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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,240
Do you think I've got enough
prawn cocktail crisps?
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,920
Michael loves prawn cocktail crisps.
3
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,480
Maybe I should go and grab another
one, what do you think?
4
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,200
Sue, there is over 14,000
calories in this trolley.
5
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,320
Oh, yeah. It's just
that Michael and Renee
6
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,480
being back
together for the foreseeable future,
7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:22,280
it's just important we get together
for these nice family dinners.
8
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,480
Sue! Oh for f... Sue!
9
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,120
Hello, Phyllis!
Oh, gosh, that's a gorgeous dress!
10
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,880
I know! It's my birthday today!
How old are you today?
11
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,680
Now, now,
a lady never tells her age.
12
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:43,560
Your bone deterioration and muscle
waste indicate you are...79.
13
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,640
I'm so sorry, Phyllis.
14
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,000
She's been malfunctioning lately.
15
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,320
Going somewhere special?
16
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,080
Jeffrey's booked out the golf club.
17
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,040
He's been very secretive.
The whole family are pretending
18
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,920
they've forgotten,
but they're up to something.
19
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,520
Why don't you come?
Oh, sorry, I can't.
20
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,160
Michael and Renee are coming over.
21
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,440
Well, come afterwards.
Or bring them too!
22
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,720
We'll be going on all night and
Jeffrey never invites my friends!
23
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,440
Oh, look, there's Alison,
24
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,720
Alison Farris.
SING-SONG: Alison!
25
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,200
SHOUTS: Alison! Ali...
26
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,760
Good God, honestly,
poor soul, she's as deaf as a post.
27
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,000
SHE LAUGHS
So you'll come?
28
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,000
We'll see how we get on...
Wonderful! Sue...
29
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,680
..it is at the golf club, so
wear something nice, won't you?
30
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,640
I've got to dash,
I must buy some sunscreen.
31
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,720
I spied a suitcase, think I might be
32
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,920
in for a surprise birthday holiday.
33
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,960
I'll see you later.
34
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,640
I wonder what on Earth
happened to Alison.
35
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:55,000
Did you see how she said that,
"wear something nice"?
36
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,920
Did you see that?
Yes, Sue, I saw that.
37
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,240
I've got plenty of nice outfits!
I don't dress badly.
38
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,240
Do I dress badly, Linda?
39
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,160
No, Sue,
you are a real Bobby Dazzler!
40
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,520
SUE CHUCKLES
41
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,480
Oh, hi, Alison!
42
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:15,240
Phyllis, Alison is here!
43
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,800
Oh, Alison! Oh, sorry...
44
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,320
No peeking now, close your eyes!
45
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:23,400
I do not need to close my eyes,
46
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,240
you can simply change my setting
to...sightless.
47
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,800
Oh...
48
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,120
Sightless.
49
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,400
Oh, this dress, it was Dave's
favourite.
50
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,320
Do you know what Dave said the first
time he saw me in this dress?
51
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,760
No. He said, "I'm the luckiest man
alive."
52
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,560
Dave thought you were a man.
53
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,200
No, you idiot.
54
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,800
Oh, forget it... Ta-ra!
55
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,560
Oh, my God!
56
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,120
Oh, um... Sight?
57
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,320
You will be the belle
of Phyllis' ball!
58
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,320
Oh, I'm not going to Phyllis'
stupid party.
59
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,680
I said, "We'll see how we get on,"
that means you're not going.
60
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,160
SUE CHUCKLES
61
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,320
Ooh! This dress has convenient
holes for toileting.
62
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,600
Oh, my God!
63
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,080
Oh, no!
This was Dave's favourite dress!
64
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,760
Dave wore this dress too?
65
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,880
Let me see what else I've got.
66
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,520
Moths have been at everything!
67
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,600
Maybe Phyllis has got a point.
I haven't bought a new outfit
68
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,440
since before Dave was sick.
69
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:31,200
I will reverse image search Dave's
dress and order same day delivery.
70
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,680
No, no, no,
I don't do online shopping.
71
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,800
There's still time.
72
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,200
We can go out
and buy something nice for tonight.
73
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,480
But you do not like Renee.
I can't stand her!
74
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,800
That's why it's very important
we have a nice family dinner.
75
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,240
So she can ram that up her hole!
76
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,680
Search "nice family dinners".
77
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,400
He's a useless coward. If he does
come at you, just kick him.
78
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,800
Go on.
79
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,560
Hello, Michael.
80
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,000
What do you want, Keith?
81
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,200
I have some bad news -
today is your last day here.
82
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,440
What?
I am sorry, but Mark feels...
83
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,600
"you aren't the right fit with
the culture of this workplace".
84
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,960
Mark? What the shit?
85
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,000
But as one door closes,
another door opens.
86
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:42,120
Fine... Fine. I'll finish up my
shift, and then I'll go,
87
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,400
because I'm a professional, Mark!
It is effective immediately.
88
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,040
Please, can I just stay till 11?
Renee's just said she's dropping by.
89
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,080
I can't look like some complete
loser who's just lost his job
90
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,440
to some dickless robot.
91
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,760
Mark!
92
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,880
Yeah, well, this is a stupid job,
I didn't want it anyway.
93
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,920
Michael, could you please
step off the property?
94
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,880
Piss off, Keith. All right, you
don't speak to my staff like that!
95
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:12,080
Hi! Balls.
OK, Mark, yeah, you got it, mate!
96
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:16,600
I mean it, Michael. I know you do!
Ha-ha, he's so funny,
97
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,360
it's like working with Jimmy Carr.
98
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,640
Wow! This is amazing!
99
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,800
It's for your mum.
100
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,120
It's from the Australian jungle,
so it has forest immunities
101
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,280
and like good bacterias that date
back literally millions of years.
102
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:29,920
Where are we going? Hm?
103
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,760
Oh. Um... We're going to have to put
it in the car.
104
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,400
Mark's just banned social
visits in the shop.
105
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,960
He's such a controlling prick!.
106
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,600
You just said he was funny.
107
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,040
Well, like most comedians,
he's got a dark side.
108
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,200
I've actually been thinking
a lot about quitting.
109
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,000
But no more surprise visits, OK?
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
110
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:54,800
Seriously, don't just...
Don't just drop in.
111
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,920
OK? Yeah, all right.
112
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,640
My 11am just cancelled,
113
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,840
so I thought I'd get something
really special for your mum.
114
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,520
I just... I don't know
why I'm nervous.
115
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,160
We're just going to ask
her for money, not a vital organ.
116
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,160
Exactly.
And you're so great with people.
117
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,760
Being a people person is
a really big part of my job.
118
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,040
I treat the whole person.
119
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,040
I inspire them, I encourage them,
I uplift them.
120
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,440
Otherwise, the fat fucks
just give up.
121
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,000
Like Gillian.
Who's Gillian?
122
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,680
My 11am.
123
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,720
"Family bereavement", my arse!
124
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,640
As if she didn't think I'm going
to check her social media!
125
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,240
Lying is...so pathetic.
See you after work?
126
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,280
Yep!
127
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,960
Time for me to inspire.
128
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,760
Gillian? It's me, Renee.
129
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,360
Just checking you're OK.
Oh, quick question...
130
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,840
Do you enjoy being a tubby little
liar with no discipline?
131
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,200
I've seen the pictures, Gillian.
132
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,320
Let me ask you a question.
133
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,040
Do you want to be a big fat balloon?
Are you eating?!
134
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,880
I know you're eating, I can hear it.
Spit it out!
135
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,680
HOOVERING
136
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,320
I'm here!
137
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,680
Hello, Phyllis.
138
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:18,880
Well, this is all very intriguing.
139
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,280
This place looks pretty deserted.
140
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,480
Well, I wanted somewhere quiet...
141
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,280
..and neutral.
Quiet and neutral?
142
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,120
Oh, Jeffrey!
143
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:34,840
Switzerland?
I knew you were planning something!
144
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,840
For my birthday. Oh...
145
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,400
OK...
146
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,520
Very funny!
147
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,520
Where is everybody?
148
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,320
It's just us.
Oh, sure, what, everyone has...
149
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,480
Everyone has forgotten...
150
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,160
..my fucking birthday?
Are you joking?
151
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,360
I remember everyone else's
stupid birthdays!
152
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,280
I can't even... You know what,
let's do this another day.
153
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,600
Do what? I mean, what on earth
are we "doing" in here?
154
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,600
Right, OK.
155
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,640
Good.
156
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,960
Ahem.
157
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:26,200
Someone once said
"that he heart wants what it wants".
158
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,120
That was Woody Allen.
Was it?
159
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,480
Yes, he said it
when he married his daughter!
160
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,720
Oh...
I didn't know he said it.
161
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,440
But he makes a valid point.
162
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,560
About incest? It's not incest,
if the person's adopted.
163
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,320
Yes, it is. I don't want
to talk about Woody Allen.
164
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,920
You're the one quoting him.
And the point of the quote
165
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:49,480
is that love and attraction
are unpredictable.
166
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,880
Look, if you and Kristen
are back on again,
167
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,920
I really couldn't care less.
It's not, Kristen.
168
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,920
Fine.
Kristen, Polly, Dee-dee...
169
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,640
I've always been realistic about...
It's not a woman.
170
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,520
CAR HORN
171
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,760
Oh... That was...
172
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,080
..so uncomfortable,
my back is killing me.
173
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,920
Do you want a baby or not?
My ovulation window is closing.
174
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,960
Hey...
175
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,360
That outfit is great,
Mum's going to love it.
176
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,760
Just wait until she finds out we're
going to make her a grandmother.
177
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,040
Do you think we should mention
that?
178
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,160
I mean... We've only just started
trying.
179
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,280
Oh, my God, Michael,
people announce it!
180
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,640
TTC, Trying To Conceive.
181
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,240
One of my clients had a TTC
reveal party,
182
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:50,440
she served yellow cocktails with
ovulation pee sticks in them!
183
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:54,360
What did she serve for semen?
Don't be so gross, Michael.
184
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,440
Sorry.
185
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:02,480
I just don't want to get Mum's hopes
up, what if it takes a while?
186
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,240
If you're going to
ask for this sort of money,
187
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,480
you either have to be dying
or producing a grandchild.
188
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,600
And believe me,
when you tell people you're dying,
189
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,360
they ask for all
sorts of supporting evidence.
190
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,960
Let's just not say anything
until we're pregnant.
191
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,000
It's a lot of pressure.
192
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,080
Well, guess what,
I don't crack under pressure.
193
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,400
I have a tendency to.
194
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,640
Shall we do it again? Oh...
195
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,640
I think those hikers are watching.
196
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,040
People can watch
bukkake on their phones 24/7,
197
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,600
no-one's going to wanna watch your
hairy arse pumping away in a lay-by.
198
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,720
Aw!
199
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,080
I definitely think they're watching.
Just block it out and focus!
200
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,120
Argh...
201
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,800
MUSIC PUMPING
202
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,320
Sue, can I see?
203
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:56,480
No. But I have not seen
any of the outfits.
204
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,080
I look bloody awful!
205
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,080
Sue, can I see? Sue, can I see?
206
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,320
Is everything OK here? No.
207
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,480
Sue looks bloody awful!
208
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,200
OK, there is a queue.
209
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,240
Yes. It is a long queue.
210
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,400
It's just that you have had this
cubicle for a long time.
211
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,520
Is there a time limit?
212
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,560
No.
213
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,720
What is it that you are asking?
214
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,880
Linda, come in here
I need some help!
215
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,680
Oh, God! I'm thirsty!
216
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,760
Why is it so bright in here?
217
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,800
Why is there hair in the corner?
218
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,840
It's like walking
on a barber shop floor!
219
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,600
Oh...
220
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,360
Every dress looks bloody awful!
221
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,720
But we have been in four shops, Sue,
222
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,280
and all the dresses were close
matches to Dave's favourite dress.
223
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,480
Ladies, can you vacate
this cubicle, please?
224
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,880
Yep, OK...
225
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,920
It's just that I...
226
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:04,280
I look in the mirror and I just see
this old woman staring back at me.
227
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,560
Sue, the old woman is you.
228
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,400
I know it's me!
229
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,440
I-I-I should get home.
230
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,440
I've got to start cooking.
231
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,240
At least I can still prepare
a decent roast!
232
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,200
But you have not found
a special dress.
233
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,560
I'm never going to find another
special dress.
234
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,840
I'm serious, out of the cubicle now.
235
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,760
Fine. We're leaving.
236
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,960
All your dresses are bloody awful!
237
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,680
Sorry about this,
we were a bit delayed.
238
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,320
Dinner will be a while...
239
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,440
Don't apologise,
we're family, for Christ's sake!
240
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,920
The plant was Renee's idea!
It's...
241
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,040
..very big.
242
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,960
Thank you.
243
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,040
I know how you love gardening, Mum.
244
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,120
It's flown in directly
from Australia,
245
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,560
so it has ancient immunities
and healing bacterias, right, babe?
246
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,040
Yes, a lot of our
sicknesses are caused
247
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,000
because we don't
live in nature anymore.
248
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,000
So proximity to old forests can cure
things like arthritis and cancer.
249
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,240
Oh...
250
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,600
Is that true, Linda?
251
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,640
No.
252
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,240
Boy, am I looking forward
to your roast, Mum!
253
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,520
Yeah, me too, I'm absolutely
starving, Mum!
254
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,520
Well, I did put it in a little late.
255
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,840
Have some crisps.
They're your favourites.
256
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,600
I better not. Um...
They're full of...
257
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,520
What was it, babe?
Acrylamide. Acrylamide.
258
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,200
Don't get me wrong,
they are delicious!
259
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,240
But apparently crisps are as toxic
as drinking four litres of sick.
260
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,520
Is that true, Linda?
No.
261
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,280
MUNCHING
Mm!
262
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,800
So all this
263
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,880
Is full of this...acrylamide.
Acrylaminde, yeah, actually.
264
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,480
Mm-mm!
265
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,640
Oh, this is silly.
266
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,920
Mm!
267
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,960
Mm, delicious!
268
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,400
Would you like another one?
269
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,320
Oh, yes.
Come on, have another one, Renee!
270
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,640
Yeah...
271
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,240
I'm just trying to be a bit
mindful of my diet...
272
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,440
..because we're trying for a baby!
273
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,520
STARTS LAUGHING
274
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,760
Pardon?
275
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:44,440
Yeah, that's true.
We're trying to get pregnant.
276
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,840
And we wanted you to be the first
to hear the official announcement!
277
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,880
CLAPS
Sit down, Linda.
278
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,240
Trying isn't an
official announcement...
279
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,320
Well, it's... It's a thing
people announce.
280
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,640
Renee, I detect a smell
that indicates you
281
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,320
and Michael attempted
procreation this afternoon.
282
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,920
Yes, in a lay-by.
283
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,280
I'm going to check on the roast.
284
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,520
Would you prefer I did not watch?
285
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:25,960
Ooh!
286
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,280
Mm...
Linda, I need some help out here.
287
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,400
We said we weren't
going to say anything!
288
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,640
I had to do something!
289
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,280
It's going really badly
290
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,080
and you're just sitting there
with your thumb in your arse!
291
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,880
Hey! I ate a crisp!
292
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,800
You need to get your head in the
game. Your mum still hates me.
293
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,480
Babe... She doesn't hate you.
294
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,720
I hate her!
295
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,360
He's going to get her pregnant,
296
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:57,360
and if they get pregnant
then that's permanent!
297
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,160
What is he thinking?
298
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,840
How long's that chicken gonna need?
299
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,440
She already broken his heart once.
300
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,400
That boy was a mess last
time she dumped him.
301
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,280
The chicken needs...
I'll have to say something.
302
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,000
He's making the biggest
mistake of his life!
303
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,080
The chicken needs...
But if I say more than I've already said, then I risk losing him!
304
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,000
The chicken needs... I don't want
to risk the only family I've got.
305
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,480
The chicken needs...
Not eating prawn cocktail crisps?!
306
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,520
The chicken needs...
He's forgotten who he is!
307
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,600
The chicken needs...
He's forgotten who she is!
308
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,760
He needs his memory jogged!
309
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,480
The chicken needs 68 more minutes.
310
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,760
Oh, God!
311
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,680
OK. Put it back in...
312
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,120
Smells great in there, Mum!
Yes, won't be long...
313
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,760
The chicken needs 68 more minutes.
314
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,280
I might just snack on some
turkey jerky.
315
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,920
I always keep protein handy.
316
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,640
So, we were talking, and we have
a second official announcement.
317
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,160
Oh, Jesus Christ!
318
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:08,640
If we have a boy, we're going
to call him David. After David.
319
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,360
CLAPS
Sit down, Linda.
320
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,440
Any more official announcements?
321
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,880
Actually, um...
322
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:25,080
We've been looking at flats, and
we saw the perfect place,
323
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,760
we love it...
That's quite a financial commitment.
324
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,040
Your dad and I only just finished
paying for this.
325
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,360
Well, I was thinking,
326
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,680
because you own this house,
could you borrow against it
327
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,520
and lend us
the money for a down payment?
328
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,200
Sue, it is a bad idea to
borrow against this property.
329
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,720
You stay out of this, Linda.
Hang on.
330
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,440
Why? Borrowing against this house
will place you over the pension threshold.
331
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,520
You will have no income.
Mum, we can come to some sort of arrangement...
332
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:56,680
There are other risks.
If Renee has intercourse outside of the marriage again...
333
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,920
Linda!
Exactly, and she will.
334
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,320
Oh, my God, not this again!
335
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:04,960
We've... We've been through
therapy, we've worked through this,
336
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,240
we just want to start our lives
and all you do is criticise!
337
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:12,720
You just keep pulling us back
and insulting Renee.
338
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,400
Michael... What?
Renee cannot breathe.
339
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,600
Huh?
GASPING
340
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,600
Oh, shit!
341
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,640
Rest assured, Michael,
342
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,880
I will remove the obstruction,
343
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,760
and then we will have
a nice family dinner.
344
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,280
Hurry up, Linda!
345
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,560
Oh, my God! Breathe! Breathe!
Time is of the essence.
346
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,960
Breathe!
347
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,520
Um... Er...
348
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,520
GASPING FOR BREATH
349
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,320
Babe, are you OK? Yeah, I think so.
350
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,080
Linda hit me really hard. Would you
feel better if I apologised?
351
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,560
Don't apologise, you've
just saved her life!
352
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,880
Renee is fine.
353
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:08,040
She is also pregnant. Renee
is in the family way!
354
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,160
What a happy family dinner!
355
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,840
Oh, wow!
356
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,560
Oh, my God!
357
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,360
I'm gonna be a dad?
My junk does work!
358
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,440
We're definitely going to need
help for a mortgage now!
359
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,720
We'll talk about that another time.
360
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,040
Mum, you haven't...
You haven't said anything.
361
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,400
Congratulations. It's very exciting.
362
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,200
Especially if Michael is the father!
363
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,000
God damn it, Linda!
364
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,480
Mum, switch her off!
365
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,600
This is a really important family
moment and she's ruining it!
366
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:51,720
I'm not switching her off, because
she hasn't said anything wrong!
367
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:52,800
OK...
368
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,840
Wow!
369
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,080
Let's go, babe.
370
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,440
What's this? That is a picture
of Sue and I on a rollercoaster.
371
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,080
Enjoy your new family, Mum.
372
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,640
Goodbye, Michael!
DOOR SHUTS
373
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,360
It's just you, me
and the baby from now on, OK?
374
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,720
I've got no-one!
375
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,600
I can't believe Mum's done this.
376
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,080
At least you've got a mum.
377
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,760
You... You do too.
378
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,440
When did I say I didn't?
God, don't twist my words!
379
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,240
Sorry. I'm just feeling emotional.
380
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,160
You're emotional?
381
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,600
I just got assaulted by a robot.
Then I literally died
382
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,160
and then I came back
to life as a mother!
383
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,200
Yeah.
384
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,400
And I'm a father!
385
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,680
I never said you weren't.
Stop twisting my words, Michael!
386
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,280
Sorry. Sorry, Renee.
387
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,960
KNOCKING AT DOOR
388
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,680
Oh...
389
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,680
Oh, Phyllis! Ah...
390
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,840
I'm sorry I didn't make your party,
I was going to call you.
391
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,000
Are you busy?
392
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,080
Yes.
393
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,920
PHYLLIS CHUCKLES
Great.
394
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:36,920
Oof.
395
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,240
Christ!
396
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,160
What's with the tree?
397
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,160
Oh... Michael and Renee bought it.
398
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,800
Well, you missed an
incredible party!
399
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,600
All of my friends were there,
my gorgeous children,
400
00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:01,400
My stunning grandchildren, my
whole family just made this...
401
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,800
..huge effort.
402
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,680
Sounds great.
403
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,800
In 48 years of marriage,
do you know how many stupid birthday
404
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:16,120
cakes I've baked for my husband
and children and grandchildren?
405
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,280
137 stupid birthday cakes.
406
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,840
Shut up, Linda, you slut!
407
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:28,320
Oh, so has Michael made you
a grandmother yet?
408
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,040
Looks that way.
Well, just tell his wife
409
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,840
they can't keep their hands off you
when you're young with perky tits.
410
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,640
But give it time,
he'll soon be balls deep in a robot!
411
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,640
Do you think Dave
would've screwed a robot?
412
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,640
My Dave? Mm. God, no!
413
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:51,280
Oh, lucky you, you'll never have
to test that theory.
414
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,560
I think we need to get someone
to take you home. No, no, no, wait, wait.
415
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,600
I'm sorry. No, go be a revolting
drunk at your own party!
416
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,280
There was no party.
417
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,480
My whole family completely forgot.
418
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:13,200
And, um... All the people
I invited didn't come,
419
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,120
they said
"we'll see how we get on"...
420
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,000
That means they are not coming.
421
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,800
But Jeffrey,
he said he'd got the golf club.
422
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:26,120
Oh, Jeffrey's left me for a robot!
423
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,480
Not one like Linda,
one of the sexy ones.
424
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,000
I'm so sorry. I...
425
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,840
Well...
426
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,960
Renee and Michael just came round
to borrow some money.
427
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,160
You are both disappointed
by your terrible families.
428
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,480
Yup.
429
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,960
I mean, spent months
choosing this dress.
430
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,200
I thought today was going
to be perfect.
431
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:51,720
Phyllis...
432
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,560
..it's a lovely dress.
433
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,640
I can't even choose a new dress
that makes me feel special
434
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,320
since Dave died.
435
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:03,360
Right....
436
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,600
It's yours.
437
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:07,640
Hang on...
438
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,280
No, Linda, no.
Keep your clothes on.
439
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,880
There we go.
440
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,360
Thank you!
441
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:19,360
Do you know?
You've got fabulous cheekbones.
442
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,800
OVEN TIMER
The chicken is ready.
443
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,720
Thank you.
Linda, bring more wine.
444
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,160
We're going to give Phyllis
a proper birthday party.
445
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,320
Yes...
446
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:37,200
I think it's exciting!
I love being a grandmother!
447
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,440
You get a second chance
to get it right.
448
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:44,600
I mean, I am a much better
grandmother than I am a mother.
449
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,160
Just enjoy it.
450
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:49,600
You really think so?
Just make it up with him.
451
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,440
Otherwise you'll miss out, and
I mean, what else are you gonna do?
452
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200
I mean, really?
453
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,800
You're right. You're right.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna phone him...
454
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,800
Yeah, call him! Call him now.
455
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,200
MUSIC PLAYING
Linda, just...
456
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,440
Sshh!
MUSIC STOPS
457
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:15,640
No, answerphone. Hello, Michael,
it's Mum.
458
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,840
I'm really sorry
I spoilt your big moment.
459
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,760
You're going to be a dad.
And Renee's gonna be a mum.
460
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,360
And marriages are messy...
461
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:26,480
They are a bit shit.
462
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,320
And, well, yeah, families
can let you down.
463
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,280
So my point is...
464
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,040
..I'm going to do it.
465
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,480
Do what?
Sue, your judgement is impaired.
466
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,280
I'm going to downsize
and free up some money!
467
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,360
Yay!
468
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:49,040
All right, love you, love you,
bye!
469
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,200
All's well that ends well...
470
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,400
Sue, this is an illogical decision.
471
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,760
He's my son, he's my only family
and I love him no matter what.
472
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,360
Here's to our stupid families!
473
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,560
Linda, play party music!
PARTY MUSIC PLAYS
474
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,280
Come on, Sue.
475
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200
Let's have a boogie.
476
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,640
According to money saving
expert Martin Lewis,
477
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,560
this is a high-risk venture with
a low-probability of success.
478
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:22,720
You are facing financial ruin.
479
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,680
This is no moment for levity.
480
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,000
# Come on, Eileen
481
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,040
# Come on, Eileen
482
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,040
# Poor old Johnny Ray
483
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,520
# Sounded sad upon the radio
484
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,760
# Moved a million
hearts in mono... #
485
00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:58,360
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