oh, Mrs Marigold.

They came back.
There's a man and a woman,

and they got into
some kind of skirmish.

She was screaming.

Oh, she was screaming her head off.

And I yelled at them to stop.

And then there was the most
terrifying silence.

And did someone go upstairs to see?

Moses. He said there
was no-one there.

And then he took me out
to the bingo and I won �50.

So it wasn't all bad.

Well, it sounds as if whoever
was up there has scarpered, so...

PING

What?

Did you hear that?

- Hear what?
- The pinging noise.

Oh. That's the temple bell.

They use that in
their sacred rituals.

Hang on.

Have you got any large carnivores?

Hey, Owl Pacino,
have you seen anything?

No. Anyone else? Foxy music?
Creepy kids?

Right.

FREEZER BUZZES

SIREN WAILS

I've got you...

..a nice cup of tea.

There we go.

- Thank you.
- That's all right.

How are you doing?

You never get used
to seeing dead bodies.

Did you... Did you notice that
he was all covered in dust?

- Really?
- Yeah, like black dust.

It was like he'd been sprinkled
with black pepper or something.

Are you saying it's cannibalism?

I don't... I don't actually know
why I said that.

Tell you what, though,
I couldn't swear it,

but he looked very like the guy
who stole Sophie's engagement ring.

Yeah, it was. And everything else
that's gone missing around here.

I think that this
was his hiding place,

and then somebody found him and
carried out some vigilante justice.

- OVER RADIO:
- PC Watson, come in.

Right, I better get back.

Right. Here we are.

That's very hot.

- All right?
- Leave it there.

You see - I knew there was something
going on in this house,

and now they're making
human sacrifices.

I'm sorry, Granny.
I should have listened.

You know, it's ridiculous
you living here

in this great big house on your own.

Sophie always says
you should downsize.

Oh, she does, does she?

Naughty little mare.

She'd love to get her hands
on my title deeds.

- What?
- I'm not moving.

You can sell this place
over my dead body.

Right.

- Any news?
- Not really. He's still dead.

Right.

Hey, did you ever find out about
that pinging noise?

No, I didn't.

And there is one more place
I could look.

Hey, can you keep him talking?

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Adam.

- Hello.
- Hey. - How...

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no,
not bad. CSI just...

- CSI? As in the American
television franchise. - Yeah, we...

Oh, yes. It's in the van.

OK. Hold on.

We used to call them
scene of crime officers,

but CSI has greater public
recognition.

Toffee?

MOSES SHOUTS

Moses! Moses! Flaming Moses!

- What is this stuff?
- Don't worry, It's hairspray. It's mainly alcohol

- with a twist of vitamin B5.
- What are you doing here?

What are YOU doing, squirrelling
yourself away up in the eaves?

I've been living here
for six weeks.

Ever since they put the rent
up on my last place.

It was either here or underneath
the railway arches.

Oh. Fair enough.

Microwave - your ping gave you away.

Oh, I was heating up
my sticky toffee pudding.

And I am a sticky toffee
pudding-seeking missile.

- Please, come in.
- Yeah, sticky toffee pudding has got me through

many a long, dark night of the soul.

Me too.

I hate to break it to you, Moses,
but I do not think Mrs Marigold's

family are going to be best
pleased that you're here.

Mrs Marigold's family do not
even take proper care of her,

but I am able to watch over her
all through the night.

How do you do that, exactly?

Oh, I have a baby monitor.

Oh.

- CLARY:
- What exactly is the difference between

a coroner and a pathologist?

That's my girl.

So, hang on - you've been here
six weeks, you say?

- Yes.
- And in that time, have you seen or heard

anything out of the ordinary?

No. Why, what happened?

Someone's been murdered, Moses.

And their body has been stashed
in the deep freeze

in the taxidermy room.

No, no, I know nothing of this.
What happened? Who was it?

I don't know. Have you heard
anything? Not even on that?

No. I work 35-hour weeks,
do lots of community activities,

and also take Mrs Marigold to bingo.

I think you're going to have
to speak to the police, Moses.

- They need to know who was living in
the house. - Are the police here now?

Yes, downstairs.

I'll take you down.

Wait, erm...

The hatch in the door is
a little tricky to open.

I wouldn't want you
to hurt yourself.

Thank you. Moses.
Chivalry's not dead.

Of course not.

Moses! Moses, you rat bag!

Oh, Moses, you daft apeth.

Don't run away!

They'll think it's you!

MUSIC: Rock The Casbah
by The Clash

All right, Clary,
you want something?

- SHOUTING:
- I would like some answers, please. Can I speak to Venetia?

Can I speak to Venetia, please?

Oh, did somebody say my name?

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Hello.

I'm just a bit surprised to see
a picture of Mrs Marigold's house

in your window.

Oh, don't be surprised.

We often put pictures of houses
in our windows.

Yes. It's just that she said
that she would never, ever move,

and they would sell that house
over her dead body.

Oh, I know. Old people can be
so stuck in their ways sometimes,

can't they? Bless their
little mobility scooters.

I think you're selling her house
when she doesn't want it sold.

I see the dilemma.

Well, we haven't actually
drawn up contracts,

but we often put houses
on our list

just to test the market.

And if someone makes an offer?

Then I shall have to pay
Mrs Marigold a visit.

I can be very persuasive.

I mean, that is outrageous.

I know. Thanks for coming.
We'll see you next time.

Thanks very much.

I think they're trying
to force her out.

Oh! I mean, I know she can't get
upstairs and the place looks like

Beatrix Potter's garage,
but it is her decision to make.

Have you got a minute?

Because I have just made the most
marvellous wedding moodboard.

- Lily?
- Sorry, my mind was on something else.

Oh, not that awful incident
at Sammy's grandmother's house?

No, I was actually thinking
about those voices that she heard.

You know, incanting the strange
numbers - 500,000, 600,000.

That was you and Venetia, wasn't it?

Discussing how much
you'd get for the place.

OK, we may have had the odd chinwag.

Just run a few numbers
up the flagpole.

But it's not your house.

Yes, but Sammy lives
in his parents' old place,

which is literally falling apart.

It's full of holes. It's never
even had central heating.

And she lives in something
resembling

a Hammer House of Horrors.

Now, you see, if they both
sold up, we could all buy

something lovely,
with a granny flat.

Yeah, but she doesn't want to sell.

Yes, but she's going
to have to stop being so stubborn

and give me what I want.

I want to be warm and safe...

..and live somewhere
that doesn't have silverfish

scuttling up the walls.

Is that really too much to ask?

Sammy, it's great news, isn't it,

that the police recovered
all that stolen property?

Including your grandmother's ring.

I know, I know.
I might propose all over again.

THEY LAUGH

Oh! Look at that dinky
little street lamp.

Oh, no. It's been smashed.

Who would do something like that?

I have no idea. And it's Sammy's
house as well. Did you know?

- No!
- Yeah. Yeah, I've been trying to get him to fix the lamp

for ages, but he won't do
anything about it.

He's very sexy,
but completely useless.

Well, I suppose that's
the right way round.

Sorry, everyone,
it's my grandmother's house.

- I don't think she'll want to be
bothered. - Shall we go there?

Are you sure about that?
The house is giving off

some pretty solid
trick-or-treat-me vibes.

Well, at least we know what she
did with her bingo winnings.

It's super creepy.

- ALL:
- Trick or treat!

Hello, children.

Who wants to chew
on one of my chocolate fingers?

Chopped from the hand of the man

they found DEAD in my freezer?

SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

THEY SCREAM

SHE COUGHS

Is she OK?

Mrs Marigold.

Hello. Out of the way, please. Move!

Moses, you came back.

Dear lady, I have never been away.

I have been watching
over your house,

keeping an eye on everyone
who comes and goes.

Please wait. You can arrest me
in one minute.

I must attend to Mrs Marigold.

OK. Yeah, yeah. OK, OK.

Lily...

Clary, phone an ambulance.

Dracula, go and get a chair.

And, zombie,
a glass of water, please.

I have your angina spray.

Open wide.

Now close.

Oh, Moses, you're an angel.

I would not go that far.

But I am not a murderer.

Though someone amongst
you definitely is.

So, everyone, please, be careful.

And happy Halloween.

Take your time.

Moses, can I have a word?
Just this way.

Moses...

Mrs Marigold,
you get some rest now.

OK, now we KNOW it wasn't Moses.

How do we know that?

Because he came back. I mean,
I know he ran away to start with,

but he's on a temporary work visa.

He's terrified
of getting into trouble.

OK.

So, was it Sammy?

Mr Law And Order turned vigilante...

Possibly.

Or...Sophie.

Won't rest until she
has her own house.

KEYS RATTLE IN LOCK

Darlings.

Oh. You two.

What have you come as?

You look marvellous.

- Really?
- Sophie, darling!

Sammy, darling!

Mwah! Mwah!

Now, how is the grand old lady?

Well, you know, Gran,
she always pulls through.

I think we could all do
with some liquid refreshment.

Hang on a minute.

Kettle on.

SHE SCOFFS

They need an app!

Ugh!

Do you want a hand?

You just... I think you just
put it on the hob, like that.

And then turn that on.

- Yeah?
- Oh.

It's one of those.

Bit before my time.

Hey, I really like your earrings.

Oh. Thank you. A little man
in Marrakech runs them out for me.

I found one very similar
to that just the other day.

Did you? Well, I lost one.
Where did you find it?

Here. Upstairs.

Yeah, I found it the day I found
the body in the freezer.

Mrs Marigold said she heard
a woman scream,

and then silence.

That was you, wasn't it?

Oh, God!

You really are a clever
little crimper.

Ugh! I knew I'd get
caught eventually.

Look, it's not something
that I normally do. It's just...

Maybe it's this house -
all the stuffed animals, raaaaah!

Turns me into a bit of an animal.

Yeah, well, we all do things,
don't we, when we feel under threat.

I'll come with you
and I'll talk to the police.

The police?
I don't want them to know.

I've got a reputation to maintain!

- I'm sorry, what do you think
you did? - Sorry?

Listen, you know the young man
who's been working for my company?

- Yeah.
- Work experience.

We have been getting on rather well,
and my job has been to mentor him.

It's just that recently,
I've started

mentoring his brains out.

Oh. Oh, I see.

I mean, you see,
he lives with his dad

and I live with Mother,
so there isn't really any for us

to go to get to know each
other better, except...

KEYS JANGLE

..estate agent.

- Yeah.
- I do have rather a lot of keys.

Just must have got the dates
wrong because I thought

it was her bingo day and we
were upstairs cavorting, canoodling.

- BANGING
- Get out! Get out of my house!

Hey, uh, did you just hear
a woman screaming?

Yes, it was ME!

I know it was really unprofessional,
but it just felt SO good.

OK, but did you see
or hear anything suspicious?

No, I was not concentrating.

We just popped on our clothes
and pegged it out the back door.

You won't tell anyone, will you?

I'll say no, but I'll be honest,
I know myself...

- ..I think I probably will.
- Oh!

But I'll change the names.

Can't believe no-one's
guessed who we are.

So you don't think it was her, then?

No. I mean, she's done
a lot of things,

but not murder.

It's so frustrating.

Every time you think
you're getting close to it,

the rug gets pulled out
from under you.

Rug.

Yeah, it's a figure of speech...

No, I know what it is.

When I found the body,

there was this manky old rug
in front of the freezer,

and it definitely wasn't
there the time before.

- Are you sure?
- Positive.

Because when I was going home
from work the other day,

I saw two people
carrying a rolled-up rug.

What did they look like?

A mummy and a werewolf.

Hello. Would you like a hand?

Suit yourselves.

I thought it was something
for Halloween.

- Clary...
- Yeah.

- ..go and get Adam...
- Yeah.

..and tell him he might need backup.

Oh. What happened to Venetia?

Oh, she's gone to do some
human resources troubleshooting.

Right.

- Curly Wurly?
- Oh, no, I don't eat sugar.

- How about you?
- Oh, no, I couldn't eat.

Right. No. Well, it's been
a very intense few days, in't it?

- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

It feels like a month since
you got down on one knee.

One of the happiest
moments of my life.

It's funny how things can change.

Yeah. At the Halloween action
meeting, you said that crime

changes people.

What did you mean by that?

- Um...
- Lily, love, it's been a very long day.

Can we just sit
in a moment of peace?

No, no, it's all right.

Um, it's just that crime,
it makes you harder,

more on edge,

more suspicious.

That is exactly what's
been puzzling me.

Yeah, because at the meeting, you
suddenly said that you had to go.

Sorry. I've got a food delivery.
I've got to run.

I love you.

I was just thinking, well,
if that was me,

I would never leave
at just that moment.

Not just to get my shopping.

So where did I go, then?

Drive-by shooting? Bank robbery?

SAMMY LAUGHS

If I were going to guess,

I would say that this wedding
is keeping you going, isn't it?

And that man has cast
a terrible shadow over.

It must have been so upsetting
for you to think he was

still out and about.

So I'd guess...

..that you laid a trap.

SHE COUGHS

- You all right?
- No, I'm fine. - I'll get you some water.

No! Don't you dare leave me!

- You sure you don't want
a boiled sweet? - No.

So you knew that half of Blossom
Vale were going to be

at the meeting, and he would be out
and about looking for easy pickings.

But how did you lure him to
your house in particular?

I think it's to do with
that smashed lamp.

SOPHIE COUGHS

- WHISPERS:
- Shut up.

Come on, Sammy. Game's up.

Well, I mean, as you know,

I run the neighbourhood
watch scheme,

telling people how not
to be burgled.

Always make sure your front door
is well lit.

Never leave a key
under a flowerpot.

And I came to think, well,

what if I wanted to be burgled?

I'd just do the opposite.

So I smashed that street lamp...

..knowing that the darkness

would lure our sticky-fingered
friend to his fate.

And what was that fate?

Adam said he was covered
in black dust.

You said that Sammy's house
didn't have any central heating

and it was full of holes.

I think he stepped into one of them.

HE SHOUTS

Argh!

He fell down, down, down...

..into - did you have a coal cellar?

Maybe he did. It's a shame
he didn't carry on falling -

all the way to hell.

He'd have got more sympathy in hell.

But, guys, what was the plan?

What were you going to do?
You were going to call the police?

Or were you just going to give him
a talking-to?

I just wanted him to understand.

To know how much pain he caused us.

Oh, God.

Hi, there.

Please - you need to get me
an ambulance.

Oh, I don't need to do anything.

Please, I'm in agony!

- Yeah.
- Wait! No!

HE GROANS

Please.

I guess I could help you,
but unfortunately,

I don't want to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- You stay right there.
- Argh!

Please.

I'm in so much pain.

- Please.
- Well, then you know what it feels like to be me.

The girl who was never picked
at the school disco.

I had no friends.

People used to tease me
because my hands were so big.

And then one day I met
someone wonderful,

and for the first time in my life,
I was happy.

But that ring you stole,
he was holding it

because he'd just asked me
to marry him.

Poor bloke.

He wants to have his head examined!

SHE SCREAMS

Sorry. Sorry, I just...

I'm just feeling a little faint.

Ooh!

So now you've got the problem
of the body.

Now, I've seen a few of those

and I know they go off
quite quickly.

- We made it. Yeah.
- To the left. To the left.

- Yeah. Ready?
- Yeah.

But luckily, you've got access
to a deep freeze

and a handy rug to carry him in.

THEY STRAIN

I'm no man's judge.

We've all dreamed of taking
the law into our own hands,

but you just... You're never
going to get away with it.

What? Well, why not?

Oh, come on.

The police are going to look
at the door-cam footage,

then they're going to examine
the rug and the body for DNA.

Yours is going to be all over them.

It just would be so much better
if YOU went to THEM.

I know.

I'll go quietly.

It was all my idea.

I dragged Sophie into it
and she begged me not to.

But it's all my fault.

What are you talking about?

No, it was all me.

You just said we should shove him
in the cellar and get the police.

It was my idea to put an end to him.

Please, Sophie, you don't
have to take all the blame.

- We did this together.
- Yes, I know,

but one of us has got to
go to prison.

If we both go, we might never
see each other again.

- I see.
- But if it's just me, well, you can come and visit me -

every day - and if I get
a sympathetic governor,

well, we can even get
married in prison.

Won't that be wonderful?

No...?

I mean, you can't still think we're
really getting married.

Oh, why wouldn't I?
You asked me, and I said yes.

- Yes, I do still love you.
- Mm-hm?

But, I mean, it's really
taken a shine off it.

What?

I just battered
a man's brains out - for you!

- OK.
- No, I will be walking up that aisle.

- No, no, no!
- Even if I have to do it in handcuffs!

- Sophie, get off me.
- No, no, no! Don't leave me!

Samuel Marigold, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of assisting a murder.

SHE CRIES

Let her cry it out.

Sophie Sweetley, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of murder.

CLOCK CHIMES

FANCY HORN SOUNDS

Please, slow down! Please!

THEY LAUGH

FANCY HORN SOUNDS

Mrs Marigold, please!

Mrs Marigold!

I got my chariot back!

Nothing can stop me now.

- Great.
- Mrs Marigold, I do not mind you driving on the road,

but, please, stick to
the left-hand side.

Spoilsport.

Hey, it's lovely to see you.
Why don't you come into the warm?

- Oh. Yes, please.
- Yeah?

So this is the salon.

Oh, I love this.

Oh, this is lovely.

Now, am I pleased to see you,
because I went past your house

this morning and there
was a For Sale sign.

Well, I hate to say it
because I never liked her,

but Sophie was right
about one thing -

that house was way too big for me.

So I am moving into
a bijou bungalow...

- ..with Moses.
- Oh, really?

I have thought about it
long and hard,

but if we stick to
a set of house rules,

we'll be able to get along.

THEY LAUGH

So could you take all
this muck out of my hair?

Because I don't want to
give him nightmares.

- Yes.
- Oh, um...

Let me take your coat.

Might take some time, though.

Well, sure, I'm in no hurry.

Let's get that music up.

MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES

SINGING ALONG: # In my mind
I know you're gone,

# But my heart keeps holding on

# To the memories of those
happy times

# To the love that once was mine

# Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart... #

- You dancing?
- No idea what's going on.

You get used to it.

That's very good.

THEY LAUGH

# It keeps on haunting me

# Just keeps on reminding me

# I just keep hearing... #

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